Question to the psychologist:
Hello. My boyfriend and I live together (he is 30 and divorced). At the very beginning of the relationship, everything was fine. We made joint plans for the future, he said that he would happily marry despite the first divorce. He said that he wanted a child (before that, neither I nor he had expressed such a desire). I quit my job and friends, moved to another city with him. And at the moment we have been in a relationship for almost 2 years and the last few months the quarrels have become more and more noticeable, come to the fore. I am a very vulnerable person and it’s hard for me to cope with insults and insults, but he doesn’t care (maybe this is just my view of this situation).
Today's scandal has made it clear to me that if we don't talk about everything seriously, then the relationship will soon collapse. Despite our plans to walk around the city in such good weather, he went to a friend. Unfortunately, it did not happen without a loud clarification of the relationship. I said that this friend is more important to him than me and he is ready to drop everything and rush to him at any moment (it really happened not only today, but almost always). And I'm not against communicating with friends, but not at the expense of relationships. And today I heard from him that "my ex was also against communicating with friends and where is she now?".
I'm tired of constantly enduring insults and not hearing after that the phrase "I'm sorry, I was wrong." I understand that both are always to blame in a relationship, but he does not recognize this and blames me for everything. An attempt to talk ended with the fact that he went to a friend. All my close friends live in another city and there is no opportunity to meet, and I don’t want to talk on the phone. And I don't want to involve others in my problems. Now I'm sitting with thoughts that everything can be solved, but at the same time I understand that it depends not only on me.
There is a desire to pack up and go home, but I understand that my parents will be upset by this and you should not do this in a quarrel, but on the other hand, I understand that only I try to save these relationships, and this is like in Krylov's fable "Swan, pike and cancer." And it is probably important to mention that I want to start a family, have a baby, but lately my boyfriend doesn’t really want it (he thinks that such a goal in life is stupid).
I just don't know what to do now. My soul is torn apart from the fact that I have no one to talk to now, it's very hard. It's just unbearable. I want it to be as important for him as it is for me, I want to save the relationship (if it makes sense), but I can’t imagine how to do it alone (and it’s stupid to think that I myself can somehow influence the situation ).
Forgive me if I did not describe the situation clearly enough, if I repeated myself in some way, I just feel very, very bad right now. I am completely alone.
I beg you to answer my situation.
I don't know what to do with this relationship. What's the best way to do it?
Good afternoon, Irina!
I'm sorry you're in this situation right now. I would like to support you and somehow help you understand yourself.
You write that everything was fine at the beginning of the relationship, but then you contradict yourself that almost always friends were in the first place, and also write about insults and your grievances, and that your man never apologizes, but only blames you for everything. What was beautiful then?
It is difficult to judge your relationship and the reasons for your quarrels. It is possible that your man has not closed those relationships for himself and some of his unlived grievances pop up (the phrase “my ex was also against communicating with friends and where is she now?”) And he is projecting something onto you. never learned to build relationships and discuss problems with a loved one (that is, with you), and prefers to avoid resolving issues by blaming you for everything.
Perhaps something in your behavior is wrong. You left your friends, quit your job. Is there anything and someone in your life right now besides your man? Or all the attention to him and for him it's too much.
Try to soberly analyze your relationship and your man's attitude towards you. Perhaps everything was not so great and you had "rose-colored glasses" that you are now taking off. And then you should think about whether you really want such a relationship further and a family with such a person. Perhaps you will come to the conclusion that it is indeed the last few months that there have been many quarrels and misunderstandings. Then try to sit down and talk frankly about your relationship. Without accusations, reproaches, otherwise there will be a defensive reaction in response - reproaches and accusations against you. Tell the man how much he is dear to you, how valuable your relationship is and what kind of relationship you would like with him. Share your feelings, experiences. Perhaps you will see that your man is really not ready for a family, or perhaps you can discuss what went wrong in the relationship and try to fix everything.
“I want a family” - this desire sooner or later arises in the minds of almost all people. But is married life really that good, or is it better to stay single? If you still create a family, then how to prepare for this serious step? The publication will answer these questions.
For some, a bachelor's life is real bliss and freedom, for others it is only longing and fetters. Some people dream of finding peace and family comfort as soon as possible, while someone, on the contrary, strives not to tie themselves in marriage for a longer time. In most cases, the bachelor life attracts men, both young and mature. They can sincerely enjoy a free life until they feel the need to find a family.
Women, by their nature, tend to create comfort and home. They perceive the absence of a family in a negative way, especially if it has been absent for a long time. Therefore, it is quite normal if thoughts like “Will I get married” arise in a girl’s head. A rare woman will be sincerely glad of a bachelor life. Usually these include those who already have experience of marriage, and not the most successful. Therefore, they do not want to live together with the opposite sex or try to postpone this moment as long as possible.
That is, everyone chooses for himself how to live: free or married. Single life has its pros and cons. About them further and will be discussed.
The basis of a bachelor's life is freedom in all its forms and manifestations. Non-family people very fiercely protect her from encroachments of the opposite sex. The ability to do whatever you want in a single life is a major positive. The remaining pluses only follow from the concept of freedom.
The positives are quite impressive. It is understandable why bachelors say: "I don't want a family." But there is a significant nuance here. All the charms of a carefree life can be fully experienced only from the age of 25-28. As a rule, by this age, both women and men live separately from their parents, become financially independent and sufficiently prepared to independently resolve domestic issues.
Usually, awareness of the negative aspects of a single life comes at those moments when a person is oversaturated with personal freedom. Then he begins to understand: "I want a family and children." Moreover, single life has its downsides.
Of course, one cannot categorically state that family life is a panacea for everyone, and bachelor life is selfish and immoral. A person should listen only to his feelings and act in accordance with them. It is silly to start a family just for the reason that it is due to age or all the acquaintances have already married. The decision to end the bachelor life must be conscious and sincere. Only in this case will it be comfortable in marriage.
What problems can you face? It happens that a person comes to the conclusion: “I want to get married / get married”, but for some reason cannot achieve this goal. Why is this happening? This can be explained by the following facts.
The most important reason is to create an ideal image of a partner. Moreover, a person may not even realize that he is not true. Everyone wants to be paired with smart, beautiful, rich, caring and so on. This is an abstract person with a certain set of traits and qualities that simply may not exist in reality. You need to descend from heaven and not wait for a prince or princess.
The second most popular reason is the lack of motivation and true desire. Yes, a person can say: “I want a family”, but in reality it is not so. He is simply based on the norms of society and what he sees around a lot of married couples. Therefore, it would seem that he also wants to become like that, although in fact there is no real desire. This situation often happens to women. Seeing how acquaintances create families, they begin to complain: “Will I get married someday?”
A bachelor can be hindered by his past. For example, there was already love in his life, but it ended in parting, although the feelings remained. Since then, other applicants are not recognized at all and are not considered for the role of a life partner.
Very often, some unfinished business or career interferes with starting a family. There is so much to do in life! Earn enough money, buy a car, an apartment, have time to travel. And this, of course, requires money and free time. Once these goals are achieved, it will be possible to start a family and children. So many people argue and risk not being in time.
Some people are prevented from creating a serious relationship by complexes, self-doubt, weakness of character and vulnerability. These subconscious qualities are programmed for an unsuccessful life in which there is no family happiness. In accordance with this, a person builds his behavior.
Sooner or later you start to think about how to start a family and what you need to do to get there. This will be discussed further.
First of all, you should ask yourself why so far it has not been possible to start a family. You have to be completely honest with yourself and answer the question honestly. For clarity, the reasons can be written out on a piece of paper. For example, it can be fears, complexes or problems in the search.
It is also worth considering why you want to start a family. That is, you need to understand what exactly you expect from a relationship in marriage. All options that come to mind can be written down on a piece of paper. Answers in the style of “because relatives are pressing” or “it’s time for age” are an indicator of unpreparedness for a serious relationship. It's just a desire to conform to public opinion. If the intentions are sincere, then you need to try to eliminate the reasons why you can’t start a family. What step will be next?
Some say: “I want to get married / get married”, but at the same time they do not like themselves. Who will love a man who does not love himself? If there are any complexes that interfere with starting a family, then you need to work with them. If there are problems in communicating with the opposite sex, then you need to attend psychological trainings. The figure can be adjusted with the help of sports and diets. Lack of repair or cooking skills will help correct the corresponding courses. That is, any problem can be solved.
Some are embarrassed by their appearance, although often this complex is far-fetched. But even if there are some problems with this, then it is worth taking a closer look at happy married couples. Not all of them have perfect looks. So that's not the point. A family is created with the person whose qualities correspond to their own expectations and values.
Of course, one desire “I want a good family” will not be enough. It's just emotions. You need to be ready to get married. And this is the maturity of the individual. To create a family, you must have a certain system of values. If it is different, then it will have to be revised in order for the relationship to be successful. What to pay attention to before
It is important to understand what kind of person you want to see next to you until the end of your days. To do this, you can make a list of preferred qualities. Appearance doesn't matter. It is necessary to indicate age, character traits, interests, skills and other features. Something without which it is impossible to build long-term relationships.
There is no need to hope that there will be a person who fully meets all the criteria. It is better to rank the list and, when choosing, rely only on the most significant qualities. For example, for someone it is very important that the partner loves children, and someone appreciates the similarity of hobbies. Everyone has their own preferences. Of course, the second half must also want to live in marriage. Otherwise, the statement “I want a family, get married (marry)” will simply be meaningless.
You can’t dream of starting a family and not leaving the house anywhere. Spouse (s) will not fall from the ceiling. If there are only loners in the social circle, then you will have to make new acquaintances. You can visit restaurants, interest clubs, sports sections, theaters, city events and so on. But you don’t need to “go hunting” and each time hope that you will meet the same one. It is important to keep a sober mind and just enjoy life. For some, special dating sites will be the way out. They can significantly reduce the search time for the chosen one. But this method has its drawbacks. On the Internet, people often embellish their virtues and behave differently than in real life.
When the search is completed, there is no need to rush and immediately stun the chosen one: “I want a family, let's go to the registry office as soon as possible!” This will only scare away, even if the person is not against marriage. Let the relationship develop gradually. Moreover, during this time you can get to know all the advantages and disadvantages of a potential spouse. You can think about a wedding only with full confidence that there is love, respect and compatibility. These are the foundations of family life, without which in any way.
When the proposal is made, it is important to discuss with the partner all the nuances that are associated with cohabitation. In the future, this will help to avoid misunderstandings and major quarrels. It is worth deciding who will perform what duties, how finances will be distributed, how to raise children, what family traditions must be observed, and so on. You can discuss everything to the smallest detail, what comes to mind.
Preparing for family life is not at all a wedding celebration, outfits, a restaurant and a beautiful photo session. You need to learn to get along together, be responsible for others and respect your partner. Only in this case can you get a strong and happy family.
The great thing is to rely on God and pray. Someone comes and says:
– I want to start a family, but I don’t know how to do it, where to find the right person, etc.
Some of you have written to me about similar problems, problems with your children, about yourselves - that the years go by and you are not yet married, etc. Yes, years and time pass, but do we know what the words mean time passes? God knows time, time is what God wants, time is good!
“But,” you say, “I’m already 35 years old!”
Well, maybe God wants you to start a family at 38?
But I'm already over 40!
Well, maybe God wants you to start a family later, or maybe He has a different plan for you that is great nonetheless. It is unknown to me so that I can reveal it to you.
Can I tell you something simple? You pray to God to open it for you. To enlighten you, pray!
Once one such person came to me and said:
- I wan't to create a family. What should I do, help!
- Yes, what kind of assistant am I in this? What do you mean?
"For you to tell me what to do..."
No, please don't do anything, you first calm down. You are stressed, and when you are stressed, you cannot create a healthy family, because in a state of stress you will be seized by panic and uncertainty, and even if you find the right person, this stress and fear will again make themselves felt: “Do you want to she me? Will we have a relationship? Will we split up? Will she leave me like she did last time? Will he reject me? What if she doesn't like me?"
It's stress, my child. You can't create a healthy family if you start with that kind of stress. What are we talking about all the time? Trust God! Love God! Believe in God!
“I love Him,” she says, “but…
Okay, but if you loved Him, would you be in such a panic? Do you love God and panic? Now, if I take your hand and squeeze it, you will feel warm and say: “Ah, I feel confident, calm, someone is holding my hand!” So, then, people touch you, and you calm down, and God touches you - and where is your peace of mind? Where? So let's calm down first.
God's Will Is Clearly Reflected in Calm and Peaceful Souls
Do you know why you need to calm down? So that you can clearly see that the stress inside you is gone, that panic disappears, peace comes, because on these issues - and the creation of a family - God's will is clearly reflected in calm and peaceful souls. Your soul must be quiet, calm, so that God's will is reflected in it. If panic and confusion seizes you, God's will cannot be reflected. You make frantic movements, distort your image and create a false image of yourself in the eyes of the one you meet, because anxiety and insecurity emanate from you.
First of all, leave everything to God. Someone said one wonderful thing, namely, that these issues are being resolved you know when? When they stop bothering you. I love it. When you stop being stressed about something, then it will settle down. And if you're stressed, it can't settle down. Stress does not help, but on the contrary, creates a very unpleasant and difficult climate for settling our problems. Calm down, forget about the problem! Live your own life!
“But,” he says, “life has no meaning to me!”
Life is beautiful not because of the family, but because of the fact that Christ exists
Well what are you talking about? Is your life meaningless? So your life doesn't make sense because you haven't started a family? Are these serious words? Here is the first lesson you must first learn before you start a family - this is that life is beautiful not because of the family, but because of the fact that Christ exists. Our beloved Christ is so rich in gifts that he gives us a family; but even if you did not start a family, life in Him is beautiful.
We hurt God, hurt God, and commit sin by saying, "If I don't start a family, my life will fail and lose all meaning"! It is not right.
First, life is beautiful because the Lord exists, our Christ exists. One person once went to and said:
"Father, I'm in trouble, I feel bad!"
- Why, my child?
- I'm 40 years old, and I'm not married yet!
- Well, do not worry! - said the elder Paisios. - I'm already 70, and I haven't married yet either!
He said it and laughed. I mean, don't look at it like that. The question is not in age and not in the fact that your turn has come and now something should happen, but in trying to improve your inner world.
I heard about this case from one of his conversations; I don’t know if he heard it himself, but he was personally acquainted with Elder Paisios.
It's a good thing to be reconciled to God, because that's how your issue will be settled.
“But you tell me to do something practical!” To walk, look, act!
Look, I don’t forbid you, I didn’t tell you to lock yourself in your house and wait for everything to resolve itself, or for the gift to fall from heaven, the gift of the family, and the person of your life come down from heaven. And it can happen. If you have such holiness and boldness, then it will be. says: “If we had so much living faith in Christ, real living faith and love, then we would say: “Lord, I will go to confession, and then I will take communion, pray, leave the house, and the first person I meet, and become the one with whom I will create a family!”
Tell you something? Don't do it, don't do it, because you might get frustrated and disappoint others. I mean - You don't do it, but if some saintly person does it, he will succeed. Do you know why? Because if Christ saw that your heart was completely given to Him, that you entrusted everything to Him, you know what the Lord would say? “This creation of Mine lives for Me, lives by Me and expects everything from Me. He entrusted everything to Me. Now, now he goes out to meet the man of his life. I will not disappoint him, because if I disappoint him, his faith will be shaken, and he will say: “Where is my God? Lord, don't you exist?"
This is my obedience to Christ. calls obedience sleepwalking. In other words, “Lord, I entrust myself to You and walk the path of this life with my eyes closed, I sleep and walk. I'm going, i.e. I act, I am active, but at the same time I sleep, i.e. I calm down, I sleep peacefully, I walk and sleep.
This is very curious, it means that I entrust myself to God. If you do this and feel it as an inner trust, then it is impossible that the Lord will not immediately solve your problem.
God delays because through the dangers, searches, mistakes, failures, torments, rejections that we endure or deliver, He wants to teach us other lessons before we marry. Lessons of life, humility, patience, faith. Otherwise, how will you survive in life? You will become a useless father, a precocious mother, if you act so hastily. You have stress, you will carry this stress in yourself, and why do you undertake to create a family - in order to stress others as well?
There are children who say to their parents when they quarrel:
- Yes, you met in the dark, or what? Were you married in the dark?
As some say: “Were you given a diploma in the dark, or what?”
Well, that's wrong. Why do kids say this? Why? Because they understand that something does not fit here, something goes wrong, and they see it - they see solid nerves, grumbling, quarrels, disputes, anger, whims and whims. Well, what is this marriage? What kind of relationship? And where do they only look when they get to know each other?
I liked what a friend of mine said:
“Father, I will not pretend to be good. As soon as I meet a girl, at the second, at the third meeting I will tell her about my weaknesses, I will say that I have selfishness, that I am nervous, I can burst into anger.
- Come on, my child, calm down! I told him.
– No, I want to say that I am not going to deceive another person. I want to tell her the truth that I will work on myself, I will try to improve, but I will not build someone I am not.
Well, as a spirit, as an ethos, as a way of thinking - I like it: “Of course, this may look like insecurity on my part, but at least I want to show her that I'm not playing her. I do not try to inspire her with something that is not there. I want to tell her who I really am. I don’t have a mask of hypocrisy on me so that I build some important bird out of myself, hide something, no, I’m a simple-hearted, real, open person, I trust God and God’s people. Yes, I'm taking a risk, but I say it nonetheless. I will tell her everything, and when I reveal my mistakes and weaknesses to her, I will humble myself, and she will be touched by this and will love me even more, because I do not build something out of myself, but I tell her what I really am.
Thus, we believe in our life a good, humble, genuine, earthly beginning, and Christ serves as our Archetype. But still, it would be good if, when a person is going to start a family, he had some kind of limit, because some people, in the name of sincerity, begin to tell everything about their lives, and the result is such that the other is stung by this, disappointed and is horrified. You clarify this with the confessor.
There are some things that we hide not from cunning and malice, but from delicacy and prudence. Do you understand? It might hurt someone else. It is not necessary to hammer all the time on the mistakes that were in the past and have already been confessed.
– What should I do then? the man asked me.
I told him the same as at the beginning:
- Pray! It will be good for you to pray. First of all, he's coming, do you understand that?
- Who goes?
- Your man! Do you hear his steps? Well, listen! Do you hear steps?
- What are you talking about, father? What are the steps?
- I am telling you! If you are over 20, then your person, the one with whom you want to start a family, with whom God has prepared for you to meet at some point - you listen to what I say! - it already exists, it is somewhere.
You ask:
“Why are you telling me this?”
I speak so that you feel this reverence, tenderness and joy. I pray to God that your paths cross, that you meet. You and her, existing somewhere. And you, too, say in your prayer: “Lord, we are probably going along parallel paths, or maybe we are somewhere nearby. The person that You, in Your all-wise, all-good, and loving plan, have prepared for me is somewhere. Lord, this girl that You have prepared for me and who is somewhere, take care of her! Keep her, prepare for me, for this meeting, give her the gifts of Your Holy Spirit, grant her Your blessing, love, cover from every temptation, trial, bodily and spiritual danger.
Now do you know what to do? Pray for her, unfamiliar, unknown X, who, however, is known to the Lord. On the other hand, there is a well-known X - this is our Christ ... And it is a matter of days, months, years for the Lord to lead this person on your path.
Christ already knows the name of the girl you marry
Just think: you are talking to Christ, and at that moment Christ already knows the name of the girl you will marry! He knows him, and on the wedding day everyone will solemnly hear him:
- The servant of God Nicholas is getting married to the servant of God Elena!
This Helen, whom we will then hear about, God already knows now. And you say: “My God, I don’t know who she is, I don’t know how this meeting will happen, I don’t know what to do - after all, this is not human, these are secrets.” As they say in the order of the wedding, God makes this combination and union between husband and wife, this meeting. How can two strangers who did not know each other suddenly connect, recognize each other and become so strongly attached, become so close, love each other so deeply and share everything among themselves? And they live together until they die. It's amazing, it's a miracle. Doesn't it strike you?
I don't have a family and never will, but I am in awe of that, just as you are in awe of a man becoming a monk and consecrating himself to God. That is, all this is marriage (both monasticism and worldly marriage).
And one more thing. Someone said to me, "So when will we hear, 'Isaiah, rejoice'?" So when am I getting married? Well, how can you not hear it? And he heard it – this chant is sung at the ordination of deacon and priest. You will only hear it once when you get married, but the priest hears it twice: Isaiah, rejoice, the Virgin in the womb and give birth to the Son of Immanuel, God and Man, the East is His name, His magnificence, We bless the Virgin».
Look with reverence at this event that is coming. If you look at a marriage like that before it has taken place, and for God it is the same as it has taken place, then God, of course, will help you. I mean it.
Well, then, my brother, and all those who are concerned for their children in connection with these matters, then you will act differently if you look at it as a sacrament. The sacraments are connected with God, and not with your intellect, abilities, pedagogical skills, art and technology, your tricks, books in which you proofread how to work on yourself, how to behave, how to communicate with people - none of this, but this is a mystery, and it is experienced in the Church, near God.
Unfortunately, most young people today are experiencing these wonderful things outside of God. This is our drama, the drama of modern people: families are destroyed before they can create anything else together.
So what are we to do then? If the family does not function properly, then nothing good will come of it. A sick family, with problematic and tormented children who react to everything, resist, break, destroy, rebel, they don’t like anything in this life, and they burn cars.
Someone told me: “And they are doing well!” I answered to myself: “Well, yes, of course, they are doing well!” What I mean? What else can they do? What else, when the parents, the relationship between them, their experiences, love, child, pregnancy were not sealed by God's grace, and all this happened to them, like animals in nature? But the only difference is that cute animals are blessed by God because they follow their instincts as God created them. And you? Are you human? Are you also going to do what you want, what you want, what you like? No, you won't. The water you drink from the tap is not holy. And you will give it to the priest, he will bless it, and so it will become holy water. This is holy water - water blessed by the hand of a priest, by the hand of an unworthy priest, but only behind his hand the Lord invisibly extends His hand and blesses the water.
Every biological function of man needs this - to be sealed by Christ
Only in the Church does bread and wine become the Body and Blood of Christ, but at home they are just bread and wine, bread that grows moldy and you throw it to pigeons or bury it in the garden. And in the Church, bread and wine are experienced as a Sacrament, they are changed into the Body and Blood of Christ. Therefore, any biological and mental function of a person needs precisely this - to be sealed by Christ, to be planted in the Church, where it will be sanctified and become blessed.
Of course, here we are talking about your personal relationships, about the most sacred events of your life, the most important, i.e. about your profession, training and marriage. These are very important questions of life, so you solve them in adulthood. But only you want to solve these, such important, questions yourself and say:
“I’ll figure it all out myself, I’ll decide it myself!” I think so, I think so, I think so!
But, unfortunately, our criteria are purely worldly, human, biological, psychological, emotional, they are not Divine at all. They are not Divine at all, my child! Few people have the strength to put a limit to their instincts and passions and say not “what I like”, “what suits me”, but “Lord, I think so, but You, Lord, how do You look at it? Because I might be blinded." After all, when emotions and love are not fermented on the love of Christ, they are simply human, blind, blinded, and because of them you do not see clearly.
Yes, that impulse and lust is necessary to get started, but it also takes intelligence to look at some things logically. Where can this happen? In the church. How else will you get enlightenment? Myself? Not praying, not confessing, not taking communion? So I gave one person practical advice:
- Read every day an akathist to the Most Holy Theotokos. You're doing it?
- Yes, I do not have time, I do not think that I have enough time for this.
“Well, if you don’t have time, then don’t do it. And if you do not have time to do this, then I understand that you are not really tormented by your problem.
- How does it not torment, father? I want to find her and start a family!
But if she tormented you, you would not want to let it go at random. You need to tighten up a little too. The Israelites crossed the Red Sea on dry land because it was a miracle. And you need to sweat a little, do something, bring something. How? With your prayer, in which you will show your strong desire. You will show it in prayer to the Most Holy Theotokos, to our Lord and say: “Most Holy Theotokos, grant me the love of Your Son and send a person who would love me and whom I would love, so that we could live the rest of our lives together and love the Lord God with the whole family your Son." And the Most Holy Theotokos will grant it to you.
You say:
“Well, do I have to do this every day?”
Eh, yes, you are not serious, you do not look seriously at the spiritual life, and you are not tormented by what you are looking for, because if you were tormented, then you would not only once a day, you would constantly read an akathist.
You say:
“Now, if I knew exactly what it would be, then I would do it!”
We do not believe in the power of God, the power of prayer, and therefore we do not pray, and therefore we do not hope for prayer.
You see now? Therein lies your big problem. Did you acknowledge it? Now you have looked into the very root of the problem - you do not believe. We do not believe in the power of God, the power of prayer, in the Lord, and therefore we do not pray, and therefore we do not hope for prayer. I will tell you something else: that is why the Lord does not listen to these unfaithful, cold, formal prayers. And what does He say? “Leave it, leave it a little more, let it “bake”, let it call from the heart.”
The Lord does not torment you, He wants you to mature. To mature means that you begin to seriously look at your relationship with God, with people, so that you understand that these important issues are not resolved outside the Church. Because, unfortunately, after a divorce, everyone runs to the Church. When your children go astray, you say:
Father, save my child!
And when something happens at home:
- Father, take these names, remember them! Our family is falling apart!
But why? Are we going to pick up the pieces all the time? The light of Christ exists not to illuminate only fragments, but also whole diamonds, shining with heavenly light and God's beauty. The Church exists not only for failed, tormented, suffering spouses.
Those of you who have gone through dangers, you are great, who are reaching out to the Church, who have found the way, even through pain and suffering. Bravo! You deserve praise. And who else is at the beginning - let the mistakes and failures of others make you think.
The truth is that without Christ it is impossible to survive these events and soon not feel the stench of corruption, death and decay. It is difficult, I think it is impossible, for a connection between people to grow stronger when there is no Christ - unless it is based on money, calculation, etc. But when a storm arises in relations between people, who then does not exclaim: “My Lord, save me!”
Those who love Christ without compulsion, out of gratitude, out of love, because that is how their hearts are set, are worthy of admiration. Blessed are those who, in the whirlpool of problems - at least then - turn to God and find their way.
I pray to God that all of you find this path and meet the person of your life on it, and that you walk hand in hand with him, and not so that one pulls here and the other there, but that both of you are drawn to the East, i.e. to the East. e. Christ! I always pray to God that you experience miracles in your life, such as those that we talked about, and the greatest miracle is the feeling of God's presence and love in our heart and our life!
You often think that you can't start a family. But nowadays it is not so important. Well, think about it, this is probably not given to everyone. But in the other direction of life, something turns out better than others. Although, after such conclusions it is easier not to become.
You get distracted for a while, sometimes you forget that you really want to start a family. But the same thoughts continue to spin in my head: “I really want to start a family! What to do? How to be? Here I should have it and that's it! I really want a family!”
And this feeling that undermines from the inside is not going to disappear anywhere. It whines endlessly like a toothache. And sometimes so hard that you want to smash your head against the wall.
Yes! You are constantly waiting for that one, faithful and reliable man who, like you, really wants to start a family and children. For whom the value of the family is not an empty phrase. The one who will not spend days on the couch with words of love. And he can provide for you and the children.
But for some reason you are always wrong. Sometimes you look back and you begin to remember the men on whom you pinned your hopes. But ... it didn’t grow together, it didn’t stick together, it didn’t work out to create a family. Because she often chose the wrong men. And so I want to know: “Where is he - the one? Where is he - my man? After all, I really want to start a family! I just need it!”
All of my friends are already married. And you keep joking about this topic. You keep preparing new stories about why you are still not married. Tired of making excuses. Someone to explain something. Everything would be different if you yourself knew the answer to the question “How to start a family?”
People are looking for their soul mates, or soul mates, or someone else. Everyone invents for themselves the image of a partner and adjusts it to fit their ideas. And when a potential partner meets, we have no idea who we've contacted.
Because our desires to see it exactly the way we want it do not correspond to reality. And while we understand this, time passes, during which we manage to make many mistakes and accumulate unpleasant experience. And even get out of a relationship with resentment. And then what? Wait, search and make mistakes again?!
Certainly! But only this is “lucky” and who and where is lucky is not the probability that will lead to marriage. It's like a finger to the sky ... Why gain an unpleasant experience or, for example, waste time on the wrong thing when there is a great opportunity that will reveal the whole mechanism and all the secrets of relationships.
It will reveal how to see and understand what kind of person is in front of you. With what intentions, what is hidden behind the sweet words of love. Is this really what he thinks. How not to miss someone who may be modest, but will do more to create a family than you think.
How not to wait for fate, but to find out and choose the very one and start a family? If you think: “I really want to start a family, but I don’t know how?!” Then take the first step: start with this article.
