The apartment was empty, the soul was sad. And in my head there is only one thought - how to return my husband home.
There is always a chance for her husband to return to the family. The faithful is still marked in the passport as a legal spouse, and we have the right to communicate with him. No need to wave your passport when you meet in an attempt to reason with him. Or constantly call, beg for forgiveness, try to pity. The seal can be easily removed if the wife behaves too aggressively. And prayers instead of sympathy can cause contempt and neglect.
Running around girlfriends in search of support and help is also not an option. Firstly, each person has his own view of the problems. What suits one often harms another.
Secondly, one of the friends may start hunting for someone else's husband. Yes, he will say nasty things about his wife. And we ourselves in our hearts are able to tell about the faithful that outsiders do not need to know.
Try not to yell at your spouse, do not throw tantrums. Aggression is not the best companion in building relationships. All that you will achieve by such behavior is to assure your husband that he did the right thing. Gain strength and courage to behave calmly in this situation.
No need to tearfully beg him to come back, do not humiliate yourself. He will feel sorry for you, but pity is not love. Make it clear that you are not one of those who are easily broken, that you are a strong and wise woman. This will at least earn respect from her husband.
Do not blackmail him with children, an apartment or other common values. Men can't stand being pressured. Even if you force him to return by this, you will no longer have a normal life.
Don't ask him about your rival. He is in love. With foam at the mouth, he will protect his mistress, and remember all your sins. Don't torture yourself.
Do not try to take revenge on your husband by cheating. First, you won't feel better. Secondly, if the husband finds out about this, he will no longer want to return to you. Men treat their own betrayals easily, but women do not forgive.
It’s better to be alone for now and figure out why the spouse left. And then make a plan of action. It will also depend on the reason for the breakup, the situation in the family before leaving, and on the character of the husband. Each case requires different actions, but there are general principles.
Try to look at the relationship in marriage from the perspective of an outsider. It is advisable to contact a psychologist for this - it is difficult to be impartial in such a situation. It is necessary to understand whether what happened is a pattern or a spontaneous outburst of emotions.
Perhaps the marriage had been cracking at the seams for a long time, and we refused to admit it, did not try to do something. If so, then everything is normal. Parting sooner or later would have happened as a natural stage in the relationship. The couple needs to understand how much they need each other. And then it remains to wait and maintain a good relationship.
If you still want to return your husband to the family, he must know that his half is yearning and waiting. Otherwise, the spouse may decide that he is not needed. And do not return, even if he himself goes crazy in separation.
There may be other reasons for the gap. The couple lived as usual: they discussed family problems, argued, quarreled, reproached each other for something. But before the man was angry, he could be silent or scream, but he did not leave.
It turns out that the intensity of emotions has become too strong. Who is to blame is not so important. You need to keep a man from rash actions. In this state, he is able to file for divorce. Or start an affair to blow off steam and get revenge. Then it will not be easy to return the relationship. So, you need to find a husband, caress, apologize. Let him get angry at first, but he will begin to calm down and will not commit reckless acts.
When family relationships break down, it is especially important not to forget about children. They suffer most from the fact that dad is no longer around. Overcome your own weakness, become a support for them. But in no case do not set up against your husband. Children really need a father. Losing love, respect for him is too difficult a test for a child's psyche. Let them see each other. In addition to taking care of the children, this is another point in our plan to return the husband home.
During the breakup, try to become what you were before you met him. After all, he was once in love with that woman without memory. Take care of yourself, devote more time to caring for your appearance. Go to visit friends, visit the fitness center, update your wardrobe. You are doing all this for yourself, not for him. You just have free time to regain the chic that you had before you were mired in family life.
Be confident. When meeting with your husband, behave in such a way that he understands that he offended you very much, but do not take on the appearance of a victim. Smile, talk calmly, but slightly aloofly. Now he probably expects a violent reaction from you - accusations, screams and tears. Show that you have pride and live happily without it.
During your life together, you probably have a common circle of friends and acquaintances. When the husband leaves, friends are divided into two camps: one is on your side, the other is on the side of the husband. Do not lure mutual acquaintances to your side. Do not elicit from them the details of his personal life - this will become known to the husband and will only turn him away from you. Communicate with everyone as if nothing had happened. Avoid talking about breaking up - you will surely have other topics to discuss.
Make new friends, surround yourself with interesting people. Go without him to the cinema, theater, to some events. Look for entertainment opportunities, fill your life with new events. But it's not worth starting novels just yet. First, make sure that your husband is not returned. Or that there is no longer any need for his presence nearby.
Don't think about running around fortune tellers and psychics. Their services are expensive and their services questionable. As a result, in addition to an empty house, we get an empty pocket.
The best tactic is to wait. If a man lives with another girl, he will not necessarily be better with her than with you. The first romantic feelings will soon subside. They will be replaced by gray everyday life: dirty socks, tasteless dinner, unpleasant habits of each other. You lived with him for a long time and probably learned how to make his life comfortable. You know exactly what he likes for breakfast, how many suits to put him on a business trip, what medicine to give for a runny nose. Your opponent has no such advantages.
He is accustomed to a well-established life, and building a new family means getting used to new rules. Not every man can survive such stress. So in most cases, husbands who leave their wives for their mistresses return home.
In any case, in order for a man to want to return, you need to talk to him. Calmly, kindly, frankly. If the spouse is too offended or furious, he may not go to such a conversation. You should not insist. Please try again after a while. The main thing is that he can at least listen without answering anything. And it is important for a woman to choose the right words. Let's say it will be a monologue, but the husband will remember it. He will comprehend everything, draw conclusions and, most likely, return to the family.
The return of a man is possible even after a divorce. The main condition, without which the further development of normal relations is impossible, is forgiveness. Only if you sincerely forgive each other can your family exist. Omissions, resentment and mutual reproaches are the first path to defeat.
The husband does not leave, but you know for sure that he has another. He deceives you, and you feel that you are losing your man. Do not tell your husband that you know everything. Otherwise, you will either have to crush the offense and live with it further, or demand a divorce. But you want to return your husband to the family.
First of all, stop self-deprecating. You're not scary, you're not stupid, you're not fat. The husbands of even the most beautiful women make mistresses.
Do not try to follow him, read SMS, ask your friends about who your rival is. In any case, he will find out about your behavior, and this will cause him either pity or disgust. And if it comes to a showdown and he has to confess everything to you, it will be difficult to contain his emotions. This will be another pebble in your garden: you are a nervous hysteric, and she is a gentle, wise woman. If after all these events you stay with him, then he will understand that you cannot live without him, and will cheat, almost without hiding.
Having learned that her husband has an affair on the side, it is better to go somewhere under a fictitious pretext. Give vent to emotions and cry enough, And upon returning to act calmly.
All you have to do now is draw his attention to yourself. Change your habits. If his evening delays usually end with an interrogation, start ignoring them. If you have been busy with everyday life all day, then you should relax and devote more time to yourself personally. Do not constantly think about how to get your husband back, just live for yourself.
Urgently take care of your appearance: change your hairstyle, style of clothing. Don't forget sexy lingerie. But if before you chose black satin sets, then try on something red, or pink, with lace. Let him see you by chance in new underwear before you go out. This will make him think that you are interesting to someone other than him. Jealousy is a rather serious reason to leave a successful relationship on the side for a while, and seriously take on a wife that is “escaping” from the hands.
Just do not really have a lover just for the sake of revenge on the offender. Maybe some of the men will shake it up, but usually they do not forgive betrayal. This can be a great reason to break up with you officially.
Think about the mistakes you make in your life together. Maybe you are too repressive of your husband. Or maybe you seem so helpless and inept to him that you only annoy him. You know your husband very well and will be able to understand what was wrong with you. Try to change internally - it cannot go unnoticed.
It is unlikely that a man will leave you during this time. Usually, such decisions are made for a very long time. Unless you push him by kicking him out of the house. Let him remember that you are the same woman he fell in love with years ago. This should be a powerful incentive to look at you in a new way - especially if you change internally for the better. And you yourself will be able to decide during this time whether you need this person, or you can safely let him go to a new attachment.
Talk 8
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Question to the psychologist:
Please help. No strength to endure! I don't want to live. I am married, but as if without a husband.
The situation is this. Married for 2 years, has a daughter for 1 year. The child is very active, capricious - it requires a lot of strength and attention, I get tired for days. Zero support from my husband. More and more often, he breaks down, humiliates me, yells, can push me, brings me to tantrums and ... runs away. at what on the sly and without explanations, but with things. He blames me for everything - they say, I provoke, I rage, etc. Although I ask for elementary things - help and at least some attention.
When they met, he was white and fluffy, but now they seem to have changed ... A year ago, after a quarrel, he asked for forgiveness and lived in perfect harmony for at least a month, swore that he would not run away, that he understood everything, etc. But in fact, everything is getting worse and worse every day ... He can say that he hates that I am nobody, that I am his worst mistake in life .... He leaves, does not pick up the phone - and he does not care that I alone with the baby, that something could happen, etc.
And I, fool, forgive. I love.
I am very afraid of divorce. I don't even know how to explain. I do not depend on him financially, he lives in my apartment. But I can't live without him..... He's out the door - and I'm hysterical that I have no strength.
Parents and friends are apparently tired of supporting, they say, if you endure, then you like this attitude, including there is no one to cry .....
Help .... Or how to break off these relationships, or how to explain to a person that one cannot run away from problems and quarrels ... He is a man, he is 32 years old.
He is from a drinking family, then an unsuccessful marriage (they say the wife was walking) - I felt sorry for him, tried to show what a family is - comfort ... but, on the contrary, it apparently irritates him .... (For example, I ask, warn me, that you are late - he tells me - I have to report)
And the most offensive thing is that he achieved that I believe that no one needs me, that I will not succeed with anyone and that I myself am to blame for everything ...
Although before, I would only twist at the temple for this. I have a higher education, wealthy parents, won prizes at various beauty contests. And now... I'm sitting at home. the roof is moving. and I don't want to live...
I tried to take him to church, took him to the grandmas (they thought maybe the former did damage, because it also spoils our lives from time to time), asked him to drink a course of sedatives, he agrees, then again a bzik and that's it ....
Hello Irina. Your situation is quite complex, but very common. The problem of mutual understanding between spouses very often arises in the first year of a child's life. Family attitudes and the level of responsibility also play a role here. You write that everything was different before, while you were free, worked and did not have to stay at home with a child. Probably, you also got tired and asked for help, but these problems were solved easier, since there were no such quarrels. Right? And now I'm sitting at home. the roof is moving." Of course, two people are involved in the emergence of the conflict and its settlement. And his leaving the house, it's just the inability to resist you. “I have a higher education, wealthy parents” “He is from a drinking family.” This will certainly affect how you and he communicate. You're making arguments that he can't counter verbally, so the only thing he can do is leave.
Irina, I understand that you want to find the answer to the question "How to get him to help and enter into a dialogue in conflicts." But before you resolve this issue, you need to improve the relationship so that he wants to come home, stop considering marriage with you a mistake, so that he becomes comfortable. When there is a fight, do you get your way? Does he come later and help you? If not, then this method does not work. Therefore, you are wasting your resources on strife instead of spending it on peace. Try to change your strategy and, for starters, stop conflicting about help.
Hello. The child is 1.8 months old. I am 28, my husband is 36. Civil marriage-year, plus in marriage-2 years. We often quarrel. It has always been so. The first year went away for several years. once a night. She wrote, called, returned, but never in the evening, always in the morning. It got worse with birth. I can’t take a sedative to pull off insults during quarrels because I’m breastfeeding my baby. Then it was that he left for a couple of days. Lived in a hotel. Returned. Since January of this year, he left completely collecting things 3 times for 2-3 weeks, lives with his parents so as not to spend on rent (as he says), returned, said that he would not leave again. The first time (2 weeks) - I took a loan of 300t.r. and bought a car. The second one, a week later, he moved out from his parents, rented a room, took out a loan of 100 thousand and 100 thousand on the card was postponed by us and spent everything, as he says, on clubs, restaurants, gasoline. At the same time, it is absolutely not a club, for life together wanted to go once. This is despite the fact that 100 thousand were set aside for a down payment on a mortgage. Now, with a salary of 50 thousand, we pay 23 for an apartment, 12 for loans, and we live on the rest. He says he hasn't changed. I used to be paid 10 maternity. now-nothing. In the fall I go to work, because he does not have enough money. Sex once or twice (just since January) a month, I never do it, but says that after quarrels I don’t want to. I ask: do you want me? She says that on the contrary, I really want to. But things are still there. We fight for any reason. Both initiators of quarrels. Both are not shy in expressions, but I never remind him of this, but he always remembers and says that this is the reason for his departures and call it an act "on emotions". That I am not a man, he asks. During departures, he never calls, writes, does not ask, like a child, what might be needed. Now he's gone again. Almost 3 weeks. Sent 2 emails yesterday. letters of accusation and self-accusation. There is no strength to respond to provocations and go through his "leaving for good" again next time.
Question 2:
1. Does it justify leaving his wife with a small child for 2-3 weeks and is this normal adequate behavior in response to quarrels (that is, is it really possible to offend like that or is this a psychological problem that needs to be addressed). Is it commensurate: resentment from the spoken words and such a long departure from his wife and small child, when we need him and his help.
2. Is there a possibility that what actions (denial of the need and desire for marriage, indifference) can interrupt this series, or will it always continue? In the sense that he changed for the worse: he didn’t leave us (then me) before marriage. In his previous marriage (10 years) he never (according to him) left. That is, this habit has appeared in him lately and only with me.
Hello! help me cope with the problem - after each conflict, my husband leaves the house in an unknown direction (it takes 3-4 hours in the evening or at 4 in the morning), after trying on, he says that he was sitting, sleeping in the car. I don’t know how to respond to such situations. I also tried to leave after conflicts (within a reasonable evening for 2 hours) ended in scandals, as if I was walking to the left. character - I’ll say something wrong and everything flared up. For example, today at dinner we talked and touched my sore subject going out to cafes, clubs. as she says so that she doesn’t go astray, she’s married, sit at home babysitter /, I don’t communicate with anyone except neighbors and parents) to which I said: don’t touch my sore subject. , I already shuddered and I splashed tea into his s (not on my husband)). after I got together and did how he left home, though only for an hour, to the pharmacy and the store and the time was from 8 to 9 pm. I came, sat, watched TV in silence and my husband went to bed, in 4 in the morning I got up, got ready and left. I called my cell and asked where he was after a long "none of your business" said that he was at the station. Why is not known. I called the station and found out that one train was coming at that time, well, even if it was for work , then it’s somehow doubtful, somehow the train route (through the cities with which its SP works) is not connected. And so he didn’t spend the night at home! we’re tired (we can’t say a word for a month), we also don’t want to hang out on our own (and there’s nowhere to go and no one, not to parents, rubbish to bear), but it’s impossible to talk no matter how much I would not come up, I would not offer to find compromises - the answer to all my proposals is - I don’t want to, or I said and at least hurt everything. By nature, I’m also not a gift I can freeze something like that, now I try to remain silent not to argue and it feels like the more I indulge I try to do as they ask, but it turns out to be little and little. You don’t think that I provoke all conflicts, 50% to 50% is only one case from life, which is today! We don’t walk together (there’s no one to leave the child, even if there is something to go, there’s nowhere to go to clubs with her husband, she doesn’t understand cafes (you can eat at home), you can rarely download a movie - we have different tastes and interests, the difference at the age of 11 years is 23. My husband is 34). My husband has no friends (one and then in another city, everyone else is just acquaintances, I don’t have any girlfriends, I dispersed everyone, only so the neighbors are on the street on benches during a child's walk). And the problem is that my husband has no sense of humor, he doesn’t know how to have fun, enjoy the little things in life, we laugh so rarely, when I go to my parents I laugh so much, I laugh and at these moments I catch myself thinking: I need to get a laugh a month ahead, because at home it’s like that it doesn’t happen. help me find a solution, I definitely won’t persuade you to go to a psychologist. Is there something wrong with me? Am I so picky? and there’s no one to ask how other families live? and anxiety that here and again something will happen. I have a feeling in my heart, as if I don’t live, but I exist. I’m waiting for an answer from you.
If your husband left the family - this is not a reason to fall into hysterics and think that life is over. There is a correct behavioral tactic that will help to avoid stress and adequately solve the problem. We will share it in this article. You will learn why spouses leave their wives, how to respond to the desire to file for divorce, how to behave when parting. You will also decide what to do after the breakup of a marriage, whether it is worth returning the departed man and how to do it correctly. You will find advice from experienced psychologists and a way out of the situation.
Most often, psychologists name the following reasons:
There can be many reasons why a loved one decided to leave his wife and get divorced, and not all of them are limited to cheating spouses or mutual claims.
If the lover has not yet left the family and is in no hurry to file for divorce, but intends to do so, the woman needs to show restraint and wisdom. Excessive emotionality will only harm the situation. How should one behave in such a case?
Psychologists emphasize that in most cases, separation can be prevented, and sometimes an elementary conversation saves from divorce. But overwhelmed by pride and resentment, the spouses refuse to hear each other's claims.
To prevent a crisis, you need to talk, discuss problems and decide if there is a way out of this situation.
If the partner nevertheless decided to divorce, you need to behave as follows:
The main thing is not to seem like a victim. If the woman cries and begs, the partner wants to leave the house as soon as possible. If she looks detached, independent, grains of doubt may arise in him.
You need to talk with your lover without resentment and trembling in your voice, emphasizing the positive aspects in the relationship. All this can become an incentive for their future resurrection. You also need to consider that often. Read here why this happens and how to behave.
And now the woman was left alone, what should be the algorithm of her actions? It all depends on the specific situation. If a man does not have a new girlfriend, it is better to behave as follows:
Psychologists emphasize that the departure of a man does not mean a final separation. But if he already has a mistress, it will be more difficult to return a partner. Here you need to act as follows:
If the lover then returns, then leaves, and this has been going on for many months, you should state your position. A woman should emphasize that such a guest marriage does not suit her. She can find a suitor for herself, saying that she can live without a spouse.
Psychologists confirm that the constant departure and return of a husband is a sign of his indecision, unwillingness to divorce.
The spouse is not ready for parting even in case of slowness in submitting documents to the registry office. If a man is in no hurry to write a divorce application, you should not rush him. A girl can send romantic SMS to her husband, occasionally cross paths with him - do everything so that the thought of parting seems stupid to him.
Many psychologists advise the lady to carefully consider the need for the return of her lover. What factors can influence this?
Not all unions deserve to fight for them to the end. But if a woman loves her husband immensely and cannot live without him, such a struggle makes sense.
Do you want to know all the ways to quickly get your loved one back after a breakup? We recommend reading free book Alexey Chernozem "How to return a loved one". You will receive a step-by-step plan on how to make him want to come back again.
The book is free. To download, go to this page, leave your e-mail and an email will be sent to the mail with a link to the pdf-file.
To return a lover, you need to act as follows:
A man needs to feel connected to ex-wife understand that they will always have a shared past. Thanks to this, it will be possible to maintain relations and achieve rapprochement between quarreling partners. If the spouse went to his mistress, use ours. It highlights the reasons why this can happen, the role of children, magical rituals, what not to do.
You will find a lot of useful information here, where it is described in detail. We answered the questions: what conspiracies will help solve the problem, what should be the behavior of a woman, what to do if there are children.
Listen to the main mistakes women make when trying to win back their husbands:
Sometimes a woman goes into all serious trouble after a divorce, trying to survive the breakup in this way. Psychologists advise not to rush into the arms of other men, not to look for casual relationships. Now is the perfect time to take care of yourself. It is worth changing your hairstyle, updating your wardrobe, going on vacation. this article will help. Here it is written about 7 steps that need to be taken, how to let him go and not suffer if you live together, how to understand that feelings have passed.
The best medicine after breaking up is a new relationship with another man who will make you truly happy. We advise you to look new free video course Alexey Chernozem "12 laws of seduction for women". From the course you will learn how to attract his attention, push him to get acquainted, interest and captivate.
To watch, click here on this link, leave your e-mail and an email with a link to the video will be sent to the mail.
A woman must learn to love herself, stop blaming herself for divorce. Gradually, from such love, she will blossom, bathing in the attention of the opposite sex. If difficulties arise, we have prepared other tips on how to. We told how to behave, how to survive a blow, especially if there is a child.
How to behave after a breakup, see this video:
Divorce is far from the worst thing that can happen to a woman. Surviving a breakup with dignity is not easy, but by ceasing to blame herself for what happened, the lady will find not only the minuses in parting, but also the advantages. And maybe you don’t want to return your ex-spouse at all.
