Where did this stupid expression - "women's team" come from?
In Kenya, far, far away, there is a village where only women live. It is called Umoja, which means "unity" in Swahili. The village was founded twenty years ago by women of the Samburu tribe. Before that, according to the traditions of the tribe, they were completely powerless: they were equated with cows or agricultural implements. Samburu can beat their wives, mock them, even kill them. The poor people bought their security dearly: their husbands beat them severely in order to "turn women back into women." But they won, and they were left alone.
A few years ago, I wrote to Umoja project coordinator Jane Wilner and asked for some of the challenges that samburu women face today. Jane told me that there are some difficulties in the village. First, they lack two sources of income instead of one. Secondly, they still hope that they will marry a worthy man. Women who were beaten, raped, sold and humiliated by men regret that they did not find "worthy". Habit is second nature. Thirdly, the villagers began to have conflicts over leadership. They began to quarrel among themselves.
Is it so bad? Isn't this notorious "women's collective", the kingdom of hazing (babovshchina?), after all not a myth invented by men?
We devalue the company of our own kind, whether at work or among friends. For example, I often hear from women: “I have always been friends with men,” and it sounded proud. When did the society of men become such a value? Why be among them "cooler" than among us?
Among chimpanzees, our closest relatives, relationships between females are also not easy. Monkeys live in small groups (about 50 individuals), which are called "communities". Sometimes female chimpanzees move from one community to another, and there they are met by other females, indigenous women - almost like a stepmother welcomes Cinderella in old fairy tales. It comes to the point that the locals kill not only aliens, but also their newborn cubs. So often strangers have to ask for protection from males. But in bonobos, known for their sexual emancipation, everything is exactly the opposite. Instead of conflicting, females build very strong harmonious bonds and even dominate males in pursuit of food. That is, where chimpanzees fight each other, bonobos will unite.
We are monkeys. And we're more chimpanzee than bonobos.
If we lived in the jungle, our aggression towards each other would be explained by the desire to leave as healthy and strong offspring as possible. In chimpanzees, the female's success lies primarily in access to quality food, while the male's success depends on whether he is popular with fertile females.
Hatred has begun. Males make us children, and females select bananas and give them to their babies. One joy - we are no longer in the jungle.
As time goes by, men stop being so shaggy (well, most, at least), crawl out of caves and settle in castles. Others, less successful, occupy more modest housing. We still live in communities and, as before, we are forced to decide who is beneficial for us to stick to, and who is better to avoid or eliminate altogether.
For thousands of (I'm not joking) years, all the most valuable resources of mankind have been concentrated in the hands of men: education was received by men; men owned property; religion, politics and family patterns were built by men.
Accordingly, it didn’t make sense to be friends with women, but to arrange a race for the right to be closer to the “food base” - yes. After all, if a man leaves for another woman, he will take all the blessings with him. Also, in a traditional society, a woman, just like a chimpanzee, leaves her home and comes to a man's house, where there are other women, often hostile. Hence, there are so many stories and tales about the evil stepmother or mother-in-law. Previously, girls at the wedding even sang special pitiful songs about how the mother-in-law would pull their hair and beat them.
The situation has changed only in the last hundred years, which, by the standards of history, not even yesterday, but literally today at lunchtime. Women go to universities, write books, own land and businesses, make decisions that affect their bodies... The need for a strong partner has become much lower, so what's the deal?
When I was little, my mother told me that if I did not learn how to clean my room, I would never get married. And it was, I will tell you, a terrible threat. At the same time, my mother did not even imagine that a man would clean the house. Or even we are together.
So from the hellish flame is born "you're a girl."
“How can you fight, you’re a girl!”, “Stand up, you’re a girl!”, “Smile, you’re a girl!” ... I remember, and it reduces my teeth, and you?
It’s interesting, but if it weren’t for “I’m a girl”, I could do whatever I want? Shaggy, fighting, spitting chewed paper balls and hunching over? We Girls are never good enough no matter what they do. We borrow this idea from our mothers and grandmothers and carry it with us all our lives, like an eternally hot potato.
"You're a girl" has a twin sister - "look at Katya (Masha, Dasha, Marina)." Then there may be options: “Katya has a luxurious braid, not that you have three hairs”, “Katya has only one four”. And so on ad infinitum. We are constantly compared with each other not in our favor, so much so that even best friend causes irritation after these endless "look at ...".
And what is most interesting, never in my life have I heard anything like that from the mothers of boys, well, except maybe “Don’t cry, you’re a man.” Are boys compared to each other too? They are told: “Misha, look at Petya, he already has a bitsukha hoo, and you have some pathetic bags”? Then we gain independence and begin to convince ourselves that another woman is better than us, which means that there is nothing to love her for.
This wisdom was shared with me by my close friend, and with her by her grandmother.
But if you think about it, it often happens like that, - the friend laughs. - I know so many stories when my husband cheated with a girlfriend ...
Yes, such stories are really dark. In fact, everything is explained by simple mathematics. The average woman always has more girlfriends than friends, and her and her husband's social circle is about the same. It is interesting that a wave of anger always falls on the mistress who "took away", "destroyed the family" and "confused". It always sounds like the man didn't take part in the whole event at all. The husband in this scenario usually acts in a dual way. On the one hand, a man is strength and power, on the other hand, he is such a little boy who cannot be held responsible for his actions.
Women have always been my closest friends. I don't believe in "women's tantrums" or "women's collectives". By the way, my best boss and wonderful friend was a woman. She was only a little older than me, she had a huge heart tattoo on her chest, where it was written "I do not regret anything."
Where did this stupid expression - "women's team" come from?
In Kenya, far, far away, there is a village where only women live. It is called Umoja, which means "unity" in Swahili. The village was founded twenty years ago by women of the Samburu tribe. Before that, according to the traditions of the tribe, they were completely powerless: they were equated with cows or agricultural implements. Samburu can beat their wives, mock them, even kill them. The poor things bought their security dearly: their husbands beat them severely in order to "turn women back into women." But they won, and they were left alone.
A few years ago, I wrote to Umoja project coordinator Jane Wilner and asked for some of the challenges that samburu women face today. Jane told me that there are some difficulties in the village. First, they lack two sources of income instead of one. Secondly, they still hope that they will marry a worthy man. Women who were beaten, raped, sold and humiliated by men regret that they did not find "worthy". Habit is second nature, nothing else. Thirdly, the villagers began to have conflicts over leadership. They began to quarrel among themselves.
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Is it so bad? Is this notorious women's team, the kingdom of hazing (babovshchina?), After all, not a myth invented by men?
We devalue the company of our own kind, whether at work or among friends. For example, I often heard from women: “I have always been friends with men,” and it sounded proud. When did the society of men become such a value? Why is it cooler to be among them than among us?
Among chimpanzees, our closest relatives, relationships between females are also not easy. Monkeys live in small groups (about 50 individuals), which are called communities. Sometimes female chimpanzees move from one community to another, and there they are met by other females, indigenous inhabitants, almost like a stepmother welcomes Cinderella in an old fairy tale. It comes to the point that the locals kill not only aliens, but also their newborn cubs. So often strangers have to ask for protection from males. But with bonobos, known for their sexual liberation, everything is exactly the opposite. Instead of conflicting, females build very strong harmonious bonds and even dominate males in pursuit of food. That is, where chimpanzees fight each other, bonobos will unite.
We are monkeys. And we're more chimpanzee than bonobos. If we lived in the jungle, our aggression towards each other would be explained by the desire to leave as healthy and strong offspring as possible. In chimpanzees, the female's success lies primarily in access to quality food, while the male's success depends on whether he is popular with fertile females.
Hatred has begun. Males make us children, and females select bananas and give them to their babies. One joy - we are no longer in the jungle.
As time goes by, men stop being so shaggy (well, most, at least), crawl out of caves and settle in castles. Others, less successful, occupy more modest housing. We still live in communities and, as before, we are forced to decide who is beneficial for us to stick to, and who is better to avoid or eliminate altogether.
For thousands of (I'm not kidding) years, all the most valuable resources of mankind have been concentrated in the hands of men: education was received by men; men owned property; religion, politics and family patterns were built by men.
Accordingly, it didn’t make sense to be friends with women, but to arrange a race for the right to be closer to the “food base” - yes. After all, if a man leaves for another woman, he will take all the blessings with him. Also, in a traditional society, a woman, just like a chimpanzee, leaves her home and comes to a man's house, where there are other women, often hostile. Hence, there are so many stories and tales about the evil stepmother or mother-in-law. Previously, girls at the wedding even sang special pitiful songs about how the mother-in-law would pull their hair and beat them.
The situation has changed only in the last hundred years, which by the standards of history, not even yesterday, but literally today at lunchtime. Women go to universities, write books, own land and businesses, make decisions that affect their bodies... The need for a strong partner has become much less, so what's the deal?
When I was little, my mother told me that if I did not learn how to clean my room, I would never get married. And it was, I will tell you, a terrible threat. At the same time, my mother did not expect that a man would clean the house. Or even we are together.
So from the hellish flame is born "you're a girl."
“How can you fight, you’re a girl!”, “Stand up, you’re a girl!”, “Smile, you’re a girl!” ... I remember, and it reduces my teeth, and you?
It’s interesting, but if it weren’t for “I’m a girl”, I could do whatever I want? Shaggy, fighting, spitting chewed paper balls and hunching over? We Girls are never good enough no matter what they do. We borrow this idea from our mothers and grandmothers and carry it with us all our lives, like an eternally hot potato.
“You’re a girl” has a twin sister - “look at Katya (Masha, Dasha, Marina)”. Then there may be options: “Katya has a luxurious braid, not like you have three hairs”, “Katya has only one four”. And so on ad infinitum. We are constantly compared to each other not in our favor, so much so that even the best friend is irritated after these endless "look at ...".
And what is most interesting, never in my life have I heard anything like that from the mothers of boys, well, except maybe “Don’t cry, you’re a man.” Are boys compared to each other too? They are told: “Misha, look at Petya, he already has a bitsukha hoo, and you have some pathetic bags”? Then we gain independence and begin to convince ourselves that another woman is better than us, which means that there is nothing to love her for.
This wisdom was shared with me by my close friend, and with her by her grandmother.
“But if you think about it, it often happens like that,” the friend laughs. - I know so many stories when a husband cheated with a girlfriend ...
Yes, such stories are really dark. In fact, everything is explained by simple mathematics. The average woman always has more girlfriends than friends, and her and her husband's social circle is about the same. It is interesting that a wave of anger always falls on the mistress who "took away", "destroyed the family" and "confused". It always sounds like the man didn't take part in the event at all. The husband in such a scenario usually acts in a dual way. On the one hand, a man is strength and power, on the other hand, he is such a little boy who cannot be held responsible for his actions.
Women have always been my closest friends. I don't believe in "women's tantrums" or "women's collectives". My best boss and wonderful friend, by the way, was a woman - only a little older than me, she had a huge tattoo of a heart on her chest, it was written "I do not regret anything."
Nobody ever told us how to be friends. The books we read as children always described the valiant friendship between men - it was she who was considered a model of loyalty and devotion. The films we watched showed us male friends again. “D” Artagnan and the Three Musketeers”, “Mio, my Mio”, “Vacations of Petrov and Vasechkin” ... I don’t go further - into Icelandic sagas or ancient Greek tragedies. Although strong female characters finally began to appear in literature, they have still no girl friends, not even Hermione, the magical girl from the world of Harry Potter, who helps the boys, but she has no friends.
It will be a long time before the body of history grows new meat, in literature and cinema there will be girls who have girlfriends. They will also travel, and different adventures will also happen to them. We will read these books, watch these films, and new values will appear in our girlish world. Mothers will grow up who will not say “you are a girl” and will not call to look at Katya, Marina or Elizabeth ...
We just need time.
Text: Anastasia Maksimova
Photo: Getty Images, Wikipedia
I regularly get questions that guys usually address the universe, but since feedback from him is often junk, Vintovkin will do: “Why does no one love me?” and any variations on the theme (“Why does everyone have girls, but I don’t?”, “Why don’t they pay attention to me?”, “Why can’t I start a relationship with anyone?” Etc.) And each since it’s hard for me, damn hard to find the right words to, on the one hand, cheer up the questioner (because sometimes you really just need to wait). And on the other hand, to force him to look at the objective reasons/habits/characteristics that prevent him from establishing an intergender dialogue.
In order to save myself, and at the same time them, from torment, I decided to collect the most common answers in one post:
I do not think that being sensitive, shy, tactful, prudent and obedient is a bad thing. But that's what young virgins usually think. And the younger the girl is, the more, as a rule, she attaches more importance to the textbook attributes of masculinity (determination bordering on impudence, commanding intonations in her voice, a steely look, a strong-willed chin and the list goes on). To look - and immediately understand: before you is not just a male creature, but a male, and clearly dominant. And the qualities that are at the opposite pole are often interpreted *, on the contrary, as a sign of weakness and self-doubt. And such quivering, not quite (or not at all) male gentlemen usually turn out to be suitable as girlfriends with whom you can go to the movies and fray, but somehow you don’t want to look at them without panties, thanks.
*Of course, such an approach from the point of view of humanism (and an adult woman like me) is cruel, superficial, even stupid. But young girls are often just like that - superficial, stereotypically thinking and, frankly, heartless creatures.
There is no greater torture than a date with a guy who cannot connect two words, looks at you askance and frowningly, as if you made a stuffed animal out of his favorite dachshund, and answers any question as if his every “Ummm ...” will certainly be used against him. First, because a girl usually tunes in to what it is her will entertain and enthrall. And when in the end she herself is forced to pull the whole conversation and act as an animator, this, frankly, is a bummer. Secondly, a society of silent people is always a big test for women's self-esteem. With her head, maybe she understands that the problem is not in her, but in you (and the fact that, hanging for days / weeks / months in some social network, you simply lost the habit - or maybe you never knew how - to communicate in real life). But somewhere deep inside, a worm of doubts is still tossing and turning: all of a sudden, in fact, you are charming and eloquent, and you behave this way with her, because you simply don’t like her enough? And women, whatever one may say, prefer the company of someone who is crazy about them. And he doesn't hide it.
Including and especially in relation to girls. You are rude to them, daring, teasing and just trying to humiliate them at every opportunity. Testicles should be torn off by someone who convinced you that women love to be mixed with dirt. Take my word for it: they don't. Maybe at first some of my gender sisters find this charmingly eccentric and even exciting. But then the realization will certainly come that you behave this way not from an excess of strength, but, on the contrary, from impotence.
The ability to find a spoonful of something foul-smelling and inedible in everything (“Pretty? So, probably a fool or a slut”, “Salary increased by 10%? Well, prices increased by 20”, etc.), in principle, useful for life skill. It is well known that the less you wait, the less you will be disappointed in the end. But this skill is good only for its owner. Everyone else (including girls) in the company of such negative people sooner or later becomes uncomfortable. As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And to give a chance to a guy who clearly has problems "with vision", no one wants to.
Nobody likes whiners. And even the mothers of whiners who are supposed to console, stroke their curls and whisper “everything will be fine”, doing all this, think to themselves, damn it, well, how much can you do, but get together already, in the end! If you are so unbearable and absolutely need to pour out your suffering somewhere, get yourself a little book and write down all your poor things and troubles in it. And the girls absolutely don’t want to hear about the fact that the weather is rubbish, the neighbors got it with their repairs, the ancestors went out of their minds, the last season of the Game of Thrones is boring and so on, in the same minor key. And if you are counting on the fact that the girl will rush to convince you and prove that life is really beautiful and amazing, then in vain. Rather, she will rush into the arms of someone who is not so painful about the imperfections of this world.
In the most primitive, absolutely heterosexual sense. Men who live by the principle “They will come and offer everything themselves” usually naively believe that this rule applies to women as well. And if his threshold is still not upholstered by beautiful, ready for all virgins, then this is a temporary phenomenon. You just need to get comfortable on the couch, make sure the doorbell works, and wait. Alas, it is not. Women, like a hundred years ago, are waiting, hoping and believing that they will be conquered. And even in our harsh metrosexual age, for one like you, there are a dozen hereditary "getters".
Let's take an objective look at the situation. What, besides study / work, series and social networks, is your life filled with? Are you really good at anything? Are you able to talk about something with burning eyes for more than 15 minutes? Yes, even about the etymology of Russian obscenities or the difference between Romanian and Belgian porn. How often, communicating with you, people say: “Oh, cool!”, “Nothing!”, “I would never have thought (a)!” etc. Women have always been drawn - and will continue to do so - to those who know, know how, have seen more than themselves. And the fact that they do not see such a person in you is only to blame for you and your meager range of interests.
If you consider yourself worthless, then why on earth would anyone perceive you differently? If we have to choose between extremes, then girls are more sympathetic to slightly narcissistic natures (the key word is “slightly”). With them, although we are on the sidelines, we are always at the epicenter of attention and events. The main thing is that the ego of the gentleman should be based not only on the fact that in childhood his mother told him: “Baby, you are the best!”, But on something a little more substantial and tangible.
The state - smooth roads and polite doctors, friends - to meet at the airport at three in the morning, girls - to hand over their phone numbers, as soon as you linger on them for more than three seconds. Such types, firstly, usually turn out to be terry bores and egoists who only go on about their needs, for the most part unsatisfied. And secondly, often they themselves do not know how and do not have what to give to those who are nearby. And relationships are, whatever one may say, couple view sports.
Yesterday in Los Angeles, the NYX FACE Awards ceremony was held, where she spoke about complex relationships with TV presenter Julianna Rancic and commented on her departure from Fashion Control (Fashion Police).
I will never admit that I like Julianna Rancic. Because I don't like her! I don't think she is a good person. Moreover, I consider her a liar. One of the people I like in the fashion industry is Brad Goresky. He's very funny. Also, I'm really glad that Melissa Rivers took the chair in the Fashion Control show. Show must go on! And I will move on
Kelly told.
When asked by a reporter if she would ever return to the show, Osbourne replied:
Yes, but only if some people disappear from the show. Recall Kelly in February this year. Officially, it is believed that she independently made this decision. However, according to insiders, the channel's management put her before a choice - either the girl leaves herself, or she will be fired.
One of the reasons could be the incident with Julianna Rancic and Zendaya Coleman: the live host criticized the image of the singer on the red carpet of the "" award, noting that her hairstyle "smells of patchouli and weed." Osbourne then threatened to quit if Rancic did not publicly apologize to Coleman. According to insiders, it was then that Julianna explicitly hinted to management that her colleague was fired.
As a preface, I note that I am always against memorized patterns and prepared material. Therefore, do not use the material in this article as a magic pill.
Always learn to generate the right words yourself.
The best thing is to always say it straight and like it is.
For example, tell her: You `re cool. You are super! I like you!»
Here is the first paragraph on the topic of how to tell a girl that I like her.
For example, you can compliment her hair if it's really cool:
You can use phrases to project your future together, where you are already a couple in love:
These are such subtle hints of sympathy for a girl.
Compliments about what a girl is cute, you can come up with different and very many.
If she's really cute, that shouldn't be a problem.
If only because she reads from your face the charm of her femininity.
For example: " You are so cute. I'll definitely give you a New Year's present».
Thus, I don't worry about hinting to a girl that I like her.
You can tell her about it implicitly, thereby creating some kind of intrigue.
« Why are you doing this to me?”- ask her this, thereby making it clear that she is very attractive to you.
« Hello I like your style”- you can start acquaintance with these words.
I'm talking about the case when the beauty is completely unfamiliar to you, and you make the first approach to her.
« Let's play a romance where you get pregnant from me and then we have to get married”- with this phrase you invite her to play different roles on funny topics.
Having said something like this, I no longer ask questions about how to let a girl know that I like her.
« Do you want to be my other half?"- a phrase of sympathy for her and emotional closeness (an example of an opener to start a conversation with a stranger).
In no case should you say these words from the position that you cannot live without her, and she supposedly will somehow complement you.
« You are so cool and pretty. What are you doing to me?- I compliment her and blame her for it at the same time.
For example, these words close the dilemma on how to admit to a girl that I like her.
« I want to be close to a nice girl” - say this if she does not understand what is happening, and you sit down closer to her.
Thus, she feels your condition better, it is transmitted to her. It also happens in cases where the guy knows everything about.
Let's analyze the question of how to hint to a girl about a relationship correctly.
It's like this: “Listen, you are cool, and I feel good with you. Let's see each other more often and have a great time together!"
Then I usually ask what days she is free most often.
I never have a problem with how to tell a girl that I like her and ask her out.
For those guys who are wondering how to tell a girl that I love her.
To start, ask yourself:
For those who want to confess their love to their passion, one should also remember realize the following.
A woman doesn't want to be an adventure, she wants to go on an adventure with you. She wants to go to a more meaningful and bigger event than herself. Otherwise, if your focus is completely only on her, she loses interest in you, and you become needy in her eyes.
Keep this in mind, so you won't need phrases on how to hint to a girl that you want to date her, and remove all doubts.
« Do you want to go on a date? Do you want to start a romance with me?”- it is better to say to an unfamiliar beauty when you just saw her.
By doing so, you invite her on an adventure.
And I say this not even with the aim of inviting or calling her somewhere, but simply finding any reason to start a conversation with her.
This is all done playfully and the words should correspond to your condition, that is, it should be.
Otherwise, this item will not work for you.
Then you can continue the conversation by changing the topic to any other topic.
« I just posted on facebook that you and I were making love”- rapprochement through positive emotions and humor.
Ideally, there should be no filters at all. Know everything about communication and life in general.
« I choose you, I like to communicate with you”- with this phrase you show that you choose her.
« I just saw you and couldn't resist"- use when approaching a stranger.
You don't have to be mega-charismatic to know everything about.
"I like you more than those girls"– and pointing at any random girls nearby.
One more word as an addition to the discussion of the topic on how to tell a girl that I need her, beautifully.
This can be done both in a club, if you just met her, and on a date.
"Can I call my mom and say I met my wife?"- allusions to your marriage as a joke.
There is such a strong chemistry between us, like in the series "Breaking Bad"– voice what you feel for her with humor.
It is always better to talk about your feelings for her in your own words without a memorized text.
Thus, you will pump this ability in yourself, you will not need any prepared material and you will know everything about that.
“I am really drawn to you. I do not know why” - voice your strong attraction to her.
"I like being with you more than with friends"- you chose her among others and you want to be with her most of all.
To the question of how to hint a girl for a kiss:
I had a case when one woman deliberately began to dodge my kiss. Initially, I did everything right and saw no reason to resist.
I did not want to play these cat and mouse and immediately said bluntly: “ I want to kiss you".
To which she replied: What if I can't kiss?(and everything became immediately clear).
To which I replied: I will teach you".
And there was no more resistance. It's so easy, without any games and other nonsense, you can hint to a girl for the first kiss.
In addition to the topic, I decided to show my video where I meet a hot woman in the mall.
In it you can clearly see what I wrote about in this article.
It also contains answers to the topic of how to tell a girl that she is beautiful in your own words.
About finding a topic to talk to women on dates on my site.
The feature of role reversal between you and clues for a joint future:
Even if it is not she who seduces you, but you her, but this will remind you that you are a man and a woman.
"Remove your breasts, hide them from me, I only want to see your beautiful face."
Here is such a compliment to her figure and appearance at the same time, which helps to confess her sympathy for a girl, can be given.
If for the first time you want to confess to a girl about your sympathy and intentions, then never do it via the Internet.
It’s better to ask yourself: “What prevented you from doing this in your first minutes of meeting when you met?”.
What prevented a girl from hinting that you like her when you saw her for the first time?
Why the internet is so bad for this:
