December 17th, 2015
One type calls here on my mobile phone with claims:
- Andrey, why did you call my wife a fool?!
Where did you get my phone?
Friends gave.
It's clear. Tell them they're goats. Because I need the phone only for work, and not for empty chatter with idiots. So what's up? Who is your wife?
It turns out that his wife is a fierce oppositionist, spitting saliva in my LiveJournal. For example, the other day she wrote to a completely harmless humorous post about Putin, "your leader is wretched ... oh." In Soviet times, she would have been brought under the article for insulting the president. And now everything is possible. We have democracy and freedom of speech. Which is what I pointed out to her. She again - splashes with saliva from hatred.
"Well, you're a fool! :)" - I write.
The girl experiences terrible moral torment, runs to complain. Husband. My husband is a distant acquaintance of mine, we worked together, a gray mouse, he gets my phone somewhere and he comes up with the idea to call me.
Andrey, why did you call my wife a fool?!
Because your wife is a fool, I say. - This is an objective reality.
What do you allow yourself? Who do you think you are?
Forget this number, scarecrow, - He hung up.
Calls again. Put the phone on the black list. He didn't bother me anymore.
No, really, if the wife is a fool, that's his problem, not mine. Why should I solve it? .. Here the problem must be somehow solved together with my wife. Make her read more. Write essays in the evenings. Solve logic puzzles. It develops.
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What to do if the wife is a fool a fool. Don’t say a word to her, she immediately sheds tears, or rolls tantrums from scratch, for no reason. Five minutes ago she was a cheerful and, it seems, a happy woman, and now the fury, who has rushed off the bat: with screams, squeals and almost with fists, destroying everything in her path, flies out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her.
The question for husbands is more than difficult and almost insoluble. A lot of ways have been tried to stop the development of the scandal - hug, kiss, calm in other ways. Sometimes it works, but not for long. What to do, if the wife is a fool and hysterical? The answer can be found in the article: "Tantrums. Why is she creating problems where there aren't any?"
Such women are sensitive, kind, able to truly love, they all have a high emotional amplitude. At the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, such people are defined as carriers of the visual vector.
But if they are not realized, then they become hysterical, proud, demanding attention and unable to create emotional bonds.
What can you advise husbands who consider their wife a fool and hysterical? First of all, find out why she behaves this way, what drives her, and what to do anyway.
With such a formulation of the phrase, several questions immediately revolve in the head of every normal person. Most importantly, why did you get married?
Let's break it down piece by piece. It's no secret that family life is not only romance and bouquets every day, but first of all - hard work. Not physically, but emotionally.
Once upon a time, parents married young people, and they chose a couple only from their own - one faith, one class and one upbringing. So-called misalliances rarely occurred when a master married a serf. Why is this being said? Moreover, the level of spiritual, mental and emotional development of the spouses was almost the same. Yes, and the views on the world, laid down by the parents, in most cases coincided.
Now let's look at the situation in our time. Now they marry only at the behest of the heart or by pregnancy. Oligarch hunters must be placed in a separate row, but still.
Just imagine the situation. IN modern world men have lost their role. From earners and protectors, they became either office clerks or simple hard workers. In each family, they bring up in their own way, instill certain principles and hobbies. At the moment when the wedding takes place, this is an already formed individuality.
Now let's go from the other side. Modern girls are brought up in the spirit of independence from other people's opinions, in the spirit of the fact that a man should carry them in his arms and fulfill all the whims. Plus children's fairy tales about a prince on a white horse, always with a weapon and killing a dragon for the sake of his princess.
The inconsistencies are already visible. When a new unit of society is formed, these two individuals need to learn to live together, respect each other and love. Here in this matter of building relationships on one love you will not go far. Life begins - socks are not there, dirty dishes are standing and, of course, the family budget. It's complicated.
A woman brought up on the fact that a man should admire her and be a model of romance has to put up with the harsh reality, that is, a TV and a sofa. A man has to constantly experience female whims, PMS and so on. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Like it or not, the sexual life of spouses plays a huge role in the family microclimate.
When disappointment comes, then the question arises - if the wife is a fool, what to do?
To begin with, understand the origins of this behavior. Every man should understand and accept the fact that women live with emotions. A harmless statement, which you ignore, will grow in the mind of a woman with a lot of theological conclusions. It is a fact.
In addition, nervous breakdowns are possible, which you, men, will seem trifling. But any psychologist, and even more so a neurologist, will answer - you cannot ignore even the slightest manifestation of emotions, because this can be a signal for big problems.
Do not categorically declare to your wife that she is a fool. Just let her know the fact that you are worried about a broken relationship, because of her behavior. And in no case do not be humiliated, women do not like wimps. Don't go for physical measures, tyrants are also out of fashion at any time.
Remember, if things go wrong in a relationship, if there is a quarrel in the family, both are to blame. They are guilty because they do not want to listen to each other, to understand each other, cherishing only their grievances and broken dreams.
Sometimes, in order to save a relationship, you need to live separately for some time, but in such a way that you don’t see each other at all. It may be worth getting into an extraordinary situation when the life of one of the partners is at stake.
But if you understand that nothing will save your relationship, but you save the family for the sake of the child, you don’t have to do this. The baby feels everything and suffers even more than you can imagine. This is a big mistake...
I must say right away that none of the men directly contacted me during consultations with such a question. We addressed similar questions, but indirectly. And more on that below.
Three years ago, I participated in a men's discussion on a men's site. I first talked with the head of this site and found out what the most frequently asked questions are from the lips of men aged 20-30. In third place, most often this question is: “What if the girl / wife is a fool?”
The topic seemed interesting to me for psychological research, and I even published an article in the Sobesednik publishing house. For many adults, this article causes a smile, which cannot be said about the younger generation. They take it all seriously.
I usually give definitions of the most significant terms in order to avoid ambiguity. According to the dictionary of V.I. Dahl, the word "fool" means: a stupid person, stupid, stupid, slow-witted, reckless, foolish, insane, holy fool. As can be seen from the dictionary, these definitions are suitable both for the soul of a person and for his consciousness. It turns out a kind of mix.
Who is more important? Who is smarter? Who is more educated? These questions always worry husband and wife, especially when they are young and begin to share the palm. If a woman is wise and has received life advice from her parents, she will always give this “palm tree” and be a “grey eminence” for her beloved. She will always direct her man in the “right” direction, and he will sincerely believe in his irresistibility, his mind and strength. But I repeat - this is on condition that if a woman is wise and smart!
Case from practice: In the department of urology, I once consulted Sergey (40 years old) with a diagnosis of cystitis. Usually in the middle of the meeting, I ask a question about sexuality. Sergey colorfully told me about his two parallel mistresses. Sergei is married, and when I asked him if his wife knew about his campaigns on the side, he replied that his wife was a complete fool and did not know anything about his pranks. Well, fool and fool, I thought, and continued to analyze his life.
And literally six months later I consulted Irina (39 years old) in the gynecology department with a diagnosis of cyst formation. And my memory pulled out a rather memorable surname from the depths of consciousness. When I asked Irina if her husband was not lying or in our hospital, she confirmed. Naturally, we also approached the questions of Irina's sexual life, and she enthusiastically began to talk about her entertaining lover. To my question “but the husband does not know about the betrayals”, the diagnosis was made: “the husband is a blessed fool-homebody, and he never had thoughts of going left.”
So it turns out that we have one thing (in thoughts), and they have us in another (in life)!
At consultations with psychologists, men often ask the question: "What if the wife is a fool?" An answer question arises: "And why did you decide that it was she who was a fool? How did you get married to a person who behaves inappropriately?" Today we will look at real cases of human stupidity and dispel some myths about spouses, so that if you hang the label “fool” on someone, then it is reasonable.
So, go back in time and remember why you got married? There are several reasons for entering into a deliberately unsuccessful marriage: out of love, out of calculation, out of stupidity. To solve the problem of family relationships, look at how it all began.
The most pleasant reason to get married is love, however, during courtship, partners look at each other with their eyes in and do not pay attention to “cute” pranks and “character traits”. This is true for both men and women.
After several years of living, when children appear and everyday routine, the tail of the fairy tale subsides, and the “cute features” become an unbearable nightmare. That's when the question arises for the first time "what to do if the wife is a fool or the husband is a complete idiot." If in this situation you recognize yourself, then you can only sympathize, because you have to live the rest of your life with this person.
Someone decides to divorce, someone prefers to endure all his life, and someone gets lovers. In any case, your example can serve as a warning to posterity: before starting a serious relationship, think about whether you can put up with your partner’s shortcomings all your life. If such a preliminary analysis does not help, then there is nothing to complain about fate. You made your own choice!
The second reason people get married is pure mathematics:
In this case, the wife can simply “fly off the coils”, because she got married with the hope of love “to the grave”, but it turned out that she was simply chosen, as in the catalog called “The Best of the Worst”. At first, while the memory of the wedding celebration is still fresh, it will be easier for you to create the appearance family life, but then you get tired of pretending, and the wife will begin to feel the catch.
After the truth is revealed that you will not succeed, the woman will begin to assert herself, which means “cutting” you. It is your choice to enter into a marriage of convenience or not, but are you ready for the consequences? The same goes for women! Do not create a family without love, so that later you do not bring your partner to your indifference.
From the list of reasons why people get married for stupidity, you can make a whole hit parade of "The Stupidest Reasons to Get Married." However, the most absurd is when it comes
Due to the fact that the partners were improvident, and now a new person will be born, people decide to marry without love. The divorce rate for such couples is the highest - it exceeds the breakup of families that were created out of love or calculation, and all because it was an "accident" and not a conscious choice.
Because of such negligence, children suffer the most, because they not only grow up in a family where there is no love, but also constantly hear insults against their mother. If it's not too late, re-evaluate the pros and cons of marriage because of an unwanted pregnancy, because this will only give you a stamp in your passport, but will not save you from divorce.
What if the wife is a fool? There is no cure for this or good advice. As they say, do not complain about your wife and car. You chose! And take a closer look at yourself. If God gave you this person as a partner, then maybe you should learn to talk heart to heart with her and find a compromise?
