Everything written below does not claim to be true.
It is motivated by the previous article about the collapse of the family.
The news that someone from relatives and friends is getting divorced is always a shock.
Have you seen at least one couple in which, when parting, the man went to "nowhere"? I personally don't. I haven't seen a single pair like this. There were two options:
1. A woman went nowhere;
2. The man went to another.
There is a fact that I have seen many times in my life - a man very rarely initiates a divorce with the wording "I'm going nowhere." He may not be satisfied with the state of affairs in the family, he will be at home less often, stay at work more often, spend time with friends, go into alcohol. But it won't go anywhere. He will be sorry for the established life, comfort, past relationships. A man as the initiator of a divorce exists in nature in the case when he leaves "somewhere". At the same time, it is not at all a fact that he is going to marry the woman to whom he left his wife.
Why is this happening?
According to medicus.ru
65% of divorced men remarry within the next five years, while they are convinced that the first wife was better;
29% of divorced men try to get married, even turning to marriage agencies;
20% Create a new family or permanent couple only after twenty years;
15% Marry within 5 to 10 years of divorce.
And here is from another article that talks about the "myths" of divorce like a man (not taken out of context):
“A man rarely strives for complete freedom after several years of marriage. They almost never go “to nowhere”, but much more often to a new partner. Another thing is that this does not always work out: either that woman was not ready for such a man’s” victim", either her relationship with the now free man acquired a not too romantic coloring, or the man himself realized that this woman was only a means to decide to leave his wife. But still, when a man decides to divorce, he rarely does it under the influence of emotions. More often this decision is thought out and the rear is prepared." - Yulia Vasilkina writes to us.
Dear men, please answer the question of this entry - are you going anywhere from a woman?
Saved
Все написанное ниже не претендует на истину. Оно мотивировано предыдущей статьей о развале семьи. Новость о том, что кто-то из родных и друзей разводится всегда является шоком. Вы видели хоть одну пару, в которой при расставании мужчина уходил в "никуда"? лично я - нет. Не видела ни одно... !}
"/>The news that the Petrovs are going to get divorced came as a shock to relatives.
Fifteen years of a strong marriage, a teenage daughter, a mortgage that has just been paid off, an established life, prosperity in the family, mutual friends who have become common parents over the years of living together - well, what a divorce! To live and be happy. And then this...
No, well, of course, there were minor quarrels and inconsistencies in the family, but who doesn’t have them? Lyudmila is an electric broom by nature, she always needs to go somewhere, go, get impressions; Grigory, on the contrary, is a goof and an introvert, he would have to sit on the sofa with a book or a computer - and not to be touched. He, unlike his wife, has always been important order and predictability. Because of the difference in temperaments, they sometimes quarreled, but after all, they lived together for a decade and a half, and everything suited both of them. What suddenly happened?
More recently, we went with friends to barbecue - there was no question of any divorce!
The perfect couple. Grigory still, I remember, joked about the second child - Lyudmila only waved it off. The daughter in infancy was, as they say, a difficult child, with a bunch of neurotic disorders, until the age of four she didn’t really sleep at night, she was constantly sick, she ate badly. Young dad Grisha, as far as Lyudmila remembers, was not very eager to help in his upbringing. Lyudmila alone fought with the child and rushed to speech therapists-doctors. The girl became more or less independent and sane only by the third grade, and now it is a pleasure to communicate with her: smart, reasonable, purposeful. Nevertheless, Lyudmila knows for sure that she will not be able to pull out a second such child.
However, Grigory did not seem to insist on this topic, no, no, they laughed with friends at a family party and that's all.
Divorce is clearly not because of this.
To be honest, Lyudmila herself did not fully understand what had happened. The husband suddenly became angry and irritable, and after a while said - it's better for us to live separately. To think, to understand oneself ... "To live separately" Lyudmila categorically refused. What kind of congresses, trips, kindergarten? If you don't like being with a family, leave! Where is the door, you know. And Gregory seemed relieved to agree with this option. He immediately threw his underwear into the suitcase and moved out forever. Not to my mother - she has a sick heart, why bother her. For a couple of days to a friend, and then rented an apartment.
Grishka has someone! - confidently said best friend Lyudmila. Well, no other explanation comes to mind. You will see. The secret will soon be revealed.
- Stop it! I would know! To have Gregory someone??? Can't be!
This really didn't fit in my head. Grigory is a solid man, an exemplary family man, one of those who "everyone in the house." Correct, with a developed sense of duty. And in time everything always converged - home from work, never stopping anywhere. And for the money - no extra spending lately. yea, stupidity
A couple of months later, the official divorce took place. Grigory left, as they say, "like a man", taking only clothes from the house, leaving his wife and daughter everything acquired, including an apartment.
And after a couple of months, mutual friends ... were invited to the wedding.
Gregory and his young colleague, who, according to rumors, was already a little pregnant, were legally married, so it was out of hand to postpone official registration ...
It turns out that the friends who told Lyudmila that men are absolutely inert creatures are right, and they don’t leave the family “for nowhere”?
And, if you were thinking about it, then - cherche la femme?
Do you agree?
I don’t know why I’m writing, I’ve already talked with everyone a hundred times .. I probably want support.
Married for 7 years, I was sure that this was once and for all, my husband is almost perfect, he makes good money, he does everything for us, he loves children (two girls), he is always at home, he doesn’t go out, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t beat. But I began to feel on my own that I got tired of the routine, I don’t work, I sit at home and work part-time and take care of children, I live with my family, him, his problems. I take care of myself, I see my friends whenever possible, we get out to have fun. My husband and I also made it a rule to go somewhere every weekend, but we also like to just hang out at home and watch a movie. But somehow everything is boring, I'm irritated, tired, everything infuriates me. I went to a psychologist and started working on myself. Then summer came, we went to rest, he was with us for two weeks, then he left, I was alone with the children for a week, then his mother came and then we rested with her. One evening I quarreled with him very much, I missed him very much, I was waiting for a call, he did not call. celebrated his birthday with the men from work, I was offended, made a scandal, uttered hurtful words with passion. And that's where it all started. He closed up, stopped calling, chatting, said let me get bored, I want to understand myself, I understand something is going wrong trying to find a way out .. then he came when we couldn’t especially improve relations, and upon arrival home there was a conversation, he said that we need to live separately, that he can no longer live like this, that scandals, jealousy, control got him, that we are different people. perhaps he hopes that time will put everything in its place and he will understand that he will miss him, but for now he wants to be alone, he didn’t even live with his mother, he rented an apartment. I would understand if I went to another, but there is no mistress. He wants to be alone, to do everything himself, to cook, wash, iron ... he sees the children on weekends and during the week, if I need help, he calls his eldest daughter before going to bed .. he wants to communicate with me as usual, as if nothing had happened, he can come smack talk normally, have dinner. But every time everything slips into my persuasion to return, we sort things out, tears, begging .. I probably just cried for a month, I'm sitting on sedatives. He tries to control me, he wants to know all the little things related to children, before somehow he didn’t really go into it, I was constantly offended that I was listening to his problems, and he wasn’t particularly interested in ours .. and here there is such an interest in children, he constantly offers help to sit , well, as my psychologist says, he communicates on his own terms as it is comfortable for him, but at the same time I can’t eat, I cry, I constantly wait for something, I hope. At some point, I realized that there was no more strength, I can’t communicate like this, it hurts me. Decide to set limits. She asked me not to call on trifles, to write if possible, she said I couldn’t see either, so take the children for the weekend, talk then bring them, like this, on a call and if you wish, you don’t need to come anymore. It became easier. After that, he immediately agreed to go to a psychologist, he says suddenly it will help ...
I am writing calmly now, because already cried everything. .I don’t know what to do next .. wait, hope or learn to live on alone ...
Today you are sure that you are doing everything right. I am convinced that people like you do not leave. You have no doubt that he is yours forever, the only one in the world who is able to listen, understand, sympathize, reassure, support, protect. It's today, and tomorrow... he can leave.
Marriage is a long voyage in a cramped cabin. And it's natural that nerves sometimes fail.
Maybe the reason was a banal trifle - finding out who the real Winner of Eurovision 2011 is, or discussing the family budget, but now - the man left. Just don't panic! Could it be that you no longer need it? Maybe you are just not yet able to understand that his departure is yours. Take a breath, think while there is time. But, if there is still something to fight for, then remember that, most likely, you will have a chance to fix everything. Because husbands most often come back.
After his departure, you "tear your hair" and are tormented by questions:
Why did he leave? It is possible and necessary to analyze your life with him, look for the reasons in yourself, in him, in your own ... Such an analysis will not hurt. Sooner or later, life makes everyone look back at the past years, experience the bitter feeling of parting with youth, with love. There is a need to rethink your priorities.
Comment on the article "Husband left. Will he return or not?"
“You won’t enter the same river twice” ... I have a situation, but I want my husband to take into account only with my daughter. All that happened in the past, I can’t be just his wife, I want everything to be honest. Just in the future I can make another man's happiness...
If it doesn’t work out, then let me exhaust happiness in this world, it’s all the same that it’s useless to renew it ... this is not the right person, not mine ...
To live on an animal habit, to have sex without respect, and pity, in principle, I could, but I don’t want to lie to myself.
or return or not: 50% to 50%.
02/19/2011 20:18:00, sympathizerTotal 8 messages .
I'm fine. That is, against the background of how it happens with others, it’s good, but in general it’s bad. Every day someone gets divorced, I'm not original. And the man who initiated the breakup is not God knows what a rarity. And children, even small and very, very cute, cease to interest their fathers - and this is not news, it happens. And when compared with what could be - everything is fine. I have my own apartment, I don’t have to go anywhere and re-create life. In September, I will go to work, where they are waiting for me ...
Do you know cases when a husband, having left the family for Great love, after some time he returned back, begged for forgiveness, swore eternal love, etc., that they still owe there. The main thing is not whether he will return or not. And so that the abandoned wife does not live to wait.
The husband begged to return, promised to change. These attempts - to change - lasted about six months. Then it all started again. Only they were from the groom, these children. My husband left for a woman with 2 children different men who bore him 3 sons.
Last night, after the children returned from the camp, the festive dinner and the departure of the soup, the children said that dad suggested that they go to the cinema on the weekend "four of them, along with his new aunt, because he loves her very much, soon they will live together, and he wants to introduce them to each other" O_O The children refused with the words "the four of us want to go only with you and mom", the soup did not insist ... The children "want to see dad, not dad in company with another aunt", as they told me explained your answer... I...
Good day to all! Teach the mind to reason. I am married (by status), my son is 4 years old. The husband is constantly on business trips, he practically never happens at home, and on top of everything else, he has a "she". She appeared a long time ago, almost three years ago, when my relationship with my husband was on the verge of a divorce. But then he allegedly changed his mind, decided that the family was more important and we began to live together again. Then I did not yet know about her presence, I guessed, but I constantly drove thoughts away from me. And then by chance, while cleaning, I found ... Section: Wife and husband (husband said that he had lost feelings for me and went to another). Return to yourself, start any, seriously, even the most stupid hobby (from shaping to cross-stitching), this will help you forget about what is bad for a while, but only necessarily ...
The husband left. Will he return or not? I want to return ex-husband, help! IMHO, after parting it is impossible to return the former, you can only start over, repeat (slightly with others). In this case, you don’t need to try to return what is no longer there.
