My husband died April 1st. I was 28, he was 33. When they called me and said that everything (after the accident, lived for 2 more days) - I didn’t even believe at first. So it can't be that he doesn't exist. And what about me?
My term was then 28-30 weeks, my son was born on April 4, 1200gr, 40 cm, 2/3 Apgar.
I went all into the child - I had to save him. My bunny spent 8 months in hospitals, was discharged on December 30, 2008 with a weight of 6 kg, a height of 60 cm.
I couldn’t enter our apartment with my husband, I didn’t take any things from there, even photographs. I could not. My husband's brother helped a lot (they were twins, identical, I didn't meet him for three years later - I also couldn't see or hear) - he was selling the apartment and other formalities.
She immediately moved in with her parents. The ring continued to be worn for another 3 years, removed only this year.
I still live with the feeling that my boy has a personal angel who literally drags him through all the troubles by the scruff of his neck. But, since there were already quite a few such troubles in his little life, Angel needs help:
On May 5 of this year, my father died suddenly. 59 years old, an aneurysm no one knew about. A little more - he would have sat behind the wheel and taken mine to the country. Empty road, good speed - hardly anyone would have survived. And so the folder just went out the door and that's it. The first 2 days I was organizing the funeral, it was easier for me than for my mother and son. It covered me on the third day - I came to the garage, I had to disassemble it in the car. Howled there so that the peasants-neighbors came running. I don’t remember how they carried me out of there, I woke up already in a neighbor’s car. The son suffered the hardest of all - he and his grandfather were inseparable. My son and dad are full namesakes - both the surname (she gave her own), and the first name, and the patronymic. So it happened. It was very scary to see the inscription on the tablet near the cross. Now I'm used to it.
I had to be the strongest and pull my mother and son. But the son saved us all - he demanded attention and we had something to occupy our heads.
The pain doesn't go away. It becomes habitual, it can already be endured. after 40 days - a little easier.
It is necessary to cry, there is no need to hide your emotions, focus on the children - THEY ARE WORSE THAN YOU.
What helped me: drugs (valoserdin, novopassitis), alcohol (1 tbsp cognac + a piece of sugar at night), read about the stages of grief and drag everyone through them - do not let them stagnate in any of them, remove all the photos, after 40 days - give things away. Up to 40 days I went to church every day. The day after my father's forties - I took my mother and son to Turkey for two weeks - IT BECAME REALLY EASIER, the change of scenery worked. Constant care for loved ones, weekends away from home (forest, parks, play centers for children, joint board games, picnics, just get in the car and go for a ride)
After my father’s death, there was no one to drive a car - I had a license, but I didn’t drive - I went to study, bought a car, now I’m a family driver.
It so happened that with a difference of several months, the mothers of my girlfriend and friend died. A friend told me one phrase that I remember very well: "It seems that the Lord does not have enough Angels, so he takes good people." I believe it is. 09/25/2012 12:08:11, Waning Moon
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I really want to hope that this is all true, for me the most difficult thing is to come to terms and accept, perhaps just too little time has passed. 40 days will be only in two days. And I also realized that it’s unbearably difficult to communicate with my husband’s friends / friends, after talking with them I fall into a deep depression. I still don’t feel myself and it feels like I’m in some kind of terrible dream, but for some reason I just can’t get out of it. , and then my husband suddenly dies ... For some reason, my grief blocked all those experiences that for half a year were for my mother .. No, I'm very worried about her and just pray, believe and hope, but somehow I switched or something ... Mom continues to struggle, but there are no dramatic improvements, and if there is no positive dynamics, I don’t know how my psyche will cope at all (although, as they say, the Lord does not give us more tests than we can withstand) ... 25.09.2012 13:29:57, Allchenok
A woman who, by the will of fate, has become a widow, experiences a huge emotional shock, her whole world changes its shape.
In such conditions, the answer to the question of how to survive the death of a beloved husband becomes vital and relevant.
The loss of a loved one is always a tragedy, grief and pain, but the death of a beloved husband turns into even greater experiences. The relationship of the spouses is very complex, there is a special, incomparable connection between them, because they share worries, joys, sorrows and good luck for two.
For many years they create a common life, equip their existence, raise children, warm each other at night. And when one day a beloved, most dear person suddenly leaves, the soul of a loving companion falls into the abyss of grief, loneliness and hopelessness. 
Is there a way out of this situation? How can a wife come to terms with the terrible word "widow" and learn to live on? And is it possible?
At first, the shock of the death of a loved one is so strong that it is impossible to calm down. But trying to immediately overcome this state is not worth it, and it will not work, the psyche saves itself with such a stupor.
At this moment, a woman left without support and support after the death of her husband may be tormented by guilt, usually imaginary, thinking about whether she could somehow change the course of things. This is an inevitable step that should not be emphasized.
Many young women who have lost their relatives and loved ones in the prime of life experience anger caused by despair towards others for their well-being, insufficient, according to the widow, grief for the departed. 
If this emotional state does not go away for a long time or is aggravated, it is necessary to consult a psychologist.
Unwilling to accept the inevitable, the heartbroken woman mentally denies what happened, does not allow the thought that this could happen to her. The result of deep experiences can be depression, detachment from life, a state of indifference and apathy.
In the first days after the incident, such experiences are inevitable and partly normal, you have to go through them, but prolonged concentration on them is already dangerous.
Therefore, it is so important to start the next stage - to learn to live without a loved one, to rebuild your world and life.
To lose a loved one means to experience a severe shock, from which it is difficult to recover. This may take years, much depends on the personality of the woman. 
Sometimes you need to rely on this ancient statement and just believe that weeks, months will pass, and the pain will slowly recede, hide in the far corner of the soul and will remind you of yourself with rare influxes of light sadness and nostalgia.
This is necessary for the soul to be tempered in the crucible of loss and become ready for a new life. Such heavy emotions cannot be driven into oneself, and it is simply dangerous to "strengthen", demonstrating one's resilience in the face of trials.
You can only heal by understanding and accepting your pain. Unshed tears and unsuffering grief will become an obstacle on the path to renewal, and can provoke difficult emotional states in the future.
Letting go doesn't mean falling out of loveIt seems to some women that any attempt to cope with grief, to reduce it, is a betrayal of a dead husband. But by doing so, they not only mourn his death, but also end their lives.
Incessant memories of the past, regrets, tears, seclusion, withdrawal into oneself - is this what a person who loves you would want?
Keep the memory of him in your heart, but continue to live and try to enjoy every moment, because in the face of death it takes on a special value.
It is necessary to reconcile and let go of the deceased, it is not for nothing that religions testify that the inconsolability of the living darkens the spirit of the dead.
Support of loved onesChildren, relatives, friends can help to survive the death of a beloved husband. You need to turn to them more often, to be in their company, to take care of them. This will allow you to escape from bitter thoughts and gradually get involved in real life.
Their love will help the wound to heal faster, give the necessary support and warmth.
Many women see salvation in helping those in need. They go to hospitals, shelters or look for people who have also lost loved ones.
By helping others, by sharing difficult moments with them, suffering women learn resilience in facing grief. 
Often the death of a loved one comes suddenly, the wife does not have time to tell him about her feelings, about how much he meant to her, maybe ask for forgiveness for some things or thank him for his love and care. This exacerbates grief and despair.
Psychologists advise you to write a letter to your husband and express in it all the cherished things that there was no time for in daily chores. Having poured out her experiences on paper, a woman will lighten her burden and be able to think about her future life.
Many wives see their main task as caring for their husband, they subordinate their life to his interests, plans and preferences. And in every family, an important part of a woman's life is connected with a man, so when he suddenly disappears, it is difficult for a widow to find something to do and learn to be alone. 
At this point, it is time to live for yourself, to concentrate on your own needs and desires. It is important to be able to build an action plan that will help you get distracted and not feel abandoned.
Setting new goals should be a prerequisite. At first it will be difficult, but if the landmark was chosen correctly, it will soon begin to attract and help to leave tragic events behind.
Psychologists advise to give yourself more time, take care of your appearance, health. Positive visual changes will steadily lead to an improvement in the internal state.
Creativity will help to find a way out of feelings and sensations. Start painting, writing poetry, crafting, taking pictures or cooking. This will allow you to feel the taste of life again, get distracted and gradually return to normal. 
Well, if creativity is connected with communication of interests, this will expand the circle of acquaintances and bring new impressions.
In general, it is worth more contact with the outside world. If at first strangers will strain, you can just wander the streets, sit in a quiet cafe.
The rapid flow of life around will definitely touch some strings, make you think about yourself and the need for changes for the better.
Sometimes it is useful to visit a psychologist, he will not only listen patiently, but also recommend what additional steps need to be taken to speed up the process of rehabilitation and return to normal life.
The death of a beloved husband is a catastrophe that needs to be experienced, comprehended and overcome, bringing together all your vitality and desire.
There are many ways to achieve this goal, most importantly, the woman’s own desire and her understanding that the death of the dearest person is irreversible, you will have to come to terms with this and learn how to fully live with bright memory, gratitude and warmth.
My husband died, what to do, how to realize that he will not be there? His smile, face, gentle hands are still before my eyes. What should I do?
I don’t want to understand that everything will pass with time, it doesn’t pass, I feel bad.
All friends, neighbors and acquaintances say standard words, look away, try to leave as soon as possible.
If it wasn't for work, I'd go crazy. But this is during the day, what should I do with my thoughts in the evenings or at night? Where can you run away from them?
I used to trust him with everything, to tell, to consult. Now what? How to live?
Death is always a surprise and a shock, pain, just an unbearable pain of loss. The more close you were, the worse the loss.
My husband died what to do, how they experience this fact:
The first time after the death of a loved one, a woman experiences shock, falls into a stupor. Nature itself tries to protect the psyche of the body with such reactions.
A woman has a hard time:
Only the questions of the funeral sometimes bring her to the reality of what is happening. The woman acts mechanically, she may not remember these episodes after the time has elapsed. Who was at the funeral, what they said and did, remains a forgotten frame for her.
The first shock replaces the period of emotional outburst. Finally, the realization of the fact of the irretrievable loss of a loved one leads a woman into a state of constant irritation, even anger.
Scenes of former quarrels regularly pop up, guilt begins to gnaw for this.
Nightmares haunt, a woman is afraid to be alone, there comes a fear of the dark.
Various diseases associated with weakened immunity can worsen: asthma, disruption of the heart and blood vessels. Myocardial infarctions are not rare at this time.
After the funeral, everyone goes home - everyone has their own worries. Only a woman who has recently buried her husband still needs support. She will need it for a very long time.
It is at this time that a woman comes to all trials. Try to forget your loved one? Scenes from life will stand before your eyes for more than one year.
How long does grief last? When can a woman expect relief? Medicine says about the terms of 1.5 - 2 years. Perhaps more, it all depends on your attachment to each other.
Slowly, life takes its toll with its cares and worries. A woman begins a period of emotional farewell to the deceased. Memories of a loved one no longer bring unbearable pain. Soul wound not so bleeding, a woman with warmth, relatively calmly talks about the loss.
Whatever you feel, throw it out. I want to cry - cry. Scream - Scream as much as you want. Don't hold back. It really brings relief. Tears of sadness have a calming effect, oddly enough.
You want to retire - retire. But becoming a recluse is dangerous for your psyche. You need a friend or girlfriend in this period of time.
Perhaps they will say things you do not need, interfere with you. Do not be offended, in such cases of irreparable grief, no one knows what to do, how to behave. Talk to them openly, throw out all the pain from the soul.
If you want to go to church, go. The whole atmosphere of the memorial service contributes to the relief of the state of mind.
You can’t stay at home, go to work, to people, no matter how hard it may seem. destroys people. When the working day ends, you can listen to your favorite music of the departed husband, watch his favorite films. You will feel better. Seek help from friends if it is unbearable to be alone.
Husband died, back to life:
If you really want to talk about the deceased, do not hesitate to speak. With whom? Friends, team at work, neighbors. Tell what kind of person he was, don't keep it to yourself.
With strong feelings and deviations in mental health, you will need the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist. Ask for help always, there is nothing abnormal here. You will feel better.
To understand a woman whose husband has died, and to advise what to do, a person can be closely familiar with this. I am very condolences to you and - "Let the earth rest in peace to him."
Watch this video to help you get over the death of a loved one:
Julia
True love is when you can let go for the sake of his happiness. Husband died. I am 26 years old, he was 27. But I do not cry, I hold on so that his soul is easy. This verse was born. Maybe it will help someone, I don't know. I believe that my love and prayers help him there. I know that I will always be with him. But everything is the will of God.
Your lips, your arms, your shoulders...
I won't forget - I can't and I don't want to
I'll be looking forward to meeting you
I'll follow you like the wind.
I let you go, don't be afraid
I can, I can endure
Believe in me and calm down
I pray for you Jesus.
Without you, of course, it is very difficult.
I can't find a better friend than you.
I hope my feelings, however,
Do not interfere with your path.
I believe in God and His decision,
I bow to this fate
I know we'll meet you, no doubt
My dearest man!
They say that when you lose, only then you begin to appreciate. It's all wrong with me. I always knew that Kolya was the most best friend all over the earth. We started dating, I just finished school, met for a long time - 7 years, and then got married. By the time we got married (I was 24 and he was 25), we already knew each other from A to Z. We had been through a lot together. We already had mutual friends. I knew his family well, he knew mine well. He was perceived by my relatives as their own, as a native. I knew what he would think in any situation, not just what he would say. I can talk about him for a long time, but probably for everyone who has lost a loved one, this person is the best. But still I will say that he was tall, handsome, with a sense of humor, open, did not like people who did not say something, loved and wanted children, always came to the aid of everyone, was a great romantic. I will never forget how he could suddenly give a huge bouquet of tulips or daisies. I know that Kolya loved me very much. I think there are people who think that he cheated on me or something like that. Because he was very handsome and never climbed into his pocket for a word. He had a charm that many liked. But I know that there can be no talk of any betrayal. It is a pity that God takes away such sincere, real people who are in modern world great rarity. Kolya lived for me, since childhood he lacked affection and care. His mother died when he was 13. For him, I was his family and meant a lot, as he did for me. Our two years of marriage were the happiest for both of us.
When he died 3 months ago (suddenly, from a heart attack at the age of 27!!!) the first thing I thought about was how he is now. I think he was also shocked that he died. He didn't expect this. We had big plans. We wanted children and so on. Nobody can believe that he had a weak heart, he was always strong.
Taking care of him saves me from despair. I believe that there is a soul, and that he did not die, but passed into another state, which I will know about someday. But if his soul is near, at least in the first days after death, then he would be very sad if it were very hard for me. Knowing how much he loved me, I'm sure he is going through now, how I am without him. Therefore, in order not to torment his soul, I try not to cry and constantly pray for him. I always thought that most often a person cries out of self-pity, although he is not always aware of it. When loved ones die, we often cry because we won’t see them again, won’t talk to them, won’t walk this planet together. But in fact, they feel good there, especially if the person was good, and if we pray for him. And it’s not worth keeping your loved one with your sorrows, to whom you wish well. After all, he also worries about you.
When I come to Kolya's grave, I talk to him. Maybe he can't hear me though, I don't know. But I tell him not to worry about me, that everything will be fine with me, that I love him and pray for him.
Many people, seeing my behavior and calm attitude to what happened, think that I'm just in a state of shock and that I'm not behaving adequately. Nothing like this. I am in good condition. I just don't think about myself, but about him. That's all.
They often say to me: “Nothing, you will still be happy.” This is of course very annoying, because I understand how people represent happiness and what they mean. But the thing is different: how I imagine my happiness. Maybe I'm not unhappy at all. I am grateful to God that Kolya was in my life, that I learned what a real true love when you want to take care of another person and take all his worries on yourself. After all, there are people who live up to 100 years and never know what love is. Better to love and lose than never love.
I know that everything is God's will. After all, God initially knew that Kolya was destined to die at the age of 27. And for some reason He gave Kolya to me. I am grateful to God for this. Also, I think that it was not without reason that God gave me to Kolya. Maybe there is no one else for me to pray for him. All people on earth are sinners, and Kolya too. So I pray that God will forgive him and help him there. I hope I can help my loved one, and when I die (maybe in 100 years, maybe tomorrow, I don't know) I would like to be there next to him.
It’s difficult to advise others when you yourself are only experiencing it (after all, only three months have passed) and you live with the feeling that you are in a movie, that this is just a role, that the movie will end and everything will fall into place. I think the most important thing is not to grumble or blame someone, this will only make the person you have lost worse. Think more about him than about yourself, think about how you can help his or her soul. The Church teaches that alms help the dead a lot. But this almsgiving must be given with a pure, sincere heart.
I'm sure God takes people to himself for a reason. There is a higher plan for this, which we people cannot understand. There is a story in the Bible that when Jesus was walking by a cripple, Jesus told his disciples that if this man had walked, he would have done a lot of evil. I brought this example to prove that we do not know much of what God knows. Maybe if my husband were alive, he would have to go through some kind of misfortune. And only by death did God save him from it.
My mother says that if there was an opportunity, she would change places with Kolya. And I think that I would not change with him, because I know how hard it would be for him to lose me.
Of course, it is very difficult to console a person who does not believe in God. I am saved by the belief that life goes on there, only on a completely different level, which does not fit in our understanding. Being strong is very difficult. I am sure that I am very weak, and in fact God helps me. And all the thoughts that I wrote here were also given to me by God. Without Him I would not have been able to do this.
I think it is not uncommon for a person to come to God only after the death of a loved one. Don't bring it up. Go to God because He wants to save you. And loves you despite your flaws.
How to continue to live? I hear this question often. He annoys me. Why make me think about it? I don't know what will happen tomorrow, how can I plan something 20 years ahead. Due to the fact that Kolya and I forgot about the meaning of life, we lost many wonderful moments. For example, it was possible to go to the forest for mushrooms, or just to nature, to enjoy the tranquility. No, we devoted most of our time to work, in the hope of achieving great success and earning more money and prestige, so that we could finally start living a normal life, having children, and so on. It turns out that this is impossible, because tomorrow you can suddenly die. We need to live now and not think about the future.
Now I find joy in communicating with my friends, who are all very good, I support my parents, I have nephews with whom I love to play, there are unfinished business for Kolya, there is a job that I love. Now I try to find something unusual, important in every moment of my life, I catch every moment. Even now I am writing a letter for the forum - also a certain moment of my life, which may not have been in vain, and my thoughts will help someone.
I wish everyone who has lost a loved one peace of mind, and the confidence that you can still help him. Do not forget that there are people who also love you and care about you. Continue to live, learn to live in this world without the one you have lost. Do not think that he or she has disappeared into nowhere. They're out there somewhere and they can see us. Let's not hurt them with our suffering.
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Grief is a natural process and takes time. Over time, you will figure things out and be able to live without him, but the emotions associated with his death must be lived to the end without hindering them, even if they interfere with daily activities.
Widow's grief is considered the most difficult and usually lasts at least two years, especially if the husband's death was unexpected and if the marriage lasted a long time.
It is important to understand that grief is normal and pathological. The second develops if obstacles are placed in the way of emotions associated with grief, for example, if a person is in a hurry to stop crying, "pull himself together", start a new relationship, etc.
It is often premature to stop grieving after the death of a husband, friends and relatives advise. Few people know about the nature of grief, even those who have experienced it themselves, so it often seems to people that experiencing the death of a husband for half a year is too long.
Do not listen to such advice. Widow's grief normally lasts a long time, and if you suppress these experiences in yourself, then they can last for many years, that is, in certain circumstances - when someone's death is mentioned, when watching a sad movie, when parting with another man - you can experience very strong emotions, too strong, because they will be the remnants of unexperienced grief.
Most often, understanding the stages of grief is a little reassuring, with this knowledge you will understand that everything is fine with you, you are not going crazy, you are not “pitying yourself”, but are experiencing a normal, natural process.
About how to live on, now think only in a purely practical way, using the help of friends and relatives, if they offer it, and solving pressing problems, if you have the strength to do so. What will happen to your life in general, it is worth considering in a year or two, when the experience of grief will be close to completion.
1. Temporarily entrust as many things as possible to friends and relatives (but not children, as they themselves are experiencing severe grief).
2. If organizing a funeral distracts you, take part in it. If you feel like you just want to lie facing the wall, ask for help in organizing a funeral and wake from one of your relatives.
3. Do not send children away from home, as it is important for them to share what happened with other family members. Talk to them as soon as possible about the fact that dad died after telling them the truth. The longer the truth is hidden from children, the more anxiety they experience and the more behavioral problems you will have to face in the future. Take the children to the funeral, after talking with them about what they will see there.
4. If possible, take a leave of absence from work, postpone the resolution of serious issues, if they can be postponed, use help in caring for children.
5. If you have no desire to communicate, follow him, but if you feel like talking about your husband and how he died, meet friends and talk to them: putting experiences into words makes them easier to experience.
6. Be prepared for the fact that you will experience not only grief and despair, but also other feelings, such as guilt and anger at your husband for leaving you, or for some of his previous mistakes. It is difficult to talk about such things with friends, since in our society it is customary to speak only well of the deceased, but the full experience of feelings of anger and guilt is very important in order to process grief normally, so if you feel that you cannot talk to anyone about such things, consult a psychologist.
7. In the first days after the death of a loved one, there is a desire to collect all his things so that nothing reminds him that he died. It's best to start packing when you're sure you're ready. Keeping things intact a year or two after death is a sign of pathological grief and unresolved relationships with the deceased.
8. Looking for the deceased with your eyes in a crowd of people or thinking that you just saw him is normal, just like seeing the ghost of the deceased. To think that in fact the husband is away, or to drive away any thoughts about what happened, is a sign of pathological grief.
9. Read books about grief or articles about the stages of grief to help you feel more confident.
10. If you experienced the death of a parent as a child, or if you lost another loved one shortly before the death of your husband, you most likely need specialist help, as children rarely fully survive the death of their mother or father without special help and the subsequent loss of a loved one. in adulthood it is unbearable for such people. Experiencing multiple losses is much more difficult, since the experience of the previous loss, as a rule, has not yet ended.
