You recently broke up with a man, and then after a very short period of time, you suddenly accidentally met him with another. If such an unpleasant situation happened in your life, this is not a reason to become depressed.
Parting with a loved one and ending a romance is not the most pleasant event in life. Especially if the initiative did not come from you. Usually, after parting, both a man and a woman experience negative emotions. It can be sadness, anger, resentment, regrets, as well as the hope that it can still be returned. But suddenly you are walking down the street and by chance you see your ex-man in the company of a charming stranger who walks with him holding hands and laughs with might and main at his jokes.
Seeing an ex with another is still a pleasure. The meeting, of course, is not pleasant. Surely, thoughts immediately appear that he has already forgotten you so easily, that he has a lot of opportunities to arrange his personal life (and you don’t), that now you can forget about resuming relations, and so on. We hasten to reassure you - not everything is so bleak. That is, of course, this situation is not from the category of a “celebration of life”, but nevertheless, one can find benefit in it.
Firstly, when meeting with the former and his new charming girlfriend, we advise you not to show your negative emotions. Even if you are very sad and hurt inside, try not to show it. This will lead nowhere, except that he will feel a sense of pity or embarrassment. Ignoring their presence and pretending you didn't notice them while crossing the street at the same time isn't the best option either. The most optimal behavior in this situation is to continue on your way, while when you approach him, smile no less charmingly and say “Hello!”. That, in fact, is all. Let him wonder why you are smiling and where (and maybe to whom ?!) you are heading now.
Secondly, do not attach too much importance to this situation. How do you know what their relationship is? Maybe it was his first relevant joke during the second hour of their walk? Or maybe this girl is just very frivolous, and laughs at everything in a row .... Perhaps they will part in a month (although no one guarantees this, you can’t argue here). So you don’t need to immediately wind yourself up and think that the former loves another, they are very good together and there is already a wedding on the nose. This may be very far from reality.
After parting, it always seems to us that while we are now experiencing, the former partner is in some completely different and certainly happy reality. That after parting, he immediately developed personal relationships, and his career went uphill, and he went to the seas to relax, while you spend paper handkerchiefs on your tears. This is wrong. Of course, he can go to the seas, but he lives in exactly the same reality as you, and a little later you yourself will understand this. In the very reality in which nothing comes together by itself or by magic.
Third, there is no need to deny the possibility of personal happiness just for oneself. Most often, after you met the former with another, thoughts begin to overcome that he arranged his personal happiness, but you didn’t, and it’s not known when you will arrange it. On the one hand, this is true - we never know when and how we will meet our soul mate. On the other hand, one can hardly doubt that Fate will still give you a chance for happiness in your personal life. At the same time, your main task may be self-improvement. This is a very exciting process! And besides, you will find a pleasant result in the form of raised self-esteem and the return of a good mood.
So, until you have the partner you dream of, direct your energy not to regret that the former has another woman, but to become a more perfect version of yourself - both externally and internally. Change your style of clothing - for example, if you used to prefer mostly jeans or comfortable casual, now choose outfits exclusively in. Wear skirts, romantic dresses, long sundresses, high heels, small handbags. Buy yourself those perfumes that you have long dreamed of. Change your hairstyle, style your hair, curl your curls or vice versa, straighten your hair to a mirror shine. Moreover, these changes in appearance should not be for one day, but at least for the next few months!
Another tip - if you want to cheer yourself up, dress brightly. Even if there is only one spectacular thing in your image, for example, a red handbag, this will already add zest to your image and improve your mood. It is very important to feel yourself in a new way, to understand that you can be a little different than before. There are many advantages to this - you get rid of thoughts about the former and focus on yourself, improve your appearance, cheer yourself up, create daily positive changes in your life.
Also think about internal changes. Think about this situation not from the inside (being in it), but as if from above, from the outside. Try to imagine your thoughts about it in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years. What emotions will this situation - seeing the ex with another - cause you in the future? Will you remember this in 5 years, or will you even forget that you once met him?
Fourth, remember that many couples break up for a while (several months, six months or a year), and then they still connect and create new serious relationships. This is what really happens. The fact that a man now has another does not mean that in the future you will not be able to get along. If you would like to renew the relationship, then for some time you will probably hope that he will come to his senses and return to you. The advice is - remember this, but do not dwell on it. At the moment, you are not together, which means that you need to continue to arrange your personal life, and without regard to whether the former will return. Perhaps right now you have every chance to meet your real one? Therefore, if you meet an interesting and nice person, do not refuse dates. But, of course, if you are ready for this, because after parting, some time must pass for interest in romantic meetings to reappear. Therefore, it is best to focus on your own feelings.
Fifth, everything should be treated philosophically. Think about what may, in fact, the former was not the same soulmate that you dreamed about. And that is why life has separated you in different directions and the former has a different woman now. It's just that maybe you don't understand it now, but later it would become obvious. Maybe life is preparing a huge surprise for you in the form of that very cherished meeting, but you still can’t let go of this situation? ... “I will look for another” is one of the surest lines of your behavior. Direct your energy towards creating something new, not sadness about the past and waiting for its return. Plus, remember that if he is really your soulmate, he will still come back to you. But there is no need to wait for it. Just move on, meet friends, go on dates, and if you meet a new good person, it will be great.
As they say, everything passes, and in a few years you most likely won’t remember what you were sad about today. Surely in a year or two you will remember this meeting with your ex just as a random episode. Remember the good saying - "life never closes one door without opening another"! Let go of all resentment against the former, wish happiness to both him and yourself, live on with a light heart and joy. Improve yourself and your life, and you will be fine!
What to do and how to behave if you find out what? Jealousy is a feeling that flares up instantly and does not give rest. But if you go on about jealousy and sob, despair and reproach your husband for treason, the situation is unlikely to change for the better. And, rather, on the contrary, everything will only get worse, the situation will escalate, and the husband’s stay at home will become unbearable. Then he will seek salvation, consolation on the side. But in no case do not forget about the children in this difficult moment for everyone. Sooner or later, you will figure out your existing relationships, and the child in the role of a witness to quarrels will be the hardest. It will be difficult for the kid to understand why the kind and familiar family world has been shaken, which can subsequently be a psychological trauma. Remember the phrase - give birth to a child, become happy!Try to listen to the advice given by psychologists, they have more than once had to help women in a situation where a husband found another, maintain composure, and save family relationships. Now it is important to draw the right conclusions and, if possible, correct everything.
Remember that men are even more fickle than we are women. and very often interest in other women is due to the effect of novelty, the need to prove to oneself that he a real man capable of conquering any. And this is normal for men at any age, such interest is natural. Do not hope that by sealing the family union with marriage, you will keep his attention exclusively on yourself. Everyone loves freedom, the opportunity to do things their own way, to show their self, especially men tend to do this to a greater extent. Everyone, including you, likes it when other men pay attention to you, and you don’t think that this is cheating on your husband, but allow yourself to flirt a little, if possible, while not losing your head.
Remember that many wives are cheated on by their husbands if the opportunity presents itself.. Recently, adultery has become a very common phenomenon, and the most common excuse they have is "it happened, it happened, it happened." In other words, he was not at all determined to cheat on you, but simply the opportunity presented itself. This, of course, is not an excuse for them, this is just an explanation of the frequent causes of betrayal and a statement of facts. Maybe this will help you take it a little more calmly, because your husband is no exception, but a normal, healthy man. The situation when the husband found another turns into a drama, if you yourself create a dramatic situation, try to calmly assess the situation, this, first of all, will make it easier for you.
Try to soberly analyze what caused this situation.. Family betrayals are the result of missing harmony, harmony in sexual, psychological relations. And here, as unpleasant as it is to hear, you are mostly to blame. Somewhere, you probably did not give your husband attention, warmth, sincerity, interest in his problems, or you were cold in sexual relations, and therefore, now you are burning up and suffering from jealousy.
Look for the positive in everything, even if the mistress is much younger than you. Rarely between couples with a big age difference is disinterested love, more often it has mercantile interests. When the spouse understands this, he will return to where he is sincerely loved. And if the mistress is older than you, you can also find pluses here. Why is she more attractive than you? Yes, your husband found another, but this is not a reason to give up. Better think about how to resolve the conflict in the family. Take care of your appearance, it will divert your attention from jealousy, draw the attention of your husband, and just come in handy in the future. If the reasons for cheating are in sexual relations, then feel free to discard all your complexes, look through erotic literature, watch erotic films and boldly put it into practice. The main thing is to be calm, confident and no scandals.
Make it hard for a rival to keep your husband, and not to you, and if she didn’t build such plans, then it’s great when their passion subsides, the relationship exhausts itself, everything will return to its place. Turn the situation around, do everything to make it pleasant and comfortable for your husband to be at home, and sooner or later his mistress torments him with demands for a divorce. Let her quarrel with him and waste her nerves. Your husband will definitely appreciate your feminine wisdom, patience and nobility, if he is not an idiot at all. Then do you need it?
Don't give an ultimatum As a rule, men, having taken a mistress, do not at all plan to divorce their wife and immediately marry again. Most likely, this is a search for something new, entertainment. Do not force him to make a choice, do not provoke him to leave.
If it's really hard, then cry, shout, scold him, tear his photos and things, boldly throw out your emotions, with only one condition - no one should see this, neither the children, nor the husband. Do not bring yourself to depression, keeping the pain in yourself, let your emotions come out and you will feel how it will become easier for you.
Try not to share stories and discussions treason with mom. Imagine how she will feel when she learns that her beloved daughter is suffering so much. Or friends, they are unlikely to sincerely sympathize with a deceived wife, but they will always be happy to discuss and gossip, do not give them such a reason. Behave with dignity and do not show anything in public.
No matter what happens, or it's just your suspicions, everything will return to normal or betrayal will lead to a final break, in any case - this is a sign to take care of yourself, become more interesting, attractive, sexier, and our women's online magazine will help you with this. We believe that everything will work out for you and you will find the strength in yourself to get out of this situation with your head held high!
Hello!
One of the main reasons why a relationship breaks up is the emergence of a new
"love". Most often I hear such phrases
« Husband found himself another what to do?!».
Firstly, the question immediately arises: “why did the husband look for another ???”. If the husband really loves his wife, and he likes everything about her, then why look for someone else?
That's exactly what is unnecessary!
So it can be concluded what is the real reason why happened a break up
not at all that husband found another. And that something prompted him to look for another.
Let's figure it out.
We are actually missing one huge factor that influences our relationship. These are changes. There is nothing permanent in our world, everything flows, everything changes. This factor can be very beneficial for a relationship between a man and a woman, if used correctly.
However, more often than not, we do not give enough attention not to be subject to change. Yes, there is some contradiction here. We often rush from one extreme to another, instead of catching a balance between two opposites.
How change harms the relationship between a man and a woman.
At the beginning of a relationship husband and wife have a certain set of qualities (appearance, behavior, position, manner of communication, etc.). And each of you fell in love with the other precisely for a set of certain qualities. I call them "chips".
That is, he loved you for a set of certain 10-15 "chips" (the number is just an example, in fact it is impossible to determine how many chips he liked in you). You also liked 10-15 chips in your husband.
When you start to line up relationships, change is inevitable. We used to meet in a cafe, but now more and more often at his house. We used to go to visit friends, now more and more often spend time at home in business and worries.
So little by little change your chips. Over time, you lose 8 chips from those for which your husband loved you. He also loses, say, 5 chips.
At this stage of the relationship show a loss of interest in each other. Although you understand that your beloved person is in front of you, you still catch yourself thinking that something is no longer right. Here criticism and quarrels over household trifles begin to appear. And so change continues to happen.
So the more "chips" you lose, topics less husband will love you. After all, he fell in love with the image of a girl with a set of certain "chips". And now in front of him is a completely different girl with a different set of "chips".
The solution is to look elsewhere.
This is where it appears on the SUBCONSCIOUS level, the desire to find that girl (or man) in which there are all 10-15 chips. A person does not realize this, he only feels attracted to another person when he finds more “chips” in him than there are in you.
Conclusion: only controlled changes bring good.
It is clear that, one way or another, changes will take place. But you need to be able to control them. That is, independently choose what will be subject to change and what will not. For example, if your
husband loves that you are fond of music, then this "chip" cannot be changed.
In a word, you need to strike a balance in the changes and then your husband will NOT have a desire to find another woman.
I talk about this in the book "How to get your loved one back using simple SMS" with the chapter "Step #2. Find the real reason for the breakup and return your own identity.
Today we have analyzed one of the main reasons what causes relationship breakups, now you can analyze your relationship by completing a simple task from the book.
I wish you a great mood!
Anna from Bologna, 35, admits: “Since Mario started a new romance, I console myself with the fact that it will not last long. I dumped him after two years of trying to be together, and now I suddenly feel liquidated. I am under the pressure of being a single mother, I have an uncertain future, and it is very difficult for me to believe in a new love.
Elisabeth, 29, a lawyer from Naples, can't stand her ex's perfect idyll even though she literally just slammed the door in his face. “I keep scratching my head endlessly, I’m worried ... And now he’s all happy, and with him is a super-sweet girl, a natural blonde (I’m a brunette), who settled at his house three weeks after I moved out” . There are many such stories.
Is it possible to imagine an indifferent Cecilia Martin, while Nicolas Sarkozy was already thinking about the next marriage just two months after a seemingly painful divorce for him? Of course not, someone who has had a similar experience will answer ...
So the child puts his doll aside, but he cannot bear it if someone else takes it to play.
“It is difficult for men to be alone, both biologically and emotionally,” explains Lucia Chiarioni, a psychologist and psychotherapist from Milan. - They experience replacement as a social necessity, and they need a girl who would be there to carry around with them everywhere and, as it were, flaunt. Often men are content with the very state of the search or a completely superficial relationship. They immediately try to find another for themselves in order to make sure that they are still able to love and be loved.
But women prepare for a break for a long time and give themselves time. They will not start a new relationship until they understand what exactly led to the failure of the previous ones. They need to heal their wounds. And, on top of everything else, they do not survive almost instantaneous comparison with another woman.
“I wanted Sandro to stop suffering because of me, but when he introduced me to his new girlfriend Leah (rather plain and lacking in charm), I felt devalued. Did he really fall in love with that gray mouse after me? laments 39-year-old Beatrice, an architect from Florence. “Then I really mean nothing to him.”
He told her, "It's all over." She begged him to come back. Then, some time later, she meets another and falls in love.
"It doesn't happen often," says Marcello Bruognolo. - Women are cautious about starting new relationships, but it is easier for younger people to leave the breakup behind. But the replaced man can even react aggressively.” “He can show both jealousy and resentment,” Lucia Chiarioni explains, “he can be cruel to children, commit major and minor economic repressions, limit personal freedom, refuse the idea that he has been “archived.”
“There are men who adhere to the psychology of the harem,” Bruognolo reflects. “Even if he left the woman, he still wants her to be attached to him, he has a childish claim to be loved, noticed, looked after, especially if this relationship was important to him.” The confrontation can get serious. If the suffering is great, it is better to turn to a specialist: it is very difficult to overcome this stream of feelings on your own.
Most often, women at the end of each love story are very depressed, even if they themselves insisted on breaking up. “We like to feel irreplaceable,” notes Chiarioni, “to imagine that we left an indelible mark on his life. If he swore in love and said that he could not live without you, we will not be able to appreciate and understand the speed with which he will try to console himself.
By showing interest in another woman, a man becomes desirable again. “However, attention is not love,” explains Marcello Bruognolo, a psychotherapist from Milan, “it is an infantile feeling of omnipotence that brings to the surface the idea of \u200b\u200bpossessing another person (it must be said, erroneous).
How many times do we say: “you are mine”, “I am yours”, and so on? A discarded item regains interest if someone else wants it. So the child puts his doll aside, but he will not be able to bear it if someone else takes it to play. During a breakup, childish selfishness comes out and the man, being weaker, needs immediate satisfaction.
Former or former, by the way, often doubt the choice made. “I could no longer understand if I was right in divorcing Enzo,” says Alda, 32, a director from Lucca. - I put myself in the place of his new bride and asked myself: what was there in him that I did not notice? Maybe I was wrong? .. ”Doubt is part of the gap, and it is present both before the final decision and after.
“One person leaves another when he begins to experience more negative emotions than positive ones,” says Sergio Marsicano, a psychoanalyst from Milan, “however, abandoning an ex does not mean completely parting with him. First there is grief to deal with, some kind of emotional clash to take first on yourself and then on someone else. Otherwise, the process is blocked. A loved one has been abandoned, but a certain unconscious part of himself remains attached to him.
“I only thought about Max,” recalls Lisa, 43, a jeweler from Bari. - Moreover, his new life filled with love seemed to capture, flood me. And at the same time, it was as if he did not exist for me. And this after what was the struggle to leave him. I was pathetic." The situation becomes worse if the former begins to reveally take revenge.
Everyone noticed that both Cecilia Marten and Carla Bruni wore the same engagement ring, a rolling proof of interchangeability. “What is so unique that a couple creates and observes? asks Bruognolo. - Common values - of course, but first of all rituals: gifts, places where they went together, affectionate nicknames.
If a man changes a woman, but retains the rituals, then not only does he lack imagination, he demonstrates that he perceives a woman as an object. It hurts like ex girlfriend, as well as a new one.
“It's the desire to hurt a runaway girl through circumstantial evidence that she's still important,” the expert says. - A divorce can be considered good if a psychological break has already occurred and both partners are ready for a new relationship. If not, then it's just another step. The love that united two people gives rise to hatred, rivalry, anger.
How to get out of this situation? Start from a simple consideration: destroying another person requires too much energy. It is better to turn it to your own advantage to create a new balance.
1. Avoid meeting him new girl not to despise either her or himself. It takes a little time alone to regain self-respect.
2. You have to face the pain. Do not deny it by plunging headlong into work or getting bogged down in casual relationships: we are too fragile for this. It's better to accept this pain.
3. Discover the joy of independence, give yourself such freedom that loneliness allows, for example - a rhythm of life that is convenient for you, focused only on your needs, a couple of whims ... This is the path to recovery, it serves to evaluate your own and his behavior , the mistakes made and what we need now.
4. Gradually take your own life back into your own hands so that at some point start a new relationship, not like a wounded fighter, but like a woman born again.
Every woman in her heart knows the answer to this question. But they still want to read about it again.
When future husband fell in love with you, most likely it was a bright period in your life. Your relationship developed on an incredible upsurge and intensity of emotions. There were beautiful deeds, courtship, beautiful words. It seemed to you that you could never get enough of each other, but... The period of falling in love is not eternal, and sooner or later saturation with emotions comes.
The honeymoon passes. For someone it lasts for several months, for someone it lasts for 1 or 1.5 years, and the man enters his usual harbor. His obsession with love is waning, the fire of his desire is dying out. His feelings calm down and sink to the usual bottom, where, in fact, they live. He ceases to burn and give the woman the attention that was at the beginning. He is immersed in work or something else. He needs to be alone more and more often so that he is not touched.
A woman regards this as the disappearance of love for her, but this is not so. Just a man returns to his usual state. He is covered with his usual male shell. A woman, meeting such behavior, begins to feel lonely and unloved.
Intimate conversations, romantic weekends disappear. A man prefers to spend most of his time in peace and solitude or go about his business. A woman is not ready to meet such a man. His behavior tells her about the loss of interest in her, his indifference. A woman is offended by meeting such behavior. Due to her emotional nature and feminine sensitivity, she finds it difficult to withstand emotional withdrawal and coldness. Someone puffs up in silence, someone tries to scream, reproaches and scandals to point out to a man his wrong attitude and behavior. Someone closes emotionally, filling the void with something else.
Closing and offended, the woman pushes the man out of her space. And he starts to feel unwanted. He sincerely does not see and does not understand the reason for such an attitude towards himself. In fact, he feels the same as a woman.
This also happens because most people are afraid of love. When a relationship begins, a woman needs time to become attached to a man, to trust him and trust him.
At the beginning of a relationship, she prefers to be at a safe distance for herself. A man feels this and is drawn to a woman. She is safe for him.
As the relationship develops, a woman becomes attached to a man, falls into a painful dependence on him. She needs a lot of attention and love, she becomes sensitive to his feelings for her. This attitude creates tension, and the man begins to feel threatened and an encroachment on his personal space. Protecting his territory, he closes himself from his feelings. At the same time, offending and repelling a woman, without noticing it.
I will give you an excerpt from a letter from one of my readers, which describes in great detail everything that begins to happen in many families:
“We lived together for 5 years, I was sure that he loved me very much, and now it seems to me that he no longer needs me. Relationships ceased to bring joy, tenderness and warmth left. I don't feel a soul connection.
He began to behave very strangely. I feel that I no longer occupy the place in his life that was at the beginning of our relationship. I feel like I don't need him anymore. He seemed to have found a replacement for me, although I know he does not change me. But I stopped worrying him as a woman. He has less and less desire for intimacy. He began to allow himself such things that were not allowed before between us.
I tried to talk to him, to explain that he had changed, that I lacked love and attention. In response, only silence. I can't get through to him.
We have become different. We stopped understanding each other. I feel that every day we are moving away from each other.
It frustrates me, but the more I try, the worse it gets.
Is this really how love goes? When his love became important to me, it seems that she ceased to interest my husband.
We are very distant from each other. It seems to me that we have become completely different. Sometimes doubts creep in that he has found another woman. But all evenings and weekends he is at home.
Everyone began to live their own lives. He is not interested in my life, and I try not to interfere with him.
I understand that he is not the worst husband. But does it really happen in all families - people become strangers and everyone has their own life? Only sometimes we spend time together.
I don't feel his presence in my life at all. Is it worth continuing the relationship?
Tragedy family life often begins when a woman or a man is not ready to accept this distance between themselves, which has appeared. Distance is frightening and is a signal of dislike. “Well, if you don’t love me, then I won’t need you either. You deceived me, did not live up to my expectations, and then it was worth starting to be together.
One resentment builds up on another, and all this leads to the fact that the woman blames the man for everything, to the point that he ruined her life. Her resentment grows, she becomes more and more angry with her husband, and he becomes more and more withdrawn into himself. There comes a time when two very close people become strangers. They don't understand each other at all. They expect changes in behavior and attitude from each other. A woman gets tired of inattention to herself and begins to wonder if she needs such a relationship. During such periods, the husband may have another woman.
Most people can't stand the loneliness and the feeling of being useless. Running away from these sensations, everyone is trying to find their own haven, where they can soak up the rays of re-emerging love and flirting. That's why another woman or another appears.
The most difficult thing in a relationship is to endure cooling in love, to calmly and patiently wait out such periods. Family is more than love and intimacy. Many seek to create a family, only thinking about love. The family, in addition to love, rests on mutual obligations towards each other and on many other components.
Experiencing resentment and pain, without understanding, you begin to destroy relationships. You are trying to get what you want from a man. And if you don't get it, you push him away in anger. Here, in fact, your life lesson begins - to learn to live, not to expect and not depend on the love and attention of a man. And don't lose respect for him.
Disappointed in a man, you begin to devalue him. Confident in your uselessness to him, you begin to doubt his need for you. And often you think that you could meet a more worthy one. A man feels it all, even if you do not tell him about it. This leads to the fact that he feels unnecessary to you. A woman who gives him opposite feelings becomes dear and close to him.
I do not want to justify men and say that you are to blame. The search for pleasures and pleasures speaks of spiritual immaturity. Your man is also in dire need of love, just like you. It would seem that it is easier than to give each other what everyone needs. But in your relationship, neither the man nor you are able to start giving. Resentment and accumulated irritation leave no room for this. It is much easier and easier to find another or another who will create the illusion of love.
To prevent this from happening, you need to engage in your spiritual development and solve your problem of lack of love and attention at a deep level. No man can make up for the lack of love that you experience. No one will give you what you lack. Only you, working on yourself, will be able to heal the affected early structures in your childhood. Do not shift this responsibility to a man. He is the same injured and unloved child, just like you. How can two such people help each other?
In any relationship, you are getting closer to your unconscious. As the relationship develops and intimacy grows, your childhood needs and desires begin to turn on. A woman begins to become attached to a man and wait, and sometimes demand love and attention.
Here she can switch. From your requirements and desire to receive to the acceptance and realization that it is not always possible to get what you want. Experiencing all your painful feelings, through disappointment and giving up hope, opens up the opportunity to go beyond your script and discover the ability to love in yourself.
The man begins to pull away, frightened of the emerging attachment and dependence. The more a woman makes claims and demands, the more a man moves away from her. This tells you to stop. The most important thing is to stay in position, not to build or destroy. A woman often goes from one extreme to another, she cannot be patient and wait for results. It is very important for a woman to live in some certainty: “We are together or not. Either you love or we break up.
Or she begins to build relationships and love a man correctly, as they say in books. Not getting fast desired result- the other extreme: “Why do I need all this. Tired! Tired! How can?!"
Emotions that sway in one direction or the other bind you even more to a man. It doesn't matter if you decide to be with him or not. By becoming attached to it, you deprive yourself of a choice. Such extremes destroy relationships and women. Accept the situation as it is. Let her go. Letting go is being in limbo and watching what happens. Follow life, and do not set your own laws and boundaries.
If such a period has come into your life, then reduce your activity in any direction to 0.
Do not prove anything, do not sort things out, do not decide how you will live alone. Stop. Take a neutral position. Don't pull him towards you, but don't push him away either.
Your focus of attention is shifted all the time to the man, to his actions and his motives. You are trying to understand him and give explanations for his actions. You forget that even if you understand the reasons for a man's actions, you, in any case, cannot change him. By thinking in this direction, you again drive yourself into a painful attachment.
A woman, engaged in her internal development, most often pursues the goal - how to change her so that she can change a man. She does not let go for a second the thought that he needs to change so that everything is fine with them. But she doesn't know how to change a man. Often, just for the sake of this, women come to a psychologist or attend trainings. Not for the sake of her changes, but for the sake of the opportunity to change her partner and ultimately get what she wants from a MAN.
Grievances build a wall that, on the one hand, saves a woman from pain and suffering, on the other hand, this wall destroys relationships, freezing out all feelings. A man, feeling this and listening to offensive words from a woman (she does not talk about her feelings, she blames a man), shrinks even more inside himself and closes, not even leaving a crack. His ego is hurt. His self-esteem suffers. In his ears again sounds the monologue of his mother or father from childhood, which he diligently forgot. A man puts on not just a shell, but impenetrable armor. Feminine feelings and all insults, reaching this armor, hit and break. At the same time, leaving an even greater wound in the soul of a woman. And so it is repeated day after day or periodically. The pile of insults and misunderstanding grows more and more.
And the man feels even more lonely because of this armor. This armor, on the one hand, protects him from female reproaches and claims, and on the other hand, isolates his feelings, dooming him to loneliness. He is afraid even to open his building a little, because he expects to receive nothing but fiery arrows and stones. And for the sake of its own security, it continues to hold its positions. The wife turns into an angry woman, ready to use even forbidden incendiary mixtures at the most inopportune moment. The house turns into a battlefield, and without any rules.
And here, among the ruins sticking out after the hostilities, SHE is found. A woman, completely unarmed, who is ready to give all of herself without a trace just because HE is ...
And the man does not plan to leave home, he only wants to soak up in a different exotic setting. But this is where my wife would have to stop, and she also buys guns and certainly conducts tests. She, too, can be understood, she becomes even more offended and misunderstood. She still hopes to stir up male feelings and feel his love again, his tenderness, his soul. Her whole war was started only in order to feel needed, loved and the only one. But the effect of her military actions is completely different. A man becomes further and further away, more and more finds solace in the arms of his mistress.
The lover is no better or worse than you. She is the same woman, she has only one advantage - she has no grudges against your husband, and she is tired of being alone. The man leaves not from you, ANOTHER is not better. A man leaves YOUR ATTITUDE TO HIM. THE OTHER IS NOT BETTER THAN YOU, she just treats your man better. And he, too, at first is not the same as with you.
People are afraid of difficulties. They don't want to work on relationships. Much easier to switch to new ones. And they will be new until the unconscious speaks, and then everything goes in a certain circle.
The problem is that you were born and raised with a lack of love and attention, so all your life you strive to make up for this lack. You need the other to maintain your "I", which you feel only in the presence of a person who loves you. The desire to be loved over time turns into a demand to be loved and the only important thing in a man's life. More important than all his affairs and even work. You are not ready to share it with anyone or anything.
This desire, your demands, constant control and command of a man, disrespect for him, perception in his soul as a loser leads to the fact that he feels unnecessary and unloved. Not nourished by you, it ceases to nourish you with the necessary life energy of love. You, not receiving satisfaction of your needs, experience irritation and fatigue. No one else produces love. The boat of family life begins to flow. This is how other women appear in the life of a man.
If you feel that problems have come into your relationship with your husband and you don't know what to do. Then remember one golden rule: “If you don’t know what to do, then it’s better not to do anything yet.” Take it easy. Breathe out the situation and tell yourself, "I'll think about it tomorrow." Take care of yourself, switch to your inner world. Yours will stay with you, provided you don't hold onto it. Only by letting go, yours will always come to you in a different capacity.
I invite you to my
