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How to let go of an ex girlfriend

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How to let go of an ex girlfriend

Not all of our relationships lead to a happy marriage, and not all of our relationships are destined to end on a happy note. Based on this, we can say that each of us in life will experience several unfortunate breakups with girls, and some of them will forever remain in our memory.

And we all need to solve one big and fateful task: to transfer memories from the category of "painful" to the category of "we were young, happy and stupid." And to achieve this state, you can use the three stages through which every guy with a broken heart has to go through.

Why You Should Let Your Ex Girl Go

We knew a lot of guys who suffered for their ex-girlfriends for several years. They constantly tried to return past relationships, tried to get in touch with the girl, looked for her face on the street in the crowd. But most importantly: they refused other girls, even if they were worthy and attractive girls. The guys actually put themselves in a cage of empty hopes and spoiled their lives.

It is for this reason that it is necessary to let go of your ex-girlfriend so that she does not occupy the place in your heart reserved for new feelings and emotions. This is the only way to enjoy life again, to have an interest in girls again and to improve your sex life.

If a guy wants to be happy again, he must let go of his ex and forget about the dreams associated with her forever.

How to let go of a girl - steps

Suffering and sadness. If the guy really loved the girl, then after parting there comes a moment when the holes in his heart begin to remind of themselves more and more. And the situation takes the form that only in the company of friends or at work can a person live, and as soon as he is left alone with himself, he is swallowed up by melancholy.

Even with all the ready-made girls, friends and alcohol, they are not able to help the guy avoid this stage in his life. Anyway, sooner or later such a wave will cover him, and he will suffer!

And this stage will last until the guy empties himself completely, when there is no one left inside who would be sorry. A person who could enjoy life and love will die inside!

Beginning and first steps. After such a devastation, a man will again come out into the light and begin to learn step by step to live without his girlfriend. He will understand that time can be spent with friends, and not necessarily with a girl. He will understand that many girls communicate as sweetly and romantically as his ex-girlfriend. He will start looking for new acquaintances, he will start looking for new warmth in people that he missed so much.

And the danger at this stage is excessive cowardice and weakness, because it is so easy to get back into your dark world when other people burn you with their energy and emotions. Only the one who conquers the fear of the unknown in himself will be able to let go of his girlfriend and go forward to a new star!

Recovery and new love. As soon as a man can get on with his life without a girl in his life, he will realize that he has a lot of free time and energy for new feelings and emotions. Someone completely devotes himself to a new hobby, someone improves his skills and abilities, and someone sets off on a sailboat of love to new shores.

This is a whole new world, which is open to the guy, a world in which there is no more room for suffering, pain and emptiness. And that's exactly what a guy should aim for.

Letting go of the anchors of the ex-girlfriend

An anchor is any thing or emotion that connects your feelings and emotions with an ex-girlfriend. For example, a mug that a girl gave for an anniversary, or common photos that you took together. These are all the things that first make you a little happier, and then plunge you back into the darkness of suffering.

Delete all photos of the girl. Many of us love to look at photos of our girls, especially if they are sexy photos. But to make it easier for you to get rid of the girl, you need to completely remove them all. Of course, a few days after the removal, you will reproach yourself for this step, you will try to restore them or somehow find them again. But, find the strength in yourself, and delete these photos!

Don't go to her page. Put yourself a block or somehow punish yourself so that you cannot go to the page to your ex-girlfriend. Almost all guys after breaking up begin to spy on their ex-girlfriend, and also spy on a guy who is somehow connected with her. Do not look for connections, do not torture yourself with various thoughts, just give it up.

Don't go to "your" places. Absolutely all the guys after breaking up with a girl begin to go to common places, or start walking near the girl’s house, hoping to see her at least for a moment. Believe me, you will just waste your time, and such a chance meeting will give you absolutely nothing! Spare yourself this.

Her girlfriends. You do not need to discuss your girlfriend with your mutual friends and ask them to convey something to her. If it happens that a girl gives you another chance, you will be the first to know about it. Asking friends to spy on your girlfriend or give her something: stupid and useless, don't waste your time on this.

Negative. Sometimes guys get so upset about a breakup that they start saying a lot of unflattering words to their ex-girlfriend, and then realize that it was said in vain. As a result, they set themselves the goal of apologizing for these words to the girl, creating an additional debt-anchor for themselves! It is better not to do stupid things initially, rather than somehow justify yourself to yourself later.

When will I let her go?

You will be ready for a new relationship when all the memories and feelings about an ex-girlfriend turn into something distant, pleasant and completely unnecessary. Then you will be ready for new feelings and accomplishments. You know, it's hard, but it has to be done.

Hello!
I don’t know where to start, I have experienced a lot in my short life, and I have seen a lot! From the age of 8, my father saw me, thought that I was already an adult, and was always strict with me! For one of my mistakes, I was punished! And although my older brother always played, he had fun! I always did hard work when my peers played, had fun, I never understood when they said that they were forced to go to the store, do something around the house because it's so easy, I was so jealous of them! And this went on until the age of 16! At the age of 16, I lost all meaning! I tried to commit suicide! But I don’t know from where, God sent her to me, I met a girl who supported me at that moment, told me to think about her, about us! I promised that I would be with her for the rest of my life! By the age of 16, my spine jumped out three times! I had several concussions! But I never told anyone that I was in pain, I kept everything to myself! When I was in pain, I smiled through my tears! Don't show it to others! Always spoke well when it was bad! Until that moment, she was the dearest person to me, I lived for her! She told me that she would never leave me alone in any situation! But everything has changed dramatically, now she says that she is tired of me, that she no longer loves me! I've been fighting for my love for a month, but I'm tired of everything! All my dreams, goals are gone with her! I can not let her go, because she is the meaning of my life! I lost everything, I don't know what to do! After all, I did what I lived for her! Yes, I know that you will say too young that your whole life is ahead, that you will meet another! And I don't need another! But I'm already tired of fighting, everything I do is just falling down, losing its meaning! Life is unfair to me!
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TheLast , age: 18 / 17.02.2018

Responses:

Hello my dear man! Yes - it happens - love goes away and with it the desire to live, the world is collapsing, it seems the earth has gone from under its feet. And no one is needed except for the one who left. Believe me, it just seems that life is over! let her go - she made her choice, let her go. And you have to become strong - there is no other way. Help someone in this life. If there is a person nearby who will really need your help and support, then the meaning of life will return to you. And you will still be happy!

olga, age: 37/18.02.2018

And so it is, dear friend. At such moments, you have to rely only on God's help, and even at such moments, you can learn to love life at least in something, to see beauty in at least something ... But it's difficult when you are depressed, very difficult. It is difficult, because he gave his soul for a girl, but she did not appreciate it. Perhaps she chose comfort, prospects, and not love, who knows. I know only one thing, that those who choose true love, no matter how hard it hurts and is sad, they never lose their lives. And whatever the reasons for which the girl leaves you, you still need to live on ... live in the name of love, which illuminates life, gives it meaning, gives it wings, gives it hope.

Person, age: 27/18.02.2018

Hello. Please don't despair. Despite everything, you have grown up to be a good person, responsible, serious, well-mannered. As for the girl, don't push. Be friends, communicate, but do not force. Spend more time studying, exams, admission. You can find a job, a part-time job. Good luck to you and success!

Irina, age: 30 / 02/18/2018

Hello. You survived, you didn’t break, this is the most important thing. You must hold on and not give up. Your life is in your hands, and it depends on you what it will be and what will happen in it. Yes, sometimes we depend on the circumstances that occur in our life, but you have to hold on. Be strong. I understand that it hurts you that the girl stopped loving you. But you won’t be forcefully sweet. You must let her go, because this is her choice. .ru. And read materials about dependent love. Please hold on. You have your whole life ahead. When a person says that he has fallen out of love, the most useless and meaningless thing is trying to return her love. Try to deserve it. Fix your "mistakes". Faithfully look into the eyes. Ask about the reasons. Care. All this has not yet helped anyone to return love. What to do? Live. Life goes on. Your life. With or without this girl, or with another girl. Live. Load yourself with things. Don't let yourself get discouraged. Build your life further. A girl is not a thing that can be purchased or returned against her will. If a girl lost her feelings over time, it is very difficult to return them. You should not insist on meetings, you should not persuade to stay in a relationship. It's always repulsive. So don't do anything on purpose, be yourself. And if you are dear to her, if you are calm, reliable, there are no reproaches, a lot of questions, then this is the best thing you can do. Sadly, but your girlfriend is free in her choice regarding you, as well as you free in their own. And just because you love her doesn't oblige her to love you in return. The meeting and union of two people is a great success, happiness, but it is impossible to force another to choose oneself. It’s probably hard to accept, but without it, your life will be very difficult and not very joyful. By recognizing your partner’s right to choose, you give him freedom, respect, recognition of his importance, and his sincere response to this step can be much more valuable to you than the tortured signs of attention that you will pull out of him with manipulative tricks. If you want to develop your personality, grow spiritually, then on this path you will need to make many difficult existential choices, but the result is worth it. The result is a satisfying, full, joyful life full of impressions. Live on, study, work. And do not make premature conclusions. Maybe in the future a person will appear who will love you and be able to melt your heart. Who knows what will happen in the future. In the meantime, you need to survive this difficult period. Be strong. Hold on. Lord help you!

Ldinka, age: 26 / 18.02.2018

You are not the age at which you should expect to meet love to the grave. It's okay, but you have gained valuable relationship experience. As for the fact that from childhood they were forced to work - so you turn it into a plus for yourself. You know what life is, what hard work is, you will not be afraid to live. I have seen examples of the opposite - when people were spoiled from childhood, and then for them work and basic care for their own housing become torture and incomprehensible difficulties.

Boris, age: 28 / 20.02.2018

Hello! I sympathize with you very much. Just don't despair. I understand that you are in a lot of pain now, but we are still given tests of our strength. Maybe this girl was really given to you as support at a difficult moment in your life. perejit.ru Read here. Life will not end there anyway, really. It is much broader and does not consist in one person. I think if she leaves your life, then maybe someone else will appear who will support you.
No matter how hard it is, but try to forgive your father for everything that happened in childhood. I think he only wanted the best for you. You can get a plus from this life of the situation, but you were independent. Maybe even someone wanted to be able to do the same as you. Each person has his own way and it is not worth envying anyone. People who were not taught independence in childhood are much worse in adulthood. Health can always be maintained, do not be discouraged. You are well done that you did not show your pain to anyone. But sometimes it still needs to be done, otherwise you can’t stand it like that. Talk to a psychologist about what's bothering you. You can already chat with a psychologist online) Life is not unfair, everyone is given what they can. We just don’t see other people’s problems ... look here. In your situation, I strongly advise you to turn to God. God created you a wonderful person, He loves you very much and will never leave you) Ask Him for help more often and it will become easier for you) He will help you help you cope with everything) I wish you finding the meaning of life, more patience and strength, good family relationships, academic success, good health, always good mood, happiness, more love, joy and peace in life and all the best! God help you! Guardian Angel to you!

Anastasia, age: 02/19/2018

This is no longer life, but existence ...

TheLast , age: 18 / 21.02.2018

The other day I received another letter in the mail about a difficult life story in relations with my wife. And with the permission of Vyacheslav, who sent it, I am publishing this instructive and very vital story for you.

« Lena and I met at the campsite. Summer, sun, vacation. Our companies rested nearby. We had many mutual friends. That's how we met by chance. And I was drawn to her like an invisible magnet. Our holiday is over in two weeks. But our romance is just getting started.

I was older than my beloved. Established as a person. Walked like a man. She suited me in everything, she was smart beyond her years. He offered to move in with me. So we began to live together. I spoiled her with freshly brewed coffee on Sundays. And Lena spoiled me all week with her attention and goodies in the mornings and evenings. I even sometimes offered her to take a break and we went to cafes and restaurants for dinner. Sometimes they went to my parents. They immediately fell in love with her too. And they were glad that I was finally in safe hands ...

The wife is tired of her husband. Who is right, who is wrong

We lived together for about two years. Everything seemed to be perfect. I didn't want to waste time. He proposed to marry. This was a surprise. We went for the weekend to a decent club-hotel. And in the evening after dinner in the room, having ordered champagne, I offered her a hand and a heart.

The wedding was splendid. I wanted to scream about love and our happiness. But, apparently, it is not in vain that they say: "Happiness loves silence."

After the wedding, I relaxed. I decided that Lena is my wife, and her duties include some actions. She told me more than once about socks scattered all over the apartment and coffee spilled all over the table. And not only about this.

I thought it was nitpicking. All men do the same. So, is it hard to remove? Are you a wife...

Lena held on for a long time. But, apparently, resentment for my oversights accumulated every day. She began to see her friends more often and come late from work.

“The wife is tired of her husbandwhat a banal ending," I thought casually.

But why? Laundry, ironing, cleaning are the direct duties of women. And no one died from it." I asked what happened. She always had one answer: "Tired at work" ...

Friends, work, something is not clean here. Maybe another. ANDwife fell in love. What to do?

Then I did not even know that the reason for everything was socks and my untidiness. Lena was simply tired of being a housewife, a cook and a cleaner. She is young and wants to be loved. To respect her work.

The wife is not a housekeeper. First of all, she is a beloved woman. Now I understand that when I found out thatwife wants to leave.

- Lena, what are you?

- Think about it yourself. You took me as your wife so you could have a nanny and a housekeeper. Flowers, courtship, compliments forgotten? I only have time to clean the dirt in the apartment in my free time.

She was hysterical and wanted a divorce. I suggested that she leave for a while. Rate everything. Said I love it very much. That all whims are her whims. I had no other words then.

Called her back a week later. Asked to return. And she replied that she was much better off without me. We are getting divorced! Because she is young and does not want to become my slave.

Wife wants a divorce. Here's a twist of fate for you.

How can I prove to her that I can be different and correct for her?Oddly enough, but with such a question, I could only turn to my mother for advice.She supported me and said that I might miss a good girl. And he understands Lena perfectly, this is not her whim. This is the pain of many women. When they are perceived after the wedding by housewives.

My wise mother, also a woman, advised me to consult a psychologist.

“Mom, are you out of your mind?” Am I seeing a psychologist?
Do you want Lena back? And never repeat your mistake again. Then take away your pride and go, you won't regret it. I turned to him myself, after which I looked at the situation from a different perspective.

Get back your love and save the relationship

I turned to that I heard about good feedback not only from my mother, but also from friends who have gone through similar situations in life. And literally after a couple of conversations, he not only realized his own mistakes, but also received fromDanilaclear instructions for action. Surprisingly, miraculously, Lena agreed to meet with me.

Thus began our love story from scratch in the literal sense of the sheet. Do not lose or offend loved ones. But even if this happens, feel free to go for help to a good specialist, such asDanil».

Question to the psychologist:

Hello, my name is Alexander, I'm 21 years old. I have not been very lucky in my life: my mother died after 3 years of battling kidney failure when I was 13; my father drank and beat me constantly, gave me no rest; I had 3 close people who helped me: my aunt (mother's sister), a childhood friend with whom I lived in the same house and a friend from school. I have been dating a girl for the last 3 years. We met at the university and it so happened that we studied at 1 faculty in 1 stream. I fell madly in love with her. For the first half of the year, we talked a lot, shared our opinions, talked about eternal questions, then we began to spend more and more time together and decided to meet. At that time, she was in a hopeless relationship with a guy she had been dating for 3 years, they had not seen each other for weeks, did not communicate, he offended her, etc. I helped her get out of that relationship and entered into a relationship. A period began when we did not see anyone but each other, I spent almost all the time with her and I liked it. I was crazy about her and often she came to my house and at one time even lived. Her parents also took me very well and therefore I spent all the holidays and events in her family. This went on for more than a year, until I fell into a severe depression. A lot of negative events happened at one moment: my father went into a binge and began to attack my grandmother (his mother), my mother's sister was in the hospital and the doctors said that nothing good could be expected, a very close friend moved abroad, a friend got married and her husband forbade her to communicate with me, I also realized that I look very bad, that, in fact, I can’t do anything, any of my attempts to do something ended in failure. There was also chaos at home: a neighbor from above flooded me and a small fire broke out in my apartment. I understood that these were my problems and did not want to share them with the girl, fearing that she would not want to meet with me after that. I drove myself and thought about committing suicide, then I didn’t even tell about my intentions and she said that she wanted to come, but I refused, saying that if she came, I wouldn’t open it for her. This hurt her very much and she took it as a betrayal (she said so). I got over it all thanks to her, but she no longer wanted to talk. I began to come up with plans for how to make peace with her and how to continue the relationship. Then I decided that I would come to her with flowers and ask for forgiveness. For the future, I made a plan that immediately after the university I would offer her to move in with me and marry me. A month later, I was able to reconcile with her, but everything changed a little: we began to see each other less, talk less, she began to pay more attention to other people, our meetings very often turned into just intimacy. I felt very bad, I did not know how to find a place for myself. I didn't know what to do. Without realizing it, I began to reproach her for the fact that we began to communicate less, she pays less attention to me and stuff like that. I walked around very upset and felt bad, she didn't seem to take it seriously. Then a new semester began and I stopped talking to her there, she constantly spent time with her friends, but still we talked when I went to her house. This was the case until mid-December. In mid-December, she was offered to participate in a development project. She dreamed about it for a long time, I knew it and gave her complete freedom. New Year we spent together and it seemed to me that this project breathed into our relationship new life . But I now understand that she only liked the project and her improvement in relations with me was simply due to her mood. We began to see each other and communicate even less. In the new semester there were only 2 school days and she constantly sat at home and worked on the project. I visited her, but she did not react to me in any way. I decided to talk to her about it, she offered to choose a time for our meetings, but for some reason I refused. I couldn’t cope with negative feelings in myself and seeing her 2 times at the project, I just demonstratively left. The second time she stopped me, I realized that I was doing terrible things and asked for forgiveness, reassured her and somehow we reconciled. She continued to work on the project and I did not get into it until I found out that she was traveling to Moscow with the guys from the project. I was very jealous and had no idea what to do. On Thursday I found out that she was going to some concert with some guys and decided to talk to her. We talked for several hours, walking down the street, I raised the topic of our relationship, once I even said that we needed to leave, she said that she did not know what was happening to her and she needed to think about the reasons for this. After this conversation, we went home, she did not go to the concert. On the bus, I realized that I shouldn’t have done this, because this is her favorite pastime, I tried to rectify the situation, but she said that she needed to think. And then on Friday evening ... she gave the answer that she could not forgive that betrayal and no longer felt anything for me. I did not believe what I read and went to her at night. Arriving, she began to talk about all this in tears, I could not answer anything concretely and simply asked her not to part with me. We talked all night. I was either filled with anger and resentment, or love and desire to return her. I said a lot of things, most without even realizing it. In the end, she said that she did not want this to happen again, that she did not believe me and did not want to date. In the morning I went home almost crying. I didn’t know what to do and wrote her different thoughts that I love her, that she is the most precious thing for me, that I can’t imagine life without her, that I can’t let her go. In the end, she decided that if her parents give us a chance, then she will allow, but no ... They said that they should have left during my depression, that they didn’t like my attitude to things, that I pulled very hard and I couldn’t interest her, that I lost it and we need to leave. My conversation with her father went smoothly: I explained the situation, he said that he had nothing against me, but his daughter's well-being was important to him. I told her that I love her very much and I can not let go. Today I am in complete despair, I feel very bad. I wrote to her about this, that I couldn’t do it without her, to which she said that it’s hard to be with me, I have a very complex character that she doesn’t understand. That I have chances for the future and do not ruin them. That after parting with her, I will become stronger, smarter. That I will find more people who will appreciate, love and respect me. I don’t know what to do, I love her very much and don’t want to lose her, I can’t imagine how to live without her. I began to think about suicide again and continue to write to her about my feelings, but she says that it's too late. Without her, I'm completely alone. How can I deal with this situation? How to return the relationship? Or how to forget about them?

The psychologist Ekaterina Alexandrovna Markelova answers the question.

Good afternoon, Alexander. Yes, yes, it’s kind, and that’s exactly what every day should be for you! Life is something for which it’s worth waking up every day, smiling and enjoying it. LIFE IS ONE AND IT WILL BE WHAT YOU MAKE IT...

At the very beginning of the letter, you say that you were not very lucky in life, but if you look at it from the other side, this may not be so. Of course, the loss of a loved one is always a trauma for our soul, but there were people close to you who We were able to support and comfort you.

I re-read your letter several times, and most importantly, those questions that you would like to find an answer to. Breaking up a long-term relationship is always painful, but the main thing is to stop and drive yourself into a corner. friend, lived with each other, breathed the same air, and suddenly something broke, something went wrong. But this is life and no one is to blame. she will want to find out how you are doing. Try to devote more time to your favorite business, relax, meet new people, reconsider your attitude to the current situation.

And most importantly, you are still so young, you have your whole life ahead of you! Appreciate this time, there is only one youth! Life is priceless, be above your thoughts, appreciate life!

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