First, you need to make sure that the information is correct. There is nothing worse than slandering a man and causing discord in the family of your close friend, when in reality there is no reason to worry. The situation can become even more complicated if the couple is raising children - in this case, it is necessary to take the issue as seriously as possible and talk (if such a decision is made) about the betrayal of the spouse only if there are facts. However, if the information is just speculation, no matter how strong the negative attitude towards the friend’s husband is, you should not even start a conversation on this topic. As the proverb says: “Don’t dig a hole for another, you yourself will fall into it.” In other words, the truth will eventually become clear, and you can lose your girlfriend...
If there is no doubt that the spouse is cheating, it is very important to weigh the pros and cons before informing your girlfriend. You can try to play out possible scenarios - how will she react to such information? In difficult cases, when a decision cannot be made in any way, psychologists advise using the so-called “sheet of paper” method. Dividing the page into two parts, it is necessary to state all the reasons why you want to “open the eyes” of a deceived wife. For example, resentment for a girlfriend, hostility to her husband or a new object of his feelings, or simply a desire to restore justice. And next - try to predict the likely consequences - a quarrel between spouses, divorce, etc.
Some women, even having indisputable facts of their husband's infidelity, prefer to continue to live "with their eyes closed", maintaining the confidence that everything is going well in their family. There can be a lot of reasons for this - from financial or psychological dependence on her husband to banal self-doubt, low self-esteem and unwillingness to go into open conflict. And even if you tell her that her husband “goes to the left”, such a woman can break up with her friend, but try to continue to save her marriage, despite this “unfortunate misunderstanding”. Sadly, sometimes wives are simply afraid to talk to their husbands about this topic ... And if the desire to tell your girlfriend about her husband's infidelity is irresistible, it is important to weigh all the nuances in advance in order to be prepared for various developments.
You can try to find options for reporting such sensitive information. different ways. There are many books, films and songs about love triangles and adultery. By trying to discreetly start a conversation on this topic, for example, by sharing your impressions of a recently watched movie, you can start a conversation with your girlfriend, getting to know her attitude to such situations. If a woman states that she would rather not know about her husband's infidelity, it is worth considering whether she should speak about her suspicions. On the other hand, there is a high risk that, over time, she will learn about it from other sources and may blame everyone who knew, but did not tell her earlier.
As they say, “an alien soul is darkness”, and finding a middle ground between your desire to tell a secret and maintain friendship must be accepted only on your own. After all, only friends know each other close enough and are able to guess what the consequences of this or that event will be. On the other hand, the situation is quite delicate, and even well-known people can behave quite unpredictably.
The situation in which you found out that your close friend's husband or boyfriend is cheating on her is quite sensitive. Especially if from the outside their relationship seems very happy, and the woman herself idolizes her chosen one. Should I tell her about it? And how to support a loved one who has learned about treason?
You can learn about the adventures of a husband or boyfriend of a friend from various sources of information. You may see her partner on the street with another woman, or hear about it from someone you know in common. The first thing to do is to understand if this is really a betrayal..
Perhaps the man just went out for coffee with a colleague or met a cousin.
Definitely you should not run to a girlfriend with unverified information - you risk looking stupid and unreasonably ruining other people's relationships.
If you are sure that your friend's partner is definitely cheating on her, then you should think it over. Rate if she would like to know about it herself.
If you don't know this, try talking to a friend. Tell her that you have heard rumors that some friend of yours is cheating on her husband, and ask her opinion whether it is worth talking about it.
Try not to be nervous when talking, otherwise the girlfriend will understand that something is unclean here, and you are talking about her. Based on her opinion, and you need to draw conclusions.
There are times when a woman prefers not to "see" her husband's adventures, while her friends, meanwhile, are actively discussing this. Everyone has their own motives - someone does not want to lose relationships, well-being. Here it is worth evaluating the consequences - it is unlikely that you will receive gratitude by opening your friend's eyes.
Such an exposure can lead to separation.. If the husband or boyfriend of a friend does not hide cheating, you should not rush with revelations, because sooner or later a woman will find out the truth anyway.
If you know for sure that this friend is a person who loves the truth and just hates deceit, then you should definitely tell her. Otherwise, having learned about infidelity from other sources, she will blame not only her spouse, but you too.
You should not be silent if the girlfriend's chosen one has illegitimate children, or you know that her boyfriend is married. Before making a decision, it is necessary to take into account the nature and situation, assess the possible consequences.
Of course, you immediately want to open the eyes of a loved one to the unpleasant truth. But there are a number of reasons why this should not be done. Bringing not the best news you may unwittingly become the person your girlfriend will avoid.
This happens when a woman herself realizes that her partner is cheating on her, but continues to be with him. Realizing that you are aware of this unpleasant situation, she may begin to move away from you, especially if she continues to live with the traitor.
There is no single correct solution. After evaluating all the pros and cons, the possible consequences, think whether to speak or not.
Of course, it would be more correct to say, especially if the friend hates lies. But appreciate what her reaction might be.
The type of women we have already mentioned, who do not want to notice their partner's betrayal, is unlikely to take your words seriously and be grateful for them. There are also situations when a girlfriend simply does not want to believe in the fact of going to the side and may accuse you of wanting to ruin her relationship. And she can also become hysterical, and you need to understand how to calm her down when she breaks down..
The news can be shocking for a friend, and she can react with distrust - first of all, to you. A likely turn of events - if the partners stay together, you will become an outcast for this couple.
If their relationship breaks down, they may start blaming you for it. This is a kind of defensive reaction. The reaction is different, so be prepared for any turn of events.
And one moment. Often, ladies who decide to convey this message argue that they do not want to offend a friend with silence. In fact, the fact that you kept silent rarely pops up.
If it opens, then first the spouses will find out the relationship between themselves. AND if you end up choosing not to talk about what you know, don't talk about it or anyone else. Later, if a woman decides to initiate you into her family relationship, you can support her.
If a friend nevertheless found out about the betrayal, the correct reaction on your part is important. She needs your support. Listen to the following recommendations from experts:
The person to whom you come with such a bitter message must be sure of your sincerity and know that you will not intentionally hurt him. However, in this case, it is worth weighing everything and deciding whether the information you have is really reliable.
If you found out about the betrayal from a third party, even from a “trusted and reliable source”, you should not be guided by the saying “there is no smoke without fire” and talk about what you yourself cannot confirm.
And even if you saw your friend's husband in a restaurant with another woman with your own eyes, this does not mean that there is an affair between them - perhaps this is his colleague or relative. Of course, if you see him openly flirting with an outsider or somehow become a witness to infidelity, this can be a subject for conversation.
You definitely shouldn’t shock a friend with whom you haven’t known each other for too long or are not too close with unpleasant news. She simply may not believe you, and you only risk losing friendships. Learning an unpleasant truth is always painful, and a person who does not know you well enough may become defensive, protective of a partner and suspect you of insincerity.
If you feel that you are not being believed, clarify your intentions: why you chose to tell the truth. If a friend refuses to believe what she heard, do not return to this topic, and even more so do not try to convince her that you are right.
The conversation should take place in private, without prying eyes, and not by telephone, but in person. Do not try to beat around the bush, but rather tell it like it is: what you have seen and know. You can apologize for having to talk about it, but you definitely shouldn't judge the situation and the behavior of your girlfriend's partner.
Let her know that you are on her side. She will need support, and it is in your power to make her feel that she can rely on you.
You must be absolutely sure that it is really about treason. Whether it is possible to consider such a light flirting over a cup of coffee is a big question. There is always a chance that, without knowing the details, you have misinterpreted the situation. For those who flirt, this can be a small episode that will cheer them up and then immediately be forgotten. If you tell a friend about this, the situation will begin to acquire disturbing speculation.
Lack of information often leads to the development of negative fantasies. Most likely, your girlfriend will begin to blame the partner for what he did not do, which is hello to quarrels. If this is a close-knit family with strong relationships, then such “friendly information” will be harmful.
A friend knows her partner better than you and can guess something, but pretend not to notice what is happening
But there may be other circumstances when the relationship in a couple has become obsolete and is based only on habit and fear of parting. If a friend frequently reveals that she's considering a divorce, your message could be the push to help her take the plunge. In this case, even conditional treason will be only an excuse, not a cause.
Deciding to tell everything, you need to understand your responsibility. A friend knows her partner better than you and can guess something, but pretend not to notice what is happening, wanting to save the relationship. Intervening, you force her to follow a formal path: cheating - scandal - parting. After all, if she does not do this, then how will she look in the eyes of the “witness”?
Very often there are situations when you find out about someone's betrayal. But is it worth it to tell a friend that the cheater is her husband.
It is very difficult to have information on which the fate of other people depends. You and your close friend can become a hostage of such a situation. Imagine that you become aware that your husband is cheating on his girlfriend. She constantly paints you the perfect picture of her family, and you understand that this is a deep delusion. The topic is very delicate and before making any decision, it is necessary to correctly analyze the current situation.
Every situation is different. If one woman will benefit from the disclosure of such a secret, then the other, on the contrary, is better to be in the dark. Interfering with someone else's family, you automatically become a participant in further events. On the one hand, to remain silent means to betray friendship, on the other hand, to tell and destroy family relationships. What to do - keep silent or tell? How to properly present bad news and maintain understanding with a friend? Let's try to consider various options for the development of events.
Having heard the opinion of a friend, you will clearly understand the further development of events after voicing the bad news. If children suffer as a result of revealing the secret, then remorse will be replaced by feelings for children's fates. Are you mentally prepared for the destruction of the family of a person you care about?
If you are not completely sure that you are right or have only superficial information that husband cheating on girlfriend, then do not rush to voice your suspicions. Phrases like “it seems to me”, “someone said”, “rumor has it” are absolutely inappropriate in this situation. Before sowing distrust between spouses, try to make sure the information is true.
The flimsiness of your words will immediately put female friendship in doubt. Moreover, a spouse can help to keep your communication with a girlfriend to a minimum. If there is nothing to confirm your words, then a man can easily expose you as a liar.
If you notice that the husband of a friend is not very careful in his adventures "to the left", then do not rush to get ahead of events. Let your friend see the obvious for herself.
Communicating with a friend for a long time, you should already know her life principles. If you are sure that she will never come to terms with betrayal and lies, then be sure that no one will appreciate your silence. In this case, in order to maintain friendship, you need to be honest both with yourself and with a person who is not indifferent to you.
Psychologists say that in most families in which male infidelity occurs, women prefer to forgive than divorce. With such a development of events, there is a high probability of ending a strong female friendship. Therefore, if it is vital for you to maintain friendship, then between the options to remain silent or say that husband cheating on girlfriend give preference to the first.
I remembered something) I didn’t communicate with my friend for a long time, she moved to another city, and then she got out to visit her and remembered her story)
Once upon a time, the three of us were friends. Girlfriend, me and (let it be) Olya. We were friends specifically like that, not just to tryndet. They trusted each other very personal things, walked every day with strollers, children. They borrowed from each other when they needed it, shared diapers when someone ran out. They consoled me when they quarreled with their husbands. Moreover, we also communicated in company with our husbands. Olya and I were aware that the friend's husband was a “walker”. Moreover, they didn’t hold a candle, but they personally saw how he flirts, clamps with others in a cafe, a barbecue. Moreover, their family was strong, the husband of a friend loved her very much (according to his words and deeds) and was jealous of any pillar, it came to not funny. Moreover, the Friend was sure that her husband was clean as glass (well, they say she is so jealous, always swears allegiance, etc.) We had no doubts about her fidelity, because she devoted all the time to the child, we talked almost 24 hours a day) Time passed. The children were already sitting in strollers, taking their first steps, we were also friends. And somehow Olya told me that she wanted to open the eyes of our mutual Friend and tell her the whole truth about her husband. The day before, she saw him in the barbecue in the evening with some girl, he kissed her in an adult way, with tongues. I immediately said, without even listening to the end, don’t you dare! It's their business, not ours. You will destroy the family. You see how he treats her, the child, why?!!! But Olya decided in her own way. And the very next day after our conversation, she told her friend about her husband's antics. What happened next? Both are young (under 25), hot. His girlfriend split him, he confessed, begged for forgiveness. He said that he just drank beer, did not realize that he had seen this girl for the first time in his life, that family and a child were the most important thing in life for him. But the Girlfriend did not forgive on emotions and kicked her out. Begging for forgiveness for a couple more weeks, her husband realized that this was not an option, the parents of the Friend, with whom they then lived, also joined in, and went to live with that girl (who turned out to be an adult 45-year-old aunt with adult children) because there was nowhere else, parents he didn't have). For my Girlfriend it was a shock. She fell into a very severe depression, especially after she found out that her husband was living with another woman and her children. For a while she was alone, all in a child. Time passed and a year later she met another man. (according to a divorce, she loved her husband wildly, but could not forgive the betrayal, especially when he went to live with her). So, she didn’t love that man, but she got along, because a holy place is never empty. A decent man, an adult, children are adults, he got very well, his own apartment, a good car, he accepted her daughter as his own. In short, girls, so as not to load)) A year later, this couple got back together, because they loved each other all this time. A friend and her cheating husband. They left their partners, apologized, well, it happened ... They got married officially (before that they lived in civil marriage) and gave birth to a son. They moved out from their parents, saving up for their apartment. And I’m all for anything. Imagine how one word from a person from outside can change the fate of two people. The two halves, who have a common child, were separated for more than three years, were involved in being with unloved people, all this time they wrote to each other, called, but could not forgive. They threw three years out of their lives on strangers. They hurt themselves and those with whom they lived during this time. For some reason, I immediately remembered the film “Sex and the City”, namely the film, not the series, in which Miranda was cheated on by her husband and she kicked him out and took her son away. And then, at a reception with a psychologist, he said, but you also betrayed your husband, you took an oath, promised to be with him in joy and sorrow, but did not fulfill this promise, although the husband repented and asked for your forgiveness. . What would you do in this situation? Do you think that girlfriends have the right to get into the personal lives of their girlfriends and tell them things that perhaps should have been kept silent?
