Hello!
We have been married for 8 years, I am 31, my wife is 30. We don’t have children, we put it off all the time (either the wife was looking for work, then health problems, then something else, the reasons were always found, but they were never discussed in a calm manner, only on emotions) .I myself am a quick-tempered person, I can start up with a half turn, but quickly move away. My wife is calm, but stubborn, if we quarrel, she doesn’t leave very quickly, but I, seeing that we communicate normally, began to believe that the conflict had been settled. Although it was necessary to calmly discuss everything. And just before the New Year, she says that maybe she should get a divorce. It was said after the celebration of her corporate party. Earlier, in the heat of emotions, such conversations also arose, but then everything seemed to calm down and life went on. This time in the morning, instead of calm conversations, we again talked on emotions and went to congratulate her parents on the holiday, then returned, and the next day she said that she did not understand why she had returned. This time we discussed everything quietly and peacefully, even made some decisions: we are getting pregnant, discussed issues of life, rest, etc. But this was not a discussion of our problems in general and point by point, but only some global things were mentioned (although, apparently, it was worth focusing on everything). In general, we talked. And we began to prepare for the new year. Met with friends. In the morning, she said that she wanted to go to her parents and live with them (who were leaving the city for the holidays), and left. In the evening I called and agreed that she would return in the morning. She returned with the words that since I do not want her to live alone all the holidays, she will go with her parents out of town. I tried to discuss everything with her, all the moments that did not suit us, said that let him go and return after the holidays. The answer is no. When she returned, she stayed with her parents, she refused my requests to meet and talk. A couple of days ago I asked to meet. At the meeting, she said that she wanted to discuss how to pick up her things, come with a truck and take everything at once, she didn’t want to upset me, she wanted to gradually take it out herself. I'm not ready for this, to take away in parts when I'm not at home, I still want it. I tried again to convey the idea that it’s not worth ruining everything like that and that we need to discuss our problems and try to build a life based on what was said. Answer: no. I don’t want any relationship with you, I don’t want to try, even if there is a chance that everything will be fine, I don’t want to use it either. He does not discuss the situation with his parents at all, he only says that he wants to be alone. I understand that now it is better not to touch or annoy a person. I try not to write or call. Last week I handed over flowers, then congratulated me on the Old New Year (after all, this is my beloved wife). I have no idea what to do. She is now doing very well, she says. Which is true, I do not swear, I do not scandal, no one makes claims, etc. At the meeting, she said that she already had boyfriends (which is not surprising, she has a well-paid job, a good car, they thought about moving to a new apartment). Yes, I was jealous of my friends, of work, I was doing something wrong. But in her own words, this time was a lot of good. But for now, only the bad things are remembered, unfortunately. I love her very much. All my washing and actions have always been based on the fact that we have a family, that I have a beloved wife. What to do now I can not imagine and do not understand. If you don’t disturb her and let her figure everything out on her own, will I miss the time? But I also don't want to let it all go. It is impossible to just take and order yourself not to love a person. She continues some contacts with our mutual friends, but she also answers any questions from them that she has made a decision, and that there is no point in discussing with me that she will return, since she has already decided everything. Give, please, advice how to be in the given situation.
One of the hardest things about a breakup or divorce is when the person who used to be the center of your universe no longer wants to be a part of your life. And the worst thing about this, besides the pain of parting, changing habits, circle of friends, material and emotional components, a picture of the world and plans for the future, is when you remain suspended in the air, not being sure whether or not to wait for him back.
However, knowing for sure that your ex does not want to return, you should move on, no matter how hard it is. If you don't, you'll end up spending a lot of time in fruitless and woeful waiting while your ex freely enjoys his new life.
Here are 10 signs that will help you understand whether reconciliation is worth counting on:
It's okay if he doesn't respond a few days after the breakup. Maybe he just needs time and space free from you in order to think and make a decision. However, if after weeks and months he doesn't bother to "see" your messages and never picks up or calls back, even if you call every day, then it's clear that the person doesn't want to communicate with you anymore.
It's usually hard to get things back after a breakup if you still love the person, because that means letting them go forever. That's why if your ex gives you back what you gave him, returns the photo and your personal things, it may be a sign that he has already let you go.
If after a few weeks or months you are still doing everything to get him back, but he doesn't seem to care about it, then you better stop. You are only wasting time. If the person still wants you back, they won't ignore you for a long time because they can't take the fact of breaking up with you for granted.
When a person gets tired of a relationship, he does not want to continue it. So, if your ex tells you that he is tired of you, then accept this fact and then stop pushing for a meeting. You better give him a place and time to rest: if the reason is only fatigue, a break from each other can help both you and him rethink your relationship, and make a final decision.
Usually, if you are welcomed and recognized in your boyfriend's or husband's house, you become part of the family. Therefore, whenever the two of you fight each other, they will tell you about reconciliation. They will even bring you back to reconcile. However, if the family is already cold to you this time around, it might be because your ex has made it clear to them that he doesn't want to come back anymore.
If your ex still loves and wants to take care of you, then he will be dying to see you again. However, if after several of your invitations for lunch or coffee, the ex does not agree to a meeting, then he is not interested in returning to you.
What about random collisions with each other? If your ex seems unperturbed and not happy to see you after a few weeks or months of separation, then this means that he does not want to hear from you or see you anymore. If a person is still not indifferent to you, then the moment of the meeting would be especially emotional for him.
Even if you have already broken up, but your ex still loves you, he will not want you to suffer. No one loving man will not do anything that would completely alienate you, because he still hopes for reconciliation. However, if he's already dating someone else, and especially if he's doing it in public, it means you were just not aware of the infidelity. And then you already know for sure the answer to the question of whether to wait for your ex back or not.
Similarly, if your ex doesn't seem to care that you've already found someone new, then he's no longer with you. If he still loves, he usually expresses anger or bitterness directly or indirectly. He can stand up to the opponent and can even make you and him understand that he wants you back.
This line of behavior is a cliché commonly used when "kicking" someone out of a relationship. Usually this excuse is used by a man to free himself from the guilt of hurting someone. Someone who truly loves their partner will do whatever it takes to earn that person's attention. So, if your ex keeps using this trick on you every time you try to get back with him, you need to understand what his words really mean.
If the breakup was not a loss for your ex, then it shows in his behavior. Yes, it's normal when he misses you, but if he seems to have calmed down without you, then he may think that breaking up was a good decision. You can see this if he doesn't look tense, gloomy or lifeless - common signs when a person is going through a difficult time.
If you notice at least half of the signs listed above, then do not harbor illusions: he will not return. Believe me, everything will still be fine, and life does not end when the love for you passes. There are many more reasons to keep going. Don't focus on your loss. Instead, be grateful for the attentions you receive and appreciate the people who continue to be with you.
Question to the psychologist:
Hello, my husband and I lived together for 6 years, he is 7 years younger than me, and now he is 27, and I will be 34 soon, we have a 3-year-old daughter. For a year before leaving, we constantly quarreled and argued literally about everything. I was freaking out on maternity leave - household chores, caring for and worrying about a child who was often sick, boredom, routine and a husband who came home not to me, but to the sofa and TV. She kicked him out herself, but naturally with the subtext of "change behavior." As a result, 4 months ago, he left, on his own initiative, with the words that I was so mellow, bad on all sides and that I crushed the man in him. To which I replied that he crushed the woman in me and I was just a horse that pulled everything on itself, solving all the issues, he didn’t delve into anything. Then, it turned out that he got himself a woman, however, they hung out for 1-2 months and fled, now a free guy is hanging around everywhere. And I have a lot of complaints and grievances against him, but for the most part, with regards to the child. She doesn’t want to see her or look (although in the words of a super-dad) she reaches out to him, and at that time he is texting on the phone and stuff like that. I tried to explain the child should not suffer and feel the love of the pope, in general, I put pressure on the father's conscience, he seems to agree, and then scores again. He left us, I was unemployed, I was looking for a long time, so that the schedule would allow me to take the child, he only paid alimony, did not ask how we were and what, he paid for registration at all every other time, even though he knew that I was not working. I called him home 3 times, I thought he might go crazy, said that once he left, it was forever. He personally told me that he would never help at all, although as they parted (I may be out of guilt) I tried to support him, help him change with work (contact is not extended to him). feed somewhere, and he treats me like an annoying fly. I don’t understand anything at all, I feel sorry for the child, I feel sorry for myself and him too. A deep understanding of how you can leave and forget about everything. Our relationship started with Great love everyone was jealous and I don’t understand how we lived to this point. I still have feelings for him and a lot of resentment, but that doesn't help. During this time I have lost weight, become prettier, I want a strong shoulder, but disappointment in men directly kills the desire to communicate with them, still low self-esteem. I had a lot of faith and trust in him. I wanted to improve relations, but after constant refusals to help with the child (for example: we agreed that she would be picked up from kindergarten, because I don’t have time at work, I think at least some kind of help, I took it for 2 weeks, and then said, more precisely before I put it as a fact that he will soon go to his brother to help build a house, I say how to pick up a child, and he asks for time off at work, and I have a job with a private trader, they can expel everything and how he feeds, the next day he said that he would not go and reproach started, allegedly I didn’t let him go), I was already so angry that I called and said that I would go where I want and when I want, that if I can’t help, then I don’t need to, that I wouldn’t come at all simply, otherwise I’ll say, that he died. This, of course, I went too far, I’m just already in such despair that my work is not stable and there’s really no help, and I’m always to blame for everything. So tired, how to live, I don’t know, really despair covered. Of course, I myself am largely to blame, when I get angry, I carry anything, but is it really impossible to help while the child is small and the work is like that. Despite the fact that the child was born long-awaited. And at least he had a good day. How to be in such a situation? It already seems to me that I am somehow not like that, if I had finances, I would be like consultations. Probably, something is wrong with me, I wanted one family for the rest of my life, and that's how it all happened.
Good day, Olga. I apologize for not answering for a long time.
In fact - you are beautiful) I can assume from the letter that they are very temperamental and honest - frank. This is your charm in a good sense - a person who is nearby will never receive a "knife in the back", and you will be free from bad thoughts about a person - you do not carry them with you (you said it and freed yourself). Accordingly, there is less ground for back pain. And the second side of your honesty - it touches the other person to the quick. To be offended or not, to change or not, this is the decision of another person. And for that - another person, it's hard to accept your truth, it's hard to change, it's hard to withstand criticism.
Olga, you Strong woman, you fuse with everything (although it’s not hard there, but you can handle it!). Therefore, there is no space for your husband to manifest himself. He feels that next to you he goes out. And rightly, sincerely, he said that you crushed the peasant in him. You have become this man. Olga, this is only yours: fortitude, the desire to change something. How?
1. Breathe deeply, accept the situation as it is. Stay in it with feelings, not thoughts, running around (it’s necessary, it’s difficult, I don’t have time). What do you feel: weakness or strength? A sense of pride "I'm done - I can cope" or fear, powerlessness, panic? What feelings still overcome? Write down these feelings. And already from this the further direction of your actions will be clear.
Indeed, in fact, you yourself kicked out your husband for a long time, and, perhaps, without understanding this (because it is customary that the family should be complete, when a woman lives on her own - this is "ah-ah-tea"), you have long decided to bring up daughter and become a super woman. And that's okay. If this is natural for you, more comfortable than with your husband, whom you pull, with whom you quarrel, then just accept yourself and your life like this.
If you want to live "like everyone else, with a complete family", and even with this person, you will have to work, grow wiser and learn to trust yourself, life and men.
2. If you have decided to live as a complete family: write a letter of forgiveness to your husband (it is not necessary to send, send, the main thing is to write out your feelings). Write with feelings, write everything that lies in your heart. At the end of the letter, remember and write words of gratitude to this person (for 6 years, in addition to the negative, there was something pleasant, and the husband’s departure itself is also a start to some changes).
3. Learn to trust the world (and there are different people in it, which means learning to trust competently both women and men: to believe in their good qualities, intentions and let go of situations when a person does not live up to your expectations).
4. Olga, work on your self-esteem and confidence: lost weight, got prettier - super! What about the interior filling? How has it changed, is changing every day? Praise yourself for every step you take in life: plan, live in pleasure (it is in communication with your daughter, and in household chores, and in hobbies, and at work - have time to track and drink).
5. Olga, know that the child will feel good when the mother is calm, strong and self-confident. This builds the child's confidence. Yes, a father is needed, but suffering and feelings of guilt that he is not with you will not make the child feel better. Understand that your relationship with your husband is yours, and your daughter and dad have their own. She will accept him for who he is. The main thing is that she understands that he is and loves her (believe me, he loves! It’s hard for a man to come to his daughter when he realizes that he lives separately, it’s hard for him to see her and understand that he left her). Give your husband time for this (3 months, a year - each is different). Yourself, when talking with him, praise him for the smallest and greatest deeds, achievements, avoid condemnation and criticism, say that his daughter loves and waits for him, regardless of your relationship with him.
Olga, strength and wisdom to you. Everything will turn out the way you want. How do you want it?
Sincerely, Your psychologist - Ladatko Marina Georgievna.
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After all, despite its thousand-year history, man, as he was, and remains, in his biological essence, a predator. Well, killing for a predator is a completely natural thing. The husband left and does not want to return 40-year-old Vitaly left the family a year ago, but all this time he maintained friendly relations with his wife. She took him to see a psychologist. He justified himself that a mistress, of course, is better ... but his wife is his own, like a sister or mother, and that he cannot delete her from his life. And most importantly: he was so used to her food and evening tea with lemon! The unlucky spouse resembled a "Pavlov's dog", which is connected with the owner only by instincts. In such situations, most often, wives do not give up and strive with all their might for further growth and self-development.
You can't stop looking after yourself. Otherwise, a woman will lose self-respect, and this is fraught with certain negative consequences. In most cases, shopping acts on the fair sex as an effective psychotherapy.
Regardless of whether he returns to you or not, you need to continue to live on, especially if you have joint children. Psychologists advise a woman to take care of herself, her appearance and self-improvement.
Visit a beauty salon, change the image, hairstyle, clothing style. Find a new passion or hobby. Go on a trip, learn to draw, or, in the end, go on a diet if you have long had a desire to lose weight.
Attention
Now you have a great opportunity to devote time to yourself and your children. Become more attractive and sexy than ever, and you will see how men turn around after you.
Info
However, it is quite possible that after some time, former spouse will begin to notice flaws in the new passion, and suddenly, he will notice you surrounded by other fans. Surely the owner will wake up in him, and the desire to return to an attractive woman in all respects.
Unfortunately, for many women, the question of how to survive the departure of a husband for another is incredibly relevant. If the husband went to his mistress, then something really did not suit him. The psychology of the stronger sex is such that a man never goes nowhere. First of all, emotional contact is lost, and uncertainty about the partner's feelings appears. As a rule, after some time after parting, a decision is made to leave. It's just that he can't listen to the same reproaches anymore, to live through repeated situations.
Self-esteem Unfortunately, many women forget about this elementary concept. They devote themselves entirely to a man, so that later they have to pay with the departure of their husband to his mistress. The fact is that men can not stand when they are trying to control.
Psychologist's advice for women how to get a man back
Why do men leave women? Psychologist's advice for women on how to return a man Give a signal that what he left from (scandals, for example) will never happen again, and even more so this negative one no longer exists! (You can say: "I will never again ...").
Life Knowledge Forum The purpose of this site is to bring together professional psychologists, enthusiasts from various religions and spiritual practices in order to help people who find themselves in a difficult situation. We, all together, will collect here the most understandable and necessary knowledge for life from all areas of psychology, spiritual texts and teachings.
Attention: Our forum is moving to the Raminform forums. We ask everyone How to return a loved one And even if you find coincidences between your behavior and the reasons why your husband leaves home, this is not a reason to be upset. I will even say the opposite: the fact that you have revealed these mistakes is already your victory.
This is a step towards rebuilding the relationship. To fix something, you first need to know the location of the breakdown. So if you can't find mutual language, the result will be endless scandals and squabbles.
How to return a husband home Relationships in families develop in different ways.
And rightly, sincerely, he said that you crushed the man in him. You have become this man. Olga, this is only yours: fortitude, the desire to change something.
How? 1. Breathe deeply, accept the situation as it is. Stay in it with feelings, not thoughts, running around (it’s necessary, it’s difficult, I don’t have time). What do you feel: weakness or strength? A sense of pride "I'm done - I can do it," or fear, powerlessness, panic? What feelings still overcome? Write down these feelings. And already from this the further direction of your actions will be clear. After all, in fact, you yourself kicked out your husband for a long time, and, perhaps, without understanding this (because it is customary that the family should be complete, when a woman lives on her own - this is “ah-ah-tea”), you have long decided to bring up daughter and become a super woman. And that's okay.
But each time it was an occasion to reveal love in oneself again, in a new way: non-attachment, claims, resentment. But just love. Each of us let go of the past - and we met again to walk together again.
But in order to take a step forward - you need to reveal love, not holding evil, not pitying yourself, not blaming each other. And for this you need to accept what happened - and move on. Of course, it is not easy to accept something in which we do not see the point if its departure cuts off our desires and hopes. Life stories: Men leave and return which is connected with the owner only by instincts. In such situations, most often, wives do not give up and strive with all their might for further growth and self-development. Therefore, they will think 100 times: am I ready to take back this goodness? At first, husbands who have gone to their mistresses are held back by passion. And then an irrepressible longing for the former home wakes up in them.
And when he comes, give it to him, that is, stop doing what you did before the break. But, and if a man or a guy went to another, then you need to wait.
Wait and change yourself. In order to change, you cannot first change your behavior, you need to change your attitude and learn to manage your feelings, and in this you should be helped by a psychologist at a psychological consultation. PILLS for stupidity or something about life, about love, and a bit of simple chatter. The figure is probably not so good already, you have to go to the gym. Skirt, I haven't worn a skirt in a long time! No, I must have forgotten how to cook.” And so from morning to evening you carry out your brain with questions to yourself. And it turns out that you are just a nightmare, that you can’t go anywhere with you, you are stupid, ugly and fat, you don’t know how to cook, and in general everything is bad.
Then financial problems began due to his fault, and I did not miss the opportunity to poke his nose. She became ill herself, and was hospitalized several times a year. ... he was smart, took care of me and I am very grateful to him for this. But the situation did not improve, but worsened more and more .... he began to go on business trips, came home at night, in the morning or did not come at all, said that he had drunk with friends and stayed at work. I fought with him, but then we reconciled. As a result, we moved away from each other.
After another stupid quarrel, he left and took the things. I have a few things left, mostly winter ones. And nothing more.
We haven't seen each other for almost two months now. We rarely communicate even if I call him or write on viber. I told him that I love him and I really need him, asked him to come home. He said that he did not want to return and that he was not attracted to me. Lives in an apartment, I'm at home with the kids. Helps with money.
Ekaterina Author of the postGood afternoon! My husband and I lived together for 5 years. of them tried to get pregnant for three years and we succeeded. before pregnancy everything is just fine. and flowers and compliments, once a year went to rest. there was an apartment, a car. next to him, I felt the happiest. he had a child from his first marriage, and although the relationship with his first wife ended before me, his relatives did not accept me. he communicated with the first child, I did not interfere, but I myself did not take part in this communication. when our child was born, my husband constantly began to linger at work, then letters of promissory note from banks began to arrive.
did not work with the child. then I ended up in the hospital and when I was able to return home, I found love correspondence in his phone with another woman, I forgave him. then bailiffs seized his salary. all this time I tried to talk to him, but he only says that he doesn’t know how it happened and everything will be fine, you are my best and all that. and when his son was 1.5 years old, he said that the mother of the first child left him and he wants him to live with us. At first I refused, but then I decided to go forward. but he said that he found another woman and she understands him.
somehow I managed to survive the betrayal on his part. I don’t have any relatives in my city, I always take care of the child myself, only alimony comes from money. thank you mom helps. he met with our child 2 times and said that he would not come again. He said that he will understand everything when he grows up.
Dear psychologists, your advice is needed: how to cope with the fact that we were betrayed, and most importantly: what and when and how to explain to a child? when he asks where is dad, when other kids ask him where is dad. when we pass a psychologist, how to behave there. whether it is necessary to teach him the name of his father. I am very worried that the child will be teased. how to make sure that the child does not have complexes and emotional experiences about this. at the moment I am single, my child is now 2.5 years old. Thanks a lot
feedest.ru
After all, despite its thousand-year history, man, as he was, and remains, in his biological essence, a predator. Well, killing for a predator is a completely natural thing. The husband left and does not want to return 40-year-old Vitaly left the family a year ago, but all this time he maintained friendly relations with his wife. She took him to see a psychologist. He justified himself that a mistress, of course, is better ... but his wife is his own, like a sister or mother, and that he cannot delete her from his life. And most importantly: he was so used to her food and evening tea with lemon! The unlucky spouse resembled a "Pavlov's dog", which is connected with the owner only by instincts. In such situations, most often, wives do not give up and strive with all their might for further growth and self-development.
Important You can't stop taking care of yourself. Otherwise, a woman will lose self-respect, and this is fraught with certain negative consequences. In most cases, shopping acts on the fair sex as an effective psychotherapy. It must be remembered that the other woman, to whom the spouse left, is not better, she just got in his way. You need to make an effort to cope with the situation and survive the mental turmoil. Feeling your own irresistibility will give self-confidence, dispel fears and doubts. Hobbies What occupation can give a person moral satisfaction and help him survive a personal tragedy? This includes personal hobbies. If a business brings tremendous joy, regardless of the size of material income, then it is really useful.
Regardless of whether he returns to you or not, you need to continue to live on, especially if you have joint children. Psychologists advise a woman to take care of herself, her appearance and self-improvement.
Visit a beauty salon, change the image, hairstyle, clothing style. Find a new passion or hobby. Go on a trip, learn to draw, or, in the end, go on a diet if you have long had a desire to lose weight. Attention Now you have a great opportunity to devote time to yourself and your children. Become more attractive and sexy than ever, and you will see how men turn around after you.
Unfortunately, for many women, the question of how to survive the departure of a husband for another is incredibly relevant. If the husband went to his mistress, then something really did not suit him. The psychology of the stronger sex is such that a man never goes nowhere. First of all, emotional contact is lost, and uncertainty about the partner's feelings appears. As a rule, after some time after parting, a decision is made to leave. It's just that he can't listen to the same reproaches anymore, to live through repeated situations. Self-esteem Unfortunately, many women forget about this elementary concept. They devote themselves entirely to a man, so that later they have to pay with the departure of their husband to his mistress. The fact is that men can not stand when they are trying to control.
Psychologist's advice for women how to get a man back
Why do men leave women? Psychologist's advice for women on how to return a man Give a signal that what he left from (scandals, for example) will never happen again, and even more so this negative one no longer exists! (You can say: "I will never again ...").
Life Knowledge Forum The purpose of this site is to bring together professional psychologists, enthusiasts from various religions and spiritual practices in order to help people who find themselves in a difficult situation. We, all together, will collect here the most understandable and necessary knowledge for life from all areas of psychology, spiritual texts and teachings.
Attention: Our forum is moving to the Raminform forums. We ask everyone How to return a loved one And even if you find coincidences between your behavior and the reasons why your husband leaves home, this is not a reason to be upset. I will even say the opposite: the fact that you have revealed these mistakes is already your victory.
This is a step towards rebuilding the relationship. To fix something, you first need to know the location of the breakdown. So, if you do not know how to find a common language, then the result will be endless scandals and squabbles.
How to return a husband home Relationships in families develop in different ways.
And rightly, sincerely, he said that you crushed the man in him. You have become this man. Olga, this is only yours: fortitude, the desire to change something.
How? 1. Breathe deeply, accept the situation as it is. Stay in it with feelings, not thoughts, running around (it’s necessary, it’s difficult, I don’t have time). What do you feel: weakness or strength? A sense of pride "I'm done - I can do it" or fear, powerlessness, panic? What feelings still overcome? Write down these feelings. And already from this the further direction of your actions will be clear. Indeed, in fact, you yourself kicked out your husband for a long time, and, perhaps, not understanding this (because it is customary that the family should be complete when a woman lives on her own - this is “ah-ah-tea”), you have long decided to bring up daughter and become a super woman. And that's okay.
But each time it was an occasion to reveal love in oneself again, in a new way: non-attachment, claims, resentment. But just love. Each of us let go of the past - and we met again to walk together again.
But in order to take a step forward - you need to reveal love, not holding evil, not pitying yourself, not blaming each other. And for this you need to accept what happened - and move on. Of course, it is not easy to accept something in which we do not see the point if its departure cuts off our desires and hopes. Life stories: Men leave and return which is connected with the owner only by instincts. In such situations, most often, wives do not give up and strive with all their might for further growth and self-development. Therefore, they will think 100 times: am I ready to take back this goodness? At first, husbands who have gone to their mistresses are held back by passion. And then an irrepressible longing for the former home wakes up in them.
And when he comes, give it to him, that is, stop doing what you did before the break. But, and if a man or a guy went to another, then you need to wait.
Wait and change yourself. In order to change, you cannot first change your behavior, you need to change your attitude and learn to manage your feelings, and in this you should be helped by a psychologist at a psychological consultation. PILLS for stupidity or something about life, about love, and a bit of simple chatter. The figure is probably not so good already, you have to go to the gym. Skirt, I haven't worn a skirt in a long time! No, I must have forgotten how to cook.” And so from morning to evening you carry out your brain with questions to yourself. And it turns out that you are just a nightmare, that you can’t go anywhere with you, you are stupid, ugly and fat, you don’t know how to cook, and in general everything is bad. Then financial problems began due to his fault, and I did not miss the opportunity to poke his nose. She became ill herself, and was hospitalized several times a year. ... he was smart, took care of me and I am very grateful to him for this. But the situation did not improve, but worsened more and more .... he began to go on business trips, came home at night, in the morning or did not come at all, said that he had drunk with friends and stayed at work. I fought with him, but then we reconciled. As a result, we moved away from each other.
After another stupid quarrel, he left and took the things. I have a few things left, mostly winter ones. And nothing more.
We haven't seen each other for almost two months now. We rarely communicate even if I call him or write on viber. I told him that I love him and I really need him, asked him to come home. He said that he did not want to return and that he was not attracted to me. Lives in an apartment, I'm at home with the kids. Helps with money.
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Hello! It is clear that if a person does not want something, then it is not possible to force him! But, after analyzing the reasons that provoked his departure, the reasons for your disagreements, the reasons for changing relationships, your mistakes, you can try to change the situation. To do this, you will need to reconsider your behavior, your manner of communication so that he wants to return to you, but not to the one he left, but to the one he fell in love with, whom he married !!! Those. you need again, but in a new way, to attract the attention of your husband! He loved you when you got married, he valued you, your relationship, which means that knowing all his feelings, all his addictions, his habits, character, etc., there may well be a chance to renew the relationship! However, then it will be necessary to build relationships, as if from scratch, in a completely different way !!! It will definitely be necessary to take into account the mistakes of those relationships from which he left and try not to make them again !!! It is better to work on yourself and solve the problem, it is better with the help of a specialist who will help you emotionally cope with the problem, help you understand how best to “approach” changing the situation in order to solve it faster ... In any case, do not despair, waste your nerves, but you should take care of yourself, take care of solving the problem, i.e., act! All the best to you, wisdom to you, calmness, fortitude, willpower and good luck!
You need help, support, advice, have questions - contact me, I will help and answer questions!
Sincerely. Miroslava
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Why did it happen that you became a second mother for him, who tries to protect him from everything, to make a remark in time, if you need to reprimand? Busya36 №19 | Makhmudova Anna Leonidovna wrote: Why did it happen that you became a second mother for him, who tries to protect him from everything, to make a remark in time, if you need to reprimand? I began to be afraid that he would get into trouble and be imprisoned again, I thought if I keep control, then nothing will happen Busya36 №20 | Busya36 wrote: And I'm always jealous for no reason. Makhmudova Anna Leonidovna Psychologist, Family psychologist
And he told his mother that he would cool down and return home to me, and today he writes an SMS to me, I won’t return my things, give me back, I don’t want to live with you, don’t think I don’t have anyone, but there’s no way back. To which I replied that I was wrong and began to apologize, but he doesn’t want to put up with me in any way. He asks for his things, how should I be, I don’t want to disperse, is it really because of this that people disperse? Makhmudova Anna Leonidovna Psychologist, Family psychologist
Perm 66 consultations №7 | Busya36 wrote: It was two days ago, his sister came to visit us, and I got angry and said that it was time to go to bed for the gatherings. In general, he told me that I was tired of him constantly moving the roof to him, he was tired of living like that and that's it.
Attention
Perm 66 consultations №29 | Busya36 wrote: Quite right, but he thinks differently. In this regard, I have the following question for you: If you try to object to him in this, will it be considered as a personal insult? Busya36 №26 | Busya36 wrote: №27 | Makhmudova Anna Leonidovna wrote: №30 | Makhmudova Anna Leonidovna wrote: It's good that you started talking about it! Try to understand why you are afraid of this? What is the worst thing that can happen if you offend him in some way? At best, he says don’t ask me for anything more, at worst, he starts freaking out and yelling, and when he yells, I shut up and don’t answer him. Then he says that everything is fine, like I was joking.
You see, I always protected him and helped in everything. He was sitting with me at one time, I was waiting for him, I went and supported him. Then, after my release two years ago, I began to control him, I was afraid that I would not get into trouble.
I know that it’s my own fault, that’s why I want to figure out what to do next Busya36 I have the impression that he doesn’t value our relationship, he can calmly go to his mother after a quarrel and be there until I myself start to return him to apologize, even if not me guilty. Makhmudova Anna Leonidovna Psychologist, Family psychologist
Perm 66 consultations №14 | Busya36 wrote: I have the impression that he does not value our relations, he can calmly go to his mother after a quarrel and be there until I myself start to return him to apologize, even if it’s not my fault. Do you have children? Makhmudova Anna Leonidovna Psychologist, Family psychologist
Perm 66 consultations №11 | Busya36 wrote: We have been married for 18 years, we have a daughter, we have a good relationship with relatives, my relatives treat him well, there are scandals about once a month, usually I start a scandal when I find out that I am deceiving even in small things, well, for example, I will hide the money find and start or rudely say something and I start. In the family, I don’t even know who is in charge, I think we are on an equal footing. I am also very jealous, although I did not give a reason. We can’t talk about what has accumulated, when I started talking about painful things, my husband immediately said, you think up all sorts of nonsense and move the roof on me. That's how it all happens Irina, your relationship with your spouse is more like a child-parent (mother and son) than a female-male. What do you think about it? Busya36 №12 | Makhmudova Anna Leonidovna wrote: I also thought about it.
Then, when he says that he was joking, I’m offended and I can see it’s all saved up in myself, and then during a quarrel I pour it all on him, only not in the eyes, but by SMS on the phone. It’s very important that you clearly tracked this and defined your emotions. Busya36 №37 | Makhmudova Anna Leonidovna wrote: It is very important that you clearly tracked this and defined your emotions.
