There is an opinion that a man needs a child while a woman is needed. The couple broke up, the father disappears forever from the lives of children or appears so episodic that he becomes more of a mythical creature than a real person.
In other cases, a man takes care of children after a divorce, the death of his wife, and in others he takes care formally, providing money, but not participating with his living presence.
Why are the situations so different? Let's try to figure it out.
A man is not interested in a child after a divorce, does not communicate with him, in the most extreme case, he disappeared from the life of his child.
The fact is that the formation of fatherhood is a more complex and mysterious process than motherhood. It is important here how the relationship of a man with his father developed, his own worldview and his relationship with his wife. There can be many doubts, worries, a desire to step back, to say: “Yes, this is a woman’s business - to raise and educate children, why am I needed here? "...
Fatherhood, like motherhood, implies some personal maturity, a willingness to sacrifice one’s interests for the sake of a small creature, to show strictness, consistency when it grows up and much more, where the main thing is to be responsible for the transfer of spiritual values, for the development and formation of the child’s personality and, of course, providing the child with everything necessary for his life.
A man enters into a relationship, first of all, with a woman. And not every man has an interest in relationships with children, especially small ones. A man can communicate with them only through his wife. After work, the wife enthusiastically tells what happened to her and the child during the day, what grades the child received at school. The father listens pleased, and that is where the interaction ends. And the mother is pleased that he does not interfere.
It is especially difficult for fathers and daughters, there are few common topics for conversation, different worlds. It is almost impossible for some men to find a point of intersection with their daughter. At the same time, he can wait for years that it is she who should take the first step and build at least some kind of relationship with him.
During a divorce, if the father did not have a relationship with the child, if he did not join the child at one time, did not fall in love and did not become attached, there is a very high probability that the contact between them will be broken. “A woman is no longer needed, a child is not needed either” will work here. In this case, you should not count on his help and participation.
Sometimes the father remains at a great distance. Then, during a divorce, he will provide for him, but not communicate. This is a functional father, an ATM. But an ATM can also worry and get bored, not knowing how to approach a child.
It also happens that the father did not love his child. And this is also some given that you have to deal with.
If the father is involved in a relationship with the child, they will be important to each other, regardless of whether the parents are divorced or married. Often, growing up, children themselves go out to their fathers and sometimes really establish relationships themselves. In any case, a person with a healthy mind will always be in adolescence I wonder who his father is.
In addition to the father's own difficulties in building a relationship with the child directly, there are serious obstacles on the part of mothers, grandmothers and other close relatives.
Even in marriage, it often happens that a woman herself spoils the relationship between father and child, knocking a man out of his father's role. Intervenes, controls, becomes an intermediary between him and the child, using maternal power over the child and female power over the man.
In practical action, a woman can humiliate her husband in front of her children, fighting for power with him. Constantly prove his insolvency, incompetence, create in him the feeling that he is doing everything wrong, that she, and only she, knows how to treat their child. A man will feel superfluous, unnecessary in the "mother and child" dyad, and most likely in marriage too.
When the child grows up, the woman will create a coalition with the child against the father, where the man will be the enemy, who spoils their lives for all and makes the mother unhappy. Spending a lot of time with his mother, the child will unconditionally believe her for many years to come, if he does not have a direct relationship with his father, where is that living person. At the same time, a relationship with a father for a child after a divorce can become a hellish test, because it will be a betrayal of a forever offended mother.
About how important it is for a child to maintain a relationship with his father after a divorce, I wrote here. And I will write more, because In work, even with adult men and women, the theme of the father always arises, the image of the father, which is then projected onto other people. And if the father in the mind of the child is “a monster, a goat, a brute, a scoundrel,” then one must understand how difficult it is for a woman to build her harmonious relationships with men, and young man identify with men.
In working with children, if their parents are divorced, then a small step on the part of the mother - sharing impressions about the ex-husband as a bad husband and the impression of him as a father, not so bad, helps to reduce aggression, anxiety in children, especially boys . The opportunity to see, communicate with the father and recognize him as not so bad has a positive effect on the child's psyche, on the formation of a positive picture of the world and himself in this world.
An important topic is the feelings of a man, a father, when he misses his child after a divorce, wants to see each other, and his wife, out of revenge or other feelings, prevents this.
Here, a man needs a lot of patience and conflict resolution skills. Overcoming your own grievances and claims against your ex-wife. In the desire to sit at the negotiating table, a mature paternal position can manifest itself, when a man understands that he is not only attached to his child, but also very important for his baby.
We are accustomed to sympathize with women after a divorce: they raise children alone, beg for alimony, try to establish a personal life. And men, well, well, they just pay alimony, some do not pay, well, they just take the child to the cinema at best. But I want to listen to them already, the divorced fathers, and to listen to them - the grown-up children of such fathers. And I want to figure out who has more rights to a child after a divorce and more responsibilities. And how should the relations of the “former”, forever connected by children, develop.
My ex-husband and I have an eternal dispute: who has more rights to the child. During the divorce, the child stayed with me, and her dad thinks that this is unfair. I believe that, of course, the mother has more rights: she spends her health and time on bearing and feeding. Pregnancy is a risky biological enterprise, childbirth is even more risky and painful as hell. More responsibility, participation and risks - more rights. This is logical. When you learn to bear and give birth, then you will demand absolute equality. But sometimes it seems unfair to me that my daughter spends her weekdays with me, and goes to have fun with her dad on the weekends. It turns out that mom is everyday life, and dad is a holiday. When she becomes a teenager, I, perhaps, will agree that she moves in with her father for a year. Let him realize 100% both the rights to it and his duties. Although, maybe it makes sense to send her to him for half a year earlier. For him to experience the joy of fatherhood with driving in kindergarten, hospital, walks in the evenings instead of beer with friends and dates. It is unlikely that his new women will like this, they will run away.
In general, I told myself this: you are a man and you must understand that until you start dictating your own rules, nothing will change. I am married for the second time. The daughter from my first marriage loved my second wife very much. They have it mutually. The first wife cannot calm down from this. And soon the second child will be born. Only money turns out to shut up the flow of unreasonable dirt and insults. More precisely, the lack of money. That is, only alimony. The tougher, the faster and more trouble-free it works. And best of all, when the alimony is not more than two thousand rubles - then she is ready to listen.
My children stayed with their father after the divorce. We arranged everything well: I live next door. My ex-husband- a very reasonable person who sincerely loves children and does everything for them. But the first two or three years after the divorce were still very difficult. Want to take a walk with the children - ask permission. I ask. It is forbidden. And why? Not your business. But I understood what was happening to him, and although I cried about this, I did not betray my feelings and continued to communicate with him calmly, I never fought, I communicated with the children as much as I was allowed, and qualitatively. The further, the easier. No one can influence my relationship with children. My relationship with my ex is business.
I say this as a child of divorced parents. I had a wonderful dad, I adored him. But he drank, from time to time he went into a binge. And when it "blows" - you can't guess. And now I remember the beautiful thing from childhood: dad regularly forgot to pick me up from the garden when it was his turn. Or, during my dad's vacation, I spent part of the time in the "cafe", depressingly eating one hundred and fifty ice cream, while dad drinks beer. No, he also took me to the zoo, but then it's still ice cream. So you remember, and it is quite understandable that some women do not want to let their child go to the father for a cannon shot.
I "ransomed" my child. Did ex-wife an offer that she could not refuse - bought her an apartment in exchange for the fact that her son would live with me. And now we live with my new wife and son, the three of us, and she visits the child, takes him on vacation with her, etc. You know, work was always very important for her, and it seems that in the end everyone was satisfied with this situation.
I'm not divorced and I don't plan to, everything seems to be fine with us. But divorce scares me. It's the behavior of the fathers that scares me. In almost all families, the parents of which divorced before my eyes, the fathers do not need children. And poor mothers don’t do anything so that the child does not feel abandoned. And they remind you of a birthday in advance, and they buy gifts themselves. And dads start new families or it’s not at all clear where and with whom.
I was 12 when my parents were on the verge of a divorce: quarrels every evening, scandals, and at night, when my sister and I were already sleeping, my mother could run into our room, pull both of them out of bed and yell to dad: “Here, remember them! Because that you see them today for the last time! I honestly didn't understand why. I do not justify my father - he acted insultingly towards my mother, but neither then nor now I could understand my mother and I cannot. I remember how I cried and asked her: “And what have we got to do with it?”
I don't understand why fight for children. It is biologically justified when the mother of children clings to their father. If she does not hold on, then his desire to take them away is an atavism. My good friend, when he got divorced - of course, he looked like, whined, his wife also blackmailed him with a child. And then he married another woman, they also had a common child. And that’s all, he doesn’t remember the first child at all, he only transfers alimony. Why live in the past?
I have such a problem: my wife and I divorced last year, they now live in another country with their child. We agreed that I would Skype with my daughter once a week. It was like that for a couple of months, but at some point we had a fight with my wife (it became very difficult to maintain relations with her), and after that communication stopped. My wife replies to my questions that "the child does not want to talk to you." I have the impression that my wife somehow became indifferent to what kind of relationship I have with my daughter, and whether they will be at all. And I don't understand how to force it. And it’s sad that, apparently, I will communicate with my daughter once a year, when I myself will come to them, to their country. I'm afraid my daughter will forget me. But I sat with her for up to three years, while my wife worked.
My ex-wife does not want me to meet with the child, this is possible only in her presence. And I can't and I don't want to. The conversations did not lead to anything, I had to go to court. Now I am collecting various certificates - that I am not a drug addict or an alcoholic, that I have a living space, that I am sane - in order to be able to see my own child. Men, children need to fight. You need to extinguish emotions, calm down and go to court, and not exchange your own child for money and gifts, humiliate yourself.
My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage, we love her very much, but his ex does some strange things. I changed the father’s number on the child’s phone so that she couldn’t call, allegedly breaks our gifts (tablets, phones) by accident, doesn’t let her come to us with an overnight stay, “pulls” her out of the joint weekend. In general, an unpleasant situation, and every time an attempt to meet turns into a circus performance. It's sad that children are being manipulated.
It seems to me that the worst thing in a divorce situation is when children become some kind of weapon, a way to take revenge on an ex-husband or ex-wife more painfully. I was recently told that my husband sued ex-wife daughter, taken to another city, does not allow to communicate, settled in a separate apartment with changing nannies (so as not to become attached), is suing for the removal of parental rights from her mother and is going to change her daughter's name. It's really scary. Or another story - the husband paid alimony to his wife for 12 years, unofficially. I paid regularly, everything was fine. But then they quarreled, and she said: I will go to court and collect from you for all these 12 years. Can not be so. It is impossible for children to be drawn into some kind of war.
Honestly, I would like my husband to have no children at all. But he has two of them, and he brings the youngest into our family all the time. I also have a child from my first marriage, a daughter. But this is his feeling of guilt before the child ... It always seems to the husband that he does not give him enough, that the child is deprived. As a result, I feel like a function: I cook, wash, wash, iron. If we take children out somewhere, then I am again a function - children need to be entertained with conversations, their problems must be solved. We do not spend time alone, we are always with the children. The husband is constantly busy with his son, all his free time. I don't have enough of it. And I don't know what to do about it.
I love my daughter. But I really don't know what to talk about with her. We are complete strangers with her now, two years after the divorce from her mother. It so happened that this time I did not communicate with my daughter - the ex-wife was hysterical, intervened, and I spat, I decided to wait until she calmed down. And now two years have passed, she calmed down. Now no one bothers me to communicate with my daughter, she is already 11 years old. But I don't know what to talk about with her. On the phone, we have pauses, I painfully search for a topic. She answers in monosyllables: "hello", "yes", "yes", "good", "thank you". Tired of the weather. How are you? She replies it's fine. Scary, really.
It seems to me that in the matter of communicating with a child after a divorce, it is very important for a father to maintain or establish a good relationship with his mother in the first place. Because if the child is small, then it depends on the mother whether communication will take place - especially if you often have to communicate via phone or Skype. For example, a child is 3-6 years old. You call, he may be busy with some kind of game or food, and before the conversation he needs to be prepared, interested: “Here is dad calling, come up, tell him what you did today. Tell me what kind of dog you saw today,” etc. And for this you need a mother who can prepare him and interest him. Otherwise, all communication becomes boring for both you and him. You ask him questions of little relevance to him, he answers sparingly through force.
I should go to a psychologist. I catch myself seeing my ex in my daughter. My daughter is seven, but they are very similar. And so this manner of twisting her mouth infuriates me, and shrugging her shoulders somehow disgustingly, and in general, her whole figure, the shape of her legs - all this, after our terrible divorce, wildly infuriates me. And it infuriates that my daughter is a copy of this bitch. And what to do with it?
After the divorce, it was different for us, but now, I think that everything has worked out. Three years after the divorce, we have the following: I live with my girlfriend, my wife got married again and lives in the same entrance on a different floor. I bought an apartment specially closer, it was our decision. We are all in perfectly healthy civilized relations: we visit each other, a couple of times we even went on vacation together. The people around, of course, are horrified when they hear that we do not fight, do not insult each other, do not ignore, do not set up hostile children, do not forbid them to communicate with new partners of dad and mom. But for me, everything is just fine with us. If I bring the kids to practice, my ex-wife or her husband picks up, and it's convenient for everyone. We share cars with each other if someone has a breakdown. If someone needs to go to the doctor or somewhere else, the children stay with those who are free at that moment. In general, let's live together and treat each other kindly - the children will only get better from this.
If someone had told me this in my 20s, I wouldn't have believed it. I wouldn't have believed it at 30 either. But now I'm 41 and I understand how cool it is to have a son. As it is necessary for a man. I see how my deceased grandfather, through me, also takes part in education - I carry his educational principles, his stories, our common fishing and hunting with him. My son also goes fishing with me, I teach him to make a fire - according to the method of my grandfather. I tell him how much I love him. I have never spoken so much about love to any woman. I did not care so much about any woman, I did not polish my shoes, I did not cover at night. I didn’t take anyone’s analyzes to the laboratory, I didn’t read aloud to anyone, I didn’t print out anyone’s photos on an A2 printer and I didn’t hang them over my bed. Only he, my son, my only son. I even washed his diapers on his hands when he was little. And now I know how to guess his desires - it's not difficult at all. I even get a fever when he has the flu. Sometimes it seems to me that we are communicating vessels, there are two of us, and there is no place for a third. Of course, he has a mother, and I have a wife. But she is somewhere not in our system, she is somewhere nearby, but not with me. And I will never divorce her, because my son needs a complete family. My son has the right to a complete family. Everything will be the best for him.
In the last month I have received at least five letters with the same question. Why does the father of my child not love him and does not want to take part in his upbringing? Rather, the questions were formulated in different ways, and the circumstances of the writing girls are also different. Someone’s husband completely forgot about the child after the divorce - and he doesn’t remember about meetings, and about alimony; someone the guy left after the announcement of pregnancy; someone accuses the ex-spouse of being much more passionate about the son of his new passion than his own. There is one thing in common: a man lives and enjoys life, and he is not at all interested in his child.
I have reason to believe that the girls were waiting for a recipe to put men at fault on the true path, or at least sympathy and understanding. “Oh, the fate of women is hard. All men are goats, for sure.
I understand and I sympathize a lot. But I don't have a prescription. As well as the desire to stigmatize the men described. Because fatherhood is a very complex matter.
“I can’t understand,” one girl writes to me, “how can you not love this little creature - warm, tender, your little blood? How can you not feel all its charms? How can you not want to raise your son, heir, teach him everything you know, open the way to the big world for him?
“Yes, dear girl. Unfortunately, you can not feel all this and not want to. For you, your son is an absolute value. You will give everything you can for him. You can watch for hours how he sleeps, sniffs and blows bubbles. And your man may feel completely different. You see, he may not feel ANYTHING for the child at all! Not because he is a bastard and a scoundrel, but simply because he is - and nothing can be done about it.
Let's dot the "i". I do not justify men who run away from pregnant women and evade alimony. In no case! If a child is born, both parents should be responsible for it. It's about something else.
Many women really sincerely do not understand how one can not feel for a child what they themselves feel - tenderness, love, a desire to be near. Angry, offended, scolded, blamed. But everything is very simple. Do you think I will write now: men are from Mars, women are from Venus? 🙂 Eh, no. It's just that all people are different. Priorities are different, desires and plans.
There are men who, from the very birth of a child, treat him with trepidation - they play, pump, bathe, walk, rejoice at small and big successes. So he began to hold his head, that's the first time he turned over, and hurrah! the gases are gone, the tummy no longer hurts. Pierre Bezukhov, I remember, admitted with pleasure that his palm, as if on purpose, was fashioned under the back of a baby 🙂
There are men who begin to really take an interest in children when they grow up a little. That's when you can talk heart to heart with your son and daughter, play football or play the guitar and watch with pleasure how they grow up.
Others, leaving the mother of the child, throw him out of life. “Children are, of course, good. But they will never compare with what you have with your beloved woman.
And someone, on the contrary, will give everything in order to be able to be close to their child. Because parting with him is like losing a part of the body. And for him, love / dislike for a woman will never cross out what was and is in relation to children.
There are men who do not want children at all. Not ready for fatherhood. Neither to his joys, nor to his difficulties. Remember, which only by the age of 60 was ripe in order to have children? And he might not have matured. And there is nothing wrong with that! It is his business and his choice.
Another question: the man is not ready, but the child still appeared. Well, let him be responsible. But to demand all-consuming love for a baby is stupid. Maybe she will come. Or maybe not.
Actually, where am I going? - to the one, that Do not waste time not fruitless experiences and non-constructive questions.
Did the man leave you with the child? - demand from him what is required by law. Do not ask yourself and others - why, why does he not love his child? Why doesn't he want to be with him? He doesn't want to, period. The child is not included in the list of his priorities.
Do not console yourself with hopes that someday he will “understand”. But it will be too late...
It seems to you that, not communicating with the child, he robs not so much of him as of himself - it's so great, it's so amazing to undead, raise and teach your child. Maybe it is. But for now, these are your joys. He chose others.
Just close the chapter. Smile and remember that the world is big. It has you, your wonderful baby, and a lot of different people. Including wonderful, kind and loving children of men (pictures of the latter below :))
When Natalia was six years old and her sister Dasha turned four years old, they, along with their mother, were forced to leave their home in the city of Pokrov, Vladimir Region: “From birth, we lived in a house that belongs to my father’s mother, my grandmother. When my parents divorced, my father in an ultimatum demanded that we immediately move out, although his mother owns several apartments, and we had nowhere to go. We were kicked out of our home."
All these years, neither father nor grandmother was interested in the fate of their granddaughters. Alimony was also not paid. Formally, dad was listed as unemployed all these years, although he actively worked "in black", doing repair and construction work.
“Some fathers forget that the concept of “alimony” comes from the Latin word alimentum, which means “food”. Thus, by paying alimony, the father must ensure the nutrition of his offspring and the satisfaction of their most important needs,” the philologist and single mother draws attention. Hope.
“Even in the animal kingdom, males take care of their offspring. This is an instinct laid down by nature. But human beings sometimes behave worse than wild animals!” - my interlocutor exclaims with bitterness and indignation.
From a formal point of view Anton, the ex-husband of Nadezhda, does not evade alimony. But he pays the allowance for two children of three and five years in the amount of two thousand three hundred rubles. According to the documents, Anton is listed as a store security guard with a minimum wage of 6,900 rubles.
But such a modest official income does not prevent the 33-year-old man from regularly posting colorful photographs from vacation tours to exotic countries on social networks. For two years, the guard has already managed to visit the Dominican Republic, Thailand, Cuba and even the distant island of Madagascar.
But even for modest birthday gifts for his children, he did not have financial resources ...“Of course, those who do not pay alimony and hide their income should be dealt with by both the investigating authorities and the tax inspectorate. But I would, first of all, pay attention to the psychological climate in society, ”says family consultant Natalya Golovanova. She is convinced that the problems of alimony cannot be solved without changing the deep psychological attitudes that have taken root in Russia.
Indeed, despite all the changes in recent years, a significant part of Russians continues to believe that raising children is a women's business, a women's prerogative. A man who abandoned his children to the mercy of fate, unfortunately, does not cause public condemnation. Employers, when hiring a new employee, do not even ask divorced applicants whether they help their children, whether they participate in their fate.
"Everyone should be held accountable for their actions," he says. lawyer Stanislav.- I am a man, but in matters of alimony - completely on the side of women. More than 3 million Russian children are eligible for these payments. More than 2 million receive NOTHING. Hundreds of thousands of mothers are content with minimal, beggarly amounts ... This is a shame for Russian men!
Stanislav believes that women themselves are partially to blame for this situation: “Often, new wives of divorced men demand that all the money be invested in a new family. Such “ladies” do not even think about the financial situation and the psychological situation of the ex-wife and children. But you can't build your happiness on someone else's misfortune! Whoever abandons one family may also do the same to the next.”
“Russian realities would not be possible in any Western European country,” shares his opinion landscape designer Ksenia who lived in Italy for many years. - Firstly, Western European men pay alimony not only to their children, but also to their ex-wives. Moreover, these payments are for life. In a divorce, the financial status of a woman should in no case worsen. Secondly, if a man ceases to take care of children after a divorce, then he will be in complete isolation. His own family and his friends turn their backs on him."
Former Petersburger Anastasia, now living in Berlin, notes that after a divorce, many German couples continue to share parental responsibilities: for example, part of the week the children live with their father, and part with their mother. Children's rooms are equipped in the father's and mother's houses.
“When a cuckoo mother leaves her children in the care of a father, it becomes an occasion for publication in the media. Such mothers are actively condemned by public opinion ... In similar situations, fathers may not be afraid of public condemnation or even just a public discussion of their behavior. They are not afraid to lose their social status. Until this situation changes, the problem of alimony is unlikely to be solved,” Natalya Golovanova makes her verdict.
I think that many men forget about children after a divorce for several reasons: either they were not yet ready for fatherhood and responsibility, or because the negative from the relationship with their wife was transferred to the children.
Yes, and physiology "helps" - according to research, during a surge of hormones, women literally deceive themselves, claiming that the most aggressive boors are more suitable for the role of the father of a child than calm "normal" men and even naively believe that such men are able to change under the influence of the family. Therefore, it is important for a woman to decide what kind of man she wants and for what - family or drive? Unfortunately, in most cases these are different people. The human body produces oxytocin, or, as it is called, the attachment hormone. It is he who, at the physiological level, is responsible for the fact that when the passion between a man and a woman passes (usually after a year or two), they still remain together.
But if you are still in the process of choosing, then remember the main thing - do not hope that you can change a man. Yes, there is a possibility that over time (after 35-40) it will change, but this is unlikely to be your merit.
Only if he wants to, and even then, most likely, he will become different in other respects. But, at least when your righteous anger is directed at your ex-spouse, please remember that you are also responsible for what happened . It was your choice - you yourself chose this man, were with him and gave birth to a child from him. When divorcing, try to make your relationship as formal as possible from a legal point of view - the amount of assistance, the number and frequency of meetings, sanctions for non-compliance and T.
e. During a Divorce How the divorce proceeded will have a significant impact on how good or bad relationships will develop in the future.
And an attempt to patronize a stranger, moreover, without his desire, looks somewhat strange;
Attention
Is it worth maintaining a “good relationship” for monetary gain or career advancement? Probably not. Imagine how your former man, realizing that it is simply being used? And do not be surprised if he answers you in a rather harsh form or completely stops answering annoying calls with offers to “chat”.
Attempts to manipulate will lead to nothing good.
Info
And in order not to experience this pain, both the mother and the child are deleted from life. At forums and consultations, I sometimes come across such remarks from women - “this soulless brute does not pay child support, for years he does not even remember the child.” And this is said in the hearts, and it is felt that it is also not easy for a woman in this situation.
Few people manage to calmly survive such a drastic change in life. Many women ask the question: why does the ex-husband not want to communicate.
Why the ex-husband does not want to communicate: possible reasons The most reasonable understanding of the problem is that both are to blame for the divorce.
What to do: We all change.
But how long will he endure such emotional pressure and feel constantly guilty? Guilt is one of the most difficult experiences for any person. Therefore, we usually try to either atone for guilt, or, if this is not possible, we leave from there and try not to remember. By punishing her ex-husband in this way, the woman forgets that the child suffers too. What is more important for her - her grievances or the joy of a child when communicating with dad? Often men move away from former family precisely in order to less often communicate with his wife.
And since it is she who stands between him and the child, meetings with him are also becoming less and less. If the ex-husband is drawn to the children - do not interfere, do not impose your bad attitude, do not blackmail or punish the man through communication with the child.
Try to separate and not confuse your attitude towards your husband and the child's feelings towards his father.
It is also now more difficult for a father to come to a former family where another man has appeared - his role becomes nominal and he feels like a complete stranger. Now he is almost completely removed from the process of education and finally moves away. It is important to remember that no matter how wonderful a stepfather would be, he will never be able to take the place of his father. Don't try to swap them. The child must love or respect your new partner.
But at the same time, he should always have a place in his soul for dad. Time puts everything in its place - when children grow up, most of them try to find their father.
It is a deep and natural need to "come" to the person who gave you life. After all, “it doesn’t matter what they then had with their mother - the most important thing is that they once met, loved each other, and as a result of this love, I was born.”
Men will have fear and insecurity about fatherhood and success in family life and women have wrong expectations and attitudes towards men. Take a close look at how relationships developed in your man’s family and in what conditions he grew up.
Analyze your female model - is there a good place for a man and a father in your family model? Assess how men's and women's responsibilities are distributed between you. Women want a strong, reliable man nearby who can take care of them.
But, unfortunately, they often wishful thinking and confuse - strength with aggressiveness, confidence with narcissism and arrogance, freedom with irresponsibility. The beauty of "brutal men" is that they seem strong by ignoring the rules and doing what they want.
Yes, it can be interesting with them and a woman is flattered that it is "she is the only one for him, so strong and independent." But to what extent is a child and caring for the family included in the circle of interests of such men? Be attentive to the little things and try to soberly assess your chosen one - responsibility is visible in everything - how a man treats his duties and fulfills his promises to other people, pays loans, etc.
e. If he easily ignores his obligations, most likely, over time, the same will be true of you. Moreover, women are not really to blame for this mistake - one can understand the attractiveness of such men against the general background.
Even more do not go for a divorce, so as not to lose them and so that "a strange man does not appear next to me." And in many respects such fears are justified. If a woman has not come to terms with the situation, has not let her husband go and continues to live in her grievances, then the child becomes for her an ideal tool for manipulating a man. With his help (I will allow you to communicate or not), she can control, manage and punish a man. Everything he does is taken for granted, but not enough (whatever you do, you will always be to blame and you will never atone for your guilt). Support and signs of attention are not appreciated or even rejected (we don’t need anything from you), the wife constantly demonstrates her displeasure. Yes, this is how you can take revenge on a man so that he “feels bad too”.
