I immediately apologize if my problem seems far-fetched (sometimes worse, 100 percent), but for me it is important. I am 31 years old. An apartment, a car and other benefits of civilization have been earned, in general a good career has been built. A little over a year ago I got married. But now I am very much tormented by the fact that it was, in my opinion, a big mistake. My husband is very good, kind, caring, with his own shortcomings (and who doesn’t have them?!), but I don’t feel comfortable living with a family ... I get very annoyed by everything. It seems to me that I do not know how to love (endure, adapt, "build a family"). Conversations about divorce are popping up more and more often ... It already seems to me that this is some kind of game "who wins ..", but this is wrong! To my arguments that I want to live alone and everything is still ahead of him, he only says - I am your husband and I love only you and we will be together, I will make you happy, etc .. Etc ... I see how he tries. And I even evaluate it in my own way from the outside (oh, what a fine fellow he is!), But I don’t need all this. I want to live alone. It has already reached apathy ... We live like neighbors (I tried to extinguish this desire for loneliness and tried to adapt, but loving people do they live like this? I conclude that I do not love him as a man. I love you as a person). But most importantly, I don't want to love anyone. Not only him... And I don't care if it's right or not. They didn’t tell my parents anything (why upset. They were so happy at the wedding for us ... They adore my husband), but I’m ready to tell them already ... Why should I “stuff” my Wishlist somewhere ... One life and spend I'm tired of her to fight... First, study, career, apartment..now family... Tired of everything. I want happiness. But I see happiness in the fact that I will live alone with a cat / dog (I don’t want people next to me). I'll be really good. Background before the wedding, if it helps: from 22 to 28 I was in cohabitation with another person (dragged everything on myself, waited for the call to marry, loved / tolerated / built a career / ennobled the house), but then a petty quarrel with his mother put I packed my things and left ... I suffered that he did not follow me (but there his mother tried to steer everyone), and then ... Then she went into a career. She worked like a wolf for about a year. Suitors appeared .. and even the former came with a "ring / knee". But I was no longer interested .... But then my future husband... he was very persistent ... and in every possible way entertained / sought me out (and in the end, all my friends / relatives nodded in his direction from such a fairy tale - this is him! He!! Loves !!! Wants a family !! Everything for you And it's time for you to get married already, because you are old!!.. And in the end, he is upset and I am sure that I love him (I saw your eyes, you are happy!! Etc ..), I am in apathy "We are both suffering. Parents and friends don't know yet. I know that only I am to blame! But what should I do in this situation - I don't know!??! I'll be glad for advice. that from the very beginning everyone was expecting children (and we too), but the "stork" flies by. And I don't want children anymore! - confusion in the head.
Hello. Maria. I suppose so. If his mother managed the first relationship, then the guy was dependent and infantile. it’s easy with someone who is worse than you. Now the man is worthy and correct. Mature. And you are not used to such warmth and gratitude. reaction-indifference to him, dislike. And unwillingness to have children. With him, you will have an unconscious threat of being abandoned, because, unconsciously, you are worse, and he may be disappointed in you. Yes, you can leave. , and, probably, you need to live for three years alone. But I think it’s important to work with a psychologist. To overcome the mess and discover your inner fears of failure. As soon as the unconscious fear of a man disappears, you will become comfortable in a couple. But, not now. Ask for help if you decide. I can help.
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist of the psychoanalytic school Volgograd
Good answer 7 bad answer 6Hello Maria!
You have the right to live the way you feel comfortable. If you want loneliness now, then it is important for you to get it and enjoy it to the fullest. Only then will you be able to either finally affirm that you are a loner, or consciously want a family and a child. Otherwise, you will still spend all your strength and energy on striving for loneliness.
But a few years ago you were ready to live in marriage. Perhaps the desire to live alone is a defensive reaction against the pain you experienced in previous relationships. In addition, you need to deal with your emotional program, laid down in childhood, in the parental family. It follows from your letter that you are attracted to "mama's boys", and devoted, loving, caring men do not cause strong feelings.
Finally, everything can be sorted out only at an individual consultation. If you need help, come.
Stolyarova Marina Valentinovna, psychologist-consultant, St. Petersburg
Good answer 7 bad answer 0Hello Maria!
Of course, you have the right to live as you see fit. It is felt from your message that you are successful and quite confident in yourself. But if this did not bother you, you would not have written here. live, you are worried.
You write:
It seems to me that I do not know how to love (endure, adapt, "build a family")
But in every woman initially, nature has a huge supply of love, which she gives to loved ones, relatives, children, acquaintances, neighbors ... And when she knows how to do it and does it, it comes back to her ...
One gets the impression that you do not want to live according to "gender", so the following appeared in the list of your achievements:
An apartment, a car and other benefits of civilization, in general, a good career has been built
A man appeared nearby who loves you, but you feel with him as if on an equal footing and in a male role:
It already seems to me that this is some kind of game "who wins ..", but it's wrong!
Everything that happens in our life happens for us, these are our lessons. A lesson has come to you on the ability to love, give, give warmth, attention, affection and care. And for this, mental strength is also needed. Building relationships is hard work. Building relationships from the female side is a daily and round-the-clock work.
Maria! You don't have to blame yourself. You have the right to decide how to live. If there is a mood, listen to lectures by O.G. Tosunov about happy family life, R. Narushevich about the relationship between a man and a woman (they are freely available).
Love to you and wisdom.
If you need help and desire to understand, please contact us for advice. I will be happy to help you.
Psychologist Nikulina Marina, St. Petersburg. Consultations in person, skype
Good answer 7 bad answer 2Maria, have you definitely decided that the family should look like this? Those requirements that you make to yourself - are they exactly what your family needs? Have you become a hostage to your own nit-picking and someone else's picture of family life?
I tried to extinguish this desire for loneliness
A person needs loneliness and personal space in marriage too. You just need to talk about it with your partner and decide how much time you need for yourself and your loneliness. Who told you that a family is when people are constantly glued to each other? When glued, it's an addiction.
Have you ever just lived the way you wanted to? Perhaps you often force yourself to follow some goals, and perhaps you even need these goals, but they could be achieved more calmly, more slowly, with less demands on yourself, as they say, "without driving" .... Who forces you all the time to chase after something and something to match? Constantly run and live in tension?
Family is a place where a person can be himself. Think - what exactly does your husband not accept about you? Or maybe you yourself do not accept it? You force yourself to conform to the image of the "ideal wife", but you do not like this image in your soul. And that in the family you can be yourself - they did not teach this. And it turns out "or be perfect and drive constantly" or "burn it with all the blue flame, I want to be always alone." And the middle in this can be, what do you think?
And I don't care if it's right or not.
Perhaps everything that is happening now is a protest against correctness, against "as it should be", etc.? But it doesn't have to mean "quit everything". I think you should first figure out where you have inside "how it should be", and where "how I want", and perhaps in your "how I want" there will still be a place for relationships.
Think about how all these "right" things form in our heads: http://psyhelp24.org/choice/
and in every possible way entertained / sought me out (and in the end, all girlfriends / relatives nodded in his direction from such a fairy tale - this is him! He!! Loves !!! Wants a family !! Everything for you !!! Yes, and it's time to get married already, because age!!..
If you understand that you got married only under the pressure of the family and that very “correct” way of life, then yes, you are unlikely to be able to live with this person for a long time and seriously, because it was not YOU who chose him, but someone for you.
And one more thing: the stumbling block may be the fact that from the very beginning everyone was expecting children (and we too), but the "stork" flies by. And I don't want kids anymore! (I wanted to, I don’t want to ... horror!)..
Perhaps you also wanted children because it was “right”, but as soon as it started to fail, your psyche nevertheless began to show you that in fact there is no such desire yet ...
In general, this mechanism is quite well-known: first, a person is instilled with "how to live correctly", he begins to believe in it, and then conflicts begin inside: it seems, he lives "as it is right", and instead of joy, there is only pain and suffering inside .... And it turns out that you need to find out what you need.
And to find out, you need to learn to listen to yourself.
http://psyhelp24.org/kak-nauchitsya-chuvstvovat/ - how feelings are involved
http://psyhelp24.org/dushevnaya-bol/ - how people drive themselves into a corner with plans and expectations
http://psyhelp24.org/mne-len-ya-ne-hochu/ how to distinguish your "I want" from someone else's "must"
Perhaps you, having realized yourself at least in the first approximation, look at your marriage differently. Or maybe you decide to stop playing a role if there was nothing else besides the role.
I just want to say that personal space does not imply a rejection of relationships, and the relationships themselves are built only the way TWO want and no one has the right to impose on them how to be a family and what rules to introduce there.
But with whom and when you will build such a relationship in which nothing will "strangle" you and you will feel like yourself and be free - this, apparently, only you yourself can decide.
Sincerely, Nesvitsky A.M., skype consultations
Good answer 8 bad answer 1Relationships alone do not guarantee you happiness, and loneliness does not guarantee trouble, of course, if you treat it adequately. This, as you might have guessed, in this article will not be about the absence of acquaintances and friends or about the orphan complex. Not at all! It will be about the most important evil on the planet - about men. Any communication with them implies a priori problems: He is not there - you are sad, He is - it is difficult ...
The fact that a man is absent from your life can be found a huge number of positive aspects. You just need to want. So He's gone, and...
Now, finally, you can do things that have been putting off for a long time somehow later. Now you have the same sacramental “free evening”. You can no longer rack your brains in the morning picking up clothes so that you don’t lose face on a date and that you feel comfortable and comfortable in it at work. You can no longer carry an arsenal of war paint in your purse in case He drags you to a restaurant. You can relax with a clear conscience and wear the clothes you want, and not to satisfy other people's aesthetic needs. It's so great to be yourself!
Now you can finally sleep in your favorite pajamas with bunnies - bear cubs - sponge-Bob, and not in a cold silk nightgown. Now you can spread out on the bed as your heart desires, or even throw your foot on the second pillow. Everything is just for your comfort! And no one is snoring!
On the weekend, you can sleep as much as you like, you can lie in bed for a long, long time without jumping up to bring coffee to the missus and urgently build breakfast for two people. You can, with a clear conscience, bask in a cozy nest of pillows and blankets. The nest can be strewn with magazines or books, or (oh, horror! A man should not see this under any circumstances!) Soft toys. You can get up and wander around the house with a hairstyle on your head "I fell from the hayloft" and nothing. Nobody will say anything.
You no longer need to be upset that he no longer calls or writes SMS. You no longer need to puzzle your poor head in search of an answer to the question "Why is the called subscriber's phone turned off or is it out of network coverage???" Now you no longer need to think that the nasty voice of an aunt reporting that the subscriber is unavailable is an insult to you beautiful.
Now you can finally go to the laziest self-service cafe and order the biggest second breakfast, which, as a man thinks, simply cannot physically fit in such a charming young lady like you.
You can afford to eat after eighteen zero zero and score on exercises. Or, on the contrary, you can do yoga or go on a diet, and going to a restaurant with Him will not distract you from it. In a word, the state of your body concerns only you. If you want to lose weight, lose weight, or if you want to, then calmly get better. Nobody will say a word to you.
Lily - 47. She is very similar to her name - emphatically feminine and independent. However, this is now. The path to independence turned out to be very difficult for her and began with a complete misunderstanding on the part of all close people.
For a long time I could not understand: well, why is everything like that? After all, I did everything right. Just like you've been taught since childhood. For centuries, it would seem, a well-established scheme. So, as advised by a person with a degree in psychology - and he knows what he is talking about! Why does it work for everyone and not for me? It took a few years before I realized that I was just a little different from most women. Very little.
I never doubted that a woman needs a family. I grew up in an environment where they adhered to a traditional view of relationships, so from the very childhood I had no doubt that I would definitely get married, give birth and raise several children, and be a good wife and mother. This is how my parents lived, and in general everyone in our environment. And, I must say, they lived well. Children grew up in complete families, women felt protected and confident in the future, men raised toasts to their beautiful wives and reliable rear during any family feast. In a word, everyone was fine.
I got married in the same way as most of my peers - in the last year of the institute. Now it's funny to say, but, from the point of view of my parents, it's too late, already at 23 years old. Mom was seriously afraid that I would remain an old maid with a diploma. By that time, I had already experienced one painful love and from the height of this “experience” I believed that I knew absolutely everything about human relationships, and I was sure that I certainly did not need passions. Quite consciously I was looking for a reliable person for the family. My future husband seemed exactly like that, despite the fact that he was a few years younger. Mom supported me. She liked to repeat the words of one of our relatives: "The most unhappy families are those in which the wife loves her husband." Of course, I wanted love, but I wanted happiness more.
When I got married, I reassured myself that I would endure - fall in love, but I was lucky - I didn’t have to endure it especially. It quickly became clear that I chose the right husband - he really turned out to be responsible and caring. Such a person is easy to love. I won't lie that he carried me in his arms. But he loved and respected - no doubt. And, probably, if there was another person next to me, family life could end very quickly. And so - we tried to do everything together. When sons were born one after another, they turned to grandmothers only in extreme cases. After all, this is our family - we ourselves are responsible for it. Together at home, together for a walk, together on vacation. They broke up just leaving for work.
I tried hard to be perfect wife, that is, the same as taught in the parental home. After all, what happened with the girls then: they certainly brought up smart girls and always beauties so that they could successfully marry and get a good job in life. But now - the goal has been achieved and it turns out that you, of course, are obliged to be smart: read books, follow the news and novelties, and in all areas at once, but at the same time you must cook, clean, wash, it is also desirable to sew and knit to save the seed budget . This same budget also needs to be planned and it is desirable to learn how to save. A husband should be pleased with unfading beauty, it is extremely desirable to be a good lover, and at the same time remain a good professional - who needs a home-made chicken, even if it is beautiful. And most importantly - with all your talents, shut up in time and leave the last word to your husband. Be silent, endure, ignore. You understand - female wisdom! And then a good family is guaranteed to you. And if she's not good enough, then it's up to you. Work on yourself, communicate less with girlfriends and less often do stupid things, such as your own hobbies. Try, otherwise you will be left alone!
Let me tell you right now, I didn't do very well. After the birth of children, I, being a very ambitious person, nevertheless realized that I would have to forget about my career for the time being. At best, postpone these plans indefinitely. You know, some of the reasoning about how easily and perfectly the family is combined with career ambitions makes me smile. These people either did not have a family, or did not really make a career. I didn’t either, but I still managed to become a well-paid professional. Then I noticed that I began to read several times less. Instead, she was constantly cleaning and cooking, washing, decorating. And now the hands themselves began to reach for simpler books. Or even to the pillow. The eldest son is three, the youngest is a year old - lack of sleep, of course wild.
And then, when the situation had already leveled off, I suddenly noticed that I was used to constant restrictions. Moreover, my interests in the family are far from the first. The rhythm of life is subject to the children's schedule. The menu - again, mostly what the boys love and the husband eats. Well, what kind of man will be full of vegetable soup or stewed eggplant? And he is a breadwinner - he needs it. Cooking two options - steal time from yourself. The choice of the program on TV was again given to my men: “You still won’t watch it, you’ll run away around the house!” And the truth is, I don't watch it. Even the clothes are not the ones I like, but the ones that are comfortable or the way my husband likes them. It turned out to be a paradoxical situation. Trying to be perfect, I accustomed my family to the fact that I am a secondary person here. At the same time, I couldn't really complain about anything. We didn't have any special emotional intimacy. My husband and I weren’t frank, we didn’t lisp, but we knew that we would always support each other. The husband is happy, he spends the evenings with his family. And if there are any intrigues, then firstly, I don’t know about it, and secondly, what family can do without it. It should be easier! Children are healthy, happy, parents are respected, everyone goes to three circles. So what else do you want?
When the children were old enough, my stay-at-home husband decided on a big man's trip to visit relatives in Astrakhan. The south, the sun, the Volga delta, fishing... Gathering my men on a trip, I kept trying to cry and gradually fell into despair. We spent 13 years together, parting literally for a few hours. And how now? After seeing off the family, for the first time in her life she took a sedative at night. And in the morning, out of habit, she got up, and suddenly realized that this could not be done. It is not necessary to wake up at 7 o'clock, it is possible at half past eight - as my personal schedule allows. There is no need to boil oatmeal and fry an omelet, you can limit yourself to a few cups of tea.
No, you can have oatmeal and scrambled eggs, if I want, of course. If I want... Shock! I got up and ... cooked this unfortunate oatmeal. Then she went back to sleep for an hour. In a word, in these two weeks, I had an unimaginable amount of free time before. Can't say I spent it wisely. Mostly sleeping and walking. And in the remaining hours she behaved at home, like Bobik visiting Barbos. The stove in the kitchen was covered with dust. There were a few tomatoes and a piece of cheese in the fridge. Some books were piled on a nearby pillow. It was not men's socks that had to be collected from room to room, but their own. But all my things were exactly where I left them. I ran to meet my family at the station. But the idea that loneliness is not the end of the world at all settled in my head.
The second call came when the eldest son was already serving in the army. I went to a friend in St. Petersburg. A pleasant female company gathered, and I was the only one who was deeply family. The rest were either divorced or raised children on their own. One of our friends' husband, as it turned out, adhered to some super-democratic views on marriage - a matter for the northern capital, maybe normal, but almost impossible for our small town. We were sitting on the balcony with a beautiful view of summer St. Petersburg, our friends were chatting about trips, new projects, planning some kind of meetings. And I was suddenly pierced by a feeling of my own unfreedom. It even seemed that for a few seconds the sounds ceased to exist.
I don't belong to myself. Before I do anything, I will think twice How will this affect my family, will it be convenient for them? Take a ticket and in two hours go, for example, to Moscow - it would seem, what could be easier? Not for me. And then I thought seriously. Of course, I heard about the guest marriage, but only now I thought seriously. I found out that, for example, 10% of British couples live this way. Europe, of course, is not a decree for us, but maybe this will suit me personally? Feeling the support of 10% of these unknown Britons, I began to think a little about reorganizing my life.
I didn't even think about divorce.. Almost 20 years of family life, and a very good one - well, who in their right mind would sacrifice this for the sake of some illusory freedom? But this, you know, feeling-a ghost of "home alone" visited more and more often. My husband didn't irritate me. We never really fought. But they could, for example, not talk for days without experiencing discomfort. Both worked hard, came tired, almost did not communicate. The eldest son came from the army, the youngest went to university - they needed independence more than family dinners and intimate conversations. This did not console, of course, but I understood that this was the right thing to do.
One day I plucked up the courage and suggested to my husband: “Let's live separately. Not for long, a month or two." "In terms of?" he asked. And after a few minutes I regretted that I started this conversation. Because it has become infinite. My husband immediately explained my desire with an affair on the side and tried to find out the details for a long time. Explanation "I don't have a lover, I just want to live alone!" he called it ridiculous and implausible. Men in general hardly imagine that a woman can go to someone else, but just like that. Unfortunately, my husband is no exception. I tried to explain that I did not want to leave, that we would see each other regularly, I would cook, wash and clean if he wanted it. I do not want to leave at all, they are my family, whom I love. I just need more personal time and space than family relationships can provide. "For what? For your boyfriend?" he asked, and everything started all over again. I must say that my husband is a very intelligent person, and, it would seem, broad-minded. But the idea that a woman may need time not for someone, but for herself, did not fit even in his head.
It became an obsession to return to my apartment, where it is quiet and does not smell of anyone but me. On the way to shop for a pot of lettuce, a few oranges, and a bag of regular black tea—because that's what I like and nothing else—and not to be speculated about my lack of refinement. Wash off my make-up, put on yoga pants, not think about how attractive I look. Sitting in the evening with a book or watching two or three good films - it turned out that so much was filmed and written during my family life. Go to sleep alone, in your bed, where no one will drag off the blanket and go to smoke in the window in the middle of the night. Wake up when it's convenient for me and drink coffee for an hour, looking out the window. Gathering for a visit two hours, or even three, if it's convenient for me. To stay at work without feeling remorse, and without explaining anything to anyone. The first thing my husband thought about was that some novels didn’t appear in my thoughts at all. Too tired to adapt to someone.
Her friends were horrified: “Lilka, how are you without a husband? When you leave, what will be left for you? Romances with married people? I tried to explain that romance with anyone else was not in my plans. I just want to live alone. I am very interested with myself - with my thoughts, plans and even problems. I want to live by my own rules. And, in the end, “living alone” and “being lonely” are still different things. I have wonderful children, no less wonderful parents, a husband who, no matter how the situation develops, will remain the main man of my life, because he is the father of my children. I have friends, wonderful colleagues with whom it is interesting to work. Why does a woman's life necessarily have to rest on some kind of relationship with men, and not in their best version?
"Lily, you're crazy!" mom said. And I heard about the spent 20 years, the responsibility to the children, the duties to the husband. I had to remind that the children already live separately, and the eldest is with a girl. The youngest is studying and working. And the husband is actually an adult and capable person. Even a small boss, at work, commands others. And I don't leave anyone in sickness and poverty. I am ready to listen, feed, wash, cure at the first request, but at the same time I want to live alone. Mom, of course, did not quarrel with me, but this was the first fundamental issue in my life when our views diverged.
I decided not to tell the children about my desire until the last. I thought that I would suddenly endure it, get overwhelmed, put up with it - why worry them in vain. And if I have to, I'll tell you, of course. Yes, this is cowardice. But I was afraid that for them it would mean only one thing - the separation of their parents. And no matter how independent they are, the gap is still painful.
I felt guilty in front of everyone. After all family atmosphere depends on women. And since I want to live alone, and not like all normal people, and I can’t convey to my husband that it’s worth at least trying, it means, “Doctor, what’s wrong with me?” The doctor, that is, the psychologist, explained to me about my emotional immaturity and tendency to promiscuity. It’s not that I don’t know this word, but at home I checked the dictionary just in case. My husband did not share my indignation with the diagnosis. “You understand, it's indecent if a woman lives separately from her husband. Okay, if a man wants to live alone - he's a man! I heard. And then something clicked in my head, and everything fell into place. That is, if he offered me to live separately, I would have to obediently pack my things and leave. Or pack a suitcase for him and wish him every happiness. And that would be good and right. But since I suggested it, I have to listen to endless accusations of the devil knows what and constantly justify myself. Such details suddenly become clear after more than 20 years of family life. She didn’t start to make a fuss, cry, and generally continue the conversation. I just opened the Internet and began to search for the “Rent an apartment” section.
It was a nightmare year. The husband used the last argument and threatened with a divorce. I agreed to this as well. She did not seek a divorce, but if there was no other way, then so be it. Self-esteem did not allow him to retreat, and we parted. We managed to turn our nice apartment in the center and the living space left over from my grandmother into separate apartments for all of us - me, my husband and children. True, they spent all their savings on this, but finally the youngest did not have to rent a house. When would we have come to this, if not for divorce? I will not describe what it cost to solve the housing problem - whoever went through this will understand. I had to drink sedatives interspersed with energy drinks. Finally, in my “odnushka”, located in a not very prestigious area, I fell on a mattress thrown on the floor and fell asleep as a happy person. The husband had never dealt with household issues, so there was nothing new in this. I'm talking about something else - there were somehow a lot of men around. The thought that I was still attractive at first, of course, warmed. But I quickly realized what it was. Lonely, well-preserved, with an apartment, with a salary, with adult children, and even shied away from marriage like hell from incense - this is a charm, what is it. Every modern man's dream. Especially those who are tired of their own marriages, but do not want to change anything. Sorry guys, but you - by.
The next year I lived completely alone. A lot, a lot of work, equipped housing. Of course, I talked with children, friends, went to my parents. Went overseas twice. I managed to maintain a good relationship with my father-in-law - he took our divorce quite calmly. My husband didn't talk to me for seven months. Then he called and offered to meet. I invited him to visit. He came and meticulously examined the apartment. He did not find traces of the presence of another man, and it seems that he calmed down only then. And two months later he introduced me to his girlfriend. And good! Well, what to do if we are different. I need solitude, and he needs a person nearby.
I didn’t specifically strive for a new relationship, somehow everything worked out by itself. We have known each other for a long time, but we never considered each other as a man and a woman. And then talking with friends, it turned out - interesting. They began to communicate. He had more experience of life in divorce than mine, so I did not see any obstacles. Two months ago we registered our relationship. They did without rings and Mendelssohn. I am very grateful to my sons who became our witnesses. After the ceremony, we went on a trip to the Czech Republic. And when they returned, they each went to their own homes.
My friends scare me again: “Look, he can get another one!” And while living under the same roof can not? Don't tell this to a man who has been married for 20 years. No one is guaranteed against change. We both work a lot, we always spend weekends together. Vacations are also planned together. We try to meet at least twice a week. We prepare for all meetings. We spend our free time in the usual mode for everyone.
I'm sure we wouldn't have gotten along otherwise. I teach and translate. This job is very disciplined. Besides, I'm obsessed with cleanliness. My first husband laughed that I was born with a rag in my hands. I think that the apartment is cleaned enough if you can safely walk on the floor in white socks. The husband is a creative person. He calls his apartment a lair. There is an indispensable creative mess, some ethnic motifs on the walls. Lots of paintings, huge speakers for perfect sound, endless tea ceremony figurines, including a Chinese robe. He likes to quote a famous book character: “I have every speck of dust in its place!” But since these dust particles lie with him, and not in our common house, this does not annoy me. I would probably go crazy trying to clean up his house.
Like him, if I started running there every day with a rag and a vacuum cleaner. In addition, he is a completely nocturnal person. Go to bed at 5-6 o'clock, get up in the afternoon. This, of course, can be experienced in one territory, but why? We have enough communication. Thanks to my husband, I began to learn to draw and became interested in design in general. He recently saw one of his books on psychology.
For some reason, psychologists and ordinary people unanimously say that a guest marriage is beneficial, first of all, to a man. I do not agree! It's just that women are more stereotyped. And public opinion allows them less. Recently, I met support from an unexpected quarter. When I went to escort my mother, who was visiting me, to a taxi, I suddenly heard from her: “Maybe you are right about something ...”
