In 2008, the United States published the results of a study of the sexual life of people from 57 to 85 years old, which produced the effect of an exploding bomb. Among 57-64-year-olds, 73% continued to have sex, among 65-74-year-olds this figure is 53%, and among 75-85-year-olds - 26%. Nobody expected this, and newspapers in the West at that time were full of headlines like "Old people do it more often than you think."
In age sex, there were clear differences between "boys" and "girls". Older men were more active than their peers and retained their interest in sex longer. Studies have shown that sexual desire (libido) and the desire to have sex persisted in them until very advanced years. From a medical point of view, this is just wonderful. After all, sex is useful at any age - it is a great physical workout for the body and a positive emotional shake-up for the soul. Sexual function is closely related to the state of health, and it is even considered an indicator of the aging of the body: for those who have not lost their health by old age, everything is usually good in sex. It is clear that the older you are, the more often sex requires the help of pills, which are sold today in a great variety. But there is nothing wrong or shameful in this. Another thing is bad - when men give in at the very first difficulties with erection. But this suggests that problems with blood vessels begin. First, in the intimate area, where they are the thinnest, then in the heart, and this is fraught with angina pectoris and heart attack, and in the brain, it threatens with a stroke. So this is the first bell to start taking care of health. And then a long and happy sex life lies ahead.
In the fair sex, the situation with sex is more complicated, and first of all it is associated with menopause. Studies have shown that due to menopause, libido disappears in 43% of women - the desire to have sex simply disappears, 34% have no orgasm (this is also serious - if there is no pleasure, why do you need sex?), 39% have sex that is problematic and sometimes even painful due to vaginal dryness (this is also a typical consequence of menopause).
Since menopause is quite tightly tied to age, these problems begin to arise when approaching the 50-year milestone, and for some even earlier. And with the general state of health, as in men, this is often not connected. It's just that sex is largely tied to sex hormones. And their restructuring in climax leads to such results. But, like men, it's fixable. Today there are many drugs. For women, even more than for the stronger sex. And it's not just hormone replacement therapy. There are drugs that can solve these problems safely. As long as there is sex, there is no old age.
Our grandparents, our parents, and partly ourselves, grew up in conditions where love adulthood condemned by society. Therefore, older people either diligently suppressed feelings in themselves, or hid them.
Hence unhappy families with spouses who do not love each other, who do not divorce in order to avoid the condemnation of society. It didn't make anyone happier. Neither the grandparents themselves, nor their grandchildren and children. So where did the taboo on relationships in adulthood come from in our society and how should it be?
This is how it happened historically. Some 100 years ago, a 40-year-old man was considered a decrepit old man. Considering the level of medicine of that time, there were reasons for this. In the 19th century, the average life expectancy in most countries that we consider today economically advanced was less than 40 years. And in the 18th century - 25-33 years. It is not surprising that our grandmothers considered love in old age an senile eccentricity. After all, their parents and grandfathers by the age of 50-60 were decrepit old people, and more often they simply did not live up to this age.
The legends about the heroic health of that generation are based on delusions, i.e. misinterpretation of facts. The old-timers were really healthy. The reason for this is natural selection. Everyone who had the disease died early, because there was no adequate treatment. And there were very few healthy old people.
There is in this respect the youth and the share of arrogance, and a touch of selfishness. There is not only truth. Of course, everything is individual. Each person has his own inner age. Someone retires early, and someone retains the ability to love a woman / man until old age.
Children grow up and parents often find themselves alone. Rare communication and activities with grandchildren do not save. A typical story: a lady of pre-retirement age went to the doctor with complaints of poor health: weakness, depression, low blood pressure and headache. The doctor recommended falling in love and having an affair. Yes, it's a novel. This is where the stupor occurs.
People in love feel happy, and happiness does not have depression. Of course, not all diseases can be cured by love. But in some cases it helps. Helped and our heroine. The way of life has changed. The state of health has changed.
If earlier she came home from work tired and tried to force herself to do household chores, now and then putting off work and sitting down to rest. Now, at the end of the working day, she ran to the salon to get a new haircut, styling, and manicure. In a hurry, she ran into the store to buy herself a new bright blouse. And at home, household chores were carried out quickly and energetically. What could not be done before a date, without any regrets, was postponed until later. Trying on a new blouse at the mirror, she casually threw back things that had suddenly fallen out of the closet and was not in the least embarrassed by the slight disorder at home. Of course, with this lifestyle, the pressure returned to normal, depression and headaches disappeared.
This story has a scientific explanation.
People in love produce a large amount of endorphins in the body. They are often referred to as “pleasure hormones.” These are compounds that are very similar in their action to narcotic substances. Therefore, there is no better remedy for depression than love. Especially mature love, devoid of youthful passions, an excess of illusions and, as a result, disappointments.
However, love at an older age is also not always rosy. Experienced people also make mistakes, suffer, are disappointed, but less often, and they endure it much more calmly.
Studies show that people who enter relationships at maturity are much less likely to get divorced.
The strength of these alliances can be explained by experience, which allows you to choose the right partner, and wisdom, which makes it possible to avoid quarrels.
The motivation to have a loved one is important. The ability to lend a shoulder in difficult times. In addition, relationships in adulthood are usually devoid of psychological games and rivalry, which most often destroy today's young families.
Despite many obvious advantages, a mature couple also has weaknesses.
Rooted views on the world, experience, previous grievances and fears associated with former partners, stereotypes and the idea of “how it should be”, among partners in a mature couple, can inevitably bring the flared romance to “no”.
Adults, for all their wisdom, are not very flexible. They usually have children from previous marriages. Not only small, but also adult daughters and sons always have a hard time enduring the fact that a father or mother has a new family.
Even in American realities, the love of older people often breaks into pieces due to the inability to combine 2 different families into 1. And in Russian conditions, financial problems are mixed with psychological problems. Parents who met their man in his declining years and fell in love with him painfully make a choice between a new family and the previous one. The need for choice is more often given to a man:
Such relationships often break down, not standing the test. Moreover, a man who is "torn" into 2 parts usually understands that the children of his beloved will never perceive him in the same way as his own. So, in this dilemma, he will give up the right to love.
In such a situation it is difficult to give advice. Because everyone has to make their own choice. But more often than not, people who were able to keep love choose relationships without marriage and a common home. It's sad, but even adult and self-sufficient couples are not always free to choose.
For some reason it is believed that real love mostly happens at a young age, because there are no poems or songs about late love. Maybe falling in love at 60 is indecent? And if this happens to someone, then only to those who are “mad with fat”? Psychologist Arina Krupenina categorically disagrees with this assumption and, in order to prove her case, she gives convincing arguments: love is possible at any age. Another question is that in later life she is most often unhappy.
When student children leave to study and then work, spouses face the question of how to fill the resulting void.
If they have something in common, the period of life restructuring ends for the family without loss. But if they were together only for the sake of the children, there is an impulse: the task is completed, you can be free. And then comes late love.
The reverse side of this coin is a problem. In adulthood, the question of who to be with - with a new love or with a spouse, is especially acute. Constancy in habits and in everyday life, unwillingness to lose or share material wealth acquired together. The spouse for whom this marriage remains last hope, and children.
As a result, a person returns to the family, acutely experiencing both, and the need to be with the unloved until the end of his days.
It would seem that what prevents people who have long been divorced or widowed from falling in love?
But some refuse the very idea of love, motivating: “Why do I need problems in my old age?”. Others say: "A man like mine ex-husband or wife, I will not meet again!
Late love comes only to those who are not traumatized by marriage and do not idealize a past partner.
However, this is often not love, but a convenient union of two people. Often you can observe mature, newly created couples: a man who is used to being, and a woman who does not tolerate loneliness. Although there are pleasant exceptions.
Late maturity and old age is the time when a person analyzes his own place in life and sums up its results. Recognizing the inevitability of death, he subconsciously tries to move away from the horror associated with it. Sex takes on a special, almost mystical meaning in this process. Sexual attraction at this age is not nonsense at all, but a sure way to the physical and preserving the youth of the spirit. It gives prospects for the future, filling life with meaning.
Thus, love that came to a person in maturity is perceived not only as late, but also as the last. That is why you so want to keep it, take care of it and take care of it, treating it carefully, like with a flower.
If you are still, and your parents or even grandparents are experiencing this feeling, be delicate and do not trample the tender sprout.
Many families that actually cease to be families a couple of years after the registration of marriage have one and the same feature: after a divorce, there is a need to start a new relationship. And here an obstacle arises in the form of certain difficulties, described below.
1. Emotional baggage.
You are no longer young, but you managed to taste the taste family life, have experienced a range of feelings in relationships with the opposite sex, and in your memory there are ready-made algorithms and reactions to "sexual stimuli".
This baggage has shaped you as a person, so when a potential partner asks about who you are and what kind of person you are, you will readily talk about your experience, that you have ready-made principles and you are prudent in small things.
Unfortunately, the new relationship involves changes in the lives of the two, including changes in the state of the peripheral nervous system. This is facial expressions, and your speech, and gestures, and even the temperature of the skin surface - so much will change, and these changes will be in such unusual “little things” that you will actually start a new life.
After all, only under these conditions can you have a child, move to another place of residence, wake up with someone else. If you stay in the same condition, then your partner simply will not be able to come close to you, as required by a new relationship. In other words, you will have to surgically cut off some of your emotional baggage.
2.Your demands have grown.
A priori, you simply cannot be that naive young man or girl who looked with open luminous eyes at the object of your passion. In your head is the memory of past suffering, which is unacceptable, and therefore you will cut them in the bud.
Your significant other does not work - goodbye! Drunk or rude - goodbye! I could not explain the long absence from home - goodbye!
Unfortunately, we realize late that each person is not just unique - he gives us a choice - either we perceive him completely or reject him. Even if you like some quality, you need to take the rest of the luggage. We will have to give up our demands - and this will have to be done without fail.
Your task is to decide whether you are ready to sacrifice something or not. It is possible that something can be bypassed, and it is necessary to make efforts to achieve harmony with a partner, to seek compromises, because the end justifies the means.
3. The world is changing, as a new partner brings new laws, new discoveries into your life, you will learn new things about the world around you, and therefore your perception of life is changing.
Even if the nature of the spouse or spouse resemble the previous life partner, their social environment is likely to be different. Someone with a sick mother, someone has a child who stayed with ex-spouse, someone is spinning in sports or financial circles, and someone is lonely ...
You can turn into a closed person, although before that you were the soul of the company, and all this for the sake of the family, for the sake of family partnership. And no matter how hard you try to keep your social ballast, even good friends it will be difficult to get used to you in a new guise, they may turn away quite unexpectedly.
What can we say about favorite habits. The wife may interfere if the spouse spends a lot of time at the computer, and the husband will demand that the wife answer all the phone calls. New man - new laws of the universe.
4. You will get bored with your old self.
Your past "I" will no longer please you. You will want to take and take from a new acquaintance, change for the better, be inspired by a partner.
But, as a rule, this rarely happens. Most likely, both are coming down on each other with their personal boundaries, and your past self will become a big burden for both. Already on the third day life together you realize with horror that you will have to commit violence against yourself. Without him, the marriage will fall apart immediately, because you are both mature people and both have strong presets, both will want to take something fresh and new from each other, and you both sit on the couch and keep quiet!
Someone should start a new diet, jogging in the morning, someone should start learning a foreign language, otherwise boredom from a hardened personal shell will turn into mutual dissatisfaction: after all, I condescended to you, you should rejoice, be inspired and change for the better, why do you sit with such a lean face and expect something from life?
For very young guys and girls, the connection arises organically, they do not have a personal shell and accept everything as it is, and therefore their quarrel is always shock therapy. In mature divorces, all disagreements are painful mutual tortures, blows and injections, and rarely balanced decisions. The second time it is better not to allow a divorce - it will be very painful, as it will be conscious and "heavy" in its load.
One way or another, for the second or third attempt, you have one powerful weapon: you clearly know what you want, so do not be fooled by a pleasant appearance, but immediately determine the boundaries of your acceptable compromises.
Source -
13.11.2018
The advantage of love in adulthood is that each partner knows well what he wants and what he has to offer.
at first glance, it is no different from relationships in any other period of life. But for those who experience it, this is the culmination of life, a new meeting with their soulmate.
The most interesting thing is that she comes when no one is waiting for her. Many at this age have the collapse of previous relationships behind them, and often people come to the decision to “lock their hearts” so as not to suffer anymore.
But a chance meeting, a casual conversation, a cup of coffee gradually connect two worlds, two universes.
We invite you to dive into this topic today and talk about mature love.
Let us first note one important aspect: it means several decades of lived years.
However, the maturity of the soul, mind and heart determined not by the years lived, but by the experience gained the ability to think clearly and make wise decisions.
Some people in their sixties behave with the irresponsibility and immaturity of a teenager. Others enter adulthood with a sense of inner balance. They accept everything they have done and take responsibility for it.
They look to the future with confidence, optimism and much more to do and experience.
We all experienced, appreciated and lost a lot. Starting new ones, one should not forget everything experienced before, delete from life all the connections that we had in the past.
Therefore, love in adulthood is often expressed in relationships characterized by fullness and sophistication. Partners accept all of their past, this helps them understand what they want in the present and what they are not going to endure.
Even though they are no longer 20 years old, they do not seek to regain youth. People who met their happiness in adulthood, know and understand that this is the best time of their lives They are neither nostalgic for the past nor fearful of the future.
When maturity comes, we have several “cycles” behind us: we were married (married), divorced, raised children ... Having gone through all this, we already know exactly what we want.
Age and experience also give greater peace of mind, we are easier to relate to various "little things in life." Everything experienced in one way or another hardens us, which gives relationships in adulthood additional benefits.
The youth of the soul and heart must be constantly maintained; For this it is important to love yourself.
We all have this magical "switch" (or rather, "switch"), called passion and love.
This magical thing that we meet by chance, and which is worth fighting for every day.
