But here's the paradox, on the very first day of their life together they quarreled about everything. And it turned out that he could not bear what seemed normal and natural to her. And she can't stand his stupid household habits. More and more often he leaves home. She is increasingly trying to equip this very house of theirs. Beautiful furniture, comfortable things from the "easy to clean, easy to store" section. And there are more and more reasons to feel hostility towards each other. I don't want to live together anymore.
You can come up with the plot of a cheap female novel. However, this is a very common occurrence in young couples. Our grandmothers and mothers said to this: “To endure - fall in love”, “Lovely scold - only amuse”. However, the essence of these tips cannot satisfy the modern generation, in which there are almost as many divorces as weddings.
How can you understand why this is happening to you? Which one of you is to blame? And how to deal with it? Or not to fight, but to accept and live, meeting with your loved one for a while and on neutral territory?
The compatibility of men and women is different: sexual, domestic and emotional. In a couple, we attract people with opposite vectors, which potentially provides the family, as a single organism, with a better survival. A strong attraction "turns a blind eye" to the shortcomings of a partner. We are happy together. But this state is not for long. Nature gives us about three years to build relationships.
What can strengthen a relationship? This kind of rapprochement can be an emotional connection, when we feel the mood of a partner, his feelings and emotions. When we fully trust our partner, not being afraid to be ridiculed. As well as intellectual connection, when there are common interests, hobbies. When you can discuss something with each other.
It is also important that in the relationship there should be a mutual movement towards each other. It is the understanding and acceptance of another person, his actions, properties and desires that gives us confidence that we can live happily ever after together.
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Hello! We really need your help! My heart just breaks, I see no way out of the situation. I am 31 years old and my husband and I are the same age. Married for 1.5 years, known for 2 years. This is my first marriage, there was practically no experience in relationships. A year before meeting her husband, she left her hometown, where she lived with her parents. I had warm, sincere relations with my parents. At the first meeting future husband made an exceptionally positive impression - kind, serious, self-confident, I felt myself behind him as behind a stone wall. Everything was amazing. He had a relationship before me civil marriage within 7 years. I know that the relationship was difficult, daily scandals, swearing. She was the complete opposite of me. He loved her, there was passion in the relationship. In the end, she left him for another. For two years he was worried, he could not find himself. Before meeting me, he seemed to have survived this situation. But it still amazes me that he chose the exact opposite of her - me. After 2 months we began to live together, everything was fine. He changed jobs and then some points began to alarm me. He could afford not to go to work due to illness or come home early, saying at work that he had gone on business. In a word, I realized that he had no particular desire to work. I didn't talk to him about it, I waited and watched. Against this background, my attitude towards him began to change, he felt it. There were disagreements in the relationship. Then it seemed to normalize, but he really did not like the work. Scheduled a wedding, got married. And he immediately quit. I have been looking for a job for 4 months. At first I supported him, well, who doesn’t? Then she endured, although she understood that this was not the norm - a man should work. And now she became pregnant. He is a rather tough person, and I am very vulnerable and tender. My parents have always been kind to me. And my husband considered my grievances, claims against him to be a whim. And now I'm pregnant, in the first weeks there was terrible apathy and drowsiness, irritability. My husband didn't recognize me. I was often offended (I used to be able to restrain myself, set myself up so as not to be offended, but now it didn’t work out). My husband quite harshly told me not to blackmail me with my position. In general, I lost a child at 3 months, crying 2 nights in a row after another quarrel. He was very worried about me and the loss of the child. It took me a long time to come to my senses. It seems that everything has returned to normal in relations, but with work ... He got a job, worked for a couple of months, quit, and so on several times. It was such that he lay at home with an indisposition without any sick leave and he was fired for absenteeism. I do not understand this. Our relationship began to deteriorate, there is a catastrophic lack of money. My parents just beg me for a divorce, and I love him. Before I met him, I lived purposefully. She always achieved something, went to something, traveled. And now I have no desire to do something, I look at him and my hands fall. I have never met such people. He has a very strong mother who raised him alone, maybe this is the reason? He is very a kind person. But I'm unhappy with him. Our intimate life is the worst. Haven't had sex in a couple of months. I generally had the idea that he had no attraction to me, because before it was not so often, and there was almost never passion. And now it’s completely gone, I’m constantly crying from it, I feel unwanted. He still often talks about my shortcomings in the figure, I have a lot of complexes. I spoke to him, he replies that all this is due to quarrels and my tears. But in past relationships, he himself said that all quarrels ended in bed, there was a wild passion. It finishes me off. If I knew that the matter was in his temperament, I could still bear it, but I know that he had it differently - I can’t put up with it. There are thoughts that he married me only because it's time already and madly wants children. And I fit well for this role - tender, vulnerable, well-mannered, without children and baggage of experience behind me. I do not know what to do. I love him as a person. But I don't see it as a man anymore. We talked about it several times, but nothing changes. In intimate terms, it doesn’t suit me, I lost my life - I have nothing to strive for, some kind of dead end. But I can’t leave, although I’ve already tried, he won’t let go, and I don’t have enough determination either. Is there any hope that I can accept him as he is and live the way we live. Or a person cannot change himself like this, can you say "break"?
I don't even know where to start... My problem is the following. I am 26 years old, we are the same weather with my boyfriend, we have been dating for the third year and we can’t start living in a place. Or rather, he wants this, introduced me to my mother, wants to get married, has a separate home, loves me and I love him, but it’s hard for me to take this step. The fact is that before him I met for a long time with another person for about five years. I loved him very much, but let's just say he was not the most suitable person. When we lived together, he constantly dragged everything from the house, sold my things, etc. I went to university and lived away from my parents. Then he was imprisoned for burglary, I was waiting for him, went to see him in prison. My mother then found out about him and then not everything, at first she cursed with me, then she cried and persuaded me to break up with him, but I did not listen to anyone. I could not leave him there alone, it seemed to me vile and dishonorable. When he came out, I was just graduating from the institute and we still broke up. And half a year later they got back together. Everything was fine, if I may say so, then he again began to drag out of the house, wept and asked for forgiveness ... I forgave, I was probably stupid, love was some kind of painful .... But he was close to me (I write and seem to this is paradoxical) ... And then he simply disappeared, robbing my apartment in which we lived ... After some time, I found out that there are two girls in Novgorod and Pskov who have a child from him .... It was very painful. .. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat... How they turned it off. I didn’t meet with anyone, I didn’t speak ... And then a year later I met my current MCH ... I wanted to limit him all the time, so that I wouldn’t hug or kiss ... I was scared all the time to get used to becoming attached, all the time it was scary that he hurt me. After that relationship, I can’t trust anyone at all, although I’m not sure what’s going on in those relationships ... I really love my beloved and I understand how hard it is for him to endure my oddities, but when we are constantly together for about three or four days, I as if I’m starting to suffocate, the pain of my soul is so unbearable that I can just start crying for no reason while hugging my beloved. And all because I can’t be with him because of my cockroaches, even though I love him with all my heart. He knows about my past experience, but in passing .. But it hurts him to touch my past ... I often tried to leave, told him to find another, but he doesn’t want to, suffers, says that he loves that he wants to be with me, but sometimes he difficult from my harsh words and thoughtlessly thrown caustic phrases .... I don’t know what to do. I understand that I need to move in together, I really want a little one with him and he too, we constantly talk about children, but this pain does not let me sleep ... I again seem to return to this nightmarish period when I don’t know how I lived ...
Everything is probably very unclearly written, but I hope someone can help me. Can't figure it out on my own.
