Incomplete family. Is it really becoming the norm and why women are increasingly initiating divorces?
- I want to be a girl, - my six-year-old son was taken aback by an unexpected statement. No, no, don't think, he doesn't like dresses. She just loves her mother and wants to be like her in everything. After all, she is ahead of the rest of the planet: she works tirelessly, supports herself and the child. At the same time, she manages to dance and attend needlework courses. And most importantly, she spends a lot of time with him: play chess - please, go to the cinema - no question, go rollerblading - with pleasure. Unlike the Sunday dad, who is always crying that he has no money and is too lazy. The only thing he offers with enthusiasm is to play on the computer. It is not surprising that the child has an inverted perception of the family: mom is the head and breadwinner, and dad is another child.
Finally waited
Tortured and nervous abandoned women, causing pity, are a thing of the past. The current single mothers do not come up with versions about polar explorer dads, they are not shy about their status. Open any glossy magazine - you will definitely find a story about how a self-sufficient woman raised her children alone and achieved success in her career. Modern Amazons are good with technology, they drive a car, they have a good income ... They don’t seem to need a strong leverage.
It used to be difficult for the fair sex without men, especially in the countryside. And now she called her “husband for an hour”, paid him - he will beat the eaves, fix the plumbing and glue the wallpaper. Beauty! It is clear that if a husband beats, drinks and lives according to the principle “women were not given a word”, parting with him is the only reasonable option. And thank God that the ladies have become more independent, they are not afraid that they will not feed themselves. But successful marriages also break up. As often explained, they did not agree on the characters.
Of course, waving a pen to her husband, many women can breathe a sigh of relief. No need to collect socks scattered around the apartment, apologize for salted porridge, make excuses for why you returned so late, listen to notations about the amount spent. In a word, wherever I want, I fly there, today I eat halva, tomorrow - gingerbread, or even go on a diet. Any married woman from time to time dreams of such freedom - what a sin to conceal. But…
Leaving won't solve the problem. Psychologists say: the family rests on both parents. No matter how wonderful the mother is, the child still wants to see a man next to him.
My friend is happily divorced. From time to time I met with fans, but now it seems that he has appeared - the real one. The son, who turned 15, approved the choice of his mother. Somehow they gathered in the kitchen to have tea together. The son looked at the friendly company and said: “Well, the whole family is together” ...
Time to grow up...
According to Belarusian sociologists, modern girls still associate the concept of happiness with the creation of a family and the birth of children. But there are more and more young men who are not ready to burden themselves with the bonds of marriage every year. Let's try to figure out why this happens.
The mother of many children Elena Voitekh, talking to me, said: “There are no bad wives or bad husbands. Everyone has problems, sometimes they just knock down. Family is a huge job. And it's not that you have to work hard physically, think about how to create comfort in the house. We also need to work on ourselves, on relationships, learn to listen and hear the other person, make compromises.
However, many young people, unfortunately, do not want and do not know how to do this. As the deputy of the House of Representatives of the National Assembly of the Republic of Belarus Oksana Nekhaychik notes, the generation of those who were brought up in a one-child family has grown up. They are all selfish in one way or another. Not accustomed to taking care of others, to make concessions. The slightest difficulty confuses them. It is easier for them to scatter in different directions than to look for a way out of the situation. The main thing is not to stress.
According to the director of the Minsk City Center for Social Services for Family and Children Ekaterina Maltseva, there are several reasons for this. The first is the infantilization of the male population, the second is the excessive focus of family life on children, and the third is the loss of family traditions.
- We are reaping the fruits of the post-war period, says the expert. - Many men did not return from the front, others healed their wounds, and women took on uncharacteristic worries. As a result, the representatives of the stronger sex relaxed and began to shift the solution of everyday problems onto the shoulders of the spouse, and the wives set the tone for their daughters and subsequent generations. Men concentrated on making money and withdrew from the process of raising children. What model of behavior in this case is equal to the boy? How can he learn to be the head of the family?
Third wheel
All the best for children. We are accustomed to live, guided by this idea. In difficult times, this approach was justified. Since families often found themselves in survival situations, the best piece was given to the child. Now, thank God, we are not starving, but we still continue to educate these little gods around whom the whole world revolves.
Statistics show that the largest percentage of divorces occurs in the first year of a baby's life. Why? Parents are not ready to live together. According to the head of the social project BabyStory.by Natalya Mironchuk, a man is simply not given a chance to become needed. Mothers are afraid to leave their husbands with a child: they will feed them the wrong way, they will put on the wrong hat. After the birth of a baby, dad often becomes an outcast in the family - his wife and grandmothers say: move away, we ourselves. And the man has no choice but to really step aside.
It is not surprising that now they are seriously talking about introducing mandatory paternity leave and encouraging dads to go on maternity leave. Here is the Deputy Representative of the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) in Belarus Elena Kasko believes that men should be given the opportunity to spend more time with their children.
Do not forget that in an incomplete family it is very difficult to raise a child who will not feel defective in some way. Especially the boy. Far from every woman succeeds in avoiding distortions in his upbringing. At the same time, many believe that it is easier for mom to build a line of behavior with girls. However, there are nuances here too. If the daughter is not surrounded by an atmosphere of daddy's love, then it is possible that she will grow up as an insecure person, she may have difficulties in relations with the opposite sex.
In the family circle
Finally, the last and, perhaps, the most significant cause of family problems is the loss of traditions, the loss of continuity in the transfer of positive experience. People have forgotten how to communicate. Even within the same apartment. I have acquaintances who corresponded via Skype, being in neighboring rooms ...
- I'm not talking about the fact that family gatherings have gone out of fashion - with grandparents, joint trips to the forest, to the river, - says Ekaterina Maltseva. - In an attempt to abandon everything Soviet, we also turned our backs on our roots. Listening to the opinion of the older generation has become out of fashion. Everyone tries to live with his own mind. There are no relics that are inherited. There is no atmosphere that pulls a person home.
... Masha speaks with great trepidation about her grandfather, who is well over 80 years old. He visits him, brings food, buys newspapers. When he got to the hospital, she visited almost every day, and together with her husband. Relationships that deserve respect. Alas, today they are a rarity. Increasingly, communication with loved ones is slipping into the material and everyday plane. They expect from the ancestors that they will give money, help build an apartment, make happy with an expensive gift. A purely consumer approach that will never become the basis for a strong family. And until we understand this, we will continue to shrug our hands again and again in bewilderment: why did they all the same run away? It would seem that the house is a full bowl. What did people miss?
And they lacked a little - warmth, attention, love, care ...
For reference
According to the National Statistical Committee, in 2016 in Belarus there were 506 divorces per 1,000 marriages. Most new families were created in Minsk - over 15 thousand. However, the capital also leads in the number of divorces. Last year, 7,470 marriages were annulled.
Good afternoon I want to turn to you for advice on a problem that is quite typical for our era. The thing is, I don't want to get married and I don't want to have children. I believe that not wanting to start a family is the right of any woman, including my right, and I know that many women in our time do not want to have a family, or certainly are not in a hurry to do so.
Somewhere else with adolescence I realized that I don’t want to get married and don’t want children, now I’m already 21 years old, but not only have I not changed my mind on this issue, but on the contrary, I have strengthened myself in this. Moreover, before it seemed to me that this was some kind of mental illness, that I might be crazy, since everyone wants it, but I don’t want it, but now I realized that this is quite normal and that I am far from the only one. When I think about what it's like to have a family, I have many more arguments "against" than "for".
I never understood why everyone thinks that it is happiness to have a husband and children. I do not want this for a number of reasons.
Firstly, I have a very freedom-loving, independent, self-sufficient character. I really like to be at peace, in solitude, so that no one touches me, and do what interests me. When you have a husband and children, this becomes impossible, because you have to serve them all the time, either stand at the stove and cook, or do the laundry, or clean up, etc. In general, when you have a family, you no longer belong to yourself, sometimes you can’t take minutes for yourself. I do not want the stress associated with family relationships, I do not want betrayal, discontent, scandals. I do not want conflicts with my husband's parents, who may not accept me.
In addition, I am very afraid of such a phenomenon as domestic violence, and not without reason: recently in the media, with terrifying regularity, there are reports of abuse by men with wives / cohabitants. The likelihood of this scares me. I also, like many girls and women in our time, first want to get on my feet financially, I want to make a career and have a decent income. There is an explanation for this: I myself am from a low-income family, since childhood, and to this day, I have to limit myself in many ways, I cannot afford much of what I would like. And therefore it is quite natural that I want to make a career, earn good money and live at least a little for myself, for my own pleasure, satisfy all the needs that I have, help my family financially. And if you have a family, children, this is unlikely to be possible.
In addition, I understand that it will not be easy to find such a man whom I would like: I have a rather high bar for requests to a potential life partner, I am not going to be with anyone, just not to be alone. Yes, and I myself in this regard, to be honest, not so competitive. I am not a beauty in appearance, I am strongly predisposed to gaining excess weight ... To my shame, I am a little lazy, I do not like and do not really know how to do housework: cook, wash, clean.
As for children, this is also difficult. I have never particularly loved children, I have not felt tenderness towards these eternally screaming creatures who need care and attention 24 hours a day. I have absolutely no idea how to treat them, how to educate them. I never understood why everyone says that having children is the greatest happiness. Moreover, lately I have often read confessions of mothers who write that they gave birth not of their own free will, but only under the pressure of public opinion, and now they do not love their children and cannot do anything about it. I also think that to give birth to a child without wanting it, and then not to love him, is to make the child unhappy, and himself. Why is this needed? In addition, I have certain health problems, and I experience a panic fear of childbirth. Moreover, in our region there is poor medicine, very often there are cases when pregnant women die due to the negligence and unprofessionalism of doctors. I'm afraid of all this.
And everything would be fine, but the whole problem is that I am the only child in the family. My father died when I was 3 or 4 years old, my mother has not been in any relationship since then. Therefore, I feel that my family - my mother and grandmother - are waiting for me to continue the family. If I had a sister or brother, I would be calm in this regard, but the fact of the matter is that I am alone. I also have an uncle, my mother's brother, but he had a car accident and is now sick, so he may not be able to become a father, and he has no children. Therefore, all hope in this regard is on me. So far in a relatively delicate form, but both my mother and especially my grandmother are hinting to me that I should get married and give birth to at least one child. We have a large apartment in which the three of us live, and I understand that my grandmother is primarily concerned about who will get this apartment when we are all gone. And I feel that the older I get, the more acute this issue will be, because my grandmother, of course, wants to have time to see her great-grandchildren. But I feel that in another 10 years I will definitely not be ready for this. Maybe someday I'll be ready, but I definitely don't want to rush into it and I don't want to make it the main goal of my life.
In addition, in our maternal family, all marriages were unhappy: great-grandmother, grandmother, and my mother too. I know it's stupid, but I'm afraid it's some kind of curse that will most likely affect me too. I don’t have an example of a happy, strong, successful marital relationship before my eyes, so I can’t imagine what it is like, and whether it even happens in principle. Therefore, whenever it comes to marriage and children, my mood deteriorates very much: there is a painful feeling that I owe something to someone, I am obliged, and at the same time I begin to feel like an ungrateful, selfish creature, because I I love both my mother and grandmother, but I do not want to leave offspring for them.
I beg you, please, tell me what to do, what words to choose in order to explain to my family in the most delicate way that I don’t want a family, that I’m not ready for this in every sense yet and I’ll go for it only when I am ready? I already agree to concessions, for example, I’m ready someday to give birth to a child only for myself and raise him alone, but I don’t want to get married categorically! I beg you, tell me how I should behave in this difficult situation?! Thank you in advance!
Hello Vika! I am a mother of two sons aged 30 and 28. The elder graduated from the institute, works as a lawyer, got married. The youngest in life is easy-going, often changes women, constantly having fun.
At the same time, he graduated from the institute with honors, at work he is valued as a good specialist, he does not drink, does not smoke, plays sports. I keep waiting for his entertainment to end, but there is no end in sight. I ask him to rent an apartment for himself (lives with us), but he does not want to. He says: “Are you driving me?” He helps both financially and in the country, but I really want him, like his older brother, to become a family. He does not want to discuss this topic - he runs away. He once said that he would marry at 40. I despaired in my attempts to explain to him that it was time to have something more than a free and carefree life. What to do?
Dear M.! And if so far your son has not met a woman “by fate”, as the people say? Does he have to get married just so that his mother does not worry? Funny, oh god...
Adult children should decide for themselves what to do with their lives. And they will also bear responsibility for it themselves. We, the older generation, have fulfilled our mission. Of course, the fate of parents is to worry about their children until the end of their days. But this does not mean the right to interfere in their personal affairs. We must learn to live with the knowledge that the umbilical cord has been cut completely. How to come to this? Let's try to figure it out...
The daughter and son-in-law of a friend of mine, after graduating from the biology faculty of Moscow State University, were lured to the States, where they have been living for 25 years, dealing with cancer problems. “Can you imagine,” a friend said with tears in her eyes, “when I come to visit them, I almost don’t see my granddaughter. At the age of 18, they allowed a student girl to live separately, they rent an apartment for her, although they themselves have a huge 3-story house. They say that in America everyone does this so that children learn independence. In recent decades, this idea has been heavily hammered into our heads. Numerous publications publish articles and tests, translated from Western media, on the benefits of pushing chicks out of the parental nest when they come of age. Most psychologists work according to foreign methods, completely rejecting the very idea that we are people with a different psychology. And that it is dangerous for our people to break through the knee the age-old foundations rooted in the subconscious. After all, a way of life is formed over the centuries. For us, whose ancestors have always lived in family clans, forcibly pushing children out of the house early can lead to generational alienation, to the final disappearance of the closeness between parents and children. And, as a result, to lonely helpless old age. On the other hand, Russian love for children is also already reaching the point of absurdity. Having lived a long period of life in a regime of material restrictions, many, with the advent of prosperity, began to immensely pamper their children, to fulfill their slightest wishes, and such guardianship lasts for many years. To avoid bias, you need to find a "golden mean" between the Western and Russian approaches in relations with adult children. From the house at 18 - 20 years old, do not expel, but do not wipe the snot until the age of 40.
When a person graduates from school and the question arises: “Where to go now?” - the decision is most often made under the influence of parents, and sometimes directly at their will. Quite often, offspring become successors of professional dynasties. The motives of parents are clear: there are connections, which means that after graduation, the opportunity to attach a child to a good job. Remember the bearded joke about Vovochka, which asks:
Grandfather, will I be a general like you?
You will, he replies confidently.
And the marshal?
No, the marshal has his own grandson...
In principle, there is nothing wrong with succession if the child really feels called to this work. However, most often it is not talent that directs him, but the desire for the same success and prosperity that his father or mother achieved. This is especially true in the creative professions. But nature usually rests on the children of geniuses. Most of them do not reach the heights, many begin to drink too much, feeling like a failure. Therefore, do not put pressure on the offspring in the matter of choosing a profession. And when he announces his own decision, do not dissuade, do not meddle with advice. They must be given if the son or daughter specifically asks you to do so.
Many grown-up children, like the author of our letter, do not want to separate themselves. It is much more convenient for them to live in a house where it is always clean and comfortable, where, as if by magic, dirty bedding is changed to clean, fresh shirts appear in the closet, and there is always something tasty in the kitchen. Therefore, more and more people (most often this applies to men) continue to live in their father's house after 30 years. How should parents behave in this case? While the child is studying, I consider it absolutely normal that they support him as much as possible. If the family has enough money, there is no point in forcing the child to work at McDonald's "for educational purposes", as is practiced in America. All his forces should be thrown to study. However, there is no need to rush around an 18-year-old person like a chicken with an egg. Alas, many parents are unwilling to accept the fact that their children have matured. Most continue to believe that it is necessary to continue to constantly instruct them, to follow their every step. What if, without our guidance, the “child” will go astray from the true path? We will never learn psychologically to let go of our adult children, because we consider them the most important achievement of our lives. And when there is no need to take care of them, we feel the deepest longing and emptiness. And this is a terrible mistake. A person does not begin to feel like an adult while he is being coddled. Even if you live together, you do not need to fully cater for adult children in the domestic plan. They should have their own responsibilities in housework. In this regard, I just like the Western approach. I will feed you, buy the most necessary clothes, but if you want to have fancy equipment, super fashionable clothes, please, work hard. Once a week, clean the apartment, help your father with repairs, bring a grid of potatoes from the store.
Instead of suffering about the “wrong” life of grown-up children, take care of your own affairs, which you have been putting off for later all your life: “There will be time, I will re-read Dostoevsky (Chekhov, Pikul, etc.)”, “I will retire and finally drive along the Golden Ring (I will make a tour along the Volga, etc.)”. So take advantage of this opportunity! Oh yes, you have a new exciting hobby - taking care of your grandchildren? Are you sure that you will be terribly in demand again, and your advice will be invaluable? You should not delude yourself. Along with the decision to start a family, your children have also outlined a strategy for behavior in their own family, the principles for raising their offspring. And these positions, which may be very different from yours, must be respected. The most correct way to communicate with the family of a son or daughter, if they live separately, is to behave like a guest. Do not go into someone else's monastery with your charter, do not check whether linen is properly packed in the closets and whether there is food in the refrigerator. When living together, also do not impose your help, respond only to requests, but at the same time do not allow yourself to sit on your neck and turn yourself into a domestic servant. Your position: “I will babysit, but warn me about it in advance. And today, excuse me, I have planned a trip with a friend to the exhibition.
The years pass quickly, and when our children pass 40, they begin to reassess their values. If the offspring, in whose hair gray hair is already breaking through, suddenly wants to talk about life, complain about his family problems, listen to him without unnecessary comments. He knows what to do without us. But who else in the world, except for mother and father, will understand everything, forgive and not condemn. If one manages not to break the bonds with children during one's life, there is hope that in old age they will become a reliable support. By the way, never be afraid to ask for help from children. No need to be offended, complain that the son himself will never offer to take you to the country, will not ask if you need to throw some money. If you really feel any need, say so directly. Adult children behave this way not out of spiritual callousness, but because their thoughts are occupied with other concerns. If you are silent, they think that you are all right.
Hello dear readers! Recently, a woman approached me with a question: I am already 31 years old, but I don’t want a family and children, and all my relatives insist, what should I do? I thought, it’s true, we are under pressure all the time from social obligations, the expectations of our parents, other people’s demands and much more. How to understand all this, hear your desires and understand your own needs? Why is loneliness equated with sin? This is what will be discussed in the article today.
From a young age, children are being prepared for the fact that when you grow up, you must definitely start a family, children, your own home, a big dog, and so on. This is considered normal, correct and socially acceptable. No one wonders what if I feel good being alone. Nobody ever asks if you need a family.
Moreover, there are such horror stories as “an old maiden nobody needs”, “no one will give water in old age”. And how many happy, joyful sayings about a friendly family? Millions.
It used to be a custom to give out a girl at the age of fourteen to a rich and not always young gentleman. The more profitable it was possible to marry off a daughter, the happier the parents were. parental benefit. They supposedly brought up, spent their strength, now let the daughter bring benefits. Did anyone ask her daughter if she needed this old gentleman who grumbles and runs after every skirt in the village?
Today, too, there are a huge number of social norms. If a woman builds a career - a bitch who does not want to start a family. If you got married early - flew. If you don't want a child, what kind of woman are you?
The same can be said about men. Married - henpecked. He didn’t marry - a womanizer, he didn’t work up yet, everything would be to look at his legs. He builds a career - a careerist, does not think about anyone but himself. And so on ad infinitum.
I have always believed that it is much more difficult for a person to learn to live in harmony with himself than with another person. Today, it is very rare to meet people who truly understand what comfortable loneliness is. You always need someone else, company, fun, TV in case of emergency. Man has forgotten how to be alone with himself.
For me, this is a very important quality - the ability to be alone. And there is nothing wrong with the fact that you are comfortable in a similar situation.
It took me a long time to learn how to spend time by myself. I’ll pick up the phone and call someone, then I’ll turn on the movie, get on the Internet. Learning to be alone with yourself is hard work.
I have a guy friend who runs his own business on the sly, has a wide circle of friends, he has excellent relations with relatives, sometimes mistresses appear. But he is not going to start a family. He doesn't want to raise children. And he has good reasons for this. He initially asked not to interfere in his life and respect his choice.
And there is a girl who got married at the age of eighteen. The guy turned out to be walking, and he’s not a fool to drink. Their family is completely unfriendly and unhappy. And so she pulls this burden, suffers and constantly complains.
To have or not to have a family is up to you. Think with your head, decide for yourself, do not listen to "good" advisers. You have to live with the decision you made.
The demands of parents, the pressure of society, the insistence of friends - this is not a reason to rush into the pool headlong into family life especially if you're not ready for it. Do not do anything just because others say so and want to.
Is your personal life not working out in general? Can't figure it out for yourself? Don't despair and don't give up. To get started, read the article "". You will definitely understand that there is a way out of any situation.
Building family relationships is an important and very difficult task. Only you decide to go on this exciting journey or sail the expanses of the sea on a single yacht. Be confident in yourself and do not let other people's desires interfere with your life.
What do you think are the pros and cons of family life? What are the benefits of being single?
When the only son spends his life alone, any normal mother wants to arrange his personal life as soon as possible. There is no strength to watch how a native child endures loneliness and suffers from a lack of family warmth. Marriage is an issue that young people do not pay much attention to. Even if the son is already under forty, he does not really want to tie the knot. Gradually, the institution of marriage is losing its former power, and many men never put a ring on their ring finger.
There is nothing wrong with a son not wanting to get married. Mother should not constantly peck him and impose a wedding. But sometimes a single life can drag on until old age. This is what mothers are afraid of, so they are trying to find a daughter-in-law for themselves, and for their son - the best wife. Sometimes young men are so indecisive that they are afraid to just approach a girl. These are the guys who need help. How to find a bride for your son? Here are some simple tips for mothers.
This method is suitable for sons who live in the same house with their parents, and especially for those who can be called "sissy." It works great if your beloved child is used to living on everything prepared, not being responsible for anything in the house, practically not helping with the housework, but at the same time enjoying all the benefits life together with people who love him. The method is very simple, but for some parents who are madly worried about their priceless child, it can be very difficult to make it. So pull yourself together and...
Stop patronizing your son: cook for him, wash his clothes, clean his room and in general, serve his life in any way. Let him start living on his own. Stop doing all these household chores for him. This technique is needed in order to bring a man who has stayed up in bachelors out of his comfort zone. Of course, when a single man is brought food on a tray, dust particles are blown off in his room and they are looked after in every possible way, he will not want to change his usual way of life and habits, do a lot of housework himself, be responsible for someone. Violating the established rhythm of her son's life, the mother shows that she will not always be with him, so he needs to build his own family nest. Just warn your son in advance, for example, a few days or a week in advance, so that he has time to prepare for such serious changes in his life.
As a radical variant of this method, offer your son to rent a house on his own or move to a second apartment if it exists. On the one hand, such a drastic change in the situation will create a “shake-up” of the man’s brain and lead to a rethinking of values. It will also create a serious incentive for his son to find a partner who will help him around the house. On the other hand, rental housing is not cheap now, and this will force the son to look for ways to increase his income.
In the first days after the move, help him establish a life. But after that, try not to interfere in his everyday problems anymore, let him learn to solve everything himself.
Keep in mind that moving to different apartments must be approached carefully. In some situations, this can do more harm than good. For example, if a son takes care of a single sick parent, then the freedom gained can lead to the man leaving the responsibility for a loved one. And this in no way contributes to the creation of your own family, because your own family is an even greater responsibility. It can also create serious problems for the sick parent. Therefore, before taking such a decisive step, evaluate whether you will render your son a “disservice”? And also think about how you yourself, without the help of your son, will cope with your part of household and other tasks.
Gently offer your son girls to create a family, be the initiator of dating young man. Under a good reason arrange "random" meetings. For example, ask a girl you know to carry your bags home, and then treat her to tea. Adjust the meeting so that the son is definitely at home. If young people like each other, their relationship can reach the wedding. The main thing here is not to impose, and after the son meets the girl, do not raise this topic anymore, they will handle it themselves and over time they will tell you everything if they like each other.
You can also ask a girl friend to help you figure out the computer or help you learn how to cook some new unusual dish. It is rare that anyone can refuse such a simple and harmless request, especially if the girl herself is interested in arranging her future family life. Try to organize your “classes” so that your son is at home and is not far from you. If he asks why you didn't ask him for help, tell him that you didn't want to distract him from business. After "training" it will not be superfluous to invite a wonderful guest for tea or treat her with the resulting dish. Don't forget to invite your bachelor too. You can ask him to open a jar of jam or do something similar so that his participation in the tea party is justified. It is during communication between young people that a cherished spark can flare up that will forever connect their destinies. During the conversation, it will not be superfluous to praise the girl a little, talk about her excellent teaching abilities, invite her to drop in for tea again.
Before making an appointment, carefully find out which girls he likes. There is no point in bringing a "blue stocking" or an uninhibited sex bomb into the house if they are not to the taste of a young man. Try to find out in advance which girls with what appearance your son is interested in, with what style of behavior. Rely not on your taste, but on the preferences of your bachelor, you first of all choose a woman for him, and not for yourself.
During a conversation with an unmarried son occasionally mention how you dream of being a mother-in-law How would you like to have a good daughter-in-law. It's kind of like an offering. Sometimes men are so focused on their careers that they simply do not pay attention to the arrangement of their personal lives. There is nothing wrong with a mother asking her son to marry. Such conversations do not look strange and out of the ordinary. Only they should not be in the form of tearful tirades and caustic remarks. “Everyone has been married for a long time, you turn up your nose alone.” "Aren't you able to find yourself a normal girl?" “I’m already ashamed to look into your eyes because of you! How long will you live alone?" Such sayings only set the son against you. He can go on principle and completely abandon the creation of a family. Forget these phrases and any reproaches in general, otherwise you will forever lose the trust and respect of your child. Just talk about how you would like a big family, a grandson, a house full of children's laughter. Do not press, do not pinch your son in the grip of baseless accusations and tears.
Not all men want to get married. Some prefer to replace family life with hobbies, work, entertainment. But family warmth is indispensable. When a mother sees that her son is suffering from loneliness, she tries with all her might to find a worthy couple for her child. There is nothing reprehensible in the fact that a mother helps her child in such a delicate matter. Just do not go too far and stubbornly impose your tastes on your son. Sometimes it’s enough just to deprive him of his usual comfort zone or help him expand his social circle a little. It often happens that it is mothers who introduce their son to his fate by inviting her for a cup of tea. And sometimes, if the son is wise and responsible enough, you just need to wait for the son to choose the best match for himself and give you a beautiful daughter-in-law.
