Family relationships are complex and multifaceted.
If a question arises what if my mom doesn't love me This means that it is necessary to understand in a complex way, since the reasons for this may be different.
Which is better: to love or to be loved? find out right now.
It's hard to believe that mother has no feelings for her child. However, in practice this occurs quite often.
Dislike is expressed in emotional detachment, coldness. The problems of the child are met with indifference, irritation, aggression.
In such families frequent criticism, accusations that he is bad, naughty.
If usually the parent wants to spend time with the child, then the one who does not feel a sense of love is removed. Games, care are burdensome.
Dislike for their offspring is common among mothers who take alcohol and drugs. In this case, the psyche changes, normal human feelings atrophy, and the need to satisfy one's needs comes first.
Difficulties with expressing feelings often arise fanatically religious mothers. In this case, a person has a distorted idea of the world, family, and his own offspring.
All life is subject to one idea, and close people must agree with it and correspond to a certain ideal. If the daughter, from the point of view of religion and the mother's internal ideas about correctness, is imperfect, then the parent ceases to love her.
For some women, the feeling disappears because her daughter let her down in some way. Moreover, the reason can be completely far-fetched, it’s just that the child does not meet some invented criteria.
Misdemeanors are even more serious when the daughter commits a crime, leads an immoral life, abandons his own children.
If there was love before, now it is being replaced by distrust, resentment, and the best way to restore peace of mind is to exclude a person from your life.
Resentment against parents. How to deal with resentment and anger at the mother:
Can a mother not love her child? The ability to show emotions is inherent in the type of nervous activity and character. Lifestyle also has an impact.
It seems incredible that a mother does not love her child, but it can be certain reasons:
Thus, the main reasons why a mother may not love her child are changes in the psyche, an initially cold mother, and daughter's actions that are difficult to forgive. Of course here Rarely is there a complete absence of love..
Most mothers still experience affection for their child, without even showing it outwardly or expressing anger and irritation most of the time.
Maternal instinct is in our genes. It may not appear immediately, or a person is initially cold in the outward expression of feelings, therefore he doesn't seem to like.
Why is it said that mothers don't love their daughters? It is widely believed that mothers love daughters less.
This is probably related to feeling of competition, the struggle for the attention of the main man in the house - the father.
A growing daughter reminds a woman of her age.
Such inferiority complexes are projected on the attitude towards your child.
Why are children loved differently? Learn about it from the video:
How to understand that a mother does not love her daughter? Let's look at the signs by which you can understand whether the parent really does not love you or it just seems.
Signs of dislike are usually felt from early childhood.
In some cases, the attitude towards the daughter changes already at an older age due to her actions or simply because the mother perceives her age and aging in a negative way.
Mom doesn't love me. The myth of holy motherhood:
The mother does not love her daughter. Unfortunately, the consequences of parental dislike affect the entire future life of the girl:
It's hard to live knowing that your parent doesn't love you. A person is forced to constantly be in suspense, to seek confirmation of a good relationship.
Disliked children. The influence of children's resentment on fate:
You have to realize that in life you are faced with such a difficult situation. Do not blame the mother for not being capable of love. This is her choice.
The main task- live, enjoy life, no matter what.
You are not responsible for the attitude of other people towards you, but you are able to control your own manifestations of the psyche and actions.
What do you do if your mother doesn't love you? Psychologist's opinion:
First of all no need to beg, demand love. You either have this feeling or you don't.
Look at your mother from the other side. She also has dignity, interesting aspects of personality.
Give her a chance to open up. The best way to do this is by talking. Unobtrusively be interested in her past, work, ask for advice.
It is not necessary that your mother love you, but you can become friends with her, close friends.
Her grumbling, nagging, perhaps such a peculiar way to express her love. Just for different reasons and traits she can't say those words out loud.
The mother-daughter relationship is undergoing various changes. If it seemed to you that in childhood you were not loved and appreciated enough, then in adulthood everything can change.
Your actions, your attitude towards your parents can make your mother finally see you as a person worthy of respect and love. Give her a chance to express herself, don't turn down help.
Is it really possible to make a mother love her daughter? It depends on many factors, character traits, the willingness of the woman herself to change, and her daughter accept mother for who she is.
If, as an adult, you were never able to feel motherly love, just accept it as a fact and try to maintain smooth, friendly relations as much as possible.
It also happens that family members stop talking at all.
Here - the choice of each person, and in some cases the only way to solve the problem.
Don't look for love where there isn't any, do not try to achieve attention and location by any means.
Be yourself, show your individuality, you don't have to be what other people want you to be. But at the same time, do not forget to appreciate loved ones at least for the fact that they gave you life.
Why are you unlucky in love? you will find on our website.
How to love a mother? Psychology of conflicts:
Throughout life, intentionally or on a subconscious level, in our actions we are used to focusing on someone else's example. First, in childhood, then in adolescence, and then as adults, we involuntarily draw an analogy in our actions with the actions of that person who is known for us as a kind of guide, a role model, a kind of idol. In the process of life, this kind of idols can change, but often they remain the same for many years. These mentors for us are, of course, parents. The relationship between a mother and her daughter has a special magnetism, extraordinary energy strength and an invisible strong bond. However, it often happens that the daughter's maternal warm feelings are not enough. And then she, in frank bewilderment, asks the question: “Why does my mother not love me?”
The advice of psychologists and their explanations on this matter are ambiguous, since at different stages of life between children and parents problems of a different nature arise - from pure childhood promiscuity and capriciousness to the stage of conflict and misunderstanding at a global level in adulthood.
In everyday life, we are used to seeing happy children next to no less happy mothers. Alas, the current ecology, poor heredity, as well as the decline in health indicators both among the category of elderly representatives of society and among the young urban population, entail frequent metamorphoses, in which quite healthy, it would seem, women suffer from infertility. Therefore, today for many of them the actual problem and the number one insoluble issue is the inability to become a mother. In such cases, unfortunate women with tears in their eyes and involuntary envy look at other representatives of the fair sex, who have already felt the joy of motherhood.
Contrary to the irresistible feeling of joy that every young mother should experience, today there are often such ladies who are not particularly happy about their pregnancy, and even more so motherhood. Regrettably, such non-standard trivial situations do happen among some of the fair sex. As a result, women who gave birth during an unwanted pregnancy are then unable to adequately show their feelings towards their own child. The unfortunate kid, being a child and then growing up as a full-fledged mature person, after that often asks the question: “Why did my mother never love me?”
In fact, there can be a lot of reasons for an unwanted pregnancy and subsequent dislike for your own baby. Which of them are the most common?
If we talk about the actual mother's hatred or antipathy towards her children, then we have clarified the most common reasons for the emergence of such feelings in the mother. But often an opinion like “Mom does not love me and does not understand! Why?" comes specifically to girls and boys in adolescence, when, due to their transitional period, they draw wrong conclusions and build erroneous assumptions against the backdrop of youthful impulsiveness and unbridled disposition.
At different age stages, the relationship between parents and children undergoes many changes. Known in psychology, age-related crises throughout life are determined by the formation of psycho-emotional development, first of a baby, then a child, then a teenager, an adult and a person of advanced years. It should be noted that early childhood plays a special role in the development of relations between a mother and her child. The kid looks at the reaction of his parent, adopts her feelings, emotions, mood. Looking at the reaction of his mother, he receives a call to action, repeating her facial expressions.
There are cases when women underwent a depressive-stagnation postpartum period. Indifference shines through in the eyes of such mothers, they are physically unable to give the baby warmth, affection, care. They do everything automatically. In fact, this kind of disorder leaves its mark on the development and knowledge of the world around the baby. He loses the lion's share of the warmth that he should receive from his mother in the first years of his life. Such dislike is not only sad, but also fraught with consequences for the unfortunate crumbs, because as a result, over the years, he develops an opinion that the dearest woman in his life does not need him. In the end, it's really scary when a child mentally scrolls the phrase in his head: "My mother does not love me." Fortunately, today this kind of depression can be eliminated by enlisting the support of loved ones, the influence of therapeutic techniques from a psychologist, and the restructuring of one's own beliefs and moods in favor of caring for the baby.
A slightly different color, but no less pronounced, is the relationship between mother and daughter in adolescence. The problems of fathers and children have always been talked about and will always be talked about. In addition, teenagers often experience this particular age in a turbulent state of imbalance of their perception and worldview with the surrounding realities. We were all once teenagers, we all know how actively at this moment we are adopting the position of youthful maximalism, how it seems to us that everyone around is saying and doing the wrong thing, forbidding us something, contradicting us, and so on. . Another age crisis, nothing more.
But it is during this period that the makings of misunderstanding between the adult and younger generations are determined. Children do not hear their parents, parents try to curb their children, rein them in, calm them down. And here often there are problems between mothers and their daughters. Young girls ask themselves questions about how to deal with parental “attacks” if it’s unbearable to communicate with their mother, for example, or if dad has become excessively harsh in terms of education. On the one hand, such behavior in most cases is considered to be far-fetched by adolescents, because, due to their teenage rebellion, they look at things too subjectively. The situation is quite typical for the average family of modern society. But there is also back side medals: girls’ thoughts like “My mother doesn’t love me” can be colored by the child’s manic conviction, based on some exaggerated judgments by himself. Such a mood should be stopped immediately, because often because of such a plan of youthful fantasies, running away from home in adolescence, committing eccentric acts, or, worst of all, committing suicide are observed.
The main causes of girlish frustration regarding unacceptable (through the eyes of children) behavior of parents can be their following judgments:
The described problem is gaining more serious momentum in adulthood daughters in a relationship with their mother. And if youthful maximalism projects problem situations based more on fantasized grievances that do not exist in real life, then an adult woman in disputes with her mother is guided by real facts. “Mom does not love my child”, “my mother continues to hate my husband”, “my mother only becomes more stubborn and angry with age” - such thoughts today are often visited by adult stately women who already have their own family and their children. Often, such behavior of mothers is explained by age: it is not for nothing that they say that old people are like children. Excessive resentment, manifestations of annoyance, frequent grief for no reason are inherent in women of advanced age more and more often. And on whom else should they take out the costs of their senile disposition, if not on children?
The aforementioned resentment is a common reason for women to wage internal internecine family wars. What do you do if your mom doesn't love you? Why is she behaving like this? How to get her location back?
The advice of psychologists develop a certain tactic of behavior in each case, but in general terms, the scheme of actions is as follows:
It is not uncommon for many girls to experience depressing family drama amid thoughts like, “It hurts me that my mom doesn’t love me.” Such maternal dislike may be a means of disguising a parent's disappointment in the actions or actions of her child, even if it is an adult. This does not always mean specifically the absence of maternal feelings in a woman. After all, we often invest a lot of effort in order to realize our dreams, in order to achieve a specific result. So are mothers: they send their daughters to dance lessons in anticipation of the ascent of beauties to the podium of the world dance floor, they pay fabulous sums to the state fund for their children to receive qualified education at a university with the expectation that they will work in their specialty.
Mothers always do everything for the benefit of their children, and when they respond in their own way, parents are not always ready to accept such an answer from their child, which contradicts the goals originally set. But in such cases, the judgment of sons or daughters like "My mother does not love me" is completely unfair. Perhaps the mother's frustration is just a kind of disappointment that she wanted to see her child happy, and that the concept of happiness between the mother and her child diverged.
The problem of fathers and children is eternal. Do you sometimes think that arguments with parents are endless and have no end in sight? Do you feel like your mom doesn't love you? How to live if you want to cry from parental injustice? All these questions often arise on the basis of some reckless conclusions made by children in their opinion about their parents. Only in dysfunctional families can we talk about the real reasons for parental dislike. But often the child's feeling of negativity on the part of the mother is due to his own fantasized and unrealistic guesses. Hot temper is one of the first criteria, based on which absolutely no conclusions can be drawn. In a quarrel or a scandalous situation, a person can throw into the air that phrase that he will later deeply regret. In view of this, all conflicts should always be attempted to be resolved in a sober mind and sound mind, in full steam, and not in a fit of anger. Then you can reach a consensus and avoid obsessions about how to live if your mother does not love you.
One can talk about such misunderstandings for a long time. The word "misunderstanding" is not used by chance. After all, it is the misunderstanding between mother and daughter, and indeed parent and child, that becomes the starting point, which later in the minds of young people is transformed into a problem of a more global level. "What if my mother doesn't love me?" - this question is often asked by those representatives of the younger generation who are confused in their own feelings and understanding with their parents. Yes, unfortunately, today there are many families in society that neglect social norms and principles, suffer from antisocial behavior, an immoral lifestyle, erroneous habits and aspirations. This can be discussed endlessly. But the percentage of such unfavorable and unhappy families, in comparison with normal average families, is disproportionately small. And it is in normal prosperous families that children still often have too much prejudice against their parents, and often specifically towards their mothers. The slightest parental disagreement, criticism, remark or reproach is perceived by children as a serious insult, an injection, a manifestation of negativity on the part of the mother. Or, even worse, indifference. For the most part, youthful spontaneity and adolescent subjectivity, the inability to assess the situation impartially, pushes children to such thoughts.
Why can't a mother love her daughter? Is it because she doesn't do her homework on time? No. Is it because she doesn't help her mother clean the house and manage the kitchen? Hardly. Because the mother has to sit with her grandson while her daughter manages her duties at work and transfers maternal responsibility to her grandmother? Of course not. All these reasons are insufficiently substantiated, they relate to the problem only indirectly. Is it worth blaming a woman who is offended by her child, flared up or expressed her discontent with dislike? Also no.
Psychologists recommend that we value the time that we have and use it correctly: devote more time to our parents, listen to their advice, please them with the appearance of grandchildren, make them happy with our frequent visits. No sane conscious woman can not love her child. And the existing problems are already derivatives of childhood fantasies, teenage exaggeration, and an age crisis. You need to learn to understand your mothers, respect them, forgive them for their harshness. After all, the day will inevitably come when it will be too late to correct mistakes. So why not try to mend the relationship now?
Mother. Two syllables, four letters. But how many songs, warm words and stories are in these letters. How much care or... suffering?
We used to think that motherhood is a kind of image that is inevitably associated with love and tenderness. The very word “mother” in the minds of many has become a kind of metaphor denoting care and affection. As it turns out, not everyone has such associations. You will be surprised, but we are not talking about children from dysfunctional families. We are talking about girls who had a completely normal childhood, a full family, went to a good school. But their childhood is normal in terms of meeting material needs, but not spiritual ones. Now we are talking about those daughters who were never loved by their mothers.
The mother does not love her daughter - such a formulation hurts the ear. This is no accident. It seems that such a situation is unacceptable in the average family. As it turned out, not everything is so clear. Many daughters live in such conditions all their lives, being afraid to say out loud to anyone: “Mom never loved me.” They hide it: in childhood they make up stories, in adulthood they try to avoid the parental theme.
When a mother does not love her daughter, this affects the entire further development of the girl, her formation, her personality, fears and relationships with people.
As a rule, “dislike” is expressed in the absolute emotional detachment of the mother from the child and in the regular moral pressure on the child. Sometimes it can even be characterized as emotional abuse of a girl. How do such relationships manifest themselves?
Often mothers are totally indifferent to children. Yes, they can feed them, give them shelter and education. However, at the same time, the connection between the child and mother necessary for the little girl may be completely absent (this is precisely the model of relations when the daughter can calmly trust her mother and receive support from her, sincere empathy for children's or adolescent problems). But, as a rule, such indifference can be completely imperceptible from the outside.
For example, a mother publicly praises her daughter and boasts of her successes, only this praise is the usual hypocrisy. When the conditional “audience” disappears, the mother not only does not pay any attention to her daughter’s successes, but also constantly underestimates her self-esteem when communicating face-to-face. The unloved daughter becomes a victim who, from a very young age, perceives the world through the prism of maternal indifference or maternal cruelty.
Consider a very simple and at the same time life example. While one girl brings home a “four” in her diary, her mother can cheer her up, instilling in her daughter the hope that the next time the mark will definitely be higher. In another family, a similar situation may end in a scandal, saying “again I brought home four points, not five!”. There are also options when the mother, in principle, does not care how the child learns. Constant negativity, as well as regular indifference, leaves an indelible imprint on the future fate of the daughters and their own future families.
“What if my mother doesn’t love me?” is a question many girls ask themselves too late. Often it comes to their minds already when the period of cohabitation with their parents is far behind. But it was he who shaped human thinking for many years.
As a result, already adult girls get a whole bunch of psychological problems based on previously received emotional trauma.
Once the question that arose in my head, “Why doesn’t my mother love me?” develops into the life position “No one loves me and has not loved me at all.”
Is it worth talking about the influence of such a worldview on relations with the opposite sex and with society as a whole? Maternal love not received in childhood leads unloved daughters to:
It is unlikely that the daughter can find a satisfying answer to the question why her mother does not love her. And she is looking for him in herself:
Of course, this approach will only lead to even greater immersion in problems and a decrease in self-esteem and self-confidence. But even having found the answer, it is difficult to radically change the situation. However, you can look at everything from the side.
Yes, parents, like the country, are not chosen. And you can't force love. But you can qualitatively change your own attitude to everything that happens in the family. If you are the same girl who has known all the “charms” of such an attitude on herself, you simply have to carefully work out the picture of the world that was created in your mind. It is worth understanding that not all people are friendly to you solely out of self-interest, and not everyone should be suspected of insincerity. It is not easy. Some cannot even accept the fact that they are valuable to someone. Perhaps, for a reassessment of values, it is worth asking for - this will certainly help to improve life and attitudes towards other people. The main thing to remember is that you yourself will become a mother. And a sincere manifestation of love for your own child is the best thing you can do for him.
Do not seek to please your mother, especially if, over the years of living with her, you have realized that any of your behavior is likely to be perceived indifferently at best, and at worst - with habitual criticism. Growing up without a mother's love is hard. But it is even more difficult to force yourself to change the pattern of your behavior. Even if your mother never loved you, she deserves respect for your upbringing, but not constant worries. Your task is to set yourself up to overcome ingrained scenarios and increase your own value in your eyes. Many unloved daughters were able to improve their lives by growing up. And you can, if you realize the root cause of your psychological problems. And it lies precisely in your question: “Why does my mother not love me?”.
Good afternoon, I am already an adult woman, I am 31, married for 3 years, and I myself am already a mother (my daughter is 2.5 years old). I was born in a family second child, I have an older sister (she is 33). For all 31 years, I hardly remember a kind word or touch .. My mother is a normal woman, she performed all her mother’s duties: feed, wash, scold. I could kiss her once a year on my own birthday. On this day, my name could appear on the card even with the ending -chka-, but only on paper, never in my life. Only now I understand that I have never heard the phrase "I love you" from my mother ever. We were not friends with her, we were people who just lived together. Why was I not worthy of her affection, why have I been carrying this all my life? I want to let go of this resentment and pain, but I can’t until I hear the answer why? I can’t ask, not only are we not close, there is an abyss between us all these years. Help me figure it out, help me look at myself in a new way, because it’s very hard to love yourself when you haven’t known this for 30 years. I have a husband who loves me, thanks to him, I know what love is ... I often dreamed that my mother would just hug me, kiss me and say that I am the very best !! With my older sister, things have always been different. All my life they believe and help her .. Until I got married, I had a dissonant surname, they teased me terribly in the class, I also had skin problems and they gave me nicknames. Since childhood, my sister doesn’t love me either, in case of any quarrel, she beat the patient, called me names just like they called me names at school. Mom preferred not to scold her, but simply drag us to the corners. The father never interfered. It was very hard for me when they were humiliated at school, when there was no mutual understanding at home. I thought about suicide many times at the age of 15-16. As an adult, I began to live separately, but my mother preferred to call once a week, while my sister every day (because she Small child), I am a completely normal woman, a school and an institute with almost honors, a long work experience (I grew up to a leader), I don’t smoke or drink, my husband is smart .. but anyway .. my mother doesn’t love me. My daughter is already 2.5, and my mother visited us only 5-6 times .. although we all live in the same city. Why such indifference even to the granddaughter? I was in the hospital, my mother didn’t even call .. although I knew .. I myself had a bad diagnosis since childhood .. I had all the symptoms .. but my mother didn’t go anywhere further than the polyclinics .. I couldn’t stand it and at the age of 15 I went to the hospital myself . When my daughter was 1.5 years old, we were kicked out of the dacha, because. the child often woke up at night and the older sister, who was resting there with her son for 7 years, was unhappy .. everyone had a terrible fight, and my mother and sister began to call my husband to pick me up with the child, although he only brought us (3 days have passed ), and this is 400 km from the city .., I went 30 km by bus to an abandoned house and waited a week for my husband .. and my mother .. didn’t even call .. where did we go? where we are, etc. The father does not interfere. For a whole year I do not communicate with my mother, father and sister. Very painful....
Unloved child. Children see things differently. Somewhere easier, somewhere more painful. The dislike of mother - the dearest and closest person - can be felt by the skin when mother screams and punishes for no reason, when you hear so many rude insulting words from mother's lips, when you are a daughter, and mother is always more affectionate with her brother, and demand from you is always higher .
The child feels everything. And even if you don’t openly tell him: “I don’t love you!”, The child knows, although he does not understand. The child reaches for his mother, approaches and hugs. Mom is always cold, does not say kind words, never praises.
A person grows, matures, understands more and more, sometimes in the conversations of adults something like “... she gave birth to a daughter, but I wanted a son, and it was a pity to refuse, what would people say?” or "I gave birth to her so hard that I could not love." And here is a man 20, 30, 40 years old. And all harder relationship, increasingly difficult to find mutual language with her mother, and it is no longer easy for her to hide her irritation.
What to do? Refuse to communicate? Move away and cut off all ties? Not an option. Mom, even if not loving, still remains a mother. And in such a situation, for sure, it’s not easy for her either. After all, she does not feel tender feelings for her child, and has not learned to love like everyone else. And, of course, he blames himself for it. But my mother is not a cuckoo, she didn’t leave, she didn’t refuse, she brought up, as it turned out, she tried to give everything she could. Let her be unfair more often, and ignore the rest of the time.
Let's try to deal with the situation ? The most important and most difficult thing to do is to forgive mom for her missing feeling. And let your mind understand that my mother did not refuse, apparently only because she was afraid of the condemnation of her act by others. And let the confidence sit somewhere inside that if the parents already had a child of the same desired sex, you would hardly have been given a chance to live. However, they gave a chance and did not leave it in the maternity hospital. And brought up. And they cared. So the next thing to do is to thank my mother for life and for the house, for her efforts and for her care.
love yourself. It's also not easy to do. Without receiving affection and love all his life, a person, as a rule, does not treat himself very well. We must try to overcome this barrier. The following training is very suitable for this.
At a time when you are alone and no one can interfere. We turn off the phone. You can turn on quiet calm music as a background. Get comfortable, close your eyes. And pretend to be a child. Do not remember yourself, namely, mentally become a child, return to this state of mind. And love yourself as a child with all your heart, with all your soul. Call yourself the most affectionate words, look into your eyes, smile. Envelop this child with all the love that is so lacking right now. Hug yourself as a child, shake in your arms. You can sing a lullaby or do something else that you wanted to get from your mother, but she could not give. To return to the current state, while maintaining this feeling of love and warmth.
Don't get hung up. It is necessary to stop constantly thinking about what mom does not like. Take it for granted and let it go. It's hard and painful to let go of resentment. But you have to say goodbye to her in order to open your heart to happiness.
Love mom. Yes, oddly enough, but resentment takes the form of love, and we ourselves, being offended, call our resentment love. But we have already let go. Now we need to let love in. To do this, you can use this training. Put your mother's photo in front of you or just imagine your mother's image. Remember how mom smiles, moves, what kind of voice she has. Mentally return to childhood again and remember rare pleasant moments, delicious mother's pies or how mother sits at needlework. Try to think of your mother with tenderness.
Build relationships. It all depends on the circumstances that exist in the present. Of course, call your mother and right off the bat: “Mom, I know that you don’t like me, but let’s keep in touch!” - will be rude, stupid and inappropriate. And let's make it a rule to call my mother at least once a day and be interested in her well-being, affairs, her worries? It would really be a good start. Talk about your affairs, ask for advice or be interested in your mother's opinion. Make mom feel needed. When love comes from a person, it compensates for the love that a person has not received from the outside.
Of course, the advice is very general and you need to adapt to your story. And, besides, there are very difficult situations when you can’t get along with the idea that your mother does not love. In this case, the best way out will be a visit to a psychologist. It should also be taken into account that people make mistakes. Sometimes behind the “endless empty nit-picking and eternal control” is the desire to patronize, anxiety for the child and great motherly love.
Tips are more suitable for women.
