As statistics show, any breakup of a family is perceived, especially by a woman, as a natural disaster, which is incredibly difficult to survive so as not to break down. Hearing that he wanted to leave will be extremely painful for any woman. Naturally, this is a catastrophe when the familiar world collapses, and all the time lived together seems to depreciate. The ground is being knocked out from under your feet and it is completely incomprehensible how to live on.
- My husband said that he no longer loves me and left! - So, sobbing loudly, my girlfriend Irka complained to me on the phone.
How could he fall out of love with me and leave? What should I do now? At least get into the loop! Life is over! Who needs me now, and even with two children?
This is the finale of their family relationship, I did not expect. To hear that Slavik fell out of love with Irina and wants to leave is beyond my understanding. But is it the final? Did he really fall in love with her? It was hard to say. Irishkin and her husband could easily describe a love story in any novel. Beautiful courtship, a wonderful couple, to the envy of many spiteful critics, wonderful children-weather, just like in a movie familiar to all of us painfully in the heart - a boy and another boy. Total: I gave birth to two wonderful boys, I’m not afraid big word risking his life, Irishka to her husband Slavik. Since childhood, Irka has not shone with good health, therefore, to give birth and raise two sons - the weather, for her body, well, just a feat worthy of loud applause.
I can’t say that Slavik didn’t help - he took part in the upbringing and organization of life as best he could, at least it seemed to him so. And Ira didn’t always think so - the lion’s share of all household chores lay like a dead weight on her, but she never complained about her husband, she was understanding: he was very tired after work, he had to rest, recuperate. No one cared much about Irka's own strength, which again had a noticeable effect on her health, and, consequently, on her appearance. At the time of such a “life-affirming” statement from Slavik, after which his wife wanted to “get into the noose”, their family lasted for ten practically cloudless, as it seemed to her, years. I sat with Ira in the kitchen and comforted her as best I could.
- Nothing, Ir, today he said that he fell out of love and left, tomorrow he will crawl back again, you'll see!
And she, as always, justifying him, blamed only herself for all the sins:
- I launched myself, became not interested in him, did not pay him due attention - so he left!
And so on and so forth. A sort of “crying of Yaroslavna”, unfortunately, is a regularity for most abandoned women. Is it true that only Irka was to blame for the fact that her husband fell out of love? And was it really her fault that he left? As far as I remember, not a single friend faced a similar problem. Why is this happening, why did he say that he fell out of love? As they say, the age-old Russian question: who is to blame? And what to do? Let's try to figure it out...
Down with emotions! Just think - he left, think - he said that he fell out of love. Of course, here it is difficult to “not turn on” tears, it is impossible not to engage in self-discipline and self-digging. To, so to speak, finish yourself off completely. It is difficult not to unleash the full range of anger on the offender. As the saying goes: "Our indignant mind boils!" After what he said - to remember the husband "the years torn from life"! However, it will be much better if any decisions and actions are implemented on a “cold” head, devoid of any emotions.
Revenge is a dish best served cold! Of course, you should not take revenge on your husband. Life is much wiser than us and in time it will put everything in its place. And if someone deserves punishment, then life itself will do it much more gracefully than you. So you don't have to worry about this at all. However, in order to recover and gain strength to live on, the first thing to do is to stop self-flagellation and hysteria.
Try to look at this problem, as it were, from the outside. A cool head and a sober mind are your main allies!
I declare with absolute certainty - nothing like that! Yes, your husband left, left you, trampled on you, humiliated you, said that he had fallen out of love. There can be many reasons for this, we will not go into details now and analyze them. But the right thing - he said, does not mean that he really fell out of love. And at the same time, you are going through a difficult period and, most often, you only blame yourself, which is fundamentally wrong. Both are always to blame for any conflict.
However, the husband did not have the desire and patience to try to cope with family problems and he simply fled. As blasphemous as it sounds, he has the right to fall out of love and leave. You just have to accept his choice and "learn to live with it." Live in a new way, without it. No matter how painful it is, you won’t be forced to be nice. Can you force someone to love you? Are convulsive attempts to impose ex-husband your point of view on the problem and your rejected love ever lead to a happy ending? Nothing like that pops up in my memory. But what about “fighting for your love” and “trying to save your family,” you ask?
Naturally, it will not be superfluous to just talk to your husband, without humiliating yourself and not throwing tantrums, without clinging to him, try to find out the reason for leaving and determine whether it is worth trying to save the family. Alternatively, you can contact a family psychologist.
In any case, remember that you are a living person, with your own desires and needs, and, above all, you have the right to realize them.
It would be nice to remember this motto and repeat it to yourself, when once again an attack of self-flagellation comes up. No matter how trite it may sound - we must live on. Engage in self-development, try to set and master new goals and horizons. Time is the best healer and you yourself will not notice how, having become interesting for yourself in a new way, other people around you will also be interested in you.
The pain and resentment from betrayal will pass over time and their place will be taken by readiness for some new, positive emotions, possibly new feelings.
How to whom? First of all, to the children and to myself! Yes yes exactly! And it would be nice to always remember this. Babies in a situation where parents part is incredibly difficult. They need your support. And in order to provide it, you yourself need to be strong and with dignity and wisdom to survive this hardest page of life together with your children. So, the husband said that he did not love and left? Ignoring all your attempts to get through to him with requests to save the family.
Despite the happily lived years, how much you had to go through and endure together, the common sorrows and joys, the children who need both parents like air. 
The answer is unequivocal: to sob, pull yourself together, wipe the snot and LIVE! To live on! Take care of yourself and your children, make new plans and gradually implement them, play sports, read, travel (at least in the area in which you live, because everyone has different opportunities), it is possible to change jobs, do something new. Only forward and not a step back!
This is exactly what my wise friend Irka recited to me after a couple of months of moaning, who managed to pull herself together, not break down and overcome the situation. That's exactly what she repeated to me when, not without irony and self-satisfaction, she said that Slavik, noticeably battered by his single life, as I had promised her then in the kitchen, crawled to ask me back. Does she need him now? Big question. But that's a completely different story.
"Why doesn't he leave his wife?" - such a question is often asked to psychologists by mistresses, exhausted by the expectation. Indeed, why? After all, he says that he fell out of love with his wife, that he loves a new girlfriend, he cannot live without her ... At the same time, he continues the life of the “autumn marathon runner Buzykin”, feed his beloved with promises and ... remains in the family. And it goes on like this for years...
frame from the movie "Autumn Marathon"
"Why doesn't he leave his wife?" - such a question is often asked to psychologists by mistresses, exhausted by the expectation. Indeed, why? After all, he says that he fell out of love with his wife, that he loves a new girlfriend, he cannot live without her ... At the same time, he continues the life of the “autumn marathon runner Buzykin”, feed his beloved with promises and ... remains in the family. And it goes on like this for years...
Excuses list
In fact, everything is simple. In order for everything to remain the same, the man has good reasons. All of them are standard and predictable.
1. The wife became different: she stopped taking care of herself, became unattractive. Nothing connects them with his wife for a long time, they are strangers and simply coexist. Of course, they have not slept together for a long time.
Actually this is a lie. In ninety percent of cases, the wife is a normal, attractive woman, with whom he quietly continues to live a normal life. Yes, sex does not happen as often as before, because he is somewhat bored with it, but still he performs "marital duties" as before. It is known that a man needs novelty. A new girlfriend becomes a cure for boredom: she excites him, heats his blood, with her he feels in demand, courageous, desirable, feels young.
2. The wife does not look after the house, children, neglects household duties. She is only interested in friends and work.
In fact, in most cases, everything is fine in the family: there is a three-course dinner in the refrigerator, the apartment is cleaned, the children are well-groomed. We all know that modern women try to keep up on all fronts: they go to work, earn money, and in the evenings work hard at home, cook food, take care of children.
3. “My wife is sick, I'm afraid to upset her. She will not bear my leaving, it will finish her.
Oh, these songs about a sick wife ... In fact, the spouse is alive and well. If you want to verify this, look for her page on social networks.
4. “I only live with her because of the kids.”
This could be true here. Although the presence of children will not stop most men from divorce if they really decide to leave the family. You can be a good father even after a divorce.
5. “I will divorce when the child graduates from school, college, gets a job, gets married, marries ...” (fill in the necessary).
Waiting for a child to achieve this or that can last for years and even decades. The child has long grown up, and things are still there, new reasons are being invented.
6. The beloved should be sent on an important business trip (promoted, etc.), and a divorce will prevent this.
“Not a single man who has a mistress told her that his wife is very good, satisfies him in bed, while being a good mother and mistress,” says psychologist Victoria Fadeeva. - No one! The psyche of men is arranged in such a way that they do not like change, and change their lives only in one case: if they are completely not satisfied with life with a woman. If a man does not want to change anything, it means only one thing - that everything suits him. There is no other option. If your loved one does not consider it necessary to change anything, it means that they are connected with their wife much more than with you. Each of you plays your part in this performance. The most profitable role went to your man. You satisfy many of his needs, he has romantic sex, a fairy tale, novelty of sensations, satisfied pride and the ability to control the situation, because at any moment he can get up and leave, referring to the fact that his "unloved" wife is waiting for him. And at home he receives satisfaction of a different order, and this “other” is no less important to him than yours. And perhaps more, since he worries about the psychological comfort of his wife, but not about yours. Your beautiful story that he does not love his wife is your vision of the situation. This is your perspective. You don’t see their relationship, you don’t watch them from the sidelines, you don’t live that family life…”
He is cozy and comfortable
And why would he, in fact, break his life and go somewhere? He has everything: a well-established life, a house, children. When he comes home from work, his family meets him and rejoices. On weekends and holidays, they go with the whole family to their parents or go with their children to the museum, to the skating rink. They are all right.
Yes, the man is somewhat bored with family sex, it has become prosaic, it lacks sharpness, novelty. But that's what a mistress is for. She is always waiting, always happy, always ready. She carefully prepares for each date: she puts on makeup, does her hair, dresses smartly. Her eyes sparkle, she serves a beautiful dinner, then there is rough sex with passions. Everything is wonderful! Why would he change anything? Why should he destroy his established life and embark on a “new voyage” with many unknowns? ..
Family is not only sex-love-romance
Family is more than that. This is a common life, friendship, trust, support. This is the history of relationships, common memories, a single social circle, multiple family and friendship ties. Finally, this is a longstanding habit. Having a family, a man has a strong social position. Giving it up means being in a void. And this is a very difficult feeling.
In addition ... And how to divide property during a divorce: an apartment, a car, a summer house, a garage and much more? Who will the children stay with? After all, they have to pay alimony, and this is a serious burden on the budget. Too many problems pile up, a man turns away from them, he does not need them.
Of course, inventing reasons why he cannot leave the family, a man realizes that he is deceiving his mistress. From this it is difficult for him, in his soul he worries. Then he begins to deceive himself: “Someday later I will do it. Definitely ... ”He comes up with some deadlines for himself and constantly pushes them back. Now it seems to him that he is not deceiving anyone, only objective circumstances interfere for some reason.
What is the other woman to do?
For example, put a condition in front of him: “Get a divorce or it’s all over!” But this can be done only when the passions are still strong, when they seethe and boil. During this period, a man is in love, he lost his head from attraction, novelty. This usually happens in the first year of a relationship. And then the usual routine begins to creep up. Even if the relationship continues to exist, they become more everyday, ordinary, not so exciting.
Therefore, if the beloved really understood that this is the man of her life and wants to be with him to the end, then she must set a condition and a tough deadline for him: “If you want to be with me, first get divorced. Now leave. I give you two months to make a decision and do everything. Otherwise it's all over and don't come back." And close the door behind him. Do not answer calls, text messages, delete him from contacts. If only the woman cannot stand the separation and breaks down, let him in again - all is lost. A man will understand that she will always forgive and accept him. Such a relationship can last for years and break a woman's life. She will lose a few years, grow old, go rancid. It can take a long time to restore peace of mind.
According to statistics, 85 percent of unfaithful husbands are not going to leave the family, says psychologist Natalya Mikhailova. Other experts cite the following figure: only 12% of unfaithful husbands divorce their wives and marry their mistresses. It turns out that only one out of seven or eight men is ready to start building a new life for the sake of his beloved.
“Statistics show that if a man does not change anything in his life within a year from the moment the romantic meetings began, then with a 99% probability he does not want to build a relationship with this mistress,” continues Victoria Fadeeva. - Love story more than a year is unlikely to have a serious continuation. What to do? Change the behavioral script. Stop being "nice". Claim your rights, set boundaries, set conditions. If your man really values you, he will take responsibility for making the decision and stop living in two houses. Having set the conditions, be consistent, do not compromise, think about yourself and your future.”
Inna Kriksunova, for Fontanka.ru
Husband fell out of love, but does not leave. What to do in such a fairly common situation? Life offers a choice of several options for solving this issue. They differ radically, but each of them has the right to exist. Let's take a closer look:
More often let go of yourself, give a break from joint communication - this is the most effective way. Football, a bath with friends, going to a fitness club - this is what we hate in our men. But the loss of a sense of inner freedom can cause serious inner panic in them.
Arrange joint holidays more often, go out with friends not to nature, just take a walk in the silence of the city park. This will allow you to feel the closeness and kinship of souls. Confidence that only together you can win will contribute to the unification of kindred souls.
That is why self-care is important for all, without exception, women. Moreover, over the years, only more need it. The longer the relationship, the more carefully you need to monitor all the nuances of your own appearance. A man loves with his eyes.
Making a scandal is easy. But in what light will you show yourself? If the relationship is stretched like a bowstring, is it worth pulling it even more? It is likely that the downpour of feelings will dry up quickly. And in your soul, your soul mate will remain grateful for your heart wisdom.
Don't ask too much. Don't pressure him all the time. Let the male ego show. Don't be afraid to show your dependence on him. Strong men feel stronger next to a weak girl. Two strong personalities in one area closely. Sometimes, in order to win, you have to retreat significantly. Such a maneuver has been proven by the all-powerful time.
Fight and conquer all the obstacles that will arise on the way to a happy life. Do not despair. Don't make hasty decisions. You can always cut off the shoulder. You can be forever late with creation. That's what's scary. And together with a person to whom you are not yet indifferent, you are able to move mountains. Believe it. And good luck to you.
Unfortunately, love does not stay with us forever and over time it is replaced by habit. When a couple has been married for many years, the spouses get used to, become attached to each other, sometimes not noticing that something has changed in family life. However, the woman suddenly feels that her husband has become cold to her, does not seek intimacy, is removed from participation in family affairs.
If a husband has fallen out of love with his wife, but does not leave the family, then what to do? Is it possible to somehow improve the situation, return the old relationship? Let's find out the opinion of psychologists on this matter:
Why doesn't he leave?
Psychologists note such a feature of the stronger sex - the older the man, the more difficult it is for him to give up his usual way of life, family life and the comfort that he gives him. Therefore, if there is no strong feeling on the side, husbands rarely leave. They do not want to change stability, the usual way of life for the unknown and uncertainty.
Even having cooled down to his wife, he will return home from work, lead a normal life and will not be the first to start a conversation about divorce.
How to get his love back?
For a woman, such a situation, when she does not feel loved and desired, is akin to a disaster. Many lose their nerves and they begin to sort things out from morning to evening, although this makes no sense. You can only run into rudeness. Instead, psychologists advise to calm down and think about how to return the old feelings and win his attention again.
Start with the main thing - look at yourself in the mirror. It is known that men love with their eyes. Most women try to "look" at work. And at home they consider it possible to walk without makeup, in curlers and an old dressing gown. Over time, this kind of beloved woman will extinguish the feelings of any man, and the beloved suddenly becomes not loved, but ordinary and familiar, like slippers.
So go to the hairdresser, to the beautician. Sign up for a gym, buy nice new clothes, for the house. In general, take care of your appearance.
Love yourself, cherish and cherish, laugh more often (even if through tears). Behave in such a way that he understands that the light has not converged on him. But don't hide the fact that you love him.
Hug, kiss, praise and admire. And most importantly, stop sorting things out, do not pester with the question: do you love me or not? This question most men, most often, just infuriates. You can hear such an answer that you will regret it later.
Many wives are completely absorbed in caring for children. Therefore, a man does not have enough attention and care for years. Notice him, finally. Constant talk about school, upbringing, lack of money, boring soup and constant reproach and sadness in the eyes of his wife is not the best way to revive feelings.
Send the kids to grandma's for the weekend, and the two of you go somewhere. And in the evening arrange a romantic dinner, and then - sex. Yes, yes, it is rough sex, which is one of the main components of a happy marriage.
Start living in harmony with yourself. Remember that you are a woman. Change. Men are like a mirror reflecting our changes. As soon as you change your attitude towards yourself, he will immediately notice you again. Then there is every chance to regain his attention and love.
Life is unpredictable. When everything is good in family and professional life, like a bolt from the blue, problems can come up, up to divorce or dismissal. In family life, everything cannot always be smooth, spouses cannot always be at the peak of romantic relationships and passion for each other. Often there is a decrease in attraction, loss of romance and feelings. If the husband has fallen out of love, the signs of what to do in this case - we will consider below.
After a certain period of family life, most spouses experience a cooling of feelings. These feelings will not necessarily remain withered now for life, often this is a temporary phenomenon. However, it also happens that you have to come to terms with the end of a relationship. When a similar situation arises, a woman most often asks herself the question: "If a husband has fallen out of love, what should I do?" In the case when circumstances have developed this way, it is worth first deciding: is this a far-fetched problem or reality?
As a rule, cooling in men occurs due to the behavior of the wife. If the husband fell out of love, what to do? We need to understand the reasons for what happened. For example, after giving birth, a wife ceases to take care of herself, walks in a worn dressing gown, after the birth of a child she began to pay more attention to the baby than to her husband. The spouses have different interests, and they communicate little. Also, the desire to have a close relationship is reduced when the husband and wife are violated and, as a result, quarrels appear.
It is very good if the spouse consults with a psychologist who can competently explain how to behave when the husband has fallen out of love, what to do, and give advice on how to get out of the family crisis.
Identifying the "symptoms" of cooling is not so difficult, here are typical ones:
Answering the question of what to do if the husband has fallen out of love, the advice of a psychologist is ambiguous, but there is one main line of behavior - calmness, only calmness!
Having a warm heart and a cold mind, a wise woman will be able to go through all the difficult moments of married life without great losses. Having learned about what to do if the husband fell out of love, and having comprehended the advice of a psychologist, wise wife will come to the conclusion that depression and scandals with showdowns will not bring any benefit! The husband will only become more annoyed and, most likely, will try to quickly hide. You should not count on pity either - this is not the feeling that affects the strength of marriage.
After the woman calms down, it is necessary to analyze the situation, to establish a causal relationship. This will help eliminate the cause and most likely restore the relationship. In order to understand what to do if a husband has fallen out of love with his wife, you need to listen to the advice of a specialist. And it’s not enough just to listen to them, you need to want to change your life, to do something for this.
Visits to such specialists in our country are not very widespread, but you should not neglect visiting a knowledgeable professional. To build relationships, you also do not need to forget about your appearance. Almost the first active action of the wife, of course, should be a trip to a beauty salon: pedicure, manicure, hairstyle, self-care tips. After that, you definitely need to buy a new thing - it significantly improves your mood.
A woman should try her best to understand the reason for her husband's separation. It can be:
When the husband said that he fell out of love, what should the wife do if reality is against her? Whatever happens, thoughts should be only positive! The negative is enough. After self-soothing, the second main element is patience.
Of course, it happens that no actions on the part of the wife help, and the husband made the final decision - to leave. Then you need to make sure that everything has been done to save the family, and, placing responsibility on him, let him go. If the husband fell out of love, what to do? You can’t keep him against his will, but you can give him the opportunity to figure it out, to be alone with himself, even to try a new one. family life. In most cases, men repent.
If repentance did not overtake him, then why love the one for whom you mean nothing? Happiness is the work of man, and life is very short. Live and breathe deeply, so yours is yet to come!
If it is impossible to save the family, especially if there are children in it, you should not set the children negatively and take revenge on the husband in this way. On the contrary, remain friendly, wish your husband happiness, and explain to your child that this is life and, unfortunately, not everything in it happens according to our ideas. If the husband fell out of love, what to do? In this case, remember also this truth: what is good for one case, it will not work at all for another! Therefore, in no case should you "flog a fever" - everything must be weighed and, with a cautious approach, try to return the relationship.
