Grandmother, grandmother, grandfather, grandfather. Whatever your grandchildren call you, it is you who can significantly affect their lives. Below are 5 ways you are helping the next generation without even getting out of your chair.
To grandchildren, grandparents seem old. But thanks to this, you make it clear to your grandchildren that your favorite life difficulties can be overcome. Perhaps you have scars, both physical and mental, that you can tell your grandchildren about.
Advice: you lived long life and you have a lot of experience. Share this experience with your grandchildren. Stories that are close to children in age will be especially important. For example, your experience of being bullied at school or treated unfairly. Or maybe something about how you strove for independence as a child. What you say to your grandchildren is very important.
Since grandparents are not parents, they can often say something to children in a more neutral tone than parents. If you ask your grandchildren about school, they are more likely to share the news with you than with mom and dad. Also, if children don't want to do something, like homework, they'd rather tell you than their parents for fear of their anger or disappointment.
Advice: talk to your grandchildren. Ask them about their difficulties in life, and even if it seems funny or funny to you, listen to everything with understanding and without a smile. Be sure to give your child your advice about the situation, especially if he does not know what to do. Most likely, he will listen to you.
Children feel secure when they feel family ties. Why not enhance this feeling with stories about how it was "in your time"?
Advice: Tell your grandchildren about something that happened before they were born. Share family stories, especially funny stories about parents of children.
When you get sick, take medication, or have surgery, you are helping your grandchildren learn important life lessons. Thus, children are faced with the concept of aging, physical limitations and death. This will teach your grandchildren to be more attentive to family members, especially older ones.
Advice: although it is hard to ask for help, you should do it, especially when it comes to grandchildren. You can ask younger children to draw a picture for you or bring your jacket. You can always ask older grandchildren to help you get dressed, cook something, or even take you somewhere. This process will help your grandchildren begin to realize their power.
Funny phrases of grandparents are remembered by grandchildren for a long time. Don't forget to show your kids the comical side of life. Explain that even though life sometimes seems like a series of setbacks and problems, you can always look at everything with a bit of humor.
Advice: make sure you don't make fun of your grandson. You can laugh at yourself and your mistakes, or you can find stories from books and films that demonstrate the absurdity of some life situations.
Given all of the above, it is worth adding that simply having grandparents helps not only grandchildren, but also their parents, your children. Raising children is not an easy process, full of surprises and mistakes. Therefore, your experience and advice will never be superfluous.
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Grandmothers often do not have a soul in their grandchildren. Gifts, walks, treats, sometimes even ignoring parental prohibitions. But does such a relationship with grandchildren benefit the family?
Lyudmila Shepeleva, a consultant psychologist and grandmother of a beautiful granddaughter, tells about how to enjoy communication with grandchildren without pulling the blanket over you.
I saw a question from my mother on Facebook about the fact that the child does not leave the grandmother, and the grandmother accuses the mother of jealousy. In short, women are confused. I am a grandmother myself. It's been a little over three years now. And I love my granddaughter Eva very much, and I am ready to see her a hundred and fifty times a week. Break the mess, play hide-and-seek, build towers, drop Christmas trees and laugh in a way that only she can laugh.
We see each other more often on Skype, and when I don’t visit the children for a long time, I am bursting with an obsession that a girl can wean me, forget, and treat me like a stranger. Therefore, the desire to fly in and fill all its space with oneself is understandable. BUT!
I understand that my number is second. Initially and always. Number one is mom and dad.
My number two is common sense if I want kids to be happy.
My number two is a way to avoid stupid competition for Eva's love.
My number two is the understanding that the girl did not come into this world so that I would correct the mistakes in raising my own child and make me happy.
My number two is accepting children's approaches in raising their own child, and not imposing their "priceless" experience.
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Of course, grandmothers are the most experienced mothers. But they should not forget that this experience will not fall on their heads for young mothers and fathers. If they ask, I will answer, show, teach. Are they going their own way? Great! Watch, ask, learn.
Life has changed a lot. I was taught to feed the child with semolina, be sure to serve bread, for two years not to go anywhere with him and put him to bed, rocking. Eva travels with her parents and falls asleep, lying in bed listening to Anya's quiet lullaby or her son reading a fairy tale.
Being number two doesn't mean being eliminated. This indicates only the degree of influence of the grandmother on the life of the baby. I am always ready to be there, but without imposing my decisions regarding the upbringing of the girl, without overshadowing the importance of the parents and understanding that they remain the main educators.
In addition, I understand how IMPORTANT it is to agree on what rules I will not violate under any circumstances: how to feed the child, how to talk to him, how to dress, when to put him to bed, what to punish and encourage. After all, mom and dad spend most of the time with the child. So there is no need to interfere with them. And every adult should consciously accept everything that you discuss.
At the same time, I know that everyone needs to be consistent: if mom forbids something, then grandmother should not slowly allow it.
I always remember that children really appreciate my help. I also understand that it cannot harm: there should be peace and tranquility in the family, and normal relations between us all.
When I see how Eva runs to meet mom or dad and hangs on them, completely forgetting about me, I quietly rejoice. After all, their love, care, affection give her a sense of security, relieve her of irrational fears in the future, form adequate self-esteem and self-confidence, encourage creativity, program for success.
It happens that something goes wrong in the family: nervousness between grandmothers and parents, the child reacts inadequately to one of you, cries when one of you leaves ... Sit down and talk. Discuss your approaches. Say what you like and what you will never accept. Agree on the rules of interaction. I don't open America. It's obvious. True, more often people are silent and further and further removed from each other.
By the way. I think being a real parent means:
Sometime, maybe 10-12 years ago, my son expressed the idea that he wants me to raise his unborn child.
“I like the way you raised me, I want him to grow up the same way.
Most likely, he forgot about it. But I remember very well and distinctly, and still feel warm from such trust. True, this idea remained unrealized: I am a grandmother, and my number is second. And the opportunity to experience fatherhood and motherhood turned out to be much more exciting and tempting on a journey through the endless expanses of Life ...
More than 2 years ago, I began to regularly go to nursing homes and constantly communicate with my grandparents.
For myself, I regard this period as one in which the doors to the treasury of wisdom, knowledge and experience were opened to me.
My own grandparents have been gone for a long time, but I remember my period of life with them as sunny and filled with childish joy, because as long as there are your grandparents, you are grandchildren!
How wonderful to be a grandson! There is so much to discover and learn! The important thing is to just ask and talk. Talk...
About your family and parents. It is grandparents who will tell you many interesting stories about your family. Who did what, where he lived, etc.
I'm sure it will be an interesting story. For example, my grandmother whispered that we were from the Tereshchenko family.
She said to remember this. I loved to remember how strict my great-grandfather was, about a book that described our family, life and much more, which she had to burn in the oven because of the communists.
And I'm so sorry that she died when I was still in the 2nd grade and then I just listened to these stories like a fairy tale. Now it's hard to restore something.
It is grandmothers who will be able to tell the most entertaining stories and facts about your parents, which you may not even be aware of.
Talk to grandma about fashion. She will tell you about the styles of that time, how they sewed dresses themselves, will argue and scold the fashion of today - calling it shameless. But anyway, two women will always find mutual language in this topic.
About love. In this topic, grandmothers are more frank than grandfathers. Just don't talk about husbands! About grooms. Many grandmothers of their husbands did not wait after the war and remained widows for life.
And everyone had suitors, and every grandmother will gladly remember them and keep secrets with you about it.
Recipes and cuisine. It's a mystery to me - how can you know so many recipes? Our grandmothers did not have Google, the Internet and beautiful colorful books with step by step instructions, as we have with you, so each recipe has been "worked out" for years, or even decades.
Record and learn how to cook grandmother's pancakes, dumplings, pies and cherry jam. You will not find this in any Michelin restaurant.
Study and education. Not all of our grandparents had the opportunity to study. But some still studied and they will remember their school years with pleasure.
And you will tell how it was or is with you. You can solve a crossword puzzle together, play checkers or chess.
Grandfathers love to teach how to play chess. Buy and bring them some board game.
important people. Both grandparents and grandparents will tell you about it with pleasure. Almost everyone has met a "very important person" in their life and is proud of it.
Ask how and why? They will remember that moment of their life with joy and in all details.
War. This topic is complex. Many grandfathers suffered and were injured, and grandmothers became widows. But it is also relevant in our time, when hostilities in the Donbas are taking place in the country.
Be careful, she revives not the most pleasant memories in her memory, but having transferred the conversation about her end, grandfather’s back immediately straightens out and pride shines on her face. They like to talk about Victory Day.
There can be a lot of topics for conversation. Any questions about the past bring them back to their youth at the time of the conversation. Therefore, it is very important to make time for such conversations and give grandparents this feeling of "need", "interesting" and joy.
There are some tips on how to talk to older people.
You must remember that at this age they may have health issues that make it difficult to speak and understand. For example, hearing loss. Therefore, you should speak a little louder so that everyone is comfortable.
Speak as clearly as possible and make eye contact.
Use clear and precise questions and sentences.
Take a grandfather or grandmother by the hand - this contact is very important for them!
You are the closest and dearest person to them. You will see with what trepidation they will hold your hand, and grandmother may still try to kiss her.
Do you know what else is important for older people?
To know that they did not live their lives in vain and it is so important for them to hear "thank you" from you for their care, even if it was not as much as you would like. Do not judge, but love.
Communicating with a large number of grandparents in nursing homes, I can say with confidence that the answer to one question is important for everyone: "What have I done in my life and is there anything to respect, love and remember me for?".
Yes, this is the question that people most often ask themselves at the end of their lives.
Think about it. We still have time to live our lives in such a way that the answer to this question is worthy.
Grandparents in nursing homes are a pain. Often they do not have grandchildren and relatives, no one will say "thank you" to them. They leave with a stone in their hearts and without much joy.
I understand very well that in our society there is a shortcoming that we all have begun to work on - this is the attitude towards older people.
Somehow we missed this in education, in the formation of values in society. But it is never too late to realize this and start correcting the situation.
Right now - dial grandma or grandpa and ask "How are you?" and listen carefully to the answer.
If they are no longer with you, as in my case, we went together to a nursing home. After all, this is not our past - this is our future! And it is important to think about it today.
Olga Bondarenko , Gtin for the welfare fund Let "s help, project" Good old age"
Title photo photography33/
Dedicated to the memory of Olga Egorovna Voronovich ...
“Grandma and I are not close as relatives,- Once a friend complained to me, - and I have nothing to talk to her about. I kind of understand that I need to call her, and I call - but after answering “How are you, how are you?” the conversation crumples, fades, and quietly folds up. I must be a bad granddaughter…”
Honestly, this conversation impressed me to the core. How is it - nothing to talk about with your grandmother? Why? After all, so many topics for communication can be raised, so many interesting things to learn, so many happy memories to resurrect - you just need to pull them, half-forgotten, from the dark corners of your grandmother's memory, shake off the dust from them - and they will again sparkle with bright colors.
After all, old people like to remember the past, especially when the grown-up grandchildren are already sitting side by side and, with their mouths open, like little ones, heed every word spoken.
I have not spoken to my grandmother for 9 years. Just... yes, because she is no more. And I still, despite the past years, yearn - and this pain does not go anywhere, and probably will not go away.
After all, you can no longer sneak up quietly from behind, kiss your wrinkled cheek and exclaim cheerfully:"How are you, grandma? And let's chat with you a little bit ”... But, God knows, our conversations were the most interesting, the most entertaining, but simply - the very best ...
Lovely girls! Do you really not know what to talk about with your grandmother? Oh, I'll tell you. Moreover, I assure you that there are no more intimate conversations than those when two relatives communicate. So…
I know a lot about my grandmother. Almost everything, because we were close friends. And about my grandfather too, although I have not written a single line about him now. The main thing is the memory in the heart: it will not go anywhere, and the rest is unimportant.
Talk to your old people, people. Talk more often; even a short phone call can make the day brighter and the mood better. Speak with love: they gave you a lifetime, so give them at least half an hour a day in return - it's so little. And if possible, hug more: maybe they have very little time left.
Olga Arsenieva
Dear readers! How often do you communicate with your grandmother? What topics do you like to talk about? We are waiting for your answers in the comments!
