Many men are afraid that they will not pull it, especially if the material well-being of the family leaves much to be desired. Yes, it is understandable - the unstable situation in the world, the crisis, unemployment ... You will have to go on maternity leave, which means that only the husband will have to earn money for the family. He may have to get a second job or find a part-time job. The only thing you can do in this case is to think carefully and push your own until financial opportunities improve. And you should not forget about the housing issue - you will have to change the living space, because with two children it is already crowded to live in a one-room apartment or a two-room apartment.
To give birth to a second and subsequent children, when the family is barely making ends meet - this is selfishness on the part of parents.
It used to be everyone helped everyone, but now everything is paid. Children are an expensive pleasure and their birth should not be based only on “I want!”, “But Lenka gave birth to a second and nothing!”, “Mom says that a family with one child is not a full-fledged family”, “Everyone asks me - when we go for the second, and I have nothing to answer ... The birth of children should be supported by a reliable financial position.
SECOND CHILD: HUSBAND DOESN'T WANT TO CHANGE ANYTHING
It happens that the first child took both of you a lot of strength and energy, because he was restless and had some. It is clear that the husband wants to live in peace, for himself, to spend more time with you, and not listen to the daily cry of the baby and not get enough sleep. You don't have to blame him for this.
Everyone wants to relax, so your spouse, as the first-born grows older, relaxed, got used to it and began to enjoy fatherhood, and you want to break off all the buzz for him with the second child.
The only thing you can do is promise your husband that you will not restrict his freedom and attract him to. But before you promise this, consider whether you alone can cope with a newborn, fulfill and take care of a second child? If your maternal instinct is stronger than difficulties, you will be able to convince your husband for a second child. Only then do not complain that your spouse does not help you, and you pull the family and life on your own.
WHY ONE CHILD IS ENOUGH
In a man’s head, a completely well-established moral foundation could be created in the form that one child is enough, that it’s easier to live this way, you bear less responsibility, more free time is left to yourself. This is especially true for families where a boy was born first and men who themselves grew up in a family without brothers and sisters.
They do not understand how great it is when a child has someone to play with, someone to rely on other than their parents and someone to ask for advice.
Or maybe, on the contrary, the man grew up in a very large family, where the younger brothers and sisters bore older brothers and sisters, that there was always not enough money for anything, that there was also not enough parental attention for children, so the man decided that he did not want a repetition of his fate for their children.
SECOND CHILD: THE HUSBAND DOES NOT WANT TO, BECAUSE THE FIRST BURDEN
Many men do not want to have a second child, because they have cooled off towards their spouse and for them it is more of a burden than a desired and long-awaited offspring. It is difficult to do anything here, the only thing you can do is to carefully and subtly work on his life settings.
And it’s better to ask a psychologist for help with this question - he will definitely find common ground with her husband and change his mind in relation to children.
HUSBAND DOES NOT WANT A SECOND CHILD: PSYCHOLOGIST'S ADVICE
The first thing to do is talk to your husband. Without shouting, ultimatums, blackmail and tantrums. Calmly evaluate and weigh everything. A conversation can change a lot - just as a husband may want a second child, so can you refuse this idea.
Remind your husband that the baby won't arrive the next day and that it takes time for the baby to be born. Many men forget about it, but 9 months is quite a long time for which you can prepare for everything.
Since you already have your first child, most things for a newborn do not need to be bought at all. Surely you still have strollers, a crib, a high chair, a bath, toys, clothes, an arena and other things necessary for children. Tell your husband about it, because it will seriously relieve the financial condition.
Reassure your husband that you will not love him less. Let him not be afraid to become unnecessary and get in the way. After all, you somehow coped with the first child, and you will cope with the second. Yes, it will be difficult, but the main thing is to do everything together and not leave each other in difficult times.
HUSBAND DOES NOT WANT A SECOND CHILD: HOW TO GET PREGNANT
When persuasion, arguments, advice and consultation of psychologists do not help, you can resort to women's tricks. This can only be done if you are sure that your husband will not send you for an abortion. Yes, this happens too.
How many women find themselves in this situation! The theme of the husband's unwillingness to have a second child- very often rises on women's forums on the Internet. And when a woman presents this problem, her virtual interlocutors give a variety of advice: from a complete rejection of their own aspirations to deception of their other half. Today we will look at a few typical stories and try to find ways out of these difficult situations.
Lyuba and Viktor have been together for three years. They have a two-year-old Pashka. But all is not well in the family haven. For several months now, the quarrels of the spouses have become almost daily. The word “divorce” slipped through several times ... But Lyuba did not want a divorce! She loved Victor, and they also bought an apartment together and have been paying off the loan so far. And if there is a divorce, then how to share everything? How about Pashka? A lot of questions stood in front of Any. But then an interesting thought came into her head: what if she gives birth to another baby? He and Vitya will again rejoice at the first smiles, steps, words, and there will be no time to quarrel. “Yes, and he will not dare to leave me with two children,” - no, no, and it flashed through Lyuba’s head. Choosing one of the moments of calm, she voiced her desire to give birth to another baby. And this led to another quarrel with a showdown. Victor was categorical: the second child will now be superfluous in their family. And before Any there was a question what to do...
Should I do a second one? child"glue" that should hold the family together? For many women, this option seems to be quite correct. They count on a man's sense of duty, on his decency. They hope that the first toothless smile will melt his heart. Are these hopes justified? Definite answer: NO. A child, neither the first nor the second, cannot (and should not!) Be a means of keeping a man. Hopes for a sense of duty and decency very often remain only hopes. A man, feeling that he was “deceived” in some way, may generally refuse to communicate with a woman and a child. The woman experiences a whole storm of emotions, realizing that the bets are lost. The kid, "not working", becomes unnecessary. And the share of the unloved child unenviable: he will never receive enough warmth and care, he will always doubt his value to other people, and it will be difficult for him to build his own family. Even if a man stays after learning about pregnancy, even if he attaches himself with all his heart to to kid, this will not solve his problems with a woman. After all, something led to a "crack" in the relationship? And this "something" remained unresolved. If you are aware that the desire to have a second child comes from the desire to keep the spouse, hold the family together, stop. Most likely, your spouse does not want to plan a second now, and he is right. You need to first understand the relationship, resolve "acute" issues. Maybe even see a psychologist. And when calm reigns in your harbor again, you both want another successor to the family. And this one child will be a true symbol of new family happiness and tranquility.
For some time now, Polina has been absorbed in the dream of the appearance of a second child. Buying five-year-old Mila clothes and toys, she could not pass by small blouses, caps and sliders. The maternal instinct was so strong that Polina almost felt pregnant. She dreamed of a baby, fully aware of how difficult times await their family. But she was ready for an endless diaper conveyor, and Mila's possible jealousy, and temporary financial difficulties. She talked a lot with her friends who managed to acquire two children, and she understood that she would completely “pull”. She already wanted to start a conversation with her husband about planning, as she realized that she was already pregnant! With eyes glowing with joy, she told the news to her husband, but he was not at all happy ...
This situation is perhaps the most difficult for a woman. Realizing that she is pregnant, the woman realizes that she really wants this baby, she already loves him. And the husband either expresses dissatisfaction, or openly insists on terminating the pregnancy. Sometimes men are so categorical that they say: “either an abortion, or a divorce!”. At this moment, a sharp conflict arises in the mind of a woman: she wants to child, which is already growing in the tummy, and she, more than ever, needs the support of her husband. But she also understands that she can lose her husband and be left with two children if she keeps the pregnancy. What to do? To go on about her husband or keep the pregnancy under the threat of breaking up with him? This is the most difficult choice, and no one but a woman has the right to decide what to do with her. But still, we outline a few guidelines that will help in thinking about the decision. The most important point here is the threat of divorce. And sometimes a woman prefers to have an abortion in order to save the relationship. But an unpleasant surprise awaits many: after a while, the marriage still breaks up. And the woman remains with a sense of guilt before the unborn baby, and with bitterness that even this desperate step did not save the family. Why does abortion provoke divorce? First, having terminated a pregnancy, a woman not only experiences guilt, but also strong rage directed at her husband for insisting on this step. Even if a woman does not show this rage, she lives inside, and corrodes the relationship, like rust. Secondly, a woman losing confidence in her husband, because at such an important moment for her and the whole family, he insisted on an abortion, thus choosing the easiest path for himself and the most difficult for a woman. She begins to wait for the "trick" in other matters. Thirdly, the fact that a man insists on an abortion makes it clear to a woman that he doesn't appreciate her health, and that the value of their love (and child- the fruit of this love), is insignificant for him. Fourth, a woman after an abortion may decreased sexual activity. Often women avoid contact with their husbands. And since sexual relations in marriage are one of the pillars on which it rests, one more support becomes less. Of course, all this provokes conflicts and misunderstandings. Therefore, one should not think that abortion is a guarantee of “saving” a marriage, rather it is a direct path to divorce. You have a serious conversation with your husband (perhaps more than one). What can help a husband to give up the idea of an abortion:
Idea #1:"From the beloved husband of the beloved child I will never kill!" By stating this, you emphasize your attitude towards your husband, and also show how valuable the baby growing in your tummy is to you. It is very important to show a man that you already love child that he is not an abstract “fruit” for you, but a little man.
Idea #2: let your husband know child- a real little man. Show pictures of your ultrasound. Tell me what child still very small, but his heart is already beating. For men, the fetus, especially until the moment of the first shocks, is something abstract, as if not real. Help your husband realize that even before 12 weeks, this is a real little man.
Idea #3: explain that abortions carry complications of varying severity(this is indeed true). These are infections, inflammatory diseases, bleeding, hormonal disorders, subsequent ectopic pregnancies, infertility - this is not a complete list. Is your husband ready to doom you to these diseases? And all this, not counting the psychological distress. ... Polina's husband insisted on an abortion. "You put an end to our family life!” he said. But Polina decided to keep child. "We didn't talk about the pregnancy until 17 or 18 weeks, like it wasn't there," she says. “But then everything gradually improved, and he began to worry along with me. Now I see such a loving and caring father, which I have not seen with my eldest daughter, and I must say that the youngest loves him the most. But I was already 35 years old, and I wanted a second so much that I put my family well-being on the scales. I realized that my husband could really leave. I went against his wishes and insisted on my own. Maybe this is wrong, of course, two children should want, but it was in me, and not in him, that this child. Therefore, at that moment, it was I who made such a responsible decision - to save the baby. There are many such stories with happy endings. Husbands who reacted negatively to the fact of a second pregnancy became tender and loving fathers. Unfortunately, no one can guarantee that this will be the case. Therefore, try to avoid the situation of an “unexpected” unwanted pregnancy, and even more so do not deceive your husband by saying that you are protected or that “this day is safe”, in the hope that when the pregnancy becomes a fact, the husband will accept it resignedly. Try to convince your husband first, and then plan the pregnancy together.
One of the common reasons men do not want to have a second child This is the so-called "immature paternity syndrome". Their first children are often "accidentally" and they marry for this reason, guided by the firm hand of the future wife, or mother-in-law, or their mother. An "immature" father may also plan for the first child, because he needs it for status (for example, to maintain the image of a respectable father of the family). As fathers, they show themselves reluctantly, communicating with the child only after long prodding, and to the maximum shift the responsibilities of upbringing and care to the wife. When the wife of such a man begins to think about a second child and voices this dream, she may hear in response: “But then I won’t be able to change the car next year (go abroad, buy ski equipment ...)”. For these men, the letter "I" is in the first place.
Just such men are “unripe fruits” and send their wives for an abortion, despite all the arguments that she gives them. It is they who are able to embody the threat of "divorce if child leave it to life. And if they remain in the family where their second will be born child, then they will continue to shift responsibility to the wife (“you yourself wanted this child So bring him up now!”). In general, the fate of the wives of such husbands is unenviable. Is it possible to stimulate an "immature" husband so that he sincerely wants to continue himself in a second child? Is it necessary? Even if he reluctantly agrees, it will be very difficult to wait for help in education from him. He wants to live "for himself" too much, despite his marital status. In general, think a hundred times whether you are ready to educate child virtually alone, with the formal presence of his father by his side. Perhaps it is worth waiting until the husband "grows up", and perhaps this will never happen. Start your new pregnant journey, fully aware that you should rely only on your own strength.
Often men, even "mature ones", do not want to plan a second child because they are... afraid! None of them will admit it, but in fact it is. What are the most common male fears? First, this fear that he will not be able to "feed" his large family, because, at least for 1.5-2 years, he again becomes the sole breadwinner! Secondly, this fear of being "rejected" again, Bye child small Dads remember that when their first child was born, the wife spent almost all her time baby, and she didn't have the time or energy to cook, clean, and have sex. The man remembers this feeling of "abandonment" and does not want it to repeat. Thirdly, this fear of worsening relationship with wife. The vast majority of couples are experiencing a "crisis of the birth of the first child". It lies in the fact that with the birth of the first child, the husband and wife acquire new roles of “father” and “mother”, and mastering these roles is not an easy task. It takes time to understand what it's like to be a parent. And often this period is full of mutual discontent and misunderstanding. But in the mind of a man, the time of birth child strongly associated with memories of quarrels with his wife. And so fear arises: will the same thing happen a second time? Fourth, this fear of losing your wife especially if the first birth was difficult. No, no, and the thought will flash through the male head: what if the birth goes so badly that I have to raise children alone? This fear rarely comes to the surface, into consciousness, but subconsciously it is always there, and it is he who provokes numerous male “excuses”.
Is it possible to deal with men's fears, because these fears are sometimes not even realized by the husbands themselves? Difficult, of course, but quite possible:
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Idea #1: count the money. If you can figure out how much money will be spent monthly on diapers and other baby care, and you can show your spouse that this is quite feasible, even if he works alone, then half the job is done! Calculate how much is now monthly spent on family needs: clothes, food, payment of payments. Show him which parts can be temporarily cut in favor of diapers and undershirts. It might be worth it for you!
Idea #2: remind that the second baby will not appear tomorrow. Strangely, when women start talking about planning, this simple thought does not occur to men. But given that pregnancy will not come immediately, the family has some time left! And during this period, you can save up money, slowly renovate the room, and generally get used to the idea that soon the ranks of your family will be replenished with a new member.
Idea #3: remind the husband that many large things (the stroller, the crib and the rest of the dowry) were left over from the elder child, something you can buy with "maternity" or "postpartum" money. Relatives will give something else. So the main thing is the monthly content child, and it is quite feasible with a reasonable approach. And here, as they say, "the world is not without good people". Familiar mothers who have a baby will then be happy to give you little things!
Idea #4:"You are a worthy man!" Using this technique, you emphasize the headship and strength of your husband, as well as your love and respect for him. Marina, when talking with her husband about the birth of her second baby, said: “You know how many friends I have who simply do not want to have children from their husbands! They do not trust them, live with them more out of habit and see them mostly as flaws. I want child from you! I am glad that you are my husband, I love and respect you, so I want more children. This speech allowed Marina's husband to think that fatherhood is a gift of trust from his wife, it is recognition of him as a man and head of the family. And which man would refuse such a thing?
Idea #5:"Love isn't going anywhere!" This is an argument for men who are afraid that with birth child will once again recede into the background. This situation must be discussed in advance. For example, the way Tatyana did it: “Yes, I remember how often I had to eat store-bought dumplings when our first child was born. I remember sometimes you didn't have a fresh shirt because the machine was busy washing diapers. I sometimes lacked the strength to talk to you, and you must have felt lonely. Of course, when the second is born child, the first year will again be difficult. Most of my time will be taken up with his care. But know that my love hasn't gone away. Together we will overcome difficulties! It is important that a man knows that all these domestic troubles, the constant fatigue of his wife is not an indicator of discord in the relationship.
Idea #6:"You are already a father!" This argument is for those men who have experienced the turbulent period of the "crisis of the birth of the first child”, This period of misunderstanding, quarrels and grinding to the role of parents. It must be understood that the birth of the first child often leads to a crisis in the family. And by the time of the birth of the second, all the roles are already familiar, and the spouses have perfectly mastered what it is to be a mother and to be a father. You can and should tell your spouse about this, bringing the good news that there will be no new “redistribution of property”!
Idea #7:"I am healthy!". To ease a man's fear that something might happen to you or your baby, visit doctors before planning a pregnancy. Make sure you are healthy and ready for this challenging journey. Your own health is the key to the success of the health of the unborn baby. And report the results of the "medical examination" to your husband. Knowing that you are embarking on this path healthy, he will be less worried about your health and your baby.
Ilya, a happy father of two sons, once told me how he did not want the birth of a second child. “Our first-born was two years old when my Katerina started talking about the“ second Lyalya ”. I then could not restrain myself, and very sharply told her that the second was now out of the question. Our Maksimka was a very excitable child until the age of one and a half, he did not sleep well, he was capricious a lot. We were very tired. The wife was engaged practically only in the child. Of course, I understood that this was how it should be, but sometimes it was a shame that she even forgot to ask how my day went. Besides, I was the only earner. We did not need, of course, but there was no extra money either. In general, then the thought of a second child seemed terrible to me. Everything from the beginning again! I clearly wasn't ready." “Although I answered with a categorical “no!”, Katerina did not calm down. Only later did I realize that she had her own wise tactics. For a while, talk about the second stopped, but no, no, and she screwed stories about happy married couples with two children into our conversations. I saw how her eyes burn when she looks at the kids, I heard how she is interested in the issues of jealousy of the older ones for the younger ones and how moms and dads cope with two. Gradually, I began to come to the conclusion that people live with two children! And do not live in poverty, and enjoy life! In general, the idea of having a second child ceased to seem terrible to me. And then my wife told me that she went through all the doctors and is completely healthy. She once again said that she really wants "her beloved husband" to become the father of her beloved for the second time. child. And we had a big conversation. We discussed that, in general, we have enough money, all the things from the elder remained, and we are already experienced parents, so we can handle it. And now, after a little over a year, we got a second squeaky lump! When I look at him, I even remember with some shame that at first I did not want him to appear!
If your spouse is against the birth of a second child, do not be discouraged. It is quite possible that this is the very situation when "water wears away a stone." Be patient and take small steps towards your goal. Do not put pressure on a man, do not throw out a storm of discontent on him. If a woman feels an inner need to become a mother, then a man needs to be helped to realize and get used to the idea of becoming a dad again. With a delicate female approach, husbands become more loyal over time, and then with the same impatience they begin to wait for the “two stripes” as their wives. Many dads then say that being a father for the second time is a very special state. If the first time they were too tense, afraid to do something wrong, and as a result they completely abandoned all attempts, then the second time they feel more confident and are able to get great pleasure from communicating with the baby.
Denying children to a woman is a step with far-reaching consequences. Perhaps that is why the unwillingness of the spouse to infringe on their interests is manifested precisely in the case of the second child. And everything seems to be logical: there is a continuation of the family, everything is like with people, and there is no need to go through nighttime insomnia and austerity due to diapers for the second time.
About this - a letter from our reader, who wrote on [email protected] website
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I used to think that if a man wants children in principle, then the number does not matter anymore.
I really sympathized with my friend, whose husband has categorically refused to have a child for 6 years. And I thought to myself how lucky I was with my husband, who was never afraid of the prospect of having a baby. But a surprise awaited me...
No, I love my son, but I also want to braid pigtails. It turns out that the husband got what he wanted - a son, but I can no longer.
The first excuse is "there is no money."
As if a child must be bought for big money, like a thoroughbred cat. So much left of the old one! And the stroller has not yet been sold (it is in the basement), and there is a crib, and there was no one to distribute clothes. So what, that boyish. Half will definitely pass for unisex.
I explain to him - in any. After scouring the Internet, I realized that the problem of disagreeing with a second child is much more common than simply abandoning children. But there is little consolation in this. I read the advice of psychologists on how to persuade - nothing works.
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I worried a lot, tried to justify him, to put myself in his place.
What was so bad about this period of our son's infancy that he doesn't want to go through it again? Yes, the first pregnancy was quite difficult, I had to lie a lot on conservation, take care of myself like a crystal vase ...
Therefore, in terms of intimacy, the husband ended up on dry rations for a long time. After giving birth, there was also some time not at all before that. It may well be that he does not want to be in this situation again.
But is new life not worth it to hurt yourself a little? It turns out that it's a question of priorities.
In addition, the son was very restless from birth: he slept badly, and they ran a lot to the doctors, and his legs did not develop correctly. Now everything has improved. But in the first year, his whole life revolved around him.
For me, this is normal, but it was then that my husband began to freak out.
He had never demanded “hot freshly cooked food” from me before, in matters of everyday life he behaved quite democratically. And then suddenly he sometimes began to be offended why the food had not been boiled for his arrival. Explanations that she was engaged in a child did not satisfy.
I understand that my mother-in-law once raised him alone - she did not care for the soul. He is accustomed to all-round care ... But before all this did not apply to me.
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I heard before about children's jealousy of younger brothers and sisters. But never seen an adult.
It was as if he began to compete with his young son, who was better prepared or who was stroked more.. It is clear that the son always won.
Never before have I seen a child in an adult man, but then suddenly it happened. He began to act up even in his own way. Sometimes there is a feeling that I am raising two.
This was not the case before. As if some part of the personality was revealed. I myself want to be naughty. But I can't afford it anymore.
Once I already saw something similar in the family of my girlfriend: around the first child, the husband tiptoed around, and when she was pregnant with the second, he rather endured it than jumped with happiness. And the whole burden of worries with the second baby has already fallen on her shoulders. Apparently, the male limit of over-care has dried up on the first daughter.
It turns out that earlier men took wives to give birth to more children. And now it turns out that the right to give birth still needs to be earned. I can't cheat...
In your opinion, is it easy to persuade a man to have a child? How?
“It has made my life a lot easier.” How parents change the way they feed their children with experience
Some time after the birth of the first child, many families think about the birth of a second child. And rightly so, because children with a small age difference are always closer to each other, and parents are full of strength to raise and educate both. When both parents consider the completion of the family is quite natural, it's just wonderful. But what if dad is against it?
A situation in which a woman dreams of replenishing the family, but her husband does not want this, is, unfortunately, not rare. Sometimes a woman encounters indifference or even irritation and anger from her husband. And if the pregnancy has already occurred, he insists on an abortion.
If the husband does not want a second child - what to do, why does not want to? How to convince a man, to persuade him? Let's figure it out together:
Why is the husband against?
In such a situation, one should not put pressure on a man, all the more so to use emotions, which in this case are unlikely to help. Try to find out the reason for his unwillingness to become a father a second time, talk to him frankly. Psychologists name many possible reasons. Let's dwell on the most common:
Financial situation
He is simply afraid that the family will no longer have enough money, especially if the family is not rich anyway. After all, children need to be fed, dressed, shoes, bought toys, collected for school, but you never know what the family needs.
In addition, the first-born is still small, the wife does not work. The man is seriously afraid that there will not be enough money for a quality vacation, for some of his own hobbies. And it is more difficult to provide two children with a good education than one.
If this is the reason, before starting a conversation about a second child, wait until the end of maternity leave and go to work. If you are a housewife, then you need to find a job. This will provide additional funding. In addition, the things of the firstborn from which he grew up, his toys, etc. can become your arguments. You don't need to spend extra money for all this.
Housing issue
Unfortunately, very few young families have their own spacious housing. Most of them either rent small apartments, rooms, or live with their parents, or even with brothers and sisters. As the head of the family, a man understands that the appearance of another child will worsen already not very comfortable living conditions. Therefore, the lack of a spacious apartment, where it would be comfortable for everyone and not crowded, is a good reason against.
However, try to explain to him that while the child is small, he does not need much space. Over time, you can put a bunk bed for children, it will take up as much space as a regular one. A weighty argument can be maternity capital, which can be used to improve the living conditions of the family.
Man's age
Young men often do not want a second child, because they believe that youth is leaving, but they want to live for themselves too. They want to do everything while they are young: travel, finish or improve their education, pursue a career, and so on. And the birth of another baby can be planned "for later."
If this is the reason, tell him that it is better to raise children now, when the parents are young, they still have a lot of strength, health and energy for this. In 5-10 years, all this may no longer be. And old age is better to meet in a large family.
Fear of wife's second pregnancy
The fact is that men remember very well how the wife did not want to, and how her appearance changed. They do not forget about the sleepless nights after the birth of a child, diapers, diapers, the search for the right baby food, frequent quarrels, etc. Maybe for a woman this is not a reason, but for a man it is a strong argument.
Women often stop paying enough attention to their husbands after the birth of a child, giving all their attention and love to the baby. Men are very worried, although they may not show it. Often during this period there are love affairs on the side. In addition, many causes of male bad habits may have roots in this period.
What to do?
If he is against, do not panic and do not be upset. Start gradually preparing your loved one, step by step, day by day. Never pressure him, don't make a scene, and don't go ahead. You'll only make it worse. Moreover, do not put him before the fact of a pregnancy that has already happened - this can only aggravate the situation.
Do not lie to yourself, not to him, saying that this time you will easily go through pregnancy, cope with hormonal failure, and will not become irritated and capricious. That you will treat him as now, you yourself will get up to the baby at night and wash diapers. Do not say that you will not get fat and will carefully monitor yourself.
It is better to tell him how dear he is to you, how much you love him, that you want to give birth to a baby from him, but you just want an abstract child. Remember, you must make this important decision only together, because that's what you and the family are for.
Be patient, unobtrusively return to this issue, gently persuade. Tell us how great it is to have a big friendly family, how it will be interesting for him with children when they grow up.
If he insists on an abortion
This situation is extremely difficult for a woman. When pregnancy has come, and a man is categorically against the child and insists on an abortion, this is a real tragedy for a woman. Therefore, it is necessary to remind once again that it is necessary to plan the birth together. Then you will not have to make a terrible choice - to give birth or to kill the emerging life. Moreover, it is always worth remembering that.
You need to understand that the onset of pregnancy will not keep the husband if he does not want a child. A woman risks being left alone with two babies in her arms. But even if you have an abortion, it is unlikely to help save the family.
If your loved one insists on getting rid of pregnancy, talk to him, explain what it is and how it can affect a woman’s health, that there is a high risk of remaining childless for life. Men often do not understand the dangers of abortion, considering it a mere medical procedure, no more dangerous than going to the dentist.
Show him the results of the ultrasound, tell him that you don't want to kill a child from a loved one. Explain why abortion is dangerous for you, for your health. If he loves you, cares for you, he will definitely understand.
Try to understand that fatherhood, unlike motherhood, is not a natural instinct - it is a purely social phenomenon. Therefore, paternal feelings do not come to a man immediately. Maybe he will feel like a dad in a month after the birth of the baby, or maybe in a year or several years. Some of them don't come at all. Therefore, a lot depends on you. The right tactics, plus his feelings for you, will most likely help you convince him.
If the husband has reasons for bad habits, he suffers from cravings for alcohol or drugs, then think about whether you need a pregnancy from this person?
In conclusion of our conversation, it must be recalled that when planning a pregnancy, a woman must be sure of her state of health. must also be submitted. Therefore, if you both decide to have another child, pay attention to your immune system. Here are two popular recipes for strengthening the body's defenses, increasing its resistance to diseases:
Folk recipes to improve immunity
Grind with a blender or with a meat grinder (it is easier to use an electric one) well-washed dried fruits: figs, dried apricots, figs and raisins, which you take 50-100 g each. Add the same amount of chopped almonds or walnuts. Transfer to a jar, fill with honey to cover the surface of the mixture. Stir, store refrigerated. Eat 1-2 tbsp per day.
Eat fresh cranberries and lingonberries according to the season. Prepare fruit drinks, add leaves to tea brewing tea. Berries contain many useful substances, effectively strengthen the immune system. Be healthy and happy!
