Have you met with such a situation when unpleasant situations are periodically repeated? What do you think it depends on, fate or the actions of the person himself? Often after such situations, thoughts begin to visit a person, and he begins to leave his comfort zone, begin to develop, and not degrade.
Recurring events are a sign that a person has not gone through and understood some life lesson. He can not . It may also be that we ourselves create recurring unpleasant situations in our lives with our behavior and our thoughts.
Look at yourself in the past and you will find that despite the fact that you change and develop, by and large you are exactly the same as you were 10, 20 or 40 years ago. You have the same character, the same reaction to events.
We live according to our own scenario of life, according to our picture of the world, and we are afraid to go beyond our beliefs and programs. Every year, people hope that next year they will be more lucky and something in life will begin to change for the better. Look at your life, at least for the last 10 years. Has your life gotten better? Most people don't and won't get better.
To make it better, you need to change something in your life, in your thinking and in your actions. If you want change, you need to get out of your comfort zone and do something new.
To get something new, you need to go beyond your usual life and your subconscious programs and do. This will give you new results. It should be noted that they may not always be the results that you need, but this is already new life and the destruction of old patterns. We live knowing this world, we develop and learn in this physical world.
Living in our comfort zone, we stop developing, and life begins to resemble a swamp with a bad smell. Constantly take steps into the new and unknown, and from life you will receive new gifts.
So, to break the vicious circle of recurring events, you need to:
These 2 steps will pull you out of your usual life and set the course for new events. Also, the vicious circle can be broken by receiving answers from her.
As long as your reaction to events is the same, they will be repeated.
I wish you new pleasant changes in your life!
I want to learn how to choose other men: strong, smart and successful
Ekaterina Korotkikh, psychologist, answers:
Nastya complained that all the men with whom she builds relationships do not correspond to her idea of perfect man. She has everything: a successful career, a normal life - only "him" was missing nearby. Nastya wanted to break this "vicious circle" and meet the right person to start a family.
Nastya answered questions confusedly:
You don't like the men you choose, right? Why are you getting close to them?
Because those men who I like do not look after me, and those who do seem to me, though not very attractive, but reliable. It is important for me to be confident in a man that he will not leave me. Well, if the unworthy one quits, I won’t suffer much. Next to a successful man, I feel insecure, you need to constantly control yourself, look perfect, talk beautifully, in general, correspond to his level in order to be able to keep him.
Hold... You say a man should be "reliable" so as not to quit. And that the man "needs to be kept." Is this your key criterion when choosing a partner?
Yes, one of the key ones. You see, I am a lion according to the horoscope. It is important for me to be loved, adored and carried in my arms. To not make you nervous from jealousy or unpredictable behavior. And I want to be accepted for who I am.
Tell me, have you ever been in love?
Maybe yes. But it's not like in movies and novels. Rather, there was affection, and even painful. Why is that? I am no longer interested in a man, but I can not part with him. It drives me crazy the thought that he will fall in love with another and forget me! My heart will be broken. Dad left us when I was eight. I don't want to go through what my mom did then.
It's unfortunate that I had to go through a breakup with my dad. But what if this man really found his man, and a more suitable partner awaits you? Perhaps parting is the best thing you can give each other?
I would like to believe that I will meet the one. But for this I need to raise my self-esteem and become worthy of my prince. I tried to do it myself, using various methods, I wore an imaginary crown when I walked down the street, I imagined myself as a bright flower that bees flock to, and, you know, they really flocked, it was so nice! But in the end, no serious relationship began with any of these fans, and after these fantasies, devastation and fatigue, some kind of helplessness and loneliness set in. Can you help me?
The client Nastya in her behavior and speech reminded me of a sweet girl of about 14 years old. Facial expressions are rich. Talking about himself, he does not look at the interlocutor - as if he is speaking a memorized speech. At the same time, he expects approval from the psychologist, an emotional response.
According to the classification of the training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, Nastya is the owner of a visual vector.
A vector is a set of properties, features of the psyche and body that give a person certain innate desires and abilities. Abilities are given to a person so that, realizing them, he experiences happiness.
The visual vector manifests itself as a special vulnerability, sensitivity and vivid emotionality with a range of feelings - from dark emotions of fear and horror to the brightest: love for the whole world. Born little cowards, visual children are called to grow up into fearless humanists and philanthropists, thanks to a strong emotional connection with their mother, then with other people close to their hearts.
In the best scenario, a visual person experiences predominantly bright feelings, he is beautiful in his inner qualities, as he realizes a natural gift for the benefit of people: he is prone to deep empathy with others - so that someone else's pain is felt more important than his own. Can choose the profession of a doctor, psychologist, educator. Spills his inner world into art, becoming an artist or artist. Either he is engaged in the upbringing of feelings, instilling moral guidelines in the younger generation - becoming a teacher.
A woman with a developed and realized visual vector, if she marries, then only Great love. Able to strengthen and develop relationships with a lifelong perspective. Naturally, even just by its presence, it inspires a man to exploits, creating the necessary moral burden for sublimating a man's abilities for the benefit of society.
In the worst scenario, if in childhood the spectator was raised in horror stories, horrors, they were not allowed to create an emotional connection, they cut him off, he grows up as a shy and hysterical adult. This has a strong influence on his entire future life, forming the basis for the development of new fears, phobias, panic attacks, up to the victim scenario.
The unfavorable development of the visual vector in a child may be indicated by excessive tearfulness, a tendency to superstition (for example, do not cross the path of a black cat), constant and unreasonable fears.
Nastya's visual vector is in the "fear" state. Characteristic of her condition is a passion for horoscopes and esotericism, which dull the feeling of fear. Meditations and affirmations only aggravate the situation: on the one hand, there is lulling, the displacement of an anxious state, on the other hand, a buildup of emotions inside oneself is added. In this state, a girl can become a victim of pick-up artists, and in the worst case, even criminals and maniacs.
As explained at the training "Systemic Vector Psychology", in the absence of emotional connections, the viewer feels a dreary, gnawing loneliness. The feeling of being useless develops into self-pity, tears arise, implying the desire that "at least someone takes care of me." Therefore, the spectator, in a state of pity for herself (and not for others, as nature planned), is ready to be with any man who wants to share her loneliness. This connection does not make any of the couple happy, the client is trying to somehow fill the holes in her soul, and such a relationship humiliates a man.
In the future, if it happens that the “reliable” one does leave, Nastya will most likely get a cat, then another and another, creating emotional bonds with animals instead of a person. The desire for a relationship remains, and the ever-increasing fear of loss, pain, disappointment will force our heroine to be content with the most accessible and safe.
Whatever the reason for fears - underdevelopment due to childhood losses, the loss of an application point for the implementation of the vector in adulthood or temporary overstress - you can change the current situation dramatically. To do this, says Yuri Burlan at the training "System-Vector Psychology", you need to learn how to correctly use the properties given by nature. Not for yourself, but for others.
In the process of therapy, Nastya remembered her childhood dream: to create a house of creativity for children - and she set fire to this idea. It was noticeable that when thinking about this, Nastya became more relaxed, the tension in the cervical-shoulder region noticeably subsided, her voice became more melodious and softer.
Nastya also admitted that, in addition to the fear of being alone, she liked to feel sorry for the men who were nearby. That is, unconsciously she leaned toward compassion. But the path was chosen wrong.
Systemically understanding the situation, I explained to Nastya that compassion can only be given to the weak and defenseless, to those from whom we do not expect anything in return. Relationships mean reciprocity and respect for the partner. If Nastya manages to realize the visual vector in society, the need to contact such men will disappear by itself.
As soon as the spectator learns to take out her emotions purposefully on the needy, she becomes invulnerable to any emotional upheaval. Relationship breakdown and rejection no longer leave scars on the soul and do not drive into fear, as there is no previous concern for oneself.
Moreover, by changing the state of the vector to productive (and therefore good), a person changes at the hormonal level: the smell changes, fate changes, life becomes more meaningful and valuable. There is no fear for her, but joy from her. A person in good condition instantly becomes attractive, people are drawn to him, including those ideally suited to create a harmonious couple. Further explanations - at the free lectures of Yuri Burlan.
Ekaterina Korotkikh, psychologist
The article was written using the materials of trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
Chapter:
14 Jul, 2015
Self-humiliation, melancholy, anxious forebodings and other gloomy states that overcome us can be expressed in different ways: sometimes these are phrases that we repeat to ourselves, like mantras, sometimes they are thoughts that are barely perceptible to consciousness. From the point of view of cognitive psychology, which studies cognitive processes, all this exhausting work of the mind is the fruit of so-called cognitive schemas. They are based on our basic beliefs (often unconscious), which form filters - a kind of "glasses" through which we perceive reality. If one or more of these filters are negative, there are cognitive biases that shape how we make decisions, engage in activities, and behave in relationships.
“Cognitive distortions give rise to negativity, which is expressed in a distorted self-esteem, a feeling of fatigue, the inability to think clearly and actively act, anxiety, even depression,” explains Frédéric Fanget. “That is why it is so important to recognize the complex of beliefs that generates the cycle of gloomy thoughts that exhausts us.” It's not about praising unfounded boundless optimism and making a scarecrow out of sadness and tantrums. It also makes no sense to deny the reality and the impact of negative events on us. However, we can “consciously get out of the vicious circle of oppressive thoughts and feelings,” says the therapist. “Our task is to first understand our belief system, and then replace fruitless pessimism with fruitful realism.”
1. I identify the sensation-symptom. The throat is constricted, nausea appears, a feeling of anxiety, sometimes a feeling of suffocation suddenly arises, the heartbeat quickens ... Negative thoughts give rise to equally negative feelings that are immediately reflected in our body. Such changes in our bodily sensations are a symptom of a breakdown in our thought system. Therefore, they cannot be ignored.
2. I remember the events that caused these sensations. I am re-living the situation. With my eyes closed, I recall in my memory all the information available to me: my state of mind, the atmosphere at that moment, I remember those who were next to me, what we said to each other, with what intonation, my thoughts and feelings ...
3. Listen to my inner critic. Then I choose words to more accurately describe my feelings and the main negative thought: for example, “I feel superfluous”, “I showed myself to be worthless”, “I am not loved”, and the like. We owe the presence of this inner critic of ours to one or more cognitive distortions.
4. I am aware of my life principles. They (sometimes unconsciously) determine our decisions and actions. The inner critic and our life principles are connected with each other. For example, if my critic regularly says, "People don't like me," probably one of my life principles is "To be happy, I need to be loved."
5. Looking for the source of life principles. There are two ways to go in your internal investigation. Determine what in the past has influenced my belief that I am not loved or loved enough. And was my life principle “To be happy, you need to be loved” also the principle of my family? If yes, what did it mean? These two planes of self-observation will allow us to understand how our beliefs arise and develop. And as a result, realize that these are just beliefs, and not reality.
It is important to emphasize that this is not about volitional effort to stop thinking negatively. And about how to rebuild the system of your erroneous beliefs, replace it with real ideas. And as a result, regain an active role in your life.
1. I distance myself from my beliefs. On a piece of paper, I write: “My negative belief,” and then I indicate what is characteristic of me or worries me at the moment (for example: “I am not loved”). This symbolic detachment allows you to stop identifying yourself with your thought.
2. I question my inner critic. Starting from my negative belief, I enter the role of a persistent detective who conducts an interrogation without allowing himself to be deceived or embarrassed. All without exception?” And so on. I keep asking, checking the list of cognitive biases, until positive nuances and alternatives emerge, and with them the opportunity to change the way you look at the situation.
3. I strengthen my realistic view of things. Reality is not entirely positive and not entirely negative, only our beliefs can be such “whole”. Therefore, a negative overgeneralization must be disassembled into its individual components and restructured to include positive (or neutral) points. In this way, you can achieve a more realistic and objective view of the situation or relationship. It should be remembered that a coin always has two sides: negative ("I was not up to par") and positive ("I am very demanding"). After all, excessive dissatisfaction with oneself comes from exactingness, which in itself is a positive quality. And in order for me to take the next step, I need to transform the overly demanding into a more realistic one.
To assess reality through a corrupted filter is to cognitively distort it, argued Aaron Beck, the founder of cognitive behavioral therapy. He believed that it was this distorted way of perceiving events and relationships that gave rise to negative thoughts and feelings. Here are some examples of dangerous filters.
For more details, see D. Beck “Cognitive Therapy. The Complete Guide (Williams, 2006).
There is damage that is directed at a person with one goal, so that all his paths are closed, nowhere would there be luck in anything. Walks in a "vicious circle" and sees no way out of it. Unfortunately, this kind of damage is very common in modern world. If a person has such damage, then his life is a complete bad luck "vicious circle". In terms of health, there are no changes, but with business, study, work ... it doesn’t go well in any way.
And no matter how much effort a person uses to achieve his goal, for example: to enter a university and finish it, to find a good job to his liking and with a decent salary, to get married or get married .... There can be many more problems due to such damage. And if you don’t remove it from yourself, then life will continue like this - only problems, that is, a “vicious circle”.
If someone understands that something similar is happening to him, try to apply this option for yourself, heal from damage. What is needed for this? Prepare your photo, a large blank sheet of paper (for a photocopier), a pencil or pen, an icon of the holy saint Panteleimon the Healer, 3 candles, a larger metal dish.
Put the icon on the table, put your photo on paper, light 3 candles, read “Our Father” 3 times, then sit down at the table and start the following action: draw an open circle around your photo with a pen, for example, like the letter “C” only without hook on top, as written above, and extend the lower end of this letter to the right side, as long as possible. As you draw it, it turns out that your photo is in an open circle, i.e. the circle is broken and start reading in the same way while sitting the next prayer to Panteleimon the Healer over the photo in the circle:
“Hear me, I ask you, holy saint of God Panteleimon the Healer. Pray for the forgiveness of my sins before the Lord God Jesus Christ. I ask you for help (name) and healing from damage to the "vicious circle". I go in circles, there is no way out, they have deprived me of everything: they took my luck through witchcraft.
I walk in a circle, there is no way out, the doors are closed. Please help me find the door and show me where to go next without damage. Help me, God's saint Panteleimon the Healer, break my "vicious circle" in which I live on deeds of witchcraft black and evil. Break these threads that around my earthly life are entangled by human witchcraft. I myself cannot find these doors and get out of the circle of witchcraft.
Break these threads of witchcraft with your holy power, with holy hands touch my sick body and soul, which suffers and knows no peace, sees no way out of the "vicious circle" of witchcraft. Open the way for me to my earthly future life, take me out of the circle of spells emanating from hell from the servants of Satan. Holy saint of God Panteleimon the Healer, do not turn away from me rb (name), from my request. Help me, I myself cannot cope with such a misfortune that came from the one who sold his soul to the devil, not fearing sin before God.
Help me, saint of God, give me the opportunity to return to the life that I lived before the corruption. Do not let me die from sadness, longing, from the fact that the doors are closed in front of me and I am in a “vicious circle”. Help me, remove this damage from me and show me a way out, lead me along, protect me from troubles and return my luck to me that the sorcerers or witches took away. Let them not rejoice in my troubles. Let them not wait for the result of their black work. Thank you, holy saint of God Panteleimon the Healer. Thank God for everything. Amen."
EXPLANATION: read over the photo 3 times, then extinguish 2 candles, and let the third burn. Take a photo from the sheet, put it aside, and roll the sheet several times, set it on fire over a candle and put the burning sheet to burn out on a metal dish, and you, looking at the fire, say the following words 9 times:
“The “vicious circle” breaks the fire, and I am free again, I live, I breathe. Amen".
Then put out the candle, put the icon in place, hide the photo for 3 days (the day of treatment is considered the first day). Collect the ashes in a bag, wash the metal dish and put it in place. The candles that burned on the table during treatment, bury them deeper in a remote place, and scatter the ashes in the wind on the same day (preferably where there are no residential buildings, it is possible in a wasteland) with the words:
“The wind will dispel the ashes, and my earthly life continues without damage. Amen".
Say these words three times. Throw away the bag that contained the ashes. Take out the photo on the 4th day and sprinkle it lightly with holy water, let it dry and return it to the photo album.
Such treatment should be done 2 more times, 1 time in the following months. The phase of the moon with this treatment does not matter. It is advisable to remember or write down the day of treatment and continue on the same date in the next months. The photo is old, but the candles are new. After such treatment, your life will return to its previous course, to the life that was before witchcraft, even better. I wish you success.
It seems to you that everything is going wrong, the events in your life are not in your favor, acquaintances are unlucky, desires are not fulfilled? Before you completely give up, try to participate in a practice that will allow you to look at the world from a different angle and break the cycle of failure ...
So let's get started:
1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Even in thought. even occasionally. Drive these thoughts away, as self-pity returns you to the circle of failures, fixes you on it. Self-pity attracts only negative energies to you in the form of worthless events, acquaintances.
2. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Pity for oneself, a loved one is an indulgence of weakness, lack of will and disbelief in one's own strengths. By such behavior, you scare away your luck, because glorious deeds and events can only happen to people who are strong in spirit.
3. Your bad luck is a challenge. Challenge of life. Show that you are a steadfast soldier.
4. Change the expression on your face: become exactly smiling from the bottom of your heart. Women - a spectacular charming make-up, men - a shaved contented face. Show Destiny that you are all right.
5. The technique for spreading goodness - the "Butterfly Effect" - is very useful in the most difficult moments: leave money in different places - no matter how sorry, "transfer" to a friend's mobile phone. Basically, start giving back. Only bestowal will bring positive changes into your life, although, initially, many do not think so.
6. Start learning what you've always wanted to do: painting landscapes, quilling, cross stitching, or keeping a personal diary. For what? Your failures indicate that you studied poorly and did not learn your lessons at all. Show the opposite and start accumulating only positive emotions. Do not forget, apply new knowledge in practice - a lot will change in a positive way.
7. Look for emotions that will constantly keep you on a “light platoon”. You don't need to seek reassurance. To the limits of consciousness - infinity.
8. Be able to temporarily and without regret ignore the area in which you are now absolutely unable to do anything. Switch. Let the energy “shoot” where it is most needed now.
9. Dedicate time to walks in the fresh air. May peace befall you at such moments, and you quietly observe the work of the brain. Any new idea - the most extravagant - let it come true! Give yourself the opportunity to express yourself openly.
10. Create an iron frame, that is, a set of specific actions that you will perform on a specific day, month, year after year. And even if everything goes awry, you will always perform the planned action. It will help you stay afloat at a critical moment and you will understand that life is beautiful!
