No matter how sad it may be, but even the most passionate relationships eventually lose their brightness and novelty. In marriage, this is felt especially sharply, because the inevitable everyday disagreements and conflicts further alienate people from each other. It is not uncommon for a woman to feel absolutely lonely and unnecessary in the company of a spouse. Indifference on the part of a loved one is one of the main signs of the fading of feelings. It has a destructive effect on the psyche of a woman, causing a serious blow to her self-esteem. What to do if the husband fell out of love? The answer to this difficult question will be presented in this article.
Feeling the loss of interest on the part of a loved one, you must immediately take decisive action. First of all, one should try to find out the cause of the ongoing metamorphoses. After all, the problem cannot come from nowhere, for its occurrence there are always some prerequisites. Consider the most common reasons for the fading of feelings in marriage.
At the first stage of a relationship, a woman is a mystery to her partner. It is like an unread book that you want to open again and again. It is clear that the years life together“eat up” the existing intrigue, making the lady absolutely understandable and predictable for the man. Many representatives of the stronger sex perceive this fact as positive, because it provides a certain stability in marriage. Other men do not tolerate banality in relationships and want to constantly open their beloved from an unknown side. In this case, the fall of the veil of secrecy is perceived by them as a signal to search for a new object of interest.
Men, along with ladies, draw in their imagination the ideal image of a life partner. The state of being in love makes them look at the world through rose-colored glasses, not noticing the shortcomings of the chosen one. But as soon as the feelings cool down a little, the ideal image breaks against the harsh reality. A man begins to more critically evaluate the actions of his wife, catch various little things and find inconsistencies in the drawn picture. The shortcomings that have come to the surface, coupled with domestic conflicts, make him more and more disappointed in his partner, suggesting thoughts about breaking up relations.
It is not uncommon for strong and powerful women to allow themselves to humiliate their spouse in front of relatives, friends, colleagues, etc. They openly ridicule their partner’s shortcomings, make caustic remarks, and make sharp jokes. Of course, such actions hit a man's pride hard, as a result of which he begins to perceive his own wife as the main enemy. And that's not far from hate. Such tactless behavior on the part of the lady can be compared with a real betrayal. The category of the latter should also include betrayal, which is a frequent cause of cooling feelings for a woman. Representatives of the stronger sex are not used to seeing themselves on the sidelines, it is difficult for them to accept that someone turned out to be better. Many husbands are not ready to forgive betrayal, it is much easier for them to kill the remnants of love in themselves than to “step on the throat” of their own pride.
Not a single sane man will start a relationship on the side if a complete idyll reigns in his family. A loving, caring wife who takes care of herself and shows concern for her husband is the ultimate dream of many of the stronger sex. However, in reality, everything turns out to be far from the case. Many women after the birth of children completely devote themselves to household chores, stop caring for themselves and take an interest in the life of their soulmate. This becomes their fatal mistake. Tired of daily seeing an untidy plump wife in a stretched dressing gown and with a displeased expression on her face, men unconsciously begin to pay attention to other ladies. In most cases, their impulses do not go unnoticed and find reciprocity on the part of free and unencumbered persons with household chores.
If the husband said that he had fallen out of love, you should not fall into despair and commit rash acts. It is necessary to properly weigh the situation, to give it an objective assessment. Perhaps these offensive words escaped from the spouse in the heat of the moment during a serious family conflict. Most likely, when the passions subside, he will realize the mistake and ask for forgiveness for his ardor. If the confession was uttered during a frank conversation, you should take it seriously. A man who directly reports the loss of interest in his wife can hardly be cunning or lying. Usually such a statement is the result of much thought and mental anguish. An open confession of the absence of love is evidence of the spouse's readiness to break off relations.
Hearing such painful words, a woman should try to maintain her composure. After all, tantrums and scandals with accusations against a partner will not lead to anything good. It would be much better to abstract from the situation at least for a while and give a balanced assessment of your own feelings. Perhaps the indifference of the spouse has already killed all the bright impulses and emotions in the lady, leaving only cold and emptiness in her heart. It is also possible that the relationship in marriage has long cracked and the family is preserved only because of the children. In such cases, you should let go of the partner with the world and free yourself from the heavy burden in the form of a hopeless relationship. If the feelings on the part of the woman are still strong, it is necessary to fight for your happiness by any means possible.
Having made the decision to fight for the family, you need to take concrete steps towards changing the situation. After finding out the reason for the cooling of feelings, it will be much easier to outline a plan of action. If love is gone due to loss of interest, you should try to resurrect it with the help of cunning female tricks and tricks. Many husbands perceive their partners as a book read to holes, from which it is pointless to expect something new and unpredictable. And this is quite logical, because what kind of intrigue can be in a “tucked up” housewife who lives with the joys and problems of her missus? A new unusual hobby, employment, expanding the circle of friends will help a woman regain her husband's interest. And the desire to constantly surprise a man with his erudition and ingenuity will certainly find encouragement in the eyes of a partner.
If the reason for the coldness lies in the disappointment of the husband, then the above tips will not be able to drastically affect the marital relationship. After all, having regained his sight after careless love, the man discovered that the wrong woman was next to him. What should a representative of the weaker sex do in this situation? Option one: try to live up to the ideal of your lover. However, it is important to bear in mind that this is a very painstaking and often thankless job that requires a radical break in character and a revision of life values. This option is suitable for women who put the interests of a partner above their own desires.
The second way to solve the problem is no less troublesome and time-consuming. You need to set out to change the ideal of your chosen one and try to fall in love with him again. This should be done gradually and as imperceptibly as possible so that the man does not suspect anything wrong. An active demonstration of one's positive traits, praise from relatives and mutual friends, a virtuoso drawing of parallels between oneself and the partner's idols will make him look at the lady with different eyes. A competent approach to business will help the spouse understand that the image of a real - so close and dear - woman is much better than the transcendental ideal drawn in the imagination.
The tactless behavior of the spouse in relation to the chosen one is also one of the popular reasons for the fading of feelings. To return the location of the partner, the lady will have to completely reconsider her attitude towards him. Any man craves support and respect from his life partner, otherwise he will simply lose faith in himself. Therefore, the wife should always take the side of her husband, give him support and give him praise in the presence of other people. As soon as the partner feels his own value in the eyes of the chosen one, he will noticeably perk up and begin to treat her more favorably. However, in the case of female infidelity, it will be much more difficult to return the location of the husband. The lady will have to make a lot of efforts to win the lost trust. In the name of love, she will need to go through insults, reproaches and humiliation, and sometimes through reciprocal betrayals. Only a strong representative of the fair sex, ready to fight for her love, can overcome this path.
When a spouse switches attention to a new object of interest, it can be extremely problematic to keep him. What to do if the husband fell out of love, but does not leave the family? The answer is extremely simple: it is necessary to compete with the rival. Changing the image, buying a new wardrobe, active sports and careful personal care will help to regain the interest of a man. And watching the wedding video and photos, joint games with children, romantic dinners, accompanied by memories of happy moments, will resurrect faded feelings. The main thing is that if another woman appears on the horizon, do not make loud scandals with demands to end the relationship on the side. Such tactics of behavior can be disastrous for the family and will only push the spouse to leave. Other tips on how to keep your partner close to you are reflected in the video.
Life is unpredictable. When everything is good in family and professional life, like a bolt from the blue, problems can come up, up to divorce or dismissal. In family life, everything cannot always be smooth, spouses cannot always be at the peak of romantic relationships and passion for each other. Often there is a decrease in attraction, loss of romance and feelings. If the husband has fallen out of love, the signs of what to do in this case - we will consider below.
After a certain period of family life, most spouses experience a cooling of feelings. These feelings will not necessarily remain withered now for life, often this is a temporary phenomenon. However, it also happens that you have to come to terms with the end of a relationship. When a similar situation arises, a woman most often asks herself the question: "If a husband has fallen out of love, what should I do?" In the case when circumstances have developed this way, it is worth first deciding: is this a far-fetched problem or reality?
As a rule, cooling in men occurs due to the behavior of the wife. If the husband fell out of love, what to do? We need to understand the reasons for what happened. For example, after giving birth, a wife ceases to take care of herself, walks in a worn dressing gown, after the birth of a child she began to pay more attention to the baby than to her husband. The spouses have different interests, and they communicate little. Also, the desire to have a close relationship is reduced when the husband and wife are violated and, as a result, quarrels appear.
It is very good if the spouse consults with a psychologist who can competently explain how to behave when the husband has fallen out of love, what to do, and give advice on how to get out of the family crisis.
Identifying the "symptoms" of cooling is not so difficult, here are typical ones:
Answering the question of what to do if the husband has fallen out of love, the advice of a psychologist is ambiguous, but there is one main line of behavior - calmness, only calmness!
Having a warm heart and a cold mind, a wise woman will be able to go through all the difficult moments of married life without great loss. Having learned about what to do if the husband fell out of love, and having comprehended the advice of a psychologist, wise wife will come to the conclusion that depression and scandals with showdowns will not bring any benefit! The husband will only become more annoyed and, most likely, will try to quickly hide. You should not count on pity either - this is not the feeling that affects the strength of marriage.
After the woman calms down, it is necessary to analyze the situation, to establish a causal relationship. This will help eliminate the cause and most likely restore the relationship. In order to understand what to do if a husband has fallen out of love with his wife, you need to listen to the advice of a specialist. And it’s not enough just to listen to them, you need to want to change your life, to do something for this.
Visits to such specialists in our country are not very widespread, but you should not neglect visiting a knowledgeable professional. To build relationships, you also do not need to forget about your appearance. Almost the first active action of the wife, of course, should be a trip to a beauty salon: pedicure, manicure, hairstyle, self-care tips. After that, you definitely need to buy a new thing - it significantly improves your mood.
A woman should try her best to understand the reason for her husband's separation. It can be:
When the husband said that he fell out of love, what should the wife do if reality is against her? Whatever happens, thoughts should be only positive! The negative is enough. After self-soothing, the second main element is patience.
Of course, it happens that no actions on the part of the wife help, and the husband made the final decision - to leave. Then you need to make sure that everything has been done to save the family, and, placing responsibility on him, let him go. If the husband fell out of love, what to do? You can’t keep him against his will, but you can give him the opportunity to figure it out, to be alone with himself, even to try a new one. family life. In most cases, men repent.
If repentance did not overtake him, then why love the one for whom you mean nothing? Happiness is the work of man, and life is very short. Live and breathe deeply, so yours is yet to come!
If it is impossible to save the family, especially if there are children in it, you should not set the children negatively and take revenge on the husband in this way. On the contrary, remain friendly, wish your husband happiness, and explain to your child that this is life and, unfortunately, not everything in it happens according to our ideas. If the husband fell out of love, what to do? In this case, remember also this truth: what is good for one case, it will not work at all for another! Therefore, in no case should you "flog a fever" - everything must be weighed and, with a cautious approach, try to return the relationship.
Helpful Hints
"If a guy stopped responding to cute SMS - does this mean that he fell out of love? If he avoids me - does this mean that he has cooled off? If he stopped saying "I love you" - does this mean that our relationship is over?
In this article, we will tell you how to understand that your boyfriend has stopped loving you, and the relationship is not worth continuing.
He suddenly needs more space
When your boyfriend, or already husband, demands more free time or rest, he may just be a little tired. However, if you did not change your behavior, and he suddenly began to avoid you, this is an alarming bell. You should think about your relationship if you understand that he does not want to work on spending time together to get rid of the routine, preferring to simply not see you.
Ask him what caused this behavior. If he answers that he's just tired, come up with a new activity together, offer to find a hobby that could help him, visit a new place - this will freshen up your relationship. However, if he says something slurred, vague and avoids close physical contact, this may signal that his feelings for you have cooled.
He starts comparing you to other girls.
If a man really loves a girl, he will never allow himself to humiliate her, or at least say something that will hurt her. Hints or direct indications that you should act or look like other girls should be a wake-up call for you. Pay attention to the following questions: "Why don't you dress like her?" "She's so confident, why can't you do the same?" "You're too jealous, why can't you follow my friend's girlfriend? ".
If they appear in your life, then you need to run - a person’s feelings for you are not as strong as before. If this does not happen on an ongoing basis, but, for example, for the first time, tell your partner that you do not intend to tolerate this. Ask how he would feel if you compared him to other men. And if after this conversation such behavior continues, it means that he loves you not the way he used to.
He stops responding to messages
One of the sure signs that communication with you has become a burden for your soulmate is the unwillingness to respond to the message. This does not mean at all that he will not respond at all, but this can take a very long time. In order to make sure that he is not really just busy, find out if he is at work at the moment.
Also, if you have any doubts, you can ask his friends about his reaction at the time of receiving a message from you. If he shows with all his appearance that it is unpleasant for him, and is in no hurry to answer, he has cooled off towards you. You will immediately notice a change, as it will take much longer to respond to your messages, or even stop altogether.
At first, he will come up with minor excuses, trying to explain such a delay in the answer. However, after a while, he will simply get angry and lose his temper every time you ask why he did not answer you. This is exactly the moment when you should understand that there is no more room for warm feelings in your relationship.
Read also: 5 ways to bounce back after breaking up with someone you love
He spends more time with his friends than with you.
Routine, fatigue, relationship problems and quarrels often alienate lovers from each other, and they can spend some time apart. However, if the feelings are really strong, these quarrels are insignificant and the separation is temporary, until all stupid arguments are over.
If your loved one has drastically reduced the time he used to spend with you and significantly increased the time he spent with friends, ignoring your requests and suggestions - ask if anything bothers him. If he does not do it on purpose, he will do everything possible so that you no longer feel the difference again.
If he deliberately reduces the time he spends with you, he will look for excuses and reasons, perhaps not so much in himself as in you. This is a signal that he has cooled significantly towards you.
He becomes selfish
When a man ceases to be interested in a relationship, he begins to behave like a real egoist. And this happens in most cases and quite suddenly. He will no longer be interested in your opinion on many important issues, and he will rely only on his own experience and desires.
He will become selfish in bed. He will not think about how to please you, because his feelings will become more important to him than yours. All that will excite him in life is his friends, work, study, games and much more, and he will pay attention to you last. If you keep going on dates, he will stop asking for your opinion, and will choose those places that he likes. In addition, he will not notice his behavior, even if you directly point it out to him.
He is annoyed by your tenderness
Gentle and sensual conversations, cute nicknames and hugs, even in very small quantities, are an integral part of any loving couple in which there is no place for routine. They usually smooth out and become less noticeable when the couple is closer to each other and has been together for a long time, but they never completely disappear.
The irritability of your loved one can also appear if you abuse tenderness and cute nicknames, which you should never do. However, if you occasionally allow yourself tenderness, to which he previously reacted positively, and at this stage of the relationship they annoy him, it’s worth considering whether everything is really as smooth as before in your couple.
He no longer says he loves you
This cherished phrase a guy and a girl say to each other immediately after they realize the reciprocity of their feelings - it's so important that a loved one knows how much it means to you. Since there is a lot of meaning in it, and it should not be thoughtlessly thrown around, it is important in a relationship.
If your warm relationship has developed a long time ago and is no longer getting off the ground - the absence of the phrase "I love you", especially in response to yours, may mean that his feelings for you have long cooled down. If you are sure that a relationship has not just become a routine and cannot be revived, the best solution is to end it and start life from scratch.
Read also: The most frequent words when parting in men and women
He does not try to cheer up, even when you feel bad
A man in love in any situation will notice that his woman is not feeling well or she is not in the best mood - and always, having learned whether she needs help, will try to do everything necessary to make her smile again. After all, in a difficult situation, everyone needs the presence of a loved one. This is a simple truth, no matter how often a couple fights. And, if a man considers it acceptable that his beloved suffers without his help, it is better not to continue such a relationship.
In fact, in order to make a loved one happy, you don’t need much - you just need to be around. If this is a burden for your boyfriend, and he prefers in a difficult situation not to hug you, but to play or go out with friends, you should not even discuss it with him, because it immediately becomes clear that the person does not care about your feelings.
He digs into the unpleasant past
Everyone knows that unpleasant feeling when he is reminded of something that happened in the distant past, and which a person preferred never to remember again. When you start again and again to sort through the events of that ill-fated day in your head and think about what could have been changed. It may take a person several months or even years to forget some awkward act, cruel words or an unpleasant moment.
If during a quarrel, as an argument or, guided by the principle "the best defense is an attack", your boyfriend begins to remember this unpleasant event, trying to shame you - run away from him and never return. This means that he no longer values your feelings, he just wants to get out of the quarrel as a winner, and what you will feel at the same time - he does not care at all. You should not continue such a toxic relationship, because someday he may remember something else.
He doesn't play with you anymore.
Flirting and flirting are the best way to reveal all the chemistry that happens in a couple. This is a completely normal part of every relationship. No matter how long you've been in a relationship with your loved one, you give each other various compliments, praise new images of your lover, tell each other how much you love, look into each other's eyes, and make your partner feel attractive.
If your lover suddenly stops doing this, avoids compliments, does not notice changes in appearance and, most importantly, does not look into your eyes - this means that he has stopped feeling the same for you as before, and your relationship is no longer will be the same. You can try to return the former passion, but there is little chance of success. It is worth starting life from scratch and finally think about yourself.
He no longer feels attracted to you.
If a man stops loving, this is significantly reflected in his hugs, kisses and touches. Chemistry, passion and physical attraction, if they used to be the norm in your relationship, are an integral part of them. Over the years, they can become a little dimmer and less common, but they definitely won’t completely disappear, because truly lovers are forever young. Therefore, when one of them disappears, this is a reason to worry.
If you suddenly have doubts about the feelings of your lover, ask yourself a few simple questions: "Are we still hugging each other as long and tenderly as at the very beginning of the relationship?", "Does my boyfriend often touch me with tenderness when we stay alone?"
Thinking about these topics will give you a clear understanding of what you should do - close your eyes to what is happening and look for the problem in yourself, or ask your loved one what the matter is. Also, a sign that you are moving away from each other both emotionally and physically can be a partial or complete absence of an intimate life, if it was in the early stages of a relationship.
He often gets angry for no reason
Usually people who take it out on others are not naturally angry and aggressive, but are struggling with problems at home, in the family or at work. If your lover begins to take out his anger on you - try to find out what's the matter.
In the event that such behavior is caused by problems at work, try to gently offer him your help and tell him that you are uncomfortable with his attitude towards you at this stage. If such a strong irritation is caused by a lack of feelings for you - do not try to find out anything, you risk falling under a hot hand. Try to break off relations and start life from scratch so that nothing threatens you.
Your old habits start to annoy him
Have you noticed that your lover began to point out to you small habits that, it would seem, have accompanied you since childhood and did not catch his eye before? It is worth thinking about why he began to notice these shortcomings, and why this happened right now, and not at the beginning of the relationship. If you are familiar with this situation, ask yourself the following questions: "Did I have these habits before meeting him?", "If so, did they create any problems in our relationship before?".
If you nevertheless found out that these habits were formed long before the start of the relationship and did not cause any inconvenience in the process, ask your lover about the possible reason for such a change in your outlook on them. If he begins to come up with answers or is completely silent, perhaps the answer is somewhere deep in his heart, which no longer beats for you. Remember that you should not drag a failed relationship with you, no matter how hard the parting was. After all, you can always start life from scratch and live as your heart tells you.
If you have come to this page, read it to the end, there are always many pitfalls in personal relationships.
Have you realized that next to your loved one you feel lonely, alien and unnecessary? This is a reason to think that something went wrong in your relationship. If he has cooled off towards you, lives his own life, is interested in what happens to you extremely rarely and only “for show”, then most likely now he is the one who was before.
How to behave in a similar situation, how to survive a difficult time with the least mental loss, we figured out by Alexandra Dudkin And psychologist, Gestalt therapist Tatyana Gavrilyak.
Symptoms of "dislike" It is important to understand that this is not about some kind of cyclical downturn in a relationship. All couples go through periods of crisis when passions subside and you are not so strongly attracted to each other. If you notice something is wrong, do not immediately think that this is the end. Give yourself and him time to see what happens next. However, if you are already thinking about what to do if your husband has fallen out of love and the cold has dragged on, if you see that there is not the slightest attempt on his part to save your couple, then this is a reason to think about whether this couple even exists?
"The concept of" fall out of love "- very relative. It may seem that love no longer exists. But in fact, there is just a large number of accumulated negative feelings, under which love is no longer felt, ”- psychologist comments.
There are a number of signals that will tell you about problems in a relationship. Paying attention to them in time, you get a chance to fix everything. So:
1. A man does not treat you with the same trepidation that he used to have. Almost no hugs or kisses. When you yourself reach for it, it turns away;
2. Does not attach importance to joint meals. It would seem that this is such a trifle. However, eating together brings people closer together. And ignoring such an important element of a strong relationship speaks of his subconscious unwillingness to be near you;
3. Refuses to discuss his problems at work, troubles that have arisen in relationships with friends. He won't let you into his personal space;
4. Finds fault with you with or without reason, believes that you are doing everything C grade. At the same time, your efforts and successes go unnoticed;
5. Never calls you first or calls you back after seeing a missed call. Perhaps, of course, he has a very stressful job without a single free minute, but someone who truly loves you will definitely find time to call back and ask if everything is fine;
6. Does not show initiative in intimacy, and reacts to your attempts to have sex as if doomed;
7. Increasingly uses the pronouns "I, mine" instead of "we, ours." It seems that he lives separately from you. This behavior looks like nothing more than a neglect of your relationship;
8. He is not very interested in how your working day went, how you feel (even if yesterday you were sneezing and coughing). And this is in contrast to how caring he was a couple of months ago.
In each case, there may be reasons why the husband fell out of love. Explaining the general reasons why men move away from their beloved women, the psychologist says that it is primarily a matter of insufficient emotional closeness: “Most often, misunderstanding in the family arises from the inability of people to sincerely talk about problems, express feelings, receive feedback, etc. In this case, a man and a woman cannot correct what they do not like in a relationship. Problems are snowballing, although everything could have been solved long before the idea of \u200b\u200ba past love appears.
How to react to cooling
If you understand that he has really cooled off, it’s worth figuring out what to do, how to return his feelings and whether to return at all.
To many, it seems obvious to call a man to a frank conversation and find out what went wrong. However, the conversation is different, says Tatyana Gavrilyak:“Its result directly depends on how this conversation is conducted. Speaking from the position of claims and dissatisfaction - of course, a man will not make contact, but if you try to honestly and as calmly as possible voice your feelings in connection with what is happening, then perhaps he will lead to a solution to the problem.
Most often, it is quite difficult for men to talk about their feelings, they do not like to sort things out, and therefore they are ready to remain silent until the last moment, until the situation becomes a stalemate. And if a man still does not know how to take responsibility for what is happening to him and his family, then you should not even wait for the first step from him. Before it's too late, start a conversation yourself, find out what doesn't suit him, what he would like, how he sees the future of your couple. By his intonation, readiness to discuss the problem, and even by whether he looks into your eyes when answering, you can understand if there is a chance to save the relationship.
If you see the readiness of your man to enter into a dialogue, jointly solve the problem that has arisen and do everything so as not to destroy the family, then all is not lost. You can try to get out of a difficult situation on your own by listening to your loved one, taking note of what does not suit him, and also sharing your experiences. In the event that nothing changes from independent actions, Tatyana Gavrilyak advises contacting a specialist.
However, when a conversation is like a one-sided game and you feel that you are only straining your vocal cords in vain, then most likely your man is not ready to help you maintain a relationship. Their further continuation will also look like a meaningless conversation. It might be worth letting it go.
Do not want to let go, even knowing that he cheated on you? You have to find the strength in yourself and forgive. “But you need to forgive for real, so as not to remember the betrayal. And this is hard and long work - such forgiveness, - adds Tatyana Gavrilyak.
What if he said he didn't love
It is easy to get confused and not know what to do if the husband has fallen out of love when it is only guesswork. But in a situation where a man himself says that he no longer loves you, everything is much more complicated. As we said, the representatives of the stronger sex show weakness in matters of ending relationships that have already become obsolete. Part of the reason is that a sense of duty means a lot to men, and most of them will prefer to stay with you, even if they have a relationship on the side. But if you heard: "Let's break up, I don't love you anymore," you should let him go.
It is important to understand that you will never be happy if your hands are not busy creating your own happiness, but trying to keep the man who is leaving. Holding tightly to his back, you will feel unnecessary. Therefore, it is worth finding the strength in yourself and freeing your thoughts from the person for whom you have ceased to mean something.
What are the reasons why women do not let go of those who do not love them, and continue to live with them under the same roof? Most often, the matter is in common children, fear of loneliness and excessive merging with a partner. “There is nothing good in such relations either. If one does not think of himself without the other, dependent on him, then this is an unhealthy relationship. And it's one thing to destroy a relationship based on love, and quite another - on addiction. But keeping a family for the sake of children is a form of absurdity. Thus, women only justify their fear of loneliness. For children, there can be no benefit from maintaining the appearance of a family. Happy parents are much more valuable to children, regardless of whether they are together or not, ”—
