The son has long been independent, and his mother is still trying to take care of him, calling him, giving advice - alas, the situation is so common that millions of women begin to think about how to drive their mother-in-law away from her husband so that this woman will finally stop interfering in their lives . Today, advice to women on this topic is given by a professional psychologist.
“I am married, no children. My problem is my relationship with my mother-in-law. The fact is that I am very independent, I achieved everything in my life myself, I made all life decisions without the participation of my parents - I was brought up that way.
The husband was brought up differently, all decisions in his family are made by his mother, and both he and his older sister are used to “closing” problems on their mother, who, with stubbornness and fighting impudence, rushes into battle and smashes any obstacles in her path, solving any problems with one blow.
And now, when I have my own family, I seem to live on my own, separately from my own and his parents, I have to think about how to drive my mother-in-law away from my husband. Out of habit, the husband takes everything “for judgment” to his mother, who also decides out of habit with a powerful combat attack.
And all my logical arguments about solving the problem are shattered by its impenetrable “armor” of words: “What are you telling me here, I have been doing this all my life and I am not going to do it differently.” Relations with mother-in-law became unbearable.
The worst thing is that my habit of living on my own now interferes with intra-family relations with my husband. For him, his mother was and remains an indisputable authority, and he motivates everything simply: “She won’t wish me bad - my mother after all!” (some kind of cult of personality!)
An attempt to drive the mother-in-law away from her husband and explain to her husband that she sees his current life rather one-sidedly, that she cannot take into account all the nuances, since after all this is our family life, and not hers, that she can make mistakes and draw wrong conclusions, nor to what did not lead. He either consults with her and his decision is completely her decision, or he refuses to do anything at all, relying on me. The result is conflict. Dina Vitkovskaya.
How to drive mother-in-law away from her husband, psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers:
Alas, the mother-in-law cannot explain this. Because in principle she will not want to understand this and will not be able to. In her understanding, her son will always be a little boy who needs his mother's care and mother's advice.
Perhaps you married a large child so that you could be independent. Because, due to our double morality, we often have two extremes: either a macho man who communicates with his wife according to the principle “shut your mouth, woman, when horsemen are talking”, or a child man who wants to see his wife as a mother and only for this reason ready to listen to her. Of course, there is also a "golden mean", but it must be sought and even created somewhere. And you may have unconsciously preferred one of the extremes.
But now it should be noted that it will be difficult and useless to wait for such a husband to show his opinion. He simply does not have his own opinion - only his mother's! In addition, he is completely uncritical of the behavior of his own parent (this condition usually occurs in children from about a year to three, but in other personalities, as you can see, it sometimes remains for life).
You write that you are trying to teach him. First, sorry, it's late. And secondly, as soon as you begin to teach and educate him, you immediately evoke a natural hostile reaction from your mother-in-law, because you become her rival and competitor - after all, only a mother can raise this child. And you encroach, thus, on its place!
You ask: "How to ward off the mother-in-law from her husband and who makes the decision in the family - we or she." But, sorry, there is no “we” in your family yet - there are you, your husband and his mother, and your question essentially sounds different - who makes the decisions, you personally or she? That is, you actually offer your spouse to make a choice between you and your mother. The situation is very dangerous. If only because an infantile boy, being pinned to the wall, will choose his mother only out of a sense of self-defense ...
The first option: to grab the husband under the arm, like a little one, and drag him away from his mother beyond her reach. That is, in fact, to replace the spouse with the mother.
The second is divorce.
The third is to become your mother-in-law's daughter, indulge her in everything and obey her. Then she will cease to be afraid of you and begin to love, but in her own way, just like her son, without giving any independence.
And the fourth - you yourself mentioned it: to learn diplomacy. Do not shove, excuse me, on the rampage, but subtly manipulate the situation.
“I am 28 years old, my boyfriend is a year and a half younger than me, but that’s not the point. We've been together for a year now. We lived in different cities, and I often stayed with him. As a result, I did not have a relationship with his mother, and despite his crazy love for me, our relationship changed.
I know that he loves me, and the fact that he respects his mother is important to me, but I constantly feel her influence on our relationship. If earlier she offered him to leave with me and rent an apartment, now that I live alone, she is offended that he is almost not at home. His mother is a manipulator, I don’t know how to ward off my mother-in-law from her future husband and what to do ... Alexander Galuz.
How to ward off the mother-in-law from her future husband, psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers:
Alexandra, I'm afraid that in this situation your role is the role of a passive observer. Interfering in the relationship of your man and his mother is a thankless task. He is almost 27 years old, he is not married and he has a very reverent relationship with his mother - this already says a lot.
At the very least, I would have a suspicion that this is not the first time that a mother has interfered in her son's personal life, since most guys at this age are more often "already not married" than "not yet married." Not all of course, but...
In general, according to the totality of “symptoms”, it will be difficult to drive the mother-in-law away from her husband, because his mother is a manipulator, an owner, who is already burdened by the thought that her “boy” can love someone more than her. Hence your problems with her.
By definition, she will not be able to treat you well, since for her you are a rival who wants to “take away” her “man” from her. The situation is very similar to the love triangle "wife - husband - mistress".
But “a wife is not a wall”, and in general, there can be many wives in one man's life, and only one mother. Actually, it is precisely this logic that such mothers operate with. It is curious that they themselves are very afraid of growing old, they do not want grandchildren who will “make them grandmothers”, and the grandchildren who are still born are treated either coolly or as children of their son, and not to the children of their son and daughter-in-law.
In short, the maximum that you can do is not to drive your mother-in-law away from your husband, but to talk with your man, explaining your concerns to him. Calmly (but sadly) tell him everything you feel: that you don't want to get between him and his mom, but just as much you don't want his mom to get between you.
Ask him how he sees your future together. In this situation, this question is quite appropriate. And the future depends only on your man, on how much he loves you and wants to be with you. And, of course, on how much he himself is already a psychologically mature person. If he is a "sissy" - run away from him before it's too late.
One “carriage conversation” comes to mind: a compartment neighbor complained about her mother-in-law, who almost every day, under various pretexts, dragged her son to her after work. Either her shelf fell, then she sprained her leg, then you need to buy medicine that is not sold in her pharmacy, or something else.
And so almost every day. The woman no longer knew how to ward off her mother-in-law from her husband. After work, the husband went straight “to his mother”, and at home he appeared either very late (my mother also fed dinner), or even stayed overnight with her. The situation has not changed even after the birth of the child. The husband, as he was a "son", remained.
And all the talk on the topic “you have your own family; Mom is manipulating you" ended in scandals and the words "Mom always told me that you don't like her." I hope you don't find yourself in a similar situation! Good luck to you!
Your spouse or lover is not only your “half”, he is also the son of his mother. And every couple sooner or later encounters "his mother", who actively "does good and benefits" at the most inopportune moment. And there is nothing worse for men if the two most important women in his life begin to figure out which of them is more important.
The topic of the relationship between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law is revealed by psychologists who have different genders.
Know by sight
“There are 3 types of monster mothers-in-law: hostile/critical, overprotective darling, feigned indifference. The first wages a "war" openly, criticizes, devalues, sets her son against his wife. The second one seems to be acting out of good intentions, but in fact it demonstrates to both her son and his wife that she is better, more caring, smarter. The third, depicting indifference, often utters two signature phrases: “Live / do as you want!”, And then, if something goes wrong, “I told you!”. She, like the other two, devalues, undermines the authority of her son's wife, but does it on the sly. Do you think that the first type of mother-in-law is the most dangerous? In vain. A hyper-caring mom or one that seems to be out of business only seems harmless. If they try, they can deprive you of your husband, and at the same time reward you with guilt, because they seem to “want the best,” says the famous family psychologist Svetlana Boyarinova.
There are many types of mothers-in-law, but there is only one way to build boundaries, and it can be used in any case.
“Ideally, even before marriage, at the beginning of the relationship, it is worth discussing with the future spouse the acceptable degree of intervention of his and her parents, creating rules that both men and women will agree on. At the first attempt to break them, say "Stop!" even mother-in-law, even mother-in-law. And continue to do this until the parents hear and accept this position, ”the psychologist recommends.
Don't wait for the relationship to improve on its own, move on to action.
“Mother and son will quarrel, then make up, and everything will be fine again. You will fight yourself - you will always be bad and extreme. The mother-in-law fights for her son, for his attention and recognition, she, in fact, does not care about you. Whoever is in your place, she will behave in exactly the same way. Her son is important to her, and only her son can stop her. If the husband does not connect - it's bad. You can, of course, say: “You saw who you married! ..”, but this will not make it easier. Therefore, we must continue to include it in the dialogue. Call when the mother-in-law comes, discuss all the important points in his presence. Warn that you will refer to him in a conversation with your mother-in-law, that he decided this together with you, so all questions are for your son, ”Boyarinova believes.
As long as there is no war
The well-known psychologist Viktor Ponomarenko warns all wives who want to neutralize their own mothers-in-law: you should do this only in one single case - “if you want to be unhappy all your life, curse the day you decided to get married, and waste years of your life without gaining anything ".
“In the battle between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law, the mother-in-law always wins. And it's not just about experience. By fighting with her husband's mother (or, in a mild form, "neutralizing" her), a woman destroys her marriage. You did not marry your mother-in-law, but her son. Initially, you had a relationship and an agreement with him. The mother-in-law did not choose you, and you did not choose her either, and there are no agreements / obligations between you. Therefore, the husband must be connected and the sooner the better, ”says Victor.
“If a man is categorically against such attempts to “get into his soul”, if he sends his women to “sort it out themselves”, then you really need to go to his mother and discuss with her the problem of the moral rehabilitation of this somehow failed person. He is immature, offended, disappointed, afraid of something - here is the field for joint work, and not at all for rivalry. There is no one to compete for yet. Here is only a semi-finished product of a man, ”Ponomarenko suggests.
A big mistake is to blackmail her husband, to put him in front of a choice: either she or me. Mother is mother, wife is wife. These are different roles, both women are important to a man.
“Every boy has his own story of relationship with his mother. It is naive to think that with age, with the appearance of his own family, wife and children, this story will end. It will definitely get harder. But it is impossible to cut this complexity in one fell swoop, like a Gordian knot. And to announce to her husband that from now on his mother is taken out of the brackets, because she “interferes with happiness” - this is a deep insult to his whole past. Perhaps he will come to terms with this, for a while. But he won't forgive. In critical, conflict moments, he will definitely remember how his wife reacted to his mother, and negative memories will only increase the desire to divorce. What to do? Calmly and patiently discuss with the man everything that worries him in this regard. Show him some respect. Assessing friendly participation, he will tell everything. After all, his mother was the first truly beloved and close woman in his life. Communicating with her, he learned the female world, female image life, learned to understand women and trust them completely. Or not? Or, instead of sympathy, all these years a protest, a rejection of the feminine principle, with contempt for the opposite sex, has been ripening in him all these years? A smart wife will definitely help her husband to realize what is left beyond his understanding. And he will do everything to bring his son and mother together at a new, adult level, ”the expert warns.
Another mistake is to blackmail the mother-in-law with grandchildren, writes Woman.ru. The children will soon grow up (sooner than one can imagine) and it will not escape their attention that the father is upset every time, and the mother viciously triumphs at the mention of the grandmother. Yes, and grandmother, father's mother, from their childish point of view, is not a bad woman at all. On the contrary, she is kind and gentle.
“So mom is unfair when she deprives us of our grandmother,” the kids will decide. Children are sensitive to injustice. They are ready to protect the offended. And, most importantly, children form their idea of adults by their deeds. Mom in their eyes, in this state of affairs, will no longer be an unconditional authority. Imagine what a crack will appear in the very foundation of the family!
The worst mistake is to include your mother / parents, friends in this situation, to arrange public ridicule of the mother-in-law. Whatever she is, no matter how your husband treats her, with your behavior you hit him, and, in fact, your own relationships.
Who is the mistress of the house
When they try to teach you the mind and give you advice of varying degrees of value, filter the information, and ... do as you intended.
“When listening to the teachings of the mother-in-law, it is important to separate her desire to be needed and feel significant from the essence of the council itself. And keep calm, ”Boyarinova reminds.
“After listening to the advice, politely say: “I heard you, thank you for wanting to help. I will take note, but I will make the final decision myself. You can always move the conversation to another topic. You can, referring to the authorities, explain why you are doing this, or suggest: “Since you are so good at this, do it yourself!”. And what? Let him do it, you will have more time for other activities, ”Ponomarenko suggests directing energy in a peaceful direction.
When the mother-in-law breaks into your territory, you need to politely but firmly stop. Take the keys and forbid to come unannounced. If you live together, it is worth putting a lock on the door, this will teach her to knock.
“If this reasonable advice, in your opinion, is not applicable, if your mother-in-law is a psychopath, and her son is a slobber, maybe you specifically married such a person? Maybe they decided that the resigned and weak-willed “sissy” is an excellent preparation for the future “henpecked” husband, you only need to replace one dominant woman with another? Well, then, sorry, eat what you have prepared for your health, ”the psychologist sums up.
Witch hunt or how to turn a husband against his mother
Excessive attachment of a man to his mother is a problem that cannot be eliminated overnight. Their dependence on each other was formed over the years. Maternal overprotection can have many causes and ulterior motives. In an effort to drive your husband away from your mother, you will have to fight not with the vile character of your mother-in-law, but with images and affections, the root of which goes far into the subconscious of both. If your husband had a desire to get rid of an annoying mom, he would have done it a long time ago. Your task is to awaken this desire in him.
The surest way to excommunicate a husband from his mother is to go somewhere far away. If you are after marriage
intend to live with her under the same roof, there will be no point in further actions. It’s not you who will drive your husband away from your mother-in-law, but she will survive you. Therefore, move to the other end of the city, to another region, and preferably to the other end of the country. Plane tickets are very expensive these days. You will rarely see your mother-in-law.
Only under the condition of territorial remoteness will you be able to excommunicate your husband from your mother-in-law and give the opportunity to germinate the sprouts of independence and psychological independence from the mother. It remains for you to follow in which direction events will develop further.
The husband may turn out to be completely incapable of making independent decisions, he will have to be guided for a long time, babysit, endure his whims. In this case, you have to take on the role of the head of the family and try to replace his mother in everything. Create your own rules for him to replace the lost maternal ones. Yes, all decisions will have to be made alone, and he will only be instructed. Not ideal, but at least the husband will be completely yours.
Perhaps the husband himself wanted to escape from his mother, but he was worried: who will feed the soup if he leaves his mother? He was just comfortable with her. Having got rid of the maternal yoke, he will quickly understand the superiority of an independent life. If mommy is still annoying, and her husband is still going along with her, play a show.
Turn the husband against his mother by provoking a situation where his and her interests clash head-on. For example, your husband is going to a crucial football match, bought tickets, and you agree with your mother-in-law to visit her on the same day or promise that your husband will take her to the country, to the clinic ... Is it possible to refuse your mother? This moment can finally turn the tide of confrontation with your mother-in-law in your direction and drive your husband away from his mother.
To put a husband before a choice: I or she is the greatest stupidity. Life between two fires will end in depression, scandals and rash acts. You will never be able to separate your husband from your mother forever. Any child will worry about their parents.
Call at least to inquire about health. Short conversations will not hurt your relationship. Let her slander you, her husband is not blind. He sees your care, feels love and reverent attitude.
Priorities are best placed in bed. Manipulate your husband through love pleasures. Let the word "wife" be associated with passionate nights, and your name will be the key to erotic memories. Soon the question: “How can a husband be driven away from his mother?” Will disappear by itself. Monologues of the mother-in-law with a negative connotation in such a situation will fly in one ear and fly out the other.
If her presence in your life is still felt at every turn, talk frankly with your husband, discuss the situation. Try to calmly convey to him the things you need. Emphasize that he is a grown man who has his own family. Do not show your negative attitude towards your mother-in-law in his presence. Gently hint that his mother is too much in your life. The time spent talking and meeting her could have been much more interesting and inspiring.
Once and for all, only her own transgressions will help to excommunicate her husband from her mother-in-law. If you can not stand the relationship with this woman, make her husband very disappointed in her. All his life he had a strictly defined opinion about his mother. If you provoke a sharp deviation from the usual image, this can disorient your husband. He simply may not accept the “new” mother and even reject him for a long time.
Harmonious relations between spouses are incredibly painstaking work, in which both partners take part. But what to do if a "third wheel" - the husband's mother - constantly gets into the relationship? So many women face the same problem: the husband listens to the advice of his mother-in-law, and she, in turn, constantly manipulates her son, intervenes in quarrels and conflicts that occur in the family, and often sets her own child against her daughter-in-law. The problem of how to ward off the mother-in-law is truly global. Very often, conflicts with the husband's mother become the cause of discord in relationships and even divorce. Even if you are well acquainted with psychology, apply all existing methods of diplomacy, this does not mean at all that you will be able to influence your own mother-in-law. The fact is that there are such types of people who are initially tuned to the negative. Any attempts to establish peaceful relations with such a person will not lead to anything. So how do you get along with your mother-in-law, or how to ward off your husband from your mother-in-law? Let's talk about it right now!
When getting married, every girl expects that she and her husband will have a friendly and strong family. Unfortunately, sometimes these dreams remain only dreams. Nervousness and serious discord in the relationship brings the mother-in-law. Psychology gives the answer: the fact is that many mothers cannot come to terms with the idea that their adored boy has grown up, out of parental control and guardianship. The mother continues to control every step of her son, regularly comes to his house with checks, can call dozens of times a day, demand an every minute report. Of course, this will annoy the wife.
A special role in this is played by the excessive attachment of a man to his mother. You won't be able to get rid of this problem overnight. The fact is that the dependence of these two people on each other has been formed over the years. Maternal overprotection can have many secret intentions and reasons. When deciding how to ward off a husband from his mother-in-law, you will have to fight not with the character of this woman, but with those images and attachments that have long entered the subconscious of the husband and his mother. The fact is that if your spouse had a desire to get rid of an overly annoying mother, he would have done it long ago. Your main task is to awaken this desire in him.
The situation is aggravated when the spouses live in the house of the mother-in-law. One woman sooner or later will have a desire to take the reins of government. If the daughter-in-law lives on the territory of her mother-in-law, she will have a very difficult time, especially when it is her husband's childhood home, where she is a stranger, albeit a beloved one. Of course, it is very difficult to find some kind of universal recipe that makes life easier, but there are a number of rules, following which you can solve the problem of how to keep your husband away from your mother-in-law forever!
Many women ask themselves: “What if the mother-in-law lives with us and turns her husband against me”? Psychologists say: when you are trying to remake everything in your own way in the house of your husband’s mother, first of all try to think about whether you would like such a situation when someone is in charge of your kitchen? You can deduce the first rule: in no case do not make rationalization proposals for organizing the life of your mother-in-law. You can either remain silent or admire this woman as a hostess. In no case do not complain to the husband's mother about the behavior of the second half. In her eyes you should always be happy own husband. The fact is that she can both listen to you and sympathize, but she will always be on the side of her child. Do not let the mother-in-law drag you into conflicts and showdown! Remember, in such a dispute, truth is not born, you can only find a negative attitude towards each other. Please note: in no case should this look like your defeat or weakness of character! Just try to switch the attention of the mother-in-law to completely extraneous things during disputes.
Of course, one can understand the dissatisfaction and irritation of the daughter-in-law due to the fact that the mother-in-law constantly sets her husband against her. However, it is necessary to refrain from scandals and quarrels, and even more so from ultimatums like "Choose: either I or she." Do not forget that it will be difficult for your spouse to make a decision, because he literally finds himself between two fires. In no case do not interfere with his meetings with his mother, thereby you can only worsen an already difficult situation. In this case, in the eyes of your spouse, his relatives and friends, you will appear as a selfish, insensitive and jealous woman. And believe me, in order to convince everyone around you of this, your mother-in-law will spare neither time nor effort.
The surest way to get rid of the monster mother-in-law is to go somewhere else! In the event that after the wedding you intend to live or already live with this woman under the same roof, there will be absolutely no point in further actions. You won’t drive your husband away from your mother-in-law, but she may well do something similar. That is why move: no matter where - to the other end of the city, to another region, and even better to the other end of the country. So you will have to see your mother-in-law much less often. It is the condition of territorial remoteness, according to psychologists, that makes it possible to solve the question of how to ward off a husband from his mother-in-law. In your soulmate, sprouts of independence and psychological independence from your own mother will hatch. You will only have to direct events in the direction you need.
However, this method may have several disadvantages. For example, it may turn out that your spouse is completely unable to make decisions, for an extended period of time you will have to guide him, babysit him and endure his whims. It is you who will have to replace his mother for some time in all spheres of life. Psychologists recommend creating your own rules for your husband instead of the mother's, which have been lost. Of course, at first you will have to make decisions alone, giving your husband only instructions. Of course, this is not the best option, but the spouse will be entirely yours.
It is possible that your chosen one has long wanted to escape from his mother, but was worried that he would lose a number of household amenities. Only by getting rid of the maternal yoke, he will be able to understand the superiority of independent living. In the event that the annoying mother continues to bother, and your husband follows her lead, try to play a show: provoke a situation where the interests of your soulmate and his mother collide, as they say, “head to head”. For example, if your spouse is going to a football match and has already bought tickets, try to arrange with your mother-in-law to visit her on the same day, promise her that your husband and her son will take her to the dacha or to the clinic that day. Is it possible to refuse your own mother? Such a moment, according to psychologists, will allow you to turn the tide of hostilities with a bad mother-in-law in your direction and drive her away from your family.
What to do if the mother-in-law interferes with life? Experts in the field of family relations say: putting a husband before a choice between himself and his own mother is the greatest stupidity. Life between two fires will certainly end in scandals and even depression. You will not be able to permanently excommunicate your husband from his own person, because any child always worries about his parents. Experts recommend prioritizing in bed. Yes, you understood everything correctly: for some time you will have to manipulate your husband through love pleasures. The word "wife" should be associated with passionate nights, and your name should be the key to erotic memories. After that, you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist - how to ward off your husband from your mother-in-law. The monologues of the husband's mother with a negative connotation in your direction will fly in one ear and fly out the other!
As long as the presence of the mother-in-law is felt in your life literally at every turn, try to talk frankly with your spouse. Explain the situation to him. This should be done in the most calm tone, the emphasis in such a conversation should be on the fact that he is an adult man. At the same time, it is extremely important not to demonstrate a negative attitude towards his mother. Just gently hint that there are too many mothers-in-law in your personal life. The time that a husband spends on the phone or visiting her can be made much more interesting and inspiring! In no case do not swear at your mother-in-law, do not use such expressions as “Your mother got me!” From a pure principle, your husband can remember how many times he was annoyed by his "beloved" mother-in-law. This means that the conversation will end with a transition to personalities and a terrible scandal. Instead, specify that you understand that the mother is worried about her child, wants him to be well. After that, it is worth giving the main argument: explain to your husband that he is an adult and independent man, the head of the family, you should not be allowed to treat yourself like a helpless baby.
What if the mother-in-law is a monster? Is it possible to separate her husband from her? Experts say: her own misdeeds will help you in this! In the event that the relationship with the husband’s mother does not add up, try to make your spouse very disappointed in her. The fact is that for many years he had a certain opinion about his mother. In the event that you manage to provoke a sharp deviation from the usual image, this can simply disorient your spouse. He may not accept the new image of his mother and even reject it for a long time.
Often women complain: "The mother-in-law sets her husband against me." What to do in such a situation? Reduce contacts of the spouse with his mother. You need to find plausible excuses that will allow you to do this. Of course, sometimes this is very difficult, because many mothers-in-law put pressure on pity, saying that this is the fate of all mothers: to raise a child and become unnecessary, some women begin to reproach their son for selfishness and ingratitude. How many times has your husband heard from his mother: “I gave birth to you, raised you, and now your wife comes first for you!”? Be firm. You can refer to your husband's employment at work, his sports or something else. But in no case do not talk about the poor health of the spouse, in this situation you will never get rid of the bad mother-in-law!
The most difficult type of mother-in-law is an imperious woman who is used to the fact that absolutely everyone obeys her. Most often, such a lady has only one son, of course, she will even control the process of his breathing! It is incredibly difficult to drive your chosen one away from such a mother-in-law. In addition, she simply will not allow you to establish diplomatic relations with her. In you, she will see only a servant for her own son. At the same time, she is firmly convinced that you are not a couple for her adored child. What to do if you can’t leave such an “Armageddon in a skirt” either to another continent, or at least to the other end of the city? How to deal with a mother-in-law who sees you as an enemy? Psychologists recommend not letting this situation take its course, because the main goal of a despot mother-in-law is your divorce. The thing is that her beloved son is the basis of her existence, she has absolutely no other goals. That is why psychologists recommend trying to find a new meaning for this woman in life. To do this, you need to carefully study the interests of the husband's mother, her dreams and plans. For example, if she has dreamed of growing crocuses and tulips all her life, and instead works, say, as a primary school teacher, give her a small greenhouse, of course, as an addition to a cozy country house. Believe me, all your expenses will pay off three times! It is extremely important to approach this process creatively and in no case deviate from the intended goal.
Women who find themselves in a difficult situation related to their mother-in-law cannot be envied. Very often they do not have enough strength, or imagination, or simply time to understand how to ward off a husband from his mother-in-law. In ancient times, it was customary to fight such women with the help of various lapels and conspiracies. Some of the magical rites have come down to us, after which mother and son cease to be interested in each other. Which ritual to choose? It depends on what kind of relationship develops in your family. The fact is that for each case they are perfect different variants.
For example, a number of conspiracies help get rid of annoying moralizing, others are aimed at ensuring that the mother of your other half does not interfere in your personal relationships. And sometimes young women want their mother-in-law to completely forget the way to the house. First of all, esotericists recommend performing a ritual that helps to improve relations with the mother-in-law. He stops cursing and awakens love for her daughter-in-law in the heart of her husband's mother. In order to perform this ritual, you will need to purchase 7 candles in the temple and bake a cake with your own hands. The best time for this is a full moon or waxing moon. Around midnight, you need to place candles on the floor, you should get a circle. Exactly at 12 o'clock, you need to light candles, put a pie in the middle of the circle and stand in it yourself. After that, you need to read the following text 7 times:
Now I am my own mother, the one who gave birth to my beloved! So that there were no barriers between us, calm reigned and everything went smoothly! I attract the forces of goodness and love to the hearth, the envious enemy will not penetrate there! Let us get rid of anger and hatred, and get rid of hostility! I cooked a delicious cake, when you taste a sweet piece, So you will love me and call me your beloved daughter-in-law! From now on and forever you will be like a lawful mother to me! Candles will help me in the semi-darkness, a conspiracy to love, sending you! Amen!
These words can be learned or handwritten on white paper. After that, the candles should burn out completely, the cinders should be wrapped in paper on which the plot was written, then they should be buried in a place where a person’s foot does not step. And the cake will need to be eaten together with the husband's mother. In the event that the mother-in-law interferes too actively in family affairs, while exerting a strong influence on her son, a conspiracy will help that will allow her to be driven away from home. The ceremony is quite simple, for it you should choose the time when the moon is waning. At sunrise, you need to take a handful of salt in your palm and say the following words:
Salt salt, white salt, free-flowing salt! Help the servant of God (name) to drive away from my house, so that she lives her life, does her own business, and she was not interested in mine and her husband’s and didn’t climb. Help get rid of her advice and complaints. Save from anger and hostility. Make her forget the way to our house, Yes, she stopped going to us! Amen!
You need to repeat such a conspiracy nine times in a row, and then sprinkle salt at the threshold of the mother-in-law's house. A month later, you need to perform the ritual again. You will see that the mother-in-law will become less interested in the affairs of her son, will find an exciting activity for herself and will stop endlessly getting into your life!
Young women often have to be convinced that the husband's mother creates an unfavorable environment in the family. A family psychologist often has to listen to young women with little marriage experience or newlyweds who are sure that “the mother-in-law is turning her husband against me.”
At the same time, the advice of a psychologist should not be in the nature of general and vague recommendations, because in each specific situation there are certain nuances, and both sides of the conflict can often escalate tension.
The established relationships in which mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are friends are, in fact, so atypical that they should not be mentioned in this case. The daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law in a family conflict are two warring parties between which peace rarely exists.
The best option is armed neutrality. The bone of contention becomes a man who is not able to make the alternative choice offered to him: “either I - or your mother”, “or I - or this adventurer”.
He needs both a wife and a mother, and a mature man is trying to reach a consensus without pushing his beloved women against each other. The emotionally immature "sissy", who is in adulthood under the heel of an overbearing mother, will prefer the one that gave birth to him. But if the palm is given to the wife, to the detriment of the husband’s feelings for the mother, you shouldn’t flatter yourself either: this is a henpecked emotional type, trying to break out from under one dominant and immediately resorting to another.
This is an even more problematic option, because after a while he will calmly leave his wife if there is another attachment, emotional or physical.
A person who grew up in a normal family always needs to create his own. There is nothing surprising in the fact that he does not want to lose the family in which he grew up, so it is difficult to expect that a mature man will take the side of one of his women and unconditionally refuse the second.
The paradox that invariably arises when a mother-in-law turns her son against a woman who is completely alien to her is easy to understand if you understand a few general points for yourself:
The husband's mother climbs into family life her son, because she loves her child and hates the woman who, in her opinion, unjustly took him away and undeservedly got him.
She is not obliged to love her rival, who has taken a place in her boy's heart, which previously belonged only to her.
Internet meme: Son and his wife through the eyes of mother-in-law(photo from the left). Even if she is a smart, tactful, well-mannered and delicate woman, she cannot do anything with nature. Maternal jealousy directed against the daughter-in-law leads to this. that she is at war with her rival, complains to her son about her in order to win her over to her side again, naturally feels hostility.
The problem is that a smart, tactful, delicate and well-mannered mother-in-law is extremely rare. If one comes across, it must be protected and cherished. She hides her dislike with all her might, is ashamed of the feelings experienced and understands their natural nature.
Therefore, she is friends with the chosen one of her son or keeps a strong neutrality.
The rest, who do not have the undeniable advantages of an ideal mother-in-law, are divided into 3 conditional types:
To give advice, oddly enough, in any case, a specialist in family relations has similar ones, because there are only two ways that can solve the problem.
The first, from the point of view of a psychologist, is only the spheres of influence on the husband, and the determination of the permissible boundaries of intervention in the affairs of a young family by parents. The second is to establish good relations with the mother-in-law, or at least their appearance.
The basic strategy in normal family relationships works in much the same way, and contains several points that must be followed.
An open war with dragging a common man to either side will not work, because the mother is always alone, and the son has a long history of joint relationships with her.
Therefore, it is necessary to distinguish between spheres of influence, and if the husband does not want to deal with this problem, do it on his own. Talk to your mother-in-law and clearly explain to her to what extent she is allowed to interfere in your new family.
Needless to say, this rule should work on mutual terms, and the wife's parents should be given the same boundaries.
My mom's rule is smart, but yours needs to be repelled, you need to forget. If conditions of non-intervention are imposed on one side, then the other must also be defined within equivalent boundaries.
Talk to your husband and try to explain your feelings to him so that he understands what it is all about, but do not pour negativity on him. Simply tell intelligibly about your experiences, without trying to denigrate or humiliate his mother. Any type of mother-in-law cannot be weaned at once and instantly.
You will have to repeatedly defend your right, through negotiations and reminders. But this should be done calmly, firmly and correctly, in no case showing the experienced emotions. This will not bring much benefit, but it will give the mother-in-law pleasure, and will give a reason to demonstrate ill health, which is often used for deft manipulations by sons. The main thing is not pressure and not setting an alternative - me or her.
A constructive dialogue with the husband and parents on both sides will bring much more benefits.
You need to try to do this, and preferably in such a way that the husband understands and feels it. After a polite and firm delimitation of permissible spheres of influence, this will require a lot of effort.
Demonstrate your respect for her opinion and ask for advice on various occasions. Praise her son and talk about his virtues.
In no case should one speak negatively about the mother-in-law with her son and the son with his mother, even if there are specific reasons for dissatisfaction. It's useless because she will always be by his side. Do not give reasons for complaints and manage the household in such a way that there is nothing to complain about (although there is still a reason).
Do not turn the children against her, because they will spill the beans sooner or later anyway.
In this video, the psychologist will give you some useful tips How to build a relationship with your mother-in-law:
Find with mother-in-law mutual language very difficult, especially if you have to live with her. If it doesn’t work out at all, then at least maintain the appearance of good-neighborly relations, clearly specifying all the points that may be the causes of conflicts, and developing tactics of behavior depending on the type of mother-in-law that you have to determine for yourself. What do you think about this?
