"A man in love is like a blind child"
THE PAIN OF BECAUSE
To be loved mutually means to be significant, especially valuable and necessary for one very close and dear, beloved person.
This boundless happiness can collapse in one moment, as soon as a person learns abouttreason
. Pain from treason the stronger, the stronger the attachment and trust to the person who has changed, the more hopes for a joint future and happiness are associated with him, the more the shared past brings him closer.
The need to be loved by a person is one of the basic (basic) needs. Pain from treason beloved (close person) is due to the feeling that you have been abandoned, traded, rejected.
With the knowledge of the fact treason a person's attitude changes drastically. Faith in oneself weakens, there is an acute feeling of one's own inferiority, on the one hand. On the other hand, the agonizing need to be next to the person you really need and to whom you are attached remains unsatisfied. The mental state is saturated with aggression - how he dared (dared), self-abasement (inferiority) - shortcomings are sorted out, qualities are compared "I'm bad, because they didn't choose me!" absent-mindedness - everything falls out of the hands of “Thoughts beat on hands” (I. Talkov), depression - I don’t want to continue to live.
WHAT IS CHANGE
Treason- this is not just an action, it is a subjective experience of a particular person in response to his preference for another. Majority psychologist ov are called to treat treason philosophically - forgive, understand, accept, forget, cope with your emotions, analyze the situation and try to fix it. I believe that experiences associated with betrayal deeply personal, treason concerns only two (who changed and who changed). For some, light flirting on the side will become a hard pain, but for some, perennial treason husband or occasional trips to prostitutes-
in the order of things. The depth of experiences is caused, first of all, by the need for close relationships, if this need is very weak, then a person will react more calmly to spree on the side than someone who is aimed at monogamous serious relationships, where two belong to each other, and there is no place for a third. The exception is a number of men who regard their woman as their property and do not allow either her flirting or her treason, as this will deal a crushing blow to their self-esteem and pride.
TO FORGIVE OR NOT TO FORGIVE
Treason- a blow to self-esteem. The position “I won’t forgive” helps to raise your self-esteem. Pride and self-esteem are always there. Pride relieves the pain of humiliation and inferiority, but leads to separation and more pain if you really want to be with this person. Psychologist The ical recommendation is always the same - to forgive and let go for your own good and peace, and decide for yourself: “Do I want to be with this person who risks our relationship so easily or not?”
To forgive or not to forgive is a choice that a person will make. What is more important for him, to stay and accept or leave, to be alone or to try to date another person? Friends, on the one hand, can open your eyes and help you look objectively at the situation, and on the other hand, you love, you know better what to do, especially since theyin their judgmentscome from their personal experience.
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE PAIN OF CHANGE
Emotions…
Few people succeed, having learned about treason for which he was absolutely unprepared to remain calm. Of course, everything is very individual, but the common thing for everyone is a flurry of negative emotions. prevails anger, hatred, resentment, fear of losing a loved one, guilt that something was done wrong and provoked treason. This is followed by despair and the "parade of catastrophe emotions" ends with a depressive state.©The author of the article you are reading now, Khramchenko Nadezhda/
On the first day, you need to give free rein to your emotions. Do not reassure yourself, but splash them out, however, no matter how insulting it may be, it is important to do without self-harm for your own good. A friend or girlfriend to whom you can talk out and find support from them will be very helpful. A similar therapeutic effect occurs when listening to songs about betrayal and the suffering of their heroes. In addition, strong emotions are friendly with physical activity. This means when you are embraced by a strong anger, corrosive resentment and guilt, leave the house, take a walk at a brisk pace, breathe in fresh air slowly, if you are in a gassed city, look for a park. If you still stay at home - clean the apartment, throw out junk and rubbish, wash the floor, exercise yourself, shovel snow in winter, work in the garden in summer. This is a wonderful cleansing of negative emotions, which, if not splashed out, can explode a person in the most inopportune situation.
The first day is for a splash of negativity, you can cry and move actively. The following days are for acquiring positive emotions. Remember what gives you extraordinary joy, then do it. At work, think about pleasant moments, learn to dream and visualize (imagine) your dream. Can't move away from the negative and get positive emotions? Accept your pain, admit to yourself that trouble has happened to you, and no one is immune from trouble. At the same time, learn to receive positive emotions not from one, but from another, not from another, but from a third. Discover new facets of life, try new things. Somewhere there is a loophole to joy. Be active, look for it, not despairing, but recognizing your pain from treason close person. After all, it’s stupid to say that nothing happened, but also to kill yourself with negative destructive emotions because of what happened, and anger, resentment, fear, guilt - these are all destructive emotions, it's not worth it.
Again
I will say , treason is a challenge to self-esteem. And you need to take care of it first of all. Here it is important to understand changed not because you are not something
good, but for other reasons. Perhaps you are simply not suitable for each other, and your chosen one (tsa) does not value your relationship, there are people who cannot but cheat, or maybe the seducer (nice) tried very hard (s) to get his way. Inspire yourself with the idea that they changed, not because you are bad, but because they could not appreciate you adequately. Be someone else in your place treason would also take place. Remember more often any compliments, praises from relatives or at work, especially from boyfriends, that you have ever received in your life. Ask a loved one for therapy to tell you what he especially likes about you. If you record it on a dictaphone and listen to it, it will be absolutely wonderful.
Do more often the things that you especially succeed in, admire the fruits of your labor, admire yourself.
The best doctor for treason close - a favorite thing and occupation. Lucky are those who have a job in which they can fully immerse themselves. Otherwise, find yourself a hobby. It is great if it leads to new acquaintances and meetings.
Set life goals, distant and near best, personal, work, family. This will give you and your life a special value and significance.
Try to replace the emptiness from the loss of a loved one or trust in him with the fullness of life. Very often, when parting, a woman begins to gain weight intensely, she seizes the emptiness from the loss of a loved one, then she is overcome by depression when looking in the mirror. A number of others drink emptiness to drink, seeking to get away from despair with the help of alcohol. These are destructive actions. The emptiness from the loss of a loved one needs to be filled, but not with alcohol or food.
As soon as negative emotions come up, immediately switch to activities or just dream. Close your eyes and visualize your dream, imagine it. This is also an activity, active, healing, an activity of the imagination.
Speaking of visualization. If you want to quickly forget traitor(tsu), sit comfortably in a chair, leaning on its back, relax, close your eyes, imagine his (her) face, body. If it is beautiful, change the image to ugly, if he (she) turned out to be tall (oh), then make it low (oh), if he (she) is fat (th), then make his (her) image thin etc. change qualities traitor to the opposite. Then shrink its image until it turns into a dot and destroy it.
Visualization can also be done with images of sex scenes if they bother you.©The author of the article you are reading now, Khramchenko Nadezhda/
They usually suffer from physical treason, and the person with whom this was done may begin to have strong feelings about their appearance. But, firstly, appearance is far from everything, we all grow old, it changes very quickly, and secondly, in every person there is something very meaningful and important for his loved ones. Please think about your qualities for which you can be loved and appreciated and be sure to take care of your appearance. Physical exercise, swimming, is great for both men and women. Changing eating habits to healthy ones will also lead to good vitality. Hairstyle, jewelry, properly selected cosmetics will transform any woman. In a man, a change in style will give self-confidence.
Now why not flirt and experiment with your sexuality. For a woman, it is important to feel desired, but for a man, a conqueror and no treason should not destroy and annihilate human life. Even if age and a mirror urge you to give up, you need to regain your self-esteem, significance, move towards the fullness of your life and damn it. And sexual attraction.
Don't neglect the help of a psychologist. When you share your pain with others, they are drawn to give advice. It just so happened. The psychologist accepts you and your difficult situation as you are. I can give professional advice individually to get out of this depressing state and recover. You also have the opportunity to take a course of personal work with me, so as not to fall into such circumstances again.To sign up for consultation in the reception psychologist, you at home, by Skype ,by phone, Can
" Who lost his wings - afraid to fall in love,
Betrayal can take many forms. A loved one who has an affair on the side, a close friend who spreads bad rumors about you, a business partner who ran away with money and left you to deal with creditors are just a few typical examples.
In my work, I come across such stories from time to time, and what strikes me most is the emotional reaction it causes in those who have become its victims. It inflicts wounds, confidence crumbles to dust, and shame often hides under rage and amazement.
Some react to betrayal by hiding from the world and avoiding communication altogether. Sometimes they try to keep the fact a secret - especially when it comes to personal life. A victim of adultery may be reluctant to make the incident public for fear of public stigma.
Isolation dooms us to loneliness and alienation, which can eventually lead to depression.
The one who was betrayed is not to blame for what happened, but may feel responsible for it and feel shame. In therapy, I often ask clients, “Why are you so ashamed? Did you cheat/steal/lied/spread rumors?
By hiding from others information about an event that is painful for us, we thereby deprive ourselves of the opportunity to receive support or see what happened from a different point of view. Because of this, we begin to blame ourselves for being naive or to argue that we ourselves provoked the betrayal. Isolation dooms us to loneliness and alienation, which can eventually lead to depression. But to successfully heal trauma, we need just the opposite.
1. Allow yourself to process what happened. Some take action immediately, but it's perfectly fine to give yourself time before reacting. This is especially important if you have thoughts of revenge.
2. Take care of yourself- both physically and emotionally. Eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, and be kind to yourself.
3. Try to protect yourself from further damage, which the "traitor" can inflict on you. For example, if a business partner turned out to be financially unscrupulous, deal with financial issues as quickly as possible. If you have been cheated on, but you have decided not to break off relations yet, protect yourself from possible diseases.
4. Share your experiences with someone you trust. It's not the time to hide. Communicate more often with those who appreciate you, know your best qualities well and will help you not to drop your self-esteem.
5. Don't take the blame for what happened. Remind yourself why you were in a relationship with this person and what you hoped for. Show compassion for yourself, remembering that betrayal is quite common and many have experienced it.
Sometimes after it it seems that we can no longer trust anyone. It is important to maintain relationships with people who can help us, communication with whom gives us strength and brings joy. Do not let what happened destroy your relationship with those who have never done anything wrong to you. Try to find time every day to talk about something pleasant and positive.
Recovery from betrayal will take time. During this period, it is important to treat yourself with maximum kindness and attention. You deserve it.
PHOTO Getty Images
It's been a year and a half since I found out about my husband's infidelity. On the surface, everything is fine with us now, but I find myself that I can no longer believe him. I don't know how to live with this. We worked on the relationship for a long time after his love affair, and everything seemed to be fine with us again. And here is the confusion again. Sometimes I feel like I've stopped loving him. I'm already tired of thinking about what happened every day, but I can't help myself. Is there any way out?
Anna, 42 years old
Do not despair. I am familiar with this situation because most of my clients struggle with the same dilemma. In short, I can boil down my approach to five simple steps.
Please don't beat yourself up for not being able to magically leave it all in the past and move on as if nothing had happened. Perhaps your husband's infidelity has been the biggest shock of your life so far, and it poses a serious threat to your well-being, so I'm not surprised that the pain keeps coming back and the same thoughts are spinning in your head. And you still can't understand how this monstrous betrayal could even happen.
Reception 1: Name your feelings out loud, instead of letting them bubbling endlessly somewhere inside - it really helps. Tell yourself, "I feel angry, I'm worried, I'm confused" or something else. You don't have to do anything about these feelings - just acknowledge them. Sometimes I ask my clients to start keeping a diary of feelings, where they record the time, the feeling, and the reason that caused it at the moment (some event or thought). Run it for a few days or weeks and you will find certain patterns. Believe me: if you notice your feelings, observe them, and do not suppress them, they will gradually weaken and become more manageable over time.
Many feelings arise as a result of our thoughts. We tend to believe everything that our inner voice broadcasts as the ultimate truth. However, he often exaggerates or combines events from different life situations to provide us with irrefutable evidence that life is over. (I call this "catastrophic thinking".)
Reception 2: Do not let harmful thoughts poison your life, but for this, write them down. Write as if your inner voice is dictating to you. And when you write everything, word by word, you will see that there is nothing particularly frightening there. Go back to the beginning of the text and look for exaggerations. For example, you wrote: "I'm so tired of thinking about cheating every day." I would be hooked by the phrase "every day." I think the word "often" reflects reality more accurately.
I know this is a very minor change, but the new word is no longer perceived as helpless, right? And then you might want to add a few clarifications. And write: “I often think about cheating and sometimes feel exhausted after it, although it also happens that after that I feel better.” I guess that the latter option is not only softer, but also more accurate. Reread the text again and pay attention to “always”, “never”, “should”, “should” and other words from the category of black and white vocabulary.
You remember your husband's betrayal for a reason. Not because you bad person and are unable to forgive a partner or do not want to save the marriage. Most likely, your feelings are trying to tell you that some issues remain unresolved and that your relationship needs to be given more attention. For example, your sex life has become too insipid, or your husband is constantly in conflict with your daughter, and you are forced to be torn between them, as if between two fires. If you continue to ignore these warning signals, your unconscious mind will send them over and over again.
Reception 3: Go back to the diary entries that your inner voice dictated to you. Once you've filtered out the exaggerations, you're left with a few fairly straightforward tasks. For example, balancing work and home life; go out somewhere together, because you have not done this even once in the last couple of months. Since you have already guessed what the memories are telling you, it would be quite logical to take practical steps to solve these problems. For example, turn off your phone after 9 p.m. or book a table at your favorite restaurant.
If a person works as a secretary in the reception, you are unlikely to expect that he will balance correctly or conduct excellent business negotiations. But I sometimes meet pioneers who expect from their partner some special spiritual subtlety, the ability to be aware of their own and other people's feelings, which in no way corresponds to his upbringing and character traits.
In particular, to the question "Why did you need this novel?" in many cases, the answers will be incomprehensible, simply because up to this point no one has asked a person about motivation. You may be counting on your partner to listen and sympathize with you even when you are angry, criticizing or shaming him, while he (she) most of all needs now to work with a therapist who can reach through the shell to a person seeking support.
Reception 4: We tend to see our partners the way we like to see them, rather than the way they really are. And yet, for some reason, we are sure that they think exactly the same as we do. Although girls are usually raised differently than boys, the appearance of children affects women and men differently. Try to accept in a partner not only his strengths, but also his shortcomings. Be aware that there is something impossible for him, beyond his strength.
The most destructive of all emotions is shame. You will feel embarrassed for the recent tantrum or outburst of anger, and even more ashamed of you for being cheated on, and for the fact that you, apparently, are not good enough. Since this feeling is unpleasant for us, we desperately try to avoid it. The most typical way is to try to be perfect in everything and hope that this will protect us from possible future suffering. We try to be the best for our partner and hope that he too will turn out to be the perfect repentant sinner. And I often meet people who paint their relationship before the betrayal as ideal and then doubly angry at the spouse who ruined this whole idyll.
Reception 5: I like the phrase of the German philosopher Immanuel Kant: « From such a crooked log as a man, you can’t cut anything straight » . In other words, we cannot be perfect because we are human. And when we make a mistake or fail to achieve the impossible, we are nonetheless ashamed of it. Returning to the first point, take this feeling in yourself and analyze the thoughts that arise about this. It's certainly worth aiming to be the best version of yourself and your marriage to be the best version of yourself, but please, let's not aim for absolute perfection.
Andrew J. Marshall- family therapist, author of I Love You But I'm Not in Love With You, Bloomsbury, 2007.
I sat somehow, thinking, chewing on a pencil, and as a result I decided that I know why people react so sharply to betrayal.
Accordingly, I will tell you.
I have a hypothesis that, thinking about relationships, appreciating them, imagining and anticipating them, many view relationships as something one-time. In the sense - so that if we start, then with an indispensable guarantee that these relationships will be long and happy (by the way, it is the fear that the relationship will end that keeps some from creating a family).
Hence such a rejection of betrayal follows - after all, this is a blow to the hard-won, nurtured picture of an eternal relationship. Here lives a woman with such a picture. Living means living. Everything seems to be quiet and peaceful, the picture corresponds.
And then - bang bang! - suddenly finds out that her husband has cheated on her (or is cheating on her). What happens to our heroine? Shock, blow, the world collapses, everything flies into hell.
Cheating husband puts the wife's picture of eternal love under a big question. That is why his fuck on the side is called treason, like treason to the motherland. By betraying the Motherland, a person betrays his country. By cheating on his wife, he betrays her picture of eternal love.
Exactly the same thing happens to a husband if his wife cheated on him. He had a picture, the picture was betrayed.
Where the discussed idea of relationships as an eternal given comes from, I do not know. It can be assumed that this is a reaction to separation from the mother in the maternity hospital. Say, they torn us away from our parents - so we are afraid that the partner will also run away.
There is another option - historical. Previously, relationships were indeed longer, since married spouses were allowed to divorce much less often than now. Needless to say, I had to live a long time. Sometimes even the truth - endured, fell in love. Well, since social stereotypes change slowly, the habit of eternal relationships has remained.
I think you can find many more explanations, but in this case it doesn’t matter how everything really works there.
The fundamental question is what to do with such layouts?
On this occasion, here's what I think - it makes sense to adequateize your ideas about relationships. In other words, to see them as they are, and not as you want to see them.
Firstly relationship is not a permanently frozen structure, but an ever-changing process. Therefore, there is always a chance that this process will take a wrong turn. Therefore, you need to be constantly on the alert, keep your finger on the pulse.
Secondly Relationships, like any process, can end. Therefore, you need to be prepared for this. Or, at least, remember this scenario.
Third Divorce and separation is not the end of life. Well, you were together, well, you parted - all this is not a reason to consider your life over. And if it’s so hard, study my notes about divorces (, and,).
Finally, and there are many good specialists who help to survive the post-divorce state and get out of it changed, recovered.
As for cheating... The question is not whether it's good or bad (it happens, for example, that cheating only strengthens a marriage). The question is how does your spouse feel about it. And whether you are ready to hurt a loved one.
And I have everything, thank you for your attention.
By the way, find out more details about cheating.
This entry was posted in tagged , by the author.And what to do if children are also inscribed in the picture of the world of the wife? And at real treason husband (if she finds out), everything will really fly into hell.
I mean myself, of course.
I have not yet been enlightened to the extent that I am happy for my husband that he had great sex with another woman.
Why rejoice?
- Well, for example, at the suggestion of her husband - what now 3! a person is happy - they are with each other, and I am for them !!! 🙁
And in my opinion this is just a blow to self-esteem. "Changed, so I'm not perfect." But really, which one of us is perfect, honey? Of course you are not perfect. He (a man) cheats in order to try many women and assert himself through this, and you, of course, are not perfect, you can’t become a mom-dad, you can’t replace many women at once, you don’t know how to send impulses to the brain so that a person immediately changed, and no one can.
Of course, the pain is also a blow to self-esteem. I agree with you.
Does a woman have a goal to be perfect? Does she have a task to replace mom - dad and other women? Sorry, this is bullshit. Each person is unique and he has a goal to live his life happily ever after, and not “replace someone”. "Replace someone" smacks of infantilism and child-parent relationships. Don't find?
As you understand, the changer himself is also far from perfect.
I will quote the words of the Great Family Therapist Mikhail Alexandrovich Labkovsky: “when we love, we don’t need others”, hence the conclusion: if he cheats, then he doesn’t love. This conclusion sits deep at the level of our subconscious, hence the pain. What is pain? This is a NATURAL reaction of our body to actions or processes that threaten human life and health. Its purpose is to draw attention to the danger. In this case, the behavior of another person threatens mental and physical health. Pain tells us - danger! So what needs to be done? That's right - leave! As Mikhail Alexandrovich says, “Do not be patient! Get out of this shit." A person with a healthy psyche, a person who loves himself, will never waste his time and energy on people who do not love him, they are simply not interested in them. Feeling the pain, he immediately break off the relationship. Here the pain has a very important purpose, show the person “run away! save yourself! Seek fruitful, healthy relationships! But the neurotic will try his best to return or maintain the relationship, because he revels in pain like a masochist.
Pavel will certainly ask the question “why don’t you appreciate the relationship?”
I will answer right away. Relationships cannot be more valuable than a person, we cannot love someone more than ourselves. Having changed the partner transmits an absolutely clear signal “I don’t love”, and why should we impose ourselves on someone who doesn’t love us? Why settle for a relationship that doesn't suit us? This is the lot of neurotics, and in their case we are not talking about love. Cheating completely washes safety and fruitfulness from relationships, calls into question long-term. A normal person does not need such relationships, as pain signals.
This is a betrayal, it is always behind your back, moreover, they swore never to do it .... Pure water "scam" from the side of the one who became closest to everyone in the world and betrayed, and it is impossible to treat this normally if you loved (a) or love .... It's "pi…." in general - moral and spiritual.
Help me to understand? The husband "finally" cheated - in a relationship for 15 years and, of course, she is to blame. It's not about that. As a result of the discussion, the husband proposed the following scheme: “In the future, I cannot and do not want to guarantee my fidelity, but in order to continue the relationship, I must be absolutely sure that you are absolutely faithful to me.” The answer to the question "what is the reason for such asymmetry?" He does not know. I, too, can’t figure it out, what are the deep foundations of such a masculine position?
It will hurt from betrayal or not, it depends on how a person perceives betrayal, how he relates to it. perceives betrayal as a choice of a partner, and perceives a partner as an independent person, then it will not hurt him so much, and maybe it won’t hurt at all.
By the way, dear Pavel, I wanted to express my opinion to you. You often mention the concept of “feeling”, “feeling”. But feeling is the prerogative of a sensual type of person. less likely to "feel".
This is also where the different perceptions of betrayal by different types of people lie. It is kinesthetics who receive the greatest pain from a partner’s betrayal. Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” talks about different perceptions of the world and human life, and it is the person whose language is the language of touch that reacts more painfully to betrayal. Because a sensual person transmits and perceives love through touch, through his feelings, through emotions.
“Where the discussed idea of relationships as an eternal given comes from, I don’t know. It can be assumed that this is a reaction to separation from the mother in the maternity hospital. Say, we were torn away from our parents - so we are afraid that the partner will also run away.
Not only at birth, a person receives the fear of “betrayal.” Parents can instill it in their child at a later age, in the period until a more or less meaningful perception of life has come. This is also from my personal example (thank God, I understood where the legs grow from my problem). And so, everything is said correctly. 🙂
Hello Pavel. I would like to hear your professional opinion on one issue. We have been living with my husband for about 14 years, we have two beautiful children. About 4 years ago I found out that my husband was cheating on me and he still does it. She doesn’t leave the family, she exhibited him several times, our relationship is very, very bad, we haven’t had sex for about a year, communication is very poor. When asked why you come here, because you have another and you love her for a long time, he replies that he loves children and cannot live without them. I tell him that you do not live with children, but with me and I feel bad and hurt from what is happening between us. Why doesn't he leave anyway? because of the children or what is waiting for me? Is there any chance to improve relations in our situation.
Svetlana, good afternoon.
If (I emphasize - if!) This is so, then you have no chance. Before you is the father of your children, but not your spouse.
Did I answer your question?
Pavel, hello! I really hope to read your advice on how you can set yourself up to survive the period of betrayal. The husband and his mistress have the second stage of the novel, they are excellent together, they communicate every day. At the same time, he tells me that I am the best for him, etc., but it’s just fine with her. I agree that we need to decide. At the same time, the mistress demonstrates their relationship to me and somehow sets him up so that he rips off the negative on me (alternating with assurances about my ideality). In her words, I see an open intention to destroy the family and the consumer attitude towards him (although the husband does not see this). My thoughts: if I don’t ruin my relationship with him, sooner or later he will turn on his brain and realize that she simply does not respect him. But by torturing myself and crying every day, I'll just make things worse. Only individual work with a psychologist will help here, or are there ways that I don’t know how to understand myself? It’s impossible to turn off feelings and perceive the situation from a distance, although usually my mind rules.
Valeria, of course, it will not work to turn off feelings. This rarely happens to anyone. Here is my categorical advice to you - cry for your health and be prepared that your husband will leave. Then he will definitely stay.
I'm serious.
Pavel, thank you!!!
Hello Pavel. Help understand. If it’s unbearable from the betrayal of a beloved man, is it somehow possible to work with this? After 9 months of relationship, I could no longer turn a blind eye to betrayal and left today. The man was afraid that I would leave (although he always said - “if you don’t like something, leave”), he loves me. But he doesn’t want to give up cheating (using prostitutes). He said that I’m not a wise woman, since I can’t accept the fact that all men cheat. He asked “how will it harm you that I will have sex with other women?”. The answer that it hurts was not perceived as an argument. I feel like I ruined everything. You could tell, this is life in rose-colored glasses - to consider that there can be no betrayals? It would be wiser to change your attitude to treason? Is it realistic that it does not hurt, is not disgusting? Sorry if it's messy.
Hello Pavel.
_Good afternoon!
If it’s unbearable from the betrayal of a beloved man, is it somehow possible to work with this?
_Of course it is possible. But is it necessary?
I feel like I ruined everything.
_Here you are in vain.
You could tell, this is life in rose-colored glasses - to consider that there can be no betrayals?
_Here - yes, these are rose-colored glasses. A sober look - betrayals are unpredictable (even your own, what can we say about others).
It would be wiser to change your attitude to treason?
_Don't know. It is not for me to decide what is reasonable in such cases, what is not.
Is it realistic that it does not hurt, is not disgusting?
_Really, but, I repeat, is it necessary?
Thank you. Yes, perhaps this is the main and important question - “is it necessary?”. There are many doubts about the decision made, fear that I made it on emotions, so I think what else could be done, but maybe not worth it if there was no desire to change something in response.
And on the last question, you can find out how, in principle, this is possible? Except for the option that there are already no feelings and the person does not care. If you love, but you are cheating, beloved, what to do so that it does not hurt?
And yet, if I understand correctly, “cheating is unpredictable” means that they may or may not happen. However, this is not the same as "all men cheat." Did I understand you correctly?
shitty psychologist
Good afternoon Pavel. Husband is 64 years old. He cheats with a married neighbor about his age. She only found out about it last year. But it turns out their relationship has been going on for a very long time, for a dozen years. It was the same with my previous wife. The mistress teaches him how to deceive me, watches from the windows when I leave. Our houses are next to each other. Unfortunately, I didn't know anything when I married him. We've been married for about five years. There is no opportunity to disperse in the near future, at least a year and a half, and this must be taken for granted. The daughter advises not to pay attention and take care of yourself. But how is this possible in reality? Love has vanished, only squeamishness and contempt. And I don't know how to switch the brain. How to endure this bondage
Often, at the time of marriage, a woman is confident in her man. She fully understands that he is with her "in grief and joy, wealth and poverty." However, in reality the situation is different. After the honeymoon and years life together the man starts looking to the left. Perhaps this is due to a household routine or the girl has stopped taking care of herself. The essence is clear: the satellite has changed the lady of the heart, the woman is in despair and constantly cries.
In order not to bring yourself to delirium tremens, you need to clearly understand - if you betrayed, this is his problem, not yours. Learn the basics that will help you deal with the situation more easily.
Don't change your answer
Do not resort to female tricks
Don't drink alcohol
Don't try to take revenge
Give no arguments
Do not panic
After realizing what is happening, you need to move on or return to the past if the relationship has not yet ended. It all depends on the starting position of both parties.
Take change for granted
Don't hold back your emotions
Review your habits
Relax
After the betrayal of her husband, do not lean on alcohol, try to think objectively. Do not resort to female tricks in the form of a love spell, tears, blackmail. Remove rose-colored glasses and realize that treason has occurred. Try to move forward, take a break, radically reconsider the habitual foundations of life. Don't close yourself off from interacting with the opposite sex.
