Yesterday I drank tea with my girlfriends, chatted "for life".
And then one of our girlfriends, after the fifth cup of "tea", suddenly burst into tears and said that her husband had gone to live with her mother.
Just like that, for no apparent reason, without quarrels and scandals. Just left.
The daughter's wedding was celebrated, the children went to live in their apartment, and two weeks later Genka came home from work, packed his things and left. Silently.
25 years lived in perfect harmony. And here's a low blow for you.
Two months have passed. Not going to return. He communicates very nicely with his wife, pays for communal apartments, communicates with his daughter, helps her, his mother is perplexed. To all questions, he smiles and says that with family life finished forever, and he has no one with a deep neckline and naive eyes. Just tired of everything.
Of course, we also wondered: how can you get tired? just leave? they were looking for a reason, rummaging through some intimate underwear ... Katerina, from whom her husband left for her mother, cried, swore that she had never looked "to the left", she had not given birth to a second child, she went to an abortion, although she really wanted to, and persuaded, and his mother encouraged him. It seemed that from the day of the wedding he dreamed of a divorce. But they lived well. The family is very friendly, cheerful, bright. And here's to you...
Well, we, connoisseurs of other people's darkness, also did not find reasons for parting.
I knew this situation before other friends and even talked with Gena more than once both at the request of Katerina and at the request of his mother, whom I also know for a long time.
Cause? "There is no her." Just left is all. He was tired of his wife, he was worries and mouse fuss, from some useless obligations to numerous relatives, from guests of all stripes, from nephews and nieces, who had to live with them during their studies for six months or more, from relatives, who went to the hospital and stayed for a week, then shopping for school, for the new year, for 23 and 8, then for spring, then for winter, then for summer. Tired of a man from relatives.
Katerina and Gennady are 42 years old, got married at 17. They look much younger than their years.
Katerina does not even want to think about a new family, and Gennady even more so. He says that he had had enough already, they forced him to marry at 17, Katya was pregnant, he was to blame, he didn’t refuse, therefore, he raised his daughter until marriage, fulfilled his obligations, and now he has the right to live the way he wants.
“Once again?” Genka was sincerely surprised? “No way! Then why would I leave Katya? I want an independent quiet life. I want to teach lessons with him in my 50s and on parent meetings run. And before these meetings, how many! I don't want to work 3 jobs anymore. I can not do it anymore. In order for my family to live well, I worked so much that sometimes I could not move, but now I don’t want to. I have a favorite job, a favorite room, a favorite sofa. I want to dig in the garden after work, they have 12 acres, heat a bathhouse, read a book, play chess with my father, drink beer with friends, and go fishing for the weekend, travel not to sea resorts, but with a backpack along impassable paths.
During our last conversation, Gennady told me: "You may not believe it, but I don't need anyone. I'm completely happy. And I'm happy precisely because of the absence of a woman nearby."
Katerina cried, said that life had treated her unfairly.
She planned a cloudless old age, grandchildren, a cottage with lawns and swings, and then such a turn.
If your husband left the family - this is not a reason to fall into hysterics and think that life is over. There is a correct behavioral tactic that will help to avoid stress and adequately solve the problem. We will share it in this article. You will learn why spouses leave their wives, how to respond to the desire to file for divorce, how to behave when parting. You will also decide what to do after the breakup of a marriage, whether it is worth returning the departed man and how to do it correctly. You will find advice from experienced psychologists and a way out of the situation.
Most often, psychologists name the following reasons:
There can be many reasons why a loved one decided to leave his wife and get divorced, and not all of them are limited to cheating spouses or mutual claims.
If the lover has not yet left the family and is in no hurry to file for divorce, but intends to do so, the woman needs to show restraint and wisdom. Excessive emotionality will only harm the situation. How should one behave in such a case?
Psychologists emphasize that in most cases, separation can be prevented, and sometimes an elementary conversation saves from divorce. But overwhelmed by pride and resentment, the spouses refuse to hear each other's claims.
To prevent a crisis, you need to talk, discuss problems and decide if there is a way out of this situation.
If the partner nevertheless decided to divorce, you need to behave as follows:
The main thing is not to seem like a victim. If the woman cries and begs, the partner wants to leave the house as soon as possible. If she looks detached, independent, grains of doubt may arise in him.
You need to talk with your lover without resentment and trembling in your voice, emphasizing the positive aspects in the relationship. All this can become an incentive for their future resurrection. You also need to consider that often. Read here why this happens and how to behave.
And now the woman was left alone, what should be the algorithm of her actions? It all depends on the specific situation. If a man does not have a new girlfriend, it is better to behave as follows:
Psychologists emphasize that the departure of a man does not mean a final separation. But if he already has a mistress, it will be more difficult to return a partner. Here you need to act as follows:
If the lover then returns, then leaves, and this has been going on for many months, you should state your position. A woman should emphasize that such a guest marriage does not suit her. She can find a suitor for herself, saying that she can live without a spouse.
Psychologists confirm that the constant departure and return of a husband is a sign of his indecision, unwillingness to divorce.
The spouse is not ready for parting even in case of slowness in submitting documents to the registry office. If a man is in no hurry to write a divorce application, you should not rush him. A girl can send romantic SMS to her husband, occasionally cross paths with him - do everything so that the thought of parting seems stupid to him.
Many psychologists advise the lady to carefully consider the need for the return of her lover. What factors can influence this?
Not all unions deserve to fight for them to the end. But if a woman loves her husband immensely and cannot live without him, such a struggle makes sense.
Do you want to know all the ways to quickly get your loved one back after a breakup? We recommend reading free book Alexey Chernozem "How to return a loved one". You will receive a step-by-step plan on how to make him want to come back again.
The book is free. To download, go to this page, leave your e-mail and an email will be sent to the mail with a link to the pdf-file.
To return a lover, you need to act as follows:
A man needs to feel connected to ex-wife understand that they will always have a shared past. Thanks to this, it will be possible to maintain relations and achieve rapprochement between quarreling partners. If the spouse went to his mistress, use ours. It highlights the reasons why this can happen, the role of children, magical rituals, what not to do.
You will find a lot of useful information here, where it is described in detail. We answered the questions: what conspiracies will help solve the problem, what should be the behavior of a woman, what to do if there are children.
Listen to the main mistakes women make when trying to win back their husbands:
Sometimes a woman goes into all serious trouble after a divorce, trying to survive the breakup in this way. Psychologists advise not to rush into the arms of other men, not to look for casual relationships. Now is the perfect time to take care of yourself. It is worth changing your hairstyle, updating your wardrobe, going on vacation. this article will help. Here it is written about 7 steps that need to be taken, how to let him go and not suffer if you live together, how to understand that feelings have passed.
The best medicine after breaking up is a new relationship with another man who will make you truly happy. We advise you to look new free video course Alexey Chernozem "12 laws of seduction for women". From the course you will learn how to attract his attention, push him to get acquainted, interest and captivate.
To watch, click here on this link, leave your e-mail and an email with a link to the video will be sent to the mail.
A woman must learn to love herself, stop blaming herself for divorce. Gradually, from such love, she will blossom, bathing in the attention of the opposite sex. If difficulties arise, we have prepared other tips on how to. We told how to behave, how to survive a blow, especially if there is a child.
How to behave after a breakup, see this video:
Divorce is far from the worst thing that can happen to a woman. Surviving a breakup with dignity is not easy, but by ceasing to blame herself for what happened, the lady will find not only the minuses in parting, but also the advantages. And maybe you don’t want to return your ex-spouse at all.
Today you are sure that you are doing everything right. I am convinced that people like you do not leave. You have no doubt that he is yours forever, the only one in the world who is able to listen, understand, sympathize, reassure, support, protect. It's today, and tomorrow... he can leave.
Marriage is a long voyage in a cramped cabin. And it's natural that nerves sometimes fail.
Maybe the reason was a banal trifle - finding out who the real Winner of Eurovision 2011 is, or discussing the family budget, but now - the man left. Just don't panic! Could it be that you no longer need it? Maybe you are just not yet able to understand that his departure is yours. Take a breath, think while there is time. But, if there is still something to fight for, then remember that, most likely, you will have a chance to fix everything. Because husbands most often come back.
After his departure, you "tear your hair" and are tormented by questions:
Why did he leave? It is possible and necessary to analyze your life with him, look for the reasons in yourself, in him, in your own ... Such an analysis will not hurt. Sooner or later, life makes everyone look back at the past years, experience the bitter feeling of parting with youth, with love. There is a need to rethink your priorities.
Comment on the article "Husband left. Will he return or not?"
“You won’t enter the same river twice” ... I have a situation, but I want my husband to take into account only with my daughter. All that happened in the past, I can’t be just his wife, I want everything to be honest. Just in the future I can make another man's happiness...
If it doesn’t work out, then let me exhaust happiness in this world, it’s all the same that it’s useless to renew it ... this is not the right person, not mine ...
To live on an animal habit, to have sex without respect, and pity, in principle, I could, but I don’t want to lie to myself.
or return or not: 50% to 50%.
02/19/2011 20:18:00, sympathizerTotal 8 messages .
I'm fine. That is, against the background of how it happens with others, it’s good, but in general it’s bad. Every day someone gets divorced, I'm not original. And the man who initiated the breakup is not God knows what a rarity. And children, even small and very, very cute, cease to interest their fathers - and this is not news, it happens. And when compared with what could be - everything is fine. I have my own apartment, I don’t have to go anywhere and re-create life. In September, I will go to work, where they are waiting for me ...
Do you know cases when a husband, having left the family for Great love, after some time he returned back, begged for forgiveness, swore eternal love, etc., that they still owe there. The main thing is not whether he will return or not. And so that the abandoned wife does not live to wait.
The husband begged to return, promised to change. These attempts - to change - lasted about six months. Then it all started again. Only they were from the groom, these children. My husband left for a woman with 2 children different men who bore him 3 sons.
Last night, after the children returned from the camp, the festive dinner and the departure of the soup, the children said that dad suggested that they go to the cinema on the weekend "four of them, along with his new aunt, because he loves her very much, soon they will live together, and he wants to introduce them to each other" O_O The children refused with the words "the four of us want to go only with you and mom", the soup did not insist ... The children "want to see dad, not dad in company with another aunt", as they told me explained your answer... I...
Good day to all! Teach the mind to reason. I am married (by status), my son is 4 years old. The husband is constantly on business trips, he practically never happens at home, and on top of everything else, he has a "she". She appeared a long time ago, almost three years ago, when my relationship with my husband was on the verge of a divorce. But then he allegedly changed his mind, decided that the family was more important and we began to live together again. Then I did not yet know about her presence, I guessed, but I constantly drove thoughts away from me. And then by chance, while cleaning, I found ... Section: Wife and husband (husband said that he had lost feelings for me and went to another). Return to yourself, start any, seriously, even the most stupid hobby (from shaping to cross-stitching), this will help you forget about what is bad for a while, but only necessarily ...
The husband left. Will he return or not? I want to return ex-husband, help! IMHO, after parting it is impossible to return the former, you can only start over, repeat (slightly with others). In this case, you don’t need to try to return what is no longer there.
How is your self-respect related to a formal divorce? Don't you have something to respect yourself for? I think there is a reason. Your husband, apparently, is a good person, since he helps you even after leaving the family. Anything happens in life, but the fact that he did not give up in difficult times is worth a lot. At the same time, he does not say that he does not love, but explains his departure by the fact that you did not love and did not appreciate. Maybe this is the reason for his refusal to divorce officially? But still, why is the fact of divorce so important to you? Do you want to show your independence that you can live without him? But look at the reality, will you survive caring for a sick mother? It reminds me of the well-known situation “to spite the conductor, I’ll go on foot.” Do not refuse help, it will not make it easier for anyone, and you will have additional problems. Hope, do not rush to make a final decision.
Attention
After all, timely noticed shortcomings in relationships and their correct adjustment are the key to successful relationships in the future. But apparently, this is not given to everyone. It often seems that breaking off a relationship is easier than taking steps to normalize it.
Usually both spouses are to blame for a divorce, some share of the blame lies with each. And women identify the following reasons for divorce:
He even stated that he was considering options for where to move out and talking about a divorce, a bag with things and documents had already been collected, he began to sleep separately from his wife on the couch, but ... still did not move out. At this point, most wives, both very upset by her husband's announcement of leaving, and very determined to see her husband off, make a fatal mistake.
Important
They begin to tease the husband: “Like, said“ A ”- be kind enough to say“ B ”and move out of the apartment. How long will I wait for you? Especially - if this is the apartment of the wife, her parents, or acquired with her great financial participation. What happens after that is understandable and quite logical.
When you calm down, talk calmly with your spouse, try to find out the reason for his decision, try to find a solution that will satisfy both of you. In What to Do When a Family Collapses, I go into detail about the options for both parties.
If you can’t save the marriage, then in any case you should never forget about human normal relations with each other. There is no need to remain enemies and unleash a war. Especially if you have a child.
In the article "How to Survive a Child's Parents' Divorce" you can find a lot of useful information about what a child is going through and how not to make things worse. Some parents try to turn their children against each other, which is the worst case scenario.
Children should not be involved in your showdown at all, remember this once and for all. It's hard enough for them without your intervention.
Women in the role of divorce victim begin to behave as if they were in a state of mild conflict with their husband. It seems to them that it is worth doing something or saying something and the husband will immediately return.
They often do not understand the seriousness of the situation and pay little attention to the divorce situation itself. The position of women in this situation is rather contradictory.
She is constantly looking for motives for what is happening, reveals the guilty person. This at different times can be a husband, his new woman or herself.
Info
Emotions often prevent you from making the right decisions. What to do? In this case, you need to calm down, weigh everything and work out a line of conduct. Behind the violent manifestation of emotions in a divorce situation, men and women do not forget to think about the reasons for divorce.
In it you will find answers to many questions that arise at the time of divorce. There can be a lot of reasons for a divorce: I found out about your betrayal, your mistress insisted, boredom and everyday life, betrayal, incompatibility of characters, too different interests, and so on.
Understanding the cause of your frustration is very important. First, you can always solve the problem. I am sure that any relationship can be saved with the desire of both.
Secondly, it will help you not to repeat your mistakes in the future. Therefore, I ask you to take seriously the issue of the causes of discord in relations. If a man wants to leave the family, then often another woman is already behind him. It is difficult for a strong sex to go nowhere. It is much easier to do this when there is already another young lady in mind. She helps in many ways, tells how to behave, what to do.
You can not swear with the opposite side and with witnesses, even if the relationship is already damaged. Partners go to court to help resolve disputes, and not to litigate among themselves. On the part of the wife, it is necessary to understand the inevitability of the process, even though she is offended. The dissolution of the marriage has already begun, and the correct behavior of all participants in the court will favorably influence the outcome of the process. It is necessary to develop a clear line of conduct, to behave confidently. This will have a positive effect on the judges. Each spouse has the right to come with a lawyer, if necessary. It will help in many ways and stop you from making the wrong decisions in time. Only consult with lawyers should be careful not to be heard. People from snippets of spoken phrases can draw incorrect conclusions that will not benefit the process.
Whether business, the young and harmonous girl. · Sometimes a man decides to divorce because his wife cannot bear him the child he longs for, dreaming of procreation. For some men, it is very important to have their own, not an adopted child. · And of course, a man can leave if the character of his wife leaves much to be desired. No one wants to come home from work to see an evil vixen.
Therefore, if you constantly have a desire to nag your spouse, remember that he can leave you, even if he is over 60. My wife filed for divorce, and I do not want to divorce “My wife caught me with a woman.
And the very next day she filed for divorce ... But I don’t want to divorce her, I love her, and intimacy with the other turned out by accident ... What should I do, because I’m ready for anything, if only she stays with me ?! Eduard Vasilchikov.
The conduct of parents in court, if children are present, must be doubly considered. Children are already very worried that their parents will not be together. Therefore, it is necessary to behave calmly, not to blame each other. Opposing one parent to another can cause a negative attitude towards both of them, and subsequently even hatred.
If the husband filed for divorce, then he has good reasons. Men have a developed sense of responsibility, especially towards children.
You need to do something, try to find out the reasons and talk to your husband calmly, maybe everything will work out. If not, behave with dignity in this situation and simply “survive” it. After some time, everything will definitely work out, this is not the end of life.
Hello! I am 43 years old. At the time of the meeting with my future husband, I was 35 years old, I was not married, I have no children, I live separately in my apartment, I have a constant income, I work in a financial structure, he is also 35 years old, we are the same age, he has behind a marriage of 9 years and two children, no permanent job, sometimes worked 2-3 months a year. I started dating my man in 2004. They immediately began to live with me, in the same year we applied to the registry office, but literally 2 weeks before registration, after a small quarrel, he collected all his things and went to his mother. Then, 2 months later, he started calling me again, we reconciled and began to live together again, he again brought things. In 2005, we signed, lived for 1.5 years, in 2007, after some dispute, he again packed his things and left, then he was the first to come with an application for divorce, divorced quickly, because. no kids, nothing to share. From time to time he called me and stopped by, of course I was offended and angry with him, but in 2008 he became frequent and again we got together. While I am silent, everything is fine, just as soon as I object to him, he says that I am cursing and again goes to my mother. For 8 years, he left and came back probably 8 times, but I take him back, because he does not allow building new relationships, even if he is with his mother, he constantly calls me (especially if he drinks a little!) Probably gaining courage, and I, too, will calm down a bit, I miss him, he became like a native to me, then I think, come on, there’s no queue for me, age is already, let it come, it comes, then it transports things again, and then again again! some kind of clue, and again with things to mom, it’s already ridiculous. When he lives with me, he doesn’t work, he’s always on the lookout, they don’t pay there, they “dig” there, there’s something else, but I don’t like it either, it would be better if he worked, otherwise he sits at home and reproaches me for that he cooked dinner for me and for himself, that I made him a cook, I tell him, you go to work, and I’ll cook dinner myself, that’s all, again a reason to go to my mother. Once again, he first went to live with his parents for a while to help his elderly parents, but then while I was at work, he silently took my things without warning and that's it, I'm alone again. It’s a shame, because we didn’t swear, and he left so silently, you could at least call and say. Everyone accuses me of being weak-willed and once again taking it. Please tell me why he does this, why does he always leave? We can't do it together and we can't do it apart. For reference, he has a mother and father, both 73 years old and a brother (45 years old, divorced, lives with his parents, abuses alcohol), live in a comfortable apartment. Thank you in advance! I'm waiting for your help, I myself can not figure it out and find the answer.
