In 2008, the United States published the results of a study of the sexual life of people from 57 to 85 years old, which produced the effect of an exploding bomb. Among 57-64-year-olds, 73% continued to have sex, among 65-74-year-olds this figure is 53%, and among 75-85-year-olds - 26%. Nobody expected this, and newspapers in the West at that time were full of headlines like "Old people do it more often than you think."
In age sex, there were clear differences between "boys" and "girls". Older men were more active than their peers and retained their interest in sex longer. Studies have shown that sexual desire (libido) and the desire to have sex persisted in them until very advanced years. From a medical point of view, this is just wonderful. After all, sex is useful at any age - it is a great physical workout for the body and a positive emotional shake-up for the soul. Sexual function is closely related to the state of health, and it is even considered an indicator of the aging of the body: for those who have not lost their health by old age, everything is usually good in sex. It is clear that the older you are, the more often sex requires the help of pills, which are sold today in a great variety. But there is nothing wrong or shameful in this. Another thing is bad - when men give in at the very first difficulties with erection. But this suggests that problems with blood vessels begin. First, in the intimate area, where they are the thinnest, then in the heart, and this is fraught with angina pectoris and heart attack, and in the brain, it threatens with a stroke. So this is the first bell to start taking care of health. And then a long and happy sex life lies ahead.
In the fair sex, the situation with sex is more complicated, and first of all it is associated with menopause. Studies have shown that due to menopause, libido disappears in 43% of women - the desire to have sex simply disappears, 34% have no orgasm (this is also serious - if there is no pleasure, why do you need sex?), 39% have sex that is problematic and sometimes even painful due to vaginal dryness (this is also a typical consequence of menopause).
Since menopause is quite tightly tied to age, these problems begin to arise when approaching the 50-year milestone, and for some even earlier. And with the general state of health, as in men, this is often not connected. It's just that sex is largely tied to sex hormones. And their restructuring in climax leads to such results. But, like men, it's fixable. Today there are many drugs. For women, even more than for the stronger sex. And it's not just hormone replacement therapy. There are drugs that can solve these problems safely. As long as there is sex, there is no old age.
It is impossible to theoretically describe a feeling, so they talk about it in poems and novels. No matter how much psychologists have tried to study the power of love, they have not been able to do it to the end. Often people talk about late love. What it is? Why does she appear and how strong are the feelings?
It is important to understand that late love does not have a specific age, it does not only apply to people who are already over 50 years old. A person can experience a strong feeling for the first time after 30 years, and before that he did not even suspect about it. Many laugh: "What is already in adulthood Maybe love is only for young people? You are mistaken, it is not in vain that they say: "Love for all ages". On the contrary, people at a conscious age can love brightly and strongly, and at the same time they become noticeably younger.
Often at the age of 40 or 50, a single woman or man experiences a new stage of life when their student child leaves to study, and then gets married, works. The period is very difficult, because you have to live anew. Until recently, the house was full of children's screams, fun, but the years rushed by, the child became an adult, left his native nest, and you remained on your own. It is during this period that many women and men meet each other.
In adulthood, it is the strongest stress. Although, on the other hand, some do not decide on a new relationship, they think that there can no longer be love.
There are situations when, after the children grow up, the spouses become completely strangers. Why? This is easy to explain - there were no strong feelings, and the marriage was built on common interests - raising children. Here it is quite difficult, because both are suffering, they begin to quarrel, conflict, poison each other's lives, but they do not get divorced, believing that they have lived too much together.
It is also hard for those who are used to being alone all their lives - divorced, widowed. It would seem that there is no need to solve any problems with divorce, why not start new ones? Everything is very difficult here! A person feels so unnecessary that he does not believe in feelings. Or they just don't want to commit themselves to a relationship. There is a group of people who remain faithful to their former partner all their lives: "There will never be another like him!"
It is much easier for those who are not traumatized by marriage, do not idealize their past relationships, and are ready to start living anew. But here a feeling of love does not always appear, it can just be a “convenient and comfortable” union. Someone is afraid of loneliness, people who have a hedonistic orientation just want someone to take care of them. Pairs are often created. For example, a man with autophobia and a hedonist woman.
There are, of course, exceptions, when people after 30 years of age fall in love with each other so much that they could not even imagine how they used to live. Here the feeling is not only emotional, as at 18, but real. Over the years, a baggage of wisdom has been accumulated, a person acquires communication skills and will by all means maintain relationships, and not destroy them.
The most difficult period in life is late maturity. When a person begins to think about his life, at the same time analyzes everything that was, sums up. Some, in order to get rid of unpleasant feelings, choose young partners for their occupation. It happens that people with a difference in age fall in love with each other and love gives a chance for new life. Therefore, late feelings are real gold, which eliminates the negative, improves the quality of life and health. A person becomes younger not only physically, but spiritually.
A mature person will make every effort not to lose his other half, which is truly dear to him. It is important to understand here that not only sex connects people, but common interests, feelings, business, hobbies. It's great when people start to relax together, travel, not think about problems, and if they arise, they calmly solve them together.
People who know life try to work on feeling every day, take care of it, take care and care for it like a flower.
We note that a woman at any age needs love, even if she is far from 20. In the subconscious of the beautiful half, there is a feeling - to be desired, always loved. It often happens that a woman devotes her whole life to children, while she does not experience emotions in marriage. And then, when the children grow up, the woman has a chance for a new, beautiful, fabulous life.
Of course, there will be controversy:
Psychologists are sure late love is deep. Two people make an effort to avoid mistakes previous relationships to find mutual understanding. Especially interesting for two creative, talented people. They begin to discover something new in the character of everyone, enjoy every moment, appreciate the moments that they spend together.
It is quite difficult to judge high feelings. No one knows what awaits him tomorrow. A person can live calmly, measuredly, but suddenly someone bursts into life who radically changes everything. And age doesn't matter here! On the contrary, the later everything happens, the more real, stronger and more deliberate it is. In youth, everyone falls in love, because hormones are raging, you want to “turn mountains”. And in adulthood, love is built on respect, trust, understanding, and other moral values.
Late love - is it a test of age or a real gift of fate? Everyone will have their own opinion. He will be able to answer only when he really meets a person who will completely turn his whole life upside down and give wonderful, unearthly feelings. If you are lucky, and bright feelings arose in your soul, do not lose them. Do your best to keep love alive - it's a gift that, unfortunately, many people don't experience.
1.4 Interpersonal relationships in adulthood
Freud believed that the well-being of a person in adulthood is determined by his ability to love and work. Most psychologists use different terms in their definitions, but the meaning of the latter remains unchanged.
E. Erickson laid the foundations for modern research in adult psychology. The central psychological moment in early maturity (25 - 35) years is the establishment of intimacy, close personal ties with another person.
If a person has failed in intimate communication, then he may develop a sense of isolation, a feeling that he can rely on no one in the world but himself.
Erickson uses the term "intimacy" as being multi-faceted in meaning and scope. First of all, he refers to intimacy as the intimate feeling we have for spouses, friends, siblings, or other relatives. However, he also speaks of intimacy itself, that is, the ability to “merge your identity with the identity of another person without fear that you lose something in yourself” (20).
The development of an adult can be described in terms of three distinct systems that relate to different aspects of the self. These include the development of the personal self, the self as a family member (adult, child, spouse or parent), and the self as a worker.
These systems undergo changes both under the influence of various events and circumstances, and in interaction with the wider social environment and culture.
Development is a dynamic, bidirectional process that includes as interacting elements the individual's immediate environment, the social environment, and the values, laws, and traditions of the culture in which the individual lives.
All of these interactions—and the personal changes that result from them—continue throughout life.
Conclusions: 1. Erickson believed that the development of intimacy is the most important achievement of early adulthood.
2. Failure to establish calm and trusting personal relationships leads to feelings of loneliness, social vacuum and isolation.
3. In order to be in a truly intimate relationship with another person, it is necessary that by this time the individual had a certain consciousness of what he is.
4. Intimacy is an integral part of a stable, fulfilling emotional connection and is the foundation of love.
1.5 Love
The sexual attraction of a person as a biological being is determined by the instinct of procreation and the natural mechanism of sexual selection.
Modern research shows that nature has laid in man an attraction to a very specific type of individuals of the opposite sex. And this predetermination operates at the gene level. In other words, a person chooses a genetically suitable partner, or scientifically - genetically complementary.
Modern research allows us to hypothesize that the first stage of love is facilitated by the appearance in the body of special molecules, which are called PEA. The impact of this substance changes the mood and attitude of a person, contributes to the idealization of the object of a love relationship. Under the conditions of action of PEA, the smell of a loved one, the sound of his voice, and touch are enough to make a person feel the strongest excitement, experience pleasure. At the same time, communication with a loved one contributes to the production of this substance in the body. Therefore, when lovers for a long time do not have the opportunity to see each other, talk to each other, the amount of PEA in the body decreases, and this leads to negative experiences, a feeling of deep loss. This is why lovers, like drug addicts, crave the conditions conducive to the production of PEA, and this is also the condition of a love relationship. Here, too, nature has laid down a universal mechanism - something that the cell reacts to, enters into its metabolism.
However, as the researchers note, the body adapts to the action of PEA. And in order to keep love feelings, stronger doses of PEA are required each time. This can be achieved by improving the technique of relations. But eventually there is a limit. PEA expires after two to four years. This is a critical period in a love relationship. Romantic love does not last long, but this period is enough for people in love to give birth to a child. The action of PEA is enough for the child to survive the most difficult and difficult period of his development. It is interesting to note that, according to statistics, a three- to four-year period life together ends with the first wave of divorces.
PEA is replaced by other hormones - serotonin and endorphin. Their action is much milder than PEA, but just as favorable for love relationships. Endorphin softens the perception of negative situations, contributes to the formation of stable positive emotional states, reduces pain, has a beneficial effect on the immune system, and promotes sexual relations. Unfortunately, like PEA, endorphin breaks down in a relatively short amount of time. And for a new positive excitement, the brain requires new doses of endorphins, which are produced in the process of spiritual and physical relationships between lovers. The need for serotonin and endophrine is a natural stimulus for renewed love relationships.
Thus, nature has laid a predisposition in the attraction of a man to a woman, which often manifests itself in an irresistible passion. It can be argued with a certain measure of confidence that lovers are created for each other by nature.
In the development of love of one person for another, a certain periodization is observed. This process has become the subject of analysis by poets and writers. A curious description of love and its development, gives Stendhal. He distinguishes four kinds of love: love-passion, love-attraction, physical love, love-vanity and represents the genesis of love as follows: admiration; pleasure; hope; birth; first crystallization; doubt; second crystallization.
The first stage - admiration for a person of the opposite sex is difficult to describe accurately. “Love is like a fever, it is born and withers away without the slightest participation of the will” (16, p. 21). It can only be noted that the state of admiration depends on the general state in which the person is, on his previous experience and on the behavior of the object of admiration. Love is born when a person begins to imagine the possible pleasures that he could receive from the object of admiration. Already at this stage, the idealization of the object of admiration is outlined and, perhaps, the formation of the hope that the object of admiration will reciprocate. The combination of admiration with the idea of possible pleasure and a possible reciprocal feeling gives rise to love.
The idea of possible pleasure turns into pleasure when a person sees, touches, feels with all the senses and as close as possible the being that he loves and that loves him (16, p. 14). In this state, active idealization of the object of love begins (primary crystallization). The object of love is endowed with various virtues.
If at this stage intimacy sets in, the process of idealizing a partner may stop or stop for a while, but new joys of love and new qualities appear in a loved one. If the object of admiration does not reciprocate, then a period of doubt sets in. A person may make an attempt to give up the object of admiration, but in doing so may find that other joys of life have disappeared. There comes a period of second idealization, combined with the desire to convince oneself, to prove that the object of admiration reciprocates. Each woman differs not only in external beauty, the beauty of the body, but also in character traits. This is the answer to the question: “Why does a man choose not the most beautiful?” He chooses according to his character, he is looking for her soul in a woman.
Comprehending in love the beauty of not only the body, but also the soul, a person becomes spiritual. In love, each gives himself to another and through this is revealed in all his might, in all his spiritual strength. In love, a person expresses his moral content. The moral law demands that oneself be forgotten in the other. Love gives itself to another. Love is the most intimate point of connection between nature and reason (21).
In the sacrifice of love, the source of the birth of tenderness, feelings and relationships. Love is nature and reason in their original union, i.e. natural attraction and reason, attraction and morality. It can be said that only where there is a disposition towards morality, natural attraction manifests itself in the form of love.
Love transforms not only the image of the beloved, but also the lover himself. Here we again recall Plato, who wrote that everyone whom Eros touches becomes braver, fairer, more skillful.
Conclusions: 1. Love develops on the basis of biological prerequisites, rising to spiritual heights, when it spiritualizes a person's behavior, changes him, enhances his abilities, promotes creative achievements.
2. The development of love depends on the state and experience.
3. The development of love is accompanied by the active work of the mind and imagination.
4. Love contributes to the emergence of virtue, spiritualizes a person.
5. Love is "an expression of intimacy between two people, provided that the integrity of both is maintained."
2.1 Family cycle
Families have a predictable life cycle characterized by a series of important events or stages. The first event in this cycle is the formation of the parental family. Separation from the family of parents can occur at the time of marriage or earlier if a person has made a choice in favor of independence - he decided to live alone or with some group of people. The second important event is, as a rule, marriage, with all the adaptation nuances that accompany it: establishing relationships with a new person and new relatives.
The most typical third event is the birth of the first child and the beginning of the period of parenthood. This event is sometimes referred to as the formation of one's own family, or the transition to parenthood. There are other important events in the life cycle of a family: the first child enters school, the last child is born, the last child leaves the family, and the death of a spouse. In an extended family that also includes close relatives, several of these cycles can interact, ensuring the repetition of the event and thereby reducing the adaptive difficulties of each of the family members.
Over the past 50–100 years, family cycles have changed both in the temporal structure of their events and in their nature. Not only are people living longer than ever before, but the age at which they reach different degrees of the family cycle has changed, and the average time between the onset of various events in family life. Thus, the period of time between the departure of the last child from home and the retirement of the parents or their death is increasing, and the duration of this post-parental period is steadily continuing.
Research Hypothesis In the course of practical work, an analysis was made of the psychological state of men and women during a midlife crisis. The purpose of the work was to show that the characteristics of their psychological state correspond to the crisis situation characteristic of this age and to identify the gender characteristics of the course of the crisis. Tasks of the work: Based on 4 crisis criteria according to Shihi ...
This problem from all sides: emotional, career, male, female, pharmaceutical, psychoanalytic, physiological, philosophical. The answers of my "foreign friends" began with the words: "My midlife crisis came and consisted of this." That is, it certainly came and necessarily concluded, but how could it be otherwise! Czech Republic. Spa Luhacovice. Art therapy workshop "Theory and...
They called it "acme", which meant the peak, the highest degree of something, the moment of the greatest flowering of the human personality. Chapter II. A study of the dependence of changes in cognitive abilities in middle age on the specifics of professional activity We conducted a study of 15 middle-aged people, the purpose of which was to study the dependence of the level of cognitive abilities in...
He can justify it in different ways. For example, he may reproach himself for insufficiently good care or little attention to the deceased parent, etc. It becomes possible for a serious psychosomatic illness to occur. 5. Age-related crises of adulthood crisis of thirty years In the middle of the period of early adulthood (about thirty years old), a person experiences a crisis state, a kind of turning point in ...
Feelings have no boundaries - neither age nor social status can stop love. So why is it so often possible to hear about young hearts inflamed with unearthly passion for each other, but it is not customary to talk about love in adulthood? Let, it is very different from what a person experiences in distant youth, but this does not negate all its charms.
While the children live nearby, the woman does not feel lonely. When they enter adulthood and become independent, she is left alone with her thoughts, fears, desires. But the forgotten freedom returns to it, with which something must be done. You can, of course, devote yourself to your grandchildren, and then to your great-grandchildren, but what if you want to find a mate before it's too late?
The circle of potential partners at this age is small- this is the main disadvantage. All peers are most likely either married or not of any interest. There are two exits. Or agree to a relationship with a man who is older, and this essentially turns out to become a nurse near the bed of an elderly husband. The second option is to expand the circle of acquaintances. Here, all means are good: dating sites, word of mouth, an active social life. If you still want to enjoy love, do not neglect any chance to meet it anywhere.
The second disadvantage is it is difficult to come to terms with the fact that there will never be that intensity of passions that was in youth. Passion in youth replaces love, but how it burns the eyes, how the head spins. All the disadvantages of a partner are simply not noticed: hormones allow you to close your eyes to a lot. In maturity, the look is too critical and will not allow you to plunge into the novel with ease and recklessness.
The most important plus of love in adulthood is wisdom. Disappointments are unlikely, because, despite the fact that all the shortcomings are visible to the naked eye, you are able to accept your loved one with all the problems, because over the years comes tolerance for a lot and the ability to forgive.
Well, the most important advantage: life can still be started again, taking into account all their mistakes. If you take care of your health, the period of activity will last for a very long time, which means that together with your new spouse you will discover a lot of things that you did not know about before. New acquaintances, pleasant communication, dates - you can’t give up on yourself or devote yourself to serving something, it’s time to remember yourself.
