DatsoPic 2.0 2009 by Andrey Datso
Violations of the laws of married life by parents have a negative impact on offspring. Particularly sad is the fate of the children of those parents who were engaged in fornication and adultery. The Old Testament says that retribution for parental sins extends to the fourth generation. (Num.14.18; Ex. 34.7).
Children born to great sinners
The Holy Scriptures describe the sad fate of the children of people living in sin. "Children of sinners are disgusting children and associate with the wicked." In these words, there is a similarity with modern realities - adults complain that their children have become "street", lead bad companies. Such children will be disgraced by their parents. Words of reproach will be expressed by the children against the ungodly father, because because of him the children suffer disgrace. The Scriptures say that wicked people who forsake God will experience the spread of their misfortune to children. “Everything that is from the earth will return to the earth: so the wicked from damnation to destruction. People weep over their bodies, but sinners and an unkind name will be blotted out” (Sir. 41:8-14).
The authenticity of the words of Scripture is confirmed even today. One of the manifestations of sinful life in our days is drug addiction, because the causes of its appearance and methods of cure are laid in the spiritual life.
According to the statistics kept by narcologists, a regularity has been revealed. Most often, those children whose parents were sinful become drug addicts - abortions, participation in anti-Christian actions, prone to fornication, instilled atheistic views in children, opposed childbearing, engaged in theft, abused alcohol and did not show love towards their children.
Particularly serious sins
The most serious sin, reflected on the children of sinful parents, is fornication and adultery. The words recorded in the Bible sound like a sentence: “The children of adulterers will be imperfect, and the seed of the lawless bed will perish. Even if they are long-lived, they will be revered as nothing, and their late old age will be without honor. And if they die soon, they will not have hope and consolation on the day of judgment; for the end of an unrighteous generation is terrible” (Wisdom 3:16-19). Even Solomon explained the reasons for this. Children born into illegitimate relationships are living evidence of their own parents' depravity. (Prem. 4. 6). Also in Proverbs it is said that the house of a woman living in fornication “leads to death” and the one who entered her house no longer “enters the path of life” (Prov. 2: 18-19). The third in severity is the sin of life in fornication, in terms of the power of its sinfulness second only to homicide and renunciation of Christ.
Whoever commits fornication commits a fall. According to the Holy Fathers, one can return to the path of a true Christian in the same way that the sin occurred. If someone stole something that belonged to another, then with the same hands that the theft was carried out, their stolen wealth can be distributed to the poor.
And one who has sinned in fornication cannot return the same way. Only repentance, tears, groaning, fasting can help correct sin. And even thoughts of fornication are sinful in their essence.
Why is the sin of fornication so grave?
The Lord severely punishes fornication. The prophet Hosea spoke of the sinners of fornication being prevented from turning to God by their own transgressions. "The spirit of fornication is within them, and they did not know the Lord... They betrayed the Lord, because they gave birth to other people's children" (Hos. 5:7). Severe punishment awaits fornication fathers, and as for children born in fornication and raised by fornicators, the Lord says, “I will take them away, for woe to them when I depart from them!” (Hos. 9. 10-12).
In the words of murmuring why the merciless God will not forgive them, sinners, one hears only one's own exorbitant egoism, but love for God is not visible. Indeed, in essence, the question should be asked what the fornicators did so that God would not depart from them.
How fornication affects the children born in it.
Particularly sinful are people who "prevent marriage without good reason." (1 Tim. 4:3).
The multiplied fornication of recent years is striking in its scale. And, as a result, the number of children suffering from oligophrenia and simply mentally weak children has increased tremendously.
The holy fathers often observe a picture of a pattern, when cohabiting couples and single mothers who have “worked up” children out of wedlock have a very sad and difficult fate.
In order to protect your own offspring, you should draw the right conclusions so that God does not save "our misfortunes for our children." (Job 21:19).
After all, perhaps, everyone who cares about his soul desires the fulfillment of the words of Solomon: “The crown of the elderly is the sons of sons, and the glory of children is their parents” (Prov. 17:6).
Children in a civil marriage
Explain, please, the attitude of the church to the concept of a bastard (bastard). Is such a child born without a wedding, or at least a painting of the mother and father in the registry office is enough? I cannot independently prove to some modern women that civil marriage is a sin! And what does the Holy Scripture say about this?
The Church treats all children equally. The sin of children in that they were born out of wedlock does not exist. Therefore, we can only talk about the sins of the parents. Here, indeed, we can definitely say that extramarital cohabitation is a sin.
Sin not only separates a person from God, but destroys his life. In this case, of course, it also affects children who are the fruit of illegal cohabitation. Of course, a child, from his very conception, being in an atmosphere of sin and the illegality of the life in which he lives (both from the point of view of the law of God, and sometimes in relation to civil laws) can feel as if he is outside normal society. Deprived of a real family, he misses a lot in childhood and often feels his inferiority. IN modern world this, however, is not so noticeable, because the majority of children are brought up in broken and incomplete families. But in reality, children do not receive, perhaps, the main thing that is necessary in childhood: the experience of trust, warmth and love in the family. And it is especially bad for children, who at the same time feel the inferiority of their position. For example, dad has another family, which for some reason is real, he lives in it and brings up other children, and he only comes to visit me. Or one of the parents, or even both, the child does not have at all.
It must be said that the Church recognizes every legal marriage, both married and unmarried. It goes without saying that it would be strange for two believers to marry and not get married. This would indicate that in fact they are outside the church. In this sense, avoiding a wedding is a sin. When a person comes to faith and repents of his past life outside the Church, he can also repent of entering into marriage without a wedding, as a consequence of unbelief and denial of the Church. But it does not follow from this that his marriage suddenly became not real. It happens that one of the spouses comes to faith, while the other remains in unbelief, but this does not mean that the believing spouse should dissolve the marriage. Look at the first letter of the apostle Paul to the Corinthians, chapter seven, verses 12-16. This is what the Scripture says about it.
The idea of equating a legal, though unmarried marriage with fornication, comes not from Holy Scripture and the teachings of the Church, but from our monstrous pride and malice. One must strongly hate people, and consider oneself entitled to judge them, in order to declare the entire population of the country fornicators, and children as bastards. After all, the majority of marriages in Russia (even if we leave the rest of the world aside) have remained unmarried for more than eighty years.
Trying to argue about this with modern women, and trying to prove to them that they are all harlots, and their children are bastards, just looks like a bad joke. Christian preaching cannot, in general, consist in condemning and proving. It can only consist in the evidence of our good life (Mat. 5:16). By correcting your life exactly according to the commandments of God, you will rejoice the Angels of God in heaven (Luke 15:10), and bring great good not only to yourself, but also to those people who surround you. Perhaps even some modern women will soften their hearts when they see with their own eyes the family happiness that life brings in the commandments of God, blessed in the sacraments of the Church. Although I would advise you not to think especially much about modern women, because it does not bring any benefit to the soul.
Is there any burden of responsibility before the Lord of the children themselves in this life, in the afterlife, for the fact that the parents were not married. This worries me more. Children are not to blame that their parents did not bother to accept (consciously or not) the Christian way of life. Will such a child, even though he is a bastard, be treated the same way as one born in marriage, precisely from other forces - both light and dark, by the way, too? Otherwise, as grandmothers in churches say, parents are in sin, and children will suffer all their lives both There and here. Society now doesn’t care (unfortunately?), but what about the higher powers? It is clear that any person will be rewarded according to his deeds, but our whole life consists of nuances and omissions, which ultimately form the overall picture of both life and death.
You listen to the grandmothers in the temple, and the whole life can really seem like a confusion of nuances and omissions. However, what is from God brings simplicity and clarity to the soul. The Lord is not a source of evil, and does not punish anyone, and even more so children who are not to blame for the sins of their parents. The sins of parents can greatly complicate or even cripple the life of their children on earth, and in this sense it can be said that children suffer because of them. But the Lord does not judge children for the sins of their parents, and even vice versa - to whom less is given, the demand will be corresponding (Luke 12:48). I already wrote to you about this. You argue somewhat strangely: they say, I understand that the children are not to blame, and I pity them, but does the Lord understand this, and will he not punish them in vain? These fears are completely unfounded, for God has immeasurably more understanding and love than we humans have. He Himself is love (1 John 4:8). May the Lord help us all to believe in this love, and not to embarrass our hearts in any way.
The term "civil marriage" has become customary to refer to the now fashionable cohabitation of a man and a woman without registration. The name itself contains a big lie. But we'll talk about this a little later, but for now, for convenience, I will allow myself to use this common expression, of course, taking it beforehand in quotation marks.
This form of coexistence is very widespread. Newfangled psychologists recommend living in a "trial marriage", movie stars and other public people do not hesitate to talk about their free, "without a stamp" relationship on the pages of magazines. Why are people so attracted to life in such a "marriage"? The answer is very simple. All the attributes of a real marriage are there, but there is no responsibility. "Civil marriage" is sometimes called "trial": young people want to test their feelings and live as husband and wife "pretend", and then register. However, sometimes registration is not discussed at all. People living in a “civil marriage” often come to church, either for confession or to talk with a priest. Very many of them feel great discomfort from their dubious state, they want to know why the Church condemns “civil marriages” and they want to get an answer from the priest: what should they do next, how to live?
The fact that cohabitation without registration of marriage is a completely false, meaningless state, is not only confirmed by the Church on the road to nowhere. “Civil marriage” is false from three points of view at once, from three positions:
1) SPIRITUAL; 2) LEGAL and 3) PSYCHOLOGICAL.
I will start with a story about the legal and psychological problems of "civil marriage" in order to prepare the ground a bit and then move on to the most important, spiritual untruth of such a union, because my article is mainly addressed to people who are still outside the church fence.
Marriage or cohabitation?
"Civil marriage" is completely outside the legal field. In legal language, such a union is called cohabitation. Therefore, “civil marriage” is a completely false expression. A real civil marriage can only be called a marriage registered in the registry office. This institution exists in order to record the state of the citizens of the state: they were born, created a family, or have already died. Cohabitation is not subject to any laws on family and marriage, that is: on the rights and obligations of spouses, joint property and rights not inheritance. Civil courts are inundated with cases of renunciation of paternity of former "common-law husbands" who do not want to pay alimony. Proving that they really are the fathers of their children is very problematic and costly.
Lovers of "free relationships" sometimes say: why all these paintings, stamps and other formalities, because there was a time when there was no marriage at all. This is not true, marriage has always been in the human community. Promiscuity (allegedly promiscuous sexual cohabitation that existed among some archaic tribes) is nothing more than a historical myth, all serious researchers know this.
Forms of establishing a marriage union were different. In the Roman Empire, the newlyweds signed, in the presence of witnesses, a marriage document regulating the rights and obligations of the spouses. The first Christians, before receiving the blessing of the Church for their marital union, had to get engaged, exchange rings and legalize their marriage. Betrothal was an act of state. Other peoples (for example, the ancient Jews) also had marriage documents or marriage was concluded in the presence of witnesses, which in ancient times was sometimes stronger than papers. But, one way or another, the spouses did not just agree that they would live together, but testified about their decision before God, before the whole society and before each other. And now, when registering a marriage, we take the state as witnesses, it declares us husband and wife, that is, the closest relatives, and undertakes to protect the rights and obligations of spouses. Unfortunately, now, due to the fact that our state is secular, marriage registration is separated from the sacrament of the wedding, and before the wedding, the spouses must sign in the registry office. It is interesting that now in France, for a wedding before marriage is registered at the city hall, criminal liability is due.
In the Russian Empire, before the revolution, it was possible to get married only by getting married or performing another religious ceremony, according to the confession of the spouses. People of different faiths were not married. The wedding also had legal force. The church generally then kept records of acts of civil status, which are now recorded in the registry office. When a person was born, he was baptized and recorded in the register of births; when he got married, they issued a marriage certificate.
Children born out of wedlock were considered illegitimate. They could not bear the surname of their father, inherit class privileges and property of their parents. Signing without a wedding and getting married without a painting was simply impossible according to the law.
State registration of marriage is not at all an empty formality, if you love a person, then you are responsible for him.
For example, it is not enough just to give birth to a child, you need to take full responsibility for it. When a woman gives birth to a child, she then goes to the registry office and receives a birth certificate, she is entered into this document, she registers the child with her, registers him in the clinic. If she refuses to do this, she is deprived of parental rights - children must be protected. You can’t be “trial parents”, “trial spouses”, if you love, it’s not a problem to sign, if it’s a problem, then you don’t really love.
Some statistics and psychology
Supporters of “civil marriage” usually justify their condition in the following way: in order to get to know each other better and avoid many mistakes and problems already in marriage, you need to converge gradually. First live together, and then sign. It absolutely does not work, proven practice. Statistics say that families where spouses had experience of cohabitation before marriage break up 2 times (!) More often than marriages where spouses did not have such experience.
By the way, such figures are not only in our country. In the United States in Pittsburgh, specialists from Penn State University studied the family life of about one and a half thousand American couples. It turned out that couples who lived together before marriage were twice as likely to experience a divorce. Yes, and family life in these families is accompanied by b O Lots of fights and conflicts. Moreover, for the purity and accuracy of the study, data from different years were taken: the 60s, 80s and 90s of the XX century.
The results of studies conducted at the universities of Canada, Sweden, New Zealand also prove that premarital cohabitation does not serve to strengthen the family. So something is wrong; people are “trying”, “trying”, and the number of divorces and family problems is growing, they want best friend know a friend, but they cannot stay in marriage.
In our country, 2/3 of marriages break up. But when “civil marriages” were a very rare occurrence, there were no such monstrous divorce statistics.
The fact is that in a trial marriage, partners do not recognize each other, but they confuse everything even more. It is not for nothing that fornication has one root with the words: wander, err. Fornication leads people astray.
The premarital period is given so that the bride and groom go through the school of relationships, without an admixture of passion, a riot of hormones and permissiveness. All this makes it very difficult to objectively evaluate a person, to see in him not a sexual object, but a personality, a friend, a future spouse. The brain, feelings are clouded by the dope of passion. And when people create a family after a “trial marriage”, very often they understand: everything that connected them was not love, but a strong sexual attraction, which, as you know, passes very quickly. So it turns out that in one family there were completely strangers. The courtship period is given to the bride and groom precisely so that they learn abstinence, to better see each other not as sexual partners, not sharing a joint life, living space and bed, but from a completely different, clean, friendly, human, if you want romantic side.
In addition to the fact that "civil marriage" is a false and deceptive phenomenon, and is only an illusion of a family, but it also does not allow partners to build their relationships, people can live together for years, but never create anything real. Only a small percentage of "civil marriages" ends with registration.
Once a girl came to me for confession and admitted that she lives with a guy without a stamp. And she began to talk about free, informal relationships. I told her, "You're just not sure if you love him." She thought about it and answered: “Yes, you are right, I don’t fully know if I can live my life with him.” I have had many such cases; when it came to frankness, people usually hid their eyes and admitted that the obstacle to entering into a legal marriage for them was not the lack of their own housing or money for a wedding, but insecurity in a partner and in their own feelings for him.
But if you are not sure of your feelings, just be friends, communicate, but do not call it marriage, do not demand everything at once. The most important thing in this "marriage" is not - love and trust in each other.
If you love, then one hundred percent. You can not love half, especially a spouse. This is no longer love, but distrust, insecurity in love, it is she who underlies the "civil marriage".
"Civil marriage" is sometimes called barren. Firstly, because cohabitants, as a rule, are afraid to have children, they can’t figure out in their relationship why they need more problems, troubles and responsibilities. Secondly, "civil marriage" cannot give birth to anything new, it is fruitless spiritually and even spiritually. When people create a legal family, they take responsibility. When entering into marriage, a person decides to live with his spouse all his life, go through all the trials together, share both joy and sorrow in half. He no longer feels separate from his soul mate, and the spouses, willy-nilly, must come to unity, learn to bear each other's burdens, build their relationships, interact and, most importantly, learn to love each other. Like a person has parents, brothers, sisters, he wants to be with them - he doesn’t want to, he must learn to get along, find mutual language otherwise life in the family will become unbearable
The well-known psychologist A.V. Kurpatov once called “civil marriage” a ticket with an open date. “Partners always know that they have a ticket, so if something goes wrong, at any moment, waved, and be healthy, stay happy. With this approach, there is no motive to invest in relationships in full - it's the same as renovating a rented apartment.
In assessing “civil marriage”, another Russian psychotherapist, Nikolai Naritsyn, agrees with him: “cohabitation is by no means a marriage, a family, and even less a marriage - and not so much in law, but in essence! So, in such an "alliance", at least, it is naive to hope that your partner, when making any decisions (especially if they affect your mutually exclusive interests), will take into account your needs. And it is just as naive to make claims that this person behaved this way and not otherwise - in most cases, alas, he does not owe you anything, and is free to do as he (she) pleases!
That is why so few "civil marriages" end in registration. People initially do not perceive their union as something significant, serious and permanent, their relationship is shallow, freedom and independence are more expensive for them, even the years spent together do not add confidence to them, and their union - strength.
Family Orthodox psychologist I.A. Rakhimova, in order to show people who are in a “civil marriage” the falsity and meaninglessness of their condition, offers such couples a test: in order to believe your feelings, for some time (say for two months) stop bodily relationships. And if they agree to this, then usually there are two options: either they part, if they were connected only by passion; or get married - which also happens. Abstinence, patience allows you to take a fresh look at each other, to fall in love without an admixture of passion.
I usually give the same advice. I explain why cohabitation without marriage is a sin, and what consequences it has, and I suggest: if you do not have serious intentions to marry, it is better to leave, such a state will not lead to anything good. If young people want to legitimize their relationship, I advise them to stop intimate communication before marriage. After all, not everything is limited to this, you can be friends, communicate, show your tenderness and affection in some other way. That's when you really get to know each other better.
Is it possible to build happiness on sin?
Well, now about the most important problem of "civil marriage" - spiritual.
All bodily relations between a man and a woman outside of legal marriage are fornication. Accordingly, those living in a “civil marriage” are in a state of permanent fornication. Fornication or fornication is one of the eight human passions, and fornication is also a mortal sin, that is, a sin leading to the death of the soul.
Why so strict? What harm can this sin do to people? I think that every priest periodically has to answer one question (usually it is asked by young people): “Why are bodily, carnal relationships between a man and a woman outside of marriage considered a sin, because all this is done by mutual consent, no harm, damage is done to anyone, here is adultery - another thing is treason, the destruction of the family, but here, what's wrong?
First, let's remember what sin is. “Sin is lawlessness” (1 John 3:4). That is, violation of the laws of spiritual life. And the violation of both physical and spiritual laws always leads to trouble, to self-destruction. Nothing good can be built on sin, on error. If a serious engineering miscalculation was made during the foundation of the house, the house will not stand idle for a long time. Such a house was built somehow in our holiday village. It stood, stood, and fell apart a year later.
The Holy Scripture classifies fornication among the most serious sins: “Do not be deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor malakias (that is, those engaged in masturbation (St. Paul), nor homosexuals ... they will not inherit the Kingdom of God ”(1 Corinthians 6, 9) They will not inherit unless they repent and stop fornication.Why does the Church view the sin of fornication with such severity, and what is the danger of this sin?
It must be said that carnal, intimate intercourse between a man and a woman has never been forbidden by the Church, on the contrary, it has been blessed, but only in one case. If it was a marriage. And by the way, not necessarily married, but simply a prisoner under civil laws. The apostle Paul writes about marital bodily relations: “Husband show your wife due favor; like a wife to her husband. The wife has no power over her body, but the husband; likewise, the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deviate from each other, except by agreement, for a time, for exercise in fasting and prayer, and then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance” (1 Corinthians 7; 3-5).
The Lord blessed the marriage union, blessed the carnal communion in it, which serves to procreate. Husband and wife are no longer two, but “one flesh” (Gen. 2; 24). The presence of marriage is another (albeit not the most important) difference between us and animals. Animals don't get married. A female can copulate with any male, even with her own children when they grow up. People have marriage, mutual responsibility, obligations to each other and to children. It must be said that bodily relationships are a very powerful experience, and they serve even greater affection for spouses. “Your attraction to your husband” (Gen. 3; 16) is said about the wife, and this mutual attraction of the spouses also helps to strengthen their union.
But what is blessed in marriage is a sin, a violation of the commandment, if done outside of marriage. The marital union unites a man and a woman into “one flesh” (Eph. 5; 31) for mutual love, the birth and upbringing of children. But the Bible also tells us that in fornication people are also united into “one flesh”, but only in sin and lawlessness. For sinful pleasure and irresponsibility. They become accomplices in a moral crime.
Each lawless carnal relationship inflicts a deep wound on the soul and body of a person, and when he wants to marry, it will be very difficult for him to carry this burden and the memory of past sins. Fornication unites people, but in order to defile their bodies and souls.
Love between a man and a woman is possible only in marriage, where people give each other vows of fidelity and mutual responsibility before God and all people. Neither extramarital affairs, nor cohabitation with one partner in a “civil marriage” gives a person true happiness. Because marriage is not only bodily intimacy, but also spiritual unity, love and trust in a loved one. No matter how beautiful words the lovers of "civil marriage" hide behind - the basis of their relationship is one thing - mutual distrust, uncertainty in their feelings, fear of losing "freedom". The wandering people rob themselves, instead of walking the open, blessed path, they try to steal happiness from the back door.
It is no coincidence that marriages in which there was a period of cohabitation before marriage break up much more often than those where the spouses did not have such experience. Sin cannot lie in the foundation of a family building. After all, the bodily communication of the spouses is given to them as a reward for their patience and purity. Young people who do not keep themselves until marriage are lax, weak-willed people. If they did not deny themselves anything before marriage, then they will just as easily and freely go “to the left” already in marriage.
Sin is a spiritual disease, it inflicts wounds on the human soul. Sins are the cause of many of our misfortunes, sorrows, and even bodily illnesses. By sinning, a person violates the laws of spiritual life that exist objectively, like the laws of physics, and will certainly pay for his mistakes. In this case, allowing fornication before marriage, people will pay with sorrows and problems in family life. “Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap” (Gal. 6; 7), says the Holy Scripture. No wonder now, when for many connections before marriage have become the norm, we have so many divorces. In Russia, the vast majority of marriages break up, and 40% of children are brought up outside the family. Sin cannot create, it only destroys. When a serious sin lies at the foundation of the building of future family life, nothing good can be expected, which is why modern marriages are so fragile.
Is there a way out?
What should people do who have not preserved themselves in purity and chastity due to being cut off from faith and traditions? The Lord heals our wounds, if only a person sincerely repents, confesses his sins and corrects himself. A Christian is given a chance to change himself and his life, although this is not at all easy.
Having embarked on the path of correction, one cannot look back to the past, then the Lord will certainly help everyone who sincerely turns to Him.
And further; if your chosen one or chosen one has a negative premarital experience, in no case should you be interested in the sinful past of a person and reproach him for it.
God wants us to be happy, and happiness cannot be found in the path of vice. The fruits of general sexual laxity and a frivolous attitude towards marriage are already clearly visible: young people do not want to create families and give birth to children, in addition, 5 million abortions are performed a year. And the country's population, meanwhile, is rapidly declining. If we don’t stop and think, but continue to “live like everyone else”, then in thirty years there will simply be no Russia, there will be some completely different country, most likely with a Muslim population. After all, Muslims have everything in order with family values and fertility.
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The story of one family without sex before marriage ( Ilya Lyubimov and Ekaterina Vilkova)
An informal marriage (popularly referred to as a civil marriage) is a family relationship without a stamp in the passport, it is often also called a house without a roof.
But adherents of free relations in defense of civil marriage put forward many arguments:
- Even a skillfully carved seal cannot stand above human feelings.
- State registration does not affect the relationship in any way.
- Even those who are married in the church and registered in the registry office get divorced.
Mostly men are defending civil marriage. If women talk about this, then, of course, it is not without cunning. In the heart and thoughts of every woman, there is a desire to formalize, legitimize her relationship with her beloved man. The role of a concubine for them is consonant with the bitter overtones of “debauchery”, and the role of a wife is perceived in the subconscious as protected motherhood.
Explaining his love to a woman, a 35-year-old man at the same time warns her that he does not intend to formalize relations with her at the registry office. He does not intend to put a stamp in his passport, believing that state bureaucracy humiliates the feelings of people who love each other.
The girl blushes slightly, looks away and says uncertainly:
Yes, honey, you're right. How our relations will develop depends only on us.
But at that moment, a wave of sadness splashed into her soul and shook something inside. She was not so comfortable in the arms of her beloved. A chill of alienation ran between them.
The girl thought:
- Even declaring his love, my man thinks about how to maintain personal freedom in our relationship. If at 35 he is not ready to take responsibility for creating a family, he will never be a good husband for me, and a good father for our children.
She said aloud:
- And if we have a child, we will also not register his date of birth, name? Why do we need this paper? Are we going to know what his name is? Answer me honestly: without humiliating yourself with bureaucracy, will you continue to leave no traces of paternity on clerical documents?
There was a diffuse silence in response. The main reason for the reluctance to create a traditional family has been deciphered. Philosophizing further was useless.
The girl made a wise decision: she ended the relationship, realizing that for her selfish friend she is not a life value, but only a comfortable source of pleasure and comfort.
Unfortunately, few people do this today. Most women and girls are ready to stay in limbo for years in the hope of someday moving from the status of a lover-friend to the status of a wife and mother. But when the paternity instinct in a loved one matures, it is difficult to predict. The desire for freedom and family ties have always been poorly combined.
In a civil marriage, the nervous system and psyche of a woman are constantly excited. Too vague future, fear and anxiety before tomorrow oppress her.
And then there's the unexpected pregnancy. The future dad's eyes do not shine with delight. Most often, a man does not offer to register a relationship precisely for the reason that he does not take responsibility for the birth and upbringing of children. The prospect of having a child is undesirable for him, so he suggests an abortion. And the moment comes, voiced in the song: “Sweet berries were torn together. Bitter berries I am alone.
A woman who kills a child for a man, then, as a rule, never finds happiness in such a marriage, even if it is officially concluded. Because the time comes for the birth of a common child, and children born after an abortion are problematic. They bear the mark of this trauma.
Stressful hours when a pregnant woman rushes about in the agony of choosing whether to kill or pardon the one growing in her. new life, the baby in it remembers for the rest of his life. Unwanted children bear the stamp of fear of death from childhood. They most often do not know how to enjoy life and scare other people away from themselves with their insecurity and despondency.
If a woman, against the wishes of a partner, gives birth to a child, most often she raises him herself. The material and moral problems that she may experience are nothing compared to the problems-scars on the fate of her son or daughter.
Boys, growing up without fathers, turn into infantile people who are not adapted to life. They have a lot of feminine energies. Mother, trying to find a replacement for her beloved man, completely dissolves in them.
A girl who grew up in a family without a father forever acquires an inferiority complex. Mom, voluntarily or involuntarily, instills in her her (let's say softly) hostility towards a particular man and men in general. She, in the future, will not be easy in communicating with men.
It is from the father that the daughter needs to receive recognition of her importance as a woman, which occurs due to the high self-esteem of the girl. The father, who supports her in her actions and decisions, and also admires her abilities and appearance, lays the foundations thanks to which the girl will become a full-fledged woman in the future.
Girls suffer more from the absence of a father in adolescence. After all, the father's task is to encourage the daughter's independence, to help her become more responsible.
According to statistics, today every fifth child is born out of wedlock (registered), and this figure ten years ago was half as much. There is something to think about.
Zabozhko Lydia
Question: Explain, please, the attitude of the church to the concept of a bastard (bastard). Is such a child born without a wedding, or at least a painting of the mother and father in the registry office is enough?
Answer: It must be said that the Church recognizes every legal marriage, both married and unmarried.
The Church treats all children equally. The sin of children in that they were born out of wedlock does not exist. Therefore, we can only talk about the sins of the parents. Here, indeed, we can definitely say that extramarital cohabitation is a sin.
Sin not only separates a person from God, but destroys his life. In this case, of course, it also affects children who are the fruit of illegal cohabitation. Of course, a child, from his very conception, being in an atmosphere of sin and the illegality of the life in which he lives (both from the point of view of the law of God, and sometimes in relation to civil laws) can feel as if he is outside normal society. Deprived of a real family, he misses a lot in childhood and often feels his inferiority. True, this is not so noticeable in the modern world, because the majority of children are brought up in broken and incomplete families. But in reality, children do not receive, perhaps, the main thing that is necessary in childhood: the experience of trust, warmth and love in the family. And it is especially bad for children, who at the same time feel the inferiority of their position. For example, dad has another family, which for some reason is real, he lives in it and brings up other children, and he only comes to visit me. Or one of the parents, or even both, the child does not have at all.
The idea to equate a legal, though not crowned, marriage with fornication comes not from Holy Scripture and the teachings of the Church, but from our monstrous pride and malice. One must strongly hate people, and consider oneself entitled to judge them, in order to declare the entire population of the country fornicators, and children as bastards. After all, the majority of marriages in Russia (even if we leave the rest of the world aside) have remained unmarried for more than eighty years.
Trying to argue about this with modern women, and trying to prove to them that they are all harlots, and their children are bastards, just looks like a bad joke. Christian preaching cannot, in general, consist in condemning and proving. It can only consist in the evidence of our good life.
Question: If the parents were not married… As the grandmothers in churches say, the parents are in sin, and the children will suffer all their lives both There and here…
You listen to the grandmothers in the temple, and the whole life can really seem like a confusion of nuances and omissions. However, what is from God brings simplicity and clarity to the soul. The Lord is not a source of evil, and does not punish anyone, and even more so children who are not to blame for the sins of their parents. The sins of parents can greatly complicate or even cripple the life of their children on earth, and in this sense it can be said that children suffer because of them.
But the Lord does not judge children for the sins of their parents, and even vice versa - to whom less is given, the demand will be corresponding.
