Not all people experience betrayal the same way. Deep suffering is experienced by women with a certain mentality - the owners of the anal vector - the guardians of the hearth, faithful, devoted, domestic. The best wives and caring mothers, for them the main value in life is the family.
My life is divided into before and after. And I don't know how to live in this new life. And he lives and, apparently, does not even realize what his betrayal means to me!
I can't talk to him. Tears are choking. Constant mental dialogues are spinning in my head. But I'm not talking to him, but to THAT person whom I loved!
How can I forgive him? Can betrayal be forgiven?
How to cross out our conversations all night long? Once he was different - family and friends. I trusted him.
Only THAT, still I can tell about my pain. How unbearably bad I feel now - they can’t hold their legs, everything inside turns outward from this abomination that he brought into our lives. I always imagine him with this girl. I'm sick of his sight, his smell. It's impossible. Can't sleep, can't live...
He betrayed me. Trampled all that we have created. Our family, evenings in an embrace under a blanket, whisper, tenderness, happy nights. I opened my soul to him, and he spat in it.
Treason. What could be worse than this word? It turns out that everything that happened between us meant nothing to him? Was he pretending all this time? Or has something changed so much in me? What?
I can't even toss my wedding ring out to sea like a friend suggests. I just can't raise my hand. She also brought in a psychologist. Well, how can his advice help me survive the betrayal of my husband? Maybe time heals and someday the pain will subside, but what should I do now? Who will give me the answer?
A friend advises to kick a wedge with a wedge: “Who was your first? Let's call him." How does she know that he is my first! I still can't imagine myself with another man. I dreamed of living to see a golden wedding with my only beloved husband!
I don’t know what to do - how to survive the betrayal of the most beloved person?
Not all people experience betrayal the same way. Deep suffering is experienced by women with a certain mentality - the owner - the guardian of the hearth, faithful, devoted, domestic. The best wives and caring mothers, for them the main value in life is the family. By nature, they do not have a tendency to cheat, they are ready to devote themselves to their spouse and children. The betrayal of a husband strikes at the most valuable thing - family relationships. The meaning of life itself is lost, confidence in the future is gone.
The first reaction to the current situation is a stupor. Complete inhibition, inability to think and act. There is resentment - as a reaction to the strongest sense of injustice.
If, in addition to the anal vector, a woman has and is responsible for creating an emotional connection, then the situation is perceived as completely unbearable. The imagination draws pictures of betrayal in all details and immediately changes them to scenes of the past happy family life. Tears of lost love, desecrated fidelity and unfulfilled happiness, it seems, will never dry up.
And then a woman faces a difficult choice - whether to forgive her husband's infidelity or file for divorce. The opinions of people, including the opinions of psychologists, differ on this issue. Someone believes that, having changed once, the husband will not stop there. Others argue that, having survived the test, the family will only become stronger.
We won't guess. Training System-Vector Psychology will help you find the answer, is it possible to forgive the betrayal of a loved one.
To do this, we first understand - how could this happen? And this understanding will be the first step towards healing change.
It all starts with natural attraction - a man and a woman are literally attracted to each other by a magnet of mutual sympathy. The first touches - the current on the skin, the first kiss - the legs give way. And it becomes clear - here is my other half. Relationships are born, a couple is created. This "animal" level of mutual attraction lasts no more than three years: nature gives this period for the birth of a child.
Most often, couples are created by people with different vectors. So, a woman with an anal vector - a wonderful hostess and an excellent wife - is chosen by a man with. For him, the meaning of life is not at all family comfort, but personal and professional achievements - career, income, status. Mentally different spouses complement each other and are more likely to survive and raise children.
To create a deep relationship in a couple, it is necessary to know the characteristics of each other, understand the differences and not demand unusual manifestations from each other. Gradually getting to know a partner - his desires, aspirations, value system, sexual preferences, the spouses create in their couple something more than just attraction. There is a new level of intimacy between husband and wife.
There is trust and sincerity, the ability to open one's soul, to talk about any experiences - this is how an emotional connection is formed. Supporting her throughout life, the spouses, as it were, rise above everyday and life difficulties, moreover, the betrayal of a husband or wife becomes simply impossible in their couple.
Unfortunately, we are not taught at school or college how to properly build a family, how to create an emotional connection and trust. When we get married, we live on a whim, often having before our eyes not very successful examples of the relationship of our parents or other couples. In many ways, we are guided by false, socially imposed attitudes.
As long as the attraction is strong, the quarrels that arise, the misunderstanding disappear as soon as we are close to each other. Reconciliation often takes place in bed, and for a while there is a feeling of “everything is fine, we love each other; the darlings scold - they only amuse themselves.
But several years pass, and if a deep emotional connection is not created, there is nothing left to replace the faded attraction. Attraction disappears, intimacy becomes less vivid and emotional. And then it disappears altogether.
Spouses are increasingly moving away from each other. Mutual claims, irritation are intensifying, mutual misunderstanding is growing. What used to seem like cute features of a loved one are now perceived as serious flaws. Reproaches, nit-picking over trifles, resentment become companions of family life.
Most often, people continue to live together out of habit, out of a sense of duty. A man, not finding understanding at home, can go headlong into work, give preference to communicating with friends. A woman is looking for herself in the arrangement of life and the upbringing of children. At the same time, she sincerely does not understand why her husband does not want to spend time in the family.
The tension grows, and one day another one arises - sensual, understanding, evoking forgotten feelings of need and passion. A man with a skin vector, naturally prone to change and looking for novelty in everything, often cannot resist the temptation. However, he does not experience his betrayal as a betrayal. For him, this is a change of sensations, a kind of adventure.
The wife found out about the betrayal!- often this is the only thing that depresses him. He may sincerely not understand why his wife suffers so much. "Zaya, what's wrong with that? Well, it's just an affair, who doesn't happen to? But I love you. Well, I'm sorry, I'm sorry ... "
A common cause of infidelity in a man with a skin vector is insufficient implementation in society. The desire for change is his innate feature, which he applies in social life. If the realization in society is lost or insufficient, then the man is looking for a factor of novelty in sexual relations. A naturally conservative woman with an anal vector is not always ready to give her skin spouse the desired novelty and change of sensations. A new connection - gives. Fleeting, having nothing to do with love and not pouring into further relationships.
Another situation may arise in a man with an anal-visual ligament of vectors. He is a family man by nature and loves his wife. But he can truly fall in love with his mistress. Frank, seductive, she is naturally desired by all men. Unable to resist her charms, the man falls into a painful scenario. Such a husband experiences betrayal as his betrayal, suffers from feelings of guilt, but does not dare to leave the family and cannot leave his mistress. Often this "double life" lasts for years.
Of course, it is very difficult to forget betrayal, this situation will not disappear from memory. But even if now it seems impossible to forgive her husband’s betrayal and it’s not clear how to live on, you need to try to understand the reasons for what happened, to realize the reality not only from your side, but also from him.
Yes, what happened is painful and unfair. And this is not your fault. Everything came from mutual misunderstanding, ignorance of each other.
Those who give advice to “understand and forgive” often do not even understand what is meant by a really deep understanding of the mental structure of a loved one. Together with the realization of the cause of the situation that has arisen, the burden of resentment leaves, which brings incredible relief and real forgiveness.
Being stuck in a bad state, getting offended, experiencing a traumatic situation again and again, a woman can provoke psychosomatic illnesses. Not to mention the fact that in this state it is impossible to fix relationships or build new ones.
In this case, the likely scenarios for the development of events are sad. For example, formally the family is preserved, but the feeling of resentment does not make it possible to change the relationship - constant reproaches, doubts, suspicions poison the lives of both. Or a woman breaks her marriage, but transfers the negative experience to a new family, depriving herself and her innocent spouse of the opportunity to become happy. Or she cannot start a new relationship, suspecting in every man a "traitor and traitor."
Is it possible to forgive the betrayal of her husband and save the relationship? The answer of a system-vector psychologist is you can, if you want it. Men, like women, are monogamous (for the rarest). They, too, seek happiness with the one and only wife who understands them. Intimacy in a couple is a guarantee of fidelity, a “vaccination” against treason, and excludes outside interference.
You will get to know yourself and your man for real, understand how to create with him, you can get rid of resentment, regain trust and build a deep, sensual, happy relationship. Or perhaps you will realize that your marriage has outlived its usefulness and does not need to be saved. And in this case, it will be much easier for you to consciously and calmly, with gratitude for all the good things, let go of this relationship and start a new life.
Let this situation, which has caused you so much pain, become an opportunity to find real family happiness! See
How to survive a cheating husband - 4 steps to family recovery
- Betrayal - what is it?
- To transfer the betrayal of a spouse: five life-saving tricks
- How to survive the betrayal of a husband after thirty years of marriage?
4 easy steps to keep your relationship going
- Conclusion
Have you ever wondered what is on the other side of the mirror? Look. Just now you saw yourself in the mirror - so beautiful, smiling - and now, after a second, there is nothing. This is how a person who has been betrayed feels. Something subtly changes in the soul: for a short time it becomes empty. Then anger, resentment, a desire for revenge settle in it. Then, if you're lucky, forgiveness. But there is a moment in which the soul is empty. What is leaving her? First of all, faith. Faith as trust in the world.
Man is born helpless: he is unable to maintain his own life. He can only trust the world to let him live. In the beginning, we seek support from the mother and trust her. We need warmth, food and love as a feeling of confidence that we will be helped. About two years old, the child's social ties expand and he enters the Big World.
He learns to interact, establish relationships with friends, passers-by, with his aunt on the bench, with his uncle at the bus stop, curiously looks at the dog, determining - friend or foe? Some do it better, some worse. But each of us, sooner or later, finds himself standing in front of a mirror like this and sees emptiness there. And it seems that the world has turned its back.
How does this happen? Differently. And always unexpected. After all, the essence of betrayal is the violation of our trust in the things that are most important to us, and it begins exactly where our faith ends. The conclusion is sad: betrayal is impossible to foresee. It is useless to guess where you will fall and lay straw there in advance. Each time we completely unexpectedly and anew, with all possible sharpness, are confronted with feelings that destroy us.
You have recovered from the first shock associated with the infidelity of your husband, but time goes by, and the pain does not subside. You are afraid that you will never be able to forget, forgive, and that the relationship is damaged forever. This is not true.
1. Don't despair.
Name your feelings out loud. Tell yourself, "I feel angry, I'm worried, I'm confused" or something else. You don't have to do anything about these feelings - just acknowledge them. Believe me: if you notice your feelings, observe them, and do not suppress them, they will gradually weaken and become more manageable over time.
2. Work on your thoughts.
Many feelings arise as a result of our thoughts. Do not let harmful thoughts poison your life, but for this, write them down. Write as if your inner voice is dictating to you. And when you write everything, word by word, you will see that there is nothing particularly frightening there. Go back to the beginning of the text and look for exaggerations.
Reread the text again and pay attention to “always”, “never”, “should”, “should” and other words from the category of black and white vocabulary.
3. Think about what these memories want to tell you.
Go back to the diary entries that your inner voice dictated to you. Once you've filtered out the exaggerations, you're left with a few fairly straightforward tasks. Since you have already guessed what the memories are telling you, it would be quite logical to take practical steps to solve these problems.
4. Stop expecting the impossible from your partner.
We tend to see our partners the way we like to see them, rather than the way they really are. And yet, for some reason, we are sure that they think exactly the same as we do. Try to accept in a partner not only his strengths, but also his shortcomings. Be aware that there is something impossible for him, beyond his strength.
5. Get rid of perfectionism.
We cannot be perfect because we are human. And when we make a mistake or fail to achieve the impossible, we are nonetheless ashamed of it. Accept this feeling in yourself and analyze the thoughts that arise about this. It's certainly worth aiming to be the best version of yourself and your marriage to be the best version of yourself, but please, let's not aim for absolute perfection.
Thirty years together is a long time. You have learned a lot from him, and he from you. Appreciate it. And if there is even the slightest chance to save the family, do everything possible. And the impossible - do it too! Now is not the time to be proud and think about what people will say. Now is the time to look for a compromise and make concessions to each other.
1) Think about your children.
Your children have grown up. They are now at the very age when it is necessary to create and build their own family. Perhaps they are already married, and you even have grandchildren.
What thoughts will she have? Husband is bad, men have only problems. Therefore, it will be very difficult for your daughter with such attitudes to start a family. And if she already has a family, then problems in her family are inevitable. After all, your daughter is a part of you, she absorbed your behavior, your attitudes from childhood. And now she will begin to treat all men with suspicion.
2) Thoughts are material.
If your family is constantly discussing the topic of how to survive the betrayal of her husband, then your daughter subconsciously thinks about cheating, and about her attitude to it. And it doesn't even matter which side she's on now. Most likely, she condemns her father and pities her mother, but this is not always the case. Sometimes a daughter idolizes her father, and she is ready to forgive him even such behavior.
They say that thoughts are material. And if we constantly think about betrayal, then we attract such situations to ourselves, into our lives. Therefore, do not be surprised that similar situations will also appear in your daughter’s life, so that she will try to solve them on her own personal experience.
3) The fate of children is similar to the fate of parents.
Take a look at your life. How you look like your mother! You think exactly the same as her, your habits and actions are similar. Even your illnesses are the same. There are no hereditary diseases, there are “hereditary” behaviors that lead to the same diseases. Therefore, if you could not save your family and survive the betrayal of your husband, then you should not be surprised at the difficult fate of your daughter. You have to start. And above all, you need to learn to forgive the mistakes of other people.
You may be interested in the topic.
Step 1- Know what you're missing.
Being in the midst of betrayal, the temptation is great to slam the door and leave. It seems to us that one can run away from the problem, that there will be peace and universal love outside the door. In reality, the opposite is true.
Take a pen and a piece of paper. Write down your accomplishments in one column. living together with her husband, in the second - what do you get in the event of a divorce.
Are you really ready to just give up everything that you created with such labor and such love? I am sure the answer of the majority will be negative.
Step 2- Determine the cause of the betrayal.
The truth is that 100% bad guys don't exist. Both are to blame for what happened.
Can we talk. No tantrums or accusations. As before, heart to heart. If children interfere at home, arrange dinner in a restaurant, rent a hotel room, go to the park, to some places that are significant for you.
If you are not ready for a conversation, you are afraid that you will not cope with yourself, you will begin to feel sorry for yourself and blame your partner, write him a letter. Words written on paper have magical powers. What in a conversation may not be heard, missed, not understood, penetrates directly into the heart through letters.
Ask your husband to write down and rank in descending order the qualities that are important to him in you. Do the same for your husband and give it to him.
Step 3- Change your attitude towards change.
You would never have guessed that the reason for the betrayal lies in the points that your man indicated.
Knowing the reason for the betrayal, it is easier to change the attitude towards it. Try to understand that your loved one at some point became unhappy, he felt bad and uncomfortable next to you. He suffered, suffered. It was this dissatisfaction that pushed him onto the path of sin. He turned out to be weak and now, when the fact of betrayal was revealed, he understands this no worse than you and suffers even more.
When you see that the cause of betrayal is weakness, and not deceit, dislike, conscious betrayal, there is a desire to HELP to get out of a difficult situation.
By changing your attitude towards treason, you begin to treat it not as an incurable disease, but as a common disease that medicine successfully fights. The main thing is to want.
Step 4- Femininity, once again femininity.
In most cases, a man who has embarked on the path of infidelity has ceased to have enough femininity in his wife in its various manifestations.
Every man is looking for a woman next to whom he feels like a REAL man. And you were once such a woman!
Femininity- that fertile ground on which you can nurture your Napoleon, president, genius, a real man in your understanding.
No matter how sad it may sound, adultery is an inevitable course of development of relationships in almost every family. It is a crisis that pushes the relationship to another level or point.
The first thing you should do in such a situation is to listen to yourself and just experience it without holding back your feelings. This approach will help you let go of the situation without reliving it for several years.
It is difficult to survive betrayal, but by changing your attitude towards it and not getting hung up on the problem, you can go through this period of your life without much mental loss. It all depends on you.
The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site
How does it happen?
Have you ever wondered what is on the other side of the mirror? Look. Just now you saw yourself in the mirror - so beautiful, smiling - and now, after a second, there is nothing. This is how a person who has been betrayed feels. Something subtly changes in the soul: for a short time it becomes empty. Then anger, resentment, a desire for revenge settle in it. Then, if you're lucky, forgiveness. But there is a moment in which the soul is empty. What is leaving her? First of all, faith. Faith as trust in the world.
Betrayal - what is it?
Man is born helpless: he is unable to maintain his own life. He can only trust the world to let him live. In the beginning, we seek support from the mother and trust her. We need warmth, food and love as a feeling of confidence that we will be helped. About two years old, the child's social ties expand and he enters the Big World. He learns to interact, to establish relationships with friends, passers-by, with his aunt on the bench, with his uncle at the bus stop, curiously looking at the dog, determining - friend or foe? Some people do it better, some worse. But each of us, sooner or later, finds himself standing in front of a mirror like this and sees emptiness there. And it seems that the world has turned its back.
How does this happen?
Differently. And always unexpected. After all, the essence of betrayal is the violation of our trust in the things that are most important to us, and the beginning of it is exactly where our faith ends. The conclusion is sad: betrayal is impossible to foresee. It is useless to guess where you will fall and lay straw there in advance. Each time we completely unexpectedly and anew, with all possible sharpness, are confronted with feelings that destroy us.
And then?
In psychology today, the problem of effective behavior in difficult situations is being studied quite intensively. The most promising direction in this area is coping theory. The term was introduced by the American psychologist Abraham Maslow in 1987, and is understood as coping behavior (from the English to cope - to cope, to cope) constantly changing mental and behavioral attempts to cope with external or internal problems that arise in front of a person. In essence, coping behavior distinguishes a person's willingness to solve life's problems. On the opposite side of the pole - the expressive behavior of the "offended" and "betrayed" - behavior in which a person's actions are dictated only by "naked" emotions. In this case, the lady “treacherously” abandoned by her beloved revels in her own guilt in the morning, gets angry at the “scoundrel” in the afternoon, and falls into depression closer to the night. Further more. Our heroine will begin to act under the influence of these emotions! That is, to beg and curse, scold and apologize, and thus completely confuse everything and get confused herself. What is wrong with this wonderful, time-tested method? The fact that the problem is not solved in this way. After all, our deceived heroine is only concerned with herself, and not with a problem. A completely different way is effective: to solve the problem and thus get rid of negative experiences.
What if you calm down?
How should one behave in such a situation? The answer is ridiculously simple. First calm down, and then decide what to do. And not vice versa - first get excited and "heap too much", and then - "scratch your turnip" over the consequences of your own emotional storm. Have you calmed down? And now it’s worth considering what you yourself did in order to be betrayed.
To betray, as you might guess, only a close one is capable of. After all, it was to him that we “turned our backs”, it was he who owns the “secret information”, it was he who had some hopes. And was it worth it? It has been noticed that the stronger our feelings about someone's treachery, the greater part of the responsibility for our own destiny we managed to transfer to the "deceiver" before. It is much easier to betray a person who is dependent and psychologically helpless (like a baby) than someone who leaves important questions to himself, and does not give them to someone to solve. The notorious departure of her husband is, in one case, an unfortunate prick of fate, and in another, the collapse of the picture of the world. And if your case is the second, consider that your husband gave you a gift. By leaving, he gave you the opportunity to see that you can live without him. The picture of the world will be restored. Just be kind, next time do not take so much space in it for a new husband. Such a load is not for everyone. Yes, and you will have more fun.
Betrayal as a mistake
Very often, it helps to stop worrying about someone's treachery by reviewing the situation in which your “deceiver” finds himself. After all, it is much easier to forgive a person if he made a mistake than if you know for sure that he is a villain with a cold heart!
Believe me, there are very few villains with cold hearts. And it is unlikely that you were lucky to pull out such a dead card. As practice shows, any ugly act, as a rule, has a sad motive. The biggest meanness from the inside is often felt as weakness. And then - a merciless fate intervenes and completes the dirty deed. Yes, your loved one has an exceptionally pretty secretary. Rather, he just passed than he wanted to hurt you. Forgive him as one forgives the weak. After all, the weak are easier to forgive than the evil.
Here, by the way, there is a curious nuance that can help. Is it hard for you to consider the atrocity a mistake? Do you prefer to keep exposing? You probably think that the "villain" is obliged to bear 100% responsibility for what he did? Excellent. What about your 100% responsibility? After all, it was you who allowed the situation to happen. It was you who gave the traitor the cards. You are the one who trusted! You, not someone else, allowed your trust to be abused.
Ah, are you wrong? Of course you are wrong. And he too.
How to forgive the unforgivable?
Alas, this also happens.
You have been betrayed so cruelly that forgiveness is out of the question. What then are we talking about? Probably about revenge. You suffer, not knowing how to respond to the offender. You blame yourself for being too gullible. You are amazed again and again how it was possible to do this - to you? After all, you are so special!
Unfortunately, a variety of unfortunate incidents are also bad because they take away from us the illusion of our own exclusivity. It is also called the "rookie illusion". This illusion can be described with a simple phrase - "nothing like this can happen to me, because it's me!". The collapse of this illusion is very painful. It turns out that this can happen: they betray and deceive - not someone and somewhere. It turns out that this is possible here and now, right with you, so unique and inimitable. And now you need to take revenge: to prove to him (her or them) that they made a mistake by mixing you with the crowd.
You may be surprised, but revenge will not help. Firstly, “in the heat of the moment” of resentment, absolutely everyone wants to take revenge. I mean, you're not unique in that either. And secondly, revenge does not at all undo what was done to you. And therefore, you are again in the crowd.
There is only one way to forgive the unforgivable. It works despite its paradoxical nature. Try to understand what forced the offender to do this, and not otherwise. This is especially important in the case of intentional atrocities against you. Think about it: what did you do that made you hurt so badly? Imagine how bad it must have been for a person who went to such an ugly act. Don't you think that a loved one could hit you casually, without hesitation? So there were reasons? And they were probably serious. And, sadly, that reason is you. And you probably did him no less harm. And how did you do it? This is the most interesting thing. And when you find the answer - ask for forgiveness for your part of the evil done. I promise you will feel better.
plus to minus
Finally, I want to give you one trick. It will help, if not remove, then reduce the pain from the trouble that has occurred. Just think again, what is really the problem when you are betrayed? Exactly what was betrayed? Or - the feelings that flooded over you? This is an important question. Imagine: in the morning, a husband “meanly” left a certain woman, and in the afternoon she found out that she miraculously owns a villa in the Canary Islands, a new Lamborghini and a marriage contract with Leonardo Di Caprio. Will she be sad in the evening? Complex issue.
Now you understand that any betrayal is inside us, and not outside at all?
Magazine "Psychology for every day", May 2006. |
Modern marriage is like a powder keg, because people who enter into a family union and take an oath of allegiance can easily break it. The reasons for such actions may vary depending on each particular couple, but there are common methods, with which you can restore relationships or simplify the recovery period after a betrayal. Next, we will talk about how to survive the betrayal of her husband, and the advice of psychologists will allow you not to break firewood in saving your own marriage.
Should I forgive my husband's betrayal? The advice of a psychologist must be used based on the individual characteristics of the faithful and the specific situation. First of all, it is necessary to find out the reason that prompted the spouse to go to the left. Many modern experts in the field believe that women most often cheat on their husbands because of a lack of attention or out of revenge (much less often). In men, there are more reasons for adultery, among the main factors it is worth highlighting:
It is one of the most common reasons for cheating. Men need not only an active sex life, but also a certain variety in the intimate sphere. In order not to bore each other, both partners must work both on themselves and on relationships. Many wives eventually begin to perceive own husbands like a home interior, it seems that the spouse is constantly at hand, and he has nowhere to go (“who else besides me might need it?”). Such an approach hurts male pride, and if a person has the remnants of self-respect, he will not tolerate such an alignment.
Each person has a set of own values, ideals and life guidelines. A man can make demands on a woman such as grooming, openness, maintaining appearance in proper condition and readiness to provide support in difficult times. In the case when both partners look at the joint future in the same direction, husbands rarely think about going to the left. However, in the opposite situation, when the spouses move away from each other, all the prerequisites are created for finding a passion on the side.
He is a leader, and for a truly triumphant victory he needs a battle or a long struggle. Her absence entails the fading of interest in the subject of the opposite sex and the search for a woman who will make her partner feel like a real conqueror. The desire to win at all costs is the driving factor leading to various discoveries in science and technology. It also sometimes makes monogamy a difficult test for a man.
If a relationship continues for more than four years, it has a good chance of turning into a routine where two people just tolerate each other. The accumulated disagreements and hidden grievances sooner or later come to the surface and result in scandals and the spouse's search for consolation on the side. When a man is already over 40, and by his age he did not have time to realize himself in the creative field and climb the career ladder, he begins a crisis. An inferiority complex on the basis of a lack of self-realization often pushes for treason.
Statistics say that the most prone to cheating are men of a narcissistic warehouse, prone to narcissism and having a selfish character. It is incredibly difficult for men of this type to control themselves when a compliment is addressed to them from the lips of a pretty girl. Such subjects change much more often, because they constantly need new facts that reinforce their viability and attractiveness.
It is interesting! Jealousy is a kind of generator, fueled by insecurity and fears. Therefore, men, as a rule, leave excessively jealous women for less insecure ladies with higher self-esteem.
Is it possible to forgive a cheating husband? The psychologist's answer will vary depending on a number of circumstances and the attitude of the spouse towards him. believe that adultery has the right to forgiveness in the following situations:
Psychologist's advice on how to survive the betrayal of a man is not to overreact to this unpleasant event. For most women, infidelity causes outbursts of rage and outbursts of anger, but it is worth waiting for them to subside. Deep long exhalation helps to cool the intensity of emotions. In the future, you should not suppress the surging feelings of disappointment and resentment in yourself, but it is strongly not recommended to cultivate pity in your address.
Sincere forgiveness of the fact of infidelity is necessary for the woman herself, since a cocktail of anger, resentment and disappointment is very destructive and can lead to the development of chronic diseases. It is important to accept the whole range of negative feelings associated with the betrayal of her husband, and admit to herself that she is confused and angry. Only after that you need to take steps to get rid of the blues as soon as possible and restore peace of mind.
How to survive the betrayal of her husband and? Psychologist's advice: first of all, stop placing all responsibility for what happened solely on your spouse. In any conflict situation, all its participants are to blame. Discord usually begins where there is no mutual respect and understanding, so it is worthwhile to objectively assess your own role in the problem that has arisen. Women who have experienced stress after they have revealed the truth about their spouse's trips to the left can be given the following recommendations:
Even if the rival was eliminated, and the husband swears an oath to pay all attention exclusively to the family, you should not rejoice too much. The fact that the passion disappears from view will not affect the fact that the spouse will constantly compare his wife with his mistress, and this comparison will often not be in favor of the wife.
It is important! If a difficult conversation with your husband is scheduled for a certain time in a particular place, you should not come there with eyes swollen from tears and lack of sleep and dull skin. It is important to take care of your appearance, demonstrating grace, irresistibility and self-confidence at a meeting.
How to survive cheating husband? Psychologist's advice: do not make a deal with your own conscience, trying to return "as before" by hushing up the problem. Aggressive behavior with breaking dishes and noisy scandals also does not lead to any positive results, as well as attempts to put pressure on pity. The negative will need to be thrown out later, directing it to the least destructive channel, without harming the people around.
It is necessary to come to terms with the fact that the tightening mental wound after the betrayal of the faithful, a certain period of time will pass. Longing and sadness will pass sooner or later, and instead of passively waiting for happy changes, psychologists recommend that you come to grips with it. If finances allow, you can break loose and go on a trip with your beloved friend. A sharp change of scenery and new experiences accelerate the period of getting rid of stress.
If partners, after discussions, have made a balanced decision to stay together, psychologists recommend that they take active steps to get closer to each other. It's best to take time out from work, entrust the children to the temporary care of grandparents, and go on a trip or a romantic cruise together. The intoxicating atmosphere of a second honeymoon is perfect for starting a relationship with a clean slate.
In modern society, there is an opinion that proud and Strong woman should solve their problems on their own and not complain about the difficulties to others. In fact, there is nothing shameful in turning to friends and relatives for help, inquiring about their honest opinion about the current situation and enlisting their support. In the absence of comrades and kindred spirits nearby, you can lay out the accumulated pain and disappointment on a piece of paper, read your own torment aloud, then burn them and scatter the ashes to the wind.
Often, leaving a walking husband is the best option for the development of events. Many women believe that it is worth closing their eyes to the fact of adultery and continue to live as if nothing had happened, so as not to injure children, relatives or friends. The variant of silence has low efficiency, and a woman should not make a deal with her own conscience in order to save a marriage that has long been “bursting at the seams”.
How to forgive cheating husband? : first of all, it is necessary to understand that the idea of a spouse is far from always identical to the true state of affairs. In any problematic situation, you should try to look at it as objectively as possible, without speculation and unreasonable assumptions. It is also reckless to passively wait for the unfaithful spouse to come to their senses and decide to return to the family. Seeing weakness in the actions of his wife, the husband is unlikely to suffer from remorse or change the vector of behavior.
Stress after a husband's infidelity lasts longer and is more difficult for women who are not aware of the reasons for adultery and shift all responsibility for what happened to their spouse. In a fit of anger, any person is able to do such things that problems will only increase in the future, so women who learn about the fact of their husband's infidelity should use the following practical recommendations:
Some women who have a grumpy and grouchy character, after the betrayal of their husband, rush to the other extreme, and change their behavior from aggressive to emphatically friendly. Some of them visit a beauty salon and a hairdresser in the hope of attracting their spouse in a new way with a bright appearance combined with flattery. Most psychologists are of the opinion that such an algorithm of actions is absolutely ineffective. In addition, false emotions, coupled with repressed anger, lead to various, and at the physiological level.
Important! Punishment (including physical punishment) of a husband caught cheating sometimes seems to be the most tempting and sure way to solve the problem. Love cannot be built on a foundation of intimidation and fear. Even if the spouse returns to the family for some period of time and plays the role of an exemplary father and husband, at the first good opportunity, he will run away to a less authoritarian life partner.
Instead of self-abasement and comparing themselves with a rival, psychologists recommend that women turn their attention to their own development. A cheating husband can be a motivating factor pushing for cardinal changes in life. It's time to sign up for a fitness class, buy a pool membership or buy a mountain bike, take an unplanned vacation, or leave your hateful workplace altogether. To improve life after infidelity and parting with her husband, psychologists give the following advice:
How to forgive your husband for cheating? Psychologist's advice: it is worth starting to take steps towards reconciliation only after a detailed analysis of the current situation and establishing the reasons for the betrayal. Betrayal is a heavy burden, and one should prepare for the fact that it can take many months or even years to restore lost trust in a spouse.
Important! Relationships after infidelity will most likely never be the same again. A new round awaits them, or they will completely exhaust themselves. Therefore, it is worthwhile to firmly understand that nothing will be “as before”, and attempts to hold on to the past in such situations have a destructive potential.
In order to prevent possible betrayal, a woman needs to pay attention to creating a spiritually favorable microclimate in the family. It's nice to introduce something as wonderful as a weekly romantic dinner at home or in a restaurant. It is worth jointly making decisions and discussing particularly acute points in order to avoid the accumulation of grievances and claims. Spouses who want to improve relations and bring a fresh stream into them need to adopt the following recommendations from psychologists:
Situations should not be allowed when a man constantly comes into conflict with an adult son or daughter of a cohabitant from a previous marriage. Psychologists do not recommend torn between the concepts of "mother" and "wife", so you need to make efforts and certain diplomatic talents to create the most comfortable environment within your own home.
Many women turn to specialists with complaints like “I can’t forgive my husband’s betrayal, but we live together.” The advice of a psychologist in such a case will be obvious: it is necessary to end a relationship in which both partners feel uncomfortable. If the spouses want to maintain a relationship, but do not have the necessary training to conduct constructive dialogues, they need to turn to intermediaries in the person of qualified psychologists.
The help of a psychologist in a situation with infidelity is as follows: a woman is provided with comprehensive support, starting with the search for the causes of adultery and ending with the development of an optimal algorithm of actions to restore emotional calm. If classical psychology does not bring desired results, it is worth considering a visit to a competent hypnotist. He is able to change a woman's attitude to infidelity on a subconscious level and significantly reduce anxiety and anxiety.
A recognized specialist in the field of psychology and hypnosis is Nikita Valeryevich Baturin, the author and developer of a number of unique methods to combat fears and various neurotic disorders. With the help of hypnosessions, you cannot bewitch your husband and make him look at you with loving eyes. However, hypnosis can:
Those women who are afraid of further existence and new acquaintances should familiarize themselves with this video:
You suspected your husband of infidelity. Tried different ways find out the truth. And everything was confirmed. So what to do? How to be now? Psychologist Galina Artemyeva talks about how best to behave when she learns about her husband's infidelity.
Remember the song: “I took off my jacket decisively thrown over, I had enough strength to seem proud, I said to him:“ All the best ”..."
First: do not rush to decisively take off your jacket. Cool down and think. Well, let's think together. It turned out that you lived with a traitor. But you lived! Even quite a long time. And nothing! Well, be patient, cool down. Repeat, repeat to yourself: "Yes, he cheated! Yes, he cheated!" Well - let's repeat a hundred times, until the most ridiculous becomes. (Definitely will, but not so soon!)
Second: let's admit to ourselves that nothing like this has happened yet. Everyone is alive? Alive! Even healthy! There is a place to live, there is something to eat. Already good. Well, an extraneous dirty trick has flown into your life. So now? Shoot yourself? Let's learn to take a hit! Let's rake this dirty trick into a pile and throw it in the trash. And that's it! Forgot. And do not dare to grind in your poor head the words from the found letter of the husband addressed to another: “I love you, you are my only wife, my cross (just think, right? Well, bastard!), She poisons my life, only with you I'm happy..."
I had suspicions that my husband was cheating, like many women, the sixth sense. I found out the truth, though not all of it yet. He went to the "bad girls" for oral. How can this be forgiven? - that was the first question. I know that he didn’t have enough of me, but I can’t force myself to do what he wants. I want to leave (and these thoughts were a very long time ago, I didn’t want 2 children to live without a father), but now it’s simply necessary. We used to have frequent quarrels for various reasons, but now I see no reason to endure. The only problem is that I want to leave now, but they won’t let me go from work (I’m a teacher, now it’s the middle of the year). I do not know what to do. I can't stand these 4 months, I can't pretend. And if I say everything, then I will not spend this time with him. I do not know what to do...
15.02.2019 01:29:53,Hello, the other day I couldn’t sleep at night, there’s no sleep and that’s it. She began to wind herself up, but if he had another and added “no, he won’t cheat on me, he loves me very much, it’s just cheating.” I got into his phone while he slept peacefully next to me. I opened the first correspondence I came across with some woman. A cursory glance at the content .. result, betrayal on the face. There were intimate photos and talk of them sleeping. At 5 am. She moved from bed to sofa, crying. I learned a little from the correspondence, I did not read everything. It was very painful. He has to get up at 7. I set the alarm clock for the near future, as if it was already time to get up. The alarm clock rang, but the clock is not the right time, he cannot understand what is happening. I try to curb my emotions and say: "tell me." He does not understand. “Tell everything. Who is *name*! Him: “What are you doing? About what? You make up everything for yourself." I repeat everything. Confessed. He said at the moment it was hard for him, stress, quarrels were small and gave up. Been hiding it for over 2 months. She doesn't know about me. I screamed at him through tears until 7 in the morning. He said he loves me very much and does not want to lose me. Tears welled up at the very edge. I always thought that I would not forgive betrayal, but I myself love him and gave him a chance with conditions, stepping over myself and my pride. Left for work. From tantrums and a night without sleep, I passed out on the bed. I woke up at lunchtime, porridge in my head, immediately into tears. I couldn't believe it, I just refused. He wrote that he blocked it everywhere and deleted it. The whole day nothing went into her mouth, she only drank water. To somehow distract myself, I cleaned the whole apartment and cooked dinner. He came. I can't look at him, barely holding back tears. Somehow she ate a little and went to lie on the bed. He thanked me for dinner and, seeing my condition, lay down next to me and hugged me. I started crying. He repented, asked for forgiveness and said how much he loved me, that there was no excuse for him and he could not watch how much it hurt me. Reconciled. Said I needed time to process it all. The next day, she used to ask questions about her, when all sorts of thoughts climbed. I changed the password on my phone. I sort of forgave and try to let go of the situation, but there is no trust and I don’t know what to do. And suddenly he lies again, I doubt the words. It seems to have done the right thing, but it is insanely difficult to forget it and accept ...
13.01.2019 09:51:49,Total 49 messages .
At some point a year and a half ago, my husband changed beyond recognition: from a person who adored me and blew dust off me, he turned into a quarrelsome person who found fault with me and the children for all the little things. Every day there were scandals in the house. He accused me of everything: a bad wife, mother, you don’t stand like that, you don’t lie like that. A year and a half later, I found out that all this time he had love for another woman.
Is it normal to cheat at the age of 60+ and leave the family for mistresses 20 years younger? My story is about this. I read a lot of topics about cheating. Basically they write that a man leaves if something does not suit him. My ex-husband He said that he always loved me, very much, but it happened. It's not my fault that I'm so amorous.
My husband and I have known each other since the age of 15, we lived in the same yard. We started dating in 2002, everything was great, love, romance. In 2009 they got married, a couple of years later a beautiful daughter was born. And then it began, I went all into a child, I often quarreled with my husband. Then I found his correspondence with his student (he is a driving instructor), he wrote to her: what was between us, let it remain between us, you are a student, and I am your teacher.
We had lunch, talked, laughed, celebrated a bright holiday, my husband lay down on the sofa in the living room, I stayed in the kitchen for a laptop. We practically have a kitchen-living room, the sofa is visible. I saw on the screen of his phone (he was texting) cute emoticons, became interested, came closer, behind his back, he did not see me. A couple of phrases of correspondence were enough to understand that I did not escape the fate of a deceived wife - “pleasant memories” were remembered. The earth is gone from under the feet, the state of passion is real
Good day to all. A question about the betrayal of a loved one. Has your significant other ever cheated on you? Did you forgive it or broke up? I’ve been dating a guy for three years. He confessed to cheating. He repents very much, he says he was drunk and didn’t understand anything. I don’t want to part with him, I love him. But resentment is eating me from the inside. what has your loved one changed for you?
My husband left me, 3 months ago he just left home and that's it. Without explanation ... From the social network on his page I found out that he now has the status of a divorced person, there is a girl who calls him none other than her beloved ... What should I do? How should I be, I lived with him for 10 years in marriage .
My husband and I are 56 years old, we have been married for 30 years, we have two children, a daughter of 29 years and a son of 22 years. In principle, they lived all these years not bad, although there was everything, but in general, the marriage can be called good. And here comes the trouble. In June, I found out that my husband was cheating on me, did not love me and wanted to get a divorce. That in April he met a girl at work and fell in love and wants to be with her.
The wife accidentally found out about her husband's infidelity. He didn't deny it. In his words, the betrayal was a one-time affair, drunk, so to speak, but at the same time, in one of the social networks, he discussed his wife with his mistress (he was tired of everyday life, became boring, etc.). Initially there was a position, and what is it? I'm not going to leave the family, so I don't see a problem.
I often read here that those whose husband has cheated are advised not to dwell on this and live on if you want to save your family ... My husband had an affair, he says that everything is over THERE, he wants to be with me and the children, loves , cares, gives gifts, etc... I love him... BUT I can't stop thinking about cheating
The husband, the father of my child, said that he fell in love with another woman and was leaving. A couple of months ago, I was glowing with happiness. When I went to work after maternity leave, I answered questions about my husband that I have the BEST HUSBAND in the world and God forbid everyone like that. After seven years of living together, we continued to hold hands, caress each other, like romantics kissed in a car at traffic lights and in elevators. Now I'm ready to die, but the thought of a child brings me to my senses.
Suddenly I caught myself thinking that I want to do something to spite him. For example, lose weight. Or hang out on a dating site. Or take a lover. What is this, a desire for revenge? Is it worth it to go for it? Will it get easier?
.jpg)
