Of course, the situation is difficult in which you are. But you have found at least some support in your life, and of course you need to cherish this if your husband does not bad person . But the relationship with the son, too, of course, must now not be destroyed and preserved. Children from an early age, up to the age of three, are taught obedience. It seems that they did not bargain because they did not know about it. Most likely you followed the theory - you need to be a friend to your child and this is a delusion. Parents should be a senior authority, not a friend, and they should bring up good habits in a child with which it will be easier for him to live in an independent life later, and this is house cleaning (including the toilet), this is discipline, daily routine, so but to educate moral guidelines, to form a conscience - then it will later be easier for him to build relationships with the world (with people around him). To the pack, if there is no father or stepfather in the family, but only a mother, then the child will not learn to interact with the outside world. He will not get practice in his own family, when, making mistakes in behavior, he still does not run the risk of causing anger, but on the contrary, he is protected by a guarantee of patience from adults, because they are his family and will understand a lot and forgive and even suggest. In general, little is learned from the mother by practically interacting with the outside world. Mom is the person who, in principle, taught you everything and you understand each other without words, she doesn’t need to convey anything, because it was she who taught you how to feel, how to count, how to see, being with you very closely for the first three years. But the father is the first person from the outside world and he never knows what you need, he needs to convey, spend energy on it and learn to understand that he cannot guess what you want, unlike mom. On the one hand, he is a person from the outside world, on the other hand, he is not a stranger, he loves you and wants to understand. And these are good conditions for safely learning to communicate with the outside world. Now back to your situation - the boy did not have a father and he does not know how to interact with the outside world. This is now the difficulty of the relationship when the stepfather appeared. You have to understand it and go through it. Sometime you have to learn. After all, he will face this problem anyway, and then, when he becomes independent. Learn now all together, the main thing is that you all be friendly to each other and patient, especially adults, and of course you do not hesitate to show warmth to your son, even if he grows up and even if he is harsh. Be one family since you're in the same boat. Of course, it is already too late to cultivate obedience, it may not work out. But still, it’s never too late to at least figure out what your poditsya should be. There are many videos on the Internet about how to bring up obedience in a child, and there are also lectures by Rabbi Avir Kushnir, for example, "Fundamentals of raising children. Obedience." Maybe they can be the beginning for you to understand the role of parents, and then you will find the way on your own, who knows. But of course, the responsibility in raising your son lies with you (namely, with the parents, but there is no father, so you). Grandmothers are not the educators of your children, it is not their responsibility. They must love their grandchildren, but only you can raise a son. You must become the main authority in his eyes. He must listen to you. Otherwise, expect trouble, someone else will become the authority. And maybe it will not be the best person from any of the Internet or just from a yard company. And with regard to the computer, of course, restrictions and control over communication on the Internet are needed. It's not safe for teenagers. Perhaps he already has influence from there and this explains his impudent attitude towards you. 12/16/2018 10:08:13 AM, EvgueniyaL
Hello, I am very uncomfortable with such a question, but, unfortunately, to begin with, I still want to get help from a consultant on the Internet. I need to solve a problem. For a long time I made, as it seemed to me at the moment, a mistake, which now takes on an unpleasant look for me.
When my son was 13 years old, he and his friends gathered in the evening for New Year take a walk, and in their company there was a girl who he really liked. There was an incident inside the company, a fight, and my son came home completely broken, disappointed, I would even say that he was in a state of shock. He began to hysteria about how the world is unfair, it even came to tears, I could not calm him down. I didn’t want to call an ambulance, it was very late, and it was a holiday. I am ashamed to talk about it, I don’t know what came over me then, but when he was lying in tears, I satisfied him orally. This helped, he calmed down and immediately forgot about everything and even thanked me. That very night, I scolded myself a lot for what I had done. It's been a couple of weeks and it has surfaced. He himself began to ask me about it, and reminding me how magically it worked that time. At that time, I did not think that some kind of problem would grow out of this, because this is an ordinary blowjob. In general, for several years I had to "calm" him like this. It was before going to school, lyceum. Everything would be fine if not for his growing up, now he is 19. Our relationship, of course, is changing, he has become ruder and, how should you say it, vulgar or something. If earlier he delicately asked me about it, then lately he can just come up to me when I watch TV, take off my pants and grab my neck and pull me down. If earlier we agreed and he ended up in a napkin, now, without asking, he does it right into me. He also unleashes his nervous stresses on me, and everything turns from classics into some kind of rough fucking of my mouth. Please excuse me for such details. But he is a good guy, he treats me very well, but there are such bzyki. I feel very bad about it, I feel very bad. Please advise what options I have at the moment, how to stop all this?
Katherine, Tashkent, Uzbekistan, 43 years old
Hello Katherine.
The fight incident is irrelevant. You just used it to seduce your son. And you also start the letter with the fact that it "takes an unpleasant look for YOU." And not at all from the realization of what you did with your child, what damage you caused to his psyche. There should be no sexual relations between parent and child. Never. Under no circumstances. With no desires, thoughts, needs, interests. Incestual relationships (incest) destroy the relationship with the parent and lead the child/teenager to shame, despair, emptiness, depression, fear of retribution/punishment is formed, because he perceives himself as guilty of the situation, dissociative symptoms develop as a defense mechanism, confusion in reality occurring, an affective disorder when strong emotions (aggression) or repression intrude, sexual dysfunctions (his sexuality did not develop naturally within boundaries, you violated that), somatoform disorders. You write: "It makes me very uncomfortable, I feel very bad." You think only of yourself in such a perverted and cruel format in relation to your own child. You keep thinking about how you feel good. You must leave/leave/shield yourself from your son by first referring him to a psychiatrist/psychotherapist/psychologist.
Sincerely, Lipkina Arina Yurievna.
Child's age: 6
The eldest son brings me to scream and tears
We have had a new addition to our family for a little over a year. It seemed to me that the eldest son was not jealous, because. just played and was glad that he was not touched, from help in caring for younger brother does not refuse, but there are tantrums, stubbornness, tearfulness, importunity, and all the worst that can be listed. I try to explain that we should take care of the brother, that the older brother should be an example in everything, in general, brings me, and I him ((Tell me how to behave correctly, sometimes I can’t restrain myself from screaming, my son seems to be waiting for this from me , and then I myself sob from helplessness.
Svetlana
Svetlana, hello.
There is not a single sign in your letter that the elder is jealous. Perhaps an example is required, but so far I do not see jealousy. I see your fatigue and rejection of socially unaccepted emotions from the eldest son.
I draw your attention to the fact that the older child does not "should take care and be an example." These are the functions of parents. The older child is also a child and should not be held responsible. Involve him in the care of the younger not out of obligation, but simply because you need help. Praise the boy, encourage him, be proud of him and be sure to turn him to how he himself is pleased to be needed and important. Otherwise, he will feel an unbearable burden (responsibility for the younger), which can break him.
By the way, such an emotional background can be caused precisely by the fact that the boy resists the role of an “example” assigned to him for the younger. That is why (and not only) it is worth respecting the emotional background of the child. Support him, help him cope with his feelings. To do this, you first need to name them, realize them, and then, together with the child, figure out what can be done with it: draw and throw it away, shout, etc. You need it to the same degree.
Holding back is not the most effective way. On the contrary, it leads to breakdowns. The thing is that any emotion must have its way out. It can be a sublimation into creativity, sports, cleaning, or it can look like a direct reaction, such as a scream. Obviously, it's okay to be angry. It remains only to learn not to vent your feelings on the child, but to learn an environmentally friendly way to respond. For example, if you are angry, tell your child how you feel now, why this happened (without blaming the child), and then growl loudly. Fix your attention on the vibration. This will not scare the baby and teach him to do the same.
Another important point. Get the focus back on yourself. Ask yourself questions often: What are you doing now? What do you want to do? What do you feel? Why? This will teach you to be attentive to yourself and not to confuse your fatigue with the stubbornness of a child, for example. Watch your daily routine, nutrition. The lack of some trace elements entails a low resistance to stress. The stress hormone can be eliminated through exercise, sex, sleep, and through tears. Spend at least half an hour a day doing what you enjoy. Even if it doesn't do any good. And the immaturity of children's reactions and stubbornness will be much easier to accept.
Olga Dorokhova,
psychologist of the site "I am a parent"
Hello. I am 26 years old, I have a daughter, she is 1 year and 1 month old. I'm already crazy about her - it's just a fiend. Before her birth, of course, I understood that there would be many difficulties with the child, but for such ... She constantly brings me to tears, she yells, freaks out all day, does not want to eat, sleep, or play, it is impossible to occupy her with anything , she just rushes about, climbs everywhere, she simply doesn’t react to my comments and attempts to distract or occupy her. If she sees that I’m starting to get angry, it only encourages her, it all ends up with me yelling at her, hitting less often. I tried to ignore her behavior - she starts to do everything to spite me with redoubled energy, I can withstand a maximum of two days, then I break down, spank. She cries and I cry, I'm a bad mother. no one helps me raise her. Grandparents only pamper, they allow her everything, the husband sees his daughter only in the evening and then he doesn’t really care about her, the rest of the time I’m with her. I can't take it anymore, for good she doesn't understand. I understand that beating is not an option, but she just doesn’t calm down in any other way. I begin to realize that I stopped loving my daughter, she began to annoy me, I want to give her to my grandmother and breathe easy. What should I do? How to deal with my daughter's quirks and suppress my irritation, because she constantly brings me to tears?
Hello Irina! let's see what's going on:
I'm already crazy about her - it's just a fiend
She constantly brings me to tears, all day she screams, freaks out, does not want to eat, sleep or play, it is impossible to occupy her with anything, she just rushes about, climbs everywhere, she simply does not respond to my comments and attempts to distract or occupy her reacts.
If she sees that I'm starting to get angry - it only incites her, it all ends with the fact that I can yell at her, hit her less often
You shift responsibility FOR YOUR feelings, thoughts and actions ONTO YOUR DAUGHTER - making her a shield, accusing her of SHE controls YOU - and she is just a child who needs a MOTHER nearby, who CAN BE ADULT and WHO CAN protect her. She sees that you are the same confused child next to her, who is not confident in herself and does not know how to cope with the situation, waiting for SHE to do something. She sees in you a CHILD with whom you can play, cause some reactions in him. You need to take responsibility for your feelings, for your emotions. YOU are a mother and it is your responsibility - grandparents and SHOULD NOT educate - they are NOT PARENTS. You need to work with yourself so that you can feel confident next to your child - realize YOURSELF THAT ADULT who can protect her daughter, who can control her, and not get lost in front of her tears. She already gets used to your behavior and reactions and knows how to bring you to certain emotions - you let the child control you. When you hold on and choose a more constructive behavior, she resorts to the usual stereotype of behavior, if it doesn’t work, she simply strengthens it and in the end you give up. You DO NOT GO GOOD NOT with your daughter, but WITH YOURSELF! You beat and yell at her, BUT the source of your feelings is NOT IN HER but in yourself - in YOUR helplessness, confusion, you get angry and take it out on your daughter - and this is your attitude towards yourself - you need to learn to leave it to yourself. Now you are not creating a safe atmosphere for your daughter, you need to contact a psychologist in person, sort out your feelings, states, sort out positions, learn to take a more mature position next to your daughter and become an ADULT, stop being an offended child. Then you will be comfortable with your daughter, you will be able to realize that you have GROWN and CAN take care and give protection to your child - this is hard work and work ONLY FROM YOUR side - NOT YOUR DAUGHTER needs to be changed and blamed, but you SHOULD work on yourself!
Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow
Good answer 1 bad answer 4Good day, Irina!
Let's start with the fact that the daughter can not bring you. She is an innocent child and behaves naturally. This is you bringing yourself up. I wonder why?
Did you consciously give birth to this girl, do you have a good relationship with her father? These are questions that would be important to clarify.
Further, it is not clear, but what do you want from her? For her to sit in one place like a doll? What does it mean to be "calm"? The child must explore the world, this is an integral part of his development, she must climb everywhere and EXPLORE everything. It's good that she is such a normal healthy child. And in one place a year and 1 month, quietly, sitting or even worse, lying - children with mental disabilities.
Have you read, Irina, about the development of a child at different ages?
It seems that you have uncovered childhood traumas that you project onto your child. You see a monster in a little girl who torments you. But in reality, you torture yourself and fall out of the maternal position, and fall into some kind of fear.
What is happening needs to be dealt with with a psychologist, and this is not one meeting. You need to work through childhood trauma and "grow up."
Alla Chugueva, systemic family psychotherapist, Moscow or skype.
Good answer 7 bad answer 3 
Irina, hello!
It is not she who drives you, but you choose to react to it in such a way, without realizing what you are doing, for what and with what consequences. All that your baby needs now is your love, attention, sensitivity, care ... But it seems that you are very difficult with yourself. What is the difficulty? And blaming yourself or her, you definitely do not change anything for the better. It is important to see that your daughter is too young to understand what she is doing and how it affects you. Her behavior is more a consequence of how you feel. The easiest way is to de-commit yourself and say "I can't, I can't handle it." It is important for you to learn, not to wait for outside help, but to look for resources in yourself. For something to change on the outside, you have to start on the inside. And you need to start with yourself. I will be glad to help you.
Miklashevich Zlata Nikolaevna, psychologist Moscow
Good answer 4 bad answer 2Hello. Irina. A small child opens the world. She is now free in her feelings, and you will give birth to a mentally healthy child. You will make her like this - you will greatly underestimate the self-esteem of the child. And she will go through life with a feeling of acute inferiority. A loving mother will not allow this and will create conditions for the APPROVAL of the child, and not criticism and humiliation. Therefore, choose what kind of person you want to raise her. For now what you are doing is a dangerous approach leading to complexes and longing for your daughter. Learn the rules of upbringing and restrain yourself. It is better to get a live consultation.
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist of the psychoanalytic school Volgograd
Good answer 4 bad answer 0 
Irina, you yourself need help. Otherwise, you will not be able to help your daughter. The daughter most likely has a birth trauma and the hyperactivity associated with it. Believe me, she behaves this way, not because she is trying to bring you down, but because she is very ill.
But to cope with such a child, you need to have a certain wisdom and calm character. You obviously don't get it.
Look for a good psychologist in your city who can help you learn to deal with your emotions. I would go to a specialist who is proficient in the DXP method and/or works in the tradition of transactional analysis. If you can't find one, at least contact me via Skype. It is very important.
Secondly, the girl is really problematic and she will need much more of your attention and your participation. Here are some suggestions for you.
1. In D. Amen's book "A Great Brain at Any Age" there is a whole section devoted to ADHD and Naturopathic methods of its correction. It will be useful for you to know this.
2. Look on the Internet for Harvey Karp's "Your Happy Baby" and "Daughters and Sons II" videos - there are some very helpful tips.
3. You need to not just read, but thoroughly study Ross Greene's book "The Explosive Child" - it will be useful to you for many years to come.
4. Go to this site and download the manual for parents there. It also has some interesting ideas. Here is the link - http://shkola-roditelei.blogspot.ru/p/blog-page_22.html
It can be summarized as follows. Hold on. Your daughter is not well and she needs your help and understanding. But you can help her only if you first take care of your own emotional state.
Yes, even if there is such an opportunity, take your daughter to classes with a good neuropsychologist who is engaged in neuropsychological rehabilitation with young children. Or to a specialist in body-oriented therapy, or to a kinesiotherapist or an osteopath. Who will you find. If only the specialist was good and had experience working with young children.
Goloshchapov Andrey Viktorovich, psychologist Saratov
Good answer 7 bad answer 0Mar 05 2016
Alena Averina
Hello! My name is Anna, my son is 2 years old.
The child is active, energetic, but very capricious. He cries a lot from birth, the midwife told me back in the maternity hospital that "he will show you at home, this quiet one." That's exactly what happened.
I refused to breastfeed at 2 months and I pumped until 9 months, fed from a bottle with a nipple only breast milk.
He still eats at night and sucks on a pacifier. I give a good mixture, but dilute it heavily to gradually wean it off. But so far to no avail - he consistently eats 2-3 times at night from a bottle with a nipple. The pacifier is our salvation. When he is naughty, he takes it and calms down.
Our teeth went in 12 months, so far only 12.
We don't go to the garden. In development, too, since there are no vaccinations.
So far, only "mother" is saying well, "give", "yes", "no". The word "dad" does not say, although he said a couple of times.
He doesn’t go to the potty yet, we use diapers.
In general, the boy is smart.
Recently, he does not want to dress outside, he walks barefoot and naked. In general, it is not realistic to dress him: he cries hysterically, dodges. To the question: will you go for a walk, he answers "no". He also does not wear home clothes. It's almost impossible to convince.
If he wants something and he is not given, a terrible tantrum begins. At home there is an endless op of the child. The husband indulges, I do not. But in the end, most often his desires are satisfied.
Please tell me how to cope and find mutual language with such a child?
06 Mar 2016
Hello Anna!
I sympathize, two years is a difficult age ...
Tell me, please, how is the baby's health? What does the neurologist say? Is the reason for refusing vaccinations your choice or are there any medical contraindications?
About family upbringing. It is good if parents have the same position on fundamental issues: what is possible and what is not. Can you tell me if you have an only child? How old are you and your husband? Are you currently on parental leave?
To the question "how to cope" ... Did I understand correctly that your son is excitable, sensitive, stubborn? Please clarify what you mean by "cope" and "find a common language" - what exactly are you not coping with? This behavior is typical for many two-year-old children, and on the other hand, the child is really "difficult". That is, there are no pronounced problems, it’s just that the child requires a lot of attention (whims, nightly waking up, potty) and you already want him to outgrow it as soon as possible?
06 Mar 2016
Alena Averina
Thanks for the answer!
I take great care of my child's health. While I avoid closed spaces with kids (garden, clubs), I'm going to get the necessary vaccinations this summer, but only under the supervision of good specialists. Initially, there was a withdrawal from BCG in the maternity hospital, as there was a strong jaundice (due to a conflict of blood types).
Then I didn’t do it, because I wasn’t ready, I was afraid. Now I have come to the conclusion that this is necessary (for the garden and communication), but I will approach it wisely. The neurologist last looked a year ago.
My husband and I have the only child so far, but I am now in a position (1st trimester). I gave birth at 35, now I am almost 37, my husband is 39. Unfortunately, my husband and I have different positions in education: I try to be strict , I keep my promises, and the husband works very hard and spends a minimum of time with the child, tries to indulge him in everything and can give, for example, raw smoked sausage to the child, if only he does not cry.
The child is sensitive, excitable, very stubborn. If he asked for something and was refused, he may fall to the floor and there will be a tantrum. If he does not want to dress, then even my husband and I cannot dress him, this is hysterical. Sometimes I can't stand it, I start raising my voice and I can spank him on the pope. But in the end it doesn't help. He dictates conditions to us and it is almost impossible to persuade or convince him.
The most important thing for me is to understand how not to harm or turn him into a "difficult" child? Is it possible to scold or is now the time when you just need to do as he wants? The child screams endlessly, and there is no such thing that it is without any meaning. He wants attention, he wants to get what he wants.
I would also like to understand about the pacifier and night feeding, is this normal? Now weaning from the pacifier is not possible, because sometimes this is the only thing that can calm him down.
I don't work. The child does not see grandmothers, relatives, only me and my husband.
09 Mar 2016
Hello Anna!
Such behavior, whims, tantrums, may have some kind of organic basis, that is, subtle health problems, according to the description, it is difficult for me to guess whether there is something like that or not, and I am not a doctor. If I'm not mistaken, by the age of 3, a child should undergo a medical examination, including visiting a neurologist - use this to ask a question about excitability, capriciousness, sensitivity, and the difficulties of potty training. If there are any medical problems, then they need to be corrected; without this, psychological work will not be very effective. If not, well, thank God.
It can also be a feature of temperament. Are you and your husband like your son in terms of excitability, sensitivity, or are you rather phlegmatic? If this is such a temperament, then you can’t really do anything with it, you have to adapt and use your strengths (and there are a lot of them).
And, finally, the peculiarities of upbringing, family relationships, and the like can be superimposed on all this - this is exactly what the psychologist deals with, and I will dwell on this in more detail.
At 2 years old, on the one hand, constancy, the predictability of the world, stable boundaries are important for a child - this is how the child feels safe.
On the other hand, a personality is already beginning to awaken in him, he understands that he has his own desires, and begins to assert himself through the word "no". And test the boundaries you set for strength.
On the third hand, he remains a small child who needs adults to manage him, make decisions and bear responsibility for him.
And if we compare this with what you write, then I can assume that the son lacks benevolent firmness, stability of boundaries. He tries to command you, but he cannot cope with such a load.
Why do you (I mean both of you, you and your husband) have trouble setting boundaries? It may be difficult for you personally to combine, let's call it that, the "mother" role - this is unconditional love, understanding and forgiveness, with, relatively speaking, the "father" role - to establish rules, laws and teach them. In addition, you are simply tired of being around the clock with a child, and even such a varmint. And your husband may not be up to it at all with his busy work schedule.
What to do? Still, determine with your husband what you will insist on, what rules for your son (and all family members). Let them be few, but they must be solid.
Here, probably, the most difficult thing is to agree with her husband ... He can be understood, because he wants to relax after work, and not establish rules of conduct.
Try to make the environment around the child as predictable, simple and understandable as possible.
And yet, it seemed to me that you are a responsible mother and ... a little anxious. This is quite natural for women who have become mothers at a not very young age. But the baby can perceive this anxiety with the "spinal cord" and also get nervous because of this. If the assumption about your anxiety "responds" to you, then you can talk about it.
So, once again I will put together all the recommendations.
1. Rule out the possibility of neurological disorders.
2. Don't let your child boss you around. You are the parents, you make the rules.
3. Let these rules be few, only what is really necessary. But if possible, do not retreat from them.
4. For the rest, let your son show his will.
5. Try to find a common line in education with your husband. Perhaps you will cancel some of your demands, and he will come to the conclusion that you need to be firmer.
6. If you feel that you are too worried about your son, deal with this feeling so as not to "infect" your baby with it.
Patience to you :)
Mar 10 2016
Alena Averina
Thank you for the answer!
My husband and I are temperamental people, quick-tempered. We often quarrel at home and not infrequently insult each other in front of a child. Fatigue and my “driven out” are affecting. Now we are working on relationships, since we have already reached the point of talking about a divorce. How traumatic is this for a child? He does not react in any way during quarrels, remains calm outwardly.
Yes, as far as my anxiety is concerned, it is exactly that. I am responsible and anxious at the same time. I am afraid of the most unforeseen reactions to invasive intervention, for example, anaphylactic shock. I'm afraid of vasoconstrictors and I can stay up half the night watching the child's reaction to these drops. I am afraid that I will not be able to act adequately and I will succumb to hysteria, fear that I will not be able to quickly orient myself and help. My fears turned into obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is hard to live with. But I try to help myself.
Yesterday I hardly dressed the child for a walk, he cried and I dressed him forcibly, since he did not walk for 2 days. But going out into the street, after half an hour he took off his hat and I had to take him home, because it was impossible to put it back on or at least the hood. It is impossible to persuade, this is a categorical "no".
What to do if it is impossible to act against his will, to dress by force?
Mar 15 2016
Good afternoon, Anna!
In relationships with children, as in any other, sometimes we have to face the fact that all our efforts are in vain. The child does not want to go for a walk. Here you need to decide how important it is for you that he still walks, and what "measures of influence" you are ready to apply. Sometimes you just have to come to terms with the fact that a child is a different person, he may not want something, become stubborn, and we cannot do anything about it by some acceptable methods.
There are no ready-made recipes, education is the art of walking the line, finding a balance, improvising, listening to the situation. Stand your ground or let go? When to revise the once established rules? It depends on your views, values, your character.
In itself, the fact that the baby has not walked for two days is not scary. But then the chorus of "inner voices" enters, which say ... what? Maybe “spoiled the child, oh, she doesn’t obey”, or “God, I should go out for a walk myself, I’m already going crazy here in four walls”, or “the child is supposed to walk every day, and I, such and such a mother - not at home, I do not provide him with the satisfaction of his needs, "etc.
Listen to yourself, what do you worry about when the child does not obey?
Mar 15 2016
Natalia1970
Hello. Alyona.
Sorry. that I am clinging.
Just a very similar situation was with my daughter-in-law or whatever my brother's wife is called. Their son at two years old was an exact copy of your baby. It seemed to me then that they unnecessarily indulged all the whims of their child. He literally forced his parents to do as he wants with screams and tantrums. My husband and I looked at each other in bewilderment, and relatives climbed with advice. I shrugged my shoulders when the daughter-in-law inquiringly called for help. I just did not know what to do ... In the end, everything was resolved. As they say, no matter what the child amuses, if only he does not cry. We decided that since the little man has a bad character, then we have nothing to spoil our nerves. And, you know, he outgrew that moment. Now he is already six and no one can believe that this is the same capricious that he was before. Sorry again. This is not advice ... It's just a replica ... And, I wish you health and patience. Everything will be fine.
Mar 15 2016
Well, yes, two years is the age of stubbornness. A personality hatches and this personality tries to turn everything in its own way :) This crisis will pass, and the child will again become more or less obedient. The main thing is for parents to survive this age)
Mar 16 2016
Alena Averina
Thank you for your participation, Natalia 1970! I'll wait for it to grow!
Catherine, thank you very much for your comments. I got the gist.
Mar 18 2016
Elena.
Alena Averina, good afternoon. When psychologists gave their recommendations, I really want to tell you how it was with us. Because we were all the same.
I gave birth at 34 and this is my first child, so I understand you very well)
You are just as anxious as me. I was afraid of everything, but Mom, something must be done with these. I'll tell you exactly what you think - it will be. And you need to - first of all, overcome your fears, become calmer. We have psychologists for fears (contact them). You know that a calm mother is a calm baby)
Ekaterina said everything correctly that it is necessary to negotiate with her husband (only not with a child) Smoked sausage is the most harmful harm for a baby. Let him read its composition or just go to the pediatrician and ask everything about nutrition) Dads are like that. In most cases, they do not bother with food, dressing, and so on) Discuss with your husband what is wrong and what is wrong. Find a compromise
Neurologist visits are essential. Does your son fall asleep with his fists clenched?
We started talking short phrases only at 2.6. My son refused to dress too, from infancy and now he is 6 years old. Dressing is a problem for him. But! I no longer treat this problem as anxiously as you do now)
How I dressed the child for a walk:
1. If your baby walks naked, then look for positive advantages in this. I have a friend who has been wearing shorts and a T-shirt at home since the age of 1. From the age of 2 he has never been sick! At the same time, he visits kindergarten! So consider that you can start a hardening period, if, of course, this is possible in your conditions. Here you can read how to harden a child. Nikitins are specialists in this.
2. Our children do not like anything that fits, squeezes them. These are features of the nervous system. That's how sensitive they are. Instead of tights, you can buy underpants that are not so tight. All sweaters with a neck in the trash. The hat should not be tight. You can buy a hat with a neckline, which, oddly enough, is not as tight as a turtleneck. It's best to give your child a choice.
Shall we go for a walk on this hill or on that one? To this one? Then what pants are you going to wear? These or those? These. Fine. We dress. What about a hat? And so on.
My son was hysterical so that it was heard at the other end of Moscow. I was also very worried. But then I learned to be calm.
I now do not respond to the whims of the child, if it does not hurt, is not dangerous or the child is not hungry. In other cases, I take my son out the door and hysteria as much as you want. The same applies to the street and shops. We respond to crying only when necessary. The son must understand that he will not achieve anything by hysteria, but it takes time to set boundaries. And do not worry that other people are looking at you and thinking something there. These people cannot live with you .. If you indulge him, then it will be more difficult to cope. I also bought him a ball, a big one on which he can take out his anger. Beat him. Kick. Children also have the right to be angry and in a bad mood.
Just imagine always the situation. Here you sit and play, but then a giant comes who wants to stuff you into an uncomfortable suit, feed you when you don’t want to. Wouldn't you like it? So the child does not like it, but how can he express his opinion, if not hysterically? Indeed, at 2 years old, he still does not speak, but he wants so much and just as much is impossible.
And it’s better not to forbid, but say that you can)
Only yesterday was the situation. I bought a kinder for my son and offered to eat it at home, because it’s ugly on the street and you can drop it, but my son chose to eat it now, because it takes so long to get home and .. He dropped it. The hysteria began. I sympathized with him, “actively listened”, but I didn’t buy a new Kinder, because he must answer for his choice himself. In the evening, of course, we discussed this situation.
Take care of yourself and your nervous system) A healthy mother is a healthy baby)
And love will fix everything. This is the hardest thing to hug and tell the baby when he is angry and furious and tell him that you love him anyway)
