In our time, a second marriage is not uncommon. Women treat him more responsibly than the first, so as not to repeat the mistakes made. But the question arises, what to marry again, whether it is necessary to wear a beautiful dress and arrange a chic ceremony.
If you believe the beliefs, then our grandmothers, great-grandmothers, etc. did not have the right to wear a white dress and veil for a second marriage. After all, they were considered a symbol of purity. But times change and so do traditions. Modern brides, regardless of the number of marriages, choose original outfits. They can be either white or in different shades.
Each woman decides for herself what outfit to choose.
But the main idea is that no matter what dress the bride marries for the second time - bright red or the color of baked milk, it is important that she be happy at that moment.
A second marriage is a great chance to realize your unfulfilled dreams. White dress for the second marriage, the bride wears at will. Here are some examples of similar options for outfits that are suitable for a celebration:
If a woman after 30 thinks that a beautiful outfit for remarriage is not necessary and the age is not the same, then she is deeply mistaken. For any age, no matter how old the bride is, 20 or 50, you need to choose an original dress. The future wife will have not only a stunning appearance, but also beautiful photos. Here are some examples of formal dresses for adult brides:
Choose an outfit based on the features of the figure, and not on age, so that it would be comfortable and easy. A second marriage is another reason to feel the happiest, so don't be afraid to experiment. If you really want to wear a white dress and veil, then wear it. Signs, let them remain in the past. The main thing is good mood and love.
They say that the wise idea that the second time is worse than the first belongs to skydivers. According to our observations, women could well come to this conclusion,
once already married.
Rejected
What excuses you will not hear from the "broken divorcees" in a conversation about the possibility of a new marriage! "I've been there before - I didn't like it"; “I just pushed the first one out, give me a little rest”; “Schi-borscht, socks-shirts? Thank you, I jumped on, ”these are just a few examples of explanations for your unwillingness to try again to build a family nest. Serious and sane formulations are also not encouraging. More than half of the respondents are inclined towards relationships without obligations, the rest completely put an end to themselves - they change priorities towards a career and raising children. Psychologists identify several main problems associated with trying to arrange a personal life after an unsuccessful first marriage:
Uncertainty about success
Divorce does not add points to personal self-esteem, and there is simply no strength and desire to understand what caused the gap.
child question
“My child has a father. Even though he doesn’t live with us, I just can’t imagine how a man he doesn’t know moves in with us and takes his father’s place next to me.” This is how many divorced mothers think.
emotional fatigue
To the girlish imagination, the first marriage appears in a romantic light, but an experienced woman knows that the family is work. The need to make an effort, to “get back to the machine” again, whether it’s the notorious stove with pans or conditional work on oneself and on maintaining relationships – all this discourages getting married again.
Don't try to repeat
“Obviously, a woman who has already been married loses a huge number of illusions,” comments Natalia Hauser, psychotherapist, specialist at the Medinterswiss clinic. - She knows that living together- this is not only an opportunity to constantly be together, but also a large number of responsibilities, routines, divergent views, painful discussions of joint plans, family budget and other things. Why is all this needed a second time? This question is not so easy to answer. That is why many women who once tasted joys and sorrows family life, no longer strive not only to create a new family, but also to start more or less serious novels, fearing that new relationships will be like two drops of water similar to the old ones.
But instead of being afraid to bind yourself with obligations, it is quite possible to build new relationships by correctly evaluating the previous ones. To begin with, we need to be more clear about what is absolutely necessary, what is unimportant, and what is unacceptable. Understanding exactly what kind of person you want to see next to you greatly increases the chances of making the second time more successful and durable. The fear of building a failed relationship again in another marriage is not unfounded. “The second family is often created according to a familiar model,” comments psychologist Irina Savenkova. - In such cases, the well-known “all men are the same” is said, despite the fact that the second husband can just be the complete antipode of the first. Woman provokes different men for the same responses. There are even such concepts as, for example, “the potential wife of an alcoholic”. With such a wife, any man runs the risk of getting drunk - she makes such a strong emphasis every day on the fact that you can’t drink, at the same time she herself brings him to the desire to get drunk and forget.
If you can understand what wrong incentives you give men, forcing them to behave differently than you like, the reaction will change. Stop sawing for lack of money - stop getting in response: "Oh, so? Then I won't give you anything at all." Stop playing the rabbit victim, and the male boas will disappear from your life.
With new happiness
Each of us has the right to arrange personal life at our own discretion. It is hardly worth imposing one or another solution to the issue on yourself if you are not mentally ready for this. Among the mistakes made already in the second marriage, one of the first places belongs precisely to the zeal to find a father for the children as soon as possible, instead of finding a husband for themselves. Or, for example, jump out to marry an unloved, but serious and organized, since the first was a womanizer and a klutz; in psychology, this effect is called the pendulum principle. However, if you honestly admit to yourself that a family is something without which you do not feel happy, the following rules will help dispel doubts and fears before entering into a second marriage.
Some may wonder - is it really this question: "Is it possible to get married a second time?" - worries many women? After all, marriage itself is a problem for some. But in fact, the expression of my wise grandmother “to get married does not attack, if only you are not married to the abyss” has the most relevant meaning. This article is for girls and women of any age!
Who of us married for love or even for convenience (the calculation is not necessarily expressed in money) and could not protect ourselves from divorce often feels the bitterness of disappointment in the institution of marriage as a whole. And in vain! You need to overcome the fear of past failures. As a friend of mine used to say - you need to get married as many times as they offer! And only strong women are capable of such feats!
Many of us have experienced all sorts of crises in relationships with men. At first they (men) strenuously wooed us, beautifully led us to the wedding, and then after a couple of - three years they suddenly took off a little higher (with our loving support!) And oh my! Well, of course, somehow we are no longer approaching the flight of their imagination. Namely, this is how men behave, who did not initially love with all their hearts. Well, it's good that fate, albeit in such a cruel way, separates these short-lived couples of ours.
And every optimist of our female sex will sooner or later ask himself the question - is it possible to get married a second time? How realistic is this? The answer is really simple. Of course yes! And at any age and with any number of children. The most important thing is our personal firm desire! And for this you need to let go of past relationships and not be afraid of change.
No matter how long your first marriage lasted, you already know what and how it really is. Family life is not only a question - "Who will wash the dishes?" It is also to see each other in ordinary life. You're without makeup and your stomach hurts. He has an unshaven face and is angry at quitting smoking for you. You have already digested these moments and treat them naturally, without fanaticism. This is life and you already know.
Whatever happened during courtship, marriage, and even during parting, your husband (already ex) was definitely pleased. Because you, during this joint period of your life, learned to cook his favorite dishes and get along with his relatives. Not to mention somersaults in bed! Now at least you are more experienced than in your first marriage, and now it is up to you to decide how to use this experience and for whom to apply it.
Now you understand that the phrase from fairy tales is “Happy ending. They merried!" means just the beginning. The beginning of life in the family and everything connected with it. Trust, loyalty, openness and honesty in relationships have become of great importance to you. You want to feel that you and your personality, see admiration in his eyes and also be proud of him in front of your surroundings. One of the signs of a successful marriage is the willingness to adapt to each other (rather than redo it again). You appreciate the mutual desire to show feelings, tenderness, care as a sign of marital maturity.
To understand yourself and gain the courage to remarry, answer honestly to 12 questions and evaluate the result.
This test shows how attached you are to your past husband. INChoose one of the options - A, B, C.
1. Are you in any relationship with your ex-husband?
2. How would you describe the feelings and sensations you get when you think about your ex-partner?
3. Do you think about the appearance of a new man in your life?
4. How do you see life without an ex-partner?
5. When you imagine his life without you...
6. Thinking about your ex having a different...
7. What events preceded your separation?
8. Do you have a desire to take revenge on an ex-man?
9. You broke up because...
10. What do you do now in your free time?
11. How do you evaluate the segment of life in which your ex was the main character?
12. To be honest, you would like your ex to:
Count what answers do you have more?
More than A - AND NOT TOGETHER AND NOT SEPARATE
Perhaps your romance is over, but only formally. . You try to save the relationship by renaming it to friendship, a new love does not appear or begins to subtly resemble the previous one. In order to finally free yourself from the burden of a past relationship, you need to allow yourself to get angry (because the breakup caused you so much pain) and be sad (the good that was between you has gone too). It is also useful to think about what these relationships taught you, what was their meaning. When you feel some gratitude towards your ex for an important part of your life experience, it will mean that you are ready to finally let go of the past and move forward to new love.
More B - THINGS LONG Gone
This novel is finally and irrevocably finished. You have learned all the necessary lessons from the past, that is, with your own hands, you have increased the likelihood that the next relationship will be more successful. Experiencing the pain of parting, you opened up to emotions and, in spite of everything, managed to keep in your heart and not devalue the good that undoubtedly was. A man, without whom until recently it was impossible to imagine the future, now lives his own life. And you are able to sincerely wish him happiness, without you. You have learned to rely on your inner resources in a difficult situation. It will certainly pay off in a new relationship that you are ready for and may have already begun.
More B - LOVE ADDICTION
You are in the power of emotions - resentment, guilt, jealousy, anger. It is difficult for you to control yourself, it is difficult to look at the situation from the outside. The former partner today seems to be an absolute ideal, and tomorrow - a hated scoundrel. Perhaps you are tormented by the desire to fix everything, to give your relationship another chance. Or, on the contrary, you are trying to erase everything connected with this man from your memory. In other words, you can't be called a free person. Right now, you are a hostage to your feelings. This state of affairs can last for quite some time. This is a sign that you are trying to avoid the realization of the fact of loss, which is likely to bring pain. But until you admit to yourself that everything is over, until you stop running away from reality, you will be dependent and unhappy. and try to understand: parting is a fait accompli. For support, contact your loved ones or a psychologist.
If, as a result of an honest dialogue with yourself, you have the vast majority of “B” answers and almost no “A” slips (and there are no “C” answers at all!) - it means that you have already said goodbye to an unsuccessful past!
This is already half the battle - the main half! Having let go of past grievances, a person is ready for a new relationship, this is a natural life process. And if you really like to “be with your husband” (yes, for your husband!), A worthy man is just around the corner. Don't miss it! Good luck!
Hello dear readers of the blog Samprosvetbulletin!
“I’m going to get married a second time, but I’m afraid to step on the same rake when in a past relationship I pulled everything on myself. Now I try to relax more and be calmer about everything. When I do this, relationships become better and happier. But this habit of taking on all the worries sometimes manifests itself. In my last marriage, I spoiled my ex-husband and he began to wipe his feet on me. After the divorce, she decided not to marry again. And here I am again preparing for the wedding ... How to set myself up correctly so that everything is successful the second time? Marina writes.
“I'm getting married a second time. The first marriage lasted only a few months, they quickly entered into a close relationship, a month later an offer and another 4 months later a wedding, then a divorce. Now again, everything quickly spun for me, we have known each other for 6 months and have already decided to get married. I began to doubt, maybe I'm in a hurry, I need to give myself time. I'm afraid to step on the same rake again as in my first marriage. I don’t know what to do now, postpone the wedding or everything will be fine?- asks Natalia.
For information on why relationships with a loved one can change after marriage, see →.
There are two big mistakes that women who remarry make:
Divorce is also after which you need to recover. Everyone needs their own time to get rid of the past.
Divorce is experienced in the following stages:
Each stage must be experienced. If we skip one of them, drowning out our feelings by fleeing into a new love, work, bad habits: overeating, alcohol, other abuses, then in the end we will doom ourselves to an unexpected return to an unexperienced stage. This approach only confuses more in experiences and psychological problems.
Only when life, opinion, attitude towards you is yours ex-spouse will be indifferent to you, then we can say that you have experienced a divorce and are ready for a new love. The same applies to the man.
Entering into a second marriage, many are afraid to step on the same rake. I often receive letters in which women tell me that they have begun to notice that they have chosen a man for a second marriage with the same shortcomings as the first husband.
In fact, this is not uncommon. After all, our personality and character traits remained the same. If a woman in her first marriage was afraid to tell a man about her needs, completely focused on him, forgetting about her interests, then in the next relationship she will behave in exactly the same way and, thereby, will attract a type who loves to use others.
In order not to repeat past mistakes, it is necessary to analyze:
We can unconsciously adopt the model of family behavior of the parental family.
Ask yourself if your story repeats the problems your parents had?
Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. In the first column, write down your parents' family problems, in the second, your problems in a previous marriage.
It is useful to analyze the experience of parents and benefit from it, overcoming their own problems. What matters is not what experience you have taken from the parental family, but how you will use it.
Divorce is the ultimate solution to family conflicts. But, sometimes, it is thanks to divorce that a person realizes that he needs to change his ideas about himself, the opposite sex, relationships.
Most often, the cause of divorce is psychological incompatibility and lack of mutual understanding. These or those qualities of the spouses created tension in the relationship, which eventually grew into misunderstanding and conflicts. Therefore, it is important for a second marriage to choose a chosen one with qualities that suit you.
Research shows that people in remarriage choose a partner with a personality similar to their former spouse. And all because the choice of the chosen one is based on problems and needs that we are not always aware of.
Ask yourself questions:
It happens that women are attracted to such qualities in men as adventurism, spontaneity, dominance, power or other, but these qualities will create problems in relationships.
Perhaps, with an eye on your experience, it's time to reconsider your views on men?
Perhaps, in fact, for a happy relationship, you need a man of a completely different plan?
In a new relationship, write everything from scratch, do not apply your old attitudes and requirements.
Understand why the old family broke up. Look at your past relationship model that didn’t work, consider its flaws, and don’t carry it over into a new relationship. The biggest mistake is to build a new marriage on the model of the past.
Ask yourself questions:
Remember that every person has flaws and virtues. Often, when women see flaws in their second husband that resemble the flaws of the former, they immediately lose heart, get annoyed and transfer their negative experiences from the past to the new partner. And this does not help to find an acceptable compromise.
Often in a relationship, we involuntarily begin to focus on some negative traits of a man’s character or on some of his behavior that offends us, and stop seeing positive qualities. We see only the problem, the negative, we don’t know how to behave correctly when something hurts us, hurts us, when misunderstanding arises.
For information on how to correctly correct emerging misunderstandings and resolve conflicts, see my A step by step guide on how to overcome relationship conflicts. In this guide, I review for you positive psychotherapy techniques designed to deal with conflict situations in a relationship. Watch the presentation →
Greetings, dear readers!
This article is dedicated to those who are going to tie the knot for the second time. Life is unpredictable and therefore amazing. People meet, fall in love, get married, and many also get divorced.
The lovers are sure that they will live a long and happy life together, but the idyll ends where domestic problems and other family troubles begin.
Times are changing, what was valuable before is not so important now, which is probably why people part completely and irrevocably. After a divorce, life does not end, after a while, many women leave married for the second time.
If you still have feelings for ex-husband, then marrying another person does not make sense. Doing it out of spite, irresponsibly and not far-sighted. First, understand yourself, realize what happened and live without looking back. Men like optimists, it is easy to go through life with them.
When creating a new cell of society, one should forget about the old attitudes and rules. Start with a clean slate, but don't make the same mistakes you made before.
Any family faces temporary difficulties, they need to be experienced. Every person has both disadvantages and advantages. If you love a man, then you will accept him, as they say, with all the giblets. If you are going to get married for the second time, you should get to know your future spouse well so that his shortcomings do not become a reason for breaking off relations.
The advantage of a second marriage is maturity. People who have survived a divorce have a different attitude to everyday problems, they do not dramatize, but solve most issues calmly. Experience, albeit a sad one, will help determine what is important in family life and what is secondary.
As a rule, women in a second marriage are more calm and reserved. Perhaps the habits of the new husband are reminiscent of the past, but people change, and with them the reaction to what is happening. Invaluable life experience will allow you to understand the intricacies of family relationships.
The new husband must accept your child unconditionally. If he has a different opinion on this matter, consider whether it is worth marrying him. You should introduce the future spouse to the children in advance. Watch how he gets along with them, and how the kids perceive him.
They are vulnerable after the divorce of their parents, so a special approach is needed. Do not force children to call someone else's man dad. Let him be best friend or a loved one. Be patient, talk to them about possible changes in life, listen to what they say. Through discussion, you will definitely come to a common denominator.
For well-being in a new family, come up with new rules and traditions. For solving everyday problems, do not forget to arrange family holidays. Get out of the city, spend time with the whole family, and not separately. Lack of shared interests leads to discord in relationships.
A husband will be in seventh heaven with happiness if his woman joins him on a fishing trip or cheers for his favorite football team. This does not mean that you need to dissolve in a partner, on the contrary, you must be versatile developed personality, then interest in you will never be lost.
Starting a new relationship, watch the speech, do not let yourself break into a cry. Of course, anything can happen in family life, but keep such situations to a minimum by using common sense and a little understanding.
As a rule, second marriages are happy. Couples have made conclusions and try not to repeat previous mistakes. Women tend to analyze, so the chances that this time everything will work out are quite high. Men, on the contrary, simplify everything, they rarely think about what has been done, so they often step on the well-known rake.
The development of harmonious relationships is impossible without intimacy. Emotionally attaching a person to yourself is real, the main thing is to diversify your sex life, understand his desires, and talk frankly about your own. The man will be grateful for the initiative.
Get married a second time only when you let go of the past, change your own beliefs, find a person who, with his appearance, makes the world around you better. Recommend this material to your friends on social networks, because no one knows what will happen tomorrow, our job is to stay happy today.
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