This topic is not new for a long time: the husband leaves the family where two, and sometimes more children grow up. The worst situation is when they are very small. Along with the fact that it is difficult to endure psychologically, a single mother must think about where to get money to provide for herself and her children. Even if the so-called father assures that he did not leave anyone, and guarantees financial support, all this is not for long and very doubtful. As a rule, the moment comes quite quickly when financial assistance stops. What should a mother do if her husband left with two children? In this article, you will learn how to proceed.
From this article you will learn:
In families, life is different. You often hear that a husband abandoned a pregnant woman with two children or left the family as soon as a child was born, and so on. Examples that were full of many media outlets: the football player Arshavin left his wife and three children, the actor Yevgeny Tsyganov and his wife had seven children, and then he decided to leave. The list of such cases is long, one might even say endless. Why do such situations arise?
Women and men differ from each other not only in appearance. Both those and others adhere to the model of behavior determined by society. Here, a person's own perception of the role assigned to him is of great importance. After all, all people are different, and everyone sets priorities for himself.
It is on these two principles that relations between spouses are built (and collapse). At that moment, when a woman begins to see in her husband not a beloved man, but simply the father of her children, he begins to panic. This state of affairs in the representative of the stronger sex is associated with danger, and he can simply leave.
So that the spouse in the family does not lose his masculine destiny, and the woman does not find herself in a situation where her husband left with two children, it is important not to make some critical mistakes in behavior:
How husbands leave the family, and are they worthy of the title of a man:
If you find yourself in a situation where your husband left with two children, try to assess the situation from the outside and understand what you need. Do you want the man to return to the family, and the children to grow up with their father? Then formulate for yourself the correct line of behavior and stick to it.
First you need to figure out why your husband left and left you with two small children. It will be better if you calmly and sincerely talk to him. After all, the man didn’t just run away, he felt bad. Discuss together how you can improve the situation. And do not postpone the conversation for a long time, because, as a rule, husbands leave the family not just on the street, but to their mistress.
Because there they can again prove themselves in their main purpose - to be a man and a male.
It is with another woman that your husband will again feel like the performer of his main role - a man. For him it is important and valuable. In the family, he is, first of all, a father, and his main concern is to provide for children, and this is a boring and routine duty (although we are talking about his own children). With a mistress, a man is under the delusion that it is she, unlike you, who understands his difficulties. She, by the way, will inspire him that it is quite possible to take care of children from the outside, sometimes meet and help financially. By the way, the financial support of the abandoned family is a serious issue, and this should be discussed in more detail.
It is clear that if a husband left you with two children, he no longer takes a constant part in their lives, does not see the daily needs that will certainly grow. All this becomes a matter of concern for the abandoned mother, because the children live and grow up before her eyes. There is a large category of men who behave especially unpleasantly in such a situation: they not only leave their families, but are also very afraid that ex-wife will spend for his own needs at least a penny of the money allocated by the father for the maintenance of children. Such an egoist is more likely to give less, knowing that this is not enough, than to be tormented by thoughts that the ex-spouse spent part of the money on herself. A normal man, if he leaves the family, will leave everything to the children and will try to provide for them.
The practice of drawing up marriage contracts is, unfortunately, not very common. Although this would help the woman to stay "afloat" in the case when her husband left with two children. Some payments are provided by the state for the maintenance of a child, but they are very insignificant.
Child support should never be neglected, even if it is supposed to be a small amount. The next important step is to find a job. If you are on maternity leave, try to find at least a small temporary income on the Internet. Or sell some of your own products. It is important not to give up and not panic. There will definitely be a way to earn money to provide for your children.
Find out about benefits that are often available for new moms. Consider returning to work before your maternity leave ends. Perhaps this will turn out to be the best solution: you can earn normal money, pay for babysitting services, adequately provide for yourself and your children. At the same time, build a career.
If your separation was preceded by a period of violent quarrels and scandalous showdowns, then do not rush to return the man. After all, both of you will remember that your husband left you with two small children, and this can leave an imprint on the feelings of each. It is unlikely that after this a good family will turn out, and it is better for children not to see scandals.
How to cope with the departure of a husband:
Let's take men as an example. How can a man raise his self-esteem? For example, if a man grows in career and business, then his self-esteem also grows. He becomes more courageous, more self-confident. Why? Because he understands that the more successful he is, the more valuable he is in principle for many people. And his condition changes from this.
Many girls also resort to this, standing career or business. But it is important to understand, yes, self-esteem from a career or business can also grow higher, but this is not a woman's self-esteem, it is a person's self-esteem. And often a woman can be confident in work, in business, but often rubbish happens in life. And often there is such a dissonance that she is successful in her career and business, but not in relationships. Women are different. A woman's self-esteem is highly dependent on the quality of relationships with men.
This is how the world works. This does not mean that you should creep in front of someone or try. No. This means that you must first establish a relationship with yourself. These are the most important relationships you need to build. And when you fix them, relationships with men will improve. In the meantime, relations with yourself have not been established, you want to manipulate, you want to pretend to be someone you are not, and you attract the same men who pretend to be someone they are not. And you have hard sex with each other in the brain. If this suits you, then continue in the same spirit, if it does not suit you, ask yourself the question more often: what is my plan, what do I really want and what do I do or do not do for this. Am I exactly moving towards my goal and desires, or am I marking time.
Some time after the breakup, the woman will begin to think about how to arrange her personal life. Because every person needs attention and care. The mental anguish of divorce will sooner or later pass, and again you will want to make acquaintances with men, try to build relationships. Do not think that children are an obstacle for this. Many representatives of the stronger sex willingly enter into relationships with ladies who have a child (and not even one). Such women have a better developed sense of responsibility, they know how to take care and clearly understand what they need.
A worthy man will see a reliable companion in a woman, and not a beautiful souvenir. He will appreciate your life experience, will not disregard femininity and the ability to sincerely enjoy life (unless, of course, you lost these qualities when your husband left you with two children) and will be glad to build a common future with you. He will see that you are aiming for a strong happy relationship, and the family comes first for you.
For real feelings, children from a previous marriage cannot be an obstacle. If a man loves you, then your child will not become a stranger or unwanted for him. Do not exclude the possibility of relationships with divorced men who also have children. These men already have serious life experience.
Men, as a rule, are very attached to their children, love them and want to live in the comfort of home. But many cannot come to terms with the idea that in life for their woman they were in the background. A man runs away from his family because he has ceased to be “number one” here, and without even trying to figure out the reasons and without making an attempt to fix everything.
Therefore, it is important not only to return dad to the children, but to bring your beloved man back to you. After all, from the very beginning you were a beloved woman. Then they became a wife and only after that - a mother. This is how your family turned out, where you and your spouse loved each other and were happy together.
Understanding why a husband left with two small children is not the same as solving the problem. It is very important not to go on about the surging emotions. Yes, it is very difficult, both morally and financially, to be left alone with two children in her arms. How to gather your thoughts and strength to take some action?
It is a mistake to think that another pregnancy will keep the returned husband forever. Do not forget why he once left you. Don't let emotions take over common sense. A man must again feel that for his beloved woman he is, first of all, a desired male, and not just a father to children. And what is your next pregnancy for him? This is the lack of intimacy and the female figure that has lost its harmony (it is worth recognizing this). This may end with the fact that the husband will leave the pregnant wife and most certainly will not return.
Do you remember what it's like? Small child, lack of sleep, lack of strength and loss of interest in her husband as a man. But he did not return to the family for this. The spouse expects from you love, tenderness, passion in which you spent your first honeymoon. Allow both of you to feel the happiness of being together again. A man will never leave where he feels good. Children are happy when their parents are happy.
Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy halves, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!
Unfortunately, the departure of a husband from a family is a fairly common phenomenon in modern world. The most difficult situation is when a man leaves a woman with a newborn baby. A new mother immediately has a lot of disturbing thoughts in her head: where to get the strength to live on and not break, how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, for what money to exist?
It happens that the birth of a child, instead of uniting the family, on the contrary, gives impetus to the flight of the father of the family. There are many reasons for such an act: loss of sexual interest in a woman, deterioration in the appearance of a wife after childbirth, fear of the unknown, accumulated fatigue, fear of material difficulties, problems in communicating with a spouse, the appearance of another woman, etc.
A husband who has run away from responsibility with double strength injures women. Firstly, the betrayal of a loved one is always difficult to survive, and secondly, the husband also abandons a newborn child who so needs a strong and loving family.
1. During a breakup, people experience pain, depression, guilt, and self-pity. And you need to be patient and just survive this period, because in some cases nothing can be returned (and sometimes it makes no sense), and you need to learn to live on, moving towards new events, meetings, relationships. The goal of an abandoned woman is to learn how to be happy again. No matter how difficult it is to accept it, but life after the departure of the husband from the family does not end, but perhaps a new stage in life begins.
2. A woman needs to realize that she was not left completely alone. She has a little man for whom she is the whole universe. No matter how bitter and sad it is, you can’t give up, because now she alone has to take care of the baby, only she has the main responsibility for the future life of a small person.
3. Accept any help and do not hesitate to ask your friends, loved ones and relatives yourself, in the early stages it will be extremely useful. Redistribute worries about the child between relatives, allocate "areas of responsibility". See for yourself that friends and family, neighbors and even just acquaintances are ready to help, if you clearly explain what it can be.
4. Make a schedule of meetings with close friends and relatives, stick to it strictly. Communicate with them on the phone more often - isolation can aggravate depression.
5. Walk outside regularly with a stroller or baby sling as often as possible during the day. Move all the time, because constant moderate physical activity helps to cheer up.
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6.
Do not be skeptical of the well-known proverb that time is the best medicine. As practice shows, after some time, everyone who finds himself in a similar situation reacts more calmly to her husband's act. However, there is no specific period, everyone has their own time frame for calming the soul.
7. Women's forums are filled with such stories. And many women successfully overcame all difficulties, improved their lives and found female happiness. Read online user stories, ask forum members for advice, share your experience. Even strangers are ready to provide support and discuss a difficult life situation.
8. Baby yoga will help satisfy the physical and emotional needs of mom and baby, distract from sad thoughts and experiences.
9.
Do not try to hide and suppress your mood, on the contrary, share your worries with people, pronounce problems. And the more times you do it, the easier it will be on your soul.
10. One of the major issues is money. Of course, one with a small child in her arms is difficult to provide for both. Alimony up to a year to a child is the protection of his right to the necessary material support. If the husband, after leaving, does not financially participate in the life of the child in any way, then it will be necessary to go to court.
11. In addition to the “default” happiness that appears in the house at the same time as the birth of a child, it can (and should) be considered that a child is your personal “perpetual” engine, existing in a single copy and working from your positive emotions.
12.
If necessary, seek qualified help from a psychiatrist or psychotherapist who will help to cope with emotional experiences.
Unfortunately, difficulties are inevitable, but one must learn to treat them philosophically. Your task is not to become discouraged, but to find an opportunity to get the most out of your current state. Remember that problems in life only harden, make you look at current events from a different angle.
Prepared by Valeria Skripkina
You must have heard the story of how a man left a woman with a child, leaving for another. This is a fairly common case that occurs quite often. Perhaps you also encountered such a situation, and now you cannot understand what exactly your mistake was. Are men really more likely to leave women with children? Is there any pattern? You will learn about this in this article.
Why are women with children more often abandoned?
1. He doesn't know how to take responsibility for his actions.. Unfortunately, the situation when a man is looking for love for one night is quite common, and sometimes a woman does not even realize how seriously a particular person takes her.
It is possible that feelings flared up in him and quickly passed, and closeness led to the birth of a child. At some point, the man realizes that now he must behave like an exemplary father, raise a child and provide for his wife, but he was not ready for this, so he decides to leave. The act of a really weak person, but sometimes it is impossible to change something in such a situation.
In life, we all have to face various difficulties, which, whether we like it or not, we need to be able to overcome in order to live on. However, some of them turn out to be so difficult that it is not easy, if not impossible, to overcome them without outside help. In this article, we will talk about what to do for a woman who has been abandoned by her husband. Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who leave their husbands in this life, and no matter what the men themselves say, justifying their act, women are not always to blame for this. But they are not to blame, but something needs to be done in such a situation - you need to somehow live on. Let's see how.
So what do you do if your husband leaves? You need to first pay attention to your condition in order to take it under control. Friends, relatives, psychologists - can give you a lot useful tips on what and how you should do in your situation, and many of these tips will really be useful, which you need to heed. But in order not only to heed these tips, but also to use them, you need to calm down and start thinking practically. You don’t need tears, you don’t need accusations against your husband or your own address, you don’t need to complain to anyone about what happened to you - you need to accept reality as it is and start thinking about how you should live on. How to do this - how to calm down, how to extinguish your negative emotions that corrode the soul? You know, this is one of the most difficult tasks that I have to solve when women who have left their husband turn to me for help. Here's how we do it with them:
Firstly, you need to change your attitude to what happened and not evaluate your situation from an exclusively negative side. Your husband left you - is it bad or good? This is unknown! You cannot know for sure whether this is bad or good, you can only guess what consequences this act of your husband will bring to you and him. It is possible that this is good for you! This assumption, at least, must be kept in mind. Since you are reading this article, you most likely think that it is bad that your husband left you, but you may be wrong. You can be wrong for many reasons, one of which is your ignorance of how your future life with him could have turned out. You can view the departure of your husband as the loss of the person you need, but if you look at what happened from the other side, you can see other points that will lead you to completely different conclusions. For example, in some cases, a husband, instead of leaving his wife, who does not suit him with something, beats her, and at the same time his children. And there are even cases that I personally had to deal with, and even now sometimes I have to work, when a man can even kill his entire family, both his wife and children. It's terrible and doesn't happen often, but it does happen. And just imagine how crazy you have to be to do that. It would be better if a man left the family, and not take the life of his wife and children. Do you agree? Therefore, try to always think more broadly, evaluating this or that life situation and never evaluate it only from the negative side. In this case, the contrast between what happened to you [left your husband] and what could happen [husband - became a tyrant or even worse], if you take into account exactly - a worse scenario, a little will reassure you. Just imagine this - a worse option, in which your husband would become a real tyrant for you, and compare it with what you now have, that is, with the fact that he left you, and feel the difference. This difference, if you think about it carefully, will become a kind of analgin for your soul.
Secondly, after you understand that, quite possibly, not everything is as bad as you thought, and perhaps very good, you will need to deal with the reason why your husband left you. This must be done in order to determine your next steps. Perhaps you are more to blame for this, perhaps he, or both of you made an equal contribution to your separation, or perhaps yours simply wanted to live a new life and therefore went to another, more interesting woman from his point of view, because he so wanted, and he told you that it was you who were to blame for his departure. This often happens when a husband leaves his wife for another woman and at the same time blames his wife for his departure, which in reality is not to blame for anything before him. Or he could just run away, not so much from you, but from those difficulties that he did not want to overcome with you. Some men, damn them, run away from material difficulties, from pregnant wives, from their children, whom they do not want to feed and educate. Yes, dear women, there are such cowardly egoists who think only of themselves and, at the first difficulty, make their legs. So then think about what to do if the husband left with the child, that is, if he left the woman at the most difficult moment. There are many such bastards, unfortunately. So, dear women, you definitely don’t need to return such a man. There will be little benefit from him, a lot of harm, and besides, at any moment he can betray you again. So do not refer to love-carrots - if you cannot forget your rascal husband - seek help from specialists, let them help you get rid of this painful and harmful attachment to an unreliable person.
Well, if the reason for his departure really lies in you, and you yourself understand this, then you need to analyze all your mistakes that you made in order to correct those that can be corrected and prevent them in the future. Just, you know, dear women - do not rush to conclusions regarding the degree of your guilt in what happened. Find strength in yourself and carefully analyze your whole life lately. Think ten times over the reasons you think caused your husband to leave you before drawing any final conclusions about them. And if necessary, then think eleven and twelve times. How reasonable are these reasons? Is there something in them that can be challenged, that you can doubt, that you need to think about better in order to figure it all out? After all, you can’t trust your husband in this matter. He, as I said above, can tell you anything, shifting all the blame for his act on you. By this he can justify himself in your and in his own eyes. So over every reason that, from your point of view and from the point of view of your husband, made him leave you, you need to think carefully before deciding on the degree of your guilt in what happened. If it’s hard for you to figure out the reasons for what happened, and this often happens, then seek help from a psychologist, let him help you understand why your husband left you. I assure you, in such cases, the opinion of a psychologist is much more objective than the opinion of the woman herself, who, due to emotions, tends to talk about herself and her husband very superficially. And even more so, it will be much more objective than the opinions of her friends, who, guided by female solidarity, can simply take the side of their beloved friend and start blaming the man who left her for everything, without going into any details of what happened. Or vice versa, they may, for various reasons, condemn their girlfriend, unreasonably considering her to be the culprit for her husband's departure. Girlfriends are different, and they also have their own interests. Understand that depending on who is to blame for the fact that your husband left you, your further actions will depend. Therefore, this issue should be taken very seriously.
Thirdly, when you find out, with the help of a psychologist, or with the help of an independent analysis of your situation, why your husband left you, you need to decide what to do next. Do I need to return it and can it be returned, or should I look for a new man? You need to think carefully about this. In any case - do not rush, do not immediately rush to do something - return your old husband or look for a new one. We must wait. Now your task is to calm down, and only then you will need to take action. For now, for a better understanding of what happened, write down everything that was said above on paper. Write down all the positive and negative aspects of your husband's act. What's wrong with him leaving you? So what's so good about it? Just do not say that there is nothing good in this - I will not believe it. Also write about when living with your husband would be the worst alternative for you to leave him. Remember what I wrote at the beginning of the article when I said that there are tyrant husbands, life with whom is like hell? Now, imagine that your husband is just such a person [and perhaps he really was like that] - a tyrant who, having left you, made you a free woman! Well, about the reasons for what happened - also write. What are you guilty of, what is he guilty of, and be sure to explain why he is guilty of something and why you are guilty of something. On paper, all your thoughts will become more orderly and clear, and by focusing your attention on them, you will begin to calm down - your emotions will begin to cut and fade. And that's exactly what you need right now. Calmness, only calmness, everything will work out only when you calm down.
Please pay your attention to something else - if a woman is abandoned by her husband, this does not mean at all that something is wrong with her. It doesn't matter, you hear - it doesn't matter what your husband said about you when he left! His opinion is just his opinion, it can be based on anything, including his own selfish interests. So I will ask you to refrain from low self-esteem, because the opinion of one man, especially if it is the wrong man, is not true. Think well of yourself, no matter how much you contributed to the breakdown of your family. You will always have time to realize and correct your mistakes, but now you definitely need to maintain your vitality. It is important for me to gather you, gather your heart and soul, wipe your tears, cheer you up, restore your self-confidence, encourage and set you up for the further struggle for a better life. Help me with this. Please. Then, even if the devil himself comes out of the underworld - you can deal with him! And the departure of your husband, you will even survive. All the best is ahead of you, life, you know, is a striped thing, so the current black stripe will be followed by a bright bright stripe. And anyway, who said that now you have a black streak in life? Everything must be treated with understanding. Everything that happens in our life is for the better! If your husband left you, then that's the way it should be. So you need! And all these streaks of life exist only in our mind, it is we who paint them in different colors, including dark ones. But in reality, life has no flowers - it just is. So let's not see other people's actions as a problem for ourselves, let's see new opportunities in them. Now, after your husband has left you, you are a free woman, and this, you know, is a good opportunity to build new life. You should definitely use it!
As for your actions, you should by no means immediately look for a replacement for your husband. And you won’t be able to do this until you, so to speak, come to your senses. It is necessary to wait a little in order to restore emotional strength and approach this matter calmly, deliberately, with all responsibility. After all, your future will depend on your choice. Often depressed, confused, unsettled by the departure of her husband, women are not able to adequately perceive reality for some time. Therefore, it is highly likely that without recovering psychologically, a woman may run into a rogue, trying to fill the void formed after her husband left. So do not rush, everything has its time. Take a break, think carefully about what your future life should be, what kind of man you need, where you can find him, what you can interest him in. In general, you need to approach your further actions thoughtfully. Do not be afraid, everything will be fine with you - you will find a new man for yourself over time, and arrange your life, and you will forget your husband who left you. Because it all depends on you. And since everything depends on you, you do not need to be afraid for your future - it will be exactly the way you make it. Decide to suffer and shed tears - you will suffer and shed tears, and if you start acting decisively, deliberately and purposefully - you will come to a happy life.
In that case, dear ladies, if your husband left you through your fault, and you want to return him, then before you do this, be sure to carefully study all the mistakes you have made. These mistakes will point you to your shortcomings, which you will need to correct. You need to change, you know? You can't just tell your husband that you won't misbehave anymore and that's why he needs to get back to you. Be an adult, you need to not only admit mistakes, but also correct them, and more importantly, exclude the possibility of making them in the future. Without this work on yourself, you may not even try to return your husband. Until you change - don't really change, inside yourself, your husband will not return to you. And in order to change, you, again, need to calm down, carefully study everything negative sides your character, study your behavior, because of which your husband left you, and then, begin to methodically and consistently correct all your shortcomings. And only after that you can invite your husband to return to you. If he loves you, he will not rush to look for a replacement for you, he will give you a chance to correct your shortcomings. And if not, if he doesn’t like it, then it doesn’t make sense to return him. It will go away anyway.
Finally, I want to tell you, dear women, that any, I emphasize, any woman in any situation can arrange her life. Husband's departure is not the end - it's the beginning! This is the beginning of a new life! There is no need to be afraid of anything, no need to cry, get angry, go into depression, close from the outside world, hate all men, and so on. All these negative thoughts and emotions will only hurt you. Fear, anger, hatred, depression are your enemies. They do not allow you to see the possibilities that are before you. Having dealt with these enemies, with the help of your mind, you will survive any difficulties and hardships. Life is arranged in such a way that all the best in it is ahead! You just need to know how to use the opportunities provided to you by life. Which I hope you do.
A man and a woman get married and have a child. Normal situation. But for some reason, it suddenly turns out that this “normal situation” turns out to be an unbearable burden - and the husband leaves, leaving his wife with a small child in her arms. What to do? Stigmatize? Trying to get it back? Is it proud to pretend that this person did not exist in your life at all?
It is important to understand the reasons why he did so.
A man sometimes cannot admit to himself that he was overcome by fear. He is unbearably afraid to take responsibility for himself. Now he has to do something all the time: provide for his family, take care of his wife, take care of the child ... This burden of responsibility puts pressure on the man, and he prefers to retire.
And besides, he is haunted by the fear of change - he will no longer be able to live the way he used to, everything has changed, it has become so difficult, and the old life was much easier and more pleasant. He doesn't want to give it up at all. And so escaping is the easy way out.
How often can one hear such a dialogue!
Why did you leave the family?
I realized that I can't handle it.
This is a painful blow to male ego. Feeling inadequate, realizing that you can’t cope with a new role is terrible for such a man. True, he most likely forgot to think about how a woman will now cope, left without her support and protection.
Before the birth of a child, a man was the main person in the life of his woman. After the birth of a child, everything changes - in the first place is now a small person who has just been born. It is he who is given all the attention, and the husband, as it were, fades into the background. This change of many men is unpleasantly shocking. They do not want to put up with second roles, and dissolve in the dawn fog, as if they never existed.
The previous reason flows smoothly into this one. He gets tired at work, comes home - and there is not rest, but like another job, moreover, under the continuous cries of the heir. And an exhausted, exhausted wife. She needs help, and the man needs rest. A series of mutual recriminations begins.
In addition, a young mother, as a rule, has no time to follow and take care of herself, but there is nothing to say about intimate life - is it up to her here?
This whole situation puts pressure on the man, and he considers it good to leave the territory.
Old as the world. If a man cannot get something at home, he will go and get it elsewhere. And then, for example, a nice colleague appears on the horizon. And the man begins to build a new relationship with another woman. I did not have time to look back, as I left my wife and two children.
How often they say about broken families that their "relatives divorced." And indeed, when all sorts of nasty things about your “other half” are whispered into your ears from both sides, you start to think: maybe this person really doesn’t suit you? And generally unworthy? And now the family is already on the verge of divorce, because diligent relatives, friends and colleagues have said different things.
Despair and a sense of hopelessness - this is what most often experienced wives abandoned with children. It is not clear how to live on, the earth has left from under the feet, so that, as it seems at that moment, it will never return. It is not true. And the earth will return under your feet, and it will turn out that it is quite possible to live on.
Where to begin? Make a plan. Write down your income and expenses, identify resources, understand what and how much time it takes. Set goals. Some goals will cover the next couple of days, and some may turn out to be half a lifetime.
Start implementing the plan. Perhaps you will look for a job at home, perhaps you will learn a new profession (for example, you have a certain amount of money for which you can afford cutting and sewing courses or take up Photoshop on your own), or it may turn out that you have a cottage that should have been sold long ago and invested in something worthwhile.
Be busy all the time. This therapy saves both from gloomy thoughts and from the temptations to enter the river a second time, into which it is not necessary to enter. Labor will bear fruit - and now you are no longer a "divorced woman without a penny", everything is getting better with you.
In your plan for life there must be a place for activities with a child- so that mom does not dissolve in work, but takes part in his life. To do this, you definitely need to find an internal resource.
And last - watch your health. It's like on an airplane - first the oxygen mask is put on yourself, and only then on the child. Your health is a matter of your well-being with your child. If you are healthy, calm and smiling, there will be much more joy and ups in your future and in the future of your child than troubles and falls.
It is important that your son or daughter is not affected by the breakup of their parents. No matter how difficult and bad - try to control yourself.Realize that breaking up is something that has already happened to you. Now you do not know how to survive a divorce, but believe me, this is not the end of the world. Even if you don't feel like it right now. Do not think that life is over - with the departure of a man who, by the way, did not act in the best way, you get a chance to find something new and beautiful in the future.
It doesn't take five minutes to get over a divorce. Worrying is normal. The most difficult period is considered to be 2-3 months immediately after the divorce. Psychologists advise not to make any radical decisions at this time. Give yourself time to cool down, calm down and look at things soberly.
It is important that your son or daughter is not affected by the breakup of their parents. No matter how difficult and bad - try to control yourself. Children are sensitive to your mood, try to provide them with the maximum psychological comfort that is possible in such a situation.
No matter how trite it may sound, but you need to explain to the child that dad and mom no longer live together, but both continue to love him. Tell it to the child in such a way that your explanation fits into the framework of his idea of \u200b\u200bthe world. That is, speak to him in a language accessible to his age.
And be sure to explain that what is happening is not his fault. The psychology of the child is such that he, as an egocentric, subconsciously considers himself guilty. "Mom and dad got into a fight because I broke a vase." Remove from him the burden of responsibility for adult relationships, for which he, in fact, should not bear responsibility.
You are hurt, you are offended, you are angry. You experience a whole range of emotions in relation to your ex-husband, and they are all mostly negative. But turning a child against his father is a bad idea. Because he loves him. Moreover, he feels like a person who has half of mom and half of dad. By saying bad things about the father of a child, even if he deserved it, you are, in fact, turning the child against some significant part of him. As a result, he can get psychological trauma that will ruin your child's life for years to come.
If ex-husband does not refuse paternity, is not dangerous for the child, helps and wants to see him - let them do it. Permission to visit or meet on neutral territory. After all, a good "Sunday Dad" is better than none.
You have the heavy task of raising a child without a father. You will work hard, you will be tired, you will have to do a lot by yourself. There is no place for entertainment in this busy schedule, and a single mother often “drives” herself, sooner or later coming to nervous, and sometimes physical, exhaustion.
To prevent this from happening, allow yourself a break. Sometimes an extra half hour of sleep is more important than a polished stove, and a ten-minute walk in the park is more useful than perfectly ironed creases on your trousers. Allow yourself at least once a day to "reward" - enjoy some little things. Three minutes of dance under the radio. Five minutes to calmly drink tea. With candy. And you can also smear your hands with a cream that smells delicious. Or put on your favorite sweater. These little joys make a big difference. So don't forget about them.
Probably, there are women in the world who simply step over a divorce from a man who leaves his wife and child, and live on. Everyone else is having a hard time. But you know what? You can not give up - because you have you and your child. It may not be easy, but you will definitely do it.
For women who find themselves in a situation where their husband left alone with a child, and do not know how to survive the breakup, there is a place where they can get help and support. Contact the experts of the site - and you will certainly be supported and prompted how best to proceed. Free for new clients!
