Domestic violence is often overlooked. If a husband beats his wife, she often hides it from strangers. Why? It's embarrassing, embarrassing. You can't tell a friend about this over a cup of tea. Sometimes the closest relatives do not realize what a nightmare a woman is going through day after day, until they accidentally notice bruises and abrasions on her.
Aggression in the family does not come from nowhere. It does not happen that caring, loving father family suddenly changed for no reason, instantly turning into a cruel tyrant capable of raising a hand against the mother of his children.
Aggression, lack of self-control, explosive nature often have a psychological basis. Psychologists talk about the existence of two types of male aggressors:
Why is there violence? If a husband often beats his wife, it means that he feels power over her. Low self-esteem, the presence of complexes push a man to demonstrate his superiority over the weak.
Nature has laid in the male character the desire for self-affirmation. Each person chooses ways to increase self-esteem on his own: to climb the career ladder, achieve success and recognition in sports, business, or assert himself at the expense of his wife and children, humiliating and beating them. The dissatisfaction with life of the unrecognized genius aggressively spills out at home, as if proving that he is worth something.
From the point of view of psychology, male aggression is provoked by the following reasons:
What to do if the husband beats: divorce or stay and try to rectify the situation, each woman decides on her own. There are those for whom one time, a single blow, is enough to break off relations. Such women love and respect themselves, and are sure that once having crossed the boundaries of what is permissible, the husband will no longer be able to stop. This means that physical violence will be repeated. Other wives live with tyrants, finding excuses and forgiving cruelty, decide to re-educate him or dutifully accept the situation.
break vicious circle advice from a psychologist will help with family violence:
Women are stopped by the fear of the unknown, loneliness. Wives who are financially dependent on their husbands and have nowhere to go feel they are stuck in a dead end and see no way out, while husbands continue to mock, feeling their dominance. There is always a way out:
It is necessary to act in case of beatings clearly, this will help to punish the offender according to the law. The procedure is as follows:
The legislation provides for bringing to responsibility for assault, physical and moral harm.
Depending on the circumstances of the beating, after a criminal trial, the perpetrator of the beating may be charged with:
An inadequate spouse will be given a formal warning. He will be put on record, tracking his behavior in the future.
The court, on the basis of the materials of the case, taking into account the severity of the damage and injuries, as well as the moral damage caused, will impose a punishment on the aggressor. It could be:
Remember, it is possible to change the behavior of a husband who beats his wife only if the man himself strives for this, if he understands the inadmissibility of his actions and huge inner work on his part. In other cases, the only way to maintain health, a strong nervous system, and sometimes even life, is divorce.
Drinking people resist treatment if the husband is a complete alcoholic or has just started drinking every day, most often the worries for his salvation fall on the shoulders of the wife. And she has to wonder what to do if her husband drinks heavily, and the addiction is fully formed, and she has the misfortune to live with an alcoholic. In Russia, problems with drunkenness occur in every second family. Living with a man who has started drinking requires special skills that a woman willy-nilly has to master.
The husband began to drink every day, and vodka becomes the center of the house, and the household is forced to correlate every step with this fact. The character of the woman changes and the children suffer. The wife needs to pull herself together and convince her husband to admit that he is an alcoholic, and convince him to be treated.
In a man who has started drinking, a second "I" is formed, which has a terrible destructive power. People often break into a binge after coding, and with each new breakdown, the drunken essence of a person becomes stronger and more aggressive. A woman encounters in her family two diametrically opposed personalities of her husband. The wife takes the trouble to bring her husband to his senses, she needs to declare dry law in the house and exclude alcohol from everyday life even on common or family holidays. For the alcoholic, the only alternative is absolute sobriety.
It is not enough to excommunicate an alcoholic from alcoholic beverages, it is important to teach him what to do with a sober lifestyle. A person who drank every day simply does not know what to do with himself when his favorite pastime is not available. Sometimes drinking is replaced by a hobby, for example, a man who quit drinking becomes a collector of coins or stamps. And from a guy's shirt it turns into a scared, spending every penny on a collection. Not only for friends of drinking companions, but for his own wife, he becomes a new and unfamiliar person.
Often a man recalls a time when he was treated with more sympathy, at least by drinking companions. He remembers drinking, accompanied by an internal upsurge and energy that alcohol causes, forgets about the severity of a hangover and the inevitable problems. Begins to dream about that golden time, thereby pushing himself to decode.
Psychologist's advice for this tipping point reads:
A completely different situation requires appropriate ways of behavior if the husband not only drinks every day, but also insults, since in this case it is not far from assault, and this is already a direct threat to life. Insults can be habitual or come as a complete surprise to a wife who considers her husband well-mannered and self-possessed.
The husband was rude the first time - you can try to forget about the incident. A man abuses every day since he started drinking and it has become ingrained and habitual, but the wife is determined to save the marriage, and then you need to figure out why such an outrage happens. Look at the situation from the outside. Perhaps meekness itself is perceived as an inability to stand up for oneself, and this is what infuriates.
There are several options for aggression:
Find out why your husband is abusive.
If a husband is aggressive while intoxicated, then you should remember the proverb: what a sober man has in his mind, then a drunk on his tongue, is not always true. Alcohol changes the psyche, and, having sobered up, a person is often ashamed of what he said and did while drunk. And the problems here are not insults, but whether a person is ready to stop drinking. If the husband began to drink every day, then the woman sees only one drunken personality of the husband, facing insults often.
You should not believe and take to heart the words thrown in an inadequate state, but it is worth considering if he does not stop drinking, do you want to live in constant fear. The husband can agree to be treated, and the problem with aggression will go away by itself. But you have to not provoke drinking and drive alcohol out of the house completely. Sober should be not only holidays, but also weekdays.
If a man insults his wife in moments of temper, then this may be the result of trouble at work or the result of other problems. The situation can be corrected by receiving the following advice from a psychologist:
But if the husband constantly offends, then you need to think about whether you need such a person. If rudeness has become the norm of life, then it should not be tolerated. You can try to change the character of the husband only if, after another outburst, he feels shame. If repentance does not come, then it is worth thinking about the children who are also subject to his tyranny. What to do next should be prompted by your feelings of self-preservation and self-esteem.
If the husband's drinking takes place outside the home, and he may not come to spend the night for several days, then the wife has the right to suspect that the husband is walking. First of all, you need to remain calm, no matter how difficult it may be. Remember that you are smart and Strong woman and be able to handle the situation.
Evaluate what is happening to make the right decision. The husband should not influence him in this particular situation, since he has already shown himself with negative side. The problem can have three outcomes. You can break up with a husband who is walking, you can pretend that nothing happened or forgive. Decisions are opposite and can change life dramatically. The adoption of one or another way of responding depends on the type of betrayal and its causes. The advice of a psychologist to a woman who discovered that her husband is walking consists of the following rules:
The situation can be changed only by recognizing in time that the husband is walking, as well as his addiction to the green snake. Eliminate the possible reasons that the husband is looking for entertainment on the side, you can diversify your sex life. Go somewhere to relax together, the husband must understand that neither a bottle nor another woman can replace the best wife in the world.
If you can’t cope with the fact that your husband has started drinking and walking, you shouldn’t get hung up on this. Divorce can be seen as the beginning of a new life.
Many women suffer from domestic violence. Husbands brandish their fists, insult, humiliate not only their wives, but also small children. At first, this is perceived as an accident - accumulated stress and other troubles, but soon this behavior becomes the "norm", and women fall into despair. Read more about this "phenomenon" and how to prevent such behavior in our article.
Some of the unfortunate wives continue to suffer, to forgive their tormentor husbands even after bruises under their eyes and other injuries. Remember the proverb: hitting means loving. They are ready to blame themselves for everything, believing that they themselves made a mistake and could not calm, help, caress in time. The wives believe in sworn promises that he will never do that again.
Beat, beat and will beat. If a man even once raised his hand to his woman, then this will be repeated again. Their moral barrier breaks when they suddenly realize that they can beat without receiving any punishment or rebuff. There are rare cases when a husband realizes his act, repents, does not repeat mistakes - if he acted in a state of passion. Even though that doesn't justify it.
Men who raise their hands to their wives are divided into two types: "pit bulls" and "cobras". The first type is the most common. They themselves gradually wind up their rage, harass their wife with caustic remarks and insults. Husbands "turn on" themselves up to the moment when you can pounce and hit. Typical dog behavior.
Such men are most often psychologically dependent on their wives. This is no longer love, but a disease generated by the desire to humiliate, put in place. The wives of such people have to watch their every gesture, look and word, so that God forbid not to awaken aggression in them. These families fence themselves off from friends, relatives, live in complete isolation, alone with their problems.
"Cobras" are much rarer, but their behavior is difficult to predict. They do not need to inflame themselves - on the contrary, they attack silently and unexpectedly. During the impact, they have a completely calm, even absent look. This does not increase temperature or pressure. At the slightest provocation, they absolutely cold-bloodedly beat their wives to a pulp. They hit regardless of how you feel or where you are. Raising a hand even to a pregnant woman will not be difficult for them.
These are very dangerous, cruel men, although their rage is easier to redirect to a calmer channel. When they see that the victim does not respond to his bullying, they can find another object to relieve irritation. But you should not rejoice at this: your relatives, friends and even children can be such a source.
The idea that all women who are beaten by men are timid, submissive and downtrodden is not always true. Most often, wives themselves actively participate in skirmishes, sting, insult, even beat their partners. Often they do this in response to the husband's threats.
Such women, like men, quickly light up, become aggressive even over trifles. They lose their heads, turn on their husband even more, which as a result leads to a fight. While men are fighting for power in their home, women are fighting for life.
But what are the reasons for such behavior of husbands? From scratch, a man does not become a tyrant and a sadist.
The most common case is memories of the father's behavior in his own family. If your husband had the same problems with his parents as a child, the likelihood of abusing his own family is very high. As a young boy, he watched in horror as his angry father humiliated and beat his mother. The child suffered deeply from fear and injustice, swore to himself that he would never in his life allow himself to be the same as his father. Nevertheless, this model of behavior is the only thing he has learned since childhood. He simply does not understand how to resolve the conflict differently, which is why he repeats the actions of his father on a subconscious level. After all, if a husband beats a mother, why shouldn’t he also rein in his wife.
If your young man is from such a family, and he is already starting to show signs of aggressiveness, persuade him to go to a psychologist. Explain the complexity of the situation, tell how much you love him, how you don’t want your child to see what he had to see.
If your spouse has a desire to keep the marriage loving and strong, he will certainly agree to your proposal. Although, unfortunately, this only works if the husband himself is burdened by his behavior and wants to change himself. Stay vigilant while things can be fixed. If he has already beaten you at least once, it will be more difficult to heal a loved one. Plus, you will need to forgive him. Can you do it?
The husband drinks and beats his wife, being in a deranged state for most of his life. Sometimes a woman also begins to drown her grief with alcohol along with him, unable to find a way out, preferring to forget herself from mental and physical pain. And two drinking spouses in the family is a disaster.
Even if a woman does not drink alcohol, she still drops out of life and is completely dependent on the state of her husband. The eternal expectation - whether he will come home drunk or sober, whether he will break loose again or leave her alone. The psyche of alcoholics is broken, they are not able to control their own behavior, their actions are inadequate. Most domestic injuries and murders occur precisely at the moment of intoxication.
It is very difficult to treat such people, but if you want to save the relationship and return your husband to normal, it is worth a try. The main thing - try to solve this problem together. If a man does not have a sincere desire to stop drinking, then nothing will work.
Remind him of the best that was in your life together. Try to convince him that you need him healthy and adequate, that you and your children do not want to suffer anymore. Explain that if a husband beats and abuses his wife, all members of the family suffer.
If the degree of alcoholism is not too advanced, your spouse may decide to be treated and stop drinking. If the physiological and mental dependencies are so high that they become an instinct for him, then he will rather prefer the bottle to his family. In this case, take care of yourself and the health of your children and cut off all ties.
Another example of a tyrant's husband is a person with low self-esteem. He is unlucky all around, people treat him derisively, he is not respected and does not appreciate the team. Unable to satisfy their often high ambitions, such men splash out all their negativity at home, on their closest and loving people. Here they definitely cannot receive a well-deserved rebuff and rise in their own eyes. Any manifestation of superiority is important to him - at least over weak women and children.
They, like air, need proof of their “dominance” in the house, because this is the only way they are worth something in their own eyes. They take revenge for insults, for disrespect, for laughing at themselves. Ordinary losers, unable to realize themselves in life, trample their loved ones and relatives into the mud. That's what they live.
If your husband is a tyrant of this type, then immediately save yourself. Selfishness is incurable, promises to improve are false. You should not become a punching bag for the sake of a person who wants to raise personal self-esteem in this way. He beat you, and will continue to dissolve his hands.
A husband who beats his family can be a person who was very spoiled as a child. He is used to the fact that everyone around him indulges his desires, any “I want” of him is the law of life for those around him. A man simply does not fit in his head, why the wife does not immediately fulfill all his requirements and does not stand at attention when he approaches. Not having received submission, such people can fall into uncontrolled aggression and “punish” loved ones for a long time for the offense.
Since childhood, not accustomed to independence, they demand from their wives what they cannot do themselves. This is not only men's housework, but also the solution of financial and domestic issues. As a rule, they do not consider betrayal a sin at all, because absolutely everything is allowed to such “wonderful” people. And if suddenly the wives decide to tell them what to do, then you just need to teach them a lesson and show who is the boss in the house.
If your husband looks like such a person, run without looking back! No love is worth such mental and physical pain. And if you have children, protect them from mental trauma, give them the opportunity to grow up to be worthy, happy people!
Many wives are willing to forever forgive their abusive husbands and be there for them. What is it: fear, loneliness or incomprehensible masochism? Is love so blind that it allows them to shackle themselves into a life sentence of humiliation and pain? There is a reasonable explanation for this behavior.
Some women think: "When my husband beats me, this is how he shows his feelings." This fairy tale has long lost its relevance. Once upon a time, our great-grandmothers got married by agreement of their parents, without even seeing the groom before the wedding. They lived all their lives together, whether it was a successful marriage or an unhappy existence. Since divorce was impossible, then the popular “beats means loves” was a salvation and an explanation for what was happening.
Even now, despite the propaganda against violence, women are sure that it is the norm for almost every modern family. After all, neighbors and relatives also have scandals. The husband beats them, and then repents, gives flowers, gold, diamonds, swears that this was the last time.
It comes to the point that sometimes wives see a split personality in their husbands: they consider the kind and with flowers to be real, and the aggressive with fists - an accident, illness, circumstances. Sometimes women subconsciously begin to provoke their spouse so that he will give gifts the next day. But in such cases, fights happen more often, and apologies - less and less.
Sometimes men blackmail their wives by committing suicide if they leave them and leave. Often such words do not mean a real threat, this is just an excuse to keep you always with you, to be able to control you. Plus, women become pliable, they begin to be afraid of even their own shadow. Who wants to be the cause of someone else's death, even if this person brings moral and physical pain.
To live in constant fear and tension, to be afraid for the possible death of a person "through your fault" - did you expect this when you got married? If you succumb to blackmail, you will forever be a guilty and deeply unhappy woman without guilt. And after a couple of decades, such a “male” can go to another, and you will be left alone. Due to constant worries, nervous breakdowns, your hair will begin to turn gray ahead of time, wrinkles will appear, and the shine in your eyes will disappear. You need it?
Do not feel sorry for your husband, be a femme fatale - give him the opportunity to do as he sees fit. Only a few are capable of taking such a terrible step as suicide. The most they can do is fake an attempt to keep you on a short leash. Otherwise, they only develop in wives a sense of guilt and despair. By the way, all suicides are registered in a psychiatric hospital. And in some cases, it will be very difficult for him, especially if he wants to change jobs or acquire personal transport. Don't forget to tell your spouse.
Many women think that a tyrant dad is better than no father at all. This is where they are wrong. Seeing the constant scandals and fights of parents, the psyche of children is deeply traumatized. This is dangerous for boys: as adults, they copy the behavior of their father in their family. It is hard for girls - in the future, to create a family, they will subconsciously look for cruel men who look like their father.
As a result, the tyrant will ruin the life not only for you, but also for innocent children. Sometimes husbands even raise their hand to them, which cannot but affect the mental and physical health of the kids. Do you know that the majority of child murderers are convicted of killing fathers who beat their wives and children? And public opinion condemns the mother in all this, who did not protect the child from such a “loving” and “caring” dad.
One of the common reasons why wives don't leave their beating husbands is financial dependence. They have nowhere and nothing to live on. This situation often develops in families where wives either do not work or receive a very small salary. Despite such difficulties, if desired, you can find a way out. Ask for help from relatives or friends, explain the situation, ask for help. They will definitely support you, help you to hold out for the first time until you find a job.
Understand that the safety of children is also in your hands. Many successful, financially independent women also started from scratch. There were in the same terrible circumstances (or even worse). If they can get up, then so can you.
If you are still considering whether to continue your life in torment, or if you think that a beating husband is your karma, consider the following information:
Perhaps this data will push you to the right decision, help you understand whether it is worth living with someone who poses a threat to you or your loved ones.
A real man should never, under any circumstances, raise his hand to a woman. This is a rule that everyone should know. But there are exceptions. A man can hit if, for example, his life is in danger. This is at the level of instinct. Aggression is manifested if the same applies to his children. Therefore, you should not throw yourself at your husband with a frying pan or at children with a belt. The consequences can be dire.
Infidelity can drive a man out of himself. Especially if he devoted his whole life to the family, and she walks, say, with his best friend. Many murders are committed out of jealousy. The person is in a state of affect. There is no excuse for this, but you should still be honest with your loved one. Exercise caution.
Why do our men often resort to forceful methods of influence? Because by nature they have a need for self-affirmation at any cost. This is such a male instinct that makes someone go to war, someone go in for sports, someone fight in the doorways, and someone beat his wife and children. Not all men are inclined to realize their need to assert themselves with the help of physical strength.
Sometimes a woman herself provokes the appearance of aggression in a man prone to her. She begins to make some increased demands on him, doubts the capabilities of her husband, and ridicules his actions and plans. And then he gets a slap in the face from an unrestrained missus. When a man has a predisposition to violence, one should try to show as little hostility towards him as possible. Otherwise, there will be a high probability that the beating of the wife will become quite acceptable and commonplace for the spouse.
It so happens that fights in the family are like a kind of love recharge. After them, the spouses begin to experience even greater attraction to each other. Here the situation with violence is hopeless. This is necessary for both a man and a woman to stir up passion, strengthen mutual affection. Even if such a couple breaks up, then not for long.
In principle, almost all wives regularly beaten by their husbands are in the trap of addiction. The overwhelming majority of them from time to time leave their tyrants, but then, for one reason or another, return to them again. If a husband allowed himself to beat his wife more than once or twice, psychologically she is already suppressed. Whether a woman wants it or not, subconsciously she becomes attached to her despot. Who knows why this is happening. Either the ancient instincts are waking up, or the fear of loneliness is depressing. Or maybe some complexes work or incorrect upbringing contributes to the connivance of violence by the husband.
I must say that a strong-willed, ambitious, self-confident and self-confident woman will never become a wife who is constantly beaten by her husband. Without thinking for a long time, she immediately breaks off relations with a man. And will never renew them again.
And a woman of weak character, with low self-esteem, can tolerate a fighter all her life. Dooming, thus, themselves and their own children to continuous misfortunes. Well, weak people are generally not capable of decisive actions, and it is impossible to change the character quickly. And yes, it's not easy to change. Therefore, in order not to fall into the clutches of a husband-beast, one must try to discern in him a tendency to tyranny in advance.
Often men who gravitate towards complete dictatorship in the family are quite attractive. They can turn a girl's head, surrounding her with attention and care. It seems to a young lady in love that next to such a man she will always be comfortable and reliable, like behind a stone wall. However, after the wedding, the stone wall suddenly becomes a prison wall. And in the relationship of the newly-made spouses, the scheme of relations between the boa constrictor and the rabbit begins to work.
Signs that a man is predisposed to the manifestation of physical aggression:
At first, such behavior is not very conspicuous and is not perceived sharply by the girl. And then, completely unnoticed by herself, she finds herself at the mercy of a tyrant. Friends disappear, relatives recede into the background. The faithful begins to make a fuss and lose his temper for any reason, calling names, humiliating, using force. The poor thing despairs, rushes about, tries to please him, but all her attempts to normalize the atmosphere in the house are useless.
A woman should try to raise her own self-esteem. There are many ways to develop respect and love for your personality. It will not be difficult to choose the most suitable one from them. Yes, my husband has already managed to convince us that we are ugly, clumsy, stupid, and so on. However, each person is valuable in itself and worthy of happiness, and we are no exception. And no one has the right to encroach on this happiness and take it away from us.
If we want to save the family, while improving the atmosphere in the house, we need to act gradually and consistently. Eliminate the fear of a spouse in ourselves, tear it out by the roots! After all, we are free and the choice of life path always remains with us. And, since the decision has already been made to save the marriage, we will try to behave with our husband a little differently. We often praise his virtues, become more affectionate, calmer, more positive.
Women may be faced with a situation where the husband does not know how to drink, and because of this, problems begin in the family. Because of alcohol, a spouse can not only not fulfill his duties, but also release insults towards his wife. Because of this behavior, more than one couple divorced, while in some cases it was possible to save the family. It is enough to know how to behave correctly if the husband is drunk and behaves inappropriately.
Unfortunately, now often women are faced with the fact that their husband drinks and does not sleep at home. Of course, such behavior cannot be considered normal, and the wife has to be constantly nervous if a loved one drinks alcohol all day long. Because if he left for the whole night and does not make himself felt, then thoughts arise whether everything is in order with him, because he is in a state of intoxication.
An alcoholic in a family can behave differently: some know how to control themselves, even going into a binge, others bring their spouse to a divorce. But in any case, a drunkard brings grief to his loved ones, because taking ethanol is harmful, and gradually a person kills himself.
It is much worse if the husband drinks and begins to humiliate the woman, and this happens regularly. Often because of this, the wife leaves, because she is not ready to tolerate a drinker and at the same time an aggressive one. But there are also spouses who are devoted to a man, love him and therefore tolerate drunken antics. It is especially difficult for them, because it is impossible to endure a name-calling husband and at the same time remain happy.
It is important to know what to do if the husband drinks and insults. Because if you take certain measures, then there is a chance to restore normal relations and save the family.
Having gone into a binge, for a week or a month, a person's behavior becomes less and less adequate every day. And the more he drinks, the more problems he causes. Some become aggressive and cannot control their emotions, which are much more pronounced when drunk.
Because of this, the drinking husband begins to humiliate his wife, calls her names and tries in every possible way to bring her to tears. If this happened once, then you need to try to forget about what happened. It is good if the spouse admitted his guilt and apologized, promising not to repeat this. Perhaps he will keep his word, and will not have to part with him.
However, if a person drank almost every day and regularly insulted, then any patience would not be enough. The easiest way would be to file for divorce so that you do not have to endure humiliation and suffer because of this. But the situation becomes more complicated if there is a common child or several children. Then a woman has reasons to want to save her family and return love. It should be remembered that if a husband swears, you saw him in response, then nothing good will come of it. A wise woman knows that aggression will not achieve the desired result.
How to be:
However, if such behavior does not help, and only a break between drinking has been achieved, then you should consider whether you need to live with such a person.
Maybe it's time to walk away and stop fighting for the relationship.
It is not uncommon for a husband to walk around drinking a large dose of alcohol. You can be suspected of treason if the spouse did not spend the night at home for one or several days, and also began to consistently stay very late at work or not come to his wife at all. Of course, you should not immediately conclude that he has another girlfriend, because he can only spend time with friends. However, if it seems that he began to walk, then it is worth looking for evidence.
But first you need to decide for yourself whether you want to know the truth or it will be easier to pretend that nothing happened. Because if it really turns out that he cheated once or is often wrong, then the relationship will not be the same.
How to behave:
In general, we can say that a walking husband should not be tolerated, unless the woman herself is prone to adultery. Because unfaithful men are extremely rarely corrected, at best they pretend to be good for a while.
When the problem is alcoholism, then it is important to overcome this disease in order to improve relationships. It will not be enough to say “do not drink”, certain measures will need to be taken.
A woman needs to be ready to go through a difficult path, because the fight against addiction is difficult for everyone.
You can try at home to defeat cravings for alcohol. To do this, you must first and substances of its decay. A person should not even allow himself to drink sometimes, so as not to break loose. You need to adjust your diet, use vitamins to normalize the work of your body.
Folk remedies can be used as a supplement, but not as the main method of treatment. Because healing decoctions can support the work of organs, however, they are not effective enough to combat addiction. Therefore, you should use medications if you want to achieve a positive result.
In extreme cases, you will need to contact a clinic where they are struggling with cravings for alcohol. Specialists will help a person recognize the existence of a problem, as well as set up resistance to addiction. The clinic puts droppers, prescribes drugs that can help. The condition of a person is closely monitored by doctors, and they will really help to defeat alcoholism.
(Visited 10 896 times, 1 visits today)
D Good day, our dear visitors!
Should a wife tolerate her husband's assault? Should I endure the assault of my husband or should I leave him? What does the Lord expect from a woman in such cases: obedience and humility to carry her Cross, or a woman’s departure from her family in order to save her life?
The holy fathers teach us to take the choice of a future husband or wife very seriously. During groomship, you should carefully pay attention to how our chosen one or chosen one relates to God, to faith, to church life. It is worth taking a closer look at how our chosen ones treat their own and our parents. Also, the holy fathers strongly advise not to hasten to tie the knots of marriage, but to pray a lot and ask the Lord to either unite us in the bonds of sacred marriage, if we are saved, being married, or take away marriage or marriage from us, if He is in advance we know that our marriage will be unhappy.
And how are we? Girls tend to marry just for whom, and all because they simply do not trust God and are afraid to remain unmarried. Moreover, they don’t even just marry the first person they meet, but also the one who already during the grooming beats them, drinks, and insults both his own and her parents. Such unreasonable girls naively and stupidly believe that with their love, attention and care, they will be able to change the evil temper of their chosen ones and change them. And then, having already become wives, they despair and think about begging for their husbands, leave them, and run away from them in fear for their lives. So who is to blame for what happened? They themselves are to blame for undertaking the feat beyond their strength.
There was such a case. One woman had a fierce and wicked husband. He drank every day and beat his wife. And so it went on for many years. The poor woman did not leave her husband, but prayed incessantly, asking God to save her husband's perishing soul. One day her husband hit her so hard that she fell ill and died. She was buried. And so, when her husband stood next to her grave, he suddenly realized his terrible sin! He threw himself on the grave of his poor wife and wept bitterly! So he lay on the grave for three days, incessantly crying and complaining bitterly. Then he got up and went home a completely different person. He remained alone. But he did not drink anymore, but spent all his time in prayer and fasting. He became the most humble and God-fearing. Many, years later, did not even believe that this handsome old man, humble and meek, had once been a tyrant and despot in the family. This is how the poor woman saved herself and her husband. But such great women, martyrs, intercessors, who lay down their lives for the salvation of the souls of their husbands, are few like her. We are running from our Cross, but the elder Archimandrite John Krestyankin said: “They don’t leave the Cross, they take it down.”
Priest Dimitry Sinyavin writes:
"E There are many cases when husbands, through the prayer of their wives, changed, corrected their lives, and, by the grace of God, life in these families became happy. My father, about 30 years ago, advised a woman to endure and pray for her husband, who was inadequate when he got drunk and ran after her with an ax. She endured him for 10 years and prayed, believed. Now they have been living very well for about 20 years, happily, soul to soul. Let me give you one more example. One man drank heavily and beat everyone. For him, every day, both the children and the wife prayed with tears on their knees in front of the icons. Once the Lord awakened the conscience of this man, and he could not even stand the remorse of his conscience, took a new rope and went to the attic to hang himself. But the rope broke. On the 3rd attempt to hang himself, a demon appeared to him in a terrible, terrible guise and told him to pull a piece of iron out of his pocket, as it interferes with him. This man quickly got down from the attic and ran to his wife and fell on her knees and asked for forgiveness. His wife forgave him, and they began to live happily. This man became not only a good father, husband, but also a believer. That piece of iron - it was a cross that his wife sewed into his pocket for him to wear, and he saved his life. I can give more examples, but I think that this is enough. The apostle Paul writes that the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife. The Apostle Paul writes in the sense that wives should not leave their husbands if they come to the faith, but the husbands do not. The Lord Himself said that if faith is in a person, then everything is possible to him who believes. The Lord can do everything. If the Lord converted Saul, who was an ardent and zealous persecutor of Christians, to the Christian faith, and became a great apostle, we call him the supreme apostle Paul. Yes, there is no such faith in our time, so we descend from the cross and receive several crosses. Instead of praying fervently, strengthening our faith, and receiving a miracle from God, it is easier and more convenient for us to just leave and leave a sick person. Each person has freedom, the Lord Himself does not violate it, therefore he can do as he pleases. I know that the Lord will never give an unbearable cross, and there is a way out everywhere, and God can always work a miracle, if only we had faith. The Lord Himself said about the last times, that when He comes, will He gain faith on earth? I don't judge women who leave their husbands. I just want to show another way, more perfect and correct. If I, a priest, had written differently, I would have embarrassed other people who have a more strict outlook on life.”
Of course, there are many human destinies, like the sand of the sea, and we do not set ourselves the task of reducing everything to one size fits all. No, only sacrificial, highly spiritual, strong people can tolerate others and beg their offenders. Not like us: selfish and weak, thinking only about their own salvation, only about themselves, and not able to sacrifice themselves for the sake of saving their neighbor.
It happens that a wife must leave her husband, who beats both her and the children, and the Church can bless this. But before you leave, ask yourself if at the beginning of your family life, you did not think that his end would be so sad? From what did you suffer such a punishment as a cruel husband? Maybe because you did not keep your virginity before marriage, as you should and were obliged to keep? Maybe because they did not want to burden themselves with the birth of children, because it is difficult, and difficult, and painful, and stopped at one or two children?
In fact, most women have one or at most two children, and they do not want to give birth anymore, because it is difficult and burdensome. If a woman does not want to accept from God the opportunity to become a mother of many children, then the Lord will not leave her, and will save such a woman not by childbearing, as is natural for any woman, but by the patience of a cruel husband. After all, we can be saved only through suffering, only through the humble bearing of our saving Cross, for it is only through the narrow gate that we must enter the Kingdom of Heaven!
I know women who give birth every one and a half to two years. Yes, it’s hard for them, yes, you can forget about the figure, yes, sleepless nights, yes, in the midst of everyday worries about children, you don’t have time to think about yourself, and you spin all day like a squirrel in a wheel. But the husbands of such mothers of many children are faithful and caring. And for those women who avoid childbearing, who are afraid of having many children, who are cowardly and afraid to give birth because of the difficulties of life, who do not trust in God, who love themselves more than want to please God - for those women, husbands, as a rule, cruel ones who beat their wives and do not love them. Well, such women love themselves for two, and they will not let themselves be offended. For example, recently, in one family, the twelfth child was born in a row. Twelfth! And you, dear women, how many children? What Cross do you bear for your salvation? After all, each of us has our own Cross, by carrying which we can be saved, and each of us has exactly the Cross that we deserve and which we can bear, for the Lord never gives the Cross beyond our strength.
Sometimes you look and see how husbands ask their wives to give birth to children for them, and they refuse, because they are afraid that there will not be enough money and strength to raise and raise a child. Sometimes you hear how a wife insults her husband in public: you, they say, are a fool, such and such, you don’t know how to work, you don’t earn money, but there, Petya’s wife already drives her own car, and you, fool, even give me a mink coat did not buy! Yes, is it possible! What husband, after such words, does not fall into despair, does not start drinking, and then beat his wife, the one that did not believe in him, the one that did not support when he fell, did not extend a helping hand?
The influence of a woman on a man is incredibly huge. One very rich man, when asked what he would like to become if he had not become what he became, answered this way: “I don’t care who I become. If only my wife was next to me, the one who believed in me all these years, even when no one believed in me. If a wife is a support for her husband, believes in his strength and is content with what her husband can give her, then such a husband is unlikely to hit his wife, because he sees her as a friend and helper, for him his wife is part of his “I”, so why would he beat himself?
Before you get married, you need to seriously think about why you are getting married, can you endure the sorrows of family life, are you able to sacrifice yourself for your husband? Before you tie yourself in inseparable bonds of marriage, you should behave with dignity with your future husband even during the dating period, you should understand, talk, discuss whether you have a unity of views, whether you have common interests. We must preserve our virginity more than anything in the world! And if you lived with your future husband in fornication before marriage, and then got married, then be prepared for sorrows, with the patience of which, you can only beg for your sin of prodigal premarital cohabitation.
One priest said that a husband begins to drink and beat his wife not from her pies and tender care, and even if this occurs, then the reason should be sought in oneself. If your conscience is clear, and you are not guilty of anything, then God has chosen you for the sake of saving the unfortunate soul of your husband, so that with your love and meekness you will save his immortal soul.
There is such a parable. One day our Lord Jesus Christ was walking along with His disciples. They didn't have food. They met a man who had bread and water with him. The disciples asked this man to give them a little bread, as they had been on the road for a long time and their strength had weakened, and the path was still not close. But the man shouted at them: “Get away from me, you rogues, before I set the dogs on you!” The students went on. Then they met a beautiful girl carrying a jug of water. She saw the tired look of the travelers, gave them water to drink and warmed them with warm words. When the disciples with the Lord left him for some distance, they asked: “Teacher! What will be the life of this kind and beautiful girl? To this, the Lord said to them: "She will marry that fierce man." The disciples were saddened and in bewilderment asked why the poor girl had such a punishment? The Lord said: "Her good heart will save the immortal soul of her fierce husband, and she herself will be given a martyr's crown."
This article contains general features. Indeed, everyone has their own destiny, and how to act in a given situation is up to you, dear women. When a husband allows himself to beat his wife, this means that in this situation he can be a spiritually ill person who does not control his actions, and this can be dangerous for the life and health of both his wife and children. In this case, there will be no sin if the wife leaves her husband for the sake of her children, so as not to injure their psyche. It should be remembered that true love is not irritated, forgives everything and never ceases, it is eternal. Church rules do not prohibit divorce and separation of spouses in those cases where adultery has occurred, as well as where there is a threat to the life of the wife and children, and where one of the spouses turned out to be mentally abnormal. We do not advise women who are forced to endure the assault of their husband not to leave him, or vice versa, to endure him. But we advise you to act in such a way that your conscience is clear and calm, that you have done everything in your power to save your husband. We advise the poor women who carry such a heavy Cross to pray more, take communion more often and do good to people.
