European sociologists noted that already at the beginning of our century, in every third couple going down the aisle, the bride was older than her chosen one. And in the US, a third of unmarried women date younger men. The reason for this is the current emancipation of women. Most often, a woman marries a man who is much younger, when she is not at all interested in the material side of the relationship. As a rule, such women have taken place in their careers, are provided with housing and a stable income. Therefore, support in the person of a wealthy spouse is not so important to them. It's no secret that a modern woman can feed and raise children on her own, without the help of a man. Therefore, the basic instinct is freed from social layers, and the fair sex is attracted to young and productive representatives of the stronger sex.
Myths about "unequal" marriage
The life of such a couple is under the scrutiny of others, and there are many who want to devote all their free time to discussing when this union will break up. Public opinion is much more loyal to married couples in which the husband is much older than his wife. Therefore, a woman who decides to link her fate with a young chosen one will have to go through a lot of prejudices and abandon stereotypes before she stops paying attention to the age difference. Let's try to deal with the myths about "unequal" marriage that society imposes and understand that they have nothing to do with reality.
MYTH FIRST. Such a marriage is obviously arranged.
If a man is a gigolo, it does not depend on age at all. Men of this type will not refuse to live at the expense of a woman until old age. And if a young chosen one does not have enough money to pay for dinner in an expensive restaurant, and he invites a woman to an ordinary inexpensive cafe, this does not make him a gigolo at all.
MYTH TWO. The woman will become for him "mommy and nanny."
With a husband of any age, a woman begins to play the role of a nanny and a housewife. In this case, most likely, everything will be just the opposite: a young man will try his best to prove that he is already an adult and knows a lot about everything.
MYTH THREE. Sooner or later he will go to a young girl.
A man can live in an ordinary marriage for twenty years, and then go to the same age as his daughter. And there are many examples from life. No one can guarantee a long-term marriage. Therefore, it is better to just live with your loved one without stupid prejudices.
MYTH FOUR. Marriage of peers is the most stable.
Statistics say the opposite: about 50% of marriages of the same age break up. The reason is the sexual incompatibility of the young couple. The young wife is not yet ready for her husband's sexual activity and does not accept it. Therefore, families where the husband is 10 or more years younger than his wife do not suffer from such problems.
Benefits of such a marriage
Sexologists and psychologists argue that such "unequal" marriages have many chances for stability and longevity. The fact is that in such a marriage, the age of the husband encourages the woman to once again monitor her appearance, besides, the libido of the young husband is at its best, which undoubtedly benefits both. On average, the peak of sexuality in women occurs by the age of 30-40, and the sexiest age of a man is 18-25 years. That is why often an adult woman who has risen to her feet prefers a younger partner. From a sexual point of view, this is the most equal marriage that satisfies the needs of both men and women. A sexually rich life is only beneficial for a woman at any age, and for older ladies, sex with a beloved young man will help them stay beautiful and healthy longer. And most importantly, in alliance with a mature woman, a man “ripens” himself faster, gaining confidence and worldly wisdom. Young men who continue to live in marriage with their more mature wife have demonstrated high professional and educational growth before sociologists, although in such families the wife's leadership often remains.
How to save a relationship
There are special requirements for the appearance of a woman. A young husband is a reason to constantly keep yourself in good shape, monitor your appearance. A woman must always be at her best in order to successfully compete with young girls, so she tries to keep her youth and presentability for as long as possible - after all, appearance is of great importance, no matter how strong love is. In no case should you put your partner in the position of a child, no matter how inexperienced he may be. You can not surround a man with overprotection. A man at any age feels the need for leadership, so it is important to encourage leadership qualities, and not infantilism.
If a woman begins to crush her partner with her authority, takes the reins of government into her own hands, then sooner or later a man will find a less demanding lover. Do not relax, because an "unequal" marriage is more likely to fall apart in the first three years of its existence. Look for the advantages of such a relationship in stable feelings, the absence of tantrums, accusations and suspicions. You should not be jealous of a partner just because he is younger, and be like twenty-year-old girls who are ready to make a scandal at the slightest pretext. We must remember that jealousy is the number one enemy of your relationship. And don't forget that age comes with an obligation to be wiser.
There is no need to tell a man about your fears, forget once and for all the phrase: "Here you grow up - and leave me." No need to make a toy out of a man. If an adult woman reduces the whole point of marriage only to the fact that she does not skimp on financial expenses and gifts for her young husband, and in return expects only sex, then the man will get tired of it sooner or later. Without trust, sincerity and understanding, no relationship will last long.
Examples of a happy "unequal" fight
Of course, happy "unequal" marriages exist! And there are many examples of that. Princess Elizaveta Petrovna was eighteen years older than her second husband. They lived happily twenty years in a secret marriage. Balzac and Laura de Berni, who was twenty-two years older, had been together for a long time. The Prophet Mohammed at the age of seventeen fell in love with the forty-year-old Khadija, his first wife, and loved her for many years, even when he had numerous younger wives. The popular singer Claudia Shulzhenko was twelve and a half years older than her husband Georgy Epifanov. He carried this love throughout his life.
In a word, if a woman is older than a man, then such a couple is doomed to a happy future and the severity of disagreements at the same time, like any other couple. In fact, you should not pay attention to age, because human years are just numbers. And age is judged by the state of the soul and lifestyle. Therefore, look for a person who will become a faithful and reliable support in life, who will please the soul and the eye, who will be able to share one life for two. And let your age difference be big or small, or maybe it just won't exist, because the most important thing is love. And as you know, all ages are submissive to love! Where there is this bright feeling and desire to be together, there will be no reason for quarrels and partings.
We consider it normal if the man in the couple is the same age or older than the woman. Even for 15-20 years. But when it comes to relationships where the woman is older, we not only vehemently condemn such relationships, we stigmatize the woman who enters into such a relationship. Moreover, it is women who show particular rage and uncompromisingness: how is it that young girls do not have enough normal men, and here the “old women” step on their heels? Are they right or is it a banal female envy and narrow-mindedness: it should be, as is customary!?
Accepted by whom, why and most importantly - when? Dear supporters of feudal relations, you should accept the fact that the world is changing and relations, as part of this world, also do not stand still. The most optimal model of the relationship between a man and a woman is always being developed, based on the conditions of the present. And this is not a “translation of arrows”, but real facts that cannot be turned away from.
According to experts, the trend towards creating relationships when a woman is older than a man is gaining momentum, and this is not only about famous couples from show business or cinema. According to statistics, every fifth man chooses a woman 10 years older, and every ninth - with an age difference of more than 15 years. And this is not about a short-term romance, but about a full-fledged relationship.
Psychologists and sociologists say that in most cases this is not a tribute to fashion, but a real sign of our time. Everything seems to be clear with a woman, but why does a man need an older woman? Why does she attract him? And why is the number of such couples steadily growing?
If we discard the prejudices of post-Soviet upbringing, it turns out that mature women have many advantages, thanks to which men choose them, and not their peers. Moreover, most men make this choice consciously, and not according to the principle: choice without choice. Every normal man is pragmatic and evaluates everything according to the degree of rationality and optimality. And today we are not talking about infantile sissies or gigolos - no. It's about men who have realized the clear benefits of a relationship with a woman older than themselves. True, some men do not realize these benefits immediately, but after some time, being in a relationship with a more mature woman. But these are details. Let's get to the heart of the matter.
I am sure that one of the main advantages of an older woman is her sexual emancipation. Adult women are the best mistresses, they, as a rule, are not shy about their desires, because. they know how to fully concentrate on their feelings, they know how to give both themselves and their man real pleasure. A mature woman gives herself to the process entirely, not caring about what is possible and what is not.
An adult woman attracts a man with her independence. She does not need to be coddled and entertained. She will not make a scene if a man does not call for some reason for a "whole" hour. And this is not only a real saving of time and efforts of a man, and with an almost identical result in the end. And often more interesting. What am I talking about?
It is much more interesting to spend time with an adult woman, communicate, discuss, discuss various topics from politics to joint weekends. Education, awareness, life experience - these traits attract many men.
A smart, independent mature woman will never restrict the freedom of her man. After all, she has her own interesting, eventful life, she does not need to be entertained and entertained all the time - this is a one-way game, and for a serious relationship, investments are needed from both sides. Therefore, it is more comfortable for a man to be in a relationship with an accomplished woman. And although the appearance of a woman is very important for men, nevertheless, for a considerable number of men, interest, independence and trust are more attractive than the elastic muscles of the buttocks or chest.
Why does a man need an older woman? There are legends about the emotionality of women and especially young girls. Girls often play real dramas and make scandals, which is called "out of the blue." For example, if a man does not call the day after a date or follows another girl with his eyes. An adult independent woman will not become hysterical or throw a jealousy scene about this, she will be able to maintain her composure in any situation. Even truly critical. Why? Yes, because she has considerable experience in responding to such situations. And then she knows how to distinguish the main from the secondary, so she won’t needlessly wag the nerves of her beloved man. And no one needs unbalanced persons, a man wants to see an adequate woman next to him.
Adult women know the secrets of relationships in a couple, many of them have learned to bypass the traps. They understand where it is necessary to insist on their own opinion, and where it is worth giving in, which cannot be said about young inexperienced women. Adult women have more experience in serious relationships, so it is not difficult for them to find a solution that suits both. In addition, they have significantly fewer illusions about a man, so it is not particularly difficult for them to put up with some of his features of his character or habits. An adequate adult woman has no reason to compete or fight with a man, she clearly understands how important it is to live with a man who is sensitive to your desires and mood.
Another important factor. A girl often does not appreciate a man, taking his care, attention and help for granted. In addition, she likes to attract the attention of other men around. She flirts with them not only to boost her self-esteem, but often to make her man jealous in order to manipulate him. Adequate loving woman first of all, she will think about the feelings of a man, about his ability to trust her, because it was not in vain that he chose her. It is very important for absolutely every man to know that he is the best and the woman is faithful to him. Loyalty is the basis of trust and it is this quality that underlies any happy relationship.
A mature woman, according to female psychology in a relationship, understands herself and her needs well. Therefore, in a relationship with a man, she will not play cat and mouse, but will immediately clearly show that she needs him. Knowing and understanding herself, as well as well distinguishing true values from imaginary ones, an adult woman truly appreciates the time spent with her beloved, and knows how to be grateful to a man, which distinguishes her favorably from a younger woman. Men really appreciate it.
What else gives a man an alliance with a more mature woman? Every smart man is looking for opportunities for development. Not every adult independent woman is the owner of a large business with an influential environment, but she has already achieved something in life, has taken place as a person, has considerable experience, she is pragmatic and active. A smart man will not miss such a chance for his own development. After all, passion weakens after the first, but deep understanding, resonance, intimacy, trust and experience remain and become an elevator that lifts both partners up.
Yes, it is worth recognizing that not only normal adequate men are drawn to mature women, but also oversized infantiles stuck in childhood, gigolos of all stripes and simply insecure personalities. But what can such a man offer an adult, independent smart woman? Therefore, it is unlikely that he will linger for a long time next to her.
First of all, it is a matter of accepting your age and yourself. It doesn't matter what others say about you, but what you think about yourself. To be able to accept your age means to find beauty, joy, interest, depth, clarity, advantages in it. This is not easy, but not impossible for a person with intelligence.
Living with a man younger than yourself means not only trying to be in good physical shape, taking care of yourself, paying special attention to your appearance and emotions. First of all, it means being able and able to maintain its rhythm of life, and in every sense: physical movement, thought process, development as a person, etc. This is, first of all, her ease of uplift, energy, desire for change.
You should not turn into a "mommy" for your beloved, who constantly educates him, just as you should not become his "daughter", lisp with him, calling him by all means diminutive nicknames. This is a sin of many women and not only of Balzac age, who have a relationship with a man much younger than themselves.
If you have chosen such a relationship, then you need a clear balance: not a “mommy” and not a “daughter”, but an adult smart woman.
The second factor. Don't do something "in his name". This is a dead end with all the consequences - expectations, grievances, claims and other ballast crap.
And finally the third. Don't fixate on competitors. Always keep your eyes on yourself and compare yourself to yourself yesterday. And do not forget that activity, vigor, creativity, versatile interests and ease of climbing really attract men at any age.
Love to you and a strong serious relationship!
In what cases do women decide to marry men who are much older than them? And what does this most “much older” mean? ... For some, even 5 years is a big difference, and for some, mature partners with a difference of 15 years are thrilled. Everything is tritely simple and not new for a long time. In the ranking of the reasons for such a bold marriage, love takes the first place. Say what you like, but grown men can easily fall in love with a young girl. They have experience, and courage, and wisdom, self-confidence and even excessive insolence, such knights know exactly what they want and take it. The second place in the ranking of reasons is self-interest. With this, everything is clear.
Few will refuse a successful and rich boyfriend, albeit with possible wrinkles and gray hair. Further in the rating - “What if it doesn’t turn up better ?!”. This reason is mostly close to girls with low self-esteem or little experience in amorous affairs. In fact, there can be many reasons for jumping out to marry a mature applicant, but the most important and interesting begins after the stamp in the passport.
Here the relationships themselves become more important, or rather their psychology. If everything starts very well, then sooner or later, as in any relationship, problems, questions and mutual claims appear. The psychology of relationships if a man is 10 years older, this is not just a topic for a bachelorette party or an article in a magazine, these are real anxieties, fears and experiences. It will be difficult for an ordinary layman who has not encountered this kind of relationship to understand the whole essence of possible problems.
The advice of girlfriends who do not have such experience is likely to be ridiculous, useless and even stupid. And if a girl has decided to connect her life with a mature man, she must be ready to always behave with dignity, at the appropriate level and in all situations that arise, think with her head and not be led by her own emotions.
There are a lot of rules in love relationships that are applicable in military strategy and tactics. For example, underestimating your partner. Women who are younger, more energetic and more obstinate than their partners are for some reason very confident in themselves and their abilities. And sometimes, having taken off too high, they don’t even notice how they lose respect and interest in their person in the eyes of a loved one. Excessive self-confidence allows you to underestimate your partner. And at the most unexpected moment, the man leaves. Yes, yes, yes ... the one who is 10 years older, who has gray hair and a boring stomach ulcer. Conclusion: for a man, age is not a barrier or a stopper. A man at any age can change his life, his woman and his family. Yes, it's a shame, it's sad, but that's how the world was created. Men tolerate breakups more easily and make decisions easier and faster.
Another of the common female mistakes that are in relationships with older men is the provocation of jealousy. Sometimes a girl worries about withered passion in a relationship. Anxiety about the evaporated interest in one's person, the coldness that has arisen and even apparent indifference, does not give rest. And here, the first thing that comes to mind is to make jealous. Of course, "I'm young, beautiful, but he's older and not as handsome as before"! Under no circumstances should you use this tool. Adult men are experienced, they immediately understand everything and draw conclusions. But the result of such techniques is rarely "happy endings." Conclusion: jealousy is not the best lever that should be thoughtlessly pressed.
When a man makes a difficult decision for him to have a relationship with a young girl, he certainly does not expect that over time he may hear reproaches about his age. And do not flatter yourself with illusions that he will not “pull” younger than you. If a man was able to successfully realize himself in a relationship in which there is a difference between partners of 10 years, then 15 years will not be a problem for him. Therefore, you should not bring up this sensitive topic at every opportunity. 27 )
Under the crust of the brain, we have written that only peers can enter into marriage. Therefore, when we see a couple of different ages, it seems unnatural and surprising. There are families where a man is 10, 20, or even 30 years older than a woman, and there are not so few of them.
Let's try to understand where these exceptions come from. Let's start with female psychology.
Women are divided into three groups according to their behavior in marriage:
A woman by nature develops faster. And it turns out that peers do not meet either the psychological or intellectual needs of girls.
Therefore, they like men who are much older. Twenty-year-old girls are interested in thirty-year-old young men. Reach out to them for experience, intelligence, maturity.
Such a couple can hardly be called peers, but still they are both representatives of the same generation. They have common music, cinema and heroes. In this pair, the man is a more experienced partner, he knows a lot and much better.
Such couples are not uncommon in society and are not surprising. In the traditions of the past, the age difference of 10 years was considered a reference.
Such a man will be chosen as a husband by a woman who is largely in need of protection, support, patronage.
Definitely, this is a woman-daughter, who in adulthood still feels like a child, weak and defenseless. Perhaps the feeling of insecurity was born in childhood, especially if there was no father in the family. The "little girl" is implicitly looking for this strong image in a man - the image of a father. Therefore, a man 15, 20, or even 30 years older will attract her.
A man at the age of forty or more already has financial well-being, a successful career and material well-being. With such a man, it is initially comfortable to start a family life. A woman is aware that a wealthy serious adult man can fully guarantee a stable, serious marriage in which children can be safely planned.
A man older than 15 years or more attracts with his serious attitude to life and marriage. He appreciates family comfort and all the preferences of the family as such. Such men are wiser, they have previous experience of personal relationships. They are capable of compromise.
If a man is much older, he is more experienced in dealing with women. He knows how to make something pleasant, what gifts and flowers to give.
There are still cases when women choose a husband much older than themselves, focusing on his professional and life success. For example, young actresses marry older venerable directors. Nurses are for famous surgeons, and so on.
Here the image of the spouse is idealized in connection with his high objective assessment. A man as a luminary of science or art is attractive precisely for this. A person who has earned the honor and respect of a huge number of people causes respect and interest. The authority of such a husband for his wife is enormous. As well as admiration for his professional skills.
Relations with an older man promise a young woman help in her own career or creativity.
Marrying an older man, a woman feels under guardianship and patronage. Almost 100% leader in such an alliance will be a man. It will have decision-making and leadership roles. This is very appealing to pronounced "daughter" type women who are afraid to be decisive and adults.
One of the main problems is the obvious gap in interests. This is due to the fact that if a man is 13 years older, the husband and wife are people of different generations. Each of them grew up on different music, different fairy tales, read different literature. In adulthood, they form a different social circle according to their age.
At the initial stage of family relations, this is imperceptible. The couple are passionate about their passion. A few years later, when the first veil of love passes, these problems appear in almost every family of different ages. They become difficult and bored with each other.
If at the age of 20 a wife quite normally perceives a difference with her husband of 20 or more years, then after 10 years this difference can turn into a problem.
A 30-year-old woman at the peak of her physical form and a 50-year-old man in the process of sexual withering: how can they be fully together? The sexual appetites of a young woman and the desire for peace in a 50-year-old husband create conflicts in the family.
This is directly related to age. The young partner longs for development, growth, movement, while the other is already tired of the life race and, on the contrary, is looking for a safe haven and peace.
It turns out that by the age of forty the young wife has built a successful career, full of energy and positive, and her elderly husband is already a pensioner who prefers a sofa and a book. The different rhythm of two people is a threat to such a marriage.
It’s good if an adult spouse turns out to be an active and active young wife. In this case, the marriage will be strong.
It has been noticed that a young wife next to her older husband becomes older purely visually and internally. They seem to change energy. She gives him youth, and he gives her maturity. A young wife with an adult husband becomes calmer, more leisurely, more sedate.
In such relationships, there is almost always a place for jealousy. The unequal positions of both lead to the emergence of distrust, neurosis. An elderly spouse may be jealous of a young spouse, realistically assessing his and her sexual needs.
The family of a young girl will dissuade from such a marriage, stressing the ever-increasing age difference over time. Friends of an adult man will suspect the young wife of self-interest.
Another disadvantage in a relationship with an adult man is his past. As a rule, behind the shoulders of a man is an unsuccessful marriage and, possibly, children. These relationships will not disappear without a trace from his life. The young wife will have to come to terms with the fact that in their family life will constantly pop up ex-wife and children from a previous marriage. And it's a heavy load.
To create normal intra-family relations, a young wife will need a large share of wisdom, tact and patience.
A man who has got a woman much younger than himself as his wife thus proves his worth in many areas of life, for example, in sex, in social status. A young wife nearby is proof of a man's success.
With a young wife, a man feels much younger. He begins to monitor his health and appearance in order to match his wife. He has an influx of energy and positive.
An adult man already has, as a rule, the experience of family life and divorce. His attitude towards the female sex was formed under the yoke of negative personal experience, where a woman acted as an irritant and a source of problems. In this regard, the man is pessimistic about his peers, considering them already formed personalities, with whom it is not easy to find mutual language and build good relationships.
With a young girl, everything is much easier. The character is not fully formed, the young diva looks at an experienced man with undisguised delight and admiration. In such a pair, a man feels more confident and stronger. He plays a leading role. He patronizes, patronizes, manages, teaches.
Still, many men, marrying a young girl, idealize the upcoming marriage and see in their spouse only a kind, caring hostess who will constantly bother at the family nest.
Sometimes such men find it difficult to see in their wife a mature adult who needs a career and her own separate life.
Having described all the pros and cons of a relationship with an older man, it should be noted that there are a lot of examples around us where a man is much older than his wife.
Here are some of the famous couples:
All of the above couples have proven their love over time.
And how many examples of new unions, where husbands are suitable for their wives as fathers, and even as grandfathers. Only time will tell how strong such an amazing relationship turned out to be:
Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin wrote back in the 19th century: “All ages are submissive to love…”. Ages succeed each other, but love remains. Only mutual respect, tact and wisdom will help to keep this feeling for years.
And the age difference is just a number. Let them remain them, on paper!
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According to the traditions that have developed among almost all peoples of the world, at all times men preferred to marry young girls. And this has been happening for centuries.
Such a choice of a man was considered quite natural. After all, the spouse was considered as a breadwinner and a hunter. He had to support his family, and therefore he must already be an adult and an accomplished person. The young wife was assigned the role of a caring wife, giving birth to her husband's children and giving him rest from business.
Of course, such marriages were not always ideal. The fact that the man was older than the woman, you can see both pluses and minuses. However, times have changed. Today, it is increasingly possible to meet such marriages when a woman is older than a man by 10 years, or even more. And it doesn't come as much of a surprise to anyone. How strong are such alliances? What problems await couples of different ages? Let's try to understand this issue.
What does statistics say about families where the wife is 10 years older than her husband? According to her data, the number of such marriages is steadily increasing. For example, in the capital of Russia, the city of Moscow, 60,000 new families are formed in just one year. Of these, almost 1 thousand are marriages in which the woman is older than the man by 10 years or more. The data of Moscow sociologists indicate that there is also a large number of so-called civil unions of different ages. There are five times more of them than those that are officially registered. Interestingly, the city of Philadelphia (USA) occupies the leading place in the world in terms of the number of marriages of different ages, where the partner is older than the man.
What are the most common marital relationships with a woman 10 years older? In this case, not only age plays an important role. Of great importance for building relationships in the family are the psychological characteristics of each of the spouses. Not the last are the personal characteristics of partners, as well as their value system.
Experts are sure that tying your relationship only to age is not worth it. The fact that the wife is 10 years older matters only when it affects almost all areas of married life.
The strength of such a union to a large extent depends on the perception of age (both one's own and the partner's), as well as on the distribution of leadership roles in the family. A sense of mutual respect, as well as self-esteem of each of the spouses, also becomes important. And this, as a rule, depends on the level of culture that people have, on their life values and attitudes.
Why do men seek marriages of different ages? The woman is older, and therefore more experienced. Many representatives of the stronger sex just like it.
Very often, brides turn out to be older than their suitors, if they have this Mature woman already knows exactly what she wants. It is distinguished by openness and life experience behind it. She does not hide her aspirations, and in this regard, a man is very interested in her in all respects. For him, such communication is also an excellent life school.
In addition, the fact that a man fell in love with a woman 10 years older may indicate his unpopularity among his peers. In such cases, such young people often develop comfortable and very reliable relationships only with mature ladies.
If a woman is 10 years older than a man, then she, most likely, has already taken place professionally and has managed to achieve success by climbing the career ladder. A good job allows her to be financially independent and not need the financial support of her husband.
How is this issue considered in psychology? A woman 10 years older than a man, with her financial independence, will definitely act as a teacher. Her partner will get the role of the student. In other words, in such a relationship, desires unconscious by both partners will always be realized. One of them (namely a woman) will strive for leadership, and the second (man) - for submission. In cases where both partners have just such motives, their relationship will be quite comfortable.
It is known that sexual relations play an important role in any marriage, including those of different ages. What does psychology say about this side of the question? A woman older than a man by 10 years, with an ardent temperament, needs the attention of her partner. Her desire to have an active sex life is not always able to satisfy a peer. That is why, most often, on a subconscious level, such a woman starts looking for a young partner. At the same time, during intimate meetings, she is not at all a passive participant in them. Most often, such ladies act as an equal partner or even a leader.
How else can you explain the emergence of a relationship when a woman in a couple is 10 years older? The reason for this may be hypertrophied maternal instinct. After all, such women are already independent and adults. Some of them could not realize themselves in motherhood, while others have grown up children and do not need their care. In this case, a young man can act as a child.
This type of marriage is considered complimentary. This name comes from the French word complementaire, which means “to complement”. Relations between spouses in such a marriage are built in the form of "parent-child". In other words, a woman in such a relationship performs parental functions.
What are the causes of such marriages? They lie in the structure of the personality of the husband and wife. As a rule, these are people who are dependent on relationships and have unmet needs for affection and parental love.
If an unequal marriage is concluded and a woman is 10 years older than her partner, then psychologists say that such age difference makes such an alliance more vulnerable. Of course, real feelings can arise between people. But it is known that all ages are submissive to love. However, not all the most romantic, passionate and vibrant relationships can pass the test of truth. Some of them are destroyed under the influence of everyday life, others are defenseless against the inexorably current time, the third have irreconcilable contradictions, and the fourth cannot withstand the difficulties that come with the advent of a child. At the same time, psychologists are of the opinion that in families in which the spouse is younger than their soulmate, the chances of a happy existence decrease with an increase in the age difference between husband and wife.
Of course, marriages between peers are not immune from trials. And this is confirmed by the current divorce statistics. However, in those unions where the age difference is expressed not in favor of the man, there are many additional risk factors.
Is it worth building a relationship with a woman 10 years older? Many young men are attracted to such ladies by self-confidence, independence and independence. But it should be borne in mind that these qualities are far from always a positive side for family life. In a house where matriarchy reigns, a man unwittingly plays secondary roles. Of course, for the time being, this may well suit him. However, after the spouse feels mature enough and self-sufficient, conflicts will certainly arise.
There is another point that is connected with children. If the mother is 10 years older than the father and controls him, then the child will certainly feel the fall of the father's authority. Naturally, this will definitely affect his relationship with him. At the same time, the self-esteem of a man as a father will also suffer.
Sometimes, when a woman is 10 years older than a man, she begins to overprotect and teach her husband. And sometimes a wife tries to become a favorite "girl" for her lover. In this case, the relationship becomes invalid and cannot be harmonious. So, if a woman communicates with a young spouse like a mother, then in return from his side she receives devotion and respect. In such a situation, the spouse does not seek to have children, because her husband plays the role of the child. Helping in the formation of her own "I", the wife most often forgets about her interests and about her life. She focuses so much on the desires and feelings of her husband that she ceases to understand her desires and feelings.
According to psychologists, such a risk can be avoided. But at the same time, a woman should not talk to her lover as if she were a small child. She should not explicitly emphasize the difference in age, as well as her wisdom, success, experience, stress resistance, and life experience. After all, husband and wife are first and foremost partners. And ideally, they should communicate as equals, based on the “adult-adult” model. And this should apply to all aspects of life.
If a woman is 10 years older, the compatibility of spouses is sometimes called into question due to the fact that they are not representatives of the same generation. So, a young husband may like noisy companies, where he will strive with all his heart. The wife will like quiet evenings and home comfort.
Or she prefers theater, and he loves computer games, etc. If there are no common interests, then such a fact will certainly make the difference in age even more tangible. In this case, there is a high probability of significant disagreements between spouses.
As a rule, a man matures much later for fatherhood than a woman for motherhood. And if the wife is 10 years older than her husband, then this problem is even more aggravated. A mature woman has an urgent need to become a mother and give birth to a child. But the future father, most likely, believes that he still needs to "live for himself", that he is "not ready" or "did not get on his feet."
Well, if a child does appear, then a man who is used to the tender care of his beloved suddenly discovers that he lacks attention. This fact is a classic cause of intra-family conflicts.
If the wife in the family is older than her husband, then she most likely already has experience in building marital relations. Most likely, she already has children. Of course, this situation is quite common. However, such a child, even without suspecting it himself, is a kind of catalyst for marital relations. And if there are hidden problems in the relationship of the newlyweds, they will certainly discover and exacerbate them. Often, the presence of a child separates two people who wholeheartedly want to be together, but are not able to work together to overcome the difficulties that have arisen.
According to psychologists, a woman who has married a man much younger than herself seeks to increase her self-esteem. And this is quite natural. After all, it is unlikely that a spouse who is not self-confident will be a good wife. She will begin to suspect a man of infidelity, will begin to demand any evidence of the sincerity of his feelings. In addition, her grievances will arise literally out of the blue. However, not all women are able to remain self-confident at the moment when they begin to show signs of aging, and the husband enters the heyday of attractiveness. It is also sad that many young spouses, over time, suddenly begin to realize that their marriage was unsuccessful and “trial”.
It has long been established that partners who live together become very similar to each other over time, not only in character, but also in appearance. At the same time, because of his age, the young spouse is waiting for big changes than his soulmate. A man will make every effort to grow up to the level of his betrothed. The woman will certainly help him in this, passing on her life experience, as well as the wisdom that has already come over the years. She constantly pushes and inspires her beloved to new achievements, while protecting and supporting him. Without wives who play the role of an older friend, such men feel lonely. Psychologists note that it is in such pairs that the partner quickly achieves self-confidence, achieving positive results in the emotional state, as well as in climbing the career ladder.
The role of the young spouse is also important. He brings romance to family relationships, and also introduces his wife to modern trends, for example, those related to computer technology. Due to his age, such a husband will not limit the actions of a woman, as well as instruct or reproach her. The wife will appreciate it very much. With such a husband, she will certainly feel self-confident, more free.
Based on this, it can be argued that a marriage in which a woman is 10 years older than a man is beneficial to both. The wife supports and "grows" her beloved, cultivating useful qualities in him and helping to get on his feet. For a woman, such a marriage is good because her life becomes filled with meaning. It increases self-esteem through a sense of self-importance. Being near young man, she feels more confident, joyful, young and free.
Many psychologists are familiar with the mood of women who are married to young men. From the very beginning of the relationship, such ladies begin to tune in to the fact that their union will certainly fall apart. Women are more than sure that they have only a few years of family happiness ahead of them. And they agree to it. However, psychologists warn that such an attitude can lead to underlying self-doubt. In this case, the woman will begin to get nervous, feel powerless, or become depressed. The reason for all these states is the fear of losing the betrothed, which can cause the spouse to make rather serious mistakes. Psychologists recommend never reminding a man that he is younger. In addition, the spouse should not give vent to her jealousy. Indeed, in this case, her partner will feel like a puppy who is kept on a short leash. The absence of external negative emotions will allow you to maintain love and respect in the family.
Often a woman on a subconscious level tunes in to an inevitable divorce, believing that it simply cannot be otherwise. Psychologists in this case recommend remembering that a person’s thoughts are material. That is why they recommend giving a slightly different setup, which will be more optimistic. Of course, relationships in marriage will certainly develop, consistently passing through various stages. They just can't be perfect all the time. The transition from one stage to another is accompanied by a series of crises. And this is a common thing for any relationship and couples, regardless of the age of the spouses. Of course, age difference can be a problem. However, it is the same for those families where the wife is older than the husband, and for those where she is younger than him.
Psychologists believe that you should not give up on relationships that are believed to have no future. There is no single recipe for making decisions about whether or not to be such a marriage. Everything will depend on the specific case. After all, all ages are submissive to love. This feeling is not subject to any rules, and for it there are no boundaries. If a woman wants to be desired and loved and knows how to achieve this, then she will certainly save her family. After all, unions created on sincere and mutual feelings cannot be hindered by any restrictions. Each couple has its own formula of love and ideal relationships, which allows them to be together. But if this is not the case, then the age difference, which is significant, will only hasten the separation.
