Asks: Sergey, Nizhny Tagil
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Chronic diseases: not specified
Hello, my situation is not very pleasant, the fact is that we started dating a girl almost a year ago, before that we were friends for 7 years. Everything was fine with us, in January of this year we submitted an application to the registry office, and in the same month, but a little later, we found out that the girl was pregnant, our happiness knows no bounds, we love each other very much and were just in 7th heaven with happiness, then when she began to have toxicosis, she temporarily retired to her grandmother, she just wanted to be with her, as she explained to me, returning home, our relationship was still excellent. But a month ago, she went to her grandmother and wrote to me that she wanted to live with her and that she didn’t want to communicate with me and see me. Maybe this is my mistake, but I could not help coming at all, so sometimes I came to visit and support her, it seemed that she didn’t have hatred for me at that time. And 2 weeks ago she went to another city to another grandmother and now she is there, when I called her she said that everything was over between us and that was the point, without even explaining the reasons. When I was at work, her sister took all her things from my house, now there is no connection with the girl at all, relatives also do not want to communicate with me. I love her very much and our unborn child and really want them to be near. Maybe it's toxicosis, we have 13 weeks, but she still feels sick very often. At that time, I was annoying in the sense that I constantly called to find out how things were going and if I needed to help in some way, maybe this is the reason ?! Without them, life has become completely empty, sometimes even bad thoughts come into my head, but thinking about a child, everything cools down for a while. If it's not difficult for you, please help with advice on what to do now?
Don't forget to rate the doctors' answers, help us improve them by asking additional questions on the topic of this question.
Also do not forget to thank the doctors.
Hello Sergey.
The girl has already given you the answer. This is "no". But you do not want to put up with it and it is important to at least listen to the explanations. For example, in order not to repeat mistakes. But the reason might be. not related to you. Therefore, clarifying the relationship may not help you in any way.
To live together, love alone is not enough. There's a lot more to match. In your case, apparently, it did not match.
If a friend did not promise to return, then you should let her go forever.
If you did not find the information you need among the answers to this question, or if your problem is slightly different from the one presented, try asking additional question doctor on the same page, if he is on the topic of the main question. you also can ask a new question, and after a while our doctors will answer it. It's free. You can also search for relevant information in similar questions on this page or through the site search page. We will be very grateful if you recommend us to your friends in in social networks.
Medportal site provides medical consultations in the mode of correspondence with doctors on the site. Here you get answers from real practitioners in your field. At the moment, on the site you can get advice in 49 areas: allergist, anesthesiologist-resuscitator, venereologist , gastroenterologist, hematologist , genetics , gynecologist , homeopath , dermatologist , pediatric gynecologist, pediatric neurologist, pediatric urologist, pediatric surgeon, pediatric endocrinologist, nutritionist , immunologist , infectious disease specialist , cardiologist , cosmetologist , speech therapist , ENT specialist , mammologist , medical lawyer, narcologist , neuropathologist , neurosurgeon , nephrologist , nutritionist , oncologist , oncourologist , orthopedist-traumatologist, ophthalmologist , pediatrician , plastic surgeon, proctologist , psychiatrist , psychologist , pulmonologist , rheumatologist , radiologist , sexologist-andrologist, dentist , urologist , pharmacist , herbalist , phlebologist , surgeon , endocrinologist .
We answer 96.7% of questions.
Stay with us and be healthy!
Good afternoon! I have such an impasse now ... I’ll tell you in more detail to make the situation clearer from the very beginning. She’s 20 and 26 years old. I met a girl for half a year, everything was fine, she got pregnant. insanely happy about this, I was also very happy about this event. And then everything went to hell, probably a month later. In mid-September, I went on a business trip for 3 days to Odessa and was really very busy. I was driving for a day) fell asleep for the whole day, when I woke up I went into contact and saw my girlfriend had a bad status, I immediately called her and asked what was wrong, she was in tears and hung up, I blew up and flew to her to find out what was wrong She began to cry that I was so bad and didn’t call her for 4 days more than once and don’t worry about her, but strangers say people are more worried, she says that Dad blows dust off her in general. I explained everything to her that I was busy and almost there was no time for talking. He asked for an apology and said that more so Wow, everything went well, it seemed that some plans were planned well. to work in Cherkasy by bus. I offered her to ride with me in a car to work, but she will arrive an hour earlier and I will also pick up after work, this did not suit her because she loves to sleep. She only offered me one option it’s renting an apartment in Cherkassy. In principle, I didn’t mind, but I didn’t understand why throwing out 2 thousand every month if we have a place to live, and even more so in a luxurious apartment. Because of this, we started to swear, we couldn’t find a common compromise, then we quarreled very much and I stopped calling and writing to her. I was only scared for 3 days, then I still realized that I was doing the wrong thing. I went to buy a large bouquet of roses and went to her to apologize, she screamed that I I don’t give a fuck about a child that I still can’t decide whether I need them. I convinced her that I really need them and I won’t be able to live without them, we met in a cafe in the evening, sat and talked in a calm atmosphere and decided that we would shoot apartment. The search for an apartment began, we were looking for about a week, and we got a very chic option 2 apartment with a fresh renovation, everything suited us and we moved. She was very glad that we moved, everything went fine the first week and then everything went to the jamb . They started arguing over trifles in general, he says that I’m not used to living in families (this is true, I already live separately from my parents for 6 years and grew up without a father) and I probably didn’t understand some things, we sat down and talked and I understood my mistakes and corrected them. It’s been since week 2, everything was fine with us, then I was offended by her, but I don’t remember why and didn’t really want to talk to her, but somehow she didn’t even try to talk to me (offended by your problems) And she went to her parents, I call her and ask what happened, you don’t want to talk to me, why should I live with such a person who doesn’t want to talk to me being in the same apartment, we talked with her, I apologized and she returned. Another week passed , she was somehow out of mood constantly and somehow not willingly talking to me, I tried to find out what was wrong, she said that everything was fine, just tired at work. I hugged and kissed her, stroked her tummy every day to somehow cheer her up , but she's still in no mood. It's just parents went to Russia for an exhibition, she asked to stay with her parents for several days, I didn’t mind, we lived there for 2 days, on day 3 we returned home, and it turns out I had a day off and she was at work and I went about my business then her I had to ride around the city with business, in the late afternoon I just returned home. Then I went to pick her up from work, we went to the store, bought food and went home. When she went into the kitchen and saw that the dishes had not been washed and started screaming that I they say I was at home and couldn’t wash the dishes, it surprised me so much as if it was part of my duties and I didn’t fulfill them, I didn’t want to quarrel and run around her, I took the bag and left for training, I would have washed it if it were normal she asked me, I’m tired, I want to rest, wash the dishes, I would get up and wash without questions, but this one was said as if I had to. an hour back home, I told her what to when you are going to call me, I will come and pick you up. She came by taxi, bought and we went to bed, I tried to talk to her and make amends for what she told me that she didn’t want to talk to me, then she turned on the TV, I asked politely make it quieter, why can she scream at me at all? I tell her that you don’t need to talk to me like that, I treat you with respect and love, she snorted, got dressed and went home. The next day I called her to ask if she was going to home? To which she answered me no. ..I won’t live with you anymore..after 3 days she came and took things, I helped her collect and translate. I paid for the apartment, I paid for expenses and food, every week I gave her 1000 UAH for her expenses .Now she is in the hospital for conservation, came to her hospital twice, brought fruit. At the last meeting, she began to say that I would not come anymore, she did not want to see me, she new life in which I am not, live your life and I will live mine, says that he does not love me and there are no feelings. Through friends, he learned that she does not want to put up, says that it is hard for us together, that I am not the person with whom she wants to live .Of course, I really want her back so that there would be a normal full-fledged family.
Tolik78
Anatoly, 38, no family
Hello, I have such a problem, I met a girl half a year ago, before she had another, she has a daughter, 4 years old, we lived for two years. I raised the child as my own, since I don’t have my own, I am 38 years old. We planned our child, but she became pregnant, but since she likes to drink beer and cocktails, smokes, there was a rejection. I endured all this, we decided to try again, but it didn’t suit me when she came a little drunk, I cook food at home, work with the child, and that’s it. The negative was piling up. And one day I could not stand it and told her to leave. Gathered and brought her things.
After that, I was introduced to another, she is 32 years old, her name is Alena. She is from a remote village, she does not drink or smoke, she is an ideal mother for a child. In the city, she has a one-room apartment, inherited from her grandfather, she is the eldest child in the family. He works as an administrator in a store, the salary by today's standards is not big. He dresses modestly. I work as a dental technician, I rarely drink, I like to do household chores, I cook, I make original preparations for the winter, I have my own three-room apartment. I have been dreaming of starting a family for a very long time, but there were no suitable options.
In general, we began to live together with me, at first everything was fine, we lived in perfect harmony. I took care of her, since she did not have enough money, I began to dress her, put on shoes, in general, lived on my money, I am not a greedy person and very kind. Then suddenly appeared old girl, she began to write to me, but she wrote banal things: - How are you, about my life she asked that Her daughter misses me. Of course, I missed you too, but I tried to endure. We parted with her as friends, I didn’t see the point in swearing, we just couldn’t live together. Alyona new girl I saw that she was writing, and began to make scandals for me, but for my part I explained that there was nothing between us, she just could not yet realize our parting. Then I found out that she (The ex-girlfriend got a man), I was glad that she would be distracted from me. And the previous girl Alena had this stuck in her head for a long time, but it seemed to me that she had calmed down. We jointly decided that we would have a baby, she became pregnant, now she is 10 weeks pregnant. When I found out that she was pregnant, I was just happy, but something broke in her, she left me and lived alone for a whole week. She didn't talk to me. We bought tickets for a holiday in Vietnam. We flew away, but nothing has changed there, for two weeks she practically did not talk to me, they lived like neighbors, I gave her an expensive gift, made an offer to marry. Courted her there, because she is pregnant.
When we flew out, it was not our fault that we were late for our plane, we had to buy new tickets, which hit our budget hard. Instead of somehow providing moral support, she made me a scandal in a foreign country, on the basis of jealousy, to ex girlfriend, because she asked how the rest was and only, Alena saw it, climbed into my phone. We flew home and three days later she decided to leave me. For all that I have done for her, she never said thank you. I decided to punish her somehow, said that let her take her things and leave in what she came in (maybe, of course, in vain?). She left, and in the evening when I came home from work, I found that she had taken everything she had bought while I was not at home. Starting with little things from toothpaste, to soap and things, even all sorts of souvenirs and sweets that I bought for us in Vietnam. I took all the checks, it's not clear why. I was offended by her behavior and at the same time funny, such a petty person.
I called her mother, maybe she knows why she behaves like this with me, my mother literally started yelling at me that I kicked her pregnant daughter out, that I was almost the last bastard, my husband doesn’t live with her either, because that can not stand her character. I tried to explain to her that I did not refuse the child and Alena, I want a normal, full-fledged family. I myself grew up without a father and I know what it is, my mother drank, dragged men who wanted me to call them dads. Constant swearing from my mother to hers, and I decided that I would never have this. Alena's mother began to say that they would raise the child themselves, and they did not need me. But the mother lives in a remote village, where communication is bad, the nearest village is 22 km away. On the forest road and they have no money. Besides, he lives there. younger brother with your family.
The option of being a coming dad does not suit me, the child should grow up in a normal, full-fledged family. I love Alena very much and I want to be with her, she says that the feelings have faded, but were they? But how can you conceive a child without feelings, I do not understand? It's not a toy. Alena lies a lot and does not finish speaking, to my friends, to my mother. I don’t know what to do in this situation, she flatly refuses to return
Tolik78, hello! In the situation you describe, it is not up to you alone to choose whether to be an incoming dad or live as a family. There is also the desire of your woman who is pregnant. Her opinion is just as important as yours. If she does not want to live with you, you will not be able to change anything. So you need to build relationships with her and negotiate.
Tolik78
Tolik78, hello! In the situation you describe, it is not up to you alone to choose whether to be an incoming dad or live as a family. There is also the desire of your woman who is pregnant. Her opinion is just as important as yours. If she does not want to live with you, you will not be able to change anything. So you need to build relationships with her and negotiate.
Build relationships and not hope that she will return?
Tolik78, no one but your girlfriend can tell you if she wants to come back or not. Only she herself can decide this issue.
Judging by the fact that you ignored her opinion and continued to correspond with your ex (because "she still cannot realize our breakup"), you did not really take into account the interests and desires of your current pregnant friend. You did what you wanted, even if your pregnant friend felt bad about it. At the same time, your ex-girlfriend did not really need your support and attention - she already had a new man. As a result, your pregnant friend saw that you act only on the basis of your desires, ignoring her opinion and requests, and left you.
Tolik78
An old friend wrote to me, not me to her
Question to the psychologist:
A woman left me at the 4th month of pregnancy. She is 35 years old. Informing me that WE are expecting a baby, she added that it would be nice to live separately. After six months of living together. Arriving from a business trip, I did not find her at home. I took my coffee machine and cat, went to live with my mother, motivating that it would be right, we are next to each other anyway ... ". She called ten times a day, asked what I was doing, told me what she was doing. Then the relationship began to deteriorate more and more, they began to meet less often, call up less often ... And at one fine moment, in a telephone conversation, she said, “Yes, I don’t want to live with you. To love each other, it is not necessary to live together ... We take care of each other so well ... ". When asked why and what will happen next, she answered" ... I don’t want to live just like that ... and in general, lately, we often fought because of my kitty ... What will happen next, I don’t know ... ". She burst into tears and, without explaining or commenting on what it means, said goodbye. Later she wrote SMS" You and our son need you ". After I stopped picking up the phone altogether. We met a couple of times, I stopped by her place of work. At the same time, we talked purely on abstract topics related to her activities, as if nothing had happened. In the coming days, she will give birth, after a month of unanswered calls and without meeting with her, I went to her, to talk and find out her well-being, barely getting through to her, I heard a dry and unfriendly answer "... what do I owe? ... I'm fine. All the best ... ". She didn’t come out to talk to me. I contacted her mother, the answer is “... figure it out for yourself ..., I don’t interfere ... ". She left, and I feel guilty ... They constantly gnaw memories, self-blaming. I blame myself. I worry about how to be with a child now ... how to relate to all this. I don’t understand anything, but there were disagreements about the abundance of wool from her cat, but she didn’t follow her and me to her Yes, I tried to take care of her, but she recently said that my concern was unnecessary. I understand that pregnancy, hormones, all that. But to run to my mother ... We dreamed of a bunch of children, planned our lives.
Hello Vitaly.
Your situation, like any relationship, is individual and unique, so it’s hardly worth thinking about any statistics. I understand that you are trying to analyze everything, draw logical conclusions, but this does not work in a relationship, it is important to see and understand exactly your woman. You just wrote very little about her, mostly about her specific actions. Understand the main thing - to analyze and try to understand the actions themselves is not enough - this does not reveal the meaning of what is actually happening inside a person. The motive for these actions is more important, and for this you need to know and understand a person, what feelings and desires drive him, what he wants, what to strive for, what is in his soul - you need to talk about this, ask, try to understand another person.
If now the situation and the behavior of your woman are so incomprehensible to you, most likely your communication did not reach this level of self-disclosure. Most likely, your woman was afraid to tell you what didn’t suit her, what she lacked in your relationship.
The way she left suggests that this was an attempt to provoke your initiative. After all, at first, having left you, she did not stop relations with you, she actively communicated, but she expected active actions from you. Perhaps she wanted to see how much you need and appreciate her, whether you really want to be with her, whether you want her back. It is very important for a woman to know the truth about what her man's feelings and intentions are towards her, and not to suffer in doubts and conjectures. In fact, it turned out that if she did not pick up the phone, your communication stopped for a long time, you did not look for meetings with her, etc. When did you come to her work - why did you go? Talk about everyday things? You have arrived, this is already your initiative, you should have led the conversation - to talk about what is really important for you, to solve the most important issue for both of you - your relationship. But it was just a casual conversation about nothing, what conclusions could she draw? She only made sure that you didn’t really need it, since you give up so quickly and don’t worry too much about your relationship and future together, so over time she communicated with you more and more coolly, most likely feeling resentment and disappointment.
I can also assume from your words that she wanted to be with you, but not in the format in which your relationship was. As she said - I don’t want to just live together? Most likely, she wanted a full-fledged family with you, to live as husband and wife. I don't know if you discussed marriage, but for most women it's still a very important issue. For women, the fact that the beloved man takes her as his wife is important, for her it is confirmation that he loves her, wants to be only with her, that he chose her for life together and is confident in his choice, wants children from her, is ready to become her protection and support. Then the woman internally calms down, she feels protected, she is confident in her man and the joint future, and can be calm for her future children. Did you have certainty in your joint future?
Your question of what to do next can only be answered by yourself, based on what you want. It depends not only on her, but also to a large extent on you. If you want to be with this woman, raise a child together, be a family - this is in your hands, do everything in your power for this, show your desire with your actions. If you are not sure that you want to be with her and in general about what you want, also say so openly. So at least it will be fair to your woman, already practically the mother of your child. And both of you will get at least certainty in your relationship and possibly reach the level of open communication. Decide and act.
4.8 Rating 4.80 (10 Votes)
Roman asks:
Help! I don't know what to think and how to be!!! Beloved, being pregnant, left me for another, arguing that business is more important for me ... Now she lives with him. Tell me, how her relationship with this person can affect the pregnancy and the birth of my child? Help, .. I beg you. I'm afraid that suddenly there may be a miscarriage because of him. I'm all exhausted. Thanks in advance...
During pregnancy, psychological comfort is extremely important for a woman. Do not create stressful situations for her if you have feelings for her and for the child. It is important for a child to be surrounded by love and care, do not make him a subject of conflict. Only balanced and justified actions can make the woman you love look at you from the other side. Do not act impulsively, succumbing to negative emotions!
Rus. asks:
Are you sure the child is yours? A woman in a position is unlikely to go to another from the real father of the child ..
Roman asks:
This is not the first time... Many years ago, in 2002, she did the same.. But I forgave her. Then she was not in position. And my child - I am 100% sure of this. It’s just that she never loved me and I already think that it’s not worth fighting for her. Everyone will go their own way. And it is right.
Time will put everything in its place. Do not close from each other, conduct a dialogue.
Roman asks:
What kind of dialogue can we talk about when she is like hypnotized - she just hates me!!! Only for this... For the fact that I love... He is not going to give my surname and patronymic to the child. What can I say ... She just ruined everything and trampled ......
Attend several sessions of psychotherapy for emotional relief and development of a further life strategy.
Igor asks:
I met a girl, then she said that I should not call her anymore and that everything was over between us, without substantiating anything! After some time, she said that she was pregnant and therefore left me, because I don’t have a job, etc., I’m still a student. I really wanted a child and offered her a wedding. And now I find out that she married someone else! He probably thinks it's his baby! But I can’t leave everything like that, I can’t allow my child to have someone else’s last name and I couldn’t see him. I don’t call her yet and don’t say anything to her husband, I’m afraid that the stressful situation will affect the child! Tell me what to do???
Talk to your girlfriend. Only balanced and justified actions can make the woman you love look at you from the other side. Do not act impulsively, succumbing to negative emotions! And maybe your loved one wants to come back to you.
