Aggression in family relationships is a common occurrence not only in Russia, but also in Western countries. The statistics of domestic violence is very alarming: according to studies, every hour in our country one woman dies from male aggression. The reasons for the aggressive behavior of a man can be complexes, alcohol. However, most victims of domestic violence continue to live with a domestic tyrant in the hope of re-educating him.
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When a person takes out anger and accumulated negativity on a weaker one, this indicates serious problems. At least - about the impossibility of correctly splashing out negative emotions, the maximum - about a mental disorder.
The main reasons why a man repeatedly raises his hand to a woman:
Many outsiders believe that the victim is the cause of the violence. She allegedly gives him a reason for aggression: humiliates, insults, behaves inappropriately with other men. Psychology claims that this is not so: the same jealousy or words of insult can lead a man to an emotional breakdown, but if in a fit of uncontrollable rage he hit a woman at least once, you should not justify such an act and leave it unpunished.
In no case should you let the situation take its course and forgive even a single blow. And it doesn't matter if a man hits a woman lightly in the face or hard in the pope. If he did this as a punishment or as a result of a breakdown, this is an occasion to think about further relationships.
Women who once "taught a lesson" often justify the despot, blaming themselves or an unfortunate set of circumstances. They forgive the man and do not understand that they are giving the green light to the release of his future aggression.
The situation in which a man hit a woman and was immediately forgiven can be repeated many times.
A woman who does not radically try to solve the situation with assault dooms herself to an unenviable fate. If the "kitchen fighter" is heated by alcohol, her life is in real danger. In such situations, it is always worth remembering that at any moment the family tyrant will switch to other pets - animals, children, elderly parents. Justifying the man who beats her, the lady dooms her loved ones to suffering, primarily children. Even if a negligent husband does not touch them with a finger, a childhood spent in an atmosphere of aggression will leave a negative imprint on their future life.
Reasons why a woman forgives a man who hits her:
Depositphotos/ferto
Do you have a desire to stop abuse of yourself once and for all? In this article, we will describe practical tips and an effective method to help eliminate domestic violence.
The current family situation, when a woman is subject to violence from her husband, must be resolved in one of the ways: the wife can continue to endure frequent beatings, or she can radically change her approach to life.
When a woman has made her choice and consciously goes for a divorce from her husband, who raises his hand against her, she initially needs to find the reason for her particular model of behavior in the family. Otherwise, there is a high probability of repeating the same mistakes with the next partner. If you don't figure it out why does a husband beat his wife a similar situation is sure to repeat another time. Do you need to understand why this is happening to you? Why do you allow yourself to be treated like this? In the last question, the important word is “allow”, because if you stop such behavior from the very beginning, when husband beat his wife for the first time - today the question of frequently repeated beatings would not arise.
If, despite everything, a woman continues to love her husband and stops at the decision to save the marriage, it is necessary to clearly understand and be prepared for the worst turn of events: if husband beats his wife and further, despite the promise - the wife must part with him.
Both the first and second options for a possible development of events involve a frank conversation on the topic why men beat women. It is necessary to find out the reason for the use of force in the family and how to deal with it.
The model of our behavior in adult life is determined by the upbringing and the environment in which our parents raised us. As children, we all imitate our parents by playing up family behavior with our toys. Of course, sometimes parents are not always right, but on a subconscious level, we still follow the set example. We are clones, copying the behavior of our parents.
Every family instills in their child ideas about the family, where the relationship between parents is taken as the basis.
But it is not at all your fault that your actions are identical to the behavior of your parents! After all, you were not given another example to follow, in the formation of personal qualities.
However, today you are already an adult and are able to independently build family relationships - exactly as you think is right.
If a man beats a woman, why is this happening? First of all, you need to understand the root cause of his aggression towards a partner. Once you know the motive, it becomes much easier to figure out how to prevent it.
We have already understood that the formation of a child as a person begins with education, where an important role is played by the atmosphere of family relations between parents. Drawing an analogy with adult life, we can affirmatively say that the behavior, outlook on life and beliefs of the child are formed on the basis of the relationship between his parents.
Good families set an excellent example for their children: love, understanding, care, respect, freedom of choice - all this is present in psychologically healthy families, thanks to which the child grows up as a full-fledged member of society. But not everyone is so lucky in life and there is a completely opposite atmosphere, where an unfavorable climate cultivates a completely different personality.
According to psychology, if a man raised his hand to a woman, most often you need to look for the roots of the problem in his childhood and the relationship between his parents. In most cases, such a child was the object of ridicule, humiliation and misunderstanding on the part of the mother and father, as well as peers. The result of such events is a notorious man, for whose self-affirmation, the use of physical force is required against the weaker sex - the wife.
There are cases when such cruel events in life do not affect self-esteem, but the relationship of parents managed to be postponed at the subconscious level - when husband beats his wife. Today, a man simply reproduces a picture familiar to him from childhood, already practicing on his family.
The actions of a man to combat negative subconscious attitudes and the prevailing stereotypes of the family:
A man must learn to work out a different behavioral model.
Unconscious childhood trauma can be in a woman. There is a possibility that childhood memories may subconsciously push to the role of the victim. This happens if the girl was bullied by her father and mother or sisters and brothers. A woman must recognize this fact and understand her demeanor, as well as understand the essence of her beliefs and learn to reject them, be confident and love herself. And until that happens, she will remain a victim.
It is worth realizing that all problems are rooted in childhood, your behavior is identical to how your father addressed your mother. But at that moment you were defenseless, and at the moment you are a conscious member of society and only you have the right to decide what kind of life you should have!
You have all the tools in your hands: change the type of activity, start doing the thing that has attracted you for a long time. You will have self-confidence, your favorite activity will give you a lot of pleasure. Remember that you are no worse than others and therefore deserve the best! And don't forget about it for a minute.
To realize the main cause and possible consequences of assault in the family is an important psychological moment. Remember if husband beats wife the consequences can be very different. Sometimes outbursts of aggression lead to serious injuries or reach irreparable consequences. Do not forget, not only you are suffering, your children also experience all the pain on themselves and may repeat these mistakes in the future. No child would want to witness the quarrels of their beloved parents.
Think what example do you set for your children, who from an early age are accustomed to seeing bullying of a loved one, and they don’t see another example. So what happy family future can your children dream of?
Of course, your children will also inherit the behavior that they are used to seeing in the family. Your behavioral model will be transferred to a new unit of society - created by already adult children, just like you did.
On someone this ill-fated cycle of events must be stopped. And only you can change these events for the best and build a sincere and tender relationship with your spouse. In realizing the severity of the problem, its solution can come. Get ready for major changes. Undoubtedly, for an effective result, a lot of time and patience is needed, perhaps even a consultation with a specialist - a family psychologist.
You need to make a promise to yourself: a husband who does not want or could not change is not worthy of you - divorce will be the best solution.
Basically if man hitting a woman it means that he cannot cope with his aggression and is able to express it only in such a brutal way. At the moment of a quarrel, the accumulated anger reaches its climax, so the first thing that is required of a man is to subordinate his emotions to reason.
For these purposes, psychologists have developed two of the most effective methods to help a man curb his anger:
In family relationships, there is a logical chain of events: cardinal changes in one family member lead to changes in the rest. And this is an undeniable truth.
Before you start working on changes, you must definitely come to the realization that everything that happens is vital for the preservation of your family. A wife should support her husband as much as possible in his aspirations to become better. Praise for successful work, words of support will greatly inspire the spouse. All actions and behavior should indicate the joint passage of this difficult period - together in your intentions to change and become the happiest!
It is worth eliminating any criticism of the husband from the vocabulary, this moment is especially important with strangers. Past misdeeds should be forgotten and reproaches towards the husband should not sound from women's lips. Think about how pleased you are when you are criticized every day, they say that you are not like others? Everything should be different, enter pleasant encouragement for the correct behavior of your spouse, and he will be even more eager to become even better.
Your children have many times become unwitting witnesses of how the father raises his hand to the mother. This impotence gives rise to dislike for the pope in them - they not only fear him, but also do not respect him. When the child grows up, your story will be repeated in his family again - the girl will become a victim, and the boy aggressive husband. Have you dreamed of such a fate for your children? Or maybe you want your children to have no other feelings than charity and hatred for their parents?
In the decision to change their lives, children play a very important role. Initially, you will have to re-win not only the trust of children, but also earn respect. Actions, words - all this will help restore lost intimacy and trust in the family. It is necessary to eliminate children's fear and gain respect!
Solve the problem of domestic violence once and for all! Start changing this minute. Remember that domestic violence can be avoided and the described methods will help!
First reaction: get away from this scoundrel and never see him again! But when emotions subside a little, a woman, having suppressed resentment in herself, often still remains with her husband. Why? Maybe it's her own fault? Or is it something else? What to do if the husband hit?
Recently, the problem has ceased to be absolutely "home". Many women began to openly condemn their husbands, who open their hands, protesting against the “beats means loves” who has set his teeth on edge. However, despite the public outcry, every woman still faces a dilemma: to forgive or not? How to make the right decision?
In some families, physical aggression becomes a common way to sort things out. A man knows that he always has strong (in the literal sense of the word) arguments in reserve, and a woman knows that one should be extremely careful when expressing dissatisfaction or arguing in one's own defense. However, silence does not always save a woman.
Firstly, impunity is intoxicating and allows a man to increasingly lose control of himself. Secondly, the husband does not need to look for other ways to resolve conflicts and disputes. Often the situation is aggravated by the complete helplessness of the wife: either she does not have her own income, housing, or she is afraid that the divorce will harm the children. In order to put the busy woman in the dilemma indicated after the word "leave", several steps must be taken.
Take out dirty linen from the hut: tell about your husband's behavior to your and his parents, mutual friends. Peak-silence plays into the hands of a man: you alone resist him, while your forces are not equal. An open discussion of the problem will lead to the fact that the inner circle will begin to put pressure on the husband.
Don't expect a man to suddenly improve one day. Psychologists dealing with the problem of domestic violence often observe its cyclicity. And also such a phenomenon as a “honeymoon” after another assault: the husband apologizes and tries to make amends by making gifts or doing household chores. In most cases, this wonderful period lasts no more than 3 weeks. Therefore, only the woman herself can put an end to violence. During the next "honeymoon" warn your husband that you no longer intend to endure the beatings. And if they repeat at least once, then you will file for divorce.
Of course, such an ultimatum can be put forward only if the gy is ready to carry out its threat. But if you understand that such a conversation can harm you, then it’s better not to start it, but go straight to the next point.
Find a remote job that your spouse can't find out about. Put aside the money you save by buying discounted products. Think about who could help you in the first time after leaving your husband.
If you have nowhere to go, find information about special shelters for victims of domestic violence. They exist in many large cities with charitable organizations and take women with children for several months. During this time, you can find a job, arrange a baby in kindergarten and fix new life. Of course, all this is very difficult. But life is more precious! After all, tomorrow the husband may not calculate the force of impact ...
If the husband shows aggression only when intoxicated, then you need to think about how to deal with the cause, and not with the effect. Moreover, not all men belonging to this type suffer from alcoholism. Drinking alcohol can be rare, but every time it can have dangerous consequences for loved ones. Therefore, it is extremely difficult to insist that the husband completely refuse alcohol because of his inadequate reaction to it. Nevertheless, it is necessary to jointly develop a new algorithm for behavior after parties.
Mark the days of the feasts and the dates of the beatings on the calendar so that the husband is convinced that they coincide. Such visualization will allow you to recognize the existence of a problem and begin to solve it.
Ask one of your friends or yourself to discreetly take a video of how your husband's behavior changes in a state of intoxication. Show him a recording during a period of repentance - for sure a man will learn a lot of unexpected things about himself and think about it.
Ask your husband what measures seem most effective and appropriate to him. Strict restrictions on drinking (for example, warn loved ones that he should not be given more than a glass of wine), a reminder of your agreement to approach a “dangerous dose” of alcohol, or something else. It is important that the spouse himself propose measures that keep him from aggression.
If we are talking about alcohol addiction, you should not count on the fact that specialists will cure the husband in the absence of desire on his part. At the same time, you need to seek medical help so that your spouse has at least a short period of sobriety, and you get a break. Practice shows that those who got rid of addiction, before that, had repeatedly received the help of specialists and acquired the desire to "tied up" in the process of treatment.
Even the most balanced person can be brought to a white heat. Sometimes a man can not restrain his emotions and give a slap in the face, grab his hand or somehow go beyond the boundaries. Such manifestations, of course, do not honor him, but you cannot call them beatings either. The husband's aggression in such a situation turns out to be an unpleasant "surprise" not only for his wife, but also for himself. A man repents, worries, but does this mean that others will follow the first breakdown? Talk to your spouse about what was the trigger for his aggressive attack? No matter how hard it is to start such a conversation, it is necessary, as it allows you to get rid of the mutual feeling of unpredictability of male behavior.
Do not fall for the arguments of feminists who claim that violence is never the fault of the woman herself. Most of these isolated cases are due to scandals in which the wife uses painful arguments: “Now I understand why your ex won’t let you see your kids!” or "Your father always thought you were a jerk". If something similar in terms of emotional impact is said to a woman, she will cry. And the man will shut up and can hit, because such a reaction has been worked out in most of the representatives of the stronger sex since childhood.
If you know that you offended your husband, apologize for your behavior.
Mutual forgiveness will allow you to quickly restore relationships, although an unpleasant aftertaste is likely to remain for life. Agree with your spouse that even in a quarrel you will not remind each other of this episode. And you should watch your words, because sometimes words hit harder than a fist.
Comments 48
Yesterday I hit him in the eye with his fist, called him an alcoholic, I drink little, with the condition that we New Year celebrated at a party (and he didn’t like them), but the main thing is that I plow like a horse, earning many times more than him, but at home. That's all the arithmetic. I plan to leave, even though I have three children.
> Yesterday I punched him in the eye, called him an alcoholic, I don’t drink much, with the condition that we celebrated the New Year at a party (and he didn’t like them), but the main thing is that I plow like a horse, earning many times more than him, but at home . That's all the arithmetic. I plan to leave, even though I have three children. I believe that if a man hit once, then it will happen again. No matter how hard and painful it is, you need to leave such men without looking back ...
> At the moment I am in the hospital with severe beatings at the hands of my beloved man. This happened for the first time, but who will guarantee that next time, I will not end up in the next world? From such men you need to run away without looking back
HORROR!!! Run for sure!!!
quoted1 > > ...give a slap in the face, grab the hand, or somehow cross the line. Such manifestations, of course, do not honor him, but you can’t call them beatings either. "And what is THIS? Excuse me, of course, but you can give a slap in the face so that you lose consciousness, but how to understand "how else to cross the borders" ?? the former MCH grabbed my hands so that I walked all blue for a month.A man can hit in the only case when a woman herself throws herself at him with a knife, and this threatens his life.
quoted1 > > ...give a slap in the face, grab the hand, or somehow cross the line. Such manifestations, of course, do not honor him, but you can’t call them beatings either. "And what is THIS? Excuse me, of course, but you can give a slap in the face so that you lose consciousness, but how to understand "how else to cross the borders" ?? table is to cross the border?I former MCH grabbed my hands so that I went all blue for a month.A man can hit in the only case when a woman herself throws herself at him with a knife, and this threatens his life. quoted1 > > Completely agree with you today! he will slap you in the heat of passion, and tomorrow he will slap you with a knife? Fortunately, everything is fine with my husband, but from my environment I concluded: if a man hit you at least once, in a state of “passion” or something else, then it will happen again, and the further, the worse.I don’t have such acquaintances whose husband would hit once, and then this would not happen again ... Hit, endured, so you can continue to treat her like that, since she allows.
quoted1 > > > ...to slap, grab the hand or somehow cross the line. Such manifestations, of course, do not honor him, but you can’t call them beatings either. "And what is THIS? Excuse me, of course, but you can give a slap in the face so that you lose consciousness, but how to understand "how else to cross the borders" ?? Is this a table to cross the borders? The former MCH grabbed my hands so much that I went all blue for a month. A man can hit in the only case when a woman herself throws herself at him with a knife, and this threatens his life. quoted1 > > > > I completely agree with you Today he will slap you in the heat of passion, and tomorrow he will slap you with a knife? Fortunately, everything is fine with my husband, but from my environment I concluded: if a man hit you at least once, in a state of “passion” or something else, then it will happen again and the further, the worse.I don't have such acquaintances whose husband would hit once, and then this would not happen again...He hit, endured, so you can continue to treat her like that, since she allows. two days ago he gave me such a slap in the face that my kidney still hurts. tell someone ashamed. Not ready for a divorce. What to do?
What a mess, girls! Divorce is a complex and unpleasant procedure, you can’t prepare for it in advance, whether it’s treason or beatings, you don’t expect or plan this. Ekaterina, you write that you are not ready for a divorce, but are you ready to receive regular slaps in the face? He hit once, hit a second, third, first a slap in the face, and then he just starts beating a pear like a boxer. Of course, I don't know your situation and family, but hitting a woman is horrendous and will be repeated all the time. Take care of yourself, save yourself before it's too late ...
For 2 years, events developed as follows: he could push, verbal abuse became more frequent. Then he hit him in the face, after a while on the head. He could come right up close and angrily hiss in his face with aggressive foul language. Now he dealt a severe blow to the head and face. Outcome: I had a concussion, a shivering wound on the back of the nose with a displacement of the cartilage. There are lacerations on the nose. 7 stitches were placed. Heavily disfigured. So it's been tested on myself - if you raise your hand, it's unlikely to calm down. Impunity inspires a man.
Elena Mar 3 2019
Came drunk at three o'clock in the morning. Hit in the face, could not prevent, because. on hands Small child was. Now I'm sending to the devil. I don’t want any family and maintaining relationships at all. And he wants. Forgive me, but I'm afraid to go further to my cannon shot. Well it
Anastasia Mar 13 2019
He raised not only his arm, but also his leg! I barely went to my mother with a child, all this happened at night. The child is not. he gave to me, although he is not the daughter’s own father, I will forgive with time. But I don’t want to be together, my husband cried and begged to return, he promises that he will never raise his hand again, but I don’t want to check.
Mar 13 2019
Anastasia, you are right!
Marina Mar 21 2019
My husband beat me after the maternity hospital on the 25th day, he beat me on the head without stopping, I already stopped hearing the rupture of the membrane, my temperature rose, 38, if the child was crying, I didn’t hear, I left with difficulty, hid the child through the cops, took it away, now I filed for alimony, I don’t want to talk after the DNA current, we don’t have a registry office, what do you advise?
Mar 21 2019
You did the right thing by leaving! Some people endure this all their lives until they become crippled ... but as for alimony, it should be special people who deal with where you applied. It seems to me that if the father refuses child support, then he himself must submit and pay for the DNA test.
Julia Mar 31 2019
Now I'm in the hospital with a traumatic brain injury. There was a fight yesterday. As usual because of the little things. It turned into a major scandal, where I knocked out the doors that he closed in front of me. Hit once, with the palm of his hand, on the jaw. 3 broken teeth and concussion. I fell and lost consciousness and memory. (this is all from his words) I did not remember the last weeks of my life. Now, in the hospital, I remember everything except the quarrel itself. Walks. Calling. Asks for forgiveness. I don't understand what to do at all. We have three children. I have nowhere to go.
Mar 31 2019
What a shame, Julia! If you go back to him, it's dangerous for your life. You should first of all think about the children, they need a healthy mother. A friend of mine with a small child left her husband, who beat her, begged for a room in a hostel, for this she got a job as a cleaning lady. I got up at 5 in the morning, washed the floors in the hostel, then took the child to the garden, went to work as a salesman, then picked up my son, washed the floors again in the evening. I was very tired, but the child had a healthy mother, no one made a fuss at home, the son grew up in a calm environment. After some time she met a good man, married, and now happy, still gave birth. And if she had stayed with her first tyrant husband, she could have died from constant beatings. And the little son would have remained an orphan with her husband ...
Mpnya my yes so hit my head with his paws several times that my head hurts exactly from the side where the blow was. It hurts to touch the bruised elbows, this is the first time I don’t want to live like that, but I’m not ready for a divorce either. Is it true that after the first beating there will definitely be 2, etc., that is, it will only get worse ...
True ... if a man considered that he had the right to beat you, then this would be repeated constantly. I don’t know of a single example of hitting once, and then realizing and never touching again…
Hello, yesterday once again my husband drank with friends. I was visiting a friend and decided to stop by. The case ended with my husband allowing me to be beaten by a friend ... As he said: just an educational moment. I ran home, locked myself up and didn't let my husband in...
It's difficult for me too. The husband is a hidden tyrant. Children openly tell him that they do not respect him. Offends me. He rarely raised his hand, but the last time, if not for his daughter, he would probably have smeared it on the wall. I want to leave for a few years. After quarrels, calm for a couple of weeks. But all this is temporary. We must decide. It was not enough that at 45 I was and some kind of threat threatened ...
Elena, run away from this terrible man, neither he nor his friend have the right to lay a finger on you!!!
That's right, Alevtina! no one has the right to raise a hand against you at any age. And you are scared to live with such a husband, but what about the children? You will still find yourself a worthy man and be happy. Children will only be glad to see their mother calm and happy than to live in hassle all their lives ...
Lived with her husband for 20 years, rarely drank. There were no conflicts, and they lived together. But somehow he came home drunk, word for word, eventually beat me. I ended up in the hospital with a concussion. We parted by mutual consent, then a divorce, (he decided so) 5 years passed, our paths crossed. From the beginning I was afraid of him, but then calmed down. Over the course of two years, we occasionally talked. And recently he invited me to meet. I accepted his offer. Everything seems to be normal, but from time to time I have a feeling of fear, memories of that ill-fated day. I don’t know how to be. How to overcome fear or leave? He is a good man, but the past haunts me.
Yesterday I was in the park with my wife. Everything was just wonderful. A bottle of good wine, the sun ... beloved and dear eyes opposite. Talk about our love, family ... about how dear and dear to each other. And then suddenly everything changed ... reproaches and hurtful words of the beloved. An alien and angry face opposite... I hug her, comfort her... breaks out, spitting in her face, grabs her neck, scratches her face, neck... I didn't think of anything but to slap her! And it started ... - "kill me!" ... "you want to kill me." Laughs, wild eyes. Well, to my shame, I slapped her. How they walked home is a different story ... trying to run away, grabbing trees, falling ... I hold her back !!! On the same day he apologized to her, asked for forgiveness! But he does not forgive and does not give a chance! And I just love her so much!
I quarreled with my husband yesterday, in general we often quarrel over money, my parents, methods of raising my son ... He used to raise his hand at me, he could give me a slap in the face, throw him, grab me by the throat. Kat yesterday again began to let go of his hands and grabbed a ceramic cup from the table and said that if he touches it I will hit him, he grabbed me by the throat and crushed it. I drank him with a cup, severely cut his eyebrow. Now I feel guilty, and I don’t know what to do next ((He was taken by an ambulance, I called her myself, and now I don’t know where he is. She answers her phone and he’s not in the hospital
We lived with a beloved man for three years, Previously, three times drunk, I could remove in the face, push, grab by the neck. I forgave. After each time he repented. I thought that just such an emotional person. But recently he came from a gathering drunk. We had a fight. He attacked me, strangled me, hit me on the head with the door while I was lying on the floor. He yelled that he would kill me and really killed me. Fortunately, they were not alone, three of his relatives dragged him away from me. I had to leave home at night so that he wouldn't kill me. As a result, two broken fingers, cartilage on the ear was torn, a concussion, the whole body was bruised, there was a huge hematoma on the head. She packed her things and left. After 4 days, he showed up, sobs, asks for forgiveness, says that alcohol is to blame for everything and he will never drink again. My soul is tearing from pain and longing, I loved him wildly. A week has passed, and all this time I simply do not live, but exist. Decided not to return, cut off all ties. I'll survive somehow. But I'm definitely not ready to die for such love at the next battle.
And my husband punched me in the stomach when he grabbed my hand, and I pulled my hand away. He said it was a defensive reaction.
Today my husband hit me on the back with a mop with all his might. I left many times and came back again. Three children
My husband could easily hit me in the face with his palm or fist on the legs. He always said that I was to blame and that I provoked him. Each time he hit harder and harder. After a recent slap in the face, I decided not to forgive. I don’t want to wake up next time, knowing his strength… I’m afraid of him. Now they are connected for life because of the child. She was to blame, from the very beginning there were no brains. Never tolerate abuse.
Evgenia! your children need a healthy mom, don't wait for your husband to cripple you!
I have been married to my husband for 10 years and have a son. He beat me 10 times all the time, and kicked him in the face, threw him down the stairs, once hit his shin with his fist so hard that after 4 years the bump does not fall off. The last time was half a year ago. Meanwhile, he allowed himself to insult me, kicked me out of the house. And all in front of the child. And once he was hit in the face, there was a bruise. In the morning I told my son that bruises adorn a man. Moreover, he did not show aggression not necessarily under the influence of alcohol. A month ago I decided to divorce. She left for the city. Naturally, he does not give rest with his persuasions and pleas to return to him, he agrees to all my conditions, etc. I don’t know what to do next. To believe, to give the last last chance or to start a new life without looking back to the past?
There was love with a man. Soul to soul. I didn't believe in luck. We lived together. We went to rest. They could not believe in the happiness of being there. It all started with promises and insults. Screams. Then jealousy. Just from the fact that "not in the spirit" I'm not God's dandelion, I could answer, but more often I tried to keep silent. On his part, regular provocations and conclusions to the conflict began. Gaslighting is a new word that has taken root very well in our world. After there was a slap. After a while, love again, trips, around the clock together and magical moments. Everything was forgotten. After a while, everything started again with a “bad mood”, he began to beat me on the cheeks and head. As a result, bruises under the eyes, nose bruises. He screamed the next day. I forgot everything. Then again, after a while, I hit him on the head and face. In three weeks. I have left. Of course, I love it a lot. It seems that demonism happened. So he is a wonderful person and this has never happened to him. I agree that a woman can bring a man to white heat. But beating a woman is not a reason anyway. There are no excuses. Especially if serious injuries, bruises and concussion. I have a crooked nose now. Also a chipped tooth. Girls, take care of yourself. Whatever we are, a man is usually stronger with us, and he must be responsible for his strength.
I confirm, hit once - then it will always hit one way or another. It's not a man, it's a dick. Leave immediately! I know only one example, when a man hit with a strong verbal provocation slightly and repented, did not raise his hand anymore, because the person really stumbled and fully atoned for his guilt. Don't be fooled by illusions. A normal man, if he does this, will himself disappear from a woman's life, tail between his legs, knowing full well that he is no longer a man, but a shameful creature.
Together for three years. During a quarrel, my husband hit me on the head from the palm of my hand, I fell from the blow. His hand is heavy. It was the first time. Then three days later he swung, but did not hit. I don't know what to do now. In the arms of a small child. By the way, hit in front of a child. Now it's disgusting to look at her husband, it's disgusting to be around. I cry as I remember the slap, it's very insulting. I'm afraid to leave, and I'm afraid to stay. Suddenly it hits again.
Everything is very individual, of course ... and in every family it is different ... I made a promise to myself that I would not allow my husband to hit me ever, since my father once beat my mother. Today he gave me a strong slap on the back of the head, and a couple of times he pushed and ran On the arm with demonic eyes. All this reaction was caused and provoked in part by me ... because I said that he was not pleased ... (did not concern him personally) It was just that the opinion I expressed was said at the wrong time and in the wrong place. And for the first time in 6.5 years, my husband really raised his hand to me. What is left to do?! So far, the first reaction is I pray for myself and for him ... we are a happy family ... we have a one-year-old child ... I remember only one promise to myself that I would not allow my husband to beat me. I don't know how to do it right? For my words, I apologized from the bottom of my heart to him in a letter ... but how to forgive him ... how to believe ... although he has not yet asked for forgiveness ... and God knows what is in his head ... but girls, life is such a thing, you don’t know what will happen tomorrow. But you need to love God and yourself. And the husband, the man who came, can leave like that, alas, we are all not related to our husbands by blood and we will never have such feelings as for children. Conclusion: try to be independent
we have been together for 13 years, we have a child, I and she have a good job, for the first ten years there were conflicts, but I didn’t raise my hand, then I got a job related to business trips, I began to be jealous a little and notice changes in it. Then the people around also began to talk about their comments to her (relatives). Then I began to look at my wife and her new way of life, so to speak. I saw photos with "colleagues" in an embrace and for the first time seriously, in the course of a conversation, hit her on the shoulder. I apologized, I forgave, but then it got worse. The first time was three years ago. Now, the day before yesterday, he attacked her for her unwillingness to go home for the night after a corporate party. I didn’t beat with a fist, but instructed a slap in the face. I don’t know what to do, I love her, I don’t want to get divorced. And it seems that I believe her, but she has become impudent and it is already stupid to deny it. Sorry son. She doesn't want to change jobs. How about with her? You all write here that your husbands are scum and villains, but the fact that wives are to blame and what to do with them ??? She tells everyone that I've been beating her all my life - but it's not like that !!! If you have any good advice, please post. The family is dying because of this
Every person encounters aggression almost daily - in public transport, in a store, at work. Usually such moments are forgotten, the remaining unpleasant aftertaste quickly disappears. It is more difficult if cases of aggression occur in the family, a person who should be a reliable shoulder, protection, support, mercilessly beats his wife. Leaving such incidents unattended, even single ones, is not worth it - it will be much more serious in the future. To the question why a man raises his hand to a woman, psychology gives an unequivocal answer. The relationship between the spouses has weakened significantly, it is worth considering how important it is to maintain a relationship.
The reasons need to be looked for much deeper, if possible, eliminated (often you have to seek the help of a specialist) or simply You should not be afraid to start life anew - there is a risk that it will get worse further. Statistics say: regular cases of violence often end badly for the victim.
Why does a husband beat his wife, psychology and reasons:
If a husband beats his wife, psychology can provide many more provoking factors. Even a change in the hormonal background in the body causes aggression, the fear of losing the respect of the family. Sometimes it is difficult to understand the reasons without the help of a psychologist, so you need to visit a specialist immediately after the first manifestation of violence.
How to respond, if violence reigns in the family and the husband beats his wife, psychology is categorical - it is not necessary to endure. Such cases will provoke sad consequences, one of which is the destruction of the personality. The help of a specialist will be powerless. Return to a full life, according to statistics, is obtained by few women.
If a man raises his hand to a woman, psychology suggests changing the situation - leaving. It is recommended to choose a calm, quiet place that allows you to think about whether you should try to save the marriage, correct the husband's behavior. Cases when a spouse changes for the better, refuses assault, are rare. Practice proves that the slightest provoking factor is enough for a breakdown. Further worse - a man will try to avenge his care, to punish arbitrariness.
If you had to leave home after the husband raised his hand to his wife, the advice of a psychologist will determine the further course of action:
If a man raised his hand to a woman, psychology warns - aggression, vindictiveness go hand in hand. The spouse will certainly try to use force again, punishing for leaving. It is not recommended to stay alone with your husband even for a minute - it is impossible to predict the consequences of carelessness.
The desire of a woman to save the marriage, trying to change the behavior of her husband, is understandable - ladies do not represent loneliness. Whether it will be possible to correct the behavior of the second half, how to stop aggressive manifestations on the part of the husband - questions for which it is recommended to seek answers with a specialist.
What to do if the husband hit, is it worth it to forgive, the advice of a psychologist will be indispensable for making the right decision. Experts warn: both spouses need to change.
A woman must realize that too much depends on the behavior of her spouse. Set yourself up for difficulty. Support for a husband in his endeavors, the ability to listen carefully, give advice, and avoid conflicts are a small part of the psychologist's recommendations. Behavior to prove to the spouse - the second half is nearby, regardless of luck, life problems.
Criticism of a spouse is unacceptable, even if a man does wrong, mistakes will lead to unpleasant situations. Forget past shortcomings, misdeeds - no reproaches! Frequent encouragement, praise, flattering words are the only way to communicate.
How to change a spouse after situations in which a man beats a woman, the representative of the stronger sex to find a way to remove emotions, to direct aggressiveness in a different direction. There are two effective methods developed by psychologists.
The first option is to get out of the habit of asserting an opinion with the help of physical assault. Learn to express thoughts and actions in words. It is enough to express dissatisfaction with the spouse, explain the reason for the anger - you don’t have to prove the truth with your fists. Over time, it will be possible to constantly express anger, resentment with words, the demeanor will become a habit.
The second technique is simpler, does not require much effort. Intensive sports - boxing, wrestling, football will allow you to direct energy in a safe direction for your spouse. Having vented aggression on his opponent, a punching bag, a satisfied man will return home. Thoughts to prove superiority with fists will not remain.
Helpful advice! It is important on the part of the spouse not to allow conflicts, even if there is dissatisfaction with the late return. A quarrel can become a drop that will provoke new violence, despite the fatigue of a man.
If a husband raised his hand to his wife, the advice of a psychologist will be useful, they will not provoke difficult situations. A specialist who, over the years of practice, has been helped to change his worldview and his life is Nikita Valeryevich Baturin. The recommendations and experience of a psychologist-hypnologist are successfully applied in practice by women, they change the behavior of spouses, and return the old relationship. As far as possible to save the family, if the husband hit his wife, what to do - the advice of psychologist Nikita Valerievich will be invaluable help.
What to do, what to do if a husband beats his wife, psychologist's advice:
It happens that a woman is lost if her husband beats, the advice of a psychologist turns out to be useless - the recommendations are forgotten, they are not applied in practice. It is important not to limit yourself to one visit to a specialist - in one or two sessions, says Nikita Valeryevich Baturin, it will not work to develop an effective line of behavior.
To the question why a man beats a woman, psychology has exact answers, but without consulting a specialist, there is no need to hope for a resumption of relations. Attacks of aggression on the part of the spouse are caused by factors that are difficult for a woman to determine on her own. Violence is stopped by eliminating the cause, otherwise the only way to avoid beatings is a complete break in relations.
Do you want to finally stop bullying yourself?
We hope that our tips and the method described in this article will help you get rid of domestic violence.
Client Notes:“My husband beats me. After his beatings, bruises remain on my body.
I have to cover them with clothes and hide them with cosmetics so that no one
didn't see.
The worst thing is that my son sees such an attitude of a father to his mother -
everything happens before his eyes.
I no longer have the strength to endure the beatings of my husband. Of course he apologizes
that he won't do that again - but after a while he hits me again.
I finally decided that it should not continue like this."
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In a situation where a woman is exposed to domestic violence, she needs to make an important choice: to continue to endure further bullying or change her life.
Modeling Behavior
If a woman decides break up with your husband who beats her, she must first understand the reasons for her behavior in the family. Otherwise, there is a possibility that such relationships will be repeated at other times, with another man.
After all, the woman did not understand why her husband beat her. Why is this happening to her? Why did she allow herself to be treated like this?
That's right, it allowed...
After all, if she had stopped such an attitude towards herself at the very beginning, when her husband hit her for the first time, now she would not suffer from recurring beatings.
If the husband does not change, if he does not stop beating you, you will leave.
In both the first and second scenarios, both the husband and the wife need to understand the causes of domestic violence and how to get rid of it.
Our behavior in life and in the family is conditioned by education.
From childhood, we take an example from our parents. Yes, we know they don't always do the right thing. But we have no other choice but to unconsciously follow their example. We are prisoners of their patterns of behavior in the family.
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Our ideas about family are shaped by the relationship between our parents.
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But you are not to blame for doing the same as your parents! It’s just that you didn’t see another example, except for the parent one, in childhood.
But now you have grown up. And you can build your own family - the way you want.
Why does your husband behave this way towards you, why does he beat you? To find the answer to this question, you first need to determine the cause of his aggressive behavior. And having determined the cause, we will find out how to change it.
Why does a husband raise his hand to his wife?
So, we found out that the upbringing and atmosphere in the parental family influence the formation of the child's personality. They contribute to the choice of his life path, behavior, attitudes, beliefs.
It is good when a child grows up in a psychologically healthy family, where he is taken care of, where he is respected, where his opinion is taken into account and where he is helped to become a full-fledged person. But families are different. And not always the climate in them is favorable for the cultivation of a young personality.
Husband's aggression and cruel behavior towards his wife is often rooted in childhood, in the parental family. Most likely, he was often offended as a child: beaten, mocked, humiliated. As a result, a man grew up, unsure of himself, who now asserts himself by manifesting his physical strength over a weaker person - his wife.
Sometimes a man's self-esteem does not suffer, but his father's behavior towards his mother has already been deposited in his subconscious, in those moments when he beat her.
Now a man automatically reproduces the same model of behavior - but already in his family.
How can a man overcome negative subconscious attitudes and stereotypes?
First, understand that its behavior is the inheritance of its parent.
Secondly, realize that this is not correct.
Third, firmly decide that he wants to change.
A man needs to learn to develop a different model of behavior.
Why is a woman exposed to domestic violence?
A woman, most likely, also carries an unconscious childhood trauma. She may have been bullied by her father or mother, or some other member of the family, as a child. She - victim by nature.
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Until a woman realizes this fact, until she understands her behavior and her
beliefs until she learns to love herself and be confident - she again and again
will experience domestic violence.
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Realize that your problems come from childhood, that you behave in the same way as your father and mother did in your childhood. But then you were small and defenseless. And now you are an adult woman who herself has the right to decide how to live!
Take up, for example, the type of activity that has long attracted you. This will make you feel more confident and happy. You deserve all the best! Remember this.
Understanding the causes and consequences of domestic violence is very important! You understand that once again someone can go too far in a quarrel and seriously suffer or, God forbid, an outbreak of aggression will lead to fatal consequences.
In addition, not only you suffer, your children also suffer. They are not willing to witness your quarrels with your husband.
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Think about what a happy family future your children can have,
if there is no other example, except for bullying the object of their love, they don’t know?! ..
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Your children, just like you as a child, unconsciously inherit the behavior of their parents. They will transfer your behavior pattern to their future family - just like you once did.
Someone needs to break this vicious circle. It is up to you to change the situation for the better and build a warmer relationship with your husband! Realize the gravity of the problem. Get ready for change.
Of course, changes will take time and patience, as well as the help of a psychologist.
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Important reminder!
Promise yourself: if your husband does not want or cannot change, you will leave him.
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How can a husband learn to control his aggression?
Often a husband beats his wife because he does not know how to get rid of aggression in any other way. Aggression accumulates in him and increases during a quarrel. He needs to learn to manage his feelings.
Here are two effective ways to help your husband cope with aggression:
1.
A man can learn to express his emotions with words rather than actions. The simple phrase "I'm angry with you" is more effective than a fist.
2.
A man can develop the habit of directing aggression in a less destructive direction - sports, exercise and exercise.
In the first variant, a man pronounces his emotions and thereby frees himself from them. After all, aggression is the accumulation of negative emotions and their release when a person can no longer restrain them in himself.
In the second case, a man gives feelings a harmless outlet - through physical work or sports.
How should a woman behave?
Relationships have this pattern: if one person changes, other members of the family also change. It is a fact. But before you change, both you and your husband need to realize that changes are vital for you, for your family.
As a wife, you need to support your husband from the very beginning if he decides to change for the better.
Praise him for his successes, encourage him with words. Show by your actions and behavior that you are with him, that you share his intention to change.
Think about it, would you be pleased if you were told every day that you are bad, ugly and the like? On the contrary, it is necessary to encourage the behavior of a husband who is clearly making progress towards better changes.
How to be with children?
Children who have seen more than once how their father beats their mother experience hatred for the parent - they are afraid and do not respect their father.
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Children, when they grow up, will respond to brute physical force with the same force
and the same attitude towards man.
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Do you want that? Do you want your children to despise and hate you?
If you decide to live differently and build strong relationships in your family, first win new trust and respect from your children. By your actions, words, you must restore close and trusting relationships with your children.
Children should not be afraid of you, children should respect you!
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Want to end violence in your family once and for all? Get started right now. Now you know a little more about the methods of how to bring peace to the family, and you can put them into practice.
Remember: domestic violence can be stopped!
Change! You deserve happiness!
