Hello both regular readers and casual visitors to the Lost Romantic blog, today I want to continue the discussion of the topic I started. And I will try to answer the question that people very often ask if they were abandoned, or they had to leave for certain reasons, and they cannot be together. Namely: ?
As I said before, we truly love only once in our lives. We fall in love with the image of a person, his character, habits, manner of communication and attitude to everything that surrounds him. And in my humble opinion, falling out of love with your soulmate is impossible. If this happened to you, then your feelings were false, over time they passed, and, as a rule, irritability and hostility began to accumulate, which cannot be with real feelings.
Really loving people ready to be there all the time and not bother each other, and only time can prove it. When people easily endure various minor life troubles and difficulties, the main thing is their love and feelings, then they will be able to overcome everything.
They have no right and wrong, of course, there are also small disagreements and misunderstandings, because an ideal life exists only in a fairy tale, but in general, their life from the outside is seen as much simpler than many others, although in fact it is.
As in the famous parable: “One family constantly quarreled, cursed, and then one fine day the wife could not stand it and sent her husband to see how their neighbors live, and why everything is always quiet and peaceful with them. When my husband returned, he said the following phrase: in our country, if something happens, no one is to blame, but with them, on the contrary, everyone is to blame, that is, everyone tries to take the blame on himself. I think everything is clear here.
I know a huge number of people who disagree with me, and are constantly trying to prove to me that they loved more than once in their lives, and their feelings were absolutely pure and sincere. In this case, I ask them a simple question: imagine then that you would have to choose someone alone, because it is not possible, and we have already seen this.
If you cannot do it, then you do not like either the first or the second, for me everything is simple and obvious. After all, it is easier for us to count in a way that is more convenient and easier, but feelings are not a toy that many people, especially young people, like to play with. Sometimes people's lives depend on it.
And as for the question - is it possible to stop loving a person, then my answer is no, you can only try to forget him, but you cannot completely replace true love and feelings! When you really fall in love, feel and feel those unearthly and unforgettable emotions that are simply impossible to repeat with another person, then only then, probably, you will understand what is actually the meaning of these lines! And I wish everyone to experience this, otherwise you may think that you have lost a lot in your life.
P.S. And of course, a new interesting song today in the topic of the article: Joe Jonas - See No More.
Does the "boyfriend/girl of your dreams" think it's better for you to remain friends? And while it may seem like you'll never find anyone better, there are ways to move forward. For each person, falling out of love is as individual as loving, but in this article you will find several useful tips how to deal with your emotions.
Part 1
Recognition that you are hurtAllow yourself to be sad for a while. The period when you are trying to stop loving a person is a process of grieving for a lost relationship. And it's okay to feel deeply about the loss. If you try to act normal and pretend that you are not in pain, you will experience even more emotional pressure. A healthy way to start letting go of love is to be a little sad. Give yourself time to process the feeling of loss.
Analyze relationships. In order to properly move on from the relationship, you need to acknowledge that there were both positives and negatives in loving this person (and there always is). Appreciate the good things, but don't forget the bad ones. Now you need to think about the new opportunities that are opening up before you.
Be alone for a while. Don't rush to start a new relationship or constantly distract yourself with a group of friends or various activities. If you want to get rid of love in a healthy way, you need to endure the pain and deal with it. Think and divide your time between what you want and what you need, and then follow the path, seeking emotional or social support from friends and family.
Give free rein to your feelings. Much of the healing process can take place through the expression of feelings. You don't need to share these feelings with anyone unless you want to, but at the very least you need to pour them out.
Part 2
Starting from a clean slateSave important things. When you are trying to move forward and come back to life, it is very important not to overdo it and get rid of everything that reminds you of this person. Save a few reminders of the best moments of your relationship, such as a shell you found on the beach or a picture from your New Year's Eve party, to keep the relationship positive and healthy.
Get rid of everything else. Once you've chosen the things you want to keep, get rid of the rest. To completely forget a person, you need to avoid constant reminders of him in everyday life.
Don't try to find out how the person is doing. In order to forget someone, it's very important to cut ties, at least until your emotions are safe again and then you can be friends again (if you want to). In addition to being an emotional state, love produces a chemical reaction in your brain that is similar to drug addiction. Therefore, every time you see a former partner or a reminder of him/her, you satisfy the attraction, which is enough to rekindle addiction.
Avoid mutual friends for a while. Spending time with mutual friends immediately after breaking up will only make your emotional state worse.
Wait a while before becoming friends again. If you had a really good relationship and ended on a good note, or even if you've always been good friends It's probably best to wait a while before making friends again. If you spend time together right after the breakup, it will be difficult for you to force yourself to stop loving the person.
Part 3
Focus on yourselfStudy yourself. By putting aside relationships that cloud your judgment, you can paint a better picture of who you are. Study the strengths and weaknesses. You may want to reevaluate your priorities or goals in life. Maybe you wanted something because you thought you'd be with that person for the rest of your life, and now you might want something different.
Be independent. Love makes you very dependent on the person, but if you want to be happy and successful in future relationships, you will need to improve your ability to be independent. By relying more on yourself and your strengths, you will be more confident in yourself and will be able to remind yourself that you are a strong person who can handle everything on his own. From now on, do everything for yourself. Think of yourself as a free person. Do what you always wanted to do but didn't have the time.
Try new activities. New hobbies will not only bring you pleasure, because you are distracted and try something that is not your own, but they will also help you forget your former love and teach you how to be happy on your own. You can pick up a new hobby, volunteer, or learn something. You can also learn new things online. You never know what you might like next.
Part 4
moving forwardAccept that this relationship was not meant to be. In trying to move on, it's important to accept the fact that the relationship wasn't meant to be. You must understand that if the person failed to love you, or if the relationship made one of you unhappy, then nothing would work out and, in the end, you would not find happiness either. You deserve a relationship where the love is mutual and where you complete each other in a way that no one else could.
Meet new people. If you don't like the position of a single person, you can start going somewhere to find a better match for yourself. This may take time, and you should not do everything in a hurry. Don't rush things, start going out when you feel like you're really ready for it, and don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
Go on dates again. Falling in love, or at least realizing that there are other people to love, is an important part of realizing that ex love left behind. You don't have to be in a serious relationship. In fact, it's better if you just go on dates from time to time. Many people need time to recover, and it's not worth breaking someone's heart because you yourself are not yet ready for new obligations.
Understand that you should not force yourself to stop loving a person. Although the end of a relationship can be very painful, it does not mean that you obliged fall in love with a person. If it was real love, it is likely that you will not be able to completely forget it at all. However, you can leave her in the past, live a full and independent life, and find a new love that will bring you pleasure.
Fall in love again. New love will be the final step in healing your heart. It will revive your faith and show you how beautiful love is. And more importantly, you can find love with someone who will reciprocate the love you didn't get from your ex. And this is what you deserve!
Nothing can keep you from approaching a happy future as much as an unhealed wound from a past relationship.
It does not matter how the circumstances developed, who was right and who was wrong.
The problem is that the pain that has arisen prevents you from moving forward, which is why it is so important for you to get an answer to the question of how to stop loving a person.
The reason why it is difficult for you to stop loving a person, although you consciously understand that there is no other way out, is due to the state of your subconscious, which has not completely come to terms with the events that have occurred.
Acceptance of the current situation can occur only when the subconscious finally considers the events irreversible.
Most people who have the desire to stop loving do not allow themselves to accept the fact that the former lover is no longer in their life.
Visualization is one of the most popular forms of mind programming.
The more you visualize the person you loved, the longer you will be attached to him.
When you keep things that remind you of your ex-girlfriend (boyfriend), such as gifts, photos, text messages, emails, etc., you are not really signaling your desire to stop loving the person, but the need to restore the relationship.
Your mind has just entered the path of recovery when you begin to take actions that tell your mind to hit pause for now.
You can stop loving a person only if you remove all hope that everything will be the same as before.
As long as you console yourself with hope, the process of your recovery will continue for a very long time.
This mindset programs your mind to make you more attached to the person you broke up with.
When you follow someone's life, for example through social media, you indirectly make your mind believe that this person is important to you, and as a result, you become more attached to him.
When you talk to a lot of people about the person you loved, you are pushing your mind to love your ex even more without realizing it.
Until your social life, and especially communication with the opposite sex, improves, you will continue to be heavily dependent on the person who has been with you for a long time.
As already mentioned, the main problem that arises when you (a guy) is that your subconscious mind does not actually accept the events that have occurred.
Repetition is one of the best ways to convince your subconscious mind that it doesn't believe at first.
The more often you repeat the statement about the end of the relationship, the faster this thought will grow into a strong belief.
Therefore, if you really want to stop loving a person, immediately put the following thoughts out of your head:
One of the barriers that can prevent you from falling out of love with a person is the belief that this person was the one and only.
Even if until now you have not found someone better, this does not mean that the best person does not exist, and you will not be able to meet him later.
The objective fact is that your ex-girlfriend (boyfriend) is not the best person in the world, otherwise all people of the opposite sex would love them.
Once you are convinced that your internal assumptions about the “only person” are completely false, you can get rid of psychological addiction much faster.
When you find out that a loved one does not love you, your immediate reaction is to make him love again.
This thought is perfectly natural, but at the same time absolutely useless.
You must understand that you can only control your emotions and actions.
At the same time, even your own feelings are sometimes not under your control.
So how do you think it is possible to convince another person to feel what he does not want?
Don't make this person the center of your life.
Very often people begin to think that their life will end with the end of the relationship, but this is not so. Yes, this is absolutely not true!
And if now your thinking takes the opposite direction, after a while you will laugh at such thoughts.
And if you keep investing in an already ended relationship, taking actions to please your ex, even if it hurts you, or when you feel that if you stop doing it, the ex-partner will leave you forever, you still will not achieve anything.
The only thing you will achieve is an even higher level of obsession with your emotions.
Focus your attention on yourself, because you are the only person who can accept and love you for who you are.
If you are wondering how to stop loving a person, then a very important step for you will be getting rid of all the things that remind you of past relationships (they are also anchors, triggers).
Do not waste a second, but immediately get rid of all the things that were given to you by former lovers, joint photos, delete the entire history of your correspondence in chats.
Otherwise, you yourself will create barriers for yourself on the way to your healing.
In addition, you should not visit places where you spent your free time together.
If you find it difficult to be at home, because even “the walls remind of her (of him)”, rearrange the furniture or organize apartment renovations.
“Let’s be friends” is the same as “You are of course a so-so human… But who knows, maybe I can somehow use you for my own purposes.”
To stop loving a person, you have to take all your will into a fist and distance yourself from him.
Do not answer your ex's calls and messages, add their phone numbers to the black list, block their account on social networks and all kinds of instant messengers.
If a person calls from someone else's phone number, you should not develop communication.
Immediately say that you are busy now and call back yourself, then hang up abruptly and, of course, do not call back, do not answer calls.
If you are united by joint children or work, try to limit all your communication only to these topics, and in no case go beyond the established framework.
Thus, speed up your “recovery” and yours.
Make a list of all the shortcomings of the ex-girlfriend (boyfriend).
Remember how boring, stupid and lack of initiative they were.
Remind yourself of the physical disadvantages of your past chosen ones.
You should not just focus on the negative aspects of the personality, but become completely ruthless towards them.
Write down negative examples of behavior that you can remember.
Once you start, you may be surprised at how many incidents pop up in your memory.
When you are in love, you tend to idealize a person, but now you should do exactly the opposite.
If it seems to you that it is impossible to stop thinking about this person, you are still able to distract yourself from your unpleasant thoughts, for which you should resume communication with other people.
You need to avoid being at home alone, mourning your grief, which has taken on intergalactic proportions.
The more time you spend alone, the more intense it will seem to you that you miss your ex.
To overcome feelings, it is important for you to maintain positive social connections.
Call your friends or relatives and arrange a meeting.
Talk to someone who is trustworthy and tell them about your concerns and feelings.
What happened to you is actually one of the best opportunities to rethink yourself and your values.
When you were infatuated with another person, you may have neglected yourself.
Now is the best time to get to know yourself better.
So make a list of all the qualities that come to your mind.
As a result, you will be able to identify your weaknesses that are worth working on, as well as strengths that should be further developed.
Change, experiment with your hairstyle, find new hobbies, start your own business.
And although it is difficult enough to find a positive grain in the events that caused your heartbreak while your feelings have not yet calmed down, you still better conclude for yourself that there are two types of relationships between a man and a woman: successful and training.
Your positive attitude will allow you to use the experience gained to prevent mistakes that have been made in the past.
Remind yourself that you are becoming stronger and more confident, as well as gaining the ability to better understand your feelings and desires.
Feeling guilty about a broken relationship is a completely meaningless and unnecessary emotion.
You are unable to control the other person in you.
And even if you now think that you were to blame for something, at the time of making the wrong decisions, you still did the best thing, taking into account your knowledge and experience.
Also, don't try to pin the blame on ex girlfriend(guy), anyway, if you want to stop loving this person.
Any strong emotion, no matter what charge it carries in itself: positive or negative, will act as a reminder of the past, intensifying mental pain, if you do not clear your mind of it.
Doing something out of the ordinary, such as visiting an exotic destination or even changing jobs, is one of the best ways to break existing habits and replace them with new ones, as well as spice up your routine with vivid experiences that are sure to help and shift your focus away from seemingly never-ending problems. for a happy future.
If this is a difficult task for you, make simple changes to your daily routine, such as going for a Saturday night walk with friends or visiting a previously unexplored part of your city.
Another way to diversify your life is to find a new hobby, such as cooking, swimming, skydiving, or something else that is new to you.
Focus on things that give you pleasure that can be part of the healing process for you at this point in your life.
One of the signs of your readiness to move on is the emergence of an interest in what surrounds you, as well as in other people.
At the stage of presence heartache you go deep into yourself, but now you are close to being ready to stop loving a person.
The list of objects on which your attention is focused begins to replenish with interests that are not related to past relationships.
Now you again remember that in life there is no most important and most important thing.
Nadezhda likes to play tricks on people.
Your mind will not start the process of psychological recovery after a breakup until it is sure that there is no chance of a return to the relationship.
If you want to be as fast as possible, you will have to destroy all expectations.
Most importantly, there should be no expectations that this person will call you or, and it is also necessary to eradicate the hope that one day you will meet somewhere by chance.
The most difficult step is that this person no longer loves you. It's hard to understand how someone who once made you so happy decided to leave your life.
Phenomena in this world are constantly changing, and you should accept the fact that your person's feelings have changed.
Just remind yourself that it's over.
Many people enter into relationships with the goal of systematically getting a guaranteed boost of positive emotions, because they want to forget about life's problems.
If you have been able to become less dependent on relationships, you will be able to bridge the gap with your loved one much easier.
Learn to solve life's problems, and not hide from them under the cover of relationships.
It will also give you the strength and courage to endure any disaster in your life.
It is impossible to completely eliminate psychological dependence on people close to you, but by involving a variety of interests and hobbies in your life, you can significantly reduce the significance of someone who, as you think, must be around.
Believe me, your life will become much more fulfilling and interesting.
Reading time: 2 min
How to stop loving a person This is a common question asked by psychologists. Relationships are a dynamic process and at a certain stage it happens that the best thing for these relationships is to end them. This is not only about real relationships, but the same principle of unrequited love. When a person does not receive reciprocal emotions in reality, he tends to fantasize about how it will be good or how it would be. The slightest signals that I would like to interpret as positive in their direction also feed illusions. And a person falls in love with the image of a person and relationships with him created in his fantasy.
If there was communication or relationships, then by the time the question “how to stop loving a loved one” arises, they have come to naught and the partner feels emptiness and disappointment. Often there is a sense of one's powerlessness in front of the feeling that should nourish the personality.
In the first, acute period of the gap, you want to close and get distracted, which is a healthy desire of the psyche to survive excessive pain. To be alone, distracted and forgotten, when any contact with the theme of love is painful and traumatic for a person. But the acute period passes, the first pain subsides, and further actions will be the basis for the possibility of the individual in the future to form relationships and experience feelings of mutual love. Although after parting it seems that there is no longer any strength for relationships, the heart gave the last piece, and this will not happen again, we must remember that this is. Having passed the path of recovery, you can restore the ability to love, it is important not to limit yourself in this possibility, ignoring this need, depriving it of sources of development and denying the ability to regenerate the soul.
After parting, when it comes to understanding that the relationship has reached an impasse or there is absolutely no reciprocity, the person is looking for help and advice. When discussing with relatives, friends and a psychologist, a person wants to find peace and get an answer to the question - how to quickly fall out of love with a person?
Often a person does not want to renounce love, because it refers to those feelings that are of great value in life. And sometimes the only thing to refuse it may be precisely the presence of its sincere reason. It is love for another that can inspire to get rid of feelings for him, since there is an understanding that one’s feeling can only bring negative emotions to a loved one.
Love is a mutual process and involves an exchange between people. Unilaterally, feelings of such strength have a destructive effect on all participants, flooding one with excessive pressure, depriving the other of strength and leading him to emotional, psychological exhaustion. This is well reflected in the creative heritage, so watching good romantic films, listening to music can improve perception and give an understanding of the total investment in love and the need to leave, so as not to apply emotional torture to your loved one when you demand feelings from someone who does not want them back.
You should not avoid communicating with people, especially those who are in a relationship, in love, with those with whom you can have a relationship or treat you well. Often this is perceived painfully and causes a desire to abandon this format. Here, initially, it may be necessary to translate into practical necessity, as an important element of rehabilitation is a feasible load. For a cure, it is necessary to provide building elements, oxygen, and activity. Just as avoiding weight bearing on an injured leg will lead to muscle wasting and creating problems with continued functioning, avoiding communication associated with experiencing the trauma of loss of love can lead to a further inability to form healthy romantic relationships.
To perceive a person who has fallen out of love as the only couple, a soul mate, is not a productive strategy. Anyone who has formed a relationship after the end of the previous ones knows that a new partner also becomes valuable. Even the subjective strength of feelings is not indicative, since many experienced highly emotional feelings in the period, but remained quite capable of creating a permanent and long-term couple with another person. This should not devalue a love relationship in general, which would be the opposite extreme, because just having the potential doesn't make the process of building a love relationship easy or burdensome. But the perception of insurmountable difficulties in relationships that lead a person to the conclusion that relationships are not needed, control over emotions is equated with suppression of any manifestations of experiences, which blocks an important aspect of a person’s mental life, since emotions are a kind of fuel for, especially for the creative part. At the same time, we are talking not only about a literal creative manifestation, but also about creative transformation and personality change in the process of obtaining a new unique experience.
Each person is whole in himself and has the potential to form healthy and reciprocal relationships with a wide range of people. Each person has the potential to form a wide range of related (including we have no limit on how many children we can love), friendships, so limiting your vision of romantic relationships is rather illogical. The partner seems subjectively the only one, because we reward him with this value, and in the case of a healthy relationship, he mutually rewards us with similar significance, and this mutual feeling creates the uniqueness of the couple.
When an understanding of non-reciprocity of feelings comes to a person, there is a desire to stop loving in response. And a person asks a question - how to quickly stop loving a person who does not love you? Whether we are talking about existing relationships or about falling in love initially not mutual, that if a person is not loving, then he demonstrated this dislike for a certain period, behaved like a person who does not love. If a person has a good level of self-esteem, then the feeling will decrease.
How to fall out of love with a loved one? If a person loves someone who is not mutual, then the main problem is in the first and there is a way to stop loving. By analogy, you can imagine that a person to whom you are indifferent will come up and hit or insult. Undoubtedly, no one will tolerate this, and even without a mutual response, it is unlikely that there will be a desire to hug him. Moreover, it reinforces a bad attitude. So with love - you are love, you are dislike, love decreases (as in the example, from a neutral attitude to negative, here from positive to neutral). But for this you need to feel your value in your eyes, and not give the opportunity to a feeling that should bring joy to life to destroy.
How to quickly fall out of love with a loved one, if there is an understanding that the feelings are not mutual? By the same analogy, you can stop yourself, for the further manifestation of love without reciprocity. Love is a strong feeling, it is not in vain that it is opposed to hatred and aggression. They are equivalent, but with different signs. How sweet and salty. And it seems that if love is a positive feeling, then they cannot be done badly. You can, as you can overeat sweets. So it is for a person who does not love, to demonstrate his love, how to force feed. How to water with boiling water, because the water temperature is above zero. Despite the names positive, positive and negative, negative, in psychology these words do not mean that the first one needs more and the second one needs less. Everything strives for homeostasis, balance. The meaning is in the strength and context of application, and not in the particular perception of the sign. Thus, from an indifferent one can become a hater.
You should not give in to the desire to compare everyone with the object of love, creating mental dialogues, scenes, real or imagined communication. This creates an illusory reality in psychological terms, unattainable for creation. A person does not perceive the other objectively, but more as a projection of his own world, as well as in the dynamics of relationships that change as the personalities involved in communication change. The image of the lost always, especially initially, takes on large-scale, sometimes grotesque forms in fantasies, therefore what is happening is perceived fatally and uncompromisingly. The value of the lost devalues the rest of the spheres and the surrounding people, drawing all attention to itself, in terms of Gestalt psychology - a figure grows in the field, which does not allow closing the gestalt of relationships.
The other will never be able to give an opportunity to experience an experience similar to the one that was lost, because he is different, a person looking for a semblance of an old partner, different already, since he has received new experience, the relationship between them should also be formed without attracting old communications. This is also one of the reasons why sometimes love relationships end - without seeing changes in the partner and holding on to the image in illusions, moments of cooling and discontent are ignored, which gradually lead to the destruction of relationships.
Faced with disappointment in a relationship, a person wants to understand how to quickly fall out of love with a loved one. Switch. To say - not to do, but so with any undertaking. In psychoneurology, there is the concept of "dominant" - the center of brain activity, the nerve paths to which are trodden and it absorbs thoughts. Love (or rather, the projection of a person in the psyche) can become such a dominant and it seems that one cannot think of anything else. In order to reduce the attractiveness of the dominant for the nervous system, it is necessary to create another one. How to use locks to transfer the pressure of the river to another place, to distribute energy. But in the case of the river - he put a mechanical obstacle and the job is done, then the nervous system needs time to switch, and the impulse, out of habit, tends to the old place. Therefore, at the first stages, you need to remind yourself and, by an effort of will, perform actions to switch to another. Work, sports, creativity - the list is banal, but the most effective ways are usually the most predictable.
That is why the least likely to ask a similar question: “how to stop loving a person?”, Are people who have several “centers of activity”, because they initially have a distribution into different areas. Therefore, the principle of “going into work with your head” plays into the hands of a person. Or train for a marathon. Or learn how a graphics program works to beautiful photos post on a social network. For the same reason - alcohol is not an option in the long run, it is possible to form addiction according to the same principle.
This, of course, is not a one-time action. One-time (or several times) to suffer, cry and so on is quite acceptable, to seek help and support from relatives and friends. But it shouldn't become a habit either. Constantly discussing the situation and emotionally reinforcing it, the dominant only increases. If you want to cry, you need to cry, but purposefully putting yourself in a situation where tears will appear, for example, in the next discussion, this is some kind of mockery of yourself. For the same reason, it is good and useful to be alone for a while, especially if there is a general tendency to experience some processes on your own. But making a constant choice in its favor is a bad strategy for its further development and will only take away the source of vivid emotions and paralyze an important part of human life.
How to stop loving a person? Psychologists advise going on dates. Initially, to switch, shift thoughts from one dominant partner in fantasies to other potential ones. When a person is faced with disappointment in love, his self-worth for partnerships in his subjective perception is reduced, there is a doubt about the ability to communicate effectively in love. And if isolation is chosen during such a traumatic situation, then such perception will be strengthened (because it is deprived of the possibility of a positive experience) and in the future, fear of communication or devaluation of relationships may form when they talk about "the habit of being alone." There can also be certain traps here, but from the point of view of switching communication, isolation is a priority.
