Love at the age of 17 is something both childish and adult, because guys and girls at this age are just getting ready to become men and women, and at the same time they have minimal life experience.
There is no more mysterious and alluring feeling in a person's life than love. It can knock on our door suddenly or grow and develop for a long time.
Forewarned is forearmed. Love at 17 adolescence often associated with negative factors that lead to further problems with studies, parents, friends.
No, this does not mean at all that at the age of 17 it is “impossible”. Just such an age is successful for the first relationship.
A person's personality develops throughout life. Each period is associated with the action of its social and biological factors that influence the formation of a person's character, his worldview.
According to E. Erickson, 11-20 years is the time of puberty, adolescence and adolescence. During this period, a teenager's self-determination takes place, the formation of plans for the future.
Boys and girls decide main question: who to be and what to do in life? They experiment, play different roles in society.
“First love is not the first and not the last. This is the love in which we most of all invested ourselves, our soul, when we still had a soul, ”A. V. Vampilov
However, we are interested in the following: during this period, there is a clear sexual polarization, i.e. development of sexual self-determination and associated forms of social behavior.
E. Erickson also highlights the abnormal side of personality development at the age of 11-20, when a person cannot focus on his future and often looks into the past.
His worldview and beliefs are mixed up, becoming unconvincing for the individual himself. There is a problem of "self-digging". There is a mixture of forms of sexual behavior in society.
What can influence the formation of personality:
17 years is a transitional age when a guy or a girl is preparing for adulthood. During this period, teenagers begin to ask questions that they have not even thought about before (What is life?
How to live right? How to become happy? What to do to succeed in society? What awaits me in the future? What will my parents say about me at the age of 20-25?).
In general, a person understands himself and his desires, needs, duties, hobbies, beliefs.
From the age of 16, most boys and girls are attracted to the opposite sex. They ask questions about the sexual characteristics of men and women, their physiology, sex.
And yes, sex at 16-18 is normal. The only thing to be aware of is the possible risks.at the age of 17 will leave many memories for life.
Whether they will be good or negative depends on the adolescents themselves and their psychological state. By this age, the person becomes mature enough to "taste" the relationship for the first time.
Even at the age of 17, true love can arise. However, this is rare, and teenagers often confuse this feeling with being in love or passion.
If passion is a drug, then love is healing and creation. This is how the two feelings differ. Being in love is not love either.
This is mania, sympathy for a member of the opposite sex. A teenager wants to spend time together and comfortably, without feeling any responsibilities or problems.
When there is love between teenagers, everything becomes different: people are not only attracted to each other because of their positive qualities.
The guy and the girl also do not pay attention to each other's shortcomings, sometimes finding advantages in them. They do not try to fix something in themselves, and it is not necessary.
Here are specific signs of love that are relevant not only for teenagers, but also for other age categories:
Any relationship begins with a feeling of love. 17 year olds are no exception.
There are several signs by which you can guess the existence of sympathy for a guy or girl:
| A teenager comes home later than usual | He begins to spend his free time not on a computer or books, but on “walking with friends” |
| Long phone calls become commonplace | A teenager can hang on the phone for 30 minutes or even several hours in a row, chatting about anything. |
| Boy or girl start to follow | and with their appearance with greater diligence |
| Contraceptives appear | — |
| Constant changes in the mood of a teenager | Either he is happy (after a successful date) or depressed, crying, walking around with a sad face (unrequited love) |
There are also differences in behavior between boys and girls.
What are the characteristic features of behavior that can give out a teenage girl in love:
Now let's talk about boys. What behavioral features can be seen in the representatives of the stronger sex:
Teenagers are always interested in something new, and relationships are no exception. They can affect a guy or a girl in different ways, and this can often be seen.
Video: my first love at 17 - experience and conclusions
Every teenager should always remember that relationships are not only pleasure in the company of their soulmate, but also responsibility.
Therefore, true first love at such an early age is not common and is typical only for mature persons, not only physically, but also spiritually.
Last time we talked to you about the childhood love that comes to our babies before puberty. Today I propose to discuss teenage love, try to figure out what it is, how to properly respond to the feelings of your child and help him cope with them.
Puberty is such a complex and mysterious stage of development in the life of adolescents. At the age of 12-16, our children experience a strong love, becoming more distracted, apathetic, their mood changes at the speed of sound, academic performance decreases. And it is the parents in this situation who should take on the role of wise mentors in order to help their children survive this difficult time. After all, who knows in advance, what if your teenager met his fate?
You should not take the news of falling in love as a global tragedy and throw tantrums about this with wringing hands, fainting and terrible thoughts like: “Oh, it’s too early for him to fall in love, he should only have studies in his head.” Remember yourself at this age, your experiences, throwing, fear to confess to your parents, horror at the thought that someone else besides you will find out about your feeling. Remembered? And what was it like for you? If you are lucky and your parents have supported you, do the same with your child. And, if in adolescence you were unlucky, and adults only brushed you off, giving you a slap along the way and punishing you (as I did) - you should not do the same. The opinion that “I managed and survived, and, therefore, you can” can be fatal for your child. Unfortunately, the thought of suicide due to unrequited love and misunderstanding with parents visits teenagers quite often, just to brush it aside and not pay attention. If you see that something is wrong with the child, try to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, frankly.
If the child fell in love, then the time has come.
You will have to come to terms with this - the child has grown. He has grown so much that he is already ready to love and receive love. And if you set limits: it’s too early for you or he (she) is not a couple for you, you will lose the confidence of a teenager. What to do, how to act? Let's turn to psychologists for help, what they will advise.
1. To begin with, you should not elevate yourself above a teenager and crush with your parental authority - this will provoke a desire to act contrary to you.
2. Your child must understand that you are with him, that his problems are your problems, his experiences are your experiences, and that you understand him perfectly.
3. Do not make fun of his feelings - they are too important for teenagers, and your ridicule can hurt him, moving him away from you.
4. Try to choose a calm form of communication so that there is no irritation, mutual aggression - the children are so confused by the feelings that have arisen, and then the closest relatives and friends make scandals.
5. No one excludes the fact that the chosen one or chosen one of your child does not quite correspond to your parental plans - however, it is not for you to choose, in any case, in the most acute period of falling in love, you certainly will not do anything. You should not make fun of his sympathy, speaking unflatteringly and derogatoryly, it is better to find kind, affectionate words - it is easy to lose a child's trust, it is difficult to return.
6. Super-caring parents will immediately try to give a lecture on the topic of early sexual activity, its dangers, diseases and consequences. Of course, sexual education of adolescents is necessary, the main thing is not to overdo it and not provoke excessive interest in that very “forbidden fruit”.
7. To have a clear idea of the object of adoration for your child - invite him to visit. What will it give you? You will personally get acquainted, make your own, objective, opinion about him. And it is better to let them see each other at your home, in front of your eyes, than somewhere along the doorways. Just don't "strangle" the young lovers with excessive guardianship, give them a little freedom of action.
8. Choose a good moment and tell us about your first love, about your experiences, how and how it all ended, what experience you gained.
9. Do not prevent a teenager from making decisions on his own, to consider his object of sympathy better, even if he is disappointed in him - this will be his decision, not yours.
And how to communicate with him, in love?
A teenager in love does not fully understand what is happening to him: hormones are seething, the mood is either up or down, then I love, then I hate. Definitely, he needs your support: you are older, you are more experienced, after all, you have already been through this. And young Romeo and Juliet, who so much want to be adults, are still on the path of gaining experience and your valuable advice, truthful answers to questions, openness and desire to help will be very helpful.
When a child is in love, he wants to be better, look more beautiful and neat. It's time to teach your offspring how to properly arrange things in the closet, how to take care of yourself, a reminder of hygiene will not be superfluous. You can go shopping together and pick up a few new things for the child, beautiful accessories for the girl. In short, take an active part in the transformation of the child. Your offspring will definitely not hear lectures about deteriorating studies, but neat conversations on this topic are still worth holding. Try to convey to him that a quality education is a great start for the future and love in this matter is not a hindrance, but rather a great helper. Help plan the day so that enough time is given to homework.
Of course, it’s easy to give advice and you can write anything you want, but let’s talk honestly with parents. Answer me a question: are you afraid of falling in love with your teenager? Why? What exactly is the source of anxiety? Fear that your child may face unrequited love? What will suffer and do a lot of stupid things in such a state? Or do you personally do not want to worry about this too?
In any case, whatever your answers, remember that this is your child, but not property. And he grows, his problems and difficulties also acquire a more adult character. Whether you like it or not, he's in love. And it is in your power to help him cope with this avalanche of emotions that are still incomprehensible, let the child feel that you are with him, you are there and will always help. Throw your fears, parental jealousy out of your head - they are not your helpers. Our children are worthy of respect, they do not need prohibitions and limits, they need our support and love.
Romeo and Juliet - back side love.
Let's talk a little about bad habits. Above, I have already cited as an example the advice of a psychologist that it is better to personally get to know the object of adoration of your child. And if you notice that something is wrong with the chosen one - do not rush to immediately put him out the door. Better then talk with your teenager and try to find out in more detail who his chosen one is, from which family. The age of 14-16 years is a time of experiments, when yesterday's children try to imitate adults: they try to smoke, get acquainted with alcohol, alas, but also with drugs. And here it is important not to miss the moment when a teenager from being interested becomes addicted.
Sports, all kinds of hobby groups, sections - this is the distraction that will help you protect your teenager from an early acquaintance with adult life. Scolding, punishing, and even more so to beat - it makes no sense. As I wrote above, this can provoke an action “contrary to”. Conversations that are even better supported by relevant literature will be more effective.
Due to misunderstandings with my parents, I started smoking at the age of 13, and by the age of 15 I got acquainted with alcohol. All this was done in spite of parental prohibitions: don't go, don't walk, stay at home and learn your lessons. It is a miracle that with such behavior I did not get into bad company, but finished school decently and was able to enter a university and get a higher education.
The first sexual experience is also acquired at this age: someone learns to kiss, and someone acquires a sexual partner. And here it is worth reminding you that you should start talking with your children about sex education from early childhood, presenting information in accordance with the age of your child. A teenager who knows where and how children come from, what sex is and what the consequences can be is unlikely to want full-fledged intimacy at this age.
Let's summarize.
Love is, of course, always beautiful! This is a feeling that elevates a person, motivating him to do things that were not previously characteristic of him. This is such a set of emotions that cannot be described in one sentence, but without this feeling, human life is not perfect. And when our children fall in love, you should not interfere with them by creating an obstacle course on the way to the object of your sympathy. Help them, so young and inexperienced, teach them to respect their chosen ones, to appreciate, to be sensitive and attentive, caring.
Remember, dear parents, that now you are helping your child learn to love, and how closely and sincerely you take part in his life depends on how he will build relationships with the opposite sex in adulthood.
A funny picture with statistics has been circulating on the Internet for a long time: why do women fall in love? The percentages in it are distributed in this way: 61% cannot live without unnecessary problems, 13% peck at money, 11% did not listen to their mother, 9% love animals, 6% are just fools. This is a joke, but, as always, with a grain of truth. Only these statistics do not take into account the age of a woman, depending on which her attitude towards men and towards love changes. We will try to understand the psychology of female love at different stages of life, but not in jest, but seriously.
It may not necessarily be 15 years old, but also 14, maybe love at 16, and 17, and 19 - the time of youth and the time of first love. At this age, we have the most controversial and chaotic attitude towards men. On the one hand, the bar for a potential boyfriend is raised to the skies, on the other hand, cloudiness in the brain and soul, as well as a complete lack of experience, does not allow one to correctly judge men, evaluate their advantages and disadvantages. In youth, we are attracted, first of all, by the picture, appearance, behavior, behind which we see, invent and think out internal qualities - kindness, intelligence, decency. Remember how you had a "selection of applicants" at the age of 15. It probably looked something like this. you walked with best friend down the street, at the parade, with the hairstyles that you just did to each other at home, seeming so grown-up to yourself, but in fact, just like girls, similar to each other and funny. You walked and noted with your eyes every passing male, and especially those whose age was 3-5 years older than you. Because those who are younger are youngsters, and those who are older are old farts. And given that girls at the age of 13-17 are the funniest creatures on the planet, just show them a finger - they will roll up, as soon as another young man slipped past you, an explosion of laughter was immediately heard. The phrases accompanying this explosion could be: "Did you see how he was staring? Fu, how nasty! Crocheted nose! Also a punk to me! Does he even wash? He liked you! Look, he turns around! Ha-ha-ha! Let's run from here!"
This went on until you met HIM. And Pushkin's lines "The soul was waiting ... for someone" and "It's time to come, she fell in love" fully suited you too. Most often, a 15-year-old girl falls in love with a guy who is in front of everyone, handsome or impudent, someone who for various reasons (impudence, sense of humor, parents' money) becomes the center of attention. I experienced it myself when for two years of my youth I was sick like never before in my life, by a man five years older than me. He was the captain of the KVN team. Once I accidentally got into a company where everyone listened, with their mouths open, to his jokes and laughed. And I laughed too, and then I came home and sobbed into the pillow all night. She wrote in diaries, drew her experiences with black ink on paper, woke up and fell asleep thinking about him, took time every day to “accidentally” walk past the kiosk where he usually bought cigarettes, hoping to see him and hear a casual “hello”. He had slightly slanting eyes, a slightly wild look, a feverish blush on his cheeks. He was also rude and drank a lot. And laughed at me. I loved him the way you can only love in your youth - madly and forever.
The age from 20 to 30 years old with a center at 25 is the same age when the main "fateful" decisions in life are usually made. In this time period, as a rule, we meet someone who - for life or only for part of it - becomes our second half.
At the age of 25, a woman already has experience in relationships with men, she has experienced meetings and partings, resentment and forgiveness, several times her ideas about men have been turned upside down and vice versa. She came to the conclusion that handsome men are often selfish, jokers are womanizers, drinkers are professionals, namely drunkards who cannot be cured by love and affection. Now she looks at men differently: she looks closely, carefully questions her acquaintances, is afraid of getting burned, weighs all the pros and cons, and draws parallels with past relationships. And if in youth the external attractiveness of the subject came first, now the inner world of a man, his attitude towards his beloved woman, and, of course, his material wealth, become valuable. After all, he must provide not only for his wife, but also for joint children - all this is constantly kept in mind by a woman around the age of 25.
It takes a 25-year-old girl much less time than a 17-year-old girl to understand: this man is not suitable for her. She knows how this or that life conflict can end, for example, falling in love with a married man, and she will try not to waste several years of her life on a person who will never leave his wife and children. Although even an adult woman sometimes understands this too late.
At this age, you are in the prime of your attractiveness, and therefore quite high requests for a man whom you would like to see as your husband have a very real chance of being crowned with success. In a word, you want a lot and you will get a lot! Although, of course, no one is immune from disappointment.
Love at 16 is different than love at 30. After 30, you become a person with an established character, with the same strengths and weaknesses, habits, needs and established lifestyle. You cannot be remade, you cannot be molded from you, like from plasticine, a different person, you hardly make compromises and almost cannot adapt to other people at all. You are who you are. And you want to be loved by the same perfect man, which you dreamed of at 25 years old. This is where the difficulty lies. That man has been married for a long time. He has obligations, problems, in the end - a wife. He is not up to you. True, sometimes he gets divorced, and then at his disposal the attention of many women much younger than you, ready to become plasticine in his hands. And you are different. You are older. And why are you better than them?
All women over 30 can be divided into two categories: those who lower the bar in relation to men, and those who do not.
The expression "lower the bar" can easily be replaced by "become more tolerant of people." You become more tolerant of men, you can forgive them a lot, for example, rude treatment (“He has so many problems at work!”), A reminder that you are sitting on his neck (“But I really get 5 times less than he!"), sometimes even betrayal ("Anyway, he returned to me. I am a wise woman"). Some women really, with all sincerity, forgive a lot to their men, loving and considering them good people, only tormented by work, deeds and life in general. Other ladies endure and lower the bar just because they feel: their time is running out, there’s no time for intelligibility here, even if there is one, but there is a man in the house. And public opinion, "persuading" them not to wander around and take what's left, plays an important role in this black business.
A woman after 35 with high demands for men should be ready to be left alone. Because her potential rivals have youth, naivete and freshness of feelings that men like so much. But she also has a chance to get what she deserves. And for this you need to constantly work on yourself, improving spiritually and physically. Maintain a slim figure. Dress elegantly, attractively, tastefully, use expensive cosmetics. Treat and cherish, love yourself. Self-fulfilling work. And in your free time, do not sit at home, but attend festive events, make friends, live a full life. And be present where the man of her dreams can be (of course, without having it in mind at all!) And this man will not miss such a woman! Indeed, besides the fact that she is successful, interesting and independent, she is also truly BEAUTIFUL in her 30s. And the beauty of a mature woman is inherently deeper and more attractive than the ephemeral charm of youth.
But now I already hear indignant phrases about why we, women, should try all our lives for men, dress attractively, go to beauty salons, etc.? Please don't rape anyone. Stay in your favorite stretchy jeans and pilled top and don't wash off your chipped nails for at least another week. Nobody is forcing you to change! But then don't dream of smart and successful men who have Suskind's latest novel in the back seat of a luxury car. Because you, with your rich inner world, unfortunately, will certainly never fall into the zone of their attention.
So: love at 16 is fundamentally different from love at 35. In youth, we fall in love with a picture, in youth - with a character, and in maturity - with a man who is really worthy of us. Or we are alone. And we continue to live on. Waiting for love...
First love. From 12 to 16 years Girls 12-14 years old - a mixture of chemical elements, a storm of feelings and emotions. If you fell in love, then for the rest of your life - with the best, the most unusual, the most beautiful. And it doesn’t matter to her that the chosen one is most often older, that he is a famous actor or singer. You can be friends with peers, but you must definitely love an older young man, and so that everyone loves him, and he only loves her alone. She had already come up with a plan to get to know him, how did they start dating writes poetry at night and cries softly. And then, just as lightning fast, the object of love is replaced by another, either just as distant and inaccessible, or one who is closer.
At this age, you want a fairy tale, so that everything is like in a beautiful movie or a book - and you can’t deviate from the script. A teenage girl might be glad to pay attention to her peer, but only he does not notice her, because he has not grown up yet. The boy is still unaware that it is time to think about love seriously and for a long time. He has a lot of his interests - sports, computer games , study, self-expression in the company of peers. But if it happens that a teenage boy is imbued with love for a girl, then she does not always reciprocate. At the same time, the young lady is ready to accept the courtship of the "prince", but she definitely needs the moral support of either her parents or her girlfriend. And even better, parents and girlfriends.
Boys see and understand that girls pay attention to older guys. In conditions of fierce competition, they either begin to develop their strengths, or go into a vivid demonstration of their "cool", often antisocial behavior. Start smoking, drinking alcohol , slander, become rude in communication. Girls often do the same to please older guys. At this age, the moral help of parents or other emotionally significant adults is needed more than ever. With the help of your own examples, works of art, personal life experience, explain, show the child normal relationship between a man and a woman . Feel free to explain all aspects of a romantic relationship to him, including sexual ones. This is especially true if you have a daughter. After all, it is the girls who are not yet fully aware of all the changes in their figure that flirt and flirt with young people, enjoying the attention they receive.
Teenagers often express their feelings in poetry
Yaroslava Zarosilova
educational psychologist
"I know you will fall out of love someday.
Most likely I will love another, but know!
You will always be in my heart"
How many of these poems are hidden in the phones, diaries and laptops of young ladies, how many of these sad poems will still be written and rewritten old ones. Every girl wants to be a princess and find a prince, every prince is looking for a princess. That's just the age they were lost ...
At the age of 15-16, the emotional and moral development between boys and girls is practically equalized. Romantic relationships that arise at this age are already more deliberate and not as fleeting as before. If literally a year or two ago the object of passion could change several times a month, now everything is stable and constant.
When there is no reciprocity, a teenager in love looks for the reason either in himself or in the environment. The child may withdraw into himself go into depression . The main thing is to always be with him, talk, discuss and not let him close. You can involve him in sports or art hobbies so that the teenager can properly work out the romantic feeling and get the most out of it.
Explain to your child that love is a priori mutual! The fact that he is experiencing a strong love is wonderful, he is now familiar with such a feeling. Show him that many famous works of art were written during the time of falling in love. Perhaps your child will begin to write poetry, paintings, music. The main thing is to direct all emotional power in a creative direction, and you will see that very soon your child will no longer experience the bitterness of disappointment or rejection.
If your child has fallen in love - in no case do not give any assessments to his or her chosen one, observe neutrality. Remember, the more you show your displeasure, the more the child will provoke you to do so.
Be for him a friend, adviser, protector, reliable rear. Perhaps your child's first love will be the only one for life. Let these feelings live!
No wonder people say - "little children - little troubles." As your yesterday's baby grows, more and more chores and problems appear. Just yesterday, mom was looking for answers to questions related to raising a baby. And today she is feverishly looking for any information about such a phenomenon as the manifestation of love in adolescents of 14 years old, and sometimes even younger.
No matter how parents deny the fact that their child has grown up, and no matter how they drive away the thought of a possible love of teenagers, and even more so about teenage sex, almost no one can avoid this. Don't believe? And try to strain your memory and remember yourself at this age. Surely, you will remember your first love - so pure and bright, when it seemed that this love was forever. And the chosen one or the chosen one seemed the most ideal people in the world.
So why do parents, having heard that their child has also encountered his first love, refuse to believe in this fact and take it for granted? Often, parents begin to prove to their child that he is still too small for love, that this is not love at all, without listening to any persuasions and exhortations of their child. But that's not the worst thing parents can do.
A much bigger mistake, which is quite common, is to make fun of a child's feelings. The consequences of such a line of parental behavior can be the saddest. Moreover, the loss of mutual understanding and contact between parents and their child is far from the worst option. Sometimes, to our great regret, a desperate teenager in love may even try to make a suicide attempt. Especially if this very first love turns out to be unrequited.
Also, very often the chosen one or the chosen one of your child becomes a reason for disagreement. In almost all cases, it has happened for a long time, but their parents do not like the choice of children at all. Those parents who turn out to be a little wiser than the rest prefer to keep all criticism about the choice of a son or daughter to themselves. However, alas, most often parents at an emotional input, without particularly choosing words and expressions, tell the child everything they think about his soulmate.
As a result, a difficult, tense psychological situation reigns in the house - the parents conduct endless conversations in the spirit of “mother did not raise a berry for him,” the child snaps. Agree - not the most rosy prospect. And in order not to be in such an unpleasant situation, parents must be fully armed.
After all, it often happens that all parental discontent and worries turn out to be absolutely justified. Unfortunately, no matter how parents want it, the social circle of modern teenagers is quite large, and includes not only positive boys and girls.
And for some reason, very often teenagers choose their soul mates from the so-called antipodes - people who are completely opposite to themselves. Look around - for sure, you will remember several couples in which the partners, at first glance, seem completely unsuitable for each other. The boy is an excellent student, a university student, dating a poorly educated and rather dissolute high school student. Or, on the contrary, a girl - a member of the Komsomol, a pioneer and just a beauty, doomed to the first fool, and a hooligan of the yard.
Sometimes their friendships and relationships are completely innocent, and do absolutely no harm to a teenager. However, not always, unfortunately. How many times have teenagers, trying to be like their soul mate, started smoking, tasting alcohol, and even drugs. But even this is not a complete list of what a child who finds himself in a socially disadvantaged environment may be drawn into.
So that, to the best of their ability, parents can prevent such situations, support their child morally, and, where it is really necessary, control the child, or vice versa, give him a little more will, and you need to know everything about such things as love teenagers.
Child and family psychologists unanimously argue that adolescence is one of the most difficult for both the child himself and all the adults around him. And this is not surprising - after all, it is at a transitional age that a child very actively begins to manifest such a character trait as adolescent negativism.
It manifests itself in the fact that a teenager begins to question absolutely all the words of adults, trying to refute them, and not in discussion, but in practice. Mom says that smoking is bad for health? So, you need to smoke and see in half a year what will come of it. Did dad say you have to be at home no later than ten o'clock at night? We should try to come at 11 and see what happens.
In addition, at a certain point, almost all teenagers begin to feel that adults climb too hard not only into the soul, but also into the life of the child. Especially if adults only confirm his assumptions with their behavior. There are several main taboos that psychologists strongly do not recommend breaking:
Otherwise, your child will close in itself more densely than a mollusk in its shell. After all, even in that case. if the relationship between parents and children is just perfect, in adolescence they still try not to let parents into their lives once again. And therefore, most often, attentive parents can find out that your child has fallen in love only by signs of love, because it is unlikely that the child will be able to hide all his thoughts and emotions. So these signs are:
In the event that earlier your child could spend days on end reading a book or at a computer, and recently he has increasingly disappeared outside the house, returning later than usual, this may be a sign that he has fallen in love. And, of course, he tries to spend all his free time with his passion.
In such a case, the biggest mistake of parents will be prohibitions to spend time outside the home. The child will begin to violently protest against such a ban, and may simply hate you. Of course, after some time, this hatred will disappear without a trace, but for a long time, the hassle is provided to both the parents themselves and the teenager.
It is much more reasonable to give the child a little more freedom than usual. Although, of course, in no case should one forget about the boundaries of the reasonable - it is unacceptable to allow a teenager to return in the morning. However, allow your son or daughter to return home at least an hour later than usual. Believe me - he will definitely appreciate your trust!
Often, when a teenager has a boyfriend or girlfriend, they begin to spend much more time talking on the phone. Moreover, if earlier the child was talking on the phone without any looking back in your presence, now he is trying to leave the room or at least move away from you a little further so that you do not hear the conversation.
Moreover, many parents are very worried about this, believing that the child is hiding something criminal from them. However, in fact, for the most part, all these conversations are inherently completely harmless. And the child leaves only because, considering himself already quite an adult, he strives for some autonomy and independence. Do not worry about this - very soon this desire will pass without a trace, immediately after the disappearance of youthful maximalism.
As a rule, this point is true in relation to boys. And this is not surprising - after all, fortunately, despite any emancipation and other "charms" of modern life, there are still quite a lot of real representatives of the stronger sex who prefer to pay for their dates on their own. And parents should be glad that they managed to raise a real man, albeit still very young.
Try, to the best of your family's financial means, to allocate a little more money to your son so that he can take his girlfriend to a cafe, or at least simply pay for public transport for her. Otherwise, the child will begin to independently seek an opportunity to find money.
And given the fact that not always a teenager can earn money, parents should seriously think about it. There is no guarantee that your son will not start stealing money from you. And this is in the best case, and in the worst case, the son may be involved in various illegal actions, and as a result, he will have quite serious problems with the law. After all, you probably don't want that, do you?
A change in the mood of a teenager can also indicate his love. Moreover, these same changes can be very different and opposite. In the event that the first love is mutual, the child feels a certain euphoria, is constantly in high spirits, which is very difficult for him to spoil.
But in the event that the object of sympathy did not reciprocate teenage love, the picture can be completely opposite. The child is almost constantly in a depressed state, may refuse to walk, eat. Teenage girls can cry a lot. Of course, parents should try to help their child at this time, but remember that adolescents' perception of the world is not at all the same as that of adults.
And if an adult woman who has parted with her passion, despite sobs, will gladly discuss with her friend all his shortcomings and agree that he is a complete bastard, then a teenager, in response to an attempt by his parents to point out the shortcomings of his chosen one, can completely close in himself. And even just an attempt by mom or dad to comfort a child can cause a protest reaction. It is much wiser to try to distract the child.
For example, if you have the opportunity, send the child somewhere to rest - a change of scenery helps even adults very well, not to mention impressionable teenagers. Or buy him something that he has long wanted - a computer, a new phone. And don’t worry too much yourself - no matter how deadly it may seem mental wound child, very soon he will calm down and forget his first unhappy love.
One of the most characteristic signs that a teenager has fallen in love is his increased attention to his appearance. Just yesterday, your son didn’t care much about the cleanliness of his shoes, but today you can look in them like in a mirror? Has your daughter suddenly started asking you for permission to dye her hair? All this is a reason for parents to assume that their child has fallen in love.
It is during this period that quite serious conflicts between parents and children also often arise. And this is not at all surprising - of course, if the child began to more carefully monitor his appearance, this will only be a plus. However, often a teenager conducts real experiments with his appearance - he dyes his hair in unimaginable shades, pierces all kinds of parts of the body, puts on unimaginable clothes.
Of course, only a few parents can calmly and silently observe such experiments without criticizing the child. However, such criticism is unlikely to have the desired effect, but the probability of spoiling the relationship with the child is very high. Therefore, try to accept the child with all his experiments - very soon they will pass, as they are just one of the inevitable factors of growing up and finding oneself.
If tolerating such creativity is absolutely unbearable, try inviting your child to go to a beauty salon and go shopping together. Perhaps in this way you will be able to at least slightly adjust the appearance of a teenager. And by the way, about shopping - try not to save on your child's wardrobe during this period, otherwise he may develop quite serious complexes. Yes, and children are quite cruel creatures - teasing a child who stands out from the general crowd, who does not have this or that fashionable thing, is an absolutely normal practice for them.
Sometimes it happens that parents accidentally find contraceptives in a teenager. As a rule, condoms are found most often in boys. But girls can also often find contraceptives - the same condoms, or even birth control pills.
This situation is twofold. On the one hand, there is nothing good in the fact that the child began to have sex too early. And it is quite natural that the very first desire of the parents will be the impulse to throw a terrible scandal with a showdown and the search for the perpetrators.
However, before you do this, try to calm down and think soberly. What will you achieve scandal? Virginity to your child will not return with all your desire. But the relationship, once again, can be ruined completely.
Psychologists recommend that parents pretend that they did not notice anything and ... rejoice. One can foresee the violent objections of the parents - they say, what is there to rejoice about? And the fact that your child turned out to be reasonable and far-sighted enough to take care of his safety. Not all teenagers, having begun a sexual life, think about their own safety in principle.
However, it’s also not worth relaxing at all - after all, your child is still quite young, and is unlikely to know about all the dangers that sexual relations may pose. Try to inadvertently make sure that the child receives all the necessary information. How you do it is not important. You can leave in a conspicuous place the relevant subject literature, for example.
Of course, this list of signs of a possible teenage crush is very arbitrary. Often, all these changes occur during adolescence, whether the child is in love or not. In addition, psychologists say that most of these signs should alert parents, especially the disappearance of money from home and the constant fluctuations in the emotional background of the child. In some cases, this may indicate that the child has quite serious problems, up to drug use.
In general, it is generally accepted that the more signs are collected, the higher the likelihood that the child is really in love. And very often the best way to find out is to ask the child an open question. But as you remember, if he does not want to answer him, you should not insist and try to get into the child’s soul - you can only push him away from you.
As you can see, love causes changes in teenagers almost always, and sometimes quite significant. How should parents respond to this situation? Let her take her course and not interfere? But it has already been said above that sometimes first love can lead to extremely sad consequences.
Interfere? However, even here pitfalls can lie in wait for parents - the child will consider that you do not trust him, or are overprotective. And this also often leads to various conflicts. Unfortunately, very often parents follow the path of least resistance - they simply forbid the child to communicate with the object of love. And they don’t pay much attention to such trifles as a spoiled relationship with their own offspring, believing that everything will work out by itself.
However, such a tactic of behavior is far from the most correct. At first glance, everything can go completely without a trace. However, in reality this is not at all the case - the child simply - simply hides his resentment deep into the subconscious. And then, after many years, you should not be surprised - why does your child pay you “protocol” courtesy visits several times a year, writing off for terrible employment.
However, this is not the most unpleasant of all that such a line of behavior can turn into. As a rule, almost all children, without exception, in adulthood, becoming parents themselves, involuntarily, at the subconscious level, will repeat the line of behavior of their parents. And that means their mistakes.
In order to prevent such a situation, it is very important to behave correctly in this situation. There are several tips from a psychologist that will help parents behave correctly. So:
If you are lucky and you know exactly who your child is in love with, try to get to know him. Advise the child to invite the chosen one or the chosen one home. And pay attention - there is absolutely no need to arrange a family dinner. Children are still too young, and therefore there is absolutely no point in arranging a “bride show”.
Acquaintance is necessary in order to get to know a person better. Very often, when meeting, it turns out that a person is actually much better than he seemed at first glance. And who knows, perhaps, behind the appearance of a cheeky girl with purple hair, there is a quite modest girl who is trying to fulfill herself in this way. And behind the appearance of a guy - a bully - a young man who catches every word and look of your daughter, ready to fulfill her every desire and protect her from the slightest danger.
In a very advantageous position are those parents who know the environment of their child. Try to get to know all, well, or almost all of his friends - and you will have at least a rough idea in what social circle your child rotates. So, you will already know approximately what to expect and what to prepare for.
However, be prepared for the fact that in order to get to know your child's friends, you will have to resort to a little trick. It is unlikely that the child will bring them to you one by one for acquaintance, as if for interrogation. But in the event that you organize a party for your son or daughter and their friends, you will surely have a great opportunity not only to see almost all your close people with your own eyes, but also to be known as understanding and, as the younger generation says, “advanced” parents.
However, remember that it is unlikely that children will be able to feel comfortable under your tireless control - give them a little bit of freedom. Stay for a while and go to the movies or visit - leave the teens alone. Trust me, nothing bad will happen to them. But your child will surely appreciate your trust in him, and will try in every possible way to justify him and not lose him. Yes, and such a small holiday will affect your relationship with your child in the most positive way.
It may well be that at the meeting you only make sure that you were right, and the second half of your child is very far from ideal. However, do not rush to tell your daughter that the guy is not worth her little finger, and your son that his girlfriend is just a dummy. Thus, you will not achieve anything, but only push the child away from you. Moreover, your child, in spite of you, will spend even more time with the object of sympathy, even if the interest passes by itself, in a natural way.
But talking frankly with the child will not be superfluous. Try to unobtrusively find out from your son or daughter what exactly attracted them so much in the chosen one or the chosen one. In no case do not ridicule the arguments of the child, but try to truly understand and accept them. Perhaps these arguments are not so naive and stupid.
Another very common mistake many parents make is turning a confidential conversation with their child into a banal lecture. Agree, few people will like the situation when he comes to a loved one with a desire to talk, but instead of advice, or at least understanding, he receives a moralizing sermon.
Therefore, no matter how hard it is for you to resist "soul-saving" conversations, in no case do not give in to the impulse. Be sure to listen to the child, try to give him the really right and helpful advice if he needs it. Remember that the first love will pass quickly enough, but restoring the lost trust of the child is extremely difficult, and sometimes completely unrealistic.
Of course, no parent wants their child to have to make mistakes. And then pay for these mistakes, sometimes quite seriously. However, you should never do this! No matter how much you want it, you can’t just physically protect your child from all the dangers that may lie in wait for him on a long journey of life.
So maybe it really makes sense to give the child the opportunity to make mistakes and gain their own life experience, albeit a minimal one? At least until the child is next to you, and you will be able to provide him with the necessary assistance. And later, when the child grows up, it may happen that you cannot help him in such situations. So why take the risk and deprive the child of the opportunity to gain experience and grow up?
In no case should you ever try to make an effort to make young lovers quarrel. And, unfortunately, many parents practice a similar line of behavior. Intrigue, gossip, slander, slander - parents are ready to do anything to quarrel young people.
However, this is very fraught with negative consequences. If you try to turn your child against his significant other, and their relationship remains strong, you risk becoming enemy number one for both of them. And in this case, be prepared for the fact that you will be shunned and avoided in every possible way. The child will fully and completely try to protect his personal life from your presence.
The reaction to even the most innocuous question like “where are you going?” will only make the child want to snap. The child will begin to hide everything from you - his computer, phone, personal belongings. Very soon, family life will begin to resemble a battlefield, on which parents and a teenager will become opponents.
Such a turn of events is especially fraught for the daughter's parents, and for herself in the first place. Often there are cases when a girl deliberately becomes pregnant very early from her boyfriend, and as a result, at 15-16 years old, parents are forced to either give their permission for marriage, or even send their daughter for an abortion.
But this is not the best solution either. Firstly, the first abortion, and even at such an early age, has an extremely negative impact on the health of a woman, and on the functioning of her reproductive system in particular. You should not focus on the medical aspects - for sure everyone knows about them very well.
And secondly, your daughter is now going through an extremely difficult life period. Hormonal changes, and even the first love, are a real explosive mixture that makes a girl absolutely uncontrollable. She can simply - simply pack up and go to live with her young man. And consider that you are very lucky if your daughter's chosen one turns out to be a quiet boy who lives in a neighboring house, and you systematically meet his parents in the nearest store.
And if not? If you have a very vague idea what kind of person is the guy your daughter is in love with? What if he lives where he has to, earns extra money doing not very legal business, or does he hitchhike? Think - where will you look for your daughter in this case? But such stories, unfortunately, are not at all some kind of horror stories for parents, but they occur, and, alas, they are not so rare.
In the event that you still manage to achieve your goal and your son or daughter parted with their passion, they may blame you for this. Often, even after many years, this childish resentment makes itself felt - the child can periodically, as a rule, during quarrels or conflicts, remind you of this act of yours.
If you categorically refuse to accept the choice of the child, remember that. That notations and moralizing in a conversation are in no case unacceptable. Therefore, try to go the other way - tell him about your first love. And do not skimp on words - tell us in as much detail as possible: about your feelings and emotions at that moment, about experiences, plans and hopes, about the first dates and the first kiss.
Try to speak as convincingly as possible so that the child feels the sincerity of your words. And then tell him how and why this love passed for you, how you met your true love- his second parent. Moreover, it is highly desirable that both parents, both mom and dad, tell about it.
Why is this needed, you ask? And with such stories, in any case, you will make the child involuntarily think about what. It is possible, and his first love is not forever. After all, the life of a child is just beginning - and who knows how it will develop further. However, in no case do not give examples from someone else's life - there is no point in pointing to a neighbor's girl who gave birth to a baby at 16 and is raising him alone. Such an example, most likely, the child will perceive as an ordinary regular “lecture” on the topic of morality.
Most often, in order for the child to part with his passion, parents choose the following tactics: they begin to look for the slightest flaws in the beloved teenager. And be sure to vigorously discuss them among themselves, but so that the child hears about it. And sometimes the child is also constantly pointed to them.
But such a tactic is doomed to failure in advance - people in love usually notice little around. And even more so, they never see flaws in the object of their love. It just so happened. That love is generally very prone to idealizing a partner. Don't believe? Remember yourself at the peak of love.
