More recently, it would seem that Mendelssohn's march sounded, you looked at the groom with loving eyes, but now you cannot see him. Everything in her husband infuriates - as he says, he watches TV, eats, sleeps. Your mood drops even when you hear the turn of his key in the lock.
What to do if you hate your husband so much that, even when talking with him on everyday topics, you can hardly restrain yourself so as not to break into a cry?! That his once native smell has become disgusting for you. That sex with him is sheer torment. What happened to him? Or is it your reason? And how to look at all its minuses not with hatred, but with understanding? Let's think.
Hate does not appear in a vacuum. Sometimes the expected miracle turns into a real monster. You married the man in whom you saw a romantic young man: in love with you, making small and pleasant surprises. But in everyday life, he turned out to be completely different: scattered socks are a drop in the ocean. And how many other little things that were hidden during the candy-bouquet romance:
Such trifles can be listed endlessly, and they gather in one nasty lump, it’s a shame for a husband in public, hatred splashes out of you even with one of his plebeian tricks. But is it all that sad?
And you know, if he behaves like this, then you have become dear to your husband - a kind of indicator of complete trust. With you, he is honest and natural. You can't bear to live with him, just because you didn't know him like that before. You didn't have a life with him.
But usually such men, as a rule, are not whimsical. They will be happy to wise up even a tasteless dinner prepared by their wife, they will not yell that their slippers are uneven in the corridor, they will not criticize their wife's unsuccessful hairstyle. They simply do not notice it or tactfully keep silent, because all this suits them. Can you imagine if such a lazy and domestic cat is replaced with an evil demon?
It's amazing when women look for a "convenient" husband in every sense, sculpt from him the kind of man they would like to have for themselves, and then begin to hate them passionately. "A rag, not a man, a whiner, can't do anything without me." Of course, the name of such men is henpecked. And there are a lot of pluses in such a husband:
He is a hard worker under the strict guidance of his wife - at least he will plow the harrow with his nose.
He does not argue with his wife, rather agrees with her arguments.
He is a good family man and a father to children - he does not walk, everything is in the house.
But! Irritates his henpecked to furious hatred. A woman watches brutal males on TV and thinks: “What did I do wrong with mine?” I just want to say to such a lady: “What's wrong? Throw out your husband like a kitten - he will dutifully leave, and change for brutal. There will be no such plasticine, and figs what you blind from it. And then do not complain that you are unhappy - he will hate you, even for one attempt to open his mouth to him. So it’s better to remodel your own spouse in a new way. ”
Fragment from the film "The Wolf of Wall Street"
arrow_left Fragment from the film "The Wolf of Wall Street"
It is excruciating to live with a man who, only by a stamp in his passport, is listed as a husband. No, he does not tyrannize his missus, does not swing his fist, does not shout. On the contrary, he is cold towards her. At the same time, he gives her complete freedom of action, but the flame of hatred burns in a woman. It would seem - to her husband. Indeed, how to live with this if:
In fact, a woman with such a husband feels hatred not for him, but for his coldness and inattention to her. If she didn’t immediately leave him, then in her heart she loves him madly and is afraid of losing him. And his indifference inspires even more fear of parting.
Therefore, if the former flame of love for his wife is not rekindled in him - through his jealousy, her transformation - then everything will be so. Tantrums and demands will only aggravate the situation. Such marriages are good when they are calculated: simple mutual benefit, nothing personal.
Well, it turned out like this - everyday life with her husband became boring and familiar, nothing changes, and here he is: on the way he met - the man of his dreams. And this lover seems to be an ideal: passion and celebration are with him, and dullness and boredom with her husband. And the woman suddenly began to feel that she fiercely hates her husband, because everything in him is not the same as with the new macho. Although her husband is good and is not guilty of anything before her.
A woman involuntarily thinks about recognition and divorce, hoping for a new happy marriage, where there will be a holiday every day. Even her husband's touches, his voice and his smell become unpleasant to her - because she began to have something to compare with.
And now, dear reader, if you find yourself in the same situation, imagine what will happen if you still want to radically change the whole situation and get divorced. This person who annoys you now will never, ever be around again. He knows all your habits, knows how to forgive your weaknesses, he is, in principle, a native person for you. And because of your stupidity, he will disappear from your life forever.
But with a new boyfriend - how it will turn out. This is while he is a holiday person for you, for sure you and your husband once experienced the same passion before the wedding, just the boat of love crashed into everyday life. But will your new gentleman in everyday life be the same native-relative to the point of madness?
It is almost impossible to understand women who live with tyrant husbands, hate them fiercely and at the same time continue to live on and endure all their antics. How can you live with such a Herod?
He often screams and uses force: he is accustomed to disturbing and beating his wife. And for any reason: for a poorly made bed, for breakfast served at the wrong time, for a “crooked” word spoken to him.
If he drinks, then his frenzied antics are not the result of his drinking, but of his aggressive nature. Alcohol simply exacerbates aggression, and he is simply evil in life.
Jealousy from scratch - he is jealous for no reason, and not for a specific man, but simply finds a reason for a scandal.
He is annoyed even by his own children and a house cat - God forbid this gets under the arm when he is in the heat of anger.
If a woman tolerates this, she is either a masochist or simply afraid of losing at least some man, so as not to be left alone. Moreover, such tyrannical husbands find a tricky move: when they see that the wife’s strength has dried up and she is ready for a divorce, they wallow at the wife’s feet, beg for forgiveness and swear that they won’t do it again. Yep, it's only for a week. A woman is able to forgive and regret. Moreover, he will also be justified in front of everyone.
Let's do a thought experiment.
Imagine that you have the superpower to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any relationship problems at all.
Who said it's impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.
If you're interested, you can. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for our website visitors.
Connecting her fate with another person, a woman dreams of Great love, oh long life together. She will have to go through trials with joys and hardships with this man. Raise children together. Living together implies mutual respect and affection, but not like not hatred.
Psychologists who deal with the problems of relationships between husband and wife claim that after a year family life many couples have conflicts. This is due to the cooling of relations. Former ardent love cools down over time, it is cooled by life. After all, when young people meet, they always see each other smartly dressed, in a good mood. They have fun together, they rejoice.
Then life begins: you need to plan a budget, manage a household, take responsibility not only for your own actions, but also for others.
Often a wife hates her husband because he turns out to be different from what she painted in her fantasy. The invented man disappears, dissolves in the corridors of family everyday life. His place is taken by an ordinary person with his weaknesses, virtues and shortcomings. Often a young wife is not ready to put up with the inconsistency of her chosen one with an invented image. The reverse situation also happens no less often, when a young man is disappointed in his companion.
Under the best circumstances, a woman simply ceases to feel a state of love. She does not feel an emotional upsurge, the sensations of intimacy cool down. Everything becomes mundane and uninteresting. Many girls, after several years of living with a partner, cannot state that they still love their chosen one. What remains is respect, habit, fear of changes that will definitely come if you change your life.
A woman, by inertia, continues to be a wife, because she is connected with this person by many things: joint children, common property. Status is not the last place in our social environment. Although today the decision to divorce is made more often and easier than 30-40 years ago. The concept of a "divorced woman" no longer causes pity and does not require sympathy, but not everyone is ready to become one.
Often the situation comes to a point where indifference and apathy in a relationship is replaced by hostility, which develops into hatred. Then contradictions grow in the soul, a personality conflict occurs. A woman is looking for a solution - to stay with an unloved person, because suddenly her feelings are still preserved, and everything that happens is only temporary difficulties, or to leave the family.
You should not endure the drunkenness of your husband and his aggressive behavior. You cannot live with such a person. And even in this situation, many girls do not dare to break off relations, referring to a variety of reasons.
Hatred can come after passionate love. It does not arise from scratch, the cause is resentment and unjustified hopes that were placed on family relationships. The chosen one did not justify them or turned out to be worse than she imagined. The girl says: I hate my husband because she no longer loves him.
Afraid of condemnation in society and further loneliness, a woman often remains married to an unloved husband. Well, if you have to endure only the absence of feelings. Many families live with this, a woman does not consider this a reason to break off relations. If a man fulfills his duties as a husband: he ensures the material well-being of his wife and child, does not forget about his father's duties, the girl will continue to live with him.
Divorce, as a rule, is an extreme measure, which is resorted to when patience is exhausted. And our women are known to be very patient. 31% of the female population gets divorced because of the husband's drunkenness and 13% because of his infidelity. Women under the age of 50 in 68 cases out of a hundred become the initiators of the divorce process.
There is another inexorable statistic: the majority of divorced women over the age of 30 do not remarry or get divorced again. Only 27% of the total number of single women at the age of 35 manage to find their happiness. In men, this figure is much higher. A divorced woman is much more likely to be single than a divorced man. This is due to several factors: high mortality among men over 40, alcoholism, and so on.
The presence of the above facts does not force a woman to keep a marriage where she is subjected to violence. If the thought: I hate my husband, what to do, is increasingly pursuing you need to decide on something. First of all, it is necessary to understand the causes of discord in the family, because hatred does not arise from scratch.
Marriages do not break up suddenly, the process goes through several stages. First, the spouses distribute roles in the family, fight for leadership. If the resulting alignment does not suit one of them, the game begins with alleged submission. This dissatisfaction with each other leads to mutual isolation, inability to find compromises. Everyone lives their own life and there is a high probability of a third angle in the triangle. The rival leads to an increase in tension and hatred.
A woman blames her husband for everything, his polygamous inclinations, without even thinking about the fact that he went to the side due to a lack of joys in the family, including a sexual one.
All the reasons for hatred and conflicts are hidden in the unwillingness to just sit down and discuss the problems that have accumulated in the family. The spouses do not want to hear each other and each is busy with his own experiences. Often the true reasons for what is happening are clarified after the divorce.
Sociological studies give disappointing facts - 64% of divorces occur due to the psychological unpreparedness of the spouses to live together. When a woman claims: I hate my husband, she doesn’t know how to live on - this speaks of her or his unwillingness to give in, help and support each other.
The decision depends on many factors. If the hatred is caused by the aggression of the spouse, his assault on his wife or children, the hatred will only grow. There is no point in saving a family. In other cases, you need to find out the reasons for hostility.
It didn't work out as well as I would have liked. What to do? How to proceed?
If people live together for a while, then it is not news that there is monotony in their lives. At first glance, everything is fine and wonderful, but when you look more closely, it is immediately noticeable that those feelings and that passion are gone. They seem to be left somewhere in a past life.
To prevent this from happening, periodically it is necessary to arrange some kind of “shake-up”. As a result, the relationship will be the same as before, and maybe even better.
In the same case, when neither of the spouses does anything, then the feelings slowly disappear, and indifference comes in their place. But don't confuse it with hate.
If such a situation happened in the family, then the woman perceives it much closer and more painfully. As soon as the wife notices some changes in relation to her husband, most often she continues to pretend that everything remains as before - she is desired and loved. And this may continue for some time. But the husband moves away more and more, and the wife simply closes her eyes and, deceiving herself, plays the perfect marriage.
Under no circumstances should this be done. And all due to the fact that after a certain period this game is no longer called a happy family, but its parody. And when there is complete inaction during this difficult period, the wife’s humility will not only not return her husband’s feelings back, but, on the contrary, will alienate him even more.
If you do not look at everything with “pink glasses”, but pay attention to even minor changes in attitude, and at the same time analyze, then you can not only save your family, but also strengthen it. After all, when a spouse moves away, and his other half is diligently trying not to notice it, it will not lead to anything good. At some point, it will be safe to say that the husband hates his wife.
There are several factors that give signals that a crack has begun in the relationship.
If at the beginning of their life together, the spouses did everything together, the husband always listened to the opinion of his wife, then later he begins to make decisions and eliminate problems, not only without consulting, but even without sharing it with her. This is the first sign that her opinion does not matter to him.
A woman should pay attention to whose interests for her husband come first. If it is, then she will eventually understand that she no longer has the reliability and support that she had at the beginning of the relationship.
If nitpicking and reproaches begin, after which irritation and indignation follow, then this is a sign that something needs to be changed, otherwise hatred may soon appear in your relationship.
If the husband does not respect his wife, but at the same time does not speak directly, but simply constantly criticizes her both as a woman, and as a mother, and as a hostess, this should also be paid attention to.
Of particular importance can be given to such an environment when the spouses, being together, do not have common topics for conversation. And there is nothing to say about laughing heartily at the simplest anecdote.
Do not ignore those moments when the husband does not want to just touch his wife. If this factor is ignored at the beginning, then after a while, when the spouse shows the slightest kindness, except for hostility and irritation, she will receive nothing else in return.
It also doesn't hurt to ask why is my loved one not hurrying home? It seems that everything has been done for his convenience, but it is still better for him to meet his friends after work than to come earlier.
The change in a husband's relationship with his wife is clearly noticeable when he begins to protect his personal space. At first, a woman looks at it through her fingers, always finding some kind of excuse, but rarely does anyone think about how everything could end.
Lack of sex, despite plausible excuses, in the first place, should push a woman to change something, otherwise the result can be disastrous.
You can often hear from the lips of a woman: "My husband hates me and insults me, not thinking about how insulting I am." But few people think that, perhaps, by her actions she provokes a man to such an attitude.
Even if the marriage breaks up, in many cases, men are left with not just an unpleasant aftertaste, but disgust. When the fair sex says: “The ex-husband hates me, and I don’t understand why, what did I do?”
There are many explanations for such situations. After all, every family and relationship is different.
One can consider such an option when the family initially has complete harmony and mutual understanding, but some time passes, and the wife, not feeling guilty for herself, and believing that she is right, is constantly dissatisfied with something, expresses not very pleasant things or commits unforgivable acts . The husband takes it all calmly and without scandals, trying to find a logical justification for everything. But it can't be like that for long. Inside, this negativity accumulates and accumulates, and as a result, he looks at his wife not with that loving and adoring look, but full of hatred.
And even after the divorce, the wife believes that she is the innocent "victim" who tried so hard. But as a result, only streams of hatred come from the ex-husband.
There are also situations when a spouse does everything possible and impossible for her husband to make him feel good and comfortable, but after a while he gets used to it and imagines that this is the case everywhere and everywhere. He begins to change, first secretly, and then openly, and a certain moment comes when he leaves the family.
A woman so devoted and so caring, despite the moral pain he brought her, lets go with a pure soul and wishes him only happiness, but at the same time she knows perfectly well that even if he asks to go back, there will be no way back.
A man who has lived with his new passion for a short period begins to understand what a treasure in the form of his ex-wife he has lost. But at the same time, he believes that if he knocks back on the door, she will gladly accept him back.
But when the wife refuses ex-spouse in this, he is at first surprised at this turn, and then begins to get angry at her. Since he cannot morally accept that fact.
The woman, for her part, cannot understand the aggression and hatred that the former faithful feels towards her. It seems that she let go, and did not want evil, only she refused to return ... And she puzzles over the question: "Why ex-husband hates me?"
The answer to this situation is very simple. He is not his ex-wife hates, but herself, from the realization that not everything and not always can she forgive, and human patience is not unlimited.
When a turning point comes in family life, and a woman feels her husband’s dislike and dislike for her, she immediately panics, asking the same question about what to do next and what to do at the moment.
In order to choose further tactics of behavior and not make things worse, you first need to analyze what could have caused this to happen.
The first thing that comes to mind is that the beloved has another woman. But what does this have to do with it, if it seems that the husband hates his wife. When a man is not going to leave the family, he often changes his mistresses, but his half is not so easy to notice. Even if this happened, then he had one answer - he wanted some kind of variety.
Perhaps the attitude has changed after the birth of the child, since, basically, the mother is almost completely focused on the baby. The spouse at this time experiences a feeling of indignation and resentment from the fact that so much attention is no longer paid to him. Then he begins to attract him with aggression.
Having analyzed the situation well and clearly, a woman must draw conclusions for herself and determine whether she wants to continue living with this person. Or the best option would be a divorce, after which, not immediately, but gradually, she will gain not only peace and tranquility, but also self-confidence, which she so lacked in family life.
But what about when a woman says that her husband hates me, but at the same time I love him and do not want to lose? You can try to somehow change the situation with a little strength and patience.
If, for example, the spouse works, and she doesn’t have as much time for the family as she would like, and this is the reason for the spouse’s dissatisfaction, although he himself has a good salary, it is preferable for him that his wife stay at home and pay more attention to him than a career. Then, if you want to save the marriage, one way out is to give up work.
Often married women make the same mistake - they stop taking care of themselves (they didn’t have time to wash their hair, then they didn’t have time to go for a manicure), and this, in turn, repels their husband. Since he married an always well-groomed representative of the fair sex. To prevent this from happening, this must always be remembered and done so that the spouse can not only admire, but also proudly demonstrate that this is his woman when someone else looks in her direction.
It is necessary to constantly develop spiritually and intellectually in order for a husband to always be not only beautiful picture but also an interesting conversationalist.
You need to try to make sure that the spouse spends his free time more often nearby, and at the same time he does not have a desire to go somewhere, for example, with friends for a beer.
You always need to find many reasons to praise your husband, to say a gentle, kind word to him.
Very often in family life it happens that one of the partners does not know how to correctly express his thought. Then it is very difficult for the couple to agree and explain themselves to each other. If a woman has such a shortcoming, then she needs to express her thoughts more constructively so that the husband understands what is at stake and what exactly the wife wants to say, and does not remain again in thought that once again something is left unsaid.
Often an offended spouse turns to specialists and declares: "My husband hates me." Psychology is a subtle science. And experts in this field agreed that in such cases the most important thing is to objectively analyze family relationships and see future prospects for their continuation.
What to do if my husband and I hate each other? The problem here is not that the senses have become a little dull or a habit has appeared. From the very beginning of family life, the couple did not have that emotional closeness that is hidden behind love. And when the latter goes a little by the wayside, misunderstanding immediately appears. In this case, even the most insignificant trifles lead to the fact that discontent and alienation grow between the spouses, which accumulate more and more every day. As a result, everything that united the couple disappears.
When a woman tells her friends and relatives: "My husband hates me," people give a wide variety of advice. Most believe that you should talk frankly with your loved one. But do it very carefully so that he does not refuse to discuss his feelings, and the attempt itself does not turn into another scandal. To do this, you need to express yourself judiciously and calmly. It is desirable to achieve this (possibly unpleasant) conversation. Then the result will be clear, the spouse will finally understand whether there is still any chance to save the family. Otherwise, you will have to come to terms with reality.
If a girl says: "My husband hates me." What should she do? Now the time has come when the wife needs to remember that she is a woman and also has the right to personal happiness. Senseless conversations and wasted energy, except for another disappointment and the collapse of hopes, will not bring anything good.
It is best to let go of your spouse, and not cling to him and keep him close. After all, the feeling that he needs his wife, and that she, as before, is desirable, will never return. And so, left alone, sooner or later a woman will find complete peace of mind, perhaps she will have a desire to build new relationships.
What if your husband hates you? The conspiracy will help. It is this method of solving the problem that many women trust. To conduct the ceremony, you will need your own wedding ring and a long birch torch. What to do next? The torch is inserted into the ring so that there is the same distance on both sides. Then the edges are set on fire, and a conspiracy is read on the smoke, the words of which are as follows:
"Do not burn, fire, do not fall
My wedding rings
My wedding rings.
Burn and burn and pain
Heart of a servant of God (name),
His chest is white, his lungs and liver,
So that he could not live and breathe,
Not a day, not a minute to be without me,
How he wants to drive me away
So he wants to hug me.
Burn, torch, go, smoke.
Sending sadness to my friend
Do not remove him, do not let him know.
As said, so done.
I lock it with a lock, I close it with a key.
Be, my words, for all ages
Not removed, not cursed, not crumpled,
Not broken and not sewn off.
Key, lock, tongue.
Amen. Amen. Amen".
It is necessary to extinguish the fire only when the splinter on both sides burns down to the very ring. After that, the remaining cinder must be put in the husband's pocket. You need to make sure it doesn't disappear. If this happens, then repeat the ceremony again.
In addition to the above ceremony, when a husband hates his wife, what else can you do? Create the appearance that a woman listens very carefully to her husband, while she looks him straight in the eyes, and in her mind she says:
"Like me, a servant of God (name),
I do not want and cannot live without arms and legs,
So you do not live without me (name).
From now on and forever. Amen".
When a husband says he hates, the wife may need to pray to keep from getting depressed. So that the Lord would give her strength and patience to go through all this and not do any stupid things.
Sometimes some mistresses do everything so that the husband hates his wife. They can weave intrigues, wind up a man. As a result, he really has such feelings for his legal wife.
There are women who do not believe in any magical conspiracies and rituals. What should they do? After the husband began to hate, it is best to go to church and confess. Perhaps the priest will help restore faith in life and in yourself. It will push you to the fact that life is priceless, but short and you need to enjoy it, enjoy every day, and those family troubles are a test from God that he sent, knowing that a person will cope with it.
If a woman says: “My husband hates me, it’s getting harder and harder to live with him every day,” then perhaps the best way out of the situation is to let him go. Indeed, in the end, two people will not suffer themselves, and no one will be forced to suffer next to them.
If a woman complains about life and says: “My husband hates me, family relationships are going nowhere, what should I do next? ...” We must not forget that there is no specific answer to this question. And the decision to save the family or, on the contrary, is not even worth trying, the spouses themselves should make.
No wonder there is such a proverb “From love to hate is one step” and vice versa. The likelihood that, by trying to save the marriage, the spouse will be able to interest her lover, as at the beginning of the relationship, and maybe more, is very high. Then married life will continue like a permanent honeymoon.
Now you know what to do to a woman who feels the alienation of her husband. There are many options for solving such a problem. You need to choose the most optimal for yourself. Remember that a woman should always be loved!
Many people stop working on relationships after that, because they believe that they have found each other and nothing will change the situation. In fact, this is a serious mistake, because every day families are faced with various trials, which lead to the fact that many women sooner or later think about what to do if you hate your husband. At one point, there is literally a realization that there is a completely stranger nearby, with whom there is nothing in common. This condition may be temporary or it may persist for a long time.
This situation is easy to fix, since the problem is purely emotional. In such a situation, a sincere conversation with a spouse is necessary in order to solve all existing problems and establish contact. Refresh your relationship by bringing back romance and love.
Many women are faced with a situation where any act of a spouse causes irritation and all his virtues turn into shortcomings. Often this state of affairs occurs when a child is born or other major changes occur. This is a very serious situation and a romantic dinner will not fix anything. Here you need the help of a specialist, so go to an appointment with a psychologist. Only a deep analysis of the situation will allow you to find the roots of the problem and understand how to stop hating your husband. If all else fails, then it is better to decide on a divorce, because the longer the problem drags on, the more difficult it will be to part in a good relationship, which is especially important if there are children.
