© Natalia Gredina
12 Jan 2018, 08:00Marina does not know how her phone number ended up in prison, but one day two people started calling her from there at once. At first they said: “Girl, you have a pleasant voice.” Then: "Send a photo."
“I was young, but already very angry with the peasants, and it was interesting for me to lead them by the nose: I told one that I loved him, and the second. They were friends and both owed me money,” the girl recalls. They promised to give, but did not give. Naturally, everything they said to me - “beloved”, “dear”, “I want a family and children” - cost 300 rubles in one case, and 1000 in another. They called, asked for more money, but I thought that my the entertainment has already been paid for.”
The phone calls with the guys continued until their third cellmate named Ivan told her that “beloved ones” were calling from a cell phone, constantly occupying it, and asked them to calm them down. Marina replied that if it bothers him, let him put things in order. Since then, those two have gradually quieted down, but Ivan began to call - "just talk about life."
When Marina went to the hospital and her ovary was cut out, her boyfriend broke up with her "from the will" with the words "what should I do with you now, since you don't have an ovary." Ivan called every day and reassured, and in the end gave a ring so that she would not be upset. “A relative of someone who was sitting with him came, we went to a jewelry store, I chose a ring, and Vanya paid for it. The ring was not the only gift. He gave me a chain, a gold bracelet, and before the New Year, when he did not yet know that he would be convicted, he presented me with a fur coat. He had money. In parallel with the calls, he began to write letters to me, says Marina. “After the ring, I started going to his courts.”
The relationship between Marina and Vanya began when he was in SIZO No. 1 in Novosibirsk. Marina says that the first time he sat down, because he and the boys opened the garage: “He was seventeen then, the rest were adults, they told him:“ You are a youngster, take over. While the court and the case, he turned eighteen, and he sat down for eight years. It was a good big garage. At 26 he was released, at 28 he sat back.
The second time Ivan was imprisoned for serious bodily harm: he beat a man for stealing a telephone from a neighbor in a communal apartment. “Vanya decided to stand up for the girl. He waved his fists, returned the phone, but the man he had beaten ended up in the hospital. If Vanya had not been previously convicted, no one would have started a case, - Marina is sure. “But if you were sitting, then you always ‘hit’.”
At large, Ivan was engaged in cargo transportation and was married to another woman, but she did not want to wait for the end of the term - he was sentenced to seven years. Considering the year spent in the pre-trial detention center, he was released six years after meeting Marina. And they signed two years after his first call.
“At first we just talked, and then we decided to get married to see each other,” she explains. He is real, I am real. We became a family, we just didn’t live together.”
According to Marina, Vanya never pulled money out of her, as some prisoners pull from their “zao”. He played cards and was financially independent, sent flowers by March 8, and she did not have to "take out three loans" to support him in the colony.
Help was required, rather, organizational, including a close community of women like her, waiting for women: for example, to tell relatives what is possible and what is not in the programs. “Once in a colony they simply stopped taking medicine from relatives, and a man with asthma died because they didn’t take an inhaler. The administration said that they buy everything themselves, but the person did not wait for their purchase, ”recalls Marina. “But we still managed to convey something. I bought dried fruits, aspirin, paracetamol and analgin in inhuman quantities. She took a mortar, crushed tablets and filled aspirin powder into dried apricots, paracetamol into prunes, analgin into raisins, soaked it all and so brought it to the zone. Then the shop was closed, because drug addicts also took advantage of our methodology and began to put drugs in dried apricots.”
Spouses were supposed to have three long (two or three days) and three short-term dates a year - they did not miss anything.
“We did not quarrel: neither when he was sitting, nor when he left. Before Vanya, I was deeply disappointed in men. Everyone who was before him was interested in other aspects of life: do I cook deliciously, is it possible to borrow money from me, is it possible to go in for *** ( have sex - approx. Taygi.info)? What I think is that nobody cared, - Marina laments. “And he heard me, understood me, loved me, I had someone to talk to, so I didn’t care what would happen next.”
But she had almost no friends except her closest ones - few people understood Marina's love for the prisoner. Sometimes new “prison” girls appeared in the social circle with whom it was possible to discuss upcoming dates and a vague future, but many of them were disappointed in long-distance relationships after a month, after a year. “They said:“ I found a normal man to whom you can cuddle up at night and cook borscht for him, ”explains Marina.
Marina's relatives were also not happy about her marriage to a prisoner. When her parents were asked if Marina was married, they answered that she was not, although she had already been married to Ivan.
“If you are waiting for someone from prison, you are second class, something is wrong with you,” she says. “Yes, and men themselves often think so. When the girls argue with them, prove that they are worthy of this or that, the zeks answer them: “If I were worthy, I would find a normal man.”
The circumstances of their lives, indeed, could not be called normal. Marina took a sip of humiliation from the system of execution of punishment, even without being convicted. During searches before dates, she was stripped naked and asked to squat down. Once she came to Vanya's colony in Toguchin during her period - the employees of the Federal Penitentiary Service tore apart the used gasket. “It was terribly embarrassing,” Marina shudders. - After me there was a girl with baby, so they took off his diaper and put a finger in his ass.”
But it was possible to cope with all this, as long as it was possible to talk and correspond with Ivan, who “everything was interesting” about Marina.
“I before him and I after him are two different people. When we started dating, I was insecure. He was the first to say, “You're a girl. Why don’t you have earrings and rings?“ When they cut out my ovary and said that I would not become a mother, I had a terrible depression, I felt like an empty flower. He was the only one who said: “Don’t listen to anyone, you will have everything, and if you don’t, then what?” she explains. - Every day he said that he needed me, that he would not leave me. And all this care, sweets and bouquets were until the very end. Even when he was in the tuberculosis dispensary, we ran to the shore for a walk.
Toward the end of the term, Ivan felt unwell: cough, fever, weakness. Once he called Marina and told her to take an HIV test. She received a negative result, he received a positive one, and he offered to leave. “I answered:“ No, let’s talk about it in freedom, ”recalls Marina. - He turned out to have a set of sores: HIV, tube, hepatitis. Well, there were drugs sometime in his life."
When Ivan left, they had nowhere to live together. Neither Marina's parents, nor Vanya's former neighbors in a communal apartment would agree to shelter a young family. The latter mainly because Vanya was ill with tuberculosis. Therefore, Marina rented an apartment.
“He didn’t understand shit after his release. With a height of 1.87 m, he weighed 51 kg, the temperature was 38.7, he was suffocating, there was no strength. I was so naive that I thought if we called an ambulance, they would take him to the hospital right away. I called, the dispatcher was already writing down the address, and then asked: “Is he coughing?” - “Yes.” - "We will not go" - "Why?" - "Well, does he have tuberculosis? With tuberculosis only in the direction of the hospital.
How many people die of tuberculosis in Siberia
Marina and Ivan went to the hospital on their own, where they were told that the former prisoner did not have any documents from the colony confirming the illness: “Give urine, blood, sputum, we need to wait for tests, but we don’t do a fluorogram today ... Somewhere then in a month there will be a place.
Seeing from the state of Ivan, who could hardly walk, that they might not have a month left, Marina rushed to the colony for extracts from the medical card, then began a siege of the Ministry of Health in order to secure a place for her husband in the tuberculosis dispensary. After two weeks of complaints to the ministry and Roszdravnadzor, Vanya was admitted to the hospital.
“I was not afraid of getting infected, I didn’t feel separate from him at all and thought that we are now together for the rest of my life, and what do I have to lose then? Marina recalls. - I took prophylactic anti-tuberculosis therapy, of course. Then, after nine months, she did a fluorography, and there was a blackout in the lungs - she still picked up tuberculosis.
A little more than six months have passed since the release. Due to HIV, Ivan lost his immunity, and, despite the medication, tuberculosis quickly “ate up” him. He no longer got up from his hospital bed, therefore, in order to treat Marina with strawberries, he negotiated with his roommates.
“He came out in November and died in June. I was there at that moment. He was choking, throwing up blood, I was also covered in blood, I was looking for doctors who had a planning meeting, the nurse drove me back to the ward, - Marina cries. “Then they grabbed me by the shoulders and took me out. I asked: “Help him, he is in pain.” And they answered: “That’s all.” I said: “His lips are moving!” They answered that it was convulsions.”
Three years have passed since Vanya's death. At first, Marina tried not to be alone, she spent a lot of time with friends. Then she began to go to a psychiatrist, because she really wanted Vanya. She tried dating another man, but often told him that she missed her husband very much and how much he looked like her husband. “I ended up getting pregnant from him. True, he insisted on an abortion, but I refused, because I had previously been diagnosed with infertility, and my pregnancy is generally a miracle, ”says Marina.
With the birth of her daughter, Marina was a little relieved by the feeling that she is the light, and Vanya’s death is like covering the flashlight with a hand and preventing it from shining. Now life has generally improved: my daughter is growing up healthy, Marina has become a volunteer in an orphanage, is engaged in tutoring, and is trying to build new relationships. But Vanya, apparently, is with her forever.
"Why is that? Why was I waiting for him? I have an answer, but I'm not sure if it can be understood correctly. I was completely, to the brim, filled with the feeling that I was loved. The way I am. This feeling made me absolutely happy,” she admits. - And also strong. It turned out that I can do a lot, because they believe in me. I felt like I was the sun in his world. It's a big responsibility to be somebody's sun, but it makes you grow."
PS: About 600 thousand people are kept, according to the latest data from the Federal Penitentiary Service, in Russian colonies, colony-settlements and pre-trial detention centers.
Text: Margarita Loginova
Video: Kirill Kanin
Letters from the personal archive of the heroine
Religious reading: a prayer for a husband to return home from prison to help our readers.
From the prison ordered not to renounce. You love your husband, faithfully waiting for a release. To quickly release him, read prayers to Nicholas the Wonderworker.
Everyone can hang the stigma of a jailer, and condemn a stumbled one too.
My dears, I do not justify the murderers, but those husbands who are imprisoned due to negligence have the right to your heartfelt prayer.
Nicholas the Wonderworker will help in liberation, but, as you know, everything is the will of God.
Light 1 candle. Place the icon of St. Nicholas next to it.
Yearning for your husband, in your own words, ask Jesus Christ for his early release.
Read the prayer “Our Father” several times. Don't forget to cross yourself.
Start slowly whispering special prayers addressed to Nikolai Ugodnik.
Wonderworker Nicholas, Defender and Savior. Let go of the sins of the husband, sitting in prison, sick from imprisonment. If it is destined to be released ahead of schedule, let it be firmly attached to faith. May your will be done. Amen.
Nicholas the Wonderworker, God's Pleasure. I beg you, help your husband, save him from the evil time. May the prison correct him faithfully, and forever reject this filth. Being free again, the Lord's love will protect him. Let it be so. Amen.
Wonderworker Nicholas, Savior and Defender. I suffer for the sinfulness of my husband, I am waiting for him from prison. Help his grieving soul, fall according to real faith. You bring liberation closer with a prayer, I will pray next to you. Amen.
Your husband will be released from prison - in the time set by the Lord God.
Strength to you, faith and patience!
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Almost every woman, getting married, hopes that she will be with her beloved until the end of her days. And many ladies live in sincere confidence that their faithful will never leave home, even if he constantly grumbles and has long been dissatisfied with his life. Such naivety leads to the fact that sooner or later the presumptuous woman finds herself alone after her husband leaves the house, slamming the front door loudly. And here comes the time to think about what to do to return her husband to the family. At such moments, ladies are ready to use any means and options offered on the Internet. But do not rush and make rash decisions. Today we will tell you how to bring your husband home in one day. We will also discuss the reasons why men leave their once beloved wives and children.
Perhaps there would be fewer unhappy wives if they knew the reasons why husbands leave. After all, sometimes the reason is the most ordinary things that women did not even notice in the bustle and whirlwind. Or they didn’t want to notice, hoping that their missus would not go anywhere under any circumstances.
Of course, most wives tend to blame a young and beautiful rival for her husband's departure. However, according to psychologists, this is not the most common reason forcing men to completely change their lives. Let's try to clarify this situation a bit.
Experts identify a whole group of reasons that in the future force women to look for ways to return their husband home in one day:
If you recognize yourself in all of the above, then it is likely that soon it will be you who will begin to look for ways to return ex-husband to the family.
In addition to the reasons already mentioned that lead to the breakup of spouses, there are various scenarios for leaving home itself. We have identified the most common and typical:
For each of these options, there are a number of ways to bring your ex-husband home. Ask which ones? We will be happy to reveal this secret to you.
Interestingly, psychologists say that a departed husband does not need to be returned at all. According to statistics, after a year men come to the conclusion that they have made a terrible mistake and they themselves are trying to reconcile with their spouse. However, if you cannot wait that long, then we will tell you how to return your husband home. In one day, of course, it will not always be possible to do this, but in any case, at least one of the methods will certainly lead to the desired result. We can say that there are no more than three of these methods:
Usually, in the most critical situation, women are ready to use all possible options to achieve their goal. Magicians, sorcerers and sorceresses assure that, thanks to the appeal to higher powers, ladies will not have to look for another way to bring their husband home in one day. They have a conspiracy and ritual for almost any scenario of a man leaving home.
But experts prepare offended and upset women for serious work on themselves, which should lead to results by realizing and correcting the mistakes made. Therefore, first of all, we will look at the problem through the eyes of a psychologist. How to get your husband back, using the advice of experts, we will tell you in the next section of the article.
Even the most beautiful and economic woman can leave her husband. As we found out earlier, there are a lot of reasons for this, so a similar situation can happen to any of the fair sex. How to get your husband back and how to behave can be read on any women's forum. However, the advice there is surprisingly banal and often does not help solve the problem. But psychologists can give really practical recommendations, with the help of which a woman abandoned by her husband will be able to return him to the family again. First of all, experts advise you to behave correctly after a loved one announces his departure from home. This will be your first step towards a happy life. So, what you definitely should not do if you want to maintain the respect of your husband and continue your relationship with him in the future:
Only after the front door closes behind your spouse, you can give free rein to your feelings. But do not forget about the children, they should be sent to their grandmother or other close relatives for a while and not made participants in family quarrels. They should not see a tearful and upset mother. And it is absolutely unforgivable to draw them into the struggle for the return of the spouse home. Try to approach your trouble as a task that is quite possible to solve in the shortest possible time, and boldly proceed to consistent actions.
Unfortunately, there is no universal advice on how to get your husband back after a breakup. After all, each situation is purely individual, but general recommendations may be useful to you. Use them selectively or all at once:
Of course, these tips will not be able to return your missus in one day, they are generally designed for several months. In the following sections of the article, we will talk about various scenarios for a man leaving his family and ways to return him.
Situations when a spouse leaves his wife, with whom he lived for several years, and begins to build a new family with his mistress, are described in magazines, literary works and shown in films. Despite this, the problem is quite acute and many women face it. How to get a husband back from another? What to do to make him lose interest in the opponent?
Psychologists say that men begin to look for love on the side only when their other half has completely ceased to suit them. This may be due to external data, life or sexual dissatisfaction. In any case, an abandoned woman should very carefully analyze life together with your spouse and correct your mistakes. If you have abandoned yourself, then now is the time to go to the gym, beauty salon and go on a diet. You will be surprised, but after the ex-husband sees you renewed, his interest can be the beginning of your new and happy relationship. The same applies to other aspects of life. Become completely different than in a past life. This will be the key to returning your spouse to you.
However, if you do not want to wait so long, then try turning to magic. It can make a huge difference in your life in one day. Women speak very well of an ancient love spell that can destroy a husband’s connection with his mistress and return him to the family. To do this, you will need a photo of your missus and his new passion. Now you can start the ceremony. Burn a box of matches, and apply their ashes to the image of your spouse. Place a photo of your opponent on top of it and start wrapping them with black thread. Both photos should turn into some kind of cocoon. After that, say the following words using the names of your missus and his mistress: “I want one (name) to turn away from the other (name). Between you there is only grave ice, cold and ashes. Not a single spark will kindle a fire between you anymore. Now the cocoon must be burned and the ashes scattered. This conspiracy will cause regular quarrels among lovers, which will lead to the return of the husband to a previous relationship.
How to get your husband back after cheating? Often women address their misfortune with prayers to the Most Holy Theotokos. She is an intercessor for families, so she often helps to return a walking spouse to the family. One of the most effective is the following prayer: “Have mercy on us, Mother of God, protect and close us from the sins committed. Give love, harmony and longevity to my house. Let the servant of God (the name of the spouse) cling to the servant of God (the name of the wife) and nothing earthly will separate them forever and ever. Amen". Such a prayer can be read several times a day.
It happens that the spouses quarrel very seriously and in the midst of the conflict, the man slams the door and leaves in an unknown direction. As a rule, he may be absent for a day, a week, or even several months. In this situation, you should not be too proud and let everything take its course, so you can lose your loved one forever. Psychologists say that during a quarrel, most men go to live with friends, go to the country or rent an apartment for themselves, if funds allow. Husbands usually spend time drinking alcohol after a serious scandal, which can lead to a real binge. Therefore, a woman should definitely find out the address of her loved one and try to talk to him. In this conversation, you should not look for right and wrong, just tell us that you are bored, you regret the quarrel and you want to restore relations with all your might. Sometimes, for this purpose, a close friend or relative is sent to the spouse. He can quite cope with the role of a peacemaker.
White magic can bring her husband back home in just one or two days. The ritual with the use of dolls is considered very strong. You will need wax, a small piece of fabric and a skein of red thread. Make two wax dolls and write your names on them. Then the figures must be tightly wrapped with thread, tightly wrapped in a rag and wrapped again with thread. After that, the dolls must be removed so that no one can find them.
If you trust only the divine higher powers, then pray to the Mother of God. First of all, go to the church, and put a candle in front of her icon, mentally voicing your request. Be sure to purchase a similar icon for your home and place a photo next to it where you and your husband are together and happy. Read any canon to the Theotokos six times a day, looking at a happy photo.
Sometimes men say that love has passed, and calmly cross the threshold of a once-native home. It is believed that this is one of the most difficult cases. But he is far from hopeless. If the husband directly said that love had passed, you should not scream and make scenes for him. Think about what previously attracted your spouse to you, and take a critical look at yourself in the mirror. Have you recovered? Stop taking care of yourself? Haven't updated your wardrobe for a long time? Believe me, now is the time to start serious work on yourself. And so that the result is not long in coming, you can turn to magic and conspiracies as an addition.
Our great-grandmothers also used a plot on clothes. If you still have the things of your ex-husband, then you can perform the ceremony on a shirt or jacket. For a conspiracy, you will need new threads, but you can only buy them on Thursday. An indispensable condition is the growing moon. Carefully count the money before paying for the purchase - you must give the amount without change. Keep in mind that you should not talk to anyone on the way home. Having crossed the threshold of the apartment, immediately sit down by the window and take a thread and a needle in your hand.
Before you start sewing, look at the moon and think about what you want. Then carefully sew the seam, the stitches should not be noticeable. While working, say the following words: “I make a path with stitches, I lead with a thread of my beloved. This stitch returns love to the house, and my dear hurries. From now on, not a minute, not a day, he can’t live without me, he can’t drink sweet honey. I tie a knot, I fix the words said. Amen." After that, return the stitched item to your husband under any pretext. Soon he will return home.
Oddly enough, but many women want to return their ex-husband after a divorce. Is it possible?
Psychologists unanimously declare that if you have feelings, this is quite real. And, as you know, the spouses still have an attraction to each other and a complex range of emotions for a long time. Try to get to know your former spouse again, start making friends, appearing together in public and, perhaps, over time, your relationship can be given a second chance.
Some women are helped to return their husband by the prayer of the Matrona. A blind old woman often contributes to the fact that miracles happen on earth. Therefore, you should definitely contact her with your trouble. To do this, come to the church and pray near her icon. If you wish, you can read the troparion, but a pure, sincere prayer in simple words will also be sure to be heard by higher powers.
Conspiracies also help to return an ex-husband after a divorce. Their goal is to awaken longing for the family and the old life. You can use an effective conspiracy for the new moon. At this time, it is necessary to say seven times, looking at the night star, the following words: “The moon and stars walk in the sky, just as surely my husband dries for me. The circle of heaven cannot be changed, the spouse hurries home against all odds. After that, head to bed and imagine your loved one next to you. The text must be read within nine days.
If you constantly quarrel and almost no longer speak normally, then it will be very difficult to return your husband to the family. Conspiracies and rituals will not help here, but a psychologist's consultation will be very helpful.
Experts advise to save such a marriage only if the usual scenario of communication is completely changed. You will have to learn to listen to your other half, reckon with his opinion and skillfully find compromises. If you are not ready to do this, then you should not even begin to return your husband.
We hope that our article was useful to you and now you know that the departure of a man from a family is not always his final and irrevocable decision. A wise woman has every chance to completely change the situation.
James Reinerson of Colorado was sentenced to a relatively short prison term. Fate gave him a chance to escape without resorting to either undermining or bribery, and he took advantage of this chance. But he did not know that the main obstacle on the path to freedom was not the bars and guards, but his own wife.
James Reinerson is 38 years old, and you can’t call him a good person. In May, the court again sentenced him to prison for threats, antisocial behavior and breaking and entering, writes Daily Mail.
Reinerson had served a couple of months off his sentence when a neighbor, 35-year-old Marvin March, was placed next to him. The fact is that scheduled repairs began in March's own cell, and for several days he had to share the room with Reinerson.
The prison authorities did not provide photos of the neighbor to journalists, but it is known that the prisoners looked alike: in addition to the same robes, both had a beard. Whether Reinerson planned what he then did ahead of time or just improvised when the chance came, we don't know. He may have switched the wristband with the prisoner's number.
When March was transferred back to his cell, it took some time for the prison records to be recorded. He was supposed to be released just in those days. The guard followed March to the wrong cell. "Marvin March?" "That's right," Reinerson replied. "To the exit".
So far, the officer who processed the release of the prisoner does not have an answer to the question of how he released the other person. Maybe he just didn't look at the bracelet number. Or maybe the bracelet was changed. Anyway, Reinerson left the building.
The mistake was discovered only when March, a couple of hours later, asked the guards when he would be released: after all, the deadline had come in the morning. At this time, Reinerson was already at home.
His wife found him in someone else's leather jacket in the underground garage when she went down to the car. Reinerson explained what happened - and, as it turned out, in vain. His wife immediately put him in the car and drove back. She decided that since Reinerson had only been out of jail for two hours, he would not be punished.
Alas, she was wrong. Now he faces additional charges: escape from places of detention, forgery of documents and deception of prison officials. In total, several years will be added to the term, and now he will not be released soon.
However, perhaps, and so Reinerson won. After all, escaping from prison is only half the battle. How to learn to live in the wild with the constant threat of being caught? John Anglin, a participant in the only successful escape from Alcatraz, could tell about this. For many years, he and two of his comrades, who got off the island in 1962, were considered dead - no one believed that they could swim across the stormy strait between Alcatraz and the mainland. But !
And one naive prisoner from Texas not so long ago also easily left his prison, but not for long. . However, he had the most compelling reason for such a demarche: he was sent for booze.
I never planned to get acquainted with the prisoner and have any relationship with him.. But I have a friend whose husband ended up in the zone, was sentenced to seven years, and she went on dates with him. And then one day he mentioned that there are very good guys who would like to meet a good woman to start a family. Like, tell Katya, suddenly she wants to receive a letter from a person from the zone.
I was lonely at that time, the years passed, marriage was not expected. It became kind of curious, and then: a letter - it doesn’t mean anything yet. I agreed, and soon I received several messages at once. I did not answer everyone, I chose a certain Pavel. It was well-written, sensible, moderately romantic. By the way, convicts are the biggest romantics in the world, as well as "storytellers": they will write such things! And they promise - in general, not even from three boxes, but ten.
Pavel said that he was in prison because he took on someone else's guilt, for a friend because he had a large family. Were in the company, drank, there was a fight, and a murder was committed. I didn't even take part in the fight. I only found out later that the three most common versions of crimes among prisoners are “took on someone else’s fault”, “sat down stupidly”, “stand up for his (or someone else’s) girlfriend”.
A correspondence ensued. I heard that some areas have Internet, but he was not there - we exchanged ordinary letters in envelopes. Pavel characterized himself very positively: hard-working (he had a construction education), drinks only on holidays (also, by the way, a hackneyed wording), loves children, and so on. Hot-tempered, but quick-tempered (another stamp), but then I did not pay attention to it. I received a photo of Pavel. He looked good, handsome, I didn’t see anything “zekovo” in his appearance: a man as a man. In response, I sent Pavel mine and received as many compliments as I have never received in my life!
As a digression, I will say that our women hear very few good words.: from men, from husbands, from people in general. And here - like God's dew dripping on parched earth. I was pleased, and I began to feel that I was falling in love with Pavel just for these words. Soon he invited me on a short date, and then again a retreat, however, somewhat confusing: she did not figure it out right away.
If the convict is serving a sentence in a strict regime correctional colony and is in normal conditions, then he is allowed to have three short-term and three long-term visits during the year; under facilitated conditions - four short-term and four long-term visits; under strict conditions - two short-term and one long-term appointment. If the convict is in a special regime correctional colony, under normal conditions, then he is allowed to have two short and two long visits during the year; in facilitated conditions - three short-term and three long-term visits; under strict conditions - only two short-term dates. A convict who is serving a sentence in a colony-settlement may have visits without limiting their number.
I had no right to a long-term meeting (three days): not a wife. Therefore, we communicated through glass and spoke through a tube in the presence of a correctional officer (I think many have seen this in films). That was the first time we met in person, and of course I was very worried. The day before, she put herself in order as best she could, and again received a lot of compliments. We talked about everything, somehow gradually got to know each other. Pavel knew what words to say so that I would just be thrilled. He spoke little about the conditions of confinement, more joking about how, in the colony, they get free food three times a day, and you can lie on the bunk beds to your heart's content, and play games, and tell jokes.
In subsequent letters, declarations of love have already gone, appeals "my beauty", "the only one" and the like. I began to send parcels to Pavel with allowed products and things - I always collected them with love. Once he wrote that his sneakers were torn and his tracksuit was worn out. Like, my mother has a small pension, there are no earnings in the zone, and it’s inconvenient to ask friends. I chose the most expensive sneakers I could buy, and a tracksuit too.
I went on three more short dates, and then Pavel asked me to marry him.. Then we could finally meet in the colony no longer on opposite sides of the glass and stay together for three days! I won’t say that I threw myself into the pool with my head - I thought and pondered for quite a long time. A wife is already serious, and I had to wait another seven years for him. Consulted with others at a minimum. At work, no one knew anything at all; I told about Pavel only to close friends and parents. My dad and mom were sharply against this marriage, girlfriends treated differently. Someone said that if this is love, then why not, others said that one should be more careful with those who are in prison, and it is better to look for a person in the wild.
I nevertheless married Pavel, although I understood that to combine my time in prison with a family life is quite difficult and behind bars - a completely different world, little connected with our realities. Pavel and I signed in the zone. I brought an employee of the registry office with me, I paid for everything myself: this is how it usually happens. We received congratulations from the head of the colony, but in general everything went very simply and modestly. But it didn't seem to matter.
Then I arrived for a long-term date, to which I now had the right. Not a very pleasant moment when they searched me, but I was psychologically prepared for this, because I understood where I ended up. All products brought with them were also carefully checked; By the way, this did not apply to what I later bought in the prison stall. I brought food both ready-made and raw: it turned out that there is a stove in the common kitchen and you can cook. The shower and toilet are also shared, but the rooms are separate, there is a bed, a locker, a table and chairs. I will not describe the details of the date - it is too personal. I can only say that the first wedding night was a success, and in general, Pavel did not disappoint me in communication.
In the communal kitchen I met other women who came to visit their imprisoned husbands. By the way, such culinary masterpieces that I saw there, I have not seen anywhere else. What dishes were not prepared, what recipes were not shared! Only it seemed strange to me that many women brought children with them, even babies. For what? In my opinion, neither the children at that time needed dads who were in prison, nor the fathers in this situation needed children. Although, perhaps I'm wrong, because at that time I had no children.
It's no secret what the main purpose of dating is for many incarcerated men: it's sex. Of course, it is necessary to discuss some family, domestic problems, and it is better, of course, live, but at worst this can be done in letters or on a short date. There were whole legends about intimate relationships with prisoners among the women present in the kitchen. They say that hungry men are something plus the prisoners insert some kind of “balls” into their causal places. These conversations were very uncomfortable for me.
One lady said so in general that she specially signed her name several times, and then divorced precisely with prisoners, because, according to her, "freemen" are not men. I understand that she traveled all the zones. She openly laughed at those like me who signed in the colony “for love,” and said: “Girls, they need you to send parcels, but in the wild they will immediately find others for themselves!” There were also many ordinary modest women, whose husbands were also not some kind of recidivists: after all, as they say, do not renounce prison and the bag.
And so the time flew by. I was waiting for my husband. I didn’t want to give birth to children before Pavel’s release, and he didn’t start talking about it either, so during long-term meetings I carefully protected myself. But my friend, through whom I met my husband, almost every time came from a pregnant colony, and then begged the gynecologists to send her for a free abortion, because her husband was sitting there, there was no money. And so, of course, I wanted to have a full-fledged family with children.
I met my mother-in-law and talked, although infrequently. She accepted me as a daughter-in-law and, of course, did not say anything bad about her son. We didn't really get close, although I didn't mind it at all. But the mother-in-law turned out to be one of those people who, under any circumstances, tend to live more for themselves than for others. Two years before Pavel's release, Anastasia Vasilievna died, and it was I who took over the funeral, as well as the improvement of the grave.
When Pavel was released, of course, there was a holiday. Had a great time; however, he was in no hurry to get a job. We lived in my apartment (the apartment of Pavel's late mother, however, was rented out), well, but for the rest - at my expense. At first, I treated this condescendingly: after all, a person spent so many years in a colony, let him rest and enjoy his freedom. Then he began to drink in the company of friends, then to behave rudely; humiliated me - sort of like a trifle, but it hurt. Still didn't work. I will not describe everything that happened: every woman who has had similar things in her family knows this.
I could not understand how and why before so gentle and romantic the man gradually turns into someone completely different. At first I forgave everything, thinking that Pavel’s mother had died, and to spend so many years in captivity is a big psychological trauma. However, I was already wary of having children from him. I tried to find out what was the matter, and one day Pavel told me: “I dreamed of you, lying on the bunk, like a beautiful princess. And here, when you are around, you become ordinary, and I can have a hundred like you. By the way, after that it turned out that he was also cheating on me: once I checked his phone and found correspondence. When I told him about it, he hit me.
In the end, we broke up. Seven years of life lost and I'm alone again. I honestly waited for Pavel - his release was for me like a star in a black sky. But this "star" turned into a black hole. I am without a family again, no children. I will never tell anyone: "Do not mess with prisoners under any circumstances." Everyone has the right to happiness, and many of these couples actually do well. It’s just that you don’t recognize a man and you can’t check it at a distance - everything is known only in actions, in deeds, in those relationships when a person is nearby, although even then at first you can’t learn much. By the way, I never found out whether it was Pavel who killed that person or whether he simply shielded himself in front of me. However, this, like many other things, is on his conscience.
This is the letter we received from the editor:
"Assalamu alaikum. I really need your help sister. It hurt me so much, I don't know how to get over it. I waited for my husband for 7 years from prison, married him 4 years ago, when he was in prison, supported him as best I could, went to see him there. He said he would never betray. He was released, and we immediately went to the Caucasus to his parents, lived there, and he went to another city - to arrange life for us, to rent an apartment. then he calls in the middle of the night and says that he got married in a Muslim way. I don’t know how to survive it all, I don’t know.”
My answer:
Wa alaikum assalam, sister. I understand your emotion of bewilderment. You are most likely in a state of hopelessness, loss of strength, exhaustion and despondency. You may have developed a feeling that reflects the denial of all that has happened to you. Following this, new emotions are born that form your assessment of what happened and the person to whom you trusted your feelings made joint plans. You are disappointed and surprised. And your condition does not allow you to adequately assess the situation and get out of it with less losses for you.
You know, I imagined the image of a "hedgehog in the fog" - there was such a cartoon. It is gloomy, when I looked at it, I wanted to dispel the fog in which the hedgehog was, and place it on a green lawn, where the morning dew on a blade of grass is reflected by the brilliance of the rays of the sunrise, in apple orchard.. where ripe, juicy fruits lie under the trees, attracting the attention of that little hedgehog with thin legs, holding a bundle of personal belongings wrapped in a dust-stained handkerchief over his shoulder on a stick.
So your state is similar to the mood of a hedgehog. And I'm sad. It is sad that your expectations were not met, your hope subsided and tears appeared. Tears are not always bad. They are useful in that they tell us that we are alive. They help us feel ourselves, understand our capabilities and ways to achieve what we want. When emotions leave us, they are replaced by new ones. When something leaves us, something else comes in its place. This is normal and the way it should be.
And in order for you to survive what happened, the first thing you need to do is to live your emotions, understand your feelings and state. When you understand yourself, you thus give yourself support that no one can take away from you. Support that you can give to yourself anywhere and anytime. Support that only you yourself are capable of, for no one can know what is in your soul and the path of your heart.
Don't be afraid to feel sorry for yourself. Your strength is that you have the ability to feel sorry for yourself. Cry, hug yourself and run your arms from your elbows to your shoulders and back .., sway, sitting in place, as if your mother is rocking you in the cradle. Feel your feet and what they are on: cold floors or warm? Try to imagine what position you are in right now: are you slouching or not? Straighten your back. Watch your breath. If you do not want to straighten up, then just watch your breath. Take a deep slow breath in and out. Repeat inhalation and exhalation. Imagine that with each exit, everything bad leaves you, and strength comes to replace you, you become cheerful, you are warm and good, and your heart is filled with joy. You are alive, everything is fine with you and your loved ones. You are safe. There is no reason for grief and constancy in being in a bad mood. Smile to yourself! You are alive. You feel and feel what is happening to you. You can control your behavior. You can speak or be silent, sit or stand. You are subject to the decision-making situation - any and on any day. You are free to use your body and time. You can think, or you can rest. What do you want now?
The first thing you should do when you feel your pain so clearly that you can put it into words is to accept the situation as it is. Whole. Accept what happened to you. Say: "Praise be to Allah, the Wise and the Loving!" Exhale. Allah has shown you what is real and what are your illusions, what you can rely on in life and what should not be taken into account. Let yourself be sad only as much as you think about how to improve your situation.
Try to take something positive from what happened. Make a layout: “what happened to me and why” and put a plus sign under each fad, realizing what positive changes the incident gave you.
Try to get into the position of your husband and think about why he did this to you. Are there mitigating factors? such as a recent stay in prison, moving to another city ... Don't blame yourself and don't "set all the dogs on him."
If you have the desire and strength, listen to him. What will he tell you? Ask him why he did it. Try not only to hear it, but also to understand it. And for this you need to enter into his position. Did he deceive you? How often did you see each other after he was released from prison? Ask about his feelings for you and how he sees your future life. Of course, it is better to talk to him at a meeting, and not on the phone. At the same time, do not forget to be aware of what is happening to you: what you feel, what you want, how you see your future life, what you are ready to do, what he should do, and what you should do.
In this whole situation, do not allow two phenomena: do not belittle your merits and do not exaggerate his shortcomings. You must understand that what you experienced seven years ago is a sign of your perseverance and reliability, devotion and dedication. What you are experiencing now is a sign that you are a living and feeling woman. Try to find reasons in his act.
I advise you to think about your future after a serious conversation with your husband, who will resolve all your questions to him. Find a quiet cozy place and take your time to think about what and how you want for yourself in this life. Are you ready to compromise, smooth out the corners of your relationship with your husband? Make a plan for how you want to live under the circumstances.
Do not forget about the material side of the issue: what will you live on, and is your husband able to provide for two families. Think about meeting your husband's second wife - talk to her, perhaps she did not know about your existence. Think together how you should be in such a situation.
Ask Allah to ease your situation and trust in His mercy to you. Thank Allah for the steadfastness and determination you showed seven years ago - not every woman is honored with such noble qualities, praise be to Allah Almighty. And ask Allah to increase His mercy on you. I wish you happiness in both worlds, sister. Amine. I hope I was able to help you.
“... Do not stop relying on the mercy of Allah. Indeed, only disbelievers cease to trust in the mercy of Allah.” (Sura Yusuf, verse 87).
Elvira Sadrutdinova
