Often the reason for divorce is the difficult nature of the second spouse. “He is a tyrant, an unbearable person” or “she is always unhappy with everything” - these are common complaints of those who suffer from complex relationships in family. But psychologist Alexander KOLMANOVSKY is convinced that the unbearable behavior of the spouse is not due to the fact that he is bad, but to the fact that he is bad. And with this understanding and the correct behavior of the second half, even a tyrant husband or an ulcer wife can eventually become balanced and benevolent people.
"Darling, you hear me!"
- Quarrels and disagreements between spouses often end in scandals and complaints - it is impossible to live with this person! What is behind such claims?
— Unconscious expectation that "I will be dealt with, focused on me." Of course, the relationship of the two does not consist only of this expectation. There is sexual attraction, and human interest, and willingness to help. But if we are talking about a claim, then it follows precisely from an expectation that was not justified.
It is this expectation that explains, for example, the paradoxical fact that it is very difficult to confess one's love. Why is it so difficult to say that one person treats another as well as possible? Because he is afraid of rejection. But since he is afraid of rejection, it means that this was not a statement, but a request, a request: take care of me, belong to me, spend your tenderness, your time on me. This is an urgent need - that I feel good in the framework of our relationship with you. This need is present in all people entering into marriage, but in all it is expressed to varying degrees. Those who are stronger, more stable, have more chances to focus on another person, to really take care of them. And if one in a marriage understands that all the antics of the other (his irritation, nit-picking and scandals) are just a request: pay attention to me, you see how bad I am! — then the relationship has a future. Unfortunately, this rarely happens. As a rule, people do not understand the background of mutual claims, and both expect that "he will finally come to his senses", "will meet me halfway". But, as a rule, they do not wait. A person who is not loved, who has not found himself, will not become loved and fulfilled by himself. This can only happen if they are strongly engaged. Therefore, behind such plots, when the husband is dissatisfied with the way the wife cleans, or the wife is dissatisfied with the way the husband earns, there are always deeper and more important reasons - mutually directed expectations, misunderstood and unsatisfied.
- Do you know cases when a problematic person changed precisely due to the fact that the other half, as you say, "focused" on him?
— Yes, and a lot. For example, I know a family where the husband was an exceptionally irritable, very insecure person, such a "nerve" husband. And for several years family life his wife was able to completely transform him - he became balanced and benevolent. He described to me some episodes from their lives. Somehow he found out that watches should not be kept near electromagnetic devices, and suddenly, when he came home, he found that they just had a watch on the refrigerator. He attacked his wife, began to shout that she spoiled good things. And she, instead of being offended or attacking him in response, answered him so innocently: "Volodenka, you must teach me, I'm such a fool in terms of technology." And he says that he felt completely disarmed, he suddenly became incredibly ashamed. The point is not that you have to just admit that you are a fool. If we translate this dialogue from Russian into psychological, it will sound like this: the husband says: you know, I'm afraid that you are not ready to reckon with me, so disgusting that you see what an imperfect person I am, and deep down I don’t respect. Can you show me that it's not? And his wife answered him: I reckon with you, I am ready not to compete with you. After all, when a person screams, by this he involuntarily shows his insecurity. A cry is always a signal of pain, one creature says to another: I feel bad, it hurts, pay attention to me.
Here is another illustration from the life of the same family. For my husband's next birthday, the whole family, chipping in, gave a digital camera. He was completely delighted, did not part with her for a minute. Once they were visiting, he was filming something and suddenly accidentally dropped this camera into a bowl of lecho! Completely dumbfounded, he pulls her out of the lecho, marinade flows from the camera, and his wife instantly says to him: “Volodenka, you always shoot in such extreme conditions, you need to consider this a baptism of fire!” That is, she tried to instantly turn any of his misses into dignity. Probably, this is love - a constant natural need to support a person, create an atmosphere of complete acceptance and security for him, so that he is not just superficially good - chocolate ice cream, but truly personally good. And a person in such an atmosphere after a while ceases to be afraid, becomes more adequate and balanced. After all, it is the fear of not being accepted, the fear of being offended, ridiculed, caustically pointing out your wrongness, that is the source of aggression and irritability - as they say, he is in a hurry to offend first before they have time to offend him.
I spoke about a difficult husband, but the situation is exactly symmetrical when the wife is dissatisfied with everything and constantly scandals - the husband can, by treating her actively and sympathetically, help change the situation.
- But after all, a person often barely has enough strength for himself, and then he also has to do psychotherapy with his spouse. Isn't it too difficult a task?
We are not talking about what is easy, but about what is right. Of the two spouses, usually one is more stable than the other, and if he already got a “difficult” second half, you need to understand that the situation will not change on its own, you cannot get along easily with a problem spouse. And even just patience does not always have a positive effect here.
Where does the tyrant husband come from? This is a “sick” person, not psychically, but psychologically. And the reason here is the deepest self-doubt and a strong distrust of people. This husband does not imagine that a strong relationship can be built on a benevolent basis, and he does not imagine this from his specific life experience. As a child, he, like any child, tried to offer trusting relationships, but this, apparently, met with such a reaction from his parents that he learned that nothing in life can be achieved without force. And such a problematic person will not be reassured by the mere tolerance of his wife. He won't feel like he's really being cared for if you're just trying to get along with him on the basis of a cooked meal and ironed shirts—things a housekeeper can do well. And from his wife, he expects her, on the one hand, to vigilantly see his serious flaws and be preoccupied with this, but, on the other, not reproach him for them.
And one more thing: as a rule, after several years of marriage, there are already children. And it is vital for them to see that mom treats daddy’s problems like this, that she doesn’t take offense at him for them, doesn’t curse him, that she sympathizes with him in them, but sympathizes not virtually, not just sitting and something about him good thinking, but sympathizes actively. This is the only saving position for the children of a problem parent. Otherwise, they will inevitably be reinstated against one of the parents. And a child who condemns a parent is doomed to be a dysfunctional person. Therefore, the maximum that a mother can do to ensure that full-fledged people grow out of children is to treat their father actively and sympathetically.
Brawlers and henpecked
- Somehow it turns out that we are talking more about difficult husbands and patient wives, but there is also a variant of female aggression in the family - when the wife constantly saws her husband, and they say about him - henpecked. How to be a husband in such a situation?
- When a wife nags her husband, this usually means that she does not feel that her husband is really engaged in her. To herself, she often cannot formulate this precisely and clings to external causes. True, sometimes she so harshly demands from her husband that he deal with her that, of course, he does not have a soul for this. But still, if a husband wants normal relations in the family, he has only one way out: to really deal with his wife. Perhaps, again, from her childhood experience, she was used to the fact that if you do not demand harshly, then they will not reckon with her. And then it must be taught to the fact that "no, they will be counted." Say: “Why are you screaming? Are you afraid that if you ask calmly, I will not meet you halfway? Of course, Mashenka, I will go and be happy.”
Often the symptom of "henpecked husband" also indicates that a man does not have his own solid foundation in life. And in order to improve relations with his wife, he needs to focus on his own life, to understand - is this what he is doing in it? To what extent is his work, his activity non-random, non-opportunistic? This turns out to be very important for normal family relations.
- The opposite example of aggression in the family is when a husband beats his wife. There is an opinion that if you raise your hand once, then everything will be raised all the time. Is it so?
- I do not have such an observation that if you once raised your hand, then this will inevitably be repeated. It's not always the same. Here is the reaction of the husband. If the next day he begins to make excuses with annoyance - but don’t bother me! - this is bad. If he says, "Listen, I don't understand how this could happen to me, what a horror," then that is reassuring. If repentance seems sincere to the wife, this can be accepted. If the incident repeats, it cannot be left like that. I must say: “Vasya, you already said this, this does not save us. Can you give yourself an account of what is really happening? How can I feel safe? If he says: “You know, I'm really not a safe person, maybe I need to be treated, change something in my life,” then, again, there is hope. If he repeats that the wife herself is to blame, then it is not safe to live with such a person.
Leave to return
We recently received a letter from a woman. Her husband regularly insults her, including in front of the child, he says a little - she went out of my house, but she endures: “I try to do him only good, and he wipes his feet on me!”, Thinking that in this way he is saving the family .
- There is one very important point - a problematic person cannot be correctly corrected, being emotionally, financially or organizationally dependent on him. You cannot treat a person who beats or humiliates you.
When the husband says: get out of my house, you must silently, on the same evening, pack your things and leave. That is, get out of this situation. But not to go out to throw your husband out of your life and live with relief. Her husband, although a former one, is forever a relative, whether she wants it or not, and he is in trouble, and they don’t leave their own in trouble. You can part with him as a husband, stop marital relations, but you can not stop human relations, kindred. And therefore, it is necessary to get out of this situation in order, without experiencing oppressive dependence, to establish normal human relations with him. Trying to do the same at his house, listening to insults, means giving him a false life lesson: here, this is how I behave, and it's okay, everyone tolerates me - and this is the main lesson that he learns in such a situation. The first condition for the correction of difficult spouses is the absence of any kind of dependence.
- But many women often cannot break this addiction - they suffer, hate, but do not change anything.
- Dependence on another person arises as a result of one's own insufficiency, when one's life is not full, there is no self-confidence. Therefore, you must start with yourself. Honest and deep work on herself will help a woman stop feeling like a victim, and only then, having become stronger, will she sincerely be able to show her husband that with him, so nightmarish, she is nevertheless ready to communicate friendly and warmly. Indeed, many women live with "heavy" husbands, and they do not wipe their feet on them - but these are, as a rule, women who have filled relationships with relatives and friends who are engaged in activities that are right for them.
Here is the story of one of my friends. It was very difficult for her to live with her husband - he regularly found fault with her because of everything in a row, and these cavils ended in grandiose scandals, and the wife was always to blame. Finally, she could not stand it - she wrote a note to her husband that she loved him, but could not live with him, took the child and went to another city to relatives. The need to earn a living helped her find her job, her calling. At the same time, she went to a psychologist, trying to sort out her relationship with her husband, and he helped to understand the reasons for his behavior: with his scandals, the husband tried to show that he was not sure that he was accepted by her, that he did not have enough care for him. Thus, doing something significant for herself, this woman felt internally free, strong, and working with a psychologist, she realized that her husband's scandals were not personally connected with her. And both of these factors helped her return to her husband and already behave in a completely different way. Previously, she felt like a victim who had to "tolerate a psychopath", and this position of hers added fuel to the fire. As soon as she began to sympathize with her husband and not take his outbursts of aggression personally, everything changed. The best cure for a troubled spouse is sincere sympathy. And you should not be afraid that if you behave this way all the time, your husband will get used to it and “spoil himself”. This fear, fortunately, is not confirmed by life, on the contrary, such an attitude turns out to be very therapeutic.
It is also very important not to let the husband behave aggressively towards other people, his relatives, subordinates, out of concern for him. You can say: “Sash, well, you are setting yourself up like that - they will falsely think about you that you are an unfriendly person, but you are not really like that!”
What else can you advise women like the authors of the letter, or henpecked men? Take care of your own parent-child relationships, because when a person turns out to be insecure, there is almost always some kind of trouble in relations with their own parents behind this.
- And if the spouse tries, deals with his difficult second half, and then breaks down - the person is not a robot! - all efforts in vain?
— When a wife (or husband) endures, endures, and then explodes, it happens in two different cases: either she / he suffers incorrectly - does not really take care of herself or her spouse, as we have just discussed, that is, simply suffers but does nothing. Another case is when the spouse is properly engaged in his difficult half, answers it correctly and is silent when necessary, but at some point his soul cannot stand it and he explodes. Sometimes this has a paradoxical effect - the second spouse suddenly understands everything, “points to sharpness” and becomes silky. But this has an effect if the person before this sincerely and correctly tried, and the explosion was spontaneous. If the explosion was deliberate - endured, endured, and then decided to "arrange" for him, this is instantly felt and causes only one reaction - protest.
Therefore, if a person breaks loose, it’s not scary, there are no angels or robots among living people. The success of the relationship is not associated with some kind of absolute consistency, it is associated only with the vector, with the internal direction of the efforts being made.
It doesn't come right away. But if you understand in which direction to put efforts, then it will turn out better and better.
REFERENCE
Alexander Eduardovich KOLMANOVSKY was born in 1956 in Moscow. Graduated from Moscow State University. M. V. Lomonosov: biological and psychological faculties. Specialist in family and parent-child relations. He runs the center for socio-psychological rehabilitation "Our Life", where, together with his wife Natalia, he provides assistance to victims in various hot spots. The son of the famous composer Eduard Kolmanovsky.
Kindness is the key to family health
In order to improve problematic relationships, and not only family ones, a person must first look - how friendly am I? To check this, you cannot rely on your own feelings, which are mostly subjective. In a person who seems tough from the outside, his inner feeling often says: "I'm good, it's all the goats around." Therefore, when checking the degree of one's own benevolence, one should try to imagine - how do I really look in the eyes of others? Am I friendly to them or not? And if I understand that it is not, I need to seriously focus on this. You need to put yourself in the position of a person to whom it is easy to turn with any request, the most inappropriate, and try to become such a person. Without this, you will definitely feel insecure both in family life and in everything else. Goodwill is a thermometer, an indicator of our psychological safety. The more aggressive a person is, the less psychologically preserved. Often it is not his fault, just as it is not the fault of a person when he has a fever. But this is a departure from the norm.
Marina NEFEDOV
I am 25 years old. Married 5 years. 2 children. I don’t want to live with my husband anymore, I killed all the feelings in me. on the topic of divorce, but then I decided to leave everything as it is and save the family, I'm all for 
Now I’m thinking about everything, I don’t know what to do, I became very irritable, aggressive, I take it out on the children, but you can’t do this, take out your emotions on the children, then I scold and punish myself for it. I’m afraid of the condemnation of his relatives, neighbors, that she got divorced, couldn’t save her family ... But I can’t force myself to sleep with him through force, is it like violence against myself, or is it worth it to endure all this for the sake of children, and wait until they grow up? .. What to do next, I don’t know ... And now my heart is not calm, it’s just torn into 2 parts, from the fact that I don’t decide what to do ....
I don’t want to live with my husband anymore, I killed all the feelings in me.
I can’t forcibly force myself to sleep with him, kiss and hug him, and I don’t like his kisses and hugs, I don’t like being next to him and sleeping in the same room and in the apartment.
What I think about my feelings and love is selfishness, I know.
I became very irritable, aggressive, I take it out on the children, but you can’t do this, take out your emotions on the children, then I scold and punish myself for it.
I feel good and calm when he is not next to me, I don’t miss or miss, on the contrary, I rejoice in my thoughts when he goes to work on the night shift.
I am afraid of the condemnation of his relatives, neighbors, that she divorced, could not save her family ...
But I can’t force myself to sleep with him through force, is it like violence against myself, or is it worth it to endure all this for the sake of the children, and wait until they grow up? ..
I don't want anything anymore. I've been crying for five days and can't calm down. It doesn’t seem like a girl anymore, but I can’t pull myself together. I'm 52, I live with drinking husband,V his apartment. There is nowhere to go, but there is no strength to live like this. Every night I go to bed and pray to God to take me away. A drunken husband is very aggressive, it is impossible to please him with anything. It takes out the whole soul. Of my relatives, I have a son and a younger cousin. The son is an adult and lives separately with his wife. I told my husband that I would complain to my son, so he promised to beat me so that it would not seem enough. Yes, and ashamed in front of the son’s wife, she doesn’t know, they were recently married. She has a very good family, parents who do not drink at all and are friendly. My closest friend died in February from cancer. My sister lives far away in another city, she has three small children and is also not very good with her husband. There is nowhere to go, what to do - I do not know. Tired of crying, tired of living, tired of everything. Do not wanna go Home. I'm not hoping for anything, I just wanted to talk.
Support the site:
Margarita, age: 52 / 08/31/2017
Responses:
Rita, if your mother was in such a situation, would you help her? Why do you think that the son will not help? Consult with him. Surely there will be a solution. He's an adult, not Small child. Surely he will come to the rescue and help with a trip or rent an apartment for you. If all this is impossible to endure, you must at least try to do something. Believe that everything will work out. God will help and good people will help. Do not despair!
Olya, age: 42 / 08/31/2017
Run away from your husband: try to rent a house and work, but you can’t stand it!
Lech, age: 09/19/2017
Margarita, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are not to blame for anything. You need to leave him, but, of course, you decide. Contact the administration or crisis centers so that you have housing at least for a while. During this time, you can get a job and save up to rent at least a room.
Julia, age: 30 / 09/01/2017
Hello. Margarita, dear, you already have nervous exhaustion, be sure to drink vitamins, vegetables, fruits, greens, juices - include them in your diet. It is better to go to my sister to recover a little, calm down and think. There really aren't many options for your situation. You can rent a room, it's not expensive, if you work, then there shouldn't be any problems at all. In the end, the son can help at least sometimes. A woman I know was also afraid to leave the truth from a roommate who drank and cheated, but she found the strength to rent a house, for only 5 tr plus communes, although her position and salary are not at all big. If you don't work, look elsewhere! Another option is to get to know someone from the nearest village, farm, and then agree - either to look after the example of a social worker with accommodation, or simply live for a small fee and sometimes help with the housework - in the garden, household yard. There are many lonely people who want to communicate, and at least some help. Surely empty houses can be found inexpensively, to get a household, grandchildren will go to fresh air. Check with your son. Regarding the husband - he believes that you will not get away from him, so every day he scoffs more and more. Your decisive action can become an incentive and motivation to get rid of a bad habit, as my grandparents did. Grandmother was tired of her husband's drunkenness and she decided to leave, and at my mother's wedding, grandfather vowed not to drink anymore, only for my grandmother to return. And he kept his word! True, I had to avoid feasts, meetings with old friends, but it was worth it! The motto is not a drop of alcohol, and without extraneous interference (coding and the like). Just the fear of being alone and the desire to seriously quit a bad habit did their job. And I also noticed write - your daughter-in-law's parents, she herself - friendly, good, but believe me, everyone has problems, so don't complex when it's difficult, hard - you don't have to endure and put up, you need to look for a way out and act! If the son's wife is worthy, then she will definitely understand and support. If not, the son must take responsibility. I wish you a speedy overcoming of your problem, you will win!!!
Irina, age: 09/29/2017
Dear Margarita, it is understandable that you think of your son as a child and care about his welfare, but I think he would like to know if his mother needs help. How else to return the filial debt, if not help in a difficult situation? One head is good, but two is better, you can think of something. Firstly, you can get a divorce at any time, because. the situation is unlikely to improve in the future. Don't be afraid of anyone. In no case do not take the role of a victim, fight for yourself. Hugs, hold on.
Anna, age: 36 / 09/01/2017
Do not be shy about your son's wife, you are not the one who drinks. He must stand up for you. After all, he's a son!! A man!! Threaten with compulsory treatment. And don't loosen up! Mine drinks too. If it gets hard, then I can give back, or “treat” with ice water. You don’t need to show that you are afraid. And you walk more! Hold on!
Violet, age: 45 / 09/04/2017
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Hello dear ladies! How to understand that the relationship has come to an end? Sometimes this can be very difficult to do. The habit works, it's a pity to leave because of the long years lived together, children, common property. There are a million factors that make women afraid and in no hurry to leave the family, although it is quite clear that there is nothing more to save. Let's try to answer the question together: when should I divorce my husband?
I always start the analysis of relationships with the question: did you do everything so that your love would live forever? You can save a marriage indefinitely if you are ready for this work.
Many couples experience infidelity, difficult financial situations, confrontation between parents and other troubles and difficulties. It all depends on whether the right person is next to you.
I have a friend who has been together for over ten years. They went through so many difficult situations that I can’t even count. But they are still together, holding hands tighter and moving forward. They love each other, they are ready for anything for each other. Such a story from a fairy tale that suddenly burst into life.
There are other examples as well. When couples could not stand even the slightest obstacles. It all depends on you and your partner. Verify this by reading the article "". In it, I describe in detail the features of working on relationships.
But fate does not always bring us together with the one and only. Because of the fear of being left alone, the young ladies cling to this man as their last chance. But in the end it will not lead to anything good. Without love, without support, without and trust relationships will not last long.
Do you feel that your feelings have cooled down and do not know what to do? Check out the article " ».
Every couple is special and faces their own unique challenges, but in general, the reasons for divorce are always similar. Let's discuss the most common ones and try to understand whether it is possible to save a family or whether it is worth packing a suitcase and leaving.
Alcohol. One of the most common reasons why women leave men. And in my opinion, there is nothing that could be put up with. An alcoholic in the family is a real misfortune. Of course, there are different alcoholics, quiet and calm, who get drunk and go to bed. But there are aggressive ones who beat their family.
Treating a man at home is almost impossible. This should be done by specialists. If you managed to talk with your spouse, he realized that he had problems and was ready for treatment, then you can still talk about saving the marriage. But if he refuses to accept his problems, does not understand what your claim is, everything suits him, then it will be useless to fight him.
Quite often I meet couples in which the husband and wife are pulled together into this completely unexciting journey. Think about yourself, about your health. Sometimes it all starts just with a couple of bottles of beer in the evening after work. But you do not have time to notice how it is already a permanent bottle of cognac, hidden in the closet. Be carefull. I'm not advocating not to drink at all. It is important to have a sound idea, to be able to stop.
Money. Another common reason for divorce. Poor living conditions, unwillingness of the spouse to work. But here it is very important to understand in what situations you need to help the faithful cope with the circumstances, and when it is really time to leave.
If your husband has just been made redundant from a good position, give him some time to recover. Help to look for a job, do not cut him once again. Now he needs support. But if he has been sitting for a year, two or three years and is still trying to find a job, then let doubts creep into your head. Is he really looking for her?
I bring to your attention the article "". In it, I look in detail at the various options why men prefer to stay at home and how to deal with it.
But if this happens with enviable regularity, I'm afraid you can't do anything with such a man. After all, some even give birth to a second family. There is no test that would help to initially determine whether your missus will run to the left or not. You will understand this only after living with him for several years.
How to understand that a man is cheating? Signs may be different. He stays late at work, hides his phone, leaves the room when he gets a call. Just don't panic ahead of time. Sometimes women see things that aren't really there. You should not make a scandal if you are not sure of treason.
Different tempers. This includes different goals in life, lifestyle, plans and dreams, incompatibility in bed, the desire to have a baby, and so on. At the beginning of a relationship, euphoria closes our eyes and we do not see strong differences that can then interfere with the relationship.
What is family? These are two people who together strive for a common happiness. And when you have a different understanding of happiness, you will not be able to go to it together.
Recently one of my clients broke up with a man. The reason was their different desires. He wanted to come home after work, have dinner, watch a movie and relax. She now needs activity, to go to exhibitions, to the cinema, to travel to different cities of our country.
you can find helpful tips on this topic in the article "".
Other reasons. In addition to the above excuses for divorce, you can find frequent quarrels, loss of feelings, parents who constantly interfere in relationships, illness, frequent separation of partners, and so on.
Is it worth it to fight for love - it's up to you! If you feel strength in yourself, feel the support of your husband, see his readiness to resist obstacles, then you will definitely succeed.
Give yourself a break. Try to get away for a while. Think, analyze your relationship, what else are you ready to do, what will you lose if you break up, what will you lose if you stay together. Evaluate all options.
Do not jump to conclusions and do not make quick decisions. Sometimes everything is very easy to destroy, and then it is impossible to put it back together.
In what case is it necessary to leave a man? Have you ever forgiven cheating? Are you more often the initiator of the breakup or the partner?
Take your time and think things through. I am sure you will definitely find the right solution!
I'm 32. I've been married to my husband for 10 years - we met in my student years, immediately got married. We are raising a beautiful son, he is already 9. Ideal relationship - they loved each other, they were ready for anything, they never complained about mutual understanding, they even quarreled at most because of the color of the cup as a gift to friends - not serious, no scandals, no breaking dishes […]
I am 32. I have been married to my husband for 10 years - we met in my student years, immediately got married. We are raising a beautiful son, he is already 9. Ideal relationship - they loved each other, they were ready for anything, they never complained about mutual understanding, they even quarreled at most because of the color of the cup as a gift to friends - not serious, no scandals, no breaking dishes or insults. Friends considered the ideal family and set an example, they told us many times that it is only thanks to our family that people still believe in what exists real love for life. And neither I nor - I'm sure - he never had a desire to go "left", because everything is fine in bed too. He has not stood still for 10 years - he is smart, does everything around the house, his salary is growing, he still manages to allocate time for his family. And to me - everything is so good that it's already sickening!
Probably a year and a half ago, I first thought that I no longer love him, but live with him out of habit. I then flashed one light love - but it doesn’t matter, that person has already disappeared from my life, but the understanding that my husband is no longer interesting to me remains. I don't want to talk to him like before, to tell him something. I don’t want a joint weekend - more and more often we go somewhere together with our son. I don't even want sex. It seems, and he feels it - alertness has appeared in him, he is trying to understand what is happening to me, although I pretend that everything is fine. I just don't see how it could be otherwise. I've been with him almost all my conscious life. I don't want to hurt my son - he loves us both, it will be a terrible blow for him. My parents will say that I have gone completely crazy - they do not have a soul in him, consider him family, understand how he loves me. I can’t make up my mind to break everything, but I can’t continue either - I’m torturing myself, and him, and the child. I lost 7 kg, I drink sedatives. If I leave it, will it be better?
