How do you want to be happy and not depend on anyone. I want to smile, to feel like a full-fledged woman, even during periods of loneliness. Are you really ready to shift the responsibility for your happiness to another person, even a partner?
Of course, we think, feel and perceive the world differently. Only, dear women, have you ever wondered why you never hear about “single men”? It's about how they perceive periods of non-relationship. For them, this is freedom! Why not start looking at the situation from this angle too?
We wonder how to learn to live alone. But it sounds somehow painful, with a slight note of sadness and suffering ... Why have we stopped perceiving loneliness as a chance?
Women, being alone, think that something in life is going wrong ... It seems that in the absence of a partner, some important detail is missing ... A puzzle that can be placed in the right place, and everything will become complete and harmonious. But is it?
Is breaking up with a man really that bad? Why are we accustomed to consider ourselves useless during these periods? Why do we carry loneliness in our hearts like a heavy load on our shoulders? But there are a lot of advantages to being alone!
Energy. Think about how much time, effort and patience a woman spends on maintaining relationships. Especially when cohabiting. Cleaning the house, reconciliation after conflicts, the ability to give in on time ... You have to adapt to the other person: what movie to watch, when to go to bed, with whom to spend the weekend, how to spend the family budget.
If you are alone, all this is left to you to decide. You can see a friend, go to the store or spend the whole day in bed. And still forces remain!
A free woman gets more pleasure from life. You can say "no" if you don't like sex, for example. You may never see each other again if you have a fight. Without a husband, you are able to choose with whom you want to spend the evening ... And not be afraid of how he will react, whether he will call it “treason”, whether he decides to take revenge.
Being alone for some time, alone with themselves, women without men begin to love and respect themselves more: space, time, resources. You will finally be able to open your inner world, better understand your character, realize what you like to do? What places to visit?
It may turn out that the list will be the exact opposite of the one you followed when you were with a man.
You should not be afraid of loneliness, and for the reason that it is not forever, but will also end. Rather than mourn, it is better to enjoy. 😉
Should not be doing that. As soon as you are alone, you do not need to immediately call your girlfriends or install a dating app. Superficial connections, space-filling dates, and strangers won't help you find happiness, they won't help you understand yourself.
If you don't learn the lesson, nothing will change. Instead of satiating yourself, you will only disperse and spend the last crumbs of energy.
After a bad breakup, you can leave a scar on your heart. No one promises that he will heal quickly. Perhaps your former man was not the best representative of the human race. Perhaps he offended you or insulted you. Maybe even your mother inspired you: “All men are goats!”.
Just don't interpret the negative characters you've met as all men. What you think about is what you attract. If you are convinced that there are only ill-mannered boors-sexists around, you will meet such people on your way. Then don't be surprised.
Don't be afraid to open up to something new. Start thinking differently. Not the way you're used to. Turn on more positive, joy, openness. No one is going to hurt or offend you on purpose, believe me!
If you simply endure a period of loneliness, live through suffering without drawing conclusions, then it is unlikely that you will be able to build a happy life further. Every situation (especially unpleasant) that happens to us is a lesson. If you don't get it the first time, it will hurt more.
That is why it is so important to force yourself and mentally re-live the situation. What caused the divorce? What emotions did you experience? What could be done to solve the problem not so categorically?
If you still have doubts, we will answer. Definitely yes! Many women in the world live without a permanent partner or even alone. And not all of them consider themselves unhappy, and their lives - meaningless.
If you come home and no one is waiting there, this does not mean that you should feel bad. Of course, the social stereotype makes itself felt. “Not married at 30?”, “You will remain an old maid”, “lives without a husband, so no one needs it”, or what else do they say?
But it's important to understand why people say that. They themselves are afraid of loneliness, they are afraid to come to an empty apartment, they are afraid that their husband will leave them. This could be for various reasons:
Do not be strict, understand that offensive and bitter phrases are not spoken to strangers from a good life ...
The most important thing is to be happy. After all the awareness of events from the past and acceptance of yourself, it's time to make a choice in favor of happiness and success. Now you must accept yourself as a strong and free woman. In order for the wounds to heal, and the state of mind to become better, it is not necessary to walk around with a sour expression on your face for a whole year, feel sorry for yourself and suffer! 😉
Now you have more than enough! Finally, you can do things that you really like. Sign up for dances, start donating to charity, go on romantic dates, eat salads for a whole week.
Painting courses, city walks, hiking trips, cooking classes... Anything! You are now free!
Just in case, make a schedule so you don't get bored.
To everyone who pitied and comforted you, tell them that everything is fine now. You no longer need plaintive glances, retorts, and wooing suitors. You can decide that the topic of your loneliness is now taboo. After all, what difference does it make to other people? Let everyone live their own lives.
Just be yourself. Sincere, real and honest. Why would you start a clean slate of life with hypocrisy in front of strange men?
If you implement all these rules into your life, accept and love yourself, then soon the word “loneliness” will stop scaring you. You will feel yourself, real, alive and living to the fullest!
Question to the psychologist:
Good afternoon I have been dating a guy since I was 18. He is my first man. The relationship lasted 12 years. I was dominant in the relationship. For the past few years, a person has constantly annoyed me, often lashed out at him. We swore and parted a lot (the biggest gap was 2 weeks). But in February of this year, we broke up and he immediately found another girl, told everyone that he had fallen in love and was ready to get married soon. (when we were in a relationship, he constantly talked about the wedding and the need to start a family. I was not ready for this) The world turned upside down for me, I stopped sleeping, eating, I felt sick at night, I constantly cried. His relationship lasted less than 2 months and they broke up. We started dating again (I really wanted to drown out the pain that haunted me all these 2 months). We rented an apartment with him, but I couldn’t move there, I was looking for excuses (I was afraid). For 4 months he lived there alone, I came several times a week. We agreed that we would finally move at the end of September. All this time we did not fight. But a month ago there was a big fight. Immediately after our telephone conversation, he invited a girl on a date (whom he met at work a few days ago, the difference between them is 11 years). The next day, he said that we would no longer rent an apartment and the relationship was over. Until now, he meets with this girl, introduced her immediately to his parents and to all his friends. He tells everyone that he is madly in love. The world has turned upside down again, terrible thoughts of suicide visit as soon as I imagine it with her. I do not live for a month, but I exist.
Hello Julia! Apparently, for 12 years you have become so accustomed to the fact that this person is next to you that now you have to build a completely new way of life, and this is hard. According to you, I got the impression that it is painful for you to part with the habit, and not with the person. Since the man has irritated you in recent years, you did not want to live with him in a rented apartment. You write that you were afraid. Were afraid of what? Then you write that you started dating because you wanted to drown out your pain, you don’t mention anything about love for him. And he seemed to have very definite ideas about the future - he wanted a family. And he went his own way when he realized that you are not ready to give him what he wants.
Ask yourself questions: what do I really want? What kind of life do I need? What kind of relationship would I like now (and would like in general)?
You continue to hold on to your habit of being not alone, but, in fact, you and your man have been walking your own path for a long time, had different desires and goals. Only a man listened to his desires and went to fulfill them, but you do not listen to yours.
Julia, what are you afraid of now? Go beyond the boundaries of the world familiar to you, open the door and see what is there behind it? Are you sure that nothing good awaits you? But maybe still. Gain strength and go beyond these boundaries?
I like one phrase that I remember at different events.
"Whatever your desire, the Universe has one of three answers for you:
The first answer is "Yes";
The second answer is "Yes, but not now";
And the third answer is "I have something better for you."
You know, it seems to me that the third answer sounds to you now. You have devoted a fairly large period of your life to these relationships. Irritation does not arise from scratch, and if you have had it for years, it means that you did not feel happy. And now you are free and can build your own happiness.
Working with women after parting, I want to tell you that, despite the severity of experiences, unwillingness to live, apathy, most still allow themselves to grieve and let go of this pain, gain strength and dive into new life, be happy. But there are also a small number of women who cherish their pain for years, and instead of living their lives, continue to cling to memories, follow the events that take place in life. ex-husbands, cry.
But it is very important to be ready to take responsibility for yourself and your future in your own hands. Julia, what are you spending your life on now? Do you remember your period of life before you started dating this young man? When were you 16-17 years old? Have you ever fallen in love with him? Were you happy? Did you catch the eyes of men? Was there an inner sense of drive at that time? If not, trust me, it's worth a try. If it was - remember how it was, remember your feelings. These feelings can come back to you again and again.
My husband has completely changed me. In my youth, I was a completely independent girl, I was not afraid to be completely alone in an apartment, if necessary, I rebuffed offenders and even independently bookshelf with the help of tools. When I got married, I began to completely rely on my husband. After five years of marriage, our relationship has only grown stronger. Now I clearly understand why we began to need each other more and more. Now I will voice only 5 reasons that make me understand that I cannot live without him.
We all know this saying: "One head is good, but two is better." This is true in my case as well. When a specific question arises, the first person I turn to for advice is my husband. In marriage, it is so important to rely on each other. It's so wonderful to know when your spouse is also yours. best friend when his opinion matters a lot. A strong marriage can be compared to a business partnership, where each party has equal powers and its own functions. I can’t imagine a situation where one of the spouses takes on the entire burden of responsibility and care, and the other sits all day watching TV and eating ice cream.
Each of us makes up to a hundred different decisions a day. Some of them depend on important aspects, while others do not play a big role. When it comes to making decisions that may affect a family member, we must negotiate together. If it were my will, then we would be constantly on vacation and long mired in debt. It is good that my spouse brings me back from heaven to earth and balances my desires. 
I am often irritated when doing housework or being a mother. Raising children takes a lot of physical and emotional strength. Therefore, I always want to talk about my experiences and worries. And if the day is not set in the morning, I really want to complain and find solace. Who will give it to me if not him? And here no words are needed, only strong male hugs.
Looking 10 or even 20 years ahead, I can't imagine my existence without him. I imagine waking up and the first thing I see is my husband's face. For me, these relationships are the most important thing in my life. Even parents and children fade into the background. I understand that I cannot lose him, and these visions must come true. I agree to go through this path to the end, to overcome the severe obstacles that will be sent to me from above. Even now, when I dream, plan the future, or imagine how our life will change, I hold his hand. 
I have already given a lot of arguments by which one can judge that I cannot imagine my existence without a husband. I love his jokes and harmless remarks. When he makes jokes about me, it doesn't hurt me at all. He always knows where the line is. He will support me when my dinner on the stove burns again. He can turn my tears into laughter. Looking back at the time of carefree youth, I remember those days with joy. The truth is, I wouldn't trade my marriage for anything.
We all have difficult and difficult moments. This may relate to family, life, work, finance, social sphere. Sometimes problems pile up on top of each other, and we do not know how to get out from under this heavy oppression. Look into the eyes of your spouse. Does he do anything to keep your heart from sadness? Does it drive away the doubts and fears that you have? Does it make you happy every day? If you are overtaken by difficult times, think that true happiness is near you, bringing so much joy, and you will immediately feel better. 
A free and lonely life has its advantages and disadvantages. It's only when we're alone that we feel different. We rely only on ourselves and do not feel support from anyone.
People who made a promise to be with each other until the end of their days are happy. However, maintaining a state of true happiness is not easy. You need to work hard on your relationships. When this condition is met, couples are not afraid of any of the existing crises. My husband showed me that nothing is impossible. And he really changed me.
The problem with many girls who, for one reason or another, have recently broken up with their boyfriends, is that they can't get rid of thoughts about their ex-lover. It seems to them that now it is simply impossible to live on normally, and even more so to find new happiness, because this will be prevented by still preserved feelings for him. And it doesn't matter if it's love, affection or resentment or even hatred. The main thing is that thoughts constantly return to broken relationships.
Of course, one cannot but admit that the breakup of relations always causes deep mental wounds, and at first it seems that it is simply impossible to come to terms with this and live on. Mental wounds can take quite a long time to heal, especially if the girl was truly in love with her boyfriend. Pain is inevitable.
Are you also facing a similar problem? We hasten to assure you that it can be solved quickly enough. We will tell you how to speed up the process in fairly simple steps. With the help of our step-by-step guide, you can move on, past the period of grief and heading into a happier world.
Let's start by explaining how to fully end all relationships with your ex. After all, you will not be able to forget it if there are at least some threads that your past is tied to you. Here is what you need to do to remove everything that is still holding you in place and preventing you from moving on:
Your couple may have broken up, but like courtship during a crush, breaking up with a guy also has its own share of rituals. It is not enough to simply end a relationship; it is necessary to stop all contacts, no matter how difficult it may seem. Delete his number from your mobile phone, remove him from friends in all social networks, remove him from your Skype contacts list. It's hard, but it needs to be done. Being constantly aware of what is happening in the life of an ex-boyfriend will be a very difficult test for you. You will not be able to fight the temptation and will constantly look at its pages, and this will twist your soul. And you will never be able to forget a guy like that.
Now this is especially important. People are all a little cruel, no matter how nice they are. If your ex knows that you are suffering, it will only flatter his ego and make him stronger emotionally. Yes, and he will treat you with a degree of disdain. Therefore, keep a calm expression on your face, no matter how painful it is for you. In no case do not cry in front of him and do not say how much you miss him. His response or behavior will only cause you more pain. Avoid meetings with him and try to do everything so that he thinks that you are quite happy and satisfied with your life. This, by the way, can greatly intrigue the guy, and in no case, in this situation, will he feel his advantage over you.
Again, it will be difficult for you to distance yourself from your ex if you go where you can meet him. Moreover, it is not known whose side your mutual friends are holding. In general, communication with them will only bring you painful memories, and they themselves may try to start a conversation about breaking up your relationship. In addition, you will somehow begin to hear from them about how he spends his time. All this will eventually lead to the fact that your mental wounds that have begun to heal will begin to bleed again. And the worst thing is that he will be able to know exactly (from friends) how much you are hurting right now. So for now, your best bet is to hang out with your friends only.
During the months or years that you spent together, you both gave each other a lot of gifts and kept some memorabilia for you. All this is necessary, if not destroyed (although it would be preferable), then at least removed as far as possible. Otherwise, you'll be wasting your time sorting through his love letters or saved movie tickets you've watched together, hugging each other and holding hands tenderly. All this will not only hurt you; this can serve to ensure that the memories will make your love flare up with renewed vigor. And the romance will turn out to be one-sided ... You don’t need it at all, because in this way you will never forget your boyfriend; But you want not only to forget, but also to do it quickly, right?
Perhaps you are now experiencing a strong desire to hide in some dark corner and sit there alone with yourself, experiencing a storm in your soul. Everything fell apart, life is over, happiness is impossible ... But why sit in a corner, pouting, when you can chat with friends, make new acquaintances, do something interesting - live a full life, in short! We all want to withdraw into ourselves when something hurts us; but you really have to convince yourself to get out of the house or to keep yourself busy. Loneliness is the biggest obstacle to your "recovery" and the beginning of a new life.
During the time that you were in a relationship with your ex, there were a lot of guys around you who could like you. Yes, you yourself probably noticed that the guys flirted with you when your boyfriend was not around. But before you were connected, because you had certain obligations to your loved one. Now everything is different. You can pay attention to those guys who are looking for communication with you. Believe me, any of them can make you feel like a princess! And you deserve it. And in the end, you will have a great time, instead of sitting and sour all alone.
Your old acquaintances know that you had to break up with your boyfriend, and you, willy-nilly, have to put on a mark in front of them, trying to show that everything is in order. By meeting new friends who don't know what happened, you can completely relax and be yourself. In the end, you won't have to constantly fire yourself up with memories and talk about an unpleasant topic, and you will be able to forget your ex-boyfriend much faster.
You've already made several successful efforts to get over your ex and numb the pain your breakup caused you. But this is not enough, because now you need to somehow rebuild your life and start the path to a new happiness.
When you were in a relationship, everything you did, you did it as a couple. While not bad, you could end up missing out on a lot of things you love. All people have different tastes and desires, and what pleases one may leave completely indifferent to another. And, as a rule, most often it is us girls who have to give in. So maybe you stopped going to the theater altogether because your boyfriend preferred going to the movies, or you didn’t get to listen to the music you liked, or you didn’t get to hang out with your girlfriend as often as you wanted to…
Now that you can manage yourself and your free time as you see fit, you can do whatever your heart desires. Watching the movies you love, reading books to your heart's content wrapped in a blanket and sitting in your favorite chair, making new fans, taking knitting classes, hanging out with a friend all day long - everything that you loved to do before. The whole world is in your hands, and there are so many cute and funny things waiting just for you! So why waste time and mope, locking yourself in your room?
Now that you've done so much to get over your boyfriend, you should feel a lot calmer and even happier. But you must understand that the full healing has not happened yet, and you must still avoid remembering. The worst thing happens when you are alone, even for a little while. This is just the time when you will still be returning thoughts to your ex-boyfriend.
It will be very difficult for you to resist the temptation to call or write to him. Every time you feel like that, call one of your new friends who doesn't know about your past relationship, or even better, another guy who flirts with you and tries to please you (after all, you listened to our advice and did not forbid flirt with other guys?) After a few minutes of talking on the phone, your mood will change dramatically for the better.
If you can't resist and let yourself call ex friend, then thereby show him your weakness. You will also give him a chance to gloat and he will humiliate you at every opportunity. In no case should you allow this, because it will hurt your heart even more. So the next time your thoughts go back to ex boyfriend get them out of your head! And try not to be alone. And if you still want to be alone, then be sure to keep yourself busy with some business.
If you want to find a new guy, then there is nothing better than going to clubs and parties. Gather all your best friends and go on a spree with them! Now you can act like you couldn't be someone's girlfriend. Dance with everyone! See handsome guy? Well, then flirt with him! Laugh, joke, make eyes, flirt! Enjoy your freedom!
Do not forget only our main warning in this regard - in any case, do not get drunk at the party. Drinking is not worth even quite a bit: a recent break with a former lover and alcohol can be a very dangerous combination. You may end up spending the night with a guy you don't like at all, or you'll lose control and start haunting memories and crying instead of having fun and making new friends. And even if all this does not happen, the feeling of a hangover the next morning will make you forget how much fun you had the night before.
If you have done everything we talked about above, but the relief has not come and you still feel that your heart is broken, then perhaps you should make a "knight's move." To quickly forget the old ones, you must start a new relationship. Now, many would advise you to wait with this and not start dating, as they say, with the first person you meet, but we think otherwise.
Most girls are afraid to enter into a new relationship because they are afraid that they will fall in love again and end up suffering again. But, our dear ones, if true love is destined to happen, then it will certainly happen! And if love is not born in a relationship with a new guy, then this is also not a disaster. Then just enjoy the fact that you are not alone. Your new partner will make you forget about those relationships that have collapsed and tormented you so far much faster.
Of course, you have to be honest with your new admirer. If you do not have feelings for him, you can tell him directly that you are not looking for something serious and just want to have fun for a few weeks or months. And there it will be seen - perhaps true mutual love will be born from your friendship!
Now we will tell you the last thing you need to know about breaking up with an ex-boyfriend if you really want to be a winner, not a loser. Winners always triumph, and losers always suffer. If you ask your friend to come back after a breakup, or if you call him constantly and make scandals, cry and scream, then this makes you look weak. And he never wants to deal with such a hysterical again. Moreover, relations with you lose all value for a guy if he sees that you are ready for anything, you are so eager to be with him. The realization that you are so madly in love with him flatters his ego and gives him the strength to move on. And it will make you weaker and only make you fall in love with this guy even more!
A person who, after parting, looks quite cheerful, has an advantage and survives the breakup of a relationship much easier than someone who cries and mopes. This is a psychological advantage. So if you keep a happy face and have a lot of fun without ever letting your ex-boyfriend know how much pain you have inside, then you can confidently move on and be able to forget him very quickly! By taking the right path, you are entitled to freedom and a new life. And very soon you will wake up with the feeling that you are the happiest person in the world!
Talk 0
Similar content
If you tell yourself that you can’t live without a guy, then you are attached to him, but what if you don’t have a relationship with him, but you can’t live without him? That's right, the guy needs to be psychologically untied from himself, but this is not easy to do, but necessary.
WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT A GUY
If thoughts come into your head that life without a boyfriend has lost its meaning and more and more thoughts of the bad come, then do not hesitate, contact a psychotherapist, he will help you with the help of special trainings, and you will feel lightness and calmness in life, and the guy will stand on background among your new life potentials and friends. We recommend that you read
Never, under any circumstances, start taking alcoholic beverages in order to drown out your thoughts that you cannot live without a guy, this will only aggravate your situation, and the guy you cannot live without, just once again make sure that he correctly decided to build his life without you. Why would he be an alcoholic or a drug addict. Better show him what success you have achieved, what a good new man you have, and what the best family you have, and for this you need to try.
It is very effective to get rid of the thoughts that you cannot live without a man, a new romance with a completely new man helps. Let it be temporary, even if you do not see your life with a new man, still courting you, communicating with him, meeting and so on will help you forget the past and start building the future. With a new romance, you will gain new vivid impressions, and you will begin to look at past relationships from the dark side and understand how you, in general, could have a relationship with a man like the past.
|
|
It is very important in this situation not to forget about your loved ones, because they love you, and do not take those steps that will make them cry. Do not be like scoundrels, love your relatives and think not only about yourself, but also about them. And more importantly, a new, beautiful and very kind man who will love you more than ever, and the family will be the envy of many girlfriends. Remember, you won't know until you try, so try to build yourself a new and clean family life with new good people.
