”, as well as in other publications dedicated to the return of a man. If you wish, you can read these and, in connection with which, I will not hit retrospective and go directly to the topic of this article.
Despite the fact that the topic of the guy’s return was quite deeply disclosed by me, I never cease to meet in the comments and in the course of consultations the same type of questions, which boil down to the following - how to break the contact if the guy himself does not want to break it, and his own proposal, given at the break - "let's remain friends", understands literally. That is, he continues to be “friends” in the full sense of the word, causing the girl an unbearable heartache. Quite naturally, the girl has questions: “Why does he behave this way?”, “How to behave in such a situation?”.
These are the two questions I will try to answer in this article.
In general, this behavior of a guy can be the following main explanations:
First option: The girl has ceased to interest him as a life partner, but continues to be interesting (needed) to him as a person / business partner / fellow student / friend of the opposite sex, etc.
Second option: The guy does not want to let the girl out of the "orbit" of his influence. This can be caused, as well as a sense of ownership, and a primitive desire to leave "in reserve".
Third option: In fact, the guy left the girl only with an “educational purpose” and intends to “make happy” her with his return in the near future, after which, in his opinion, she will already be “like silk”.
There may be other options, as well as combinations of the listed options (they are quite common). I will add that among the many situations that I have encountered in practice, the Second option prevails by a large margin, followed by the First, and only then the Third.
If we look at all this from the point of view of the chances of returning the guy, then the first option is the most promising, and the least promising is the second.
I will not explain why the priorities lined up this way, since this will have to be written in a separate article. In addition, it is far from always possible to determine for which of the reasons mentioned the guy behaves one way or another. In this connection, it is pointless to go deep and theorize about this wire, and these circumstances do not have a significant impact on the behavior of the girl in terms of the return of the guy.
As I have already, the main advice for girls after a guy has left them is to break off contacts. However, this is not a dogma, but simply the easiest and least painful way to give time to do its job. Agree, it is very difficult to maintain composure while in contact with an ex-boyfriend. In the same way, it is difficult to demonstrate the changes that have taken place in you, since the dynamics of these changes is not so noticeable, and, finally, it is very difficult to think when the irritant is constantly in front of your eyes, and even wants to make contact.
All this together makes the girl hope that if not today, then tomorrow, everything will return to normal and she can only faithfully look at her former lover, break down at his every call or call, and show with all her appearance: “I’m only waiting you". This approach significantly reduces the chances of a relationship being restored.
The fact is that a guy who breaks off relations not only breaks up with a girl in fact, but also punishes her for wrong behavior (brain removal / demands for excessive attention / pathological jealousy, etc.). This action (punishment) is not fully conscious, but rather "compensatory".
I'll try to explain with an example. Suppose a parent punishes a child for some misconduct. Inevitably, after the completion of the punishment, the parent doubts whether he was just in relation to his offspring and whether the degree of punishment exceeds the severity of the offense committed. In this case, almost the only criterion for evaluation is the reaction of the child. If a child shows with all his appearance that he is guilty, demonstrates ingratiating behavior and endlessly asks to forgive him, this is perceived by the parent as an unambiguous confirmation of the correctness of the punishment and its adequacy to the committed offense. If the child actively expresses disagreement with the punishment and snaps, or fights in hysterics, begging not to punish him, then this only provokes increased aggression on the part of the parent.
But if the child silently accepts the punishment and agrees with it without any reservations or objections, the situation changes radically. For example:
- I forbid you to play on the computer until the end of the week! Do you understand?!!!
- Yes I understand.
- Do you really understand why?
— Yes, I understood exactly.
After that, the child leaves and sits down to read a book or do something that is not forbidden to him under the terms of punishment. He does not announce a boycott and continues to answer questions or requests from his parents politely and calmly, without demonstrating a “killed state”, without sobbing or smashing his head against the wall from indefatigable grief, but at the same time, he does not jump for joy. Let's just say it behaves very smoothly.
What is the parent thinking? “Perhaps I acted too harshly. It couldn't be like that. After all, he is, in fact, a good fellow. Well, now he's mad at me. Apparently I was still unfair. We need to find a way out somehow." As you can see, a little more and the parent begins to feel guilty, after which he tries to establish contact with his offspring.
When a guy leaves you because of your misbehavior in a relationship, everything goes approximately the same way as described above, with the only difference that the guy needs much more time to realize his “as if guilt” than in the case of a parent with child.
That is, the key condition is not breaking contacts as such, not ignoring the guy (this should not be done in any case), but namely accepting the break and maintaining self-control. Thus, if for some reason a guy tries to keep in touch with you himself or you are forced to run into him during work, school or something else, then your task is to demonstrate by your behavior that you have come to terms with the breakup. This alone can push him to take steps towards you. But if you don’t draw the proper conclusions about your behavior, don’t change, don’t show restraint and don’t stick to it, but simply joyfully throw yourself on his neck beside yourself with gratitude, you will immediately return the situation to the starting point - to a break in relations.
FROM THE AUTHOR: My responses in the comments are the opinion of a private individual, and not the recommendation of a specialist. I try to answer everyone without exception, but unfortunately I don’t physically have time to study long stories, analyze them, ask questions about them and then answer in detail, and I also don’t have the opportunity to accompany your situations, because this requires a huge amount of free time, and I have very little of it.
In this regard, I kindly ask you to ask specific questions on the topic of the article, do not expect that I will advise in the comments or accompany your situation.
Of course, you can ignore my request (which many do), but in this case, be prepared for the fact that I may not answer you. This is not a matter of principle, but exclusively of time and my physical capabilities. Don't be offended.
If you want to receive qualified assistance, please contact me for advice, and I will devote my time and knowledge to you with full dedication.
With respect and hope for understanding, Frederica
Reading time: 2 min
The psychology of men is a rather primitive thing, according to many representatives of the beautiful half of humanity. But in thinking this way, they are making a huge mistake. Men are not ordinary, but specific. They do not like to complicate and create problems from scratch. In general, the strong half behaves in a completely different way in comparison with women. Therefore, understanding all the subtleties of the structure of the psychology of men will allow the weaker sex to build more effective models of relationships with husbands, friends, bosses, sons, and just a random environment. In most cases, the sons of Adam, regardless of belonging to a certain age group or social group, even in adulthood remain children, only their hobbies become larger and they can afford much more, while remaining at heart as vulnerable as childhood.
The psychology of men is such that only outwardly they are overly self-confident, persistent and unshakable. However, this is a mask. Many women are lost in the assumptions why they do not develop relationships with the male sex, not realizing that when communicating they take the mask for reality, as a result of which they make many mistakes that the male sex does not forgive. It has long been customary to call men the stronger sex. They deserved such a title only because of their physical advantage over women, and mentally they are less strong than the beautiful half. Often the female gender does not understand that the gentlemen who accompany them through life can also be vulnerable and vulnerable, need tenderness and care.
Often, each of the representatives of the human race sins by trying to interpret another individual through the prism of himself. In other words, human nature is such that each subject ascribes to another character traits that he himself has, or a model of behavior in certain situations that is inherent in him. And when the other begins to behave in a different way, it seems to the individual that they are not valued. But in reality, the other individual only expresses sympathy, agreement or disagreement in a different way.
People often lack the opportunity to look at situations from an alternative perspective or “other eyes”. Women in difficult situations do not put themselves in the place of their husbands, but only suggest what they need to do. At the same time, they completely forget about personal individuality and many other related factors. Naturally, the average husband, who does not have the gift of reading women's thoughts, acts in a completely different way. This is how women's grievances against the representatives of the stronger sex are born, who absolutely do not understand them. Such an approach, of course, has a negative impact on the relationship between the sexes and on their mutual understanding in general.
To understand the psychology of men, it is necessary to divide the entire male brotherhood into certain types. Any "normal" representative of the stronger sex strives to achieve some goal known to him. It is important for some to provide evidence to others of their own significance, others strive to become the center of any team, absolutely everyone likes it, others lust for power, fourths see their goal in helping others, and fifths, on the contrary, are used to only taking, giving nothing in return.
Psychology of men or how to understand a man?
This is probably strange, but even when the children of Adam and Eve speak the same language, they still do not understand each other. And the point is not in the used declensions, endings, suffixes, pronouns and prefixes, but in the different expression of one's own opinions and experiences. An example of this is the retelling of an ordinary children's fairy tale, heard from the lips of a boy and uttered by a girl. The big difference between their stories will be immediately noticeable.
If the basics of male communication and female language were taught in school lessons, many conflicts between the sexes could be avoided.
For men, actions are the main thing, while for the female part - the inner world and emotions. While the strong half is thinking about the accomplishment of a world revolution, the weak part of the population is figuring out a new culinary masterpiece, supposed for dinner. When the solution to a complex production problem is spinning in his brain, her head is crammed with all sorts of options for losing weight as soon as possible. Women tend to think more concretely and narrowly than men. The strong half often does not notice scattered socks, dirty dishes and cobwebs in the corners, in turn, the weak half notices any mess in an instant and she instantly has a decision on how to fix everything. It follows from this that since women cannot understand the representatives of the stronger sex with their minds, then one should not project their own worldview onto them.
We must accept the fact that there is a psychological difference between men and women. It is necessary to reconcile with this postulate and not to dispute it in vain. Often, most ladies take dissimilarity for unwillingness to build relationships fruitfully. Men are mostly straightforward. For the most part, they themselves do not know how to hint and do not understand hints.
If you set a goal, then male behavior becomes very understandable. The stronger sex calls brown eyes - brown, and the blue dress - blue, while the weaker half believes that she has golden-brown eyes, and the dress is the color of the deep sea. Men don't mix concrete concepts with emotions. They are economists by nature - they are used to saving time and internal reserves.
Representatives of the stronger sex do not have telepathic abilities, so you should not be offended by the chosen ones who did not give a bouquet of flowers, which the charmer so dreamed of. Another fact from male psychology is their inability to read minds. Male individuals are simply not trained in telepathy, as a result of which they cannot guess about female dreams and requests. Therefore, if the ladies want to achieve something from their gentlemen or ordinary colleagues, they should talk about it to the representatives of the stronger half, and preferably more than ten times, so that they will definitely understand. You need to demand what you want from men and not be shy. The main condition is a calm and confident tone so that a man can realize that the subject of conversation is very important for a woman, as a result of which he will satisfy the “request” with pleasure.
How to understand a man? Male psychology tells us that male individuals simply cannot stand being commanded. It is not necessary to tell the sons of Adam what and when, how they need to do some work. It will be enough just to determine your own point of view.
In addition, men are very pressured by the boundaries into which society has driven them. The male part of the population should always conform to three myths:
The strong half never cries, because tears are the lot of weak girls;
The strong half must always remain serious;
In any case, the strong half must remain strong.
A man is, first of all, a living being, not a robot. He cannot react in accordance with rules invented by no one knows. Therefore, men also cry. And there is nothing unnatural or shameful in their tears. Also, men don't always have to be serious. Representatives of the stronger half should be accepted as real, that is, as they really are, and not be adjusted to the limits contrived by society. In addition, the excessive seriousness of a partner, work colleagues, relatives quickly tires, as a result of which they try to avoid such people as far as possible. Also, men are simply not physically able to always be strong spiritually. They also have bad days. And at a difficult moment, they expect support, not the phrase: “Be a man!”. Do not forget that the sons of Adam are also endowed with a heart and a soul. They also have the right to experience and express emotions.
Any man is characterized by the presence of certain requirements for a partner. And if their "wishes" are brought together in accordance with male psychology, then we get a very monotonous set of requirements.
The psychology of men in relations with women is manifested in a certain set of ideas about a companion, about her behavioral manifestations and appearance. If a woman spends a little of her own time to deal with the uncomplicated mental organization of men, then by doing so she will gain a golden key that unlocks the cherished door hidden by a happy relationship.
First, the mental activity of male individuals is quite straightforward and absolutely concrete. As a result of this feature, it is difficult for men to keep up with the high-speed flow of women's thoughts. Representatives of the strong half are more interested in the essence of things. Every sentence you say should have a practical meaning. Water in conversations can drive men crazy.
Many ladies are trying to find a hidden meaning in any male action and are systematically engaged in self-digging, which leads to confusion in relationships. It will be more effective not to analyze all male actions, but to deal with the needs of the chosen one and help him implement them in life.
In principle, male and female needs are similar to each other, but there are a number of differences that lead to confrontation in relationships. For the emotional health of the representatives of the strong half of the population, a sense of self-worth is vital. And their professional fulfillment and financial security play an important role in this. Money inspires confidence in men. It is important for the male sex to feel like a breadwinner. In addition, men achieve self-confidence through a variety of hobbies and hobbies. Therefore, it is recommended that women do their best to encourage male hobbies. Men's interests should not be banned, they can only be slightly directed in the right direction. For example, from computer games to fishing. Interests help the stronger sex to restore their own mental strength or find opportunities to express their own emotions. It must be understood that personal interests are personal territory, entry to which is prohibited without knocking.
Men are very greedy for flattery and slightly conceited. These are their weaknesses, but everyone has weaknesses. Therefore, women should learn to turn to their advantage. To do this, you need to occasionally emphasize his competence, quick wit, sense of humor and intelligence. And, besides, it is recommended not to spare a word of gratitude for men.
Representatives of the stronger sex need confidence in their own ability to find ways out of any situation. This gives them a sense of their importance. Significance for the stronger sex is often of key importance in achieving global goals. Therefore, the weak half is recommended to learn to give significance to their spouses in order to feel with them as if behind a stone wall. A man, rewarded with his other half of significance, will delight his chosen one again and again with new achievements and gifts!
The psychology of a man in love lies in his need for support from his partner and love. And especially they need physical love, thanks to which they feel fulfilled. Often, emotional male depression indicates a violation of any means of receiving love. Therefore, it is required to find out what ways of showing love a man needs in order to pay special attention to them.
Men, although they are considered the strong half of the population, they also need a sense of security and want to feel their own belonging. As a result of belonging to a social group, the representatives of the stronger sex feel safer and can climb the career ladder, earn respect and admiration. In order for psychological health to be normal, it is important for men to successfully cooperate with the environment. And the respect of society provides the male sex with proof of their decent life.
It is important for Eve's daughters to learn to thank their own partners for their successes, achievements and admire strategic steps.
The male gender respects honesty in the weak half. They need their loved ones to answer all their interrogative statements honestly and confidently, to truthfully voice their own desires and needs, without wagging and hints.
The sons of Adam are fans of self-confident ladies and self-sufficient individuals. Men are attracted like a magnet by active young ladies and independent ladies who have personal interests and their own circle of friends. Men dream that their spouse combines confidence along with tenderness, care and independence, intelligence and humor. They are fond of versatile women who are able to change externally and spiritually, demonstrate various facets of their own character and personality.
Representatives of the stronger sex hate manipulation in relationships. They are simply too lazy to try to guess the "signals" of their companion. They dream of a calm and simple relationship, a relationship in which the soul rests.
The male sex believes that ladies should want to develop personally and take responsibility for their own worries and emotions. The strong half admires young ladies who know how to laugh at themselves and allow themselves to make mistakes.
Although there is an opinion that there are no faithful representatives of the stronger sex, men themselves demand fidelity in relationships. They want to communicate and live with a woman, while not worrying that she has a crowd of admirers with whom she flirts and makes eyes at them. Men need sincere relationships.
Thus, the ideal companion in the harsh male life is a universal woman. However, it should not be universal for the entire male population, but for one particular man.
The stronger sex does not show their own feelings openly. The male part of the population prefers business. It is easier for them to fulfill all the whims of their beloved, so long as they do not express their love. It is difficult for men to sincerely talk about feelings.
Psychology of a man in love.
A man in love in the presence of an object of love becomes shy, even being a leader by nature. The main signal demonstrating the presence of feelings in a representative of a strong field is a long look directed towards the object of feelings. If a man feels exclusively passion for a lady, then his behavior will be different. With surging lust, the representative of the male part of the population becomes more arrogant and assertive in dealing with the object of passion. His postures and gestures are dominated by slight aggressiveness. All his actions are aimed at invading the personal space of the young lady. A man inflamed with passion constantly tries to hug a woman.
A man should feel like a conqueror, so they do not like "sticky" young ladies. Excessive assertiveness will only frighten and repel them.
The psychology of men in love is such that such behavior will only cause resistance to approaching such a “warrior”. Therefore, girls are advised to keep a distance, to remain a secret that you want to open. A man is a hunter, as a result of which he is interested in prey "on a silver platter" exclusively as a one-time meal.
The psychology of men in relations with women is characterized by a rapid cooling of the first to the second. The strong half is simply unable to keep its own interest in one object for a long time. And therefore, women need to learn how to intrigue the chosen ones, without fully revealing themselves to them. An inaccessible girl is always attractive to the stronger sex. After all, it was not for nothing that the gentlemen of the past were capable of reckless actions for the sake of one glance of the chosen one. Thanks to chastity, the beauties of the Middle Ages forced men to commit serious deeds. A woman, even after marriage, is not recommended to reveal her own thoughts and innermost secrets to her husband. Representatives of the weaker sex need to hide a mystery no matter what. After all, thanks to her, the routine of everyday life and the dullness of life will never enter into married life.
The psychology of men in love goes through three phases of love. The first phase begins in a period when the relationship itself does not yet exist, and is a state of falling in love.
Male psychology at this phase, provokes the representatives of the stronger sex to try to interest and surprise the chosen one. Men in a state of love are accompanied by a constant change of mood - it seems to be flying with happiness, then it is tormented by uncertainty. Most attempts to make the right impression on the fair sex end in failure, which gives rise to emotional problems and barriers. A man, until he wins the final victory, will be unsure of his own abilities.
The second phase begins at the moment when the relationship becomes "official". Confidence grows by leaps and bounds. At this phase, the foundation is laid for the further behavior of men in relationships. He unconsciously evaluates the boundaries of what is permitted, and establishes the territory of his own freedom and power.
The third phase is the state of the loving individual. Often this phase comes to family relationships. The experiences of men are the same as in the first phase, but hidden deep in the subconscious.
Although the psychology of a man in love differs from that of a woman, it is quite easy to understand.
The male half of the population, especially the one that excites women's hearts, is, as luck would have it, bound by marriage. Therefore, women periodically establish relationships with “married women”.
Psychologists say that the representative of the stronger sex, who loves his own wife, will not commit adultery. He will not risk happiness, built up by years of living together, for the sake of momentary pleasure. At married man the desire to protect the family, to preserve the usual way of life and relationships prevails. Contrary to stereotypes, most married men are conservatives. Loving man one wife is enough. The prospect of entering into a new relationship, building relationships anew, getting used to the "overshoots" of a new girlfriend, changing the established order of life that you love does not inspire, often even scares.
The psychology of a married man is such that most non-free representatives will hide the presence of a wife until they fall for a lie or a woman sees through his lie. When a married man is pressed, he reluctantly admits that he is bound by marriage, but he will present his marriage as something insignificant. Basically, representatives of the stronger sex hide the fact of their lack of freedom solely for selfish reasons. After all, the young lady he likes may not agree to spend time in the company of married men. If a representative of the strong half does not hide the fact of having a wife or accidentally let slip about his marriage, then later he will mention his wife in such a tone as if she is a distant relative or an inanimate creature in general, an annoying nuisance that interferes with having a good time.
This behavior is quite understandable. After all, men appreciate a calm and measured life, devoid of scandals. Such a "silence" relieves him of the hassle and is convenient for everyone. However, don't be fooled. No matter how a man talks about his wife, she does not cease to be her. A wife may be boring and unloved, but in the life of every married man she occupies a rightful essential place.
Why is a married man looking for an intimate relationship on the side? Psychologists have identified a number of the most common reasons:
Men often believe that the wife has ceased to understand him, and therefore they are looking for understanding on the side. Often it is more important for men to understand their subtle mental organization, and not intimacy;
The man is tired of the constant scandals and showdowns arranged by his wife, he wants to take a break from her steady discontent and "sour" facial expression;
A man dreams of diversity in his own intimate life;
If there is a baby in the family, then the man is simply tired of constant lack of sleep and crying, of the inattention of his wife;
If a man entered into marriage on a “flight” or because it is necessary, and he himself has not yet matured for marriage, then freedom and communication with young ladies will beckon him. After all, there are so many beautiful ladies around, but he can’t, he is married. This "injustice" causes resentment for life and provokes a strong half into extramarital relationships.
In addition, relationships on the side are completely satisfied for a man, no matter from which side you look at them. He successfully plays the social role of husband and head of the family. And the presence of a young mistress only adds to his status in the eyes of friends. After all, this is an indirect argument proving his masculine and material viability.
Also, marital relations bring not only delicious borscht and a warm bed, but also certain obligations shared with the spouse. Therefore, often, after coming home from work after a hard day at work, men want to relax, and not plunge into a pile of family problems that require an immediate solution. Naturally, this does not cause a romantic mood. As a result, the strong half is not so strong. Instead of trying to find a way out vicious circle, because the wife is also hard, men find an easier option - communication on the side.
Most ladies are interested in the question: why do men return after parting? Psychology says that they have many reasons to return to their previous relationship. After all, even if a representative of the stronger sex in public demonstrates indifference, this does not mean that he has peace in his soul. It is generally accepted that the stronger sex is thick-skinned, so the gap is much easier to bear than the ladies. This opinion is completely untrue. Men can also have a hard time breaking up with their beloved, they just don’t show their own emotions or drown them at the bottom of their glasses.
The primary and main task of men after the breakup of a relationship is to hide their true state. They are trying by all means to prove to the environment their indifference about what happened. Therefore, often outwardly they become even more cheerful and cheerful. He expresses his sadness in his striving:
get drunk;
More often to be in noisy companies;
Have fun;
Find an extreme hobby like motocross;
Seduce as many naive female "fools" as possible;
Start a one night relationship.
Why do men return after a breakup? Psychology says that there may be several reasons for this.
In the first turn, the strong half becomes uncomfortable to be without ex girlfriend, because it turns out that in his life the role of the chosen one is quite large. Secondly, truth, as we know, is born in comparison. A man usually, having parted with his girlfriend, instantly plunges into a new relationship. And it often happens that the former lady of the heart turns out to be more intelligent, balanced, cheerful, honest than the current one. Thirdly, males often need a certain amount of time to realize the depth of their own feelings for a former girlfriend.
Also, the reason for the return can be a banal jealousy for new men in the life of a former passion. Often, the representatives of the stronger sex refer to former girlfriends as an object that, even after the lapse of time, remains their property. Therefore, when a new young man appears in the life of a girl, the former chosen one is ready to conquer her again.
In addition, men can return "home" when they work up. Being free, of course, is great, but I want the same care, warmth, affection and comfort. 
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Probably, there is no such person in whose life there has not been at least one parting, when one of two close (not so long ago) people, with or without reason, suddenly or quite deliberately stopped meetings, communication, life together. The most common situation...
Why can't men break up?
Probably, there is no such person in whose life there has not been at least one parting, when one of two close (not so long ago) people, with or without it, suddenly or quite deliberately stopped meetings, communication, life together. The most common situation.
After some period of a rather sweet relationship, the man suddenly disappears - he avoids meetings, ignores sms and does not answer calls. Why can't men break up? Is it really that hard to tell someone to their face that a relationship is over? If you do not meet - she will understand everything? Is it really in memory of the relationship that was between them (even if it was only a week), a man can’t just say, they say, I’m sorry, but we don’t fit together ?! It is painfully difficult for the vast majority of men to draw a line in a civilized relationship. Simply because it is difficult for them to understand the reasons for their decision.
It is not possible for men to leave. Well, an ordinary (one might say - typical) man cannot invite a girl to a romantic dinner and, after dessert, honestly admit that everything has passed for him. So he uses a hackneyed reception - he stops ringing. Or trying to create an environment in which the relationship itself comes to naught.
Another situation. The girl leaves. Perhaps, with varying degrees of delicacy, he even tries to make it softer, more painless ... However, there is a strong point of view that ending a relationship is the privilege of the stronger sex. It is not difficult to understand all the negativity that arises in the heart of a man after this stereotype is violated. After all, parting is inevitably associated with a sense of personal failure. These experiences disturb the established sense of comfort so much that men seek to radically resolve the situation. I want to tear, throw and hate. But the question is, who? Myself? Is it worth it? You already feel bad. Hatred and self-torture only exacerbate the situation. Her?
A nightmarish mixture of love and hate can destroy any destiny. Opponent? Do you think that there must always be a rival? This is far from the most popular reason for a woman to leave. It would seem that the man simply has no other choice. Either despise yourself, or pout at her, or curse the situation, or hate the opponent, who, as it turns out, does not always really exist. If you think primitively, then no matter what reason a man considers, in the end, he will blame the woman for everything. So an avalanche of dirt, obscenity, vulgarity and threats pours out on her in response. Or the other extreme - an endless stream of tearful calls mixed with assurances of love, requests to return and an oath promise to hang yourself under the windows. A negative attitude towards a woman has a certain therapeutic effect on an abandoned man.
Love, because of which all his problems, is gradually etched away. But is it the best way out? If a woman initiated a breakup, is it worth being offended by her for this? Perhaps she left you because she had no other choice? Why do men not know how to part beautifully, so that the girlfriend herself regrets the separation, and does not rejoice about the timely break? In modern consciousness, the opinion has been established that a modern man must be calm and self-confident, and all his actions are aimed at achieving a goal. It sounds like a paradox, but women are more attracted to men who know how to break up. Who behave like adults, mature people. Who are able to speak frankly about their feelings and perceive the arguments of the opponent.
Most women perceive such a man as a man who knows what he wants and where he is going, that is, as a real man. Of course, there are men, as well as women, who know how to part. Everything largely depends on upbringing, on the temperament of the person himself, on how strong the feelings were. You can part with gratitude simply for the fact that you had a relationship with a once beloved person in your life, without experiencing either hatred, resentment, or anger ... You should part with love. After all, parting is a kind of outcome in the relationship of two, once mutually loving people.
Behavior of a man after a breakup
Relationships are difficult, unless of course these are real relationships, and not a fairy tale story. Therefore, sometimes feelings give a crack and partings occur. What is the behavior of men after a breakup? Let's try to figure this out.
As paradoxical as it may sound, men are more emotionally similar to women than you might think. It’s just that their emotions are less likely to break out and are more often stored inside. It is more difficult for a man to open up to another person (it is more difficult to admit his weakness), therefore, outwardly, they sometimes behave more easily after parting. Let's look at several types of behavior.
The first type of behavior. Boomerang.
As they say, sometimes they come back. Men are generally incomprehensible creatures and sometimes, after parting, they continue to call and try to start a new relationship, not paying much attention to women's disagreement, they continue to achieve. And sometimes this happens, even after the break was initiated by himself.
The second type of behavior I don't need you, I easily found a replacement.
As it is not difficult to guess, this happens when former man literally on the “next day” after parting, he finds himself a new girlfriend (as a rule, what turned up). This does not mean that his feelings disappeared at the same moment, just a man needs protection, he needs confirmation of his status as a male. He just needs someone to be around.
The third type of behavior. Magpie on the tail brought.
As everyone knows, men are even bigger gossips than women. And if a woman and her ex are in the same social circle, then suddenly she may find out that someone is spreading dirty rumors. This someone, of course, is her ex, and I must say that this is very vile. In this case, this is not just a fear of losing one's face as a man (although he is not worthy of this name), but also a petty revenge and dirty tricks. The person is just trying to annoy and expose himself as a victim.
The fourth type of behavior. Respect and serenity.
One can only dream of such behavior of a man after parting. This is, as they say, “parted as friends”, in this case, after the breakup, there was no man - as a partner in a relationship, but a great friend appeared who understands and supports. And sometimes it's much better than a relationship. As a rule, this indicates internal maturity.
Fifth type of behavior. Unfamiliar people.
This is the case when, after parting, people suddenly realize that there was nothing in common between them, in a relationship. Then the man behaves like a stranger, there are no calls, no gossip, no friendship, communication is reduced to a minimum. In this case, one can only regret that there were such relationships, because they are very different people and nothing connected them in life.
Of course, these are not all types of behavior, because in fact every breakup is unique. These are just general examples and common features. Also, the reasons for parting are not taken into account at all, and they also have a strong influence on the behavior of a man after a breakup.
Xenia Ivanova
So, how to stay just friends with a man?
How to do it?
First, you need to make it clear to the man that they want friendship from him, and not something else.
That is, you need to talk to him and explain that he is only interested as a friend, that he is not suitable as a future spouse.
Do not go into details, do not humiliate his manhood.
Suffice it to say that he's just not your type, for example. To say that you really appreciate his kindness, eloquence, etc.
Of course, there is a chance that after these words of yours, the man will simply turn around and leave. Such an option is also possible. But there is a chance that he will agree with such a situation and really become a friend to you.
You will call back, chat, perhaps go somewhere together, and such relations will be friendly. That is, there will be no hints of a future life together and intimacy. Here you clearly outline your position. At the same time, stop flirting with him, refrain from gestures that a man can regard ambiguously. Do not dress enticingly around him and try to behave more modestly with him.
That is, translate the relationship into the category of friendship. Almost like a girlfriend, one might say, treat.
The same men who do not like the role of a friend will turn around and simply leave you. And you don't have to take it personally. Since all people are different and you can not keep absolutely everyone around you.
Therefore, if a man makes such a decision, then you should not blame him for it. Some will stay with you, some won't. And this is absolutely normal.
Friendship means mutual pastime, mutual support. Of those men who agree to become your friends, it is unlikely that all of them will become friends in the full sense of the word.
Most will simply go into the category of friends with whom you periodically call back, periodically communicate at the “hi-bye” level. It's quite normal.
Or do you want to be friends with absolutely every man you've ever crossed paths with? I don’t understand why you need all this male harem? The fact that some of the men will leave forever is completely normal, so be it.
Therefore, I advise a woman in such a situation to just talk to a man, explain the situation, but leave the choice to him. As he decides, so be it.
There are situations when, after a seemingly already clarified relationship and, as they say, an “official” separation, people still continue to meet. As a rule, they mainly do it for sex, but sometimes interpersonal communication, little by little, becomes a common thing for them. At the same time, no development, no explanations, confessions or trials happen - just a semblance of a sluggish relationship. And everything would be fine when both clearly know and understand why everything happened this way.
But more often it happens that it is the man who first becomes the initiator of the break, and then the same initiator of these meetings. The woman can only guess: “What is happening now?” Moreover, this man can simultaneously "walk" with someone else or start dating a new passion. That's when the misunderstanding on the part of the female begins to grow: “What, why, why and how to perceive this at all? Is he still in love or is he moving by inertia? Why does he need these meetings? Does such a relationship have any future?”, and many, many more questions.
What can move a man in such situations, how to perceive it and what to do with it - let's try to figure it out.
One of the first reasons can be a feeling of loneliness and emptiness, which overwhelms a person after a break in a long relationship. If you dig deep and globally, then a man no longer wants to live with this woman and make plans for the future with her, but he cannot take it and get rid of her physically at once. Especially if everything was in order in intimate life. Interpersonal conflict is one thing, but physical attraction is another. In such cases, the further development of events occurs 50 to 50% - either the couple converges again, because someone is working on their mistakes, changing something in themselves, or these meetings gradually fade away until one of the partners appears new person and new feelings.
The second reason is a certain “immaturity” of a man, especially if he is still young. It happens that a young person has not really had time yet, has not understood, has not tried what real feelings are, how serious feelings are built and developed, etc. Then he himself does not understand what he feels for a woman: and there is apparently no special depth and awe, but, on the other hand, as for the female sex, the sexual attraction is strong. It may not be very interesting for him to officially meet on an ongoing basis, to have some obligations to a partner, to live in everyday life, for example. But having, spending time together without obligations is very convenient. That is why he continues to reach out to his former companion - he likes to be with this woman, he has a good time, but no claims, responsibility, showdown - okay? Fine! You can also think about your feelings 10 times yourself, delve into yourself about love and other things, try to communicate with other girls. Such a young man is simply not yet fully aware of his feelings, cannot understand that another person can also have experiences and feelings, does not want to take elementary responsibility, acts as it is easier. But this is not because he is bad or deliberately conceived it, he just “has not grown up” yet - mentally, morally ... He does it by itself.
But men of the third type have just “ripened” for a long time and are perfectly aware of how they behave. First of all, such a man is guided by his own convenience and his own benefit from such communication - whether moral, sexual, and sometimes even material and household or something else. And he acts prudently and, in general, very coolly. In some situations, such a man does not want to lose what is pleasant to him, constant and, as it turns out, always available. In others, he is sorry to part with the "nanny" or "vest", who will always listen, feed, understand. In some, he understands that there are convenient contacts between you, useful mutual acquaintances, or there is still an opportunity to get some help from you, which as a result does not give him the opportunity to completely leave your life.
Fourth men are simply afraid of responsibility. Someone latently worries that after a period of official meetings they will have to get married, especially when the age is not childish and for both this will be a logical continuation of a serious relationship. And he, perhaps, is scared and incomprehensible what to do with it, how to behave, so it was easier to retreat, but some feelings continue to pull him to this particular woman again. And someone understands for sure that the logical continuation of the relationship is only or a child, which is not included in his plans, but sex and a good time are just what you need, and you don’t have to go through the options and look for someone new, when you have what you always liked at hand.
So if you find yourself in this kind of situation, try to analyze which of all this could be the reason for your partner's behavior. In accordance with this, you yourself will be able to decide how to behave and what to do. Maybe some time will pass, and your man will understand that he cannot live without you, and you will be together again. Or maybe he will be very comfortable in such a relationship and will fool five more of the same girls. Of course, if this state of affairs suits you and it is so convenient for you, then it’s good. But it happens that you still have feelings for a man, there is some hope and you really don’t want to be simply used. So think, look and act accordingly. In the end, sometimes it’s better to go on a “hard” break yourself and look at the actions of a man, thereby checking whether the person really values you or just follows the knurled path.
If you broke up a long time ago, but your ex-boyfriend still continues to communicate with you, you may be wondering why he behaves this way. There may be more reasons for this behavior than it seems at first glance.
So why is your ex-boyfriend continues to communicate with you? Guys, just like girls, can stay in touch with their exes for years for a variety of reasons. Here are 5 of the most common ones:
This is one of the most common reasons a guy keeps in touch with his ex-girlfriend. In this case, he is most likely aware of his feelings for you, but he may not acknowledge them for fear of being rejected again. In addition, there is a possibility that he secretly hopes to change your attitude towards himself in order to return back.
Pay attention to how he behaves when other men are around you or when you tell him about the guy you started dating. Does he seem overly agitated or confused, or is he trying in some way to change your behavior? If the answer is yes, then it may mean that he is still head over heels in love with you.
Perhaps your ex is no longer going to live under your heel, but still finds you "hot stuff". So why shouldn't he still stay in touch with you? The reason is simple; most guys claim to hang out with their ex-girlfriends just in case. They do not rule out the possibility that someday they will start dating you again in the future, when he or you will get lonely.
It's no secret that many women do the same. Nobody likes to be alone, so most people are more likely to agree to their ex-partner's suggestion that they spend an evening alone together.
However, such an act may not be a good idea and stir up too many experiences from the past. If you are thinking about dating your ex, then first think about the reasons for the breakup and what your previous meetings led to. Secondly, it is also important to think about what will happen if you are again convinced that there is nothing for you to do together.
Having mutual friends can be a big problem for most breakup couples. Hanging out with them can make a breakup completely unbearable, as you constantly run the risk of running into your ex at a friendly party or hearing stories about him from your mutual friends.
However, after some time has passed, many ex-couples find that they can and would like to continue to be friends, especially if they have a common social circle.
Being friends with your ex in this situation doesn't necessarily mean he still has feelings for you or is interested in getting you back, so don't count on it too much.
If you broke up with your ex on good terms, and the romantic feelings really went down on both sides, then your ex can really become your close buddy.
If you also feel the same way, consider whether the two of you are actually okay with a physical relationship without commitment. If either of you still have feelings, sex with your ex might not be such a good idea.
Yes it is possible! There are actually really nice guys out there who really care about their exes so much and want to know how they feel after a breakup.
Many women would be very surprised to know that guys are quite sensitive. If you had a good emotional connection with him during your relationship, then there is a good chance that he will still want to take care of you. Even if he is no longer in love and is not attracted to you!
Guys can keep in contact with their exes for all sorts of reasons, but the main reason is most often that they are still interested in connecting with you in one form or another.
If you don't intend to date your ex, let him know in a way that doesn't hurt his feelings. However, if you are interested in resuming communication with him, be sure to weigh the pros and cons first.
Translation and adaptation: Marketium
