Any woman tries to do everything so that her husband feels good, is always well-groomed, fed, comes to a clean and comfortable house. And everyone thinks that she is doing everything so that he does not look at other women, he always tries to come home as soon as possible. And then, like snow on your head, you find out - your husband has another! How to deal with this situation, we will talk in this article.
For a woman, the betrayal of her husband, in terms of stress, takes second place (the first is the death of a loved one). And this news is really capable of knocking down a woman. Modern psychologists talk about four stages in the experience of adultery by a woman. But the duration of their passage is very individual. One woman can go through all the stages in a few months, while the other will go through one stage for several years.
In each case, the woman herself decides what to do, but the duration of her experiences also depends on what psychological step she now occupies.
Stage one is the calm before the big storm.
The woman refuses to believe that her husband, the closest person to her, could do such a mean thing to her. She begins to look for at least some clue that this is a mistake. There is a category of women stuck in this phase. They just don't want to see real evidence of infidelity. They simply cannot believe that they, who are so good, have been betrayed. Therefore, in this situation, even the most obscure male excuse can be accepted.
Men convicted of treason, rest to the last. They come up with the most stupid excuses. And as long as women want to believe in it, this will continue. In a relationship, it seems that everything is fine. It is difficult for women to realize this betrayal, sometimes quite a lot of time must pass. And a man eventually gets used to living in two families and begins to be very surprised when his wife enters the second stage.
The second stage is a hurricane.
Every person has a very deep, childlike fear of being abandoned. It is the betrayal of her husband that hits the woman with this fear. And many have a childish reaction to it. A woman is able to immerse herself in this childish state so much that she clings to her husband like a child to its mother, and cries: “I will not give you to anyone! Don't leave!"
The range of reactions of the child can be very wide. But basically the following sequence can be traced:
Tears.
-Withdrawal, refusal to contact.
-Anger, shouting out claims accumulated over the years.
Any person from childhood has his own way in which he solves his problems. That's why everyone works differently. Some women begin to throw tantrums and make claims, others cry under the covers, and still others, because they simply do not know how to react or be afraid, pretend that nothing is happening.
But the husband is not a parent. He reacts like a man. The very first reaction to the wife's tears is to calm her down. He will promise that "this was the last time", if only the woman would stop crying. With a probability of 80%, the husband will lie, because he only wants you to stop crying. But there is another option - a man can run away so as not to see the suffering of his wife.
A man reacts to pouting lips and defiant silence with a sense of guilt. And he may begin to give gifts in order to somehow atone for his guilt.
But if a woman screams and makes claims, then a man can leave, slamming the door, hit a woman (this is what the lowest representatives of the male gender do) and shout nasty things in response. After these scenes comes the third stage.
The third stage is negotiations.
When a woman finds the strength to return to the state of an adult, she begins to understand that she needs to “sit down at the negotiating table” in order to agree on how to live on. After all, the way it used to be will no longer be. Either you need to forgive this man and start life with him from scratch, or leave. Different women choose different ways of negotiating. Below are the most common.
Threats and blackmail by children, the material component of the family.
This method works very well if you need a man to remain officially in the family and just come home sometimes. But the psychology of a man is arranged in a completely different way, and he understands this in his own way. You tell him: “Either you leave her and be a good husband, or you go to her, but without anything.” And the man understands this as: "I will not leave, I will remain your husband in the eyes of everyone, but I will do what I want." A wife who begins to threaten, for a man, is deleted from his list of close people, and his attitude towards her becomes purely businesslike.
"wise" approach.
The wife begins to talk about feelings: "I'm ready to forgive you, but it hurts me." And he starts acting like he's taking a rank exam. ideal wife: delicious dinner, erotic massage. Well, how can a man not succumb? But the mistress does not sleep either - she is not ready to give her own. The man begins to feel like a very valuable prize and gradually becomes impudent. Today he is with one, because she pleased him more, and tomorrow with another. But for the most part, the use of such tactics leads to the fact that after some time the potency of the man weakens and he still remains in the family.
"Kindly".
You can say to your husband, “Darling, since you chose that woman, then go there and try. You are dear to me and I wish you happiness. And if you don’t succeed there, then you can return.” Very often a man takes the bait, packs up and runs to try a new "happy" life. And after a while, usually up to a year, he returns to his former family. According to statistics, only 10% of men stay with their mistresses.
"I don't want to know you!"
If a woman has high self-esteem, then she can immediately put an end to it. And in this case, a man can have 2 options for the reaction. In the first case, the traitor will again throw himself at the feet of his wife and will try in every possible way to win her over. In the second case, the man will consider that there is no love and never has been. So it is necessary to put an end to it.
"Go to all four sides!"
The wife smiles at her reflection in the mirror and says to herself: “Come what may!”. She internally releases her husband. For a cheating husband, the stage of humility is the most terrible. After all, there is practically no way to get your wife back from her. But here the law of meanness is triggered and at this moment the guilty husbands want to return to the family again ...
Life is very multifaceted and diverse. In fact, we do not know what can happen in a dream in a minute, in the next 5 seconds. But life goes on. There are various situations, pleasant and not very. A person does not always understand why this or that event occurs.
Having gone to school in cities like Chelyabinsk, Kurgan, Yekaterinburg, Novosibirsk, Tyumen, Ufa, Omsk, you will learn to better understand yourself and the people around you.
Wisdom to you, my dear, understanding and love!
Always yours, Irina Orda!
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A man and a woman, creating a family or deciding to live together, believe that their love will last for many years. But it happens that well-being comes to an end. There is a betrayal in the family, after which the life of the partners will never be the same. Not everyone manages to cope with the shock of the news of the betrayal of a partner. Then you need to seek the advice of a specialist and follow his advice. We will discuss the advice of a psychologist on how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, how to find the strength to live on.
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The news of the betrayal of a loved one is a shock. In the first minutes it seems that the world has turned upside down, further life does not make sense, and it is simply impossible to survive the situation. In such a state of mind it is impossible to undertake something serious. Try to take the first steps after the bad news to be the following:
After the first shock has passed, you can calmly think about further actions. A woman needs to decide what she really wants: to return an unfaithful spouse or to disperse, starting a new relationship. Psychologists advise talking to your husband about infidelity only after making a final decision.
The human body is designed in such a way that in stressful situations it mobilizes all forces to restore balance. Otherwise, you simply cannot survive.
In shock, a person's emotions are exacerbated, and the muscles of the body tense to the limit. Therefore, the first thing to do is to try to relax. I want to cry, sob out loud - do it. You can mourn the years of happiness spent together, your hopes and shattered dreams. Mourn betrayal and heartache caused by a loved one. If the wife cheated, then men should also cry. Although many strong representatives of humanity are ashamed of tears. Believe me, it's not worth it. Give vent to emotions, and it will become really easier, the first shock will pass.
I want to scream - scream. Try to breathe deeply and not hold back your emotions. People who are accustomed to holding back their emotions have many health problems in the future.
The deceived girls after the betrayal of their beloved go to their friends for advice. Remember that the decision must be made on your own, and it is better to just listen to the advice of your friends. And it doesn’t hurt to speak out to someone in order to relieve a tense state. It is important if at a difficult moment there are people who can support.
Change is the greatest stress. But even stress can be used to your advantage. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one and calm down? Use the following guidelines:
Before making a decision, try to still find out the true reason for the betrayal of a loved one.
From any, even the most difficult situation, there are always several ways out. Remember this, and do not despair at the most seemingly insoluble situation. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one, what can be done after the shock news?
When making a final decision, do not regret. Be content with what you have, otherwise there will be no internal agreement. There is a type of people who are simply not able to forgive the betrayal of a partner. If you are one of them, then you should not captivate yourself. Let go of the unfaithful loved one, and try to forget about him.
You should not fight for lost love if the partner says in plain text that he has stopped loving you. Maintain your self-respect. Even if you forgive your partner and stay together, the relationship is unlikely to be happy. Few men are able to appreciate women's forgiveness. Think about this before making your final decision.
It is worth fighting for a loved one if he admitted his mistake and wants to correct what happened.
Many men are lost at the sight of crying women. Therefore, there is no need to manipulate a man by holding him with tears, tantrums or threats. He will live with you for a while and start walking again.
It is important to understand that regardless of the decision, it is necessary to remember about yourself, to have at least a little, but self-respect. A person who does not love and respect himself is unlikely to achieve the love and respect of a partner.
Some women, in order to calm down, begin to take revenge on their rival. This is not a very good solution. First of all, you should not humiliate yourself and show the other woman how much the situation hurt you. Yes, and usually such actions do not lead to the return of the spouse, but rather only irritate.
Calm, measured behavior is what you need. Revenge only shows that you constantly think about your partner's betrayal and completely abandoned yourself. Behave with dignity, and perhaps the spouse who offended you will think about whom he lost.
It happens that after some time you begin to understand that thanks to the betrayal of a partner, it became possible to completely change your life.
Whatever happens in life, if you are alive and well, any situation can be turned in the right direction. The betrayal of a loved one is not the end of life.
Recall the moments of family life. Few people in the family have everything perfect and smooth. The husband always made decisions, and you only supported him. Now you do not need to listen to the opinion of your spouse, you can solve all the most important problems on your own. For some women, it is after a divorce that a real life full of events begins. During this period, hidden talents usually appear, which later help to survive after stress.
Become an independent, self-sufficient woman. Ignore stereotypical behavior. Live life to the fullest, for yourself, and perhaps soon there will be a person who deserves your love.
Probably every girl is faced with the problem of overweight? Indeed, sometimes it is not easy to lose weight, look slim and beautiful, remove the sides or stomach. Diets do not help, there is no strength and desire to go to the gym, or it does not bring tangible results.
A terrible, severe shock, unbearable pain and an oppressive sense of guilt - betrayal of a loved one. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one, how to live after realizing that your only one was close to someone other than you? Is it possible to forgive betrayal and how long does it take? Today we will try to understand what it is - treason and how to get out of a state of resentment and guilt with minimal losses for ourselves.
There are situations in which a man and a woman have just started dating, there are no special oaths yet, and there were no declarations of love. But the invisible connection that exists between them has already been established, and each of them feels a mutual need for both simple communication and sex. This is especially felt if young people begin their life together in the so-called " civil marriage and they have certain responsibilities. What does each of them expect from the development of relations? Without a doubt, a woman is a marriage, a man is not at all necessary. And it is difficult to call his relationship with another woman a betrayal. But betrayal - yes!
Starting to meet with a girl or a woman, any man invades her life, forcing her to remake it for himself - the schedule of free hours, favorite activities on weekends are subject to adjustment due to the appearance of a new person. A woman expects the same from a man - and why not? It is no secret that many men prefer not to change anything in their lives after the appearance of a lover in her, and this seems to her extremely unfair. Men are arranged differently, they love freedom and new relationships, and they really don’t like to limit themselves in anything. A new woman and sex with her are not perceived by him as a betrayal of an already existing girlfriend - after all, I'm not married?
“Yes, we are not married, but spiritually we are already close!” - in despair, wringing her hands, the woman exclaims, to which she receives an exhaustive answer: “But spiritually, I didn’t cheat on you!”
Having discussed the current situation together without hysteria and nerves, you must understand what awaits you in the future, and what place you occupy in the life of this man. It is quite possible that sex "on the side" was caused by a combination of circumstances and in the man himself, except for a squeamish feeling and annoyance, did not cause anything.
But it is also possible that your loved one does not see “anything special” in casual sex and does not even exclude its repetition. In this case, nothing consoling can be said - you did not become “one and only” for this man and the relationship reached a dead end, when parting can save both your self-respect and your peace of mind in the future.
Forgiveness of infidelity depends on many circumstances.
Often, after revealing the fact of infidelity, a woman has a desire to take revenge in some way, to prove to her beloved that she, too, can do as she pleases - we are talking about sex with another man.
Let's say right away - this is a very bad idea, which will bring nothing but internal devastation and an additional sense of guilt - after sex with another, you will not be able to think about anything other than "What am I better than him now?". Such self-deprecation can deal an irreparable blow to all self-esteem and female pride.
Yes, now you have been avenged, you have proven that you are attractive to the opposite sex and that you are still sexy, but now you have to lower your eyes and avoid the gaze of your loved one. In general, the situation repeats itself, only with a mirror reflection, and now you have to ask for forgiveness. Do you need it right now, when the fire of resentment against the betrayal of a loved one is still burning inside? Probably not!
Let's say you and your loved one managed to overcome all the obstacles to mutual understanding, he is forgiven and betrayal is forgotten. Very often, such couples become, paradoxically, even closer to each other, the hardships experienced together bring them closer, and the marriage becomes even stronger. Moreover, if two in a marriage survived the betrayal and coped with it, then such a marriage can be called very reliable. Spouses in an incomprehensible way begin to trust each other more, and the woman inside begins to feel some kind of additional confidence. Of course, we can say that what happened has changed both, but the fact that we are talking about true love here is undeniable.
And if forgiveness still does not come, your unfaithful irritates you, and you already have doubts whether you will be able to communicate with this person in the future at all? Well, then really parting is the best way out, in which you can still try to maintain a human appearance on both sides and treat each other more calmly. Close, family, marital relations become impossible for such people, but communication (for example, for the sake of a child) will become much easier if you decide and still part, if not friends, then at least as adults, civilized people.
What conclusions should a woman draw for herself after the end of the epic "treason-hatred-forgiveness"?
Cheating on a loved one is a severe test of strength in a relationship. If, after the betrayal is forgiven, the relationship still persists, it can be said with confidence that the perception of the world by both spouses has changed forever - many idyllic ideas about marriage are gone, life seems more real and sober. Perhaps this is the only positive moment that can be found in the history of betrayal and forgiveness.
Beauty and HealthLove and Relationships
Cheating on a loved one is a terrible blow.. In its strength, it is comparable to the loss of a loved one, resentment and pain gnaws at a person from the inside. You lost the man you love because he did something you couldn't expect from him. He just betrayed you - vilely, unexpectedly and so unpleasantly. Depression, heaviness, humiliation and betrayal are felt by a woman who has learned about the betrayal of a loved one. All these feelings are a protective reaction of the body to the impact of destructive stress. But it should be remembered that a person is strong by nature, especially a woman, so she should try to maintain her dignity and survive betrayal - this unfortunate streak in life. Various tips and recommendations that are suitable for almost every woman can effectively help with this.
Allow yourself to suffer for some time, but without scandals, mutual insults and tantrums. Suffer on your own. You need to appreciate everything that happened, and most importantly, come to terms with it. It's already happened and there's nothing to fix. Now your task is to prevent an unfavorable development of events for you in the future. Don't make any impulsive decisions, let alone commit them. Pull yourself together, even through force.
Try not to make hasty statements and abrupt actions. If you have been thinking about leaving the family for a long time, then cheating is just a great reason for you to do it less painfully, but you won’t worry about it so hard, but your pride will be hurt. But if everything was fine with you up to this point and you just didn’t notice anything, you will have to show all your iron will in order to survive what happened.
First you need to understand whether this is a casual connection, or whether your husband has been in a relationship with another woman for a very long time. Could there be more serious consequences after you found out about everything. If the husband has a constant mistress, but you want to save the family, then silence is the best solution. Do not tell him anything, and if he himself admitted this to you, do not raise this topic in further communication. Now your task is to return the former sense of passion to your relationship and eliminate the appearance of any rivals in the future. Do not give your husband a reason to leave the family with your albeit justified claims, it is better to keep silent. If this is a casual relationship, then you should not be afraid of his departure, but in order to prevent this in the future, you will also have to return his love. After all, only because of the cooling of feelings a man is able to change a truly beloved woman. Therefore, you need to understand what exactly caused the cooling between you and fix it.
There are only a few reasons that pushed a man to cheat. This is his character and upbringing, once he decided that victory over women would be proof of his masculinity, irresistibility and demand. Dissatisfaction with the relationship with his wife, hidden or already passed into the open stage, even worse, there are only a few steps left before the break. Or love that could flare up suddenly, no one is immune from this. Depending on which of these reasons has become the main one for your husband, you need to eliminate it. But here you should immediately pay attention to the fact that the first and third causes of betrayal can be eliminated only with exceptional efforts on your part. The second reason is the easiest to eliminate of all.
If you stopped paying attention to him, often refuse intimacy, behave with him in no way with a man, but as with a friend, you should not be surprised that he wanted to feel love, affection and admiration from a woman again. If you stop giving him these feelings, he will surely find them sooner or later in the arms of another woman. Of course, if a man fell in love, the only thing you can do here is to make him fall in love with you again or just forgive him, let go of this pain and him, and start creating a new relationship. The choice is yours, but resentment and pain must be removed from your soul, otherwise they will destroy you from the inside.
Take a close look at your husband, how he behaves, worries, feels guilty or doesn’t care. If you can see that he feels bad, does not know how to behave with you, this is good. So, you can calm down, he is not going to leave you, despite the fact that he cheated on you with his mistress, and not with the first woman he liked. If he behaves completely calmly, then you need to prepare for decisive action in order to attract his attention again. But do not show your pain, behave absolutely calmly, even slightly indifferently. It is best if you show negligence towards your husband, so you will make him nervous. All men value only what they have won with difficulty. Once he had already conquered you, but over time these feelings became slightly dulled, he relaxed and forgot how much you are dear to him. Your task is to make him conquer you again, as on the first day of acquaintance. Study him again, what he loves, how he lives, what he wants to get from life, find out his character from the horoscope. All this will help you to re-learn your man and what he appreciates in a woman and apply this knowledge in relation to yourself.
Don't think about cheating all the time. Take care of any other things, plunge headlong into them, if the thought arises again, drive it away. Think about the good things in your life. But do not think about happy moments with your husband, this can provoke new experiences and even more painful sensations. Learn to deal with your emotions, which now just prevent you from assessing what happened soberly. If you think this is a tragedy in your life, change your attitude. This is a very difficult situation, but you are able to show your strength and look at what happened from the other side. Imagine you just met, saw your man for the first time. Treat him like a complete stranger, there was simply nothing else between you. No matter how unpleasant it may sound now, when you are already in pain, but his cooling arose for a reason. There is also part of your fault. If your husband tries to talk to you, to discuss your life together further, do not refuse. Take a deep breath and control yourself. Be sincere, find the most acceptable option, do not humiliate or insult him, behave impeccably, let him begin to admire you again.
If your man is not the first time he has been noticed in infidelity, maybe you should just find yourself a more suitable gentleman. Such men change just like that, they have not learned to appreciate a woman, so you should not expose yourself to unnecessary experiences next to him. If your husband is worthy of admiration, and you want to stay with him, then do not react to what happened. You have something to fight for, and real love can survive everything. You are a true woman and you should overcome the pain of betrayal with your head held high.
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It doesn’t matter how you found out about the betrayal of your beloved spouse - you guessed it yourself, someone “enlightened” you, or the husband himself confessed ... In any case, this news must have fallen on you like a ton of bricks, crushing with its weight and knocking the soil out from under legs. Of course, any woman in such a situation hopes that something can be done that would help save the family, no matter how much the pain and resentment burn in the depths of her soul. You want it too; however, under the weight of the grief that has befallen you, you cannot gather your thoughts and decide what to do now and how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, how to go beyond the pain, forgive the unfaithful spouse and save the marriage.
We understand that what you need from us is not so much words of consolation as clear guidance on what to do and how to do it. It is in order to help you quickly gather your thoughts and understand what to do right away and what to do a little later, we offer you not an article-reasoning about treason and its causes, but an article-instruction outlining a plan of optimal actions in your situation . Let it serve as a beacon for you, to the light of which you will go, getting out of the abyss of grief.
Your marriage should not fall apart just because your husband was caught cheating. But both of you will have to work hard so that the family does not fall apart. We are here to give you a guide to action.
Of course, trust after betrayal can be seriously undermined, so it’s worth talking about its restoration in more detail. A few more instructions to help you:
Have you met a person who betrayed you in an instant, leaving for another? This is not the time to think about prolonged drinking, suicide, or, even worse, physical violence. We will give you many ways to save yourself from suffering, forget everything like a bad dream and start living in a new way. So, how to survive the betrayal of a loved one?
How much pain, disappointment, longing and resentment in betrayal ... No matter how strong a person may seem from the inside, it is always difficult to experience betrayal or a banal farewell "forever" with a loved one. Sometimes it seems that this black bar is endless ...
How to survive the betrayal of a loved one and at the same time become happy again? Do not give up, do stupid things that you will regret later. Of course, we all understand that life is one, and people come and go, but at this very moment you hardly think about anyone else but a traitor. Still, force yourself to cast aside the thought that this is the end of your whole life, and there is no point in continuing to exist. This feeling will pass! Some sooner, some longer. Judging by the personal life experience of the author, parting with loved ones is easier if there is already a similar experience. So don't be afraid to start a new relationship. Even if it doesn’t work out for you again, in the future it will be much easier to survive all this, having the appropriate experience behind you.
Believe in yourself, fight the pain, load your subconscious with information about something else. It will take only a few weeks, and you will surely feel relief. However, for this you need to know exactly how to act.
Suffer, cry, whine - allow yourself, it would seem, too much. You have to get rid of the emotions that sit inside and eat you up. But do not make scandals, do not insult, do everything in moderation, alone with yourself, and optimally - with a person who will understand, and will not say something like “I told you”, “you are a loser”, etc. . Take a sober look at everything that happened, and most importantly, accept it. To throw out emotions, you can get a little tipsy (similarly - in moderation!), And tomorrow your world will be a little different, brighter. At this point, you must prevent future troubles - impulsive decisions should be left aside, let others do stupid things, but not you.
Do you still hope to save your family? Realize whether the connection of your soulmate with this person was accidental. If it was a one-night stand, perhaps your person will understand that there are no more like you, and there can be no talk of the best. In this case, ending the relationship is not always the best solution. Evaluate for yourself how much your marriage is worth it to forgive and forget this offense, and also offer to do this to the cheater himself. Return passion and affection to your relationship, it is unlikely that your “rabbit” will want to leave the “golden cage”, where he is well fed, cherished and stroked on the head not for something, but simply because he is cute.
It is absolutely impossible to think about his betrayal all the time. It is better to do things that will allow you to immerse yourself in them, and if thoughts continue to disturb - drive them away! That stream of emotions that is in the head of a person who thinks how to survive the betrayal of a loved one will not allow you to look at things from the “right” angle. Do not consider the current situation the tragedy of your whole life, do not feel like the most unfortunate person. Of course, avoid people who say “I don’t care about your problems”, as they most likely do not understand you at all and have never been in your place. Yes, it’s difficult for you, yes, it’s better to forget this cheater forever. If you do not have children, family, common property with him, drive him away from your life, do not let him deceive you again. Who changed once, will change the second - this is an unwritten rule of human relations, exceptions for which have a percentage much lower than you think. The second chance is relevant and effective in about one out of a hundred cases.
“What we have, we don’t value” is a relevant phrase for individuals aged 15-30. Later you gain experience, you understand how much was not appreciated and eventually lost. That's when you turn forty, when you have lived with a person for a dozen or two years, you treat betrayal less emotionally, you put rationality at the head of everything. You probably already have children who will support you and give you good advice. In addition, the meaning of life will no longer lie only in a loved one. Left without your soulmate, think about it, maybe this is your second chance to start all over again?
50 years in the conditions of modern realities is already at least half a life. For many, its sunset. There is very little time to give an opportunity to improve. On the other hand, many people who have crossed the age mark of five decades manage to live in a new way, find new companions and even have children. At this age, appearance and money play a smaller role than in younger years. In the foreground - reciprocity, mutual understanding, confidence in a person, confidence that he will not leave you at a sad moment when you are sick or cannot cope with all things alone. Look for faithful people, if you have been cheated on - forget this person, and in no case close yourself. Even after the age of 50, you have the right to a full-fledged personal life, which should not “survive” against the backdrop of betrayals and betrayals.
There can be quite a few reasons why a man is cheating on you. Perhaps at some point he decided that the conquest of women is his craft, and only in this way can he prove his masculinity, demand and irresistibility. Your young man may simply be unsatisfied with the relationship that you have. Probably, he had been planning a break for a long time, but could not decide. Another option is a sudden surge of new love that came into his life like snow on his head. If you don’t pay much attention to your man, often ignore his desire for intimacy, treat him like a close friend, you don’t need to be amazed that he again craves love, affection, female admiration and finds it all “on the side” . Are you no longer giving yourself to him? Sooner or later, he will find his need for the arms of a woman who will be more affectionate, more caring, more attentive with him. If your man fell in love with another, there is nothing left but to let him go to another, realize his mistakes and not allow them again in the future. Having decided to return it, be prepared for the fact that distrust will appear in your life and your role in the life of a man will be much less significant than before. After all, if you have forgiven treason, skip other “petty” errors completely out of attention - this is exactly what the traitor can count on.
How to survive the betrayal of a beloved man? Contact a professional psychologist who will help you find the right path in life.
Sign up for a session to get started. There is no shame in asking for psychological help to a specialist. Much worse is the inability to cope with their emotions, going into a long binge. A psychologist, on the other hand, is the same ordinary person who can impartially and intelligently assess the situation, reveal to you what is imperceptible on your part. He will surely open the doors of the subconscious, where the answers to all questions are hidden. Follow the recommendations, be honest with your assistant, and write a new page in your book of life.
Keep a happiness diary, which can be a pocket notebook or its electronic version. Here you will write down all the good things that happened to you throughout the day. Enjoying the beauty of the rainbow, nice words addressed to you by a stranger, nice communication with new people - all this is worth focusing on. The more positive you see in the positive, the happier your whole life will be.
Do not call yourself yourself, or do not allow yourself to be called "abandoned", "unhappy", "poor" by someone else. Your life is shaped by your own thinking. Nobody says that if you call yourself rich, but do nothing for this, then you will certainly get everything you want, but if you only do what you feel sorry for yourself and constantly blame fate, it will bring you a lot of trouble.
Finalizing this monologue, the author wants to bring to the attention of every reader: despite the huge disappointment that the betrayal of a loved one brings with it, you have something to live on for. And if you want to qualitatively change your life, make new acquaintances, spend time for your own pleasure, improve yourself and reach new career heights. Successful people have no time to cry and suffer because of cheaters, they perceive any failure as a good experience. "There is no such thing as a bad experience!"
Sexual infidelity of men in marriage is a phenomenon as common as it is traumatic. Numerous and reliable demographic studies of the last quarter of a century show that 74, and according to some data - 75% of husbands - residents of large cities - entered into extramarital sexual relations one or more times. I refer to the data of studies conducted in Russian megacities by both domestic and foreign scientists. In the countries of Western Europe, these figures do not go beyond 50% - our Russian psychological culture, with its lack of religious brakes, the cult of "macho" and the abundance of single women, determines our absolute superiority in this area.
For many years I have been speaking at international conferences with reports and reports on psychotherapeutic assistance to victims of sexual infidelity; and every time colleagues - especially from English-speaking countries - ask me to confirm the statistics of adultery I cite, perceiving the figures mentioned with distrust. But what to do - the reliability of these figures has been proven by a variety of scientists ...
When sexual infidelity became not only the subject of interest of writers, comedians, creators of jokes, etc., but also the object of serious scientific research, the emphasis shifted from the superficial psychological aspects of this phenomenon to aspects of deep psychological, psychophysiological and genetic ones. The active interest of psychotherapists and sexologists in the problem of adultery is caused by the role and significance of this phenomenon for mental health: women - after all, victims of infidelity make up 18 - 19% of all those who applied for psychotherapeutic help. Infidelity is the second most important cause of female depression, the third cause of suicides and suicidal attempts. And to create effective methods of psychotherapeutic assistance to victims of infidelity, specialists need a deep knowledge of this phenomenon.
Today we know that a man's sexual behavior is largely controlled by the so-called. The "infidelity gene" - more precisely, the gene that makes us have sexual intercourse with new women. The studies of the last decade, primarily by the group of Robin Baker, no longer leave any doubts about this. Moreover, some very similar gene is supposed in women; it works in a slightly different way - strictly during the period of ovulation, for 8 - 10 days favorable for conception. And today, sexological science has revised the traditional ideas about the marital fidelity of the fair sex: the "ovulation impulse" pushes our girlfriends to short-term (and very bright!) Sexual contacts with unfamiliar partners, as a rule.
We also know that the strong sex also has a desire for self-affirmation through new “conquests”, new “victories” over women. Expressed in our masculine character is also sexual curiosity, interest in the structure of the female body, in the sexual behavior of the new woman. In the male community, in the male subculture, the experience of sexual intercourse, the quantity and quality of women that you possess are highly valued. The ideal of the male community is a person who does not run after skirts, but at any opportunity "will not miss his own". Let us add to the above that large (and not very large) cities around the world are overflowing with single - mostly divorced - women who, for the most part, quite agree to intimate relationships with a married man - for lack of free ones. In Moscow, for example, in 1964, according to sociological studies, out of 30-year-old single women, only less than 20% were ready for a relationship with a married man, and in the past, 2003 (only 40 years later), almost 80%. A study of 40-year-old single Muscovites with a higher education (divorced and unmarried), conducted in 1999 by a group of sociologists from the international company Pfizer, showed that almost 75% of them had sexual contacts with married men of various durations - from one-offs to long-term romances.
These different cheaters
Among married men, entering into extra-marital intimate relationships, researchers from different countries (Frank Pitman, Margaret LeRoy and others) distinguish - with some degree of conventionality - three main groups. The first group is the most numerous; the husbands of this group have novels with a frequency of once every two to three years, these novels are of average duration - from two to five months. In 90% of cases, these connections are carefully conspired and remain unknown to the wife (and if they become known to her, it is not through his fault). In them, husbands are driven by the desire for self-affirmation, for the recognition of their attractiveness by more and more new women. With partners in the novel, he remains on friendly terms, after the novel, his self-esteem rises significantly and he remains sexually faithful for a long time.
The second group is husbands, in whose life there are short-term, often one-time extra-marital sexual contacts, and not relationships at all, not “outside romances”. Such sexual contacts occur, as a rule, situationally: at parties, on business trips, on vacation. They are even less likely than in the first group to come out into the light of God, except perhaps by accident or as a result of infection by a random partner.
The most malicious
Particular attention of psychotherapists is attracted by the husbands of the third group, who throughout their entire married life, right up to old age, maintain sexual relations with non-marital partners, in fact, without hiding this from their wife, although they do not openly admit this fact. For decades, they have been meeting with a variety of women, their relationships are characterized by the most varied duration: with someone - a year, with someone - two weeks, but in these relationships there are practically no breaks that are so characteristic of ordinary "traitors". Specialists are well aware that after a romantic extra-marital relationship comes a sense of satisfaction, and the so-called "post-love asthenia" - tired of a love feeling (after all, it requires a lot of emotional stress). These two psychological phenomena: self-satisfied self-esteem and post-romantic asthenia make it impossible for most men to continuously indulge in “women on the side”, cause long periods of monogamy in marriage, periods of family unity and unclouded happiness.
Why are the extra-marital relationships of the men of the third group so peculiar, why do they not have “post-love exhaustion”, why do these husbands give their wives no respite, keep them in a state of tension and depression, and do not psychologically return to the family themselves? American researcher Anna Salter undertook a very complex study of extramarital partners of "malicious cheaters" and revealed two striking facts. Firstly, these partners often did not correspond to the social, educational and intellectual level of the "traitors" - in all these parameters they turned out to be significantly lower, while in "ordinary" novels men become attached to women of a similar socio-cultural stratum. Secondly, in these novels there was no enthusiasm, no emotional upsurge; in their absolute majority, these were smooth, ordinary sexual relations. There were no sexual excesses (intense intimate life at the beginning of a relationship), no desire to spend a lot of time with a girlfriend - go with her for the weekend, spend a vacation, or at least a night. Salter studied almost 200 "girlfriends" of these "cheaters" and found in most of them genuine surprise at the behavior of their partners. Unlike the novels of the first group, these often ended up with a mistress, disappointed by an insufficiently emotional attitude towards herself.
Psychotherapists are well aware that the sexual contacts of husbands from the first and second groups do not in any way imply a negative attitude towards his wife, a desire to somehow hurt or offend her. As Frank Pitman aptly puts it, "in the novels on the side, we men deal with our own problems with the fair sex in general, not with the wife at all." The wives themselves always believe that an extramarital relationship reflects some shortcomings of marriage, which, as the people say, “a husband does not walk away from a good wife”, “husbands do not cheat in a good marriage”. The last statement is one of the most common myths about adultery, and it has nothing to do with the real state of affairs. In high-quality marital unions (where there is emotional closeness, trust, good intimate relationships), the prevalence of sexual infidelity is the same as in bad, conflicting married couples.
The studies that I want to talk about confirmed the hypothesis that “malicious cheaters” maintain sexual relations primarily so that a man can function better in the intimate sphere. In those short intervals between two mistresses that do happen, his sexual activity is practically reduced to zero.
Sexual infidelity is also the best way to keep your wife "at a distance" and in a state of humiliation. Being friendly, caring, affectionate with your wife, but at the same time regularly having sex with another woman once a week, especially without hiding it, is a sophisticated sadism that traumatizes the victim to a degree much greater than episodic “sex on the side”. "Malicious cheaters" over the years life together brought this process to the level of perfection: they never directly admit that there is another woman in their life, other sexual relations, but they masterfully convey this fact to their wife. In words, categorically denying sexual infidelity, in other - non-verbal - ways, they clearly "signal" about it.
Many experts, emphasizing their outward decency, call such husbands "hidden sexual aggressors."
Why aren't they copied?
The wives of husbands who systematically cheat on them, who came to see me, ask about the same questions. Here is what my recent client Lisa, a forty-year-old auditor, says: “Yes, I know that men are not saints, that they have some connections “on the side”. I would be willing to tolerate it. But why doesn't my husband try to hide his hobbies from me at all? Why does he show me with all his appearance that I am not alone with him? At first I thought that he was just going to leave me - that's why he does not hide anything. Then I realized: he was not going to go anywhere and to anyone, and she stopped worrying about this. I was waiting for him to outgrow all this, when it was all over. We got married when Volodya was 30 years old, now he is almost fifty, and he is still dating some kind of "girlfriends". Some I have an idea of - and they are not of the highest order. And destroys my life, and does not make his own better.
You ask: why don't I leave him? You know, he's a really good husband - except for constant cheating. Always even, calm, benevolent, for many years of living together, he never raised his voice to me, he never said a rude word. I sometimes flare up, explode - he restrains himself. He tries to earn money for his family - in his youth he worked hard at two jobs. At first, I thought that there was some kind of defect in me as a woman - that's why he has these connections. I even started an affair with a colleague, and he was delighted with me. But I had a strong sense of guilt before Volodya, and I myself stopped this affair. I'm afraid to live alone, I'm afraid to be left without a husband. Here, I wait and endure…”
The lack of disguise is a way to humiliate the wife, make her constantly think about his connection with his mistress. Such a “husband” cannot function sexually with a woman equal to him, for attraction and erection he needs a partner of a lower status - so he easily lowers the status of his wife.
Condition of the victim
Liza's "patience" did not go unnoticed for her: she looks depressed, speaks in a low voice, and on her face is the seal of suffering. As I have already said, depressions in victims of sexual infidelity differ not only in severity, but also in originality. These women constantly imagine scenes of their husband's intimate relationship with his mistress, and in fantasies the mistress looks much more attractive and much more temperamental than she really is. Exhausting, hurting fantasies, combined with depressive melancholy, force a woman who is trying to somehow get rid of them, look for and find various bodily (as we say, somatic) diseases in herself, clearly feel non-existent pains and be treated for these imaginary disorders. : cardiac, gastrointestinal, endocrine. At the height of depression, so-called "body hallucinations" develop - we call them senestopathies: a woman feels pain in the heart or in the duodenal region, she does not doubt the truth of these pains. There is a process that psychotherapists call "somatization of depression". Painful sensations, poor health are expressed so clearly, so vividly that it is absolutely impossible to convince them that the disease is a manifestation of depression - over many years of practice, I came to the conclusion that it was pointless to even try. I see the luminaries of therapy, cardiology or enterology (less experienced in psychotherapy) trying their best to convince these unfortunate women that they do not have any serious illness - but in vain! And finally, there is a specialist who will establish the “imaginary patient” diagnosis and will treat her for years. "Flight into the disease" to some extent relieves the victim of painful fantasies, from jealousy, but does not relieve depression.
In addition, imaginary diseases - in which the woman herself sincerely believes! - are both a way to attract the attention of a husband (sometimes the only way!), And a way to punish him for cheating. Such women do expensive examinations, often go to inpatient departments: it seems to them that their placement in the hospital will force their husband to change his behavior. "Traitors" regularly visit their wife in the hospital, bring them broths, fruits and flowers - and get more freedom to meet with their mistress.
In my practice, I constantly see how wives who decide to leave such a “malicious traitor” forget within a few weeks about the “diseases” that they suffered for ten years, for which they were treated by the best Moscow specialists, for the treatment of which huge sums of money were spent. They forget, as if they had never heard complex diagnoses. And do not return to them for decades!
Where did they come from?
Studies of the parental families of "malicious traitors" were carried out in the eighties and nineties by groups of American specialists led by Janice Spring, Anna Salter and several scientists in Australia. A characteristic feature of their childhood was their upbringing in a complete family with an imperious, energetic mother, as a rule, not too tough, dictating the rules of behavior not only for her son, but also for her husband. In most cases, the future "hidden sexual aggressors" had a so-called. "teenage rebellion" with its inherent conflicts, departures from home, often deviant (deviant) behavior and other properties of a difficult period of hormonal adjustment. (In general, I advise women to be careful with potential husbands who have gone through a turbulent teenage period, especially a long rebellion against their mother. Behind teenage protests are powerful childhood protests, subconscious aggressive attitudes towards mother, and this can turn against you.)
Psychologists have discovered an interesting circumstance: in severe conflicts with their mother, the boys regularly attended school, studied well, and maintained good relations with teachers and classmates. Such behavior among specialists was called "partial rebellion" (i.e. partial rebellion, limited to one area of activity). "Partial rebellion" in general is observed among adolescents quite rarely: if a teenager rebels, then it is against parents, and against teachers, and against the rules at school, and against the rules at home. And their protest behavior continues not for several months, not for a year, but for the whole long teenage five or even six years.
The constant presence of two women in their lives is revealed already in their teenage sexual fantasies, and at the very beginning of their intimate life. The love so characteristic of adolescents, the long-term attachment to the chosen one, is not observed at all in the future "malicious cheaters"; their attitude towards women already in the years of their sexual debut is rational - consumerism, while both rationality and consumerism are well disguised by outward politeness and gentleness.
In general, in the future "hidden aggressors" we observe a strikingly successful beginning of sexual life, which is generally not characteristic of young people. The vast majority of adolescents, despite their physiological hypersexuality, enter into an intimate life not so easily: emotional instability, excitement, love experiences, self-doubt, and lack of experience lead to frequent failures, premature ejaculation, loss of erection and other sexual failures. The so-called older teenagers (16-19 years old) make up about half of the clients of sexologists. "Malicious cheaters" function surprisingly well, without failures and failures; we explain this fact by their low ability to fall in love and love. As I have already said, with all their interest in the fair sex, bright, strong hobbies are not characteristic of them. For them, passion and intimate relationships are not so much a source of sensual pleasure as a way of self-affirmation, dominance over a woman.
What to do?
If, after getting married, a woman is faced with the sexual infidelity of her husband, then first of all, she needs to decide on the goals and nature of this infidelity. It is not easy to talk about these topics with him, but it is absolutely necessary. And there is absolutely no need to pretend that you do not notice his extramarital affairs: in this case, you look unobservant and unintelligent. We, men, cannot respect the one that we managed to deceive. Show that you are a “sighted” being, that you know about the existence of this connection, but do not make a tragedy out of it. For the traitors of the first group - those who change for self-affirmation - an open connection, devoid of a veil of secrecy, very often loses all its attractiveness of a “war behind enemy lines” and quickly stops.
Remember: no matter how unpleasant and traumatic sexual infidelity is, it represents an excellent opportunity for you to show your best side, to demonstrate your best human qualities. (In everyday, everyday life, these qualities, most often, are obscured, fade into the background. We all tend to underestimate a loved one simply because we live in close contact, and everyday interaction covers up our dignity). The husband expects that the disclosure of his connection will lead to scandals, tears, reproaches, he expects childish erratic and senseless behavior. Your restraint, self-control, desire to understand the reasons and nature of his "holiday on the side" will make him appreciate you more highly, as my students say, "respect".
I recommend that my clients - victims of infidelity - be sure to meet the woman with whom her husband is in a sexual relationship. The purpose of such a meeting is not to make a scandal, but to understand what prompts your husband to this relationship. Yes, such contact requires the exertion of all spiritual forces, but it is absolutely necessary to clarify the situation. Based on many years of experience, I can firmly say: in one hundred percent of cases it is beneficial.
Four signs will help you determine which group of "cheaters" your husband belongs to: periodic or malicious. The first of these is the frequency of extramarital affairs. For the vast majority of men, after the affair, a long period of fidelity, deep emotional attachment follows - at least a year, and usually more - without any interest in "outsiders" women. With the “inveterate” everything is different: one connection immediately - or with an interval of several weeks - is followed by another.
The second sign is the nature of the partners. Men of the first group enter into relations with women of their cultural and social level, with women who are quite worthy. "Malignant" traitors associate with a variety of women, often located on the social ladder much lower than themselves. Often such a connection is surprising - the intellectual, cultural, educational difference between him and his partner is very great.
The third sign is the lack of proper conspiracy, the neglect of keeping extra-marital relations in secret. As I said, this is not at all negligent, but a conscious desire to belittle the wife, to lead her into a state of depression, and often - to plunge her into despair.
Fourth - the practical absence of intimate relations with his wife during those periods when he does not have an extra-marital relationship. As a rule, this does not upset wives at all - sex with her husband has long become undesirable for them.
When the question arises: to abandon the second woman and stop injuring the wife, but at the same time lose high sexual activity, or continue to turn the wife into a disabled person, but at the same time enjoy an active sex life - most "principled traitors" choose the second. Psychotherapists have long introduced the concept of “dick dictatorship”: if the method of arousal, attraction, or the mode of satisfying sexual needs conflicts with moral and ethical standards, then a man (most often!) Steps over these standards, and by all means tries to maintain and maintain his own sexual functioning.
If all four signs of a “malicious traitor” are present in your husband, then all attempts to change him, to make him a faithful husband are completely futile and doomed to failure. The only way to survive, to preserve your mental health, is to get away from it as quickly as possible. Yes, your financial situation will suffer, your social status will decrease, it will be difficult for you for some time, but after two or three weeks you will feel relief, stop constantly thinking about your misfortune, become cheerful, cheerfulness will return to you. You can’t live with a “malicious traitor” ...
How many times have I heard from my clients: “I see that a woman who is unfamiliar and not very interesting to me is ready to give herself to me. I know that I don’t need her, that I had hundreds like her, that the hundred and first will not add anything to this list ... I know that in terms of her human qualities this woman is not suitable for my wife. I know that I should go home, be with my wife and child, that I have been neglecting them in the last days (months, years), that my wife’s patience is running out, that she is in despair, that she is about to explode ... But also I know that in the first two or three intimacy with this new woman I will have a good erection - as in my youth, that sex with her will give me great (albeit very short!) pleasure. And I go to her, or go to a hotel with her, have sex with her and return home at eleven... I can. As long as I have attraction, I will have connections "on the side" ... "
Of course, a person with such a psyche, with such attitudes cannot and should not be a husband. However, being left by his wife, he quickly finds another (we have no shortage of single women!) And just as quickly begins to torment her ...
Alexander Poleev
Many girls are ashamed to speak out loud about their husband’s betrayal: they didn’t finish watching, it was their own fault, they gained extra pounds, devoted little time to their husband, cooked tastelessly, was not inventive in bed. Yes, she's just getting old. And a man always needs something new, but your child does not sleep, the deadline is at work, three-day borscht. We publish a frank story of a girl who was able to cope with her husband's betrayal. And even forgave.
“All happy families are equally happy; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
“The classics are right: both about unhappy families and about love boat. I forgave my husband after the betrayal, but even now, having lived through all this, I do not understand what the modern institution of marriage is based on. Does a person really need marriage? Eternal love does exist. In fairy tales, in the minds of young girls and in romantic comedies for sure. But I don't believe in it all.
You know, it's even a shame: I never wanted to get married for the sake of getting married. I have a red diploma with honors, an apartment in the city center, a parental business by inheritance, I have a good appearance, many friends. I never fought for a place in the sun among the girls hunting for millions.
I immediately fell in love with Herman. I was 24 at that time, and he was 29. We were perfect for each other: he also had his own business, a good income, an apartment without a mortgage, a house in the country, a solid account, a pumped-up body and two higher education. I note that here in my words there is no need to look for pathos: that my parents and their connections helped me, that Herman was very helpful. Without this, we would hardly have been able to achieve such serious heights by this age.
We talked with him until the morning, drowned in each other, flew away to Paris for the weekend. Everything was so romantic and great. Of course, when he proposed, I agreed without hesitation. The first year generally passed in paradise, the second - they did repairs in a common apartment, in the third - they opened a joint business. On the fourth - ... he changed.
Yes, the so-called "bells" (I hate that word, but that's what it's called) have been from the very first day. Firstly, I knew from our mutual friend that Herman and the girls had everything, as he liked to say, light. Met at night, woke up in the morning and forgot. Secondly, I saw how he flirts with girls, but attributed it to natural charm. But in public he always behaved like an exemplary family man. I was the only one who saw and felt it. Falling in love erased all fear and fear, and I was in a fog.
The first thought when I saw the correspondence with my mistress: “Why me?”. I didn’t gain a single kilogram during our relationship, I spent half my fortune in beauty salons, I put on only the best dresses, learned three more foreign languages, was support and support in all matters, I never said an evil word.
Change has become a constant occurrence. He could disappear for weeks. Why didn't I leave? Because we have a common cause, a common "jointly acquired", and love in the end! Yes, damn it, love. Which I don't believe in anymore.
Of course, there were gaps: he asked for forgiveness, repented, said that this was physiology, not out of love, but everything was serious with me. And he would never do such a thing, never hurt me like that. I cried, I died in his arms. But new girl in his life, and he was leaving. I stayed with a friend again.
Once she told me: “Listen, everyone, stop. I don't care if you resist now. I won't let him wipe his feet on you. Tomorrow you're filing for divorce. And I don't need to explain anything." I remember I was terribly offended then, pushed my friend out the door, sat in the bathroom and burst into tears. Out of self-pity, of course. I'm so beautiful, smart, and the girls in his bed are sometimes 18 years old. She convinced herself that it was just that all men were polygamous, that it was the same for everyone, it was just that no one would admit it.
He came in the morning and apologized again. I said that everything suits me. Said I love. He then cried for the first time. Here, probably, the point came when I broke down: I decided that we could handle it. This is such a period, probably, will pass.
The boiling point came when I caught him with my other girlfriend. Right in our apartment. It turned out that they had been lovers for a long time, almost from the very first month of our relationship. It was the end. And I thought: it's better to die. True, it didn’t come to swallowing the pills, my mother saved me.
I never told her about men, but then I arrived at two in the morning and spoke. She just spoke without stopping. About everything. I know it's bad to involve parents, but there was simply no way out.
After the breakup, my world collapsed. I lost 10 kilograms, my health situation became critical, I hardly ate. But relatives helped, and I slowly returned to existence, collecting myself piece by piece.
I confess that it was a surprise for me: men like me. Wow. I even started a therapeutic romance. With a young, I would say a young guy who pulled me out of this state.
Do you know what conclusions I made? Yes, the most banal. You need to talk to your loved one. Many, long and about everything. Not just in the beginning when you're crazy about each other, but all the time. Yes, we are boring each other. It is a fact. Sad, but true. But this is not a reason to look the other way, this is a reason to find compromises, to find a way out together. Nobody canceled crises.
Probably, there is love, this is confirmed by my friend, who is still giggling from her husband’s SMS, and read the word treason for her in books somewhere. They were lucky. And I'm probably in 99% of the unfortunate, disappointed, who want something new, who are afraid to love again. But I did forgive. May he be happy. And I can. Some day".
After the betrayal of a loved one, an emptiness arises in the soul, confusion and confusion settle in the heart, and one question beats in the head: “how to survive betrayal” so as not to do things that you will later have to regret for a long time.
It is quite difficult to regain peace of mind after such an event, besides, you need to decide how to live on, understand yourself and understand whether it is worth trying to restore the family.
You have two options: leave your husband forever or stay and try to forget what happened. Think about whether you are able to forgive your husband and live with him after his betrayal.
To make a decision, it is important to know if the husband stumbled once or if he has a permanent lover to whom he can go. If the spouse repents, cuts off the phone and asks him, you need to ask yourself: “how to survive the betrayal and forgive your husband?”.
When love remains in the soul and the thought of separation is unbearable, it is worth trying to save the relationship. After all, both partners are often to blame for cheating.
Maybe you stopped paying due attention to your spouse, you were too busy with work and friends, your husband felt lonely and stumbled. Therefore, when you are ready to talk, explain to your husband and find out what did not suit him.
When you have the strength to talk with your spouse, return home and amaze your husband with your beautiful appearance and self-confidence. Most likely, he expects to see you broken and depressed and will be discouraged by meeting a dazzling beauty who does not sob or cry.
If before that he had thoughts of leaving you, seeing a gorgeous woman in front of him, he will understand that you will not be left alone either, and will most likely change his plans.
After betrayal, irritation and rage do not let go for a long time. A woman suffers, worries, and gradually the tension begins to destroy the body. Insomnia occurs, blood pressure rises, headaches torment.
From nervous stress, diseases of the stomach and other organs develop, so it is very important to pull yourself together and extinguish hatred. After all, the misconduct of a husband is not worth your well-being. Think about the children and about yourself. You need health to live on, raise children and become happy again.
When there are children in the family, the breakup is much more painful, because the child loves his parents equally and suffers greatly during their quarrels.
It is important not to become addicted to alcohol. A glass of wine is not much, after it it becomes easy and pleasant on the soul. But in an attempt to relieve the inner pain, you can start taking such a medicine all the time, and this is very bad. Even the most beautiful man is not worth your health and such suffering.
You should also not get carried away with sedative pills. They can be drunk once or twice to recover from the news of the betrayal, but you can not build it into a system. From such. You will need more pills every day to put your nerves in order. And in a few months you can turn into a drug addict.
For some women, after a betrayal, nervous stress begins. And even visit thoughts to kill yourself. This is the worst thing that can happen. Try to understand that everything in the world is interconnected and this test was not given to you by chance.
Perhaps it was sent to appreciate the new life partner, who will definitely appear to give joy and happiness. If getting rid of bad thoughts is difficult, and you don’t know after your husband’s infidelity, visit a professional psychologist. A professional can help you restore peace of mind.
