Sometimes men behave completely unmanly, and do not even think about it. So, quite common is the situation when guys twist several novels at the same time and cheat on their girls. Of course, with age, many settle down and start strong families, but sometimes youthful habits of carelessness in relationships persist for life. Therefore, women often face such a difficult situation when the husband left for another woman and abandoned the child. Let's try to help them a little.
If the husband left, then how to start a new life?
Of course, this situation can happen at different stages of marriage. But it is especially bitter for those girls who have only recently become mothers and are especially dependent on their spouse. Treason and betrayal hits them the hardest. And in order to recover from the act of the faithful, you need:
Refuse self-flagellation;
Immerse yourself in motherhood;
Find yourself a support group;
Believe in yourself;
Don't deviate from the law.
Give up self-flagellation
A husband leaves a woman for another not because previous relationships he is somehow not satisfied. He just fell out of love with his wife and is inherently not a very decent person (if he cheated on his wife with a baby). Of course, it’s not easy to come to terms with such a situation, but you definitely don’t need to blame yourself for it.
Some women go even longer and begin to blame the child for divorce or infidelity, they say, there would be no child, and everything would be fine. Of course, such thoughts are not healthy, but it is almost impossible to fully get rid of them on your own. Therefore, it is better to consult with a specialist - a qualified psychologist or psychotherapist.
Immerse yourself in motherhood
You should not be tormented by thoughts of an unfaithful husband, there is no longer a family, so give yourself up to taking care of someone who really needs you. If the child is at an early age, his health directly depends on the psycho-emotional state of the mother. All he needs is the peace and warmth of his mother. Therefore, do your best to satisfy this need of his.
Perhaps it is immersion in motherhood that will help you cope with despair and depression, put thoughts of betrayal into a far corner of your consciousness.
Find yourself a support group
In order not to go crazy with thoughts of divorce and being alone, betraying your husband, with a child in your arms, find yourself a decent support group. It's great if you have real girlfriends and friends, loving parents and caring loved ones. In this case, you are really lucky, they will help with the child, and will give you the opportunity to maintain your sanity without plunging into the abyss of despair. Feel free to ask for help when you really need it. And do not keep emotions in yourself - speak out at least sometimes.
But it also happens that after the disappearance of an unfaithful husband, a young mother finds herself alone with a child in her arms. Relatives and friends may be in another city or simply be indifferent. You can find a decent support group for yourself on women's forums, which are now plentiful on the Internet. Sometimes interlocutors, even from the other side of the globe, turn out to be very understanding and able to give sincere support.
Believe in yourself
Believing in yourself, first of all, is about accepting and realizing the fact that you can handle everything on your own. And this is not a consequence of forced necessity, but initially your ability. You can take care of yourself and the child yourself, you can raise the crumbs as a worthy and independent person. In addition, you will be able to cope with all the troubles that life has prepared for you.
Don't give up on the law
When a woman is with a child in her arms, this is not the time to twist your nose and play nobility. If you and the father of the child were married, then you are entitled to some financial support. We advise readers of “Popular about Health” to consult with a lawyer (at least on the same Internet), how to behave correctly, what documents you need to submit where to receive child support and for yourself (if the age of the crumbs has not yet reached three years old) .
However, if you have nothing to do with the father of the child (you were in a so-called "civil" marriage), consider whether it is worth proving his paternity in court. After all, if a man is really registered as a father, he will have the right to influence the child, to see him according to the law, to restrict his movement (for example, trips abroad), and the bonuses from this can be very small, if at all. Therefore, again, it is better to discuss the situation with a lawyer.
The husband left the family and children - is it necessary to return such?
For many women, it is very important to ensure that a negligent husband returns to the house, to the family. But in fact, you should not manipulate him with the help of a child or try to put pressure on his conscience through parents, relatives and friends. Yes, indeed, under certain pressure, the husband can return home again, but what will it bring? Constant jealousy, new betrayals, distrust, and a general deterioration in the atmosphere in the house.
There are cases when a man who returned to his family against his will became a true domestic tyrant, began to drink, raise his hand to his wife and child. Perhaps it is better to leave the decision to go to another on his conscience. And in this case, he can really return to the family, but you will already find yourself in a more advantageous position.
If the husband left with the child, then life does not end there. Women are actually very strong and able to move mountains, even without a strong male shoulder nearby.
Unfortunately, the departure of a husband from a family is a fairly common phenomenon in modern world. The most difficult situation is when a man leaves a woman with a newborn baby. A new mother immediately has a lot of disturbing thoughts in her head: where to get the strength to live on and not break, how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, for what money to exist?
It happens that the birth of a child, instead of uniting the family, on the contrary, gives impetus to the flight of the father of the family. There are many reasons for such an act: loss of sexual interest in a woman, deterioration in the appearance of a wife after childbirth, fear of the unknown, accumulated fatigue, fear of material difficulties, problems in communicating with a spouse, the appearance of another woman, etc.
A husband who has run away from responsibility with double strength injures women. Firstly, the betrayal of a loved one is always difficult to survive, and secondly, the husband also abandons a newborn child who so needs a strong and loving family.
1. During a breakup, people experience pain, depression, guilt, and self-pity. And you need to be patient and just survive this period, because in some cases nothing can be returned (and sometimes it makes no sense), and you need to learn to live on, moving towards new events, meetings, relationships. The goal of an abandoned woman is to learn how to be happy again. No matter how difficult it is to accept it, but life after the departure of the husband from the family does not end, but perhaps a new stage in life begins.
2. A woman needs to realize that she was not left completely alone. She has a little man for whom she is the whole universe. No matter how bitter and sad it is, you can’t give up, because now she alone has to take care of the baby, only she has the main responsibility for the future life of a small person.
3. Accept any help and do not hesitate to ask your friends, loved ones and relatives yourself, in the early stages it will be extremely useful. Redistribute worries about the child between relatives, allocate "areas of responsibility". See for yourself that friends and family, neighbors and even just acquaintances are ready to help, if you clearly explain what it can be.
4. Make a schedule of meetings with close friends and relatives, stick to it strictly. Communicate with them on the phone more often - isolation can aggravate depression.
5. Walk outside regularly with a stroller or baby sling as often as possible during the day. Move all the time, because constant moderate physical activity helps to cheer up.
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6.
Do not be skeptical of the well-known proverb that time is the best medicine. As practice shows, after some time, everyone who finds himself in a similar situation reacts more calmly to her husband's act. However, there is no specific period, everyone has their own time frame for calming the soul.
7. Women's forums are filled with such stories. And many women successfully overcame all difficulties, improved their lives and found female happiness. Read online user stories, ask forum members for advice, share your experience. Even strangers are ready to provide support and discuss a difficult life situation.
8. Baby yoga will help satisfy the physical and emotional needs of mom and baby, distract from sad thoughts and experiences.
9.
Do not try to hide and suppress your mood, on the contrary, share your worries with people, pronounce problems. And the more times you do it, the easier it will be on your soul.
10. One of the major issues is money. Of course, one with a small child in her arms is difficult to provide for both. Alimony up to a year to a child is the protection of his right to the necessary material support. If the husband, after leaving, does not financially participate in the life of the child in any way, then it will be necessary to go to court.
11. In addition to the “default” happiness that appears in the house at the same time as the birth of a child, it can (and should) be considered that a child is your personal “perpetual” engine, existing in a single copy and working from your positive emotions.
12.
If necessary, seek qualified help from a psychiatrist or psychotherapist who will help to cope with emotional experiences.
Unfortunately, difficulties are inevitable, but one must learn to treat them philosophically. Your task is not to become discouraged, but to find an opportunity to get the most out of your current state. Remember that problems in life only harden, make you look at current events from a different angle.
Prepared by Valeria Skripkina
Recently I asked him - are you happy? WAS IT WORTH WHAT YOU DID? WHAT THE SON HAD A NERVOUS BREAK TO STUTTERING because he so badly wants you to live with us, WHAT BROKEN THE FAMILY, BROKEN EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED? And he - what happened? There was NOTHING!.. there was no family...
I was shocked - what is it - does he really think so or just to annoy me?
Support the site:
Olga, age: 02/31/2012
Responses:
Nina, age: 39 / 14.02.2012
Dear, dear Olga! Trust me, all men say the same thing when they leave. That he did not love, there was no family and you are to blame for everything. My darling! Believe me that you got rid of a person who is not able to bear responsibility for the family. How comfortable it was for him to be with you after parting - to lead a free lifestyle, look for a life partner, climb into bed with his ex-wife... and at the same time lisp with his son when it suits him. Never, no one dares to offend your child! You write that your son was going through a gap before stuttering. Why let this happen? If the child is in pain, then let him at least not see the walking dad, who comes when it suits him.
It won't make sense. He will not return. He doesn't even have to regret the breakup. Because everything suits him! You will have happiness! Necessarily! You just need to break with the past. Don't look back! Everything will be fine! Kiss hard! Hugs to your son!
Elena, age: 48 / 02/14/2012
Olenka, dear, I just recently experienced a break with my husband, with whom I lived for 10 years, and was left with two children. Do not worry, because the Lord made room for something bright and good without quarrels and troubles. You have a child, and this is a gift from God, which you need to cherish and rejoice every day that you have this gift. I, too, was very worried and cried, but then I realized that it makes no sense to waste my energy on my own pity and realized that with BM we will remain forever family people because of the children, but no more. Wish happiness to your loved one, if you really love, and start LIVING - that is, LIVING. Take care of the child and in no case do not tell him bad things about his father. Schedule a weekend for yourself and your son and raise yourself through I don’t want and I can’t. Prove to your child that life is beautiful regardless of the fact that he has a visiting dad. When he sees a happy mother, it will be happiness for him, and you want the baby to be happy. Pray it really helps. When bad thoughts start to come to me, I say, "Lord, bless them, give them happiness." At first I did not really hope that it would help, but I prayed, prayed - and now it helps. And BM should be perceived simply as the father of the child and that's all, no more, no emotions. He came - she smiled, met and went to do her business, in the end he came to the child - let him play, walk, do what he came for. You devote this time to yourself. Do whatever you want, you don’t have to sit with them - this is not your husband now and you need to get used to this thought, although it is very difficult. But all of us, the girls who come to this site, could - and you can. Read the stories we write and it will get easier with time. Let go of the past, stop holding on to it. There is only today, do not miss the moment, I beg you. God bless you. Hold on, I'm sure you can handle it. We are all with you.
Elena, age: 34 / 14.02.2012
Dear Olga! Four years is too long, too much, no wonder you have health problems. I understand you very much, I understand that when the soul is torn, it seems that the pain is stronger than the world. I myself am going through this now, however, six months have passed since my world collapsed. Now it is much easier, it cannot be compared with the first months. I ask myself the question of what awaits me in the future, will I be able to find a worthy man, create a family with him, give birth to a child. The city is small and not twenty years old. On New Year I went to the capital to visit relatives and found myself on the train in the same compartment with a woman who is from a completely different city, but with whom we have many acquaintances at work. We talked until midnight. I was very surprised by this unexpected acquaintance, which can be useful to me at work. I thought how strange it was to be in the same carriage, the same compartment with her. And for myself, I concluded that we, people who are successful, are used to planning, calculating everything, we still cannot manage all events and circumstances. I took this as a sign that there is no need to worry about a future that has not yet arrived. And when you go somewhere, you cannot know what will happen, with whom fate can bring you. But, most importantly, do not get hung up on this and do not wait. With my husband, who now lives with his parents, sometimes there is closeness (he is the initiator), but this only brings disappointment, and I decided for myself that this will not happen anymore, that's enough, it hurts too much. Today is February 14, and I perfectly understand where he is and with whom. She was not a believer, she always counted on herself, her strength. I didn't know a single prayer. Now everything is different, only faith helps. Mentally I wish him and his passion well, I try to thank for the years spent together. I will not say that I am always in good shape, but, believe me, I have not found another better remedy, although I have read a lot of literature. Try to turn to God, maybe you can find solace. I really hope that the responses on the site will serve as a kind of impetus, thanks to which there will be a change in your attitude towards the situation that you have in your family. I read somewhere that a terrible ending is better than endless horror. It is true that it is better to break with hope and attachment than to wait and continue to hope. Forces for this go colossal, you walk all exhausted. Olga, hold on, now think only about yourself and the child! I wish you peace of mind. I hug you tightly!
Veronica, age: 31 / 14.02.2012
Hello dear Olga!
4 years is a very long time for you and your baby. It is necessary to say goodbye to the past, to the ex-husband in the soul, to forgive him, to let go internally. Your torment lasts so long because you believe in the arrival of your husband, make your plans for a life together.
But life has already changed. Now you and your baby are family. Stop crying so bitterly and torturing yourself, all this suffering worsens your health. And you need strength, health to raise a child. Children suffer greatly from our experiences, get sick because of this.
And you need to stop any intimate relationship with your husband. For your own sake.
And believe me, with a divorce, life does not worsen, it becomes different, meaningful, filled with happiness, miracles, joy.
Olechka, wish him happiness in your soul, light a candle for his health, let him go. Time really heals, but in your heart you have not said goodbye to him and have not forgiven him, do not wait for the return. Live your life, love the baby you abandoned because of dad. And you will be all right.
Peace of mind to you.
Lera, age: 39 / 14.02.2012
Your condition is very familiar! Only the wound is fresh. I've been in a state of shock for six months heartache because of a divorce. Olga, well done for holding on and continuing to work. But I want to tell you one thing - time does not heal, if you do not let your husband go. Until you let it go, time will really cripple you. And take away spiritual strength. 4 years is a very long time. I was even scared when I read that your condition lasts 4 years. It is better for you not to see your husband at all - he is now like a drug for you, preventing wounds from healing. You must tear it away from you. At any cost. Go to church, pray for God to take him away from you. They say hope dies last. No. We must kill her first! Put a point. Tell yourself: everything, the end, the case is closed. Let him be happy with the other, and I will be happy without him. Yes I know. It is unbearable. This is wild pain. Inhuman. But it must be experienced. Do it. For yourself. For the sake of your own future and the future of your child.
Anastasia, age: 02/27/2012
Hello Olechka! Well done for sharing your story. I want to tell you a little about my experience. There is something in common in it, but basically, of course, this is a big difference - and this is what ... I lived with my husband for 2 years, and our family also broke up in one quarrel. However, there were no children. And also for almost 4 years I live without it. And everything was wonderful in marriage (as it seemed to me)! It was then that I realized that in fact it was not "one quarrel" that separated us. But it is not important. Just by reading your story, I realized that I did the right thing, that not a day since the divorce, I did not think that we could be together. Although he offered to maintain an intimate relationship. But again, we didn't have kids and I didn't need to see him. You, Olya, just dragged on a period of balanced state. For these 4 years you lived in hopes. But now you definitely need to leave them, the ex-husband and his girlfriend (I mean leave alone and not torment yourself and him with thoughts about what it all cost and why). Yes, more time will pass until you learn to live without these thoughts, but with thoughts about the happiness and health of your child and your personal. There will be days when it will seem to you that everything has passed, there will be days when again you will feel powerless. But from the very day you leave your marriage in the past (but, of course, do not cease to perceive your ex-husband as the father of a child), your rebirth to a new life and happiness will begin. And about myself I can say that faith helped me. And mostly just her. And, of course, the support of loved ones. I also could not communicate with men at first and still do not have a beloved man. But I don’t want to howl at all, but I want to rejoice every day that I survived all this and now I breathe easily again, and the sun shines brightly again, and I want new days, meetings and everything that makes up our whole life! And further. For a long time I even regretted that we did not have children. Although I can imagine what it would be like for me with a child at first, it seemed to me that for the sake of the child I would have coped faster and stopped chewing on the past, and there would have been someone to love and care for. Everything Olya you will succeed! Just don't think about what others will say. Who knows what they have experienced in their lives and will continue to survive. Not everyone can understand everything. But loved ones will love in any circumstances. God's help!
Kalina, age: 27 / 14.02.2012
Olga, I understand you very well ... You write - you want to howl, scream, fight ... And these are my feelings too, how terrible I understand. He went nowhere, only the memories of 6 years of his life remained. Everything is right, you have to fight, take care of yourself, children, work, home. But it is not clear where to put all these 6 years?.. Where to put these memories of happiness and love. And you start to wait, invent, dream. And the more you wait and hope, the more you will fall when all these hopes collapse. The most important thing I learned from this site is to stop hoping and waiting! Necessary! You need to stop right away. Gone means gone. After all loving person will not leave, will not betray and will not leave. So this is not real love was.
I am also alone, there is no one to cry and complain to, sometimes only to my mother, and even then she is already old for such experiences. So I endure and try to stifle my hope. It is most important. Sometimes I pray for almost the whole day (to myself, mentally) - and then it lets me go in the evening! A few days already, the main thing is never to give up.
And one more thing - we were lucky, because we still have CHILDREN! Children are a huge support! They have a huge power of love for us, the main thing is to let them reveal this love. And then it will become easier, then we will stop waiting for unnecessary people.
Natalia, age: 30 / 14.02.2012
Dear Olga, I am very sorry for you. You, such a rich woman - young!, healthy!, successful!, having a child! SPENT 4!!! years of God-given life to you for nothing.
Everything that the Lord sends us in life is a GIFT. We must learn to trust and rely only on Him. To be happy every minute no matter what. The fact that the Lord ALWAYS loves and cares for us is a sufficient reason for happiness.
Psychologists, priests, writers on this site talk about it.
I also went through pain, tears, insomnia when I found this site, after my husband left me.
And I am very grateful to God that he gave me such a test. And my husband in this test was a tool, not a "traitor". "It was from Me" - that's how I understood it. If not for this, I would have remained blind for a long time.
Julia, aged 27, writes about this in response to a letter dated February 13. Look, this is another experience.
Hold on, dear Olga! Before you is such an interesting way - LIFE! And you will never be alone, because GOD is with you. Always.
With love.
Galina, age: 52 / 02/15/2012
Olga, I want to write you a few words, although, probably, you have already been told all this more than once ... I am almost your age and I have a similar story with minor amendments - a divorce of 3.5 years, my daughter was 4 when dad left us and also for the reason that it seemed to him that the family was no longer there, then she appeared, pregnancy and their wedding. At first, like you, I waited, hoping that there was passion and he would come to his senses, then my daughter and 7 years lived together. Only now I understand that this time simply disappeared from my life, I lived their life, I was interested in their relationship through mutual friends, I tried to prove that I was better, to him, to everyone, and above all, of course, to myself. Do not waste your life and youth on this, not only you are paying for this, but also your son, who is already having a hard time without a dad and still feels only half of his mother's care and attention. Are you entitled to this? For me, communication with my daughter has become a salvation: come up with something new every day for him and for yourself, take a walk, read, the children are very grateful and give us our love threefold. And a man will definitely appear in your life, but not before you let go of the former, finally leaving yourself no hope of returning. When you are ready for a new relationship, not so that he understands what he has lost, not in revenge, not for self-affirmation, but simply for himself, for the sake of his baby, who will need male attention. Try to keep contacts to a minimum, try not to find out anything about them, do not take him home, let him walk with the child in neutral territory, and try not to compare all the men who will appear in your life with him. This, no matter how painful, is simply necessary, like an operation for a malignant tumor. And the reward for victory over yourself will be your new life, where there is no place for the past.
Forget-me-not field, age: 02/29/2012
Olya, you definitely need to go to an Orthodox psychologist. Definitely. You yourself cannot cope now, 4 years have shown it. It is clear that you do not need to deal with your husband, but with yourself. Deal with yourself, to stop leading a double life, to get rid of addiction to ex-husband and dependence on the people around you. You need to destroy the walls of the prison in which you yourself have put yourself, and open all the doors that you yourself have locked. You need to go free! Either a psychologist will painlessly help you now, or you will wait for extreme life circumstances. Choose...
Contact the administration or psychologists of this site (www.nelubit.ru), they can tell you who to contact at the place of residence, or they can help you via the Internet.
Freedom, happiness, independence, and a new bright life to you!
Vladimir, age: 39 / 15.02.2012
Dear Olya!
I really want to support you. It seems to me that your main problem is that you live in a divided world. You make too high demands on yourself. Do you think that relatives, colleagues will take you for a rag? No, it's not. You set these standards yourself. I think you just need to be who you really are. Don't blame yourself for being in love, for being dependent on your ex, for clinging to every opportunity. Recognize this fact. Don't be afraid to be weak. It takes too much effort to seem...
We also have a small city, and the story of the collapse of my family took place in front of everyone. I was not ashamed to show my pain. We have a female team, many have gone through this, they understand what it is like. My openness helped me get through the horror of the situation. I understand how important it is - public opinion. But, believe me, it is not right to pretend that everything is fine, because others feel that this is not so.
Probably, when you understand that society accepts you the way you are created (and I see a beautiful person), it will be easier for you to cope with addiction in your relationship with your husband.
Hugging you!
Alexandra (Light), age: 46 / 02/15/2012
Olga, hello!
You write that you have read many books, that you have created an outward image of a happy woman, but that in reality you are suffering in secret from everyone ... I.e. your life today is a lie. Why are you doing this?.. Please answer this question to yourself, only honestly.
It is difficult for us to realize this, but we ourselves choose what to feel ... Everything begins with a thought. Thoughts must be controlled. Through them, you will learn to control what you feel, and, therefore, the energy that you radiate into the world.
We attract like. This is one of the laws of life.
It seems so easy... yes, that's exactly what it is. All in your hands. Just make a choice to truly become joyful and happy, and not "for show" for relatives and friends... Make a choice for yourself and for your child. Gather your will into a fist! It is a sin to yearn for so long, a big sin, when you have been given so much, not to be grateful for it... Remember that we live in a wonderful, magical world where everything is possible! All that is required for a miracle to happen is to believe in it, and joyfully walk along your life Path.
Vesnyan, age: 29 / 15.02.2012
I've been living on this site for half a year now... I found it by accident 10 months after my divorce... I read stories, articles, responses, advice... So much grief, so much pain. She herself did not dare to write her own story, but I read yours and realized that everything was almost 100% accurate about me. About the fact that there was a separation a long time ago, and the wound still hurts; about the fact that I am trying with all my might to be strong - I am successful at work, I am balanced with my acquaintances; about the fact that for a long time she believed that the breakup was fixable (intimacy was with some enviable married regularity, plus joint walks with a child in the park for the weekend); and ... about the fact that it became a cold shower, that he hid all this for a long time, but he also built his life in parallel, because. it turned out that a serious relationship with the other ... for a long time and stable. Unfortunately, I can’t help you very much with practical advice, since I myself am exactly in vicious circle... I myself have nowhere to go with my pain (my mother died, and my friends don’t really want to bare their souls, it’s a shame). But I will only say one thing, that your BM (like mine), with all our love, is NOT a good husband and NOT a good father. If only because he is a big overplayed EGOIST. And an egoist can't be good... ever! Do you understand?! A good husband will not easily abandon his family, from the woman with whom he once decided to connect his life. A good father will never give up on a child, bringing him to stuttering with his act just for the sake of going to build his own life in the way that suits him. And no matter how often he comes to the child, no matter how much money he spends on him, no matter how he looks into your eyes with ostentatious tenderness and gratitude for all the past and experiencing for your peace of mind, this is nothing more than a subconscious feeling of guilt for his own inadequacy which has nothing to do with true love and responsibility for the health and well-being of your child. A GOOD husband and father would never do that. We must do our best to stop blaming only ourselves for everything, that such a good thing was not kept, not preserved. The family is a great work not only for wives, but no less for husbands.
May God give us strength, patience, humility to go our way to that wonderful moment for which the Lord leads us through such painful trials.
HOLD ON! I do not feel the strength, I just believe that we will all stand together! We can. We certainly can! We just don't have a choice...
Evgenia, age: 32/15.02.2012
Dear Olya! I understand your pain very much, as everyone who tells their stories on this site. I am much older (48) and my husband and I lived much longer (26 years). Nevertheless, I did not allow myself to waste the time allotted to me on the ethereal hope of reunion.
And you stop doing it! Yes, it hurts a lot, it’s impossible to breathe from the pain, sometimes you want to run somewhere, to someone for help, scream, just to ease your pain! Believe me, it passes, but you need to work on it. You have been given many recommendations. They all work, prayers are the best. It's really difficult, but possible. I know from my own experience. My story is only 9 months old, but I already live without pain, I find many positive moments in a new life. Of course, this was not given immediately and not easily, even from time to time resentment, and misunderstanding, and pity for the ex-husband rolls over. But I thank myself for being able to find the strength in myself not to get stuck in mourning and cut off all the ends at once, did not leave any bindings. And you torture yourself for so long! It seems to me that you first of all need to free yourself from other people's beliefs, learn to live with your heart. No matter what anyone says and thinks. This is your life. She is much more than one person. You have a child, you have parents, you have a family. And your husband turned out to be a transit passenger. Let him go his own way. He has his own path of spiritual growth, you have yours. Live life to the fullest.
We tend to idealize our husbands. "He is kind, he is good, he is loving," etc. and so on. When you move away from him, you will be able to see your husband as real, and not imagined by yourself. And you will understand that he is a weak, irresponsible, cowardly person. He will probably want to come back. But again, without any special obligations on their part. Do you need such a companion in life? These people have to go through a lot in order to change and grow. And if it's meant to be, it will happen. Maybe then a new real healthy relationship can be born between you. Or maybe you meet another person. But for this you need to prepare yourself for this meeting, recover, embellish your soul.
We must learn to wait, as fairy princesses waited. They believed that the prince would come and be sure to disenchant them, save them, but they did not suffer, they simply lived with this faith. I heard one saying - happiness will come and find it on the stove. What is destined will surely happen. You just don’t need to be inactive, you need to live, enjoy life itself, the fact that you are, your child is, thank God for this happiness given to you. God gives us what we are happy about, what we pay more attention to. We suffer - it will send suffering, we rejoice - there are more reasons for joy. Everything in this world is for us! Appreciate it and you will be happy. I wish you this with all my heart, Olenka!
Guzel, age: 48/15.02.2012
Hello Olya.
I have read your letter several times. I was, and am still in a similar situation. The subtleties are different, but the essence is the same. You cannot let go of your ex-husband for 4 years, but I let him go for 6 years ... You know, everyone hoped that he would see the light. As a result, she only made things worse for herself, her son, and her mother. I thought about him, about betrayal constantly. I twisted myself, and broke down on my loved ones - the most defenseless. The ones who loved me the most. The result of our with him family life- I was left with a 5-year-old son, with a not very healthy mother and with a very illusory hope for a prosperous future, because after giving birth I had a disease and became disabled. I blamed him for everything: in my condition, in the fact that my son developed nervous tics, in not wanting to pay real alimony, etc. And no matter what, I was ready to forgive and accept him back.
At some point, I nevertheless realized that my mother and my son are not eternal. That first of all I am with tantrums, depressions - the reason for them unhappy life, tears, nervous tics, etc ... I decided that if I already gave birth to a son, I would try to do everything so that he would see me happy. So that, looking at my life, he understands that in any state a person can be happy, that by choosing a family, we do not doom ourselves to eternal torment and suffering. Although the family is, of course, VERY hard work.
I came to this for a very long time - for six whole years ... But I'm so glad that now there are no malicious, angry, touchy thoughts about my son's father in my head. I am incredibly happy that I stopped blaming him for my problems, that I don’t hold a grudge against him, that I understand the impossibility of our joint future!
I couldn't have done it without God. At the most difficult moment - I came to church. (Imagine, I am so miserable, and the priest smiles at me ... I already left with a smile).
Olya, I hope that my story will help you look at the situation in a new way.
I really believe that everything will be fine with you!
nastyav, age: 02/32/2012
Olenka, dear!
Your story is touching...
4 years is certainly a long time. But you must understand one thing - you yourself have launched it so much that it is up to you whether you can get out.
Six months have passed since my breakup, but I remember the first months very well. This inhuman pain, misunderstanding of what is happening, these constant nervous breakdowns. Then, having found this site and reading stories and responses, I did not believe that such pain could ever go away. But now it's much easier. And I remember very well that it started to become easier only after I firmly decided for myself - EVERYTHING! I will not wait for his return! I want to get out of this! And very little time has passed since that moment, but for me it’s an eternity - I began to move away from this step by step different ways. First, stop going back to the past - try not to remember, not to think about what happened, not to look at old photos, etc. The first time it is simply necessary. All communication with BM for this period is also better to stop. Secondly, turn to God - pray, go to church and just believe in His power. It really helps, it just depends on how much you accept this help. Thirdly, do everything you can, find activities so that you have as little free time as possible. Read a lot - advice from psychologists, advice from people who have experienced this, and of course the Bible. There really are answers to all questions.
Here you write - you cannot live without it - it is not so. You have been living without it for 4 years, think what a huge period. You just don't want to believe that you are already WITHOUT HIM. He already has his own life, you need to realize this, you need to forgive him for everything and thank him for the fact that he WAS in your life.
Do not try to establish a personal life for the time being, you want everything at once - this does not happen. For now, just humble yourself, learn to let go, develop, get on your feet, only later, when you feel that it has passed, you will be able to take care of your personal life. For now, it doesn't make sense.
Understand that it is not love that speaks in you, it is pride, your wounded pride that speaks in you. How is it - they took MY, MY man got another. But, Olenka, he is not yours, he was with you, but he was never yours. He is a free man like any other. You have to admit it - you can't do without it. I myself could not admit to myself that I was actually suffering not from the fact that love had passed, but from the fact that my pride was hurt, that he did not want to go through life with me anymore. But he doesn't have to want it. It is really hard to realize, but it is when you feel it that you understand the unconditional nature of love.
Olga, I believe in you. You can do it! But for this you need to really want it!
Julia, age: 27/16.02.2012
Thanks to everyone who responded! Words cannot express my gratitude to all of you who responded, thanks and low bow to all of you, dear ones, for the words, good words, support, this is now dearer to me than all the blessings on earth ... I took a sip like water after the withering heat ... THANK YOU!
Has it become easier? a little... not for long... but it's already something... A ray of light flashed and went out in pitch darkness... But it was ALREADY... Will I be able to get out? I don’t know ... I’ll waste words even for you, who wrote a lot of good things for me and wished me (thank you!), I won’t, and I don’t want to lie to myself, all the more so to you ... I can say one thing for sure - I will try, I tried and tried my best all these 4 years (as I’m starting to understand now, that’s why I created a double life for myself - by this I thought that at least outwardly other people would not know about my collapse, about the collapse of my world and my experiences = weaknesses , which means that at least I won’t humiliate myself in front of them, because there is someone to do it in full measure) - for the sake of my son, first of all ... for my mother ... for the sake of the dearest creatures that the Lord gave me in this life ... But it hasn’t worked out yet and it still doesn’t work out ... But I hope ... I try ... I’m glad and it seems that I haven’t fully realized the joy that I feel from having found this site ...
P.S. Every day, as it gets really bad, I re-read all your messages with wishes of good and peace to me and my son, and it becomes a little easier, no, I’m lying, it’s not easier, but it’s just easier to breathe ... THANK YOU, MY DEARS!
Olga, age: 31 / 16.02.2012
Dear Olga. You need to be an active participant in your life. God gave us freedom, and even He does not encroach on it, why do we give it to the evil one with our own hands, why do we ourselves kill our souls, why do we run away from our being at the speed of light, why do we drown out the knock of God in our hearts?! When we feel bad - it seems to be because of a divorce, because of illness, because of failures, because of poverty, because of the loss of loved ones, because of the economic crisis and complete devastation ... But this is all a hoax. This is the age of deceit, and the evil one uses all these situations to explain the cry of our soul, to drown out how our soul misses God, for that joy that exists only in God. It’s hard to understand this, it’s very hard, and it was even harder for me for almost 10 years of deceit, betrayal, fornication, self-deception ... Even now, when I’m already married, every quarrel seems to me a collapse, betrayal and inattention of my husband. But somewhere inside, a voice tells me that no, these are all the antics of demons, that it is their task to quarrel, bring to despair, and even better, so that a person does something with himself. And I understand that without God's help we can do NOTHING. We must pray and ask for strength for life, for love, for humility, and for the Lord to show us His will.
And why not now, when it has become unbearable, when your soul hurts so much - do not turn to God and ask God to give you strength and words to talk with your husband. Pray that God will do and arrange everything according to His will, and not according to yours. Pray with all your heart. And talk to your husband in the words that will be, about what is in your soul, without hiding or embarrassed. And accept his answer with humility and trust God. If there is no future for your relationship, then God has a different plan for you.
Save you Lord!
Julia S, age: 28 / 16.02.2012
Olga, hello!
You have a very beautiful Russian name. Me too - Tatyana. I am older now, but an experience similar to yours was experienced at your same age. That's why I'm writing how I got out of it.
I will probably surprise you very much if I write that the feeling you experience is NOT love!!! Yes Yes Yes! This is the hardest thing to understand. It took me more than (oh, horror!) 5 years!
I loaded myself up to 24 hours a day: work, courses, sports, communication at all sorts of necessary and unnecessary parties ... But ... every time I had at least a minute free, I thought about him. I even tried to cut my veins, fool! And now I remember him with gratitude. From the moment I solved this problem, I NEVER confuse true feelings with addiction again. This is a priceless gift that is worth many years of suffering. I bow to you for this, dear stranger. How did it happen? Of course, this is the question that interests you the most. I'm telling. The girls of our warehouse often keep a diary. If you don’t have it, it doesn’t matter, you can also verbally analyze how your life has changed over the past so many years. I sat down to make notes, re-read what I had written a year before, then another year, and another ... It became clear that there was nothing to write except for "see above". And I thought: “Tanya! For many years you have been writing only about how unhappy you are!!! Darling, change your mind! Why do you need this!? And I began to listen to myself. "Here he left - is it good for me without him? - NO!!! Duck, what kind of love is this??? I realized that I couldn’t cope, I went to a psychologist. I say: HELP! It’s bad without him, it’s bad with him! Save me me from him, I can’t handle it myself! The psychologist didn’t say anything special, and what could she say?! I said everything myself when I realized that it was just as bad with him as without him. For the latter, by the way, there are many objective reasons, such as a rival, for example. Literally in the next three days, I "met" the man of my life. In quotation marks, because he had been around for a year, we worked together. Only I "loved" another! Like a fool. I'm not talking about about how your child suffers from your mental "jamming" on "love" for his father.I write in quotation marks without any doubt, because LOVE NEVER CAUSES SUCH FEELINGS THAT YOU NOW EXPERIENCE!!! Trust me, I've been through it. And you will pass. And you will be grateful to him for leaving and giving you the opportunity to be happy. Good luck, my dear Olya. Everything depends only on your desire to part with such habitual suffering - dying for the sake of a new happy life for yourself and your baby.
lilit , age: 43 / 02/17/2012
Olya, can I ask you something? Are you a believer? Do you feel the presence of God in your life?
Because if you start to feel his presence, you are not alone. And it doesn’t matter at all how your ex-husband builds his life. Well, he betrayed you, betrayed his son. So, I could, crossed, made my choice. Let him go his own way. And your track turned the other way. I remember my feeling of terrible pain, from which I was saved by continuous reading of prayers. And there were falls, breakdowns, tears from scratch - but how! But while reading prayers, especially prayers of thanksgiving, I felt peace. And until now, if despondency and despair rolls over, I know how to deal with it: “Grateful are your unworthy servants, Lord, for your great blessings on us who were. slavishly with love we cry out to You: Our Benefactor, our Savior, glory to Thee. What this sad state fears most of all is this prayer. Thanks to God for everything, even for your tears, insults and slander of loved ones. Read it every evening, every morning, memorize it. Try not to return evil for evil, if you can - do good, if you can't - at least don't do evil.
Do not make an idol out of your husband. Weak person. I could not become a good husband - BUT HE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO IT ANYWAYS. Do you understand? Don't wait for it. In any case, he could not give you what you expect from him. Man is weak. And I am weak, and many other people are weak, and we all hurt loved ones, and the closer we are to a person, the more we can hurt him. Be grateful for the good that other people give you, and do not be offended by the inevitable evil. Because you could, perhaps, someday hurt someone.
Find the icon of the royal family, and when you remember that you and your son were betrayed, look into their eyes. And remember that they were betrayed by the whole people, whom they cared about, for whom they prayed, for whom they accepted a terrible death. All of their children were sent to their deaths. What were they betrayed for?
Find a biography of St. Rev. Martyr Princess Elizabeth, look at how she responded to the evil that other people inflicted on her. Walk towards the light. Don't expect miracles of virtue from your ex-husband. Look at yourself. Hold on.
You know, your despair and sorrow will pass, believe me, I speak from my own experience. The time will come when it will become easier for you, when you turn to yourself, set yourself new tasks, and begin to solve them. And at some point you will say: how good, Lord, that you did this! Thanks to this, I saw my own shortcomings and mistakes, and now I can start correcting them. Yes, if the family survived, it would be better. But the Lord can bring a person out of any situation to the light. Trust him. And you will definitely feel better. Do not be angry at me. Run to the temple!
Growing up, age: 36 / 18.02.2012
You know, I had a similar condition.
Your problem is that you have hidden the pain inside, your pride is afraid that you will appear weak. That's why it won't let you go...
Announce to the whole world that you are suffering, share your grief - and in time it will pass.
In addition, try to establish a strong trusting relationship with at least someone.
Christina, age: 02/22/2012
Olga.
1. Love yourself and the whole world will be at your feet: for this, be irresistible and forget about the guilt about this whole situation.
2. The more you grieve and worry, the less likely it is that everything will work out. Finally, look at the situation soberly... and if he returns, he will constantly go to the left... do you need it??? The fact that you lament is worse only for you and your baby. Love yourself, accept and let go of this situation, wish him happiness, calm down and everything will work out.
3. Tell me, Olga, do you deserve such a life? So choose a different one. The main thing is to accept the situation, treat it calmly and not wish him harm. AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OK.
Olga, I myself experienced a similar situation, and I myself stayed with the child - it was not two years old. SUCH MEN DO NOT WORTHY OF US. You understand, another life awaits you, undoubtedly a better one. So to begin with, prepare to accept happiness and do not delay the moment with your despondency. Remember, it is not in vain that despondency is a sin!
happy, age: enough / 20.02.2012
Olya, when my husband left me a year ago (December 31), I was sitting, swallowing tears, snot, in such a stupor that I was not even able to set the New Year's table ... My twenty-year-old son came up to me, put his hand on my shoulder and said: "Mother, don't cry, I'm with you, YOU HAVE ME! And let him roll, no one will need him later." Then they doused me with a cold shower. Now they ask him "grandmothers, aunts, uncles", do you like your mother's new husband? To which he replies: "If only she was happy." And I'm happy because I have such a son! And men... A HOLY PLACE IS NOT EMPTY! Up your nose, Olya.
El , age: 40 / 02/22/2012
Olga, you are still so young. You are 31 years old, for me life has just begun at that age. Forget this person, try to stop communicating with him. At first it will be hard, but very soon you will realize that you have wasted so much time in vain, grieving about him. God help you!
Tusya, age: 46/02/22/2012
Dear Olenka! I want to ask you, why do you hate yourself so much? Why, why all these tortures on yourself because of a person who is not able to appreciate your love? And on the other hand, ask yourself honestly the question: DID I LOVE HIM or DO I LOVE HIM NOW? We, women, very often confuse the concepts of love and affection, for some reason we believe that if a man lives with us or lived for some time, then he surrendered to us into slavery. But this is not so, no one belongs to anyone, we come into this world alone and leave alone. What we think of as love is not love. Love is, by definition, that you simply love a person as yourself, forgive him everything, accept him as he is, regardless of what decision he made: to be with you or not. This is love in my understanding, everything else is our desires; in this case, your desire and the desire of your husband diverged. So what's going on? From the fact that you will inspire him with a sense of guilt in his act, he will not become closer to you, but rather move away from you because you remind him of the bad deed that he committed. And in no case can you get attention from a man through a child. Do you know, Olenka, how many childless women live on earth who dream that God would send them a baby, and He would give you this miracle, and what are you doing? You, bathing in your emotions and resentments, do not notice all the beautiful things associated with your baby. Instead of enjoying every minute, you are eating yourself and ruining your baby. Come to your senses! You have a wonderful baby, and most importantly, really true love awaits you ahead, but first you need to love yourself sincerely, disinterestedly, then understand that love is a divine feeling, and it has nothing to do with resentment, anger, disappointment , despondency, jealousy ... And I assure you, life will turn to you the other side. Rejoice in life, health, a child and carry a piece of God in you. First of all, forgive all the offenses against your husband, let him go, wish him sincere happiness with his new woman and believe that he will let you go and God will take care of you. You know, if your husband is given to you by God, then he will be with you. Perhaps he just needs to go through a certain experience so that he can appreciate you, and if not, then no matter what happens, he will still not be with you, then the question is why are you wasting your strength in the void? I sincerely wish you to find yourself and remember: nothing is given just like that.
Galina, age: 37/02/22/2012
Olga! You are a brave woman! Listen to what people write to you. Look into the eyes of your child, he needs your protection and support, he is still so small. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get yourself in order and continue to live here and now!
Eva, age: 54/02/22/2012
You will definitely be fine! Ask the Lord for help... He will not leave anyone! God bless you!
Julia, age: 32 / 24.02.2012
Olga, my name is Eleanor. Calculated Vysh "Scream". The cry of your soul. How can I understand you! We lived for 25 years. They really wanted a second child, but nothing worked. My son was 20 at the time. Now he is 23 years old. Loved each other. I probably have more. The husband is a tough man. Has always been in power, it leaves its mark. He drank a lot, and when he came home he could humiliate me, my son. Verbally, but after that I asked for forgiveness, I forgave because I loved. I loved, I forgave, I endured. He didn’t take me anywhere, he went everywhere alone. And I sat at home, took care of myself, my son, took care of the figure. He had his own business, 2 times, he closed it, for various reasons. As a result, 3 years ago, after the New Year, he said that I was no longer his wife and we would not live together. I thought life had stopped! I didn't want to live! Didn't understand why? For what? And then there were 2 years of hell! He lived with us in the same apartment, did not talk to me or his son. He communicated with me only in a drunken state, and I was glad of that! We have been building a house for 10 years. We dreamed of living there together. The house is big. Friends were very happy for us. And when everything was done for him there for life, he hastily packed his things and left! At first it was even easy, there were no humiliations, insults, but at times it will come so strongly that even a howl! Memory, accursed memory... But nothing, you have to live! Found a good job. Working with people. I realized that people appreciate and respect me. It helps a lot. There is no man in my life yet, probably, I have not yet freed my heart from my husband, so the Lord does not give another. Olya, truth, case very hard! But I understood one thing. The Lord gave me life and I have one! And I must live it beautifully and for the benefit of my loved ones, for my friends, for the people with whom I intersect in life. Don't live HIS life! Believe me, HE will not appreciate it! He will only laugh at you, sorry! And further. I love the poems of Nikolai Aseev. This is my favorite excerpt.
Honey, you are not dear to me at all.
They are not cute.
Protecting the heart from longing,
Teeth clenched, they are silently forgotten!
Let's just rephrase cute. Olenka, clenching their teeth, they are silently forgotten!!! I have no doubt that you are a wonderful person! Beautiful woman, young, smart! Everything will be fine! Never doubt it!!! And bite into this life! She is beautiful and amazing, no matter what! Good luck to you, Happiness and LOVE!
Eleonora, age: 46 / 02/25/2012
Hello Olga! What an interesting thing - life! You ask for help, and your letter helped me, I can’t really explain what exactly, but it was as if someone hit me on the head and I saw everything in a different light. I also could not forget him for 4 years. But in my case, this is simply absurd - in these 4 years I have never seen him, so we corresponded a couple of times about little things and we didn’t even live together, it was just great love and passion. And here I am - successful, beautiful girl, finally found the man of her dreams, whom she had always dreamed of ... live and enjoy life! And I am drawn to the former, and I dream about him, and I think every day ... some kind of direct attack. I understand that I need to let go and live a new life, a new relationship. BUT HOW? But I read your letter and responses and realized ... letting go does not mean that you will never see each other again or erase each other from life forever or indifference or negativity will remain forever, this option is hard to understand. On the contrary - leave tenderness in your soul, thank you for happy moments and go your own way. In the soul, he will remain yours, those memories of the year. And if suddenly fate decides to push you again, you can talk to him with an open mind, laugh, because once he was a loved one. And now he is a stranger, why do you need a strange man? You do not miss him, but for beautiful memories, you want them to be repeated ... Olga, if after so much time you haven’t let go, then you still need it, you need your personality, soul ... Try to understand yourself, delve into your soul, have a dialogue with your heart. Just pay attention not to external factors - who he is with, how he is ... but to the voice of your heart. What does he lack? Have pity on him, heart, like a little child, perhaps you lacked complicity and pity. Good luck Olga! I keep my fingers crossed for you!
Mariska Peter, age: 28 / 27.02.2012
Olga, I am also 31 years old, I have a daughter. He left after a quarrel, I thought he would return, but no ... he went nowhere, 2 years there is a divorce ... when I see him, my heart stops, and he is indifferent. Just erased from life, as if we were not there ...
What to do? To live for the sake of the child is the whole truth.
Nastya, age: 31 / 03/03/2012
Hold on, life is known in the new, my husband also left me, I realized that I need to look for another man, be strong, your baby, you will help yourself, I wish you happiness! May luck always accompany you and your wishes come true!
Marina, age: 44 / 12/20/2012
Good night! You know, my husband recently left me with a small child (9 months) in his arms, I was left all alone ... I don’t want to live ... I’m already crying all over, I’ve lost a lot of weight ... I love my husband very much , and his feelings cooled, one day he just took it and left ... I don’t know how to live on, I do everything on the machine ... I understand you like no one else .. They say time heals .. We strong women and we will survive everything! Hold on, everything will be fine soon! Sincerely, Olya!
Olya, age: 02/24/2013
Olga, dear, how are you? Lord, I understand you so much!!! Pretty, but how sorry for the children? Like a tester for them! For men! Lord, God give you strength, patience, all the best! The post is old, I see, 2 years already, but sorry, I could not help answering!!! Be happy!
Christina, age: 20 / 08/05/2014
Dear Olga! As a woman who survived a divorce after 16 years of only legal marriage, I can say that there is only one recipe: to kill the hope of his return in yourself, to delete him from your life to the maximum. It took me 4 years, I am older, there will be no more family, of course, if I still remain in a sober mind and a solid memory, and therefore I am surprised why such a young woman cannot survive a divorce for so long. Of course, it’s hard to erase an ex-husband from life if the child is small, but you can somehow arrange it so that he sees the child not in your presence, maybe with your mother, another relative, girlfriend, etc. No calls on other topics, except for the child, any communication should be excluded as much as possible. Of course, each person argues from his own bell tower, so I think, no matter how unpleasant it may sound for you now, your child’s stuttering is your area of responsibility, dad has retired, you need to pull yourself together for the sake of the child, he sees your condition, maybe maybe you allow yourself in his presence to say that dad left you with him, and children tend to shift such responsibility onto themselves, blame themselves for the fact that mom and dad no longer live together. The child feels bad precisely because of your condition, but he has nothing to do with it at all, you quarreled with your ex-husband. My child has always been the main thing that I was there, the rest is not so important) Immediately stop following his life! This is pure masochism! Please listen to my advice, maybe it will help you. It helped me so much that I now counted on the calculator how many years I lived with him) and I counted not from the moment my husband left, but from the moment I moved into the apartment in which I now live, it so coincided that it happened almost simultaneously , and I remember the year of marriage because of the date of birth of the child) I’ll tell you more, I won’t recognize his voice on the phone if he happens to call and nothing erupts) And about the fact that I won’t have a family with anyone else , - this is not because there is no one for anyone, I just don’t want to, I tried freedom, as they say. I am now grateful to my ex-husband for my son, for the way I live now) Do not cling to the past, it has passed, and thank God, it will be better ahead if you make room for this in your soul, in your life.
Nora, age: 45 / 11/10/2017
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Hello! It seems that just recently you were happy about the birth of a child, made joint plans, and suddenly - your husband left you with your children. You are at a loss ... For you, the situation in which the husband leaves with a small child is an absolute wrongness that could not happen to your family.
The husband leaves the family with one or two children - and now the most important thing for you is to return the father to the children. Not a husband in the family - but a father to children. After all, children are the most important thing. Almost all women make this mistake.
But after all, he did not cease to be a father (whether a bad father or a good father, he is still a father). He left you, his status as a husband is changing, so it is important and necessary to focus on this.
Men leave their pregnant wives, leave their wives immediately after giving birth, the husband leaves the family with two children. The most striking examples that are heard: Arshavin, who left his wife with three children; actor Evgeny Tsyganov left his wife with seven children! And this list can be continued without end and edge. Why is this happening?
People are divided into men and women not only by external signs. Each group has a clearly defined pattern of behavior.
You have heard more than once, and perhaps you yourself have said to your son: “Men don’t cry,” or to your daughter: “Girls don’t behave like that.” Moreover, the smallest crumb understands what it is about.
There is an external identification, and there is an internal sense of self:
Lots of points. We will not list everything. In this case, what matters is that some social roles are more important for us than others. And here we finally come to the main idea.
For a woman, an important inner role is “I am a mother”. It doesn't mean that she doesn't want to be beautiful woman, does not want love or does not plan to build a career. This means that she can sacrifice all the rest of her manifestations of her "I", if necessary for the sake of children.
For a man, an important internal role is “I am a man”. This does not mean that he does not love his children or does not want a happy family. This means that he can sacrifice all the rest of his manifestations of his "I", if necessary, to preserve the feeling of being a man in the first place.
And now very simple mathematics - as soon as a woman begins to treat her husband, basically, as the father of her children, and not as a beloved and, most importantly, desired man, a siren begins to sound inside him, warning of danger.
As a result, we see the following picture: the husband left you with the children and left, and you ...
These are all strategically incorrect behaviors that only make the situation worse.
Let's first define your end goal. Do you just want a man with you, even if he is unhappy next to you? Or to have a strong family and a loving spouse again?
The answer is obvious only at first glance, as voluntarily or involuntarily, women continue to manipulate children, trying to restore the family.
Yes, there is a chance that a spouse may succumb to pressure and stay with you, sacrificing their emotions for the sake of children. Only it will not be a family - although it may last your whole life. He will love children and endure you because of them. And the saddest thing is that you will feel and know it every day.
The second option is that your reproaches will only cause aggression or complete disregard. The husband will generally stop any contact with you.
He himself knows what he is. He himself knows that this is bad. Your husband, making the decision to leave you with a small child, is already internally ready for these accusations. Therefore, these reproaches are off target. You can remind him as much as you like that the most important thing is children, but this will only alienate you from each other.
Actually, he went into all serious trouble - walks, cheats, leaves precisely because his "I - Man" overpowered his "I - Father" in him.
Do you understand?
It is very important. This is the key to how to get your husband back, the key to understanding what exactly he lacks.
If the husbandabandoned you and your childrenit can be returned! After all, in fact, a man loves his children, he wants a family, he wants comfort. But at the same time, the realization that now he is on the sidelines in the life of his woman is extremely difficult for him to perceive. And the man simply runs away from the family, instead of finding out the reasons and finding a way out.
To youWe urgently need to take matters into our own hands.
Why is it important to hurry? Most often, a man leaves a family with children for his mistress. Only a woman can give him the feeling that he is valuable in himself, that he is the main thing in someone's life. That he can still evoke emotions, desires, feel that his whole life - until the end of his days, does not consist of only one: “You must this”, “You must this”. Do you understand?
It speaks and acts "I am a Man". Now, due to various circumstances, you have “lost” a man in him, and therefore your husband is looking for a sense of the need for these qualities on the side.
As he believes, another woman understands, desires and appreciates him. Another, not you. And children can visit on weekends. After all, half the country lives like this.
And that is why we will not return the father to the children - but the beloved man to you. First you are a wife - building relationships with her husband, and only then you are a mother. As a result, you have a strong family, a loving husband, and you are sure that he is happy with you!
Understanding the reasons is only half the battle, it is especially important for you not to succumb to emotional attacks. It is difficult to stay alone with children from any side: moral, material - that's just where to get the strength and start acting. It is so?
On this page you see a video clip "How to get your husband back." Hear it!
I recorded step by step instructions what and how Withdo so that you can restore relations with her husband and returnfather to children.
This technique works!
Even if he already lives with another.
Even if you are already divorced.
I remind you once again - you are now returning your beloved man to the family. Let him feel it.
Now gather your attention and listen to this lesson!
With faith in you, Maria Kalinina.
