What children think When parents get divorced, most of all those around them feel sorry for the child. After all, now he will have to live without a dad. Even if the father will be present in the life of his child, it is no longer constant, as before. Of course, young children cannot answer a difficult question, but teenagers find the answer. They believe that the father leaves the family because of them, and comes back because of them too. Children are selfish, and this is quite normal. Their universe revolves around family and when something goes wrong, they can blame themselves. How often do men actually return to the family for the sake of children? The statistics show no. This is not surprising in Russia. A man can return to his wife, to the usual way of life and, as a result, to the child. But for the sake of children, few of the representatives of the stronger sex will leave their mistress.
But time passes, everything around changes, the husband has new interests, and the wife remains at the same level of development as she was before the birth. Therefore, do not waste your leisure time on TV. It’s better to read a book so that your missus has something to talk about with you. Why do men return to ex-wives? Psychologists say that we all love constancy, but we want change.
Attention
Is it so? It is very difficult to check. Some couples easily live to a golden wedding, and some cannot last even five years together. No matter how many men return to their ex-wives, the main task of a woman is to make sure that her chosen one does not leave the family.
If a woman does not allow the thought of parting and wants to keep her lover, then she needs to do everything to make him feel good with her. For example, if the chosen one loves delicious food, you need to start cooking your favorite dishes, invite noisy friends of your other half to visit and become best friend beloved's mother.
A woman should become the best for her other half: be in a good mood, start conversations on topics that are interesting to him. It may happen that the satellite understands what an ideal woman is with him and changes his mind about leaving.
In this case, you no longer have to look for an answer to the question of how to understand that a man wants to leave. Take the test Test: What is my character? 1/11 You met a young man (MCh), you practically fell in love with him and want to be with him.
However, parents think otherwise.
What we have - we do not store, having lost - we cry. In the male community, returning to a wife is often tacitly disapproved of, it is considered a sign of weakness, so many men do not dare to return, although they suffer from depression and homesickness. Pavlov's dog Do we often think how important the established order of things is for us? Men quickly get used to the way of life established in the family.
Next to his wife, it is easier, more understandable for him, he knows what praise will follow, and what can lead to conflict. The wife becomes the "friend of life" about whom the husband knows almost everything (and who knows him just as well).
It would seem that divorce is an extreme measure, after which there can be no talk of restoring the family. But, according to statistics, every third man after a divorce would like to return to ex-wife, and every fourth - does it.
Important
Why do men return to the family after a divorce?
A few years after marriage, many men begin to be weary of marriage ties. Some husbands claim they are incapable of family life that they are not ready for a large number of responsibilities, or even seek to find adventure on the side.
Problems can start even after a couple of decades of marriage. Experiencing a midlife crisis, a man sometimes believes that the family does not understand him, he spent half his life in vain, and his wife has changed a lot for the worse.
Many girls pay attention to the fact that before the resurrection of a relationship, a lover often begins to appear in common companies. The guy is literally looking for a meeting, he wants to contact the girl as much as possible.
As a result, they cross paths all the time at work or at mutual friends' parties. Sooner or later, such regular contacts will lead to the fact that people will begin to communicate better, building bridges for continuing relationships.
Here everything will depend on the girl, because despite the fact that the stronger sex almost always takes the first step, men always expect responses from their partner, and without them they will not initiate further contact. Very often, men who want to secretly resurrect a relationship begin to behave aggressively.
In particular, they are rude to former lovers, trying to attract their attention and resurrect at least some feelings in their hearts.
Often a woman does not even notice that every day she devotes less and less time to her spouse. Household chores, a child, meetings with friends and parents take away all your free time. It simply does not remain for love. And in this situation, the man begins to look for warmth and understanding on the side.
Why men are looking for love on the side We have learned why the representatives of the stronger sex leave the family.
There will be another article in which we will consider these two “parallels” in more detail: the new one and – I don’t want to say the old one – the former one. The man returned to his ex-wife So, he thought, or, without even saying a word to you, he simply went to her, the former one.
Even if you just met with him and it didn’t get to the wedding, you must admit, it’s not very pleasant. That is, you were worse than the other. Stop! Look at it differently. You are not suitable for this particular man, he is not the one you need. Clearly, self-esteem is hurt. But take things easy. Do not consider yourself the center of the universe - and you will become the center of attraction for the only one you have yet to meet. Another situation - the husband returned to his ex-wife. It's officially yours. With whom you passed under the march of Mendelssohn. Who your parents call "son." Maybe this is an exaggeration, but the situation is extremely unpleasant.
Thirdly, a person is fickle, behind him you will not feel like behind a stone wall. The reasons for his desire to return can be very different.
For example, if he has children from a previous marriage, or mutual acquaintances constantly push them together, which makes it impossible to “break this umbilical cord”. We will talk in more detail about all these tricks of the former in another article on the site ko6e4ka.ru.
Another seemingly weighty reason for many women is this: “My husband loves ex-wife". Of course, those who are on your side can throw mud at him and say that he is a traitor, that he does not know the feeling of love at all.
But this feeling is so individual, it cannot be “felt” and measured. And sometimes, to understand what you love, you need to be at a distance.
Sometimes and compare, no matter how unpleasant it may sound. However, sometimes you, as a new wife, can yourself push him to this conclusion.
So you will fall very low in his eyes, because how can you be with someone who does not respect herself. It is very important to “work on the mistakes” and understand the reasons. Perhaps you "strangled" him with your love. “Washed down” - everything is from her, from great love. Remember: a man, even with a stamp in his passport, still considers himself free. And you need to cunningly give him the appearance of this freedom. Perhaps that one, the former, gave him such freedom. And it was also her mistake: he left her in the end. But after all, he returned ... Draw conclusions, in general. Of course, you shouldn't engage in such self-discipline right away. You need to love yourself. If you think you love, then love even more.
Do not spare money for your hobbies, for self-care. Become irresistible - and you will meet a man even better. And that's just to avoid similar mistakes, and you need to sensibly assess the reasons why the beloved returned to his ex-wife.
Many girls are tormented by the question of why men return to their ex-wives if something does not suit them in marriage. Some say that in time life together a habit is formed, others claim that real love never passes.
Today we will try to get to the bottom of this issue. Read all the details below. Why Men Leave Every marriage has its problems.
And in order to answer the question of why men return to ex-wives, you must first understand why they leave their faithful.
When your boyfriend or man has an ex, you should always be on the lookout. With a high degree of probability, we can say that she will try to return him. This is especially true in the case of men who left the family, leaving their wife and children. Statistics say that if a woman is not satisfied with her personal life in this case, then she will try to return her husband in a year, and in five years, and in 10. That is why you should never relax. We need to strengthen our positions in these relations. But you should have thought about this earlier, now your beloved has gone to the former, and you don’t understand at all why he did it. I do not think that your chosen one wanted to annoy you. Most likely, his ex behaved very cunningly and wisely.
But now it is important for you to know that there is opposition that will help you return your loved one. Of course there is. But you have to be very careful. Usually women and girls who find themselves in a similar situation try to denigrate the former, make scandals, call the man at home, threaten him. If you do all this, then you will put yourself in the worst light. And you need to behave in such a way that your man understands that you are much better than the woman to whom he returned. Even if you flared up at parting, or desperately tried to persuade a man not to leave you, now is the time to fix everything. On occasion, tell him that you accept his decision to return, if there - in those relations - he is better, then you are immensely happy for him. Do not show your suffering and tears. Release in peace.
This does not mean at all that you are letting go of your chosen one, but let him think that way. There is another point, or rather, a mistake that many women make in such situations, both young and inexperienced, and quite adult women. After the man leaves, they agree to a relationship with him, they agree to anything to keep the man from being with him, and this is a big stupidity. A man should always be forced to make a choice, but not forcing him to this choice. Of course he is comfortable. He returned to his wife or ex girlfriend, not so important, but he kept you in the process. He receives everything that you give him, does not suffer at all. It’s easier for a man, it seems to him that he tried to be good in front of everyone. Waiting for him at home loving woman, and when scandals or misunderstandings arise there, he calmly goes to you, receives warmth, love and care from you.
Well settled, that's what you can say about such a man. And why do you need it? Such relationships have no future. If a man does not lose you, then he does not need to return to you completely and completely. He will not do anything, living a double life. That is why you should not agree to this. Break all ties, do not communicate, do not meet, and do not even correspond with a man. This is the only way you can get it for yourself completely. He must understand that in the pursuit of the past he lost you. There he still had all the same problems that he had - an eternally dissatisfied woman, miserable sex, scandals, lack of common interests. It was different with you, but if he chooses her, he is left without you. In such a situation, a man thinks. If you are proud, he understands that you will not become a reserve parachute or his consolation for a while. Then the man starts to act. But you can also take very effective actions at this time that will help you return it sooner.
So, let's summarize briefly, why did he leave for the former and what to do in such a situation?
Now the percentage of successful and long marriages. Every day, the media announces new divorces and separations of such seemingly wonderful couples. Yes, and in our own home, we catch ourselves thinking about all the delights of freedom. What happens, the risk of divorce hangs over every home?! But is the decision to leave the family always a balanced and deliberate one? How often is it just an impulse that breaks destinies and relationships that have been built over the years? Is it possible to overcome the impulse and return to the family, to the wife?
Relationships are said to be like a finely crafted china bowl that cannot be repaired after a crack. Like, a chip will always be noticeable and, therefore, relations will no longer be the same. The departure of a spouse causes, first of all, a strong resentment, which is difficult to erase from memory. At the level of reflexes, readiness for a quarrel, scandal and parting for an encore is accumulating. If you leave your family once, you can lose your pass here. Is the game worth the candle? What should be done if a couple divorced in the heat of the moment and regrets it?
It is worth assessing the situation when feelings subsided somewhat and it turns out to think sensibly. Alas, many during this time manage to acquire a new family. In this case, returning to an ex-wife is fraught with pain for several women. The current wife must decide on her attitude to treason. Is she ready to forgive this and accept the prodigal husband into the family? The situation, of course, is complex and nervous, but despair should not be allowed if there is at least a chance for the normalization of relations.
Maybe some of the advice of people in white coats will seem like demagoguery, but in fact the truth is in peace. You need to be friends with your ex. If you understand his motivation and his desires, then you can make contact and communicate on neutral topics. Men (as well as women) have a negative attitude towards pleas and open flattery. You can feel sorry for a person who sincerely wants you back, but is it worth wanting him?
Often marriage makes a woman too domestic. Parting can be regarded as an incentive to change, dye your hair, get a new haircut, change your wardrobe. Even the great Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin said wonderful words that “we are liked by those whom we do not love”. So why not repeat the technique and portray some indifference to the object of your passion? The ex-husband must feel that his wife can slip away, and want to win her back. If the marriage lasted a long time, then the wife has all the trump cards in her hands, she knows her husband inside and out, understands him and guesses his desires. Subservience is not an option, but understanding is the right course of action when a husband wants to return to his wife after a divorce.
It is worth returning to the former only when it is clearly visible that a mistake was made and the gap was hasty. Emotions should go away, negativity should disappear. If the quarrel was trifling, then the reason may be completely forgotten. You should not remember it and once again try to put everything in its place.
Past memories will help to establish contact with his wife. Retrieve old photos and videos, retrieve letters and remember old friends. Surely, over the years of marriage, the husband and wife have forgotten their former selves, and in order to save the family, you can try to remember everything.
Dating can and should be done at any age. Remember how you ran to each other in your spare time? So let it be so now. You can save a family if you revive feelings. Even if the former passion does not flare up, tenderness and sincere warmth will wake up. It is worth reliving previous emotions in order to re-evaluate the relationship.
Getting over a breakup is hard, but it's even harder to decide to get back into a relationship. If the ex-spouse wants to return, then there can be a lot of reasons. In fact, this is the moment when you need to decide on further work on yourself. Is it worth it to adopt a prodigal spouse into the family? Yes, it is worth it, if you clearly understand that this is the best choice. There are many reasons for divorce, but not all of them indicate betrayal. Was there a betrayal? Maybe a prolonged stagnation in the intimate sphere is to blame? Was there a long period of depression? What was the signal for its beginning?
Men themselves sometimes cannot figure out their motives for divorce. It is no coincidence that a third of the clients of practicing psychologists are men after a divorce. They also need to speak out, but they do not go to friends and family with problems, as they want to get a qualified answer and explain their actions.
To summarize all of the above, marriage is primarily a union that is based on trust and communication. Each topic needs discussion, but not idle talk. You can save a family if you pay attention to your spouse's depression, symptoms of sexual disorders, decreased interest in life, lethargy, apathy, and suicidal tendencies in time.
According to statistics, the peak of these symptoms can be recorded in the first, seventh and tenth years of marriage. Awareness of the fallacy of divorce falls on the second anniversary after the official separation. Psychologists have called this period the "Seventeenth Month Syndrome."
After the first emotions have cooled down a little after such news, you need to understand what you yourself want? Do you want to get your husband back or move on without him? If you chose the second option, then settle all legal formalities as soon as possible and live the way you yourself want. And if you still hope to return the legal spouse to the bosom of the family, then the tactics of your actions will depend on the reasons why the husband left for his ex-wife, and his character.
Sometimes people commit rash acts in a fit of emotions and overwhelming feelings. If your husband divorced his wife during a protracted conflict, it may be that he still has feelings for her. Such a divorce, and then marriage with you - his inept attempts to prove to himself that he:
Therefore, when all emotions have cooled down, a man suddenly realizes with horror that he loves his previous wife, that he should not have divorced her because of quarrels and conflicts. And at this moment he will have to decide with whom he will stay: with her or with you.
If his ex-wife also has tender feelings for him, did not marry and did not start a serious relationship while they were divorced, then she can take him back. And in the case when their feelings are strong and mutual, you have practically no chance of getting your husband back. You can become for them the so-called common enemy, which will bring them closer.
If his ex-wife is offended, her feelings are long gone, or she is happy in a new relationship, you will most likely easily return your husband home. You will start all over again. If you can forgive him such a mistake, then you can live together and peacefully. At first, probably. there will be no strong passion between you. But over time, such relationships will be filled with care for each other, support and friendliness, gratitude and love. Such relationships are much stronger than those based on one passion.
But in this case, the following danger awaits you: your husband may begin to idealize his ex-spouse. Loving and admiring someone from a distance is very easy and safe. And without live daily communication, he will forget about her shortcomings or those moments that once annoyed him. He can constantly compare you, try to make you outwardly similar to him. ex woman. For example, he will advise you to dye your hair and change the style of your clothes. And if you indulge in such advice to please him, you will soon see the shadow of his wife in the mirror. And you will never be even close to the ideal image. Simply because the ideal is unattainable. Do you need it?
He slammed the door, leaving his wife and with his bachelor suitcase came to you in search of home warmth and comfort. You warmed it up. And he seems to be happy and satisfied. And then, after a petty quarrel, he suddenly packed his suitcase and went to his wife, not forgetting to tell you in the end how gentle and understanding she is.
And while you look after him in confusion, he is already begging for forgiveness from his ex. And for a while you're blacklisted, and he's on his honeymoon again.
But all of a sudden he comes back. He again remembered why he left this bitch. And you, so sensitive and kind, will you accept this unfortunate, stumbled, but reverently loving man? He never forgot for a second what you meant to him. And while you are recovering, he will quickly unpack his suitcase, take his favorite place on your couch, without stopping praising you.
And so it can go on ad infinitum. Just because this man is so arranged. He cannot live with a real person. At the beginning of a relationship, when we turn a blind eye to many things, it is easier to make an ideal out of a person. And when this bright image in his eyes begins to crumble, he will leave. And then it will return. And leave again.
If you are satisfied with such periodic relationships, then live like this and have fun. Divorce or formalize relations with such a man is not worth it. All the same, he will live in his own rhythm, and you in yours.
Many families break up when they have a child. And even if the baby is long-awaited and planned, the family does not manage to survive the first year without loss. Because no matter how beloved a child is, he still remains a small child. And babies often wake up at night, driving their mothers into a frenzy in an attempt to unravel the reason for their crying. They create a million reasons for mom to grab her heart, they constantly find themselves one step away from big trouble.
And in the evening, the exhausted mother hopes that dad will replace her. But dad is also tired at work. And he does not really understand what to do with the baby. The task of the mother in this case:
But all this requires both moral and physical strength, which by the evening is almost gone. All negative energy, fears, fatigue find a way out in the form of conflict and quarrel.
It also breeds mismatch between expectations and reality. In the photo, the children are always clean, cute, quiet. Even if you had to sit with the kids before, it was short-lived. And none of the spouses knew reverse side parenting.
Having a baby is just one of the challenges couples face. These include the illness of one of the spouses, the sudden lack of money and prolonged financial difficulties, the inability to protect their family from the intervention of relatives.
And then the man goes to another. After some time, a child is born with a new wife or another difficulty arises. And in the previous family, it seemed to get better: the child grew up and became more independent, the wife improved her health or drew conclusions and now does not allow her mother to interfere with her affairs. Now you can return to it.
And you can get it back too. When you get everything right, and there will be problems.
You took him away from his wife. You were together, he promised to marry, but continued to pull. Then you took decisive action and got him to divorce his wife. It would seem that now everything is fine with you, now you are his wife.
But bad luck: his wife decided to return home. Now she becomes his mistress, seeks a divorce. And now the man hesitates, but in the end, the ex-wife wins and receives a prize - the return of the prodigal spouse.
Now it's your turn. Then the former will act again. If you like this game of tug of war, then enjoy the process. A man in this situation does not make decisions, strong women think about everything for him.
He writes poetry and reads to friends. Those listen, grieving from the rhymes "my yes - forever." A man listens to Kurt Cobain, Rammstein and songs of the peoples of the Far North: love in every note. He knows that he will conquer the world. Will swim across the ocean. Strangle a bear or at least a prickly cactus with his bare hands. He can do anything - if only this woman was there. She is the alpha and omega, freckled perfection, red-haired beast. She agrees. Wedding. Life ... Divorce. First, resentment for the one with which it did not work out. Which of the red curls and freckles turned into a snake and a bloodsucker. A man is strangled by anger and a desire to take revenge if the snake has gone to another. Or tormented by conscience if he left.
Most men, when building a relationship with a woman, act empirically - by trial and error. If a woman is also inexperienced, and does not yet have the ability to "smooth sharp corners", such a union is irresistibly moving towards the end of its existence. When the number of mistakes reaches a critical level, the couple breaks up.
But, having lived in solitude, and after analyzing the relationship that did not work out, the man comes to the conclusion that not everything is so bad. Love for a woman has been preserved, and if he makes enough efforts, then the relationship can be restored. Psychologists believe that a return for this reason makes sense only if the other partner, in the time that has passed since the break, also rethought his behavior, is ready to admit and continue not to make past mistakes.
And it seems that if you, moth-eaten and beaten by life, return to a woman with freckles, you will find yourself where the seas were knee-deep, and everything else was shoulder-deep, and so on. After all, this woman is there again ... The magic does not work. Because usually there is nowhere to return: this is for you she was the former.
And for another man, acting and real. As for the first time Probably, there are such specimens who marry in the state of Eugene Onegin, when they are already tired of the worldly fuss. These weary lions went on vacation to the islands, saw the abundance of women, cradled illegitimate babies, stole girls from their father's house. That is, they did not come to the registry office, but crawled. Being aware of the mission ahead.
I repeat, there are few. For a whole army of men, things turned out differently. Only with his wife for the first time escaped on a honeymoon - and there, in Turkey, he understood the injustice of the saying "it's good where we are not."
Important
Opinion of mistresses Girls who have broken a family and attracted a loved one to themselves do not believe that he will leave if he is not surrounded by comfort. The main reason why men return to ex-wives, according to mistresses, is the lack of emotional connection and common habits. Any representative of the stronger sex during his stay with his family gets used to a certain state of things.
For example, for him it goes without saying that in the morning his wife fries pancakes for him. Of course, he can do without them, but many have already formed the habit of this delicious breakfast. Or, walking down the street in a good mood, a man begins to sing loudly.
The mistress is embarrassed, and the ex-wife thought it was pretty sweet. From such trifles, insults and mutual misunderstandings begin to accumulate. Therefore, a mistress, thinking about the question of how often men return to ex-wives, can give an accurate answer, in 90% of cases.
And he also knows the tastes and habits of his former family, which in fact turn out to be not so bad and unbearable. But such returns, in my opinion, are not so many. We were brought up very badly. We have not been taught to love not only our own freedom, but also the freedom of another person.
Returning, the man for the rest of his life will be forced, as a rule, to listen to all his sins again and again in case of any mistake. And this is not for everyone to endure.
With his wife, he studied the basics of the female psyche: deceit and love, mood swings, the frenzied authority of her mother. In his first marriage, he plunged into fatherhood: green on his own daughter's navel, tummies and teeth, a gentle "dad" and unbearable sleepless nights. In general, a lot of different events and conflicting emotions.
Which cannot be forgotten, because they are experienced for the first time. For men, this is priceless. We remember to the gray hair the first kiss with the counselor in the camp, the first fall from the bike, the first car. And then such a thing - life with a woman. You won't be able to forget.
That is why the desire to return rolls in - to refresh the perception. Repeat or "God forbid again" Now I can say for sure: each subsequent chosen one in some way copies the first wife, or even completely. There's nothing to be done if the most desired type gets into the head of a peasant, you can't uproot him from there even with an unsuccessful marriage.
It is this fact, in their opinion, that plays a decisive role in the question of why men return to ex-wives. After 10 years, a habit is developed to come home and rest. It is hard to imagine that a hot dinner, washed floors and clean linen will not wait at home. But men face a harsh reality when they leave the family. Wives, of course, understand that their husbands will be able to fry dumplings or cook sausages on their own, that is, they will not die of hunger. But after the gastronomic delights that the beloved woman spoiled, you simply don’t want to eat dumplings.
Not a single man in his right mind will leave the family and immediately begin to establish life with his mistress. This is stupid, anyone needs to take a breather. And it is precisely during this pause that wives and their husbands consider and decide to return to the family.
Especially if you wanted to get married once and for all. There is no need to say here what one had to think before. Still, not all divorced men return to the former.
And not everyone who is married for the first time is so bad. Sometimes you don't know. Husband returned to ex-wife? Think - do you need a person to whom your marriage has ceased to be important? Let's say he left, but you haven't divorced him yet. Or he does not even require a divorce, but simply went there to “live”.
Give him an ultimatum - divorce or return. Of course, if the latter you need after the betrayal. Yes, it's a big word, but that's the way it is. That's when exactly the beloved went to his ex-wife ... The one whom you loved with all your heart. Without which it's hard to breathe ... Yes, it's difficult mentally, yes, everything falls out of hand. But crying and begging for his return is the very last thing you should do. Not even that: something that absolutely cannot be done.
Crises happen in all, even the happiest and strongest families. The question is who treats them how and how they behave when they occur. Imagine the situation: in the life of a man, several events happened at once that literally unsettled him (for example, difficulties in work and relationships with superiors, problems with relatives, accidents, etc.).
A man cannot cope with the flow of problems that have piled up at once, considers his wife to be the culprit of all the troubles and leaves home, deciding to put the relationship on pause. After a while, having lived alone, the man realizes that he acted recklessly, leaving his beloved family, and returns. According to psychologists, this is the most “harmless” option for leaving the family.
A man leaves his family because he wants to be alone and think about his relationship with a woman. Such a desire is natural for a person. No man is ready to give up good sex.
You can not condemn a woman, everyone copes with their emotional experiences in their own way. But when the grief subsides, the girl will want to return her missus, but how to do this?
This will annoy the man and will definitely prolong the period of his seclusion.
